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Phantom

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  1. Phantom

    Janus

    By Phantom,

    As you may or may not know I am an avid supporter of open-source technology, in that I use as much as I can. My computers usually only use Windows as the OS, but the rest of the time, I use open source software, like FireFox, OpenOffice.org, Songbird, Pidgin, etc.
     
    All of that is gonna change, well has changed today. I was informed that as part of my certifications, I have to use Windows as the OS (not an issue since I've been beta testing Windows 7 RC1 and found it stable enough for everyday use), but then I got the shocker that made me weep inside (well not really, but it still stinks). I have to use Internet Explorer since it's the only browser compatible with the website I have to use for my class. This made me cringe inside, I HATE I.E. and find it rather lacking in different areas. I was also told that I have to use MS Office for my papers and such and that they have to be in DOCX format, which means I cannot use OpenOffice.
     
    Sadly, today is a day where I will be installing the software I need and hoping I don't get brainwashed by M$
     
     
    Anyhow... off to do some classwork!
  2. Phantom

    Eric + Xanax = Baaaaad!

    By Phantom,

    Well, the past few days have been fun, but also there's been an overwhelming dark cloud hanging over my head, to which I had to go to my doc and talk to him about it. As you may (or may not know) I have a serious anxiety disorder that, if untreated, can lead to a seizure like panic attack. Unfortunately the medicine I was taking for awhile to help with the anxiety started to cause anxiety.
     
    I was becoming addicted to it.
     
    I talked to my doc and he told me to come in ASAP yesterday which I did and told me what was happening. Basically he said that I was becoming addicted to it, and that it wasn't AS serious as it could get, but it's serious enough for him to take me off of it asap. He told me to flush all the pills I had left from my prescription and he re-prescribed me my old anxiety medicine and thanks to him, I can get it discounted through the maker because I qualify for it and it seems to be the only medicine that helps me without the addictive side effects of the other ones.
     
    This is why I love my doc, he's helpful and knowledgeable about things, and makes time if you're having an emergency like I was. According to him, the next week or so is gonna be really hard for me because of the withdrawl symptoms that I'll experience. While they won't be as bad because of the other medicine helping out, it'll still show up sometimes. On another note, I gotta love my bf. When I explained to him what was going on, he got up and brought his mom into the kitchen (she's a nurse) and I told her what was going on and she gave me some tips to deal with the withdrawal.
     
    Another thing was that I was worried about was this affecting my school start (it seems that every time I start school, something goes wrong!!!!!) and the doc said that it shouldn't. I might be a little shakey and scatter brained, but it shouldn't cause an big impact (that and the teacher knows already about my condition so I should be covered).
     
    Well, that's all... cept for one piece of good news
     
    You know the hat that y'all LOVE but was lost? Well, lets just say Matt got me a surprise and it was the same hat that I lost! :P :P
  3. Phantom

    What a Rush!

    By Phantom,

    Okay, a lot has happened in the past two days, so I'll sum it up by day
     
    Friday - Got my first check from amazon for stuff I sold. Yea I know not as big news, but I was happy with it I also made some duct tape rings for me and Matt (it was an inside joke between us).
     
    Saturday - Spent most of the day working and waited until Matt came over to pick me up from work where I gave him his ring
     
    http://www.gayauthors.org/forums/index.php?app=gallery&module=images&section=viewimage&img=1585
     
    He liked it and so did I
     
    Sunday - I had most of the day off, so me and matt went to NYC where we wandered around for a bit before going to lunch in the East Village I managed to catch some pics with my phone, so sorry if they don't look nice, but I found them hilarious (check the quotes I put down)
     
    http://www.gayauthors.org/forums/index.php?app=gallery&module=images&section=viewimage&img=1587
    http://www.gayauthors.org/forums/index.php?app=gallery&module=images&section=viewimage&img=1586
    http://www.gayauthors.org/forums/index.php?app=gallery&module=images&section=viewimage&img=1588
    http://www.gayauthors.org/forums/index.php?app=gallery&module=images&section=viewimage&img=1589
     
    I didn't wanna post them cus they'd kill my page, but check the links
     
    For lunch we went to this nice little resturant in the Village (the gay area of NYC if you don't know) and we talked about a whole slew of things, including how we felt about each other. (Prepare for some mush!)
     
    We talked about how being boyfriends just didn't fit us because we were beyond those feelings, but we wern't ready to rush to city hall and sign the civil union papers just yet, so we settled on a compromise:
     
    We decided that we were engaged. It was nice and it made us both happy (and lets just say, people could tell we were estatic about something cus we got a few awwws and congrats from random people around the village).
     
    So yea. Funny pics, and I'm engaged officially!
     
    Eric
  4. Phantom

    Next Week

    By Phantom,

    Next week is gonna start some major changes for me. I'm going back to school to start my MCSA/A+/Network+ computer certifications which is going to be a big step for me given my past history. These certifications will let me get a decent IT job and hopefully let me pay off my debts, student loans, get a car and ultimatly move out of the house (yay!).
     
    For those who don't know, the past three years to me have felt like an on going episode of House M.D. where I came down with a mysterious illness and it took close to two years to finally diagnose it. While I'm happy to finally realize what it was (Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Psychogenic Non-Epileptic seizures mixed with Depression and Agoraphobia) it took me another year after that diagnosis to get back on my feet and start meeting life head on. Now that I'm well enough to start going back to school, I came to realize that I have limitations. I can't take more then 2 classes other wise I get anxiety ridden and shut down, leaving me with a failure academically, even though it's a medical reason I still feel like a failure, but I'm over that now that I know my limitations.
     
    After much consultation with my docs, we came to realize that either going to school part time or taking a vocational class would be best (hence why I'm going for the certifications). I'm really looking forward to this because I know in my mind that it's a huge step forward from where I've been lately. It's a stepping stone to my ultimate goal of achieving my Doctorate in Psychology (lofty goal I know )
     
    Now for the past few days, I've been really down, filled with doubts and mixed attitudes. I feel like I'm gonna screw this up somehow or that some outside force is gonna drop a shoe on me and screw these good things up for me. I've been getitng a wee bit paranoid lately, and obsessive, falling back on old habits that took me three years to overcome. But, unlike three years ago, I know when to ask for help, and I have been. I've been talking to my parents and asking them to hold onto some money for me so I don't spend it all and loose everything like I used to (when I got depressed I would go on spending sprees). I've talked to my boyfriend and asked him to keep a closer eye on me and to not let me drink at all except for 1 glass of red wine at dinner (I used to drink and get drunk to hide my feelings). I've also asked my friends to constantly ask me how i'm doing and to keep an eye on me, that if I call and sound like I'm drunk, I need help and to come help me (I tend to sound like I'm drunk when I have a seizure/anxiety attack).
     
    Basically, three years ago, I would've murdered myself if I asked for help like I did, and I would've had a fit if I asked my parents to hold my money (we have it in a join account so while they can't stop me from taking it out if necessary, any withdraws requires a signature from me and one of my parents). In a nut shell, I'm making it so that I have no way to fail this time around, and doing what I should've done three years ago.
     
    So now. It's time to kick some ass and take names, and get this schooling done not for anyone, but for me because if I do this, I know I can do anything no matter what.
     
    Eric
  5. Phantom

    School Certification

    By Phantom,

    Okay so I lied, I won't be going for my A+/MCP/CCNA. It turns out that Brookdale offers a better course then that for the same amount of money, which my Grant covers.
     
    The program which I will be starting is the MCSA/A+/Network+ Certification course... which means I can be the uber computer geek I always knew I could be lol.
     
    Well... i'm off to blow up my printer... I need to start getting stuff done for school... which is in 1 month
  6. Phantom

    It's been awhile!

    By Phantom,

    Wow, it's been awhile since I last blogged, but then again, life has been keeping me busy (and so has World of Warcraft). Just cus I've been quiet on Chat and the boards doesn't mean I haven't been around, just.... lurking really
     
     
    Anyway...
     
    I'm going back to school, vocational school that is. I got a grant to go for my A+/MCP/CCNA certification which is geek speak for being able to fix computers, network homes and small businesses, and troubleshoot windows. It's a good course which should provide some fun for me since I love to tinker with computers.
     
    I've been spending more time with the BF, so everything is good on that front. We went on our first vacation together about two weeks ago, and it was fun. Sun, surf and sand
    'Nuff said.
     
    Last weekend I went to visit my grandparents because it's been almost a year since I last saw them. I also wanted to see my grandfather before he went into surgery again. This time instead of his heart, they're going to be removing his gallbladder and seeing if he has cancer. So i'm a little worried for him, but he's a tough bird so I know he'll be fine
     
    Finally, I've been writing more when I have the time and inspiration, though I don't think it's good enough yet.
     
    Eric
  7. Phantom

    Toothache

    By Phantom,

    I have a massive toothache coming in, called my wisdom tooth. It's the last one, but the most painful one, thankfully it's coming in normally (and being a pain).
     
    I would've had my wisdom teeth taken out awhile ago, but since I was suffering from seizures, my dentist didn't want to risk the pain and such to yank them then. By the time they were under control, I lost my dental coverage and have no way to pay for them to be taken out. FOr now, all I can do is just take a vicoden when the pain gets to be like today (to the point I can't get out of bed) and hope that I can land a job or something soon taht'll at least let me pay out of pocket to get them taken out.
     
    Eric
  8. Phantom

    Crazy Little Thing

    By Phantom,

    Well, I have a job interview Monday with a program that deals with developmentally disabled people. If I get it (and I hope I do) I'll be working as a substitute and work with these people at various group homes. It'll be challenging and a lot of fun, better pay, and hopefully better hours then I get now at my old job. On another note, I also have an appointment with my rehabilitation job coach to start looking at different programs I can get in and basically go back to school. It'll be fun there mainly because I do want to go back to school, but little bit at a time. When I go in, she's going to show me what grants I can get and for what vocational program and then go from there.
     
    Later on today, I'll be in Red Bank, getting my writing thing on and then heading to Matt's where we're gonna spend the night together then off for work tomorrow.
     
    Basically for the next few weeks, I'm gonna be busy as hell
     
    Oh and if I get the job at the program, I'm gonna quit my other one. I hate it of late
     
     
     
     
    Eric
  9. Phantom

    Happy Blog Time!

    By Phantom,

    Well... be aware everyone... well mainly those in New Jersey.... I got my license back! It's been two years since it was taken away from me due to a medical condition but after a struggle to get it back, I have it again! I'm really happy with it because I finally have the ability to drive (with a car and insurance that is lol) and can start making headway on becoming more independent.
     
    A lot of job's that I was seeking required someone to have a license, and now that I have it I will be going forward with my job hunt and leave this god damn garage! The first job that I applied for was at Monmouth Arc, which is a residential group-home program in my county that deals with the mentally handicapped people. I applied to work as a substitute to see if I like it and mainly to get the experience I need to become a social worker. I also applied to a few other places (tech support, etc.) and I'm waiting to hear back from them. I'm also waiting for DVR to get back to me and see if I qualify for a state grant to go back to school for medical training.
     
    Once I have that down, I'm going to start working on my savings and start reducing my debt that way I won't have much hanging over my head when I do move out. But the first thing that I NEED and I mean NEED, is a car. What I'll probably do is go out to PA and go to the auctions there or grab the resident car Guru here on GA, Robbie, and take him along with me. Why? Cus I suck at buying cars and don't know what to ask. He does... he's good with that. Oh and Robbie, I forgot to ask before I wrote this in my blog so if you don't read this now, expect a call from me soon. Also. We need to hang out soon... I miss your tall ass and I promise... no tequila
     
    On the medical front, my doctor switched the medicine I've been taking for awhile to something that's less harsh on the liver. The reason why is that because of all the drugs I was taking to control my seizures when I didn't need to (long story short, I have an anxiety condition, not epilepsy but because they didn't know that, they had me take close to 2,000mg a day of heavy duty anti-epileptic medications) it did damage my liver, but not seriously. It's still functioning within normal limits, but the doc who ordered the blood tests told me to stay away from drugs and alcohol that can impact my liver for the next few years. Meaning, I have to be a good boy and no drinking to excess. Just a glass of wine now and then and no aspirin.
     
    My home life is getting better, somewhat. Mom knows that I'm not gonna take her shit anymore, and she's been off my back. While we do have the flare up, she's been better about things. In fact, she's been helpful of late. She used some of her connections to Arc (family friends and the like) to get me the job interview and she's also been teaching me a few things that she learned while she worked there. She's also been helpful with other things as well (like when I needed money to get my license and such back, she made me work for it, but ultimately gave me $200 bucks for some tech support that she needed). While I did miss pride, I ended up seeing that it was worth it in the end. Missing that one day did kinda tick me off, and the way she made it sound did as well, but really, it ended up getting me my license, a good job interview, and helped open a lot of doors for me.
     
    Yes. While my mother can be an overbearing sonofabitch, I still love her, though there are time where I wanna kill her, but I think that's the way with all parents LOL.
     
    Finally, after 9 months with Matt, there are still things that I'm learning with him and things that he's learning from me. We continue to grow strong together and hate being apart. In fact, we'll be taking our first small vacation alone together in two-three weeks, and that'll provide us some quality time together, and some time away from our nutty parents.
     
    So that's it. That's everything that's been going on lately, and why I've been so busy and away from here (that and writing and research on things). So wish me luck... i'm gonna need it lol.
     
    Peace!
     
    Eric
  10. Phantom

    Chaotic Nights

    By Phantom,

    Enter Eric... your typical average guy who love to have fun in his home away from home... Red Bank...
     
    I got to Red Bank, and while the train was crowded, it was normal for holiday traffic. I ended up going to my job and see what was going on, and to hang around with the people I work with (the area manager and my manager). They asked why I was there and I said I don't do well with small places and large amounts of people, and I rather hang here if that's okay. They both said sure, and I ended up treating them to some coffee and iced tea (go me! )
     
    Later that night Matt came down after work and we watched the fireworks from the building next door to the garage (Hello A/C!) While there were no lights in it (it was an unfinished part of the building), we got an amazing birds eye view of the fireworks on the Navisink river.
     
    Now starts the chaos.
     
    Location: Red Bank Train Station
    Time: 11:00pm
    *Cue 24 Countdown Music*
     
    I waited on line with about 1,000 other people to board the next train. MEanwhile I had a drunk guy spill his beer on my shirt. Me being nice did nothing and continued to wait to board. The train station looked like something out of a neo-apocalyptic movie, there were police all over in riot gear, carrying Uzi's. There was orange barricades all over, hearding everyone like cattle, and best of all, there was fights breaking out all over the place.
    Location: Train to Hell
    Time 11:45pm
    *Cue 24 Countdown Music*
     
    Once I managed to get on the train, and it started moving. I grabbed a bottle of water and took my anti-anxiety pill because, like I said, I don't do well with small spaces and large crowds of people. That helped a bit, until someone decides to start another fight which almost led to a riot. That wasn't fun. I ran into the next train in order to escape it and took another xanax (I can take two at a time according to the doc). So I ended up standing in the vestibule and doing some relaxation techniques that my doctors taught me. So now we're in between stations where ANOTHER damn fight breaks out. This time they pulled the emergency brake which kills the train. So we're sitting there dead on the tracks. The conductor is racing up and down the aisles telling people to remain calm that they'll get us moving again.
    Location: Train to Hell
    Time: 12:00am
    *Cue 24 Countdown Music*
     
    We finally get moving again, and continue on the journey. We arrive at the next station where NJTransit police pull three people off the train and I assume arrest them. Ten minutes later I arrive at my station where every drnk 15-16 year old that was annoying the PISS outta me gets off as well. I end up calling my mom and telling her to get down to the station now. She does, ten minutes later where we go home.
     
    Location: Home
    Time: 12:20am
    *Cue 24 Countdown Music*
     
    I get home and I'm shaking. I end up getting a shower and calming down, and with the help of my sleeping medicine, I finally fall asleep... the journey to hell was over.
     
    Authors Note: While this journey literally took close to an hour, it normally takes 20-25 minutes seeing as I take the same journey five times a week. Holidays suck in Joisy!
  11. Phantom
    I've been thinking a lot lately, which isn't a good thing sometimes (things tend to blow up ).
     
    Career wise, I know what I wanna do, which is great. How I'll get there is gonna take some time, but it'll be worth it. Over the next year or so I'll be going for medical training (Not sure which programs yet) and I'll also be going for my CADC (Certificate in Alcohol and Drug Counseling) which will hopefully get me a decent paying job at a hospital or doctors office. From there, I plan on going back to school a class or two at a time and after a few years, getting my MSW (Masters in Social Work) and hopefully working at a hospital as a social worker there.
     
    A lot has gone into this thinking, and it's something that I really can't wait to get started on. I've always loved helping people and using experinces to help them, so I think this would be the best course for me.
     
    On another note, my parents are back to driving me crazy... so nothing has changed much. Well, one thing kinda has, it still amazes me to this day how close minded and idiotic my mother can be with things. *sigh* Love her to death, but I really need to move out and away from her before she drives me inasne.
  12. Phantom

    Black and White

    By Phantom,

    Symbolic no? Black and White... odd and even... that's what it's been like for me lately.
     
    Yesterday I was happy as a clam, planning on taking a vacation with Matt, making plans to goto a gay prom with him, and best of all spend some time with him. He's been kinda down, and we decided that taking some time and sleeping over and such would be good not only for him, but for us.
     
    Then my mom comes into the picture, the she-devil of a bitch. She calls me three times in a row, and she knows when I don't pick up my phone, that it's cus I'm busy with something and I'll call her back. But no, she calls me three times in a row and when I get fed up and leave the movie that i'm watching (Terminator Salvation) I pick up the phone.
     
    Me: Yea mom?
     
    Mom: Where are you?
     
    Me: Watching a movie.
     
    Mom: Oh, then nevermind <hangs up>
     
    I glared at my phone and went back and watched the rest. I call her back at the end, and she doesn't pick up the phone. So I wait, me and Matt head to his house, and I call her there. Instead she doesn't pick up and then texts me with "Are you working tomorrow?"
     
    Three times, and then a three second conversation, and thats what I get. Are you working tomorrow.
     
    GACK!
     
    Now... it gets better...
     
    Me and matt head to his house and hang out there for a little bit and then we decide to head out to a club to see how it was (both our first times there). I get a call from my mom telling me to come home now, or she's calling my dad and kicking me out.
     
    It's now 11:30 at night... and I have to go home or else. So I talk to Matt and we head to his house to pick up my stuff and then down to my house. When I get there, my dad's in the drive way and I'm PISSED. I didn't know he'd be home this weekend (he's doing something for his job) and this morning I get up and mom's nice as pie with me and dad doesn't have a clue as to what's going on.
     
    I tell my dad what happened and he told me to be nice, and not to worry about it. Easier said then done cus i'm not gonna worry about it, i'm gonna rip her a new one. So I get home from haning out with my sister after work and proceed to talk to my mom, telling her that she pulls a stunt like that again, I'm out of here.
     
    It's not god damn fair that I have to go home just because (her words not mine) she doesn't like the fact that I'm with another guy and sleeping with him. It's hard for *her* .....
     
     
     
    ......
     
    Yea... so tonight i'm in a sour mood, and I think it shows....
  13. Phantom
    I got a call from a friend of mine today saying that there's gonna be a gay prom next Friday and that I (and Matt lol) were invited. He's gonna be hosting it as Lady Eve (one of the Drag Queens I work with lol) and it should be fun. Last prom I went to was 5 years ago at my High School, and Matt never went to one, so I'm gonna convince him to go with me
     
    Also in a month, me and Matt will be taking our first vacation by ourselves probably to NYC or Ocean City, NJ. It should be fun and exciting since we're gonna be getting a hotel room together and not taking anyone else along with us
     
    Let see... anything else?
     
    Nope... not a thing... cept I'm gonna see if there's a way I can take a grammar course online for free... I really need it if I want to improve on my writing LOL.
     
    Oh, and if you haven't heard... Trebs is doing well, I talked to him a little bit yesterday and he said everything is going well and not to worry about him. Though i'm still gonna worry about him. He's helped me so much and turned himself into my mentor, so I'm gonna worry about him till he's out of the hospital. So if you want, send him a get well soon PM... I know he'll appreciate it
     
    Eric
  14. Phantom
    Lets get the hell out of the world politics and just focus on us. It's not like we have any credibility left after the Bush Administration, so why bother trying to make the world a better place? I mean for god sakes, what gives us the right to meddle in the affairs of other countries? Is it because we have a stable governemnt elected by the people? Well, la de frackin da. We have NO right what so ever to get involved in another country unless we are asked to. That's basic civility.
     
    Now onto Obama, with whom I am very upset by. He reversed his position DADT, making me think what else he's going to flip-flop on. He's weak when it comes to military affiars and well, he needs some basic schooling in how the military works and functions. N.Korea is throwing a fit, the most he'll probably do is 'talk to them.' Yea. Let's talk to a rouge nation and make nicey nice with them. It won't work. All they want is basic supplies for their people, so lets take one for the team and give it to them and shut them up for another 5 years.
     
    Iraq, nuff said. We shouldn't be there, thank you Mr. Bush for lying to us.
     
    Afganistan, is a FUBAR and a Charlie Foxtrot rolled into one (military slang look it up if you dont know it lol). We need to focus on there and once done, get out of there.
     
    Like I said before, lets stop mucking around the world and focus here at home where WE need it the most.
  15. Phantom
    It seems lately that everyone I know both on GA and IRL is just going nuts!
     
    Seriously... just listen to me and CHILL!
     
    Take some deep breaths... do some yoga... drink some tea... just do something... cus it's annoying me!
     
    Eric
  16. Phantom
    Well... yesterday was fun... a nice change of events compared to what's happened over the week.
     
    Me and matt went to a vegan resturant near my house, and I had tofu meatloaf (still trying to figure out if its an oxymoron or not lol) and it was rather good. We spent about an hour or so there just talking and such, when one of the owners came over with a cupcake and a candle on it (Matt told them it was my bday) and I blew it out.
     
    Later that day I went out (yet again lol) to another resturant with me and my family where we had a blast (I threatened to beat them if they told the waitress it was my bday.... I ain't havin no one sing to me ). When I got home, I opened some of my presents and I FINALLY got a monitor that I've been dying to have for awhile now. A 24" widescreen HD monitor. It kicks major butt!
     
    All in all it was a good day yesterday, and today is gonna be fun as well... cept the whole career testing I'm gonna be doing bleh. I hate tests lol...
     
    Eric
  17. Phantom

    Missy

    By Phantom,

    Missy was the sweetest dog I ever owned. She may have been quiet, but she had quite a personality. She'd always come over to me when I got home from work wagging her tail. She's a survivor as well, we resuced her from our family friend who rescued her from an abusive household. We had her for six incredible years, and now she's gone.
     
    A week or so ago, she lost the use of her front let, but was still able to get around. We brought her to a vet who said that it might be cancer, but it could also be a benign growth. Last night, she lost the ability to use her back legs and was in extreme pain, even with the pain medicine we had for her. We brought her to the emergancy vet who told us that she's certain it was cancer that spread to her spine and caused some neurological issues along with the ability to use her legs correctly.
     
    Last night, I lost my best friend. She was always there for me, through everything I've been through. When I would get back form the hospital, she was right there in my bed or next to it with me, watching over me. She always greeted me when I would get back from everywhere, and she would also play our favorite game, 'bite me,' where she would pretend to bite my hand.
     
    I'm gonna miss her a ton.
     

     
    Me after my stay in the hospital (5 days ICU) where she was always with me...

  18. Phantom
    Well this weekend is gonna be super busy for me...
     
    I'm gonna be working all day tomorrow (7am - 1am) so I can get Sunday off where I'll be participating in two things... The AIDS walk Sunday morning and the Gay Marriage Rally Sunday Afternoon.
     
    I didn't raise money this year for the AIDS walk, but I'll still be doing it in support of my friends and everyone one else.
     
    After that we'll be going over to the Marriage=Equality rally to show our support for New York to allow gay marriage (last I heard it's now in the senate waiting a vote). If your in the area, try to come by!
     
    ACTION=EQUALITY
    Rally for marriage equality!
     
    When: Sunday May 17th, 5pm-7pm
    Where: 6th Avenue at 45th Street NYC
     
    So... wish me luck and I'll try to take pictures
     
     
    Eric
  19. Phantom
    I moved back into my parents house today before heading back to work. We agreed that some things on both our sides need to change, and tomorrow we're going out to dinner to talk about them. My parents want to meet Matt and I think that it's a good thing.
     
    While I'm at home, I'm gonna start looking for a better job, various trainings for jobs, and hopefully get out of the hole I'm in now and move out. My parents agree with this because they want to see me happy, and that's the important thing.
     
    I've also taken a page from JSmith's book and while I'm not cutting meat out of my diet, I've cut out red meat for the past week or so and I feel better. While I occassionally get the whiff of a steak from a bbq, its not bad where I wanna break this diet, but it kinda sucks lol.
     
    Well... i'm off for now...
  20. Phantom

    Fighting Back

    By Phantom,

    NOTE: This is a true story that I felt I had to share. While I know the names of the guys, in order to protect there identites I'm going to be vauge on the names. I'll lessen the violence and the graphic nature of it, but you may be offended by it. Don't say I didn't warn you!
     
    I was sitting at work today (got here a little early... around 12) when I heard a large comotion outside on the street, so me being nosy went to go investigate it and I found two larger guys beating up on a smaller guy. What got me going was what they were shouting...
     
    "FAG!" "HOMO!" "COCKSUCKER" All the while punching him and kicking him. I ran over to break it up when one of the guys threw the kid down to the ground. When he went down I yelled to them to break it up now. They paused to look at me and the one kid took off, while the other stayed there and kept beating the victim up. The victim was on the sidewalk curled up in a fetal position holding his head with his arms and the bully didn't let up till I pried him off using a technique that they teach lifeguards to get people off of others. I got behind him and wrapped my one arm around him while I grabbed his wrist and applied a little pressure.
     
    I held the kid back while he kept trying to go after the victim. I yelled for the victim to run into the garage and into the booth and use the phone to call the police and lock himself in the booth. Meanwhile Mary here's me yelling and comes out to see what's going on. I yell for her to grab the victim and take him into the booth and call the police. A few minutes later while i'm still holding the kid who's struggling to get away, the police come and break me and him up. They grab me and the kid and I explain to the officers what happened and while they didn't believe me at first, the victim comes out of the booth with Mary right behind him watching him like a mother lion protecting her cub.
     
    The police take my statement and the victims and thats when it hit me, how I was gonna sink the bully's case of he started it. I explained to the officers that the kid needs to be charged with a Hate Crime becuase of assulting someone for their sexual identity, whether or not the kid knew it. I reinforced the point with explaining what the bully was yelling and also went to support the kid.
     
    The police look at me and I just give them a I'm not gonna mess around with this and moments later, I see the police slap the cuffs on the kid. When I ask what's going on, they explain that they ran his ID and found taht he's on probation and that he violated it by fighting and commiting a felony (hate crime). So the bully's led away and I stick with the victim who's still in shock and I noticed that he's bleeding profusley from his nose. I run inside the booth where we have a first aid kit and grab some gause and gloves and put them on, and hold the gause under the kids nose and tilt his head foreward.
     
    An ambulance arrives and takes the victim away, but i'm not gonna forget what he did before they loaded him on the strecher. He looked at me and gave me a huge hug, and said that I was his guardian angel. When he left, the officer told me that I was lucky that I could've been charged with various offenses and I told him I know, but that helping someone who needed it was worth any penalty that I would be charged with, and I explained to him that I was willing to go through with it. The officer looked at me and smiled and patted me on the shoulder saying that he wasn't going to because I helped the kid and that was enough for him (Thank GOD for honest cops!) and because my shirt is covered in blood, he gave me a shirt to wear and told me that I could keep it (it has the Red Bank PD logo on it )
     
    So, I helped defend a kid and was called a guaridan angel today, and I now have mary telling me that this is my passion, to help kids and this proved it.
  21. Phantom
    Well... things are on the up and up with me and Matt. We've talked about what happened and why it did, and while he knows i'm still disapointed in him and the situation, we're taking steps to prevent it from happening.
     
    My friend and I also talked about what happened and while he says he's sorry, he knows that im dispointed in him, then Monday happens.
     
    Monday I invite matt over and let him in while I get ready for us to go out. We start watching TV and my mom calls me on my cell and tells me to come outside with a book for her. I do and she starts yelling at me to get *him* out of there, that she doesn't what *his type* of people in her house. That if I want him to come over, then she's gonna leave, and a whole slew of shit. I just look at her and my rage is growing BIG time, but I keep it under control.
     
    She leaves saying that he better be out, that she's gonna come by with my dad and check soon because she called him. I head inside and grab some essentials, like clothes, wallet, etc and head out with Matt, leaving my house key on the table. A few minutes after we leave, my dad calls me asking why I left my key home and I told him that as long as my boyfriend isn't welcome, then i'm not as well. He says that I should come back and talk about it and I told him no, that I'm tired of talking and not getting anything resolved, but that friday we're gonna have a family counseling session with my psychologist and go from there.
     
    Yesterday they show up at my job and say they wanna talk (my mom dad and sister) and I go okay and let them in. The conversation starts out nice and friendly, how they want me home, they miss me, and such and then I said I'll come home for now provided mom appologises to me for insulting my boyfriend, which then starts an argument between me and mom, and it escalates into a shouting match until I tell her to leave now. Dad tells mom to go into the car and turns to me saying to call him and such, that if I wanna talk with just him, he's okay with that. My sister gives me a hug saying that she's on my side and that she's been arguing with my mom the entire time i've been gone.
     
    Now it comes to today. I put an application in for a job at different places and also began the process to request assistance from the governemnt for housing, disability and the like. Though to do this I need my ss card, birth certificate and the like. So I go home thinking that my sister is home when BAM, my mom's home. I knock on the door and tell mom that I need to grab some stuff from my room to which she replies that i'm only allowed to my room and the bathroom (to grab my razor and toothbrush). I go to my room where she's watching me like a hawk and I activate a little program on my computer to back everything up to an encrypted external drive, and to erase everything on my computer (local drives, etc) and lock it with a password that only I know so that it's useless for them (tech geek is what I am). I grab my stuff and head out, with mom watching over me the entire time, hands on her hips and shooting me nasty looks.
     
    I left and headed back to my friends house where I'm staying for now, away from my parents and the drama.
     
    Oh, I just got an email from my mom saying how disapointed she is in me for doing this, that i'm being selfish and not thinking of others. Guess I am selfish for wanting to finally be happy, and if it takes being out on my own, then I'm gonna be selfish like that.
     
    Eri
  22. Phantom

    Is it cheating?

    By Phantom,

    Me, my friend and my boyfriend went out tonight and had one to many drinks. We ended up leaving the clubs early and headed over to my friends house where I ended up crashing on his bed. I woke up with my boyfriend and my friend fooling around and when they noticed me awake, they went downstairs to my friends basement and continued having fun. At this point I went downstaris told my boyfriend that I was leaving for home and that I loved him.
     
    Now before you jump the gun, this is my fault. I knew that my boyfriend liked my friend and thought he was cute and such, and I told him that I was fine with this (although a bit drunk when I did each time).
     
    Now all I want to do is curl up in a ball and die.
     
    Yea.....
  24. Phantom

    To my readers

    By Phantom,

    It's been awhile, but I wanted to let you know that I will be editing my old stories an reposting them as I can. After reading them, I came across a lot of errors with spelling, grammer and plot holes (some large enough to make no sense at all).
     
    In the mean time, you'll notice things on my eFiction account dissapere and come back. If you do, re-read them! Things have changed, for the better I promise
     
    Currently Lost in Pain is gone from eFiction and will be replaced with the same story and such, just cleaned up a bit. I also wanted to let you know that there will be a new chapter within a month with the title Veni, Vidi, Vichi (I applogise in advance for the wrong spelling, I'm currently out of my house right now and don't have access to my latin dictionary).
     
    I am also working on a new serial that's been bouncing around in my head, it's a post apocolyptic sci-fi one, which is a change from my normal genres (Title TBA).
     
    Finally, I am working on another story called beginings which goes back to my normal genre of modern day, high school setting. It's a hard one and will also touch on ideas and instances between homosexuality and the Mormon church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints). This one is a long way from coming, but I wanted to let you guys know that it's in the works.
     
    So i'm gonna be busy for the next few weeks as I can and time allows me (if anything is late, blame my boyfriend matt, he makes for a good distraction )
     
    Eric
  25. Phantom
    After a night of not being able to sleep (bleh to that) I did some research concering both areas of software development.
     
    For those who are scratching their head with what I'm talking about, Open Source is programs formed under the various GPL licenses authorizing people to distibute/edit/add/detract from software under the condition that the source code (the mechanics behind what makes software work) is made available as well. Closed source programs are what prevails on the market right now. Things like M$ office, various video games and noteably Windows.
     
    I've been looking at programs to use lately that provide an alternative to mainstream ones, yet provide as much functionality as their counterparts. The key areas I've been looking at are:
     

    Operating System (Stability, Driver Support, Resources Usage, Tech Support as well)
    Programs (Cost/Functionality comparisons, Open/Closed Source alternatives, Tech Support)
    Cost (Open Source under the terms is free (donations are greatly appreciated though. Closed source programs can cost anywhere from free to $1,000 plus)
    Licensing (Ability to put on more then one machine at a given time)
    Compatibility (Does item A run on Program B (or) is Item A compatible with Progam Z)
    So for an average user like me, the cost of items and hardware is important and given the economy that were all facing right now, is important to everyone really. My ideal system would be a mix of open and closed source software, with the ability to interchange with any program/system/hardware.
     
    So I used my desktop computer as a reference (eMachine DL-1210). This represents a basic mainstream computer that most people have and I ran some benchmark tests on it (these tests provide an ideal on what the system can actually do). I also tested various things with it such as operating systems and programs on both sides.
     

    Operating Systems:
    Closed Source - Windows 2000, Windows XP pro, Windows Vista home premium, and Windows 7 beta
    Open Source - Ubuntu 8.10, Ubuntu 9.04, openSuse 11.1, Fedora 10, and DSL [Damn Small Linux]
    Office/Graphics Systems:
    Closed Source - Photoshop CS2 and Microsoft Office 2007
    Open Source - GIMP 2.6 and OpenOffice 3.0
    While all have their strong points and weak points, I have to say they were all good. Windows provided the support for the drivers that I wanted, so after testing them all, I decided on Windows XP pro (most stable and still supported). In second came Ubuntu 9.04, though I wouldn't use it as my primary OS seeing as it doesn't have the game, hardware or tech support that I need with my system.
     
    Photoshop and OpenOffice won out as office and graphic systems. While the cost for photoshop is really expensive (and not worth it in my oppinion but eh... can't always win ) it provided the best in terms of graphics and user interface as compared to GIMP. OpenOffice won because it was really good and worked well with all of the systems I tested. It also had features that I liked and when it came down to it, the price was best for what both offered (free!).
     
    So after taking all of this into account, I realized that an average user like me is best suited for a mix of the two, open and closed source. As I said earlier they all have their ups and downs, but honestly it's worth it to use both.
     
    Now that my techno geek side has shown... i'm off for now! Hope you like this
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