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Phantom

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  1. Phantom
    I'm working on my story and well... I'm stuck...
     
    I'm having a hard time laying out the scene for chapter two... I can picture it and feel it... But it's not translating from the ideas in my head to text...
     
    Any ideas... Or should I just drop the nuke and obliterate the scene
  2. Phantom

    Let the Rain Fall

    By Phantom,

    Same deal as before... this is Heavily beta so theres gonna be HUGE issues with Grammer and words and the like... I'm just publishing little snippets to gauge a possible audience
     
    Also, this is the prequel which will appear before the actual story. So some characters will be in the story, some wont, only time (and my muse) shall tell...
     
     
    Yea, this was a bit longer, but I think it's a bit more enticing.
     
    Lemme know what ya think!
    Eric
  3. Phantom

    A Storm on the Horizon

    By Phantom,

    Lemme know what you guys think... It's a teaser and heavily and I mean HEAVILY beta right now. I want to get a general feel for how people like it before I continue with this one... I'm also working on another story which will also have a teaser posted in the near future
     
    Eric
  4. Phantom

    **GASP!**

    By Phantom,

    Well... after close to a year, I started to write today...
     
    It's weird I know, but I just sat down in front of Word on my computer and before I knew it an hour passed and I had a few pages written.
     
    On some other notes, I moved some more stuff to my new place today. I hung around for most of the weekend, with the exception of switching my phone to a family plan (yay verizon!), going to an art gallery with Joe and doing some other errands in the morining, and going to my first gay bar in the area that night, the Beagle.
     
    Other then that, it's pretty much the same, and I really can't wait to be back at my place
     
     
    Eric
  5. Phantom

    December 27th

    By Phantom,

    As many may or may not know I haven't been around here as much. Between work and school, I've been loaded down with a lot of work and there's a reason for it.
     
    I'm moving December 27th to my friends house right outside of Philly, PA. I have my own room and I also have a few job applications out and hopefully I'll hear back from them. It's a beautiful area and my roommates (the owner and his roommate) are really cool. The ones a philosophy professor which leads to some amazing conversations and the other is a German and philosophy teacher.
     
    Enough about them, let's get back to me!
     
    We met over the summer and struck up a good friendship and when I told him what was going on in my life he offered me support and such, but now that it's getting closer to my parents moving he offered me a place to stay for as long as I need to. I live a spit away from Philly and close enough to the area I used to go to school in PA that I'm starting to reconnect with old college friends. I'm also meeting some of my roommates friends and getting to know them.
     
    It's a big change for me, moving off on my own for the first time and I'm scared, but at the same time extremely excited. I can be my own person and not worry about the parents finding out and giving me hell, and more importantly I'm near an area that provides a lot of gay youth out reach so once I'm settled I can look into volunteering in that area.
     
    I have the key to my new place and I'm coming down here enough that I'm beginning to feel like a local and settle in (I already found my favorite town which is Chestnut Hill lol).
     
    Well asi write this I'm looking at the clock and see that I have a few hours before I gotta leave. Damn you time.
     
    Take care!
  6. Phantom

    Intresting Perspective...

    By Phantom,

    It's been awhile since I first started my look into the technology field and it's becoming a long process hehe because it seems that it's never ending.
     
    My first computer was a 386 (if i recall it was a 15mhz speed), 8mb of ram Gateway with a whopping 100MB hard drive, a 5.25" floppy drive and a 1.5" hloppy drive. CD-Roms were a luxury (this was back in 1992) and ran windows 3.1 and ms-DOS 6.0 and it served my family well until 1998. In 1998, my family upgraded to a Compaq with a 233mhz processor, 64mb of ram, a 16x CD-ROM, 1.5" floppy and a 4gb hard drive. That served us until I finally decided to get my own. I was working at my high school in 2005 after I graduated and began to build my own computer which was by baby (I won't bore you with the specs but needless to say it lasted me till two years ago and still was performing like a beast). It died and I replaced it with a eMachines and set it up to dual boot with Linux and windows7 because that's all I could afford at the time. The eMachine computer died about three weeks ago which left me for the first time without a desktop computer. I relied on my iPad(since that replaced my windows based netbook) and my iPod touch for everything wihich I have to honestly say it began to begin my love affair with Apple.
     
    Why all of this needless info you may ask? Well I just wanted to show you that ever since i was younger I've been a pc person using either windows or Linux. About a week ago I experimented with a gateway all-in-one and hated it. I grew to love the simplicity and functionality of my Apple products and, a couple of days later, returned the gateway and bought a Mac mini. I love my Mac mini and realized something. I now own all apple products, with the exception of my printer and monitor lol. I've been taking classes at the Mac store to learn all the tricks and trades of OS X and Mac in general. I'm not saying that Apple is perfect, far from it. It's to closed tof a system for my comfort and they have very specialized hardware which makes it hard to replace something that should break or buy something to upgrade it. They're strict with their end user agreement, and tend to reject some of the Programs that we take for granted (I.e. iPad/iphone/ipod touch and flash videos). The good side is that they lead the way with creative thinking and some technology. Multi touch for instance is amazing which lead to the advent of the iPhone becoming so popular and easy to use.
     
    There are some quirks to apple that mystify me, but I'm slowly becomming a Mac head lol. Doesn't mean I won't still pplay around with Linux or windows (after all I'm going to a school to become a windows it professional lol) but I'll probably stick with apple for a log time to come.
     
    Cheers!
    eric
  7. Phantom
    Catchy title no?
     
    Well, i've been hellish busy lately and it's all thanks to my car. HA!
     
    I've been doing over time hours at my job which is killing my social life, I've also been taking my days off to go to Eastern PA (Philly Area) and meeting people out there through a good friend of mine. The place where I bought my car is dicking around with getting me my registration and plates for my car, their excuse is that they need my union information. WTF?! Anyway I'm gonna get a hold of my manager and get the union info from her and head to the dealership before going into work.
     
    Today, I work my 3-11 shift which means I'm gonna murder people Not really, but I hate working that late because it screws up my sleep pattern.
     
    Hmmmm... anything else I can add? Oh yea... I burned the crap outta my hand at work. Go me for picking up a heated pot with my hand.
     
     
    Eric
  8. Phantom
    Well, this is gonna be a first, I'm ranting about technology for once instead of my life, issues, etc lol.
     
    A few days ago I was taking a look at the iPad and realized how helpful it would be at my job because I've been lugging around my netbook since I've been doing a lot of paperwork on it (we're starting to switch over to all digital stuff which is easier IMHO). Lately though I've been getting irritated dragging around my netbook because it's so cumbersome, especially since I've been having to take my charge cable with me. So I was thinking of getting an iPad.
     
    Honestly something as closed as an Apple product makes me worry. I'm used to using open source for a lot of my programs (except windows and iTunes which is are necessary evils because of school and my iPod touch not liking any open source alternative to iTunes heh).
     
    Anywho... I know that Google and a few other companies are coming out with their own slate pc's like the iPad so should I wait to get one? Or should I suck it up and get an iPad?
  9. Phantom

    Changes...

    By Phantom,

    I've been drifting a bit when it comes to school lately, mainly because my job right now is changing. I just got a promotion from a Substitute in the residential program at Arc to a full-time staff member in what is soon going to be called Assisted Living. It's going to be nice especially since I already have a good relationship with the individuals in the program. When I went for my interview both me and the manager figured out that I've known most of the individuals since 1993.
     
    Yea, 1993, and here's why. My mom used to work for Arc starting in 1991 and she introduced both me and my sister to them at a young age. Her philosophy was that she wanted us to see that people like them were as normal as us, that they just needed help. I credit her really for not only my experience when it comes to working, but showing me that everyone is the same, it just a matter of getting help and etc when needed.
     
    When I first substituted at the Assisted Living program, all of the residents recognized me immediately and were thrilled that I was working with them. They opened up to me and came to me before most of the staff there, which is something that both management and the director saw and questioned me about. When I told them about my mom, they immediately knew the name and were thrilled that I was working there. They were even more thrilled when, five months later, I asked about working full time with them.
     
    Many of the regular staff that I worked with said that I have a gift with individuals like them. That it takes a strong heart to not get stressed when they can't do something, a trait that is very hard to come by. When I told them during my interview with them that I believe that my job is not to help them and wait on them hand and foot, but to teach them and assist them, they said that is exactly what we're here for. Many misconceptions about developmentally disabled persons is that sometimes they need help with everything. Well, one thing that I learned from working with them is that I can learn a lot from them and they can teach me things that I should know.
     
    It's going to be nice working full time (once approved) and finally getting a decent paycheck and health benefits after not having any for so long.
     
    On that note, I spent this morning going with my family for portrait shots of the family and individual shots as well. When the photographer took mine he was really thrilled because I was really photogenic. That shocked me really because I hate having my photo taken lol. Usually when I do take one is cus I'm bored or my friends take it. When my parents and sister left he pulled me aside and told me that he could tell I have self-image problems by the way I was carrying myself during the whole shoot, and I told him that yea, it's something I've been working on but it's hard. He said that I'm a fine young man and would probably make anyone happy to be with me. I smiled telling him that it's easier to say then to believe and he said that he used to do the same thing at my age but now he's happy with the way he is.
     
    That inspired me a little bit to start talking to my doctor about it. I've gotten a lot under control of late, and I think it's really time I start looking into fixing this flaw with myself. I get complimented all the time, but it's really hard for me to accept it, I always find something wrong with myself, even though It's mostly self-esteem issues that are really affecting me. So today when I'm done writing this and getting some bills paid at home, I'm going to go and get some things done as well, including working on getting my gym membership renewed because it's something I let slide lately.
     
    Now an update on my living situation. My parents picked a moving date, well month and year really. They're wanting to move in May 2011, about a month before my dad starts his new job. In the mean time I got a lot to do before I can really live on my own, including getting serious about sticking to my budget and getting a car. I was looking at cars recently and I saw a Scion xA that I was thinking about getting. It's an older one (2005 or 2006 I forget which) and it was pretty decently priced. Also since I'm starting my job soon, I figured I'll be able to afford a car loan and pay off a good chunk of it before the rents move.
     
    Finally about me. I'm still single but it's not bothering me as much as it used to. I'm finding that I'm enjoying my time more being with my friends and talking to people more then putting myself out there to date. I still don't think I'm ready after my whole thing with breaking up with Matt, but time will soon tell... meanwhile I'll be gawking at the boys
     
     
    Well off to get things done and enjoy my time off before I go back to work on Tuesday.... laters!
  10. Phantom

    Christian...

    By Phantom,

    ...it's a name that's been going around and around my mind of late, but I have no clue why.
     
    Maybe because it reminds me of a long lost love of mine, or maybe it's because I just like the name.
     
     
    Anyway, I'm obsessed lately with this one song All Along the Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix. I have no clue as to why I'm obsessed with that either.
     
     
    Things are going well on the job front, I applied to be a fulltime staff person at my job which means 40 hours (I'd also be an overtime sub as well ), benefits and such so that's good.
     
    Well... i'm off to tinker some more with the computer and wear my brain down for bed.
  11. Phantom
    Okay so, lately its been nothing but business with me. Between work and school and such I managed to find a job opening at staples for their easy tech.
     
    WELL let me tell you something about it.
     
    I went for an interview last week where they were talking about my computer experience and certifications and such, but this week I sat down with the General Manager (who was 45 minutes late to my interview with him.... really unprofessional IMHO). He gave me the low down on the job and what I would be doing, which is why I turned it down.
     
    1) They didn't want me to repair computers, but sell things
    2) The GM wanted to make sure I was okay with selling things that people MIGHT NOT NEED. Yes you read right, I was to sell things that people might not necessarily need. WTF?!
    3) The chance of me actually fixing a computer would be slim to none mainly because I had sales goals to meet each week, and if I didn't meet them I would be written up and such.
    4) They wanted to hire me at minimum wage (7.75 in my state) which is bull because of my previous management, retail and computer experience.
    5) I had to upsell staples extended warenties, which are bull because they don't cover what they say they do.... think about that one....
     
    So yea, after all of this, they were eager for me to come on and work for them and I turned them down saying that:
    1) It wasn't what the job description online said I would be doing
    2) That I was looking primarily for a job in the repair/tech field, not sales.
     
    I guess it was my fault really for not reading between the lines, but oh well it was good interview experience. So now i'm off to work and then out to Karaoke night at the bar. W00t!
     
     
    Eric
     
    PS - Stay away from staples in terms of tech... it's not worth the headache you'll get....
  12. Phantom

    Freakout!

    By Phantom,

    I have roughly 6 months left in my time in NJ, and its all happening way to fast. My mom told me that they have a real estate agent coming to give an estimate on the house and within two-three months, they're putting it up for sale. On top of it, they're going to be moving soon because dad got a job offer with his current employer to move possibly to Maryland. If he declines that he's going to consider the job offer he got in PA. Oh and they were also approved for another loan for a house where ever they move to. So yea, this all hit me today because they told me that today... so needless to say I'm a little stressed. I tried all of my de-stressing techniques and they aren't working so i'm gonna goto the bar and hang out with friends and enjoy (hopefully) karaoke night.
     
    I know I bitch about being in NJ, but honestly I'm not ready to leave yet. I have to much that's going on and not enough time to work through it all.
     
    Eric :S
  13. Phantom

    Six years

    By Phantom,

    Your face still comes to me in my dreams, even then it's been more then 6 years since I last saw you. Since you last held me in your arms, since you took me and made me feel happy. It's been six years, and I still remember the name of the Axe body spray you wore the first time I met you. I remember how smart you were, and all that you taught me with computers. All my talents and ideals about computers, came from you, and now that I'm going to school for them, I have you to thank for it.
     
    It feels so much longer, but it's only been six years since I last saw you, and I still miss you every day. I compare all guys I meet and date to you, and none have yet to measure up to you.
     
    I miss you a lot, and I know you'll never see this, but I hope that fate draws you to this.
     
     
    Eric
  14. Phantom

    Changes

    By Phantom,

    Well lots have been happening as of recently, so I'll do my best to list them all here:
     
    1. I'm single again, and this time it was a good breakup. We both agreed that things weren't the same anymore, that we were loosing touch with our original feelings, so we ended up just becoming good friends, so the way I see it I lost a lover and boyfriend, but gained a best friend out of it.
     
    2. School started up again, so i'm gonna be busy with that again. I got my second round of testing next week and go from there onto my third which is going to be a new start for me!
     
    3. Work is being chaotic, but soon (basically in February) it'll be decent again. I called my manager today and told her that I would no longer be available to work Saturdays at the garage which she was kinda disappointed to hear, but oh well. I'm going to be working more and more at ARC and once I get my med training in, I'll be up to 20-30 hours a week there on average which will be nice
     
    4. I still don't have a car yet, but hopefully by the end of summer, beginning of fall I will have one.
     
    So yea... i'm gonna be busy, but less stressed really.
     
    Cheers!
    Eric
  15. Phantom

    Damn it all to hell

    By Phantom,

    Well today was a really shit tastic day...
     
    I woke up this morning to a call I never wanted to hear, my dad called from the hospital my grandfather was at telling me that he died, not a good way to wake up in the morning, and really shitty news to boot.
     
    So the next thing I do is call my area manager and tell him that I won't be at work Friday and Saturday because I'll be attending my grandfathers funeral. He said he was sorry to hear the news, but if I wanted to miss my shifts, I had to find my own coverage and if I didn't, I would have to be there. Well, the eager bitch in me came out and told him flat out, I can't because I have things to take care of and stuff to do to help my father out, and I will not be there because I will be in another state attending the funeral of my grandfather. He said okay sorry for your loss and hung up.
     
    At that point I was in shock about how callous he was with this so it took me awhile to write an email to my HR person informing her that I will no longer work for a company that doesn't allow one of their employees to attend a funeral unless they find coverage and that I quit, don't expect me to come back.
     
    Yea I'll probably get a call monday morning asking me to wait, think about it, so when I'm not so irate at the garage, we'll see.
     
    Meanwhile, I'm gonna go and get ready. I leave tomorrow to go to PA where my grandfather is and we'll go from there.
     
    Eric
  16. Phantom

    What crosses my mind....

    By Phantom,

    Okay. I fell asleep a few hours ago but woke up cus my eyes were bothering me again (Pink eye... gotta love it.... growl). So now I'm lying in my bed, my netbook pulled out and i'm writing a blog. Go figure.
     
    Hmmm well, let's see what all I managed to do today...
     
    1. Download and install a new copy of Windows 7 that I bought for 30 bucks (yay student discount!!!). I got it up and running on my new hard drive, so now i'm golden with my computer.
     
    2. I had to call out of work cus of my Pink eye being in not just one eye but both, and since I work with people who sometimes need extra care, I had to call out of work so I wouldn't give this pain in my eyes to them.
     
    3. I had to scrap my new years plans cus i'm sick, so to make up for it, i'm gonna go tomorrow to the store and get me a bottle of wine.
     
    4. I lost 7 lbs so far since I started to tweak my diet to include less crappy food and substitute it with better, healthier food (also throwing in some exercise helped I think) and I feel better about myself.
     
    5. I'm working a little bit on my anthology that I have planned for spring, I hope y'all think it's a good one!
     
     
    Well... I thought this would tire me out but it didn't so im gonna go play wow till I pass out. Yay!
     
    Eric
  17. Phantom

    Long time...

    By Phantom,

    It's been awhile since I last wrote a blog, and since I have something on my mind today I'll write it out and update ya!
     
    I've been busy this week doing so much stuff for one job and training at my other job. In the mean time I've been Christmas shopping as best I could and finally I dealt with a snow storm and had to dig out my neighbor (they got snowed in and they couldn't open their doors lol).
     
    The work at the garage has finally sent me over the edge and As of February 1st, I will no longer be working there unless some drastic changes come about (a damn heater would be one, i'm tired of freezing my ass off in the booth). I spoke to my manager yesterday and while she was upset that I was leaving, she understood. She wrote an email to the HR person for our location and now she's going to come down this Monday to talk to me about what is going on and what I would like (classic HR bullshit really).
     
    Work at ARC is going better as well. I've managed to get a few shifts in here and there randomly, but cus i'm a new sub with a lack of training, I'm not gonna get the hours I need, but that'll change soon. I have my CPR/First Aid cert. and now I'm going for Med training after New Years which gaurentes me more hours (yay!).
     
    I also got a nice early Christmas Present from the Jury Management Office of Monmouth County in the form of a letter stating that, due to medical reasons, I am excused from Jury Duty. To me, it's both a good thing and a bad thing because while it would've raised my stress level getting from there to work, I don't like using my disability to get out of things I think are important.
     
    Now today is what got my mind whirling, I was sitting in Church today (okay for most of the day LOL) and I met a young guy in the Youth Group who started talking to me (guess i'm not SUCH and ogre lol). We got into talking about the high school here, and how the kids are, along with some other subjects of varying subjects. But it turns out hes a foster kid with some horror stories up his sleeve. Once the candle light service started, we parted ways to go sit with our families, and when I saw him sit with his family, I guess it was his foster dad put an arm around his shoulder and I saw the kid smile, and it touched me.
     
    Now some of you may or may not totally believe in prayer, but I do and today is a good example of why. When we gave our thanks, we all bowed our heads and prayed once we were done and I had an image of the Kid I was talking to and one that I came across on my last trip to NYC in the East Village. The guy was on the street, begging for money and he looked no older then the kid from youth group that I met today. I gave him some money hopefully for some food or at least a warm drink, and I felt happy with that, a warm happiness.
     
    On the way home, I still had that image in my head, of the kid on the street and I couldn't shake it. Hell I still can't, and it bothers me till I thought of something that put it to rest. From now on whenever I goto the city, I'm gonna carry some extra money in my wallet and the next kid I see in the village who's in need, I'm gonna help the best way I can. Whether its to get him a coat, a warm meal, or something, that's what I wanna do. When I affirmed that in my head, I had this huge warm feeling take me over and it felt good.
     
    So, from praying, I got this idea, and I think it was affirmed, so that's what I'm going to do.
     
     
    Well, it's almost midnight and i'm tired so i'm outties!
     
    Eric
     
    Oh PS - Expect a Spring Anthology from me in 2010!
  18. Phantom
    Well... Thanksgiving has come and pass, so I figured now that I'm done living a life of luxury (who can pass up my grandmother's food?) that I'm going to start to switch to a healthy, organic diet where I can. I've been thinking about it and it's a bit of a change from what I'm used to, and also a bit pricey, but it should help me get back into shape. Another thing that I'm doing is cutting down big time on smoking. I love to smoke, but I know it's bad for me and can quite possibly kill me in the long run, so I have to quit. I've started to cut down, and limit myself on when and where I can smoke (not at work, not at school, and if I can only after meals).
     
    Another good thing that I'm gonna start to do is go bike riding as much as I can, and sometimes go with Matt. I brought the idea up with him last night when we were talking and he seemed to like the idea, mainly because it'll be good exercise, cheap to do, and be fun at the same time. I'm also gonna be joining a gym in a few weeks, most likely after Christmas because my parents are getting me a membership to a gym in Red Bank where I spend a lot of my time, so why not use the gym there?
     
    Also, I will shortly be posting some pictures of the area of Pennsylvania that I'm basing my story Big Valley on. I've completed two chapters so far, but I'm holding off on posting anything till I know I'll be finished with it. Meanwhile, you can take a look at the pictures and get a good idea on the area and what it looks like. The only thing is you'll have to forgive some of the pictures because the ones I got were taken from a moving car with my camera phone and it kinda skewed the focus a bit. I'll be returning to the area most likely in Late December, Early January so I'll be getting more pictures with my camera (I promise not to forget it this time!!!! )
     
    Well, my break from school work is over, time for me to go battle the monster known as Network + (if I can get the stuff today grrrrr....)
     
    Eric
  19. Phantom

    Huh

    By Phantom,

    Yea. Google has disappointed me with the Preview of Chrome OS. I thought it would be a good chance to break away from the system, yet its just another disapointment.
     
    Anyway, I'm on trek to be done with my A+ Certification next week (Security and Professionalism are the last two chapters I have) then it's off to Network+ .
     
    Oh and I also need a vacation really bad. I'm starting to have a constant headache (stress headache) and just feel really beat lately. I thought I was getting sick, but I realized that it's my depression getting the better of me from living such a monotnous life anymore (school work, then work work, with a hint of BF thrown in). I wish i could afford to take some time off and just spend it with Matt, cus that always perks me up, cept I can't. I have to many bills to pay and a car/insurance to get and soon.
     
    If this blog makes no sense, it's cus I'm wayy to tired to be writing, but I had to get it off my chest.
     
    Laters.
    Eric
  20. Phantom

    Busy Busy Busy

    By Phantom,

    So, I've been busy over the past few weeks (though it generally feels like months HA) mainly with school work and my jobs.
    This week I go in for my paperwork/physical session with my new job to make sure I'm healthy and not a medical threat to the clients I work with, which is cool because that means that I get a free physical (and I hope that the doc doing it is a hot one as well XD ) Once that's all done and over with, I start my trainings which include, but not limited to, crisis intervention training, medicine distribution training, CPR/AED, and a bunch of other trainings (the ones I know was told to me by a friend who works at the same place I will be soon. Working at ARC will be an eyeopening experience, and one that I'm glad to have. I can sub when I can, and adjust my hours as needed to various places (a great way to supplement my work at the garage). I'll learn a lot, but most of the things I can't talk about due to various confidentiality practices that I will also be learning about.
    AnyWho... I upgraded the other day to Ubuntu 9.10 (Karmic Koala) on both my laptop, and I have to say I love it. It's really good to be able to switch to a system that's free, open and provides various innovations. Okay. I have to admit I do still have a Windows partition on my desktop, but in a weird way. I use a program called VirtualBox that lets me run an operating system on top of the one I'm originally using, and I have to say it's a blessing really, because I have a dedicated Linux system that, if need be, I can use Windows (like I do with school and such). Another cool part about school is the library of eBooks I have access to, and right now I'm learning some things that can help in the future in terms of programming. I'm nowhere near proficient enough to do any good yet (though my plan is to work on extensions for Google Chrome and go from there).
    I'm also still doing a debate on which eBook reader I want to get in the future (a graduation present to myself when I finish my MCSA training this May/June) and I'm torn between the Nook from B&N and the Kindle from Amazon. I like both and honestly I'm leaning more towards the Nook because it's based on Google's Android OS (an open source system) and also because I tend to shop there a lot. I'd get a Kindle, but I don't shop nearly as much at amazon, and also they had a big issue at one point with deleting 1984 from the Kindles for some reason (I forget why). So come this June, I'll most likely have one (instead of carting my netbook around for reading and such).
    Also it's Halloween time for me, and tomorrow I'll be stuck at work for a 13 hour shift (It's a lot I know, but I now get Sunday's off because of it ). Then i'm going to spend Sunday with Matt and go out that night with our friends, then head to my house. Honestly I just don't want to call it home anymore because it doesn't feel like it. I was taught that home to me is a place where you can be yourself, love your family and call it you're castle. Lately though, my house is becoming more and more unpleasant to live in, due to many different issues going on. Basically mom is being a bitch, yet this time she's directing her anger at everyone else. Last night was the worst of it and set me off to the point that my anxiety level shot up. So, I left. My dad asked where I was going and I said to Red Bank (this was at 10pm when I left, and the only places open there are the bars and Broadway Diner). He didn't like it, but I didn't care. I left, caught the next train and headed to Walt Street Pub. I had an O'Dules (non-alcoholic beer) and caught some game on the TV and when I was done, left for Broadway Diner where I did some anxiety therapy and had myself a plate of cheese fries and coffee (I know some of you are gaging, but it's my happy food ). I came home later that night when everyone was asleep and felt better.
    Mom cleared out of my way when she came home from work because she must've known I was pissed at her. Well, it didn't stay that way for long because when I cleaned up from dinner, she yelled at me to not clean the kitchen while she was watching her show. At this point I lost it, and considering I've kept my temper in check for a long time now, I guess it was time that it came out. I turned the sink off, left the mess on the counter and the dirty dishes in the sink and told her "f**k this, you wanna be a bitch fine, but don't take your shit out on me." I know it's not a nice thing to say, but she had it coming. She also apologized to me later that night and I just grunted an acceptance.
    Hmmm what else.... Oh yea... Sushi (my fish) has a few issues. One, he's a shy eater. He won't eat if I look at him (he swims to the bottom of his bowl then goes to eat when I look away). He's spastic at night (I woke up a few times to him doing something to the gravel in his bowl. Seriously, it sounds like he takes a bunch of gravel and throws it!). He's also a messy fish. I've never had to clean a fish's bowl at much as I do with his! On a final note about Sushi, I really like him. He's the best present I ever got from any Boyfriends.
    Well... I'm off to bed. Laters!
  21. Phantom

    Better

    By Phantom,

    It's an amazing thing really, how things can change over time. Just last week, me and my mom were getting along really well, joking about things and acting like there wasn't a problem in the world. I even switched my hours for work this week and cancelled some plans I made with friends so that I could spend some extra time with her yesterday (it was also her birthday).
    Today I spent the better part of the day doing school work (labs, reading, exercises, etc.) that I needed to do and came home and started cleaning the kitchen and other various places. That's when mom came in, ripping through the house like a bat on fire. She was yelling at me that I don't do nearly enough around the house (cleaning wise) and that she expects to come home to a clean house when she's done working. She also tells me that since I'm living at home rent free, I should be expected to do things without being told.
    I brought up calmly the fact that I did clean the kitchen and vaccum the house but that I was busy doing other things as well. When she asked me what I did I told her that I was doing school work and other things, which didn't seem to click. I explained to her that the reason why I'm excelling isn't because I got a talent for computers, but that I spend most, if not all, of my free time studying.
     
    That said, I went to my room and grabbed my bag and proceeded to leave, not because I was pissed at her, but because I made plans earlier that day to spend with Matt. She got pissy with me when I told her where I was going, and that I was spending the night, accusing me of just running away from my problems. At that point I had it. I turned right back around and told her that just because I was leaving the house doesn't mean I'm running away from my problems. I'm leaving without settling because if I stuck around, my temper would get the better of me and we'd end up screaming at each other and going down hill. I made the final verbal jab telling her that I'm going to be the bigger person in this case and leave, preventing myself from looking like a fool.
    That must've made a point or two because she immediate shut up and I just left.
    Now that I got that off my chest (and feeling better for it ) time to talk about what else is going on. I recently got hired to work with mentally disabled people in various group homes across the area I live in. I'd talk more about it, but there's various confidential items that I can't discuss about it. Needless to say, I'm working as a substitute so my hours and times I work vary. I'm really looking forward to this because it's not only a change of scenery, but I also get to work with people and learn from them, while teaching them.
    Things with Matt are going well, and we're connecting more and more each day, and I fall for him more and more each second I see him (Gushy I know )
    Well, my train's coming so I gotta run before I loose my WiFi signal.
    Cheers!!!
    Eric
  22. Phantom

    Mozilla 1 Microsoft 0!

    By Phantom,

    Ima update this later today because I'm dead tired (and I have an ebook to read... it's really good!) and gonna pass out, but I'm happy to say that the Mozilla Foundation (i.e. Firefox, Thunderbird, etc.) gave a nice big FUUUUCK YOU to Microsoft today.
     
    Turns out that from previous versions to now of Firefox, they had a way to disable on a massive scale certain addons that could mess with the security browser (which is a good thing bad thing). Recently, Tuesday if I'm not mistaken, Microsoft released a 'security update' that installed itself to the Firefox browser that was causing not only stability issues in it, but massive security headaches (Windows Presentation Foundation and .Net Framework Assistant 1.1). If you use Firefox and logged on, you might have been greeted with a message saying Firefox disabled the updates/addons. This was executed by Mozilla to protect users from Microsoft's security issues that it tends to carry.
     
    Now that's all said and done, I'm off for bed. Expect a big update on this tomorrow (yes I'm being a BIG GEEK when it comes to this, but I'm happy about it!!!)
     
    Eric
    Avid Open Source Supporter
  23. Phantom
    Okay, to start off on a positive note, I had my one year anniversery with Matt over the weekend where we did a whole bunch of things and he got me one of the cutest thigns ever, a fishey (and the tank, food, etc.). I decided to name my fish Sushi because I love irony of late and thought it would be in good taste (no pun intended).
     
    Also I got to be a computer genius by helping my sister connect to the internet (our router was FUBARED dunno why, but it's not my fault! I SWEAR! ) from memory. (Someone messed with the settings and turned the SSID brodcast off... I blame mom so now they can connect though my genius )
     
    Now, yesterday I started to get some weird sensations in my leg, like it was falling asleep but not quite. There was a lack of sensation to it (kinda hard to feel anythihng) and it was very stiff and tense. I thought I just pulled a muscle or something until I started to walk around on it to loosen it up when I fell because it gave out. That scared the HELL outta me, so I went to the VNA clinic by me to get it checked out, and thankfully, its nothing to serious. I messed up a nerve in it and that's why its so messed up. The doc told me lots of alternating heat and cold, and some Ibuprofen incase theres any swelling. So far, it's going well and I even get to use a cane till it gets better. To be honest, I think I just caught the oldness from Trebs (ducking his incoming THWAP)
     
    Secondly, I'm sad to say that my laptop that I got three years ago died today at work. The motherboard failed on me and I'm now without one, so I'm down to using my desktop at home. It's not a pain really because I do have my desktop, but I do have a lot of memories (along with blood sweat and tears) that go along with it. I got it three years ago as a welcome home present from my stay in the hospital and I've always had it with me since. Lately, I've been using it more and more for school (lots of online labs to do) but tonight at work, it finally died. I noticed something weird with it when windows was acting funny by saying all sorts of stuff was disconected. My first thought was I had a virus messing with things, so I backed up everything that was important to my flash drive that I always have on me. I turn it off and turn it back in to log into safe mode to fix it, but when I did, it wouldn't go past the POST screen and displaed a whole bunch of errors. Basically my laptop is dead so now I'm down to just my desktop.
     
    Well, this is a mix of good and bad news, so bleh. In any case, I blame the laptop dying on C James cus I was reading LTMP over again. Darn you Goat!!!!
     
    Eric
  24. Phantom

    I look to him

    By Phantom,

    I feel like a fat ugly slob who can't do anything for himself....... and this is why.........
     
     
     
    I was at work today when the guy who lives across the street came out to get his dog. The guy, who i've met before, is a little older then me by a few years, cept there's some BIG differences between me and him. It bothered me to no end today after I saw him and waved hi and he waved back. His damn good looks, ripped body just stood there. He brought his arm up, his muscles flexing (yes he was shirtless) and I couldn't help but have a wave of envy wash over me and then, I began to feel like shit.
     
    So what do I do when I feel like that? Well, I start to go to random pages on the net, and in this case I went to one my friend linked me, the NOH8 campaign site with all the pictures and such, and that just made me feel worse. All the guys on there were GORGEOUS. I mean frackin gorgeous.
     
    So yea, my self esteem took a huge dump today and has yet to rise back to where it was before, and well, I have no one to blame but myself. I could start exercising more, and eating better, quit smoking, but I just have no will power to do it. I mean how the hell am I supposed to work on myself if I'm to damn lazy to do it?
     
    I'm not talking about joining a gym and religiously exercising and counting carbs like a bank counts money, but I mean I just can't force myself to do the smallest thing (sit-ups, curl-ups, push-ups, etc.). I'll get started on an easy regiment and within a week I loose focus and stop doing it. I know I know, this blog if full of self pitty, but I need to get it off my chest. Maybe then I'll do something about it. I can't rely on anyone but myself to do this, or hold me accountable for it, so I should stop blogging and start doing.
     
    Heh.
     
    Eric
  25. Phantom
    After much thought and soul searching, I find myself no longer wanting to write. It's like all my creative jucies just rolled up and died on the operating room table. Though that's not to say that I'm not intrested in the whole process of writing. A lot of my passion I found is wrapped up in Beta reading and helping an author figure something out, you know make them think things out when they get stuck, or explain something that a reader might question, to me THAT'S where my passion lies.
     
    What brought this all about? Well, Big Valley did. It was a story idea that I had and for the past week or so, I've been attempting to write it, but to no progress. What I found though was taht I like coming up with the idea, and working out different scenarios with it, and making them come out. Or, to put simply, I liked coming up with the idea and thinking it though, but it just didn't translate from the brain to paper.
     
    So yea. I'm not an author, but I guess someone who can help an author.
     
    Cheers!
     
    Eric
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