Dude, your baggage is showing. This is not 1932 and we have fewer and fewer reasons to hide who we are (one of the reasons why I don't date closet cases). You want to talk about REALITY? I'll show you a slice of REALITY by addressing your questions and you can accept or reject it.
1. There are places where gay people can be legally married or at least civil unioned, and I plan on relocating to one of them (most likely Canada, since I've been to Toronto twice and it's a beautiful city). That alone means any workplace that gives benefits to married couples would automatically include those of the same sex. But no matter where you live, any google search can pull up a list of companies and institutions that have benefits for unmarried/same-sex partners.
2. Discrimination in employment and housing? That's what the ACLU is for. But I myself have never felt the need to contact them. I'm openly gay on my current job and my previous one as well. They never had a problem or if they did, they keep it to themselves and don't let it hinder our work, which is all I can ask for. As for housing, my ex-boyfriend and I have jointly rented an apartment in the EAST SIDE OF CLEVELAND--hardly a gay Mecca--and when the lady filing our paperwork asked what our relationship was, we flat-out told her we were boyfriends. They didn't give a damn as long as the rent was paid.
3. I've been out for four years, and before that I was a social outcast for most of my life. There's not a thing anybody can do or say to me that would be new. But as an adult, I simply remove myself from people who don't accept me as I am. And if I can't remove myself, like with a co-worker, I'll confront him and say he'd better respect me before I report his ass. If I were to marry my current boyfriend, I don't see how we'd be bigger targets than we already are since he lives with me and visits me on my job every now and then.
4. My primary reason to get married would be for the benefits which is why I want move someplace where that's legally possible, but even if I'm stuck in Ohio, the emotional commitment is just as valid if I truly decide I want to be with someone for the rest of my life. And I would die before I let anybody's ignorance and hate come between me and the man I love. Yes there are challenges. Life is full of challenges, so quit bitching and deal with them. Otherwise, maybe you're not marrying material in the first place.
PS: Watch Hairspray. You might learn something.