Dravenn

Great story skilfully written. I love the creepy atmosphere of the group standing at a crossroads at midnight, and the anticipation of what might happen kept me hooked throughout. I liked the way that they thought they

Been reading this over a few days and just finished the epilogue. For the most part it's a very well written story, it held my interest all the way through, and the scene in the shower was excellent, I didn't get an ounce of self-pity from the narrator it was just perfect the way it was written- a very emotional scene. Anyway, there is a 'but' for me with this story, and it's when Joe tells his parents he's gay. What I mean is, if the parents had caught him in bed with another boy then I might have been more inclined to accept their extreme behaviour. but as the narrator believes that they care for him, then they must have up to this point been loving parents who valued him as a son. So when he tells them he's gay, all he has done really is admit to looking at porn. This is where the problem lies, for me. Would their initial reaction not be to encourage him to reject these feelings? To try and convince him (as well as themselves) that this is just a phase and that counselling or therapy or whatever might help set him 'straight' again. To just suddenly ignore his existence they way they do is, to me, glossing over the issue. The only way I could be convinced by such an extreme reaction would be if the parents never really cared about him and were looking for an excuse to get rid of him, which is obviously not the case, or as I have already said, if they found him actually 'at it' with another boy so that in their eyes it would be too late to try and 'save' him. In my opinion, they gave up on him too easily. Apart from that and Cynical Romantics apt comments on the relationship between Joe and Adam, I loved both the characters and the story, so thanks for the read

Great chapter! I think it's one of the more humorous ones, especially with Aaron's 'italics'. Made me laugh out loud several times. What's most interesting about this chapter is the dynamics going on between Mick and Aaron, that Aaron so readily accepts Mick's handouts and Mick being so happy to sub him, almost like a parent. I really don't think Mick sees Aaron as a romantic interest, although if by chance he does, he's concealing it very well. He's really not bothered by Ben, and since Aaron likes to mention how hot Mick is quite often, I'm still going with the Aaron's got feelings for Mick idea I am beginning to wonder how serious the relationship between Aaron and Ben will get. Although Ben seems quite happy to fall into the role of boyfriend at the moment, I'm not convinced he'll give up his wanton ways quite so easily. I think that if Aaron show the slightest sign of becoming 'clingy' then Ben will revert back to his old Bmad self in no time. Or maybe I'm just being cynical.

Okay, I read Reflections Over Coffee, and while I could just give you compliments on the quality of the writing etc, which isn't in doubt, I also think you'd prefer if I was completely honest here, and basically I agree with Steph in that I found this hard to get through. The problem is that this 'interlude' isn't necessary to the story. It's a bit of an info dump, the majority of it stuff we already know. There are a few new things in there, How Aaron met Mick etc, but in this case where it appears in the story all it does in my opinion is slow the narrative, which up to now has been rolling along at a cracking pace. I think because you posted this after chapter 7, instead of before as you intended, and no one noticed there was anything missing, kind of proves that you don't need it. I did find myself skimming this section, which I never did with the other chapters. Just my 2 pence worth, I hope you're not offended because that wasn't my intention.

I was kind of hoping you might want to make a novel out of this. It's certainly worthy of a place on my book shelf, so you can put my name down for a copy right away And you're right about the cultural references, it would be extremely difficult to write this kind of story without them, and they obviously work, judging by the comments you receive, even if some of them are obscure to us non-Americans Oh, and as for your poll, I think it's not so much what Mick might feel for Aaron, more what Aaron might feel for Mick, even if it is on a sub-conscious level. That's my theory anyway.

Family Feud- it's Family Fortunes over here. My favourite catchphrase was always "I'll have a P please Bob" from an old gameshow called Blockbusters. Cracked me up every time. The things about popular culture is it's very much 'of it's time'. Once this Alex bloke has retired and the show is no longer around, the references become redundant, but I suppose that's the risk with contemporary stories, especially when the tone is as conversational as this one.

Thanks, that clears things up nicely

Guess this "'evasive answers for 500, Alex" line doesn't mean much to a non-American, and I was wondering at the time of reading but since the line had been brought up here, I feel it's now okay to ask, who's Alex?

Just wanted to say I am continuing to read (and love) this story, and I always look forward to when a new chapter is released. Aaron is a great character with all his uncertainties and awkwardness, and I'm glad he's finally managed to get things going with Ben. The best chapter so far, I think, and I'm also curious as to what going on with Mick, I have my suspicions but I'll have to wait to see if I'm proved right

Hi Knight, I'm new here too, and this is a great site to be a member of. Are you going to be posting your work on the e fiction site? If so i look forward to reading it. Oh, and by the way, the women here are brilliant tool

There's not going to be much constructive criticism from me I'm afraid, only lots of praise and a fair amount of envy of your writing talent. Right from the beginning I was hooked on the narrator's voice and his conversational style. Extremely well written, you even managed to weave the dreaded backstory in without disrupting the pace or tone. There are a fair few characters to introduce early on, but you do that in a lively, amusing way giving each character a distinct style. Already I find myself taking a liking to Daisy, I love bitchy queens and their classic one liners. I like the way Aaron is surprised to find himself being taken in by Ben even though he knows he's a slut, and I just know something is going to happen between there. Although I do wonder what it is with Mick and the fact he doesn't date, I'm sure there's more of a story there too. My only negative comment is that I hated having to stop reading, especially as I had zoned out to what was going on around me and became totally immersed in the story. That's a good sign by the way. It doesn't happen often with stuff I read online, although I find it occurs more and more with the quality of stories on this particular site. I should hate you all as I sit and fester in my jealousy Anyway, I hope you're not going to make me wait a week before you post another chapter. Too cruel. And there must be a sequel, if the rest of the story is as good as the first chapter, which I suspect it might be, I'm sure you'll be left with no option but to write one.

Has no one mentioned Derren Brown yet? Amazing bloke, even if he is a bit spooky with all that psychological mind control stuff . I didn't know about Plato, I wonder if that's worth a few extra points when I write my essay on the Death of Socrates?

Just wanted to add my congratulations Corvus. Well done

Just read chapter 4-been waiting for the update- and it just gets better and better. I'm enjoying the budding relationship between Nick and Alec, and it's great that they are finally getting it together. You did a great job in keeping the suspense going between those two, and the surprise for me was that Alec made the first move. He seemed so shy before, I didn't think he'd have the nerve. I still think this Wigglesworth has a crush on Nick, maybe even a potential stalker with him turning up at the pizza place, and I'm looking forward to seeing how that pans out too. Great tone and style, very natural. Love all the characters and particularly the ease of conversation between them. What I mean is when I'm writing I always have trouble mixing action with dialogue, I never know what to have my characters do while they're chatting, but you manage this effortlessly. This story is a pleasure to read. Lots more to come soon, I hope.

Yes I see what you mean, there does seem to be many more detailed reviews on the forum rather than the efiction site itself. I only made the suggestion because of those authors whose reviews were a little on the non existent side, but maybe they've already got reviews in the forum. I guess that's the place to advertise.

I know I

Thanks for the welcome, and the advice, I

Hey corvus, yes what I have up on the site right now is the novel I've been working on, and I'm just after a few reviews to see if it's worth submitting anywhere yet. Thanks for the positive comments, and I'm about halfway through one of your stories at the moment, so expect a review soon.

I just joined a couple of days ago, so thought it ws about time I pop in here to say hi. I've been having a bit of a read and review of the stories, and I'm impressed by the talented writers here. Really enjoyed what I've read so far. I've been writing for a good few years now, had a couple of short stories appear in small press magazines, but what I'm really trying to do at the moment is get a novel published, that's my main goal for 2008, as it is for a lot of people, I expect. Anyway, just thought I'd introduce myself, and say I'm looking forward to contributing to the forums when I can.