Tristan Thinks

I've a vague feeling I've read this too, in the dim and distant past - maybe several years ago. Can you remember anything unique in terms of places, names, or phrases? Even the smallest clue would allow you to do a Google search to help narrow it down. If you can remember it had multiple chapters for example, that'd help to reduce what you need to look at. Here's an example of a potential search to get you started: highschool "best friends" "not gay" site:www.nifty.org

Yes and No. I disagree this is about the market economy since this isn't a case of an equitable trade where the buyer and seller negotiate a price and if the buyer isn't happy they simply don't make the purchase, as happens in any other area of commerce. This is a case where a large number of people believe it is okay to simply take without any equitable return to the seller.

This was what I hoped we'd get to. As authors we'd be upset and stressed - so why is it some people think that composers, songwriters, artists and publishers shouldn't feel the same way and should forgo their earnings? If it is thought okay for those creative people to be ripped off, then it follows the people advocating ripping them off don't care about the well-being of the creative people (who could be colleagues and friends), which takes us back to why I asked the question about morals rather than legality or economic issues. Seems to me a lot of the moral justification comes from how some people like to create the impression that the people creating the material and depending on the income are 'faceless greedy corporations' - as if the creative geniuses behind the whole endeavour don't exist. What really bothered me about what my mate Tim said was at the end of the conversation, where he said if he could take his laptop into a store and make an exact copy of a 'box' without paying he would. Think of that box as a CD or DVD, and him making a perfect copy and leaving the original on the shelf and not paying for the copy - the implications of what he said are astounding. It seems like people really don't think through the implications of what they advocate or do, because I'm sure if the roles were reversed they'd be screaming blue murder about it.

Well spotted! Although our discussion centered around music and video (TV shows) I'm on about the whole moral situation where someone rationalises that it is okay to break the law in this way, rather than campaign to change it. So yes, the morals apply just as readily to someone ripping off stories. How would authors here feel if someone took their stories and published them on other web-sites without permission, for example? How would you feel if you asked them to remove your copyrighted work and they refused? What would happen if they edited it slightly and claimed it as their own? What bothers me is how they can justify breaking the current law (as it stands in most countries) and how they think it is okay to deprive songwriters, composers, and artists of their income. For a small number of very successful artists or brands that may be true, but the vast majority of musicians, composers, songwriters and artists struggle to make an income and don't have vast touring or merchandise franchises. Do you have sources for that? Supporting evidence? So by that argument if you worked for me and I paid you nothing it'd encourage you to continue working for nothing? My question wasn't about the commercial arrangements, distribution method, or the money, it was deliberately about the morals of individuals and how they justify breaking the current law and depriving the creators of the art of an important portion of their livelihood.

I've just finished a discussion/argument with a close friend over file-sharing, pirating, or more accurately, breach of copyright, and it made me angry to discover his moral position over other people's property. We started out talking about the possibility of a levy being applied to all broadband connections in the U.K. so that every subscriber pays a small amount that goes into a fund that pays artists, composers, and publishers. That led to talking about the cause of the problem being that copying and breaking the Copyright laws is easy and there is little chance of being caught and prosecuted. I mentioned that it was very much a question of personal morals - whether you believe that just because something is easy to do you can do it even if it is against the law, and deprives content creators of their livelihood. I was very much interested to read an article on The Register this week, an interview with Feargal Sharkey about what piracy means to the average composer and artist. He points out some very important issues and I highly recommend reading it.

Did you listen to the reply from binkyboy2011 ? (If you find it difficult to hear his audio I've cleaned it up and amplified it and you can listen to it as audio on my site)

My 'first time' was "Hollywood". My friend Ken and me decided we would shock all our friends and go in costume so we planned it all secretly. Ken is about 6'3" and stocky so you can imagine what he looked like in full Liza Minelli 'Cabaret' costume: fish-net tights, suspenders, silver bodice, cane, top-hat and tails I couldn't make my mind up on a costume. I knew I didn't want to dress up as a woman, but nor did I want to do something relatively easy like a tuxedo as a suave James Bond. The issue for me was it would be my first time dressing up in public and I knew I'd chicken out if I didn't do something that really pushed the boundaries of my comfort zone. Being a fan of cartoon animations I somehow decided on going as Mowgli from Jungle Book, which would avoid me having to get frustrated trying to create a complex costume. I had to colour my blond hair jet black to make it look authentic. My hair was quite short back then so it didn't quite look like Mowgli's 'mop' but it was okay. I made a loin cloth from a piece of calico left over from a roman toga party I'd held recently. I looked rather naked and it was hard to tell who the character was so I had a moment of inspiration and decided to 'wear' the 10-foot long green snake I won at a fairground. Usually he hangs from the ceiling at home. So, Ken and me did some threading of cotton and buttons to ensure the snake's coils hung uniformly, and pinned the head so it was peering over one shoulder. We were all nerves on the drive to the pub in costume, hoping not to be stopped by the cops and have to explain our dress - especially as I was just in the loin cloth! At the car-park I got 'into' the snake and off we went. I can still remember the silence that descended the moment I walked through the door, as everyone stared. I almost turned and ran but then I saw all the smiles and grins and heard the 'wows' and I thought, "Yeah, I can do this!". Once I'd got used to the feeling of being almost naked I found I was enjoying myself, and certainly getting a lot of flattering attention from some of the hotties too The funniest/scariest/worst part was that the drag queens seemed to decide en-masse that I belonged to them and would surround me and keep on trying to grope me under the loin cloth. I discovered that by crouching down quickly the snake's coils would trap their hands and protect my innocence I think there were about 12 people that dressed up, the rest were boring sods! There was a vote mid-way through the night for best costume and I was amazed when I won it. It made me realise though that the entire thing had been worth it and people didn't think I was stupid. On stage with the runner-up Xander, me, Ken and Steve.

How do you feel about being up in front of an audience, or on view, when it comes to doing something unusual or attention-grabbing? How far do you feel you can go in terms of being a total extrovert and exhibitionist? Here's a scenario to consider - one that happened to me: A local bar has theme nights every month. Your friends persuade you to go despite your better judgement. The theme is "Stars of the Screen". Who would you go as, and how much effort would you put into the costume? If you want to you can think about an alternate theme. Other theme nights I've done include "Beach Party" and "Super-Heros and Villians".

Dark blond with a buzz cut, nice even deep tan, great washboard abs, wonderfully seductive smile and piercing gaze that caused butterflies in my tummy when I caught his eye at the match. When I knew he was going to be in court I was sorely tempted to ask the judge to sentence him to spend 2 years living with me, undergoing intensive 24-hour supervision and getting him out of his bad habits

Yeah, I do seem to have that habit! I guess I just have a humorous take on almost everything that happens in my life, even the 'bad' bits. Like I said, he is also very cute. At the match he was shirtless and I remember Dave and me drooling over him and wondering who he was Here's a still image grabbed from a video I took of him outside the court complex - not a great shot but you get the idea. You can click the thumbnail to get the larger version.

Here's a reply I was about to post in the Anthology forum in response to Tiff but thought this would be a better place because most of the content is off-topic for the Anthology section: I guess if I wasn't used to this kind of thing by now, it'd be an irrational fear of mine One thing that I've learned over time is that, if there's any possibility of something unexpected happening, it'll happen to me! I'm serious about that, it's like a jinx. In my hacking & development work when I'm investigating various applications and code I've lost count of the number of times some obscure bug has hit my projects, and only mine, causing me to loose days having to hack and debug the issue and produce a fix. At least I have the benefit of working predominantly with open-source code so at least I have the option of investigating and fixing, not just suffering or being frustrated. Even in real-life things happen to me that don't happen to anyone else! A while back along with a friend I formed a gay football team and it went really well. We recruited 20 members in a couple of months and arranged our first 'friendly' against a team from another city. They came to visit on a hot Sunday afternoon and we had a great match. Heading back to the pub afterwards we got to the car park of the playing fields and my car was missing. Everyone was gathered around because I usually carried all the kit in my car. I thought someone was pulling a prank (since I'm always doing that too!) so made like I wasn't concerned and just arranged for the kit to go in other cars and got a ride to the pub with my mate. I thought it was just a big set-up by the entire team, expecting me to freak out so I was playing it oh so nonchalantly. At the pub my car wasn't in the car park either, so I questioned a few of my team mates and it became apparent my car really had been stolen. I wasn't bothered about the car - easy to replace - but one of my friends had left his kit-bag in the car and it contained his house keys, wallet, passport, new expensive mobile phone and other stuff. He is a very sensitive worrisome kind of guy so he was really worried about it, especially as his mother's address was in his wallet (she lived in a city about 300 miles away, fortunately). I guess you could say his irrational fears came into play because of this. He was worrying for weeks afterwards. To cut a long story short, a couple of days later the police chased and finally caught someone driving my car and it turned out he was the 'cousin' (actually a friend from childhood) of one of our team members who'd come along to support his friend, seen me put my car keys in my bag, and because he was trusted as a friend of a team member, was able to get into our 'valuables' cordon, take my keys, and steal the car. We found out the team member knew this guy was into robbery and so on, and even suspected him when it happened, but wouldn't tell anyone on the team because of his loyalty to the thief. The team was appalled - they expected to trust other team members - and quickly blanked that guy so he left the team. There was a bit of damage to the car but nothing too serious and it was quickly repaired. It transpired the thief was due in court for mugging and assault too, so a few months later he pleaded guilty to the car theft and the mugging and was sentenced to 3 years. Shame really, because he is really cute ( waves to Trevor the car thief )

I think that is a superb idea. I've got several wicked plotlines in my head already.

Well, I didn't expect such great reactions when I started this thread! There's some excellent seeds for storylines in here, so who's gonna write the Gay-Authors Paranoid Android compendium?

Yeah, I have this fear I'll never finish reading Kevin's posts before I

This made me giggle - I don't suffer from CT but I was getting fed up of holding a book in bed. I decided to invent a device to do it for me There's a sleek adjustable curved arm behind the headboard that hangs over the bed. It can be rotated so it lies against the wall when not in use. Attached to this is a gripper and a solid wire that the book is hung over so it faces the pillow (book opened on the middle page and the wire runs along the page joins). Then the front and back leaves of the book are opened and held behind clear perspex plastic arms about 5cm (2 inch) wide that extend from top to bottom of the pages and placed roughly in the middle. They are slightly beveled (chamfered) on the long edges so pages will slide over easily. It allows me to suspend the book above my head at a comfortable reading distance with my head and neck fully relaxed, and I can reach up and use my fingers to slide a page from the the right and tuck it behind the left retainer without creasing the pages. It took a while to get it perfect, but it was worth it

I don't think that's irrational though - if you've made an arrangement or got an understanding and the person is inexplicably overdue I think that is reason enough to begin to worry (as long as it isn't an immediate assumption that the worst has happened), especially if they are the punctual type. I get really annoyed about the whole "text me when you get home" thing. It really irks me when boyfriends ask me to. I wouldn't ask a boyfriend to do that for me, I'd have enough confidence in him being able to sort himself out that I don't need that kind of constant reassurance. That said, I have modified the attitude (under protest!) sometimes when I know they will drive themselves silly with worry if they don't hear from me. I think there's a fine line when it comes to family being overdue. On the one hand it can seem to be overbearing and interfering if you're constantly wanting to know where they are if they do anything spontaneous that changes their plans, and yet on the other you don't want to think of them lying injured somewhere without help due to an accident. One other situation I just thought of - losing contact with Internet buddies. I recently became concerned that a buddy I was exchanging emails with several times a week suddenly went quiet, and specifically hadn't responded to a couple of my emails, which seemed unusual. I managed to wait almost two weeks before I emailed him saying I was concerned and please drop me a one-liner so I knew he was okay. Turned out he was ill with a cold and just hiding himself away feeling down. I've had that happen before - buddies have gone AWOL, I only had email or instant-messenger contact, and they never reappeared . It can be quite unnerving.

I was going to add an option "Loosing partner or family" but then that led me to think about "Cheating on my partner" and then *that* triggered a whole bunch of other possibilities so I thought I'd try and be minimalist and let people describe.

So, can we get back on topic? Would you have sex with someone who was HIV positive? I think there are two main strands to this question which might ellicit different answers: In a loving relationship A casual partner - not a relationship Let's also assume that the partner has informed you of their HIV positive status before any sexual contact has begun. For #1 I can say a definite YES For #2 I think it'd have to depend on the circumstances: where I thought the encounter might lead, how horny I was, how drunk/wasted I was, if I wanted to piss people off. It's difficult for me to be sure since casual sex is something I avoid because it puts me in an emotional funk - my sex is always about celebrating my love for the partner.

Well, based on some of the responses to the question Would you have sex with someone who is HIV positive? I thought it might be interesting to find out peoples irrational fears - that is, those fears you have, know that logically they don't make sense, but can't control them.

If that's the case I suspect you're gonna love my entry for the Spring 2008 Anthology - look out for "Mother of All Assumptions"

"Thank you, that means a lot to me. I'm really looking forward to when it feels right that I can honestly say it to you, too. Right now I'm still on that journey, but I do care about you a great deal."

Well, I wasn't going to ask him the *other* obvious question... it'd be considered 'too racy' for the delicate ears around here Hey Kevin, Can I ask you a question?

Well, I originally posted my thoughts and feelings as the first reply but it got yanked for being too 'racy'. I've now published it on my web site if you're interested.

Sheesh! Some people have far too much time on their hands if they spend it coming up with such ridiculous labels and compartmentalisations (ooo - long word!) about things! I worry far more about feeding the world. This is the point where I'm swinging a piece of 4x3 timber around to knock some sense into their heads Folks, when you find these kind of people, send them out to the fields to do some hard work! Having skimmed some of that thread so as to avoid boiling over (I do need to sleep tonight), I spotted a few things I'd agree with: First, Graeme said: And then jamessavik said: My moral code is the way I live and deal with others. My philosophy is to make as many people smile and feel good about themselves as I can. There's an unspoken inferrence in what you've written that, so far as I recall, hasn't been proposed. The inferrence is that in some way the HIV positive partner might try to hide their status. That would be an entirely separate discussion about communication, honesty, and trust. I've taken it that this thread's question is about whether the other person would want to know, which inferred to me that the assumption was the HIV positive partner would be willing to tell, and the issue being debating was more a case of *when* the partner would prefer to hear about it, not *if*. Hey Kevin, what do your parents do?

Maybe I should clarify. I wouldn't expect to be told when we met or whilst we dated, but I would hope by the time we got to the point where we were discussing having a sexual relationship the trust and communication would mean it'd be natural for him to tell me and know I wouldn't react badly to the information. When we were dating he was free of infection. We both had tests. He contracted the infection quite a while after we split up because of his uncontrollable urge to have sex with random guys and rent himself out - all a result of his abused childhood and being thrown from foster home to care home and back again between ages 5 and 17 and experiencing a very turbulent and disruptive adolescence that made him adopt an attitude of self-destruction. That said, if he'd told me he was HIV positive whilst we were dating, or his test had come back positive, it wouldn't have changed my feelings or attitude about him or his condition.