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Phantom

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  1. Phantom
    Ok... if you should know I'm a big animal lover, and if you hurt them or do anything wrong with them, expect me to do something about it! RWAR!
     
    I went to work today and across from my job is a house and on the porch was a dog who was out side. Her name (I later found out) was Dolly. I'm not sure what type of dog she is, but she was really cute. Now I could hear her barking and at first I thought it was cus she was outside. After an hour I look outside and her bark is getting more panicky (you can tell cus it started to have a whine/cry to it) and I could see her pawing at the door. I walked over and looked around and saw that she had no food or water outside and nothing to sleep on which got me ticked off.
     
    I looked and saw that there was no one home, so I called the ASPCA. The woman who answered said someone would call me back, but never did. Another hour passes by and its getting colder outside and Dolly was still barking and carrying on. One of the customers I had mentioned that the dog (Dolly) has been carrying on since at least 1pm which got me PISSED! How could you treat an animal like that? Leave her outside with no water, food or anything to sleep on and also leave her outside in the cold (the temp was around 40 or so, high of 50's).
     
    That did it for me. I called Red Bank police and reported a case of animal cruelty (thanks to my internet sluthing) and told them excatly what was going on. A few minutes later the police came by and observed the situation and told me that if they couldn't get in touch with the owner, that they would call the ASPCA. Well they couldn't so the ASPCA comes around and take Dolly away, leaving a notice on the door saying that they could contact the ASPCA of Eatontown the next business day in regards to Dolly being taken away.
     
    Well... around 10ish, I got a call from the guy at the ASPCA (cus I was concerned about the dog and asked the guy to let me know what was going on when he could) and he told me that Dolly was doing well. She was in a kennel with food and water and that there were no outward signs of abuse. He also told me that she would be staying with them until the owners were investigated for animal cruelty and from what he said, they could be issued a fine or a court summons (which I hope they do ) and that if she was abused, that they would take her away and keep her at the kennel (which thankfully is a no-kill shelter).
     
    I hope the best for Dolly and hope that everyone on GA does the right thing... if you suspect a case of animal cruelty contact your local ASPCA and ask to speak with an animal cruelty officer and tell him all of the details of the situation and don't leave anything out. If it's an emergancy, like you see someone beating or hurting an animal in anyway call the police right away!
     
    Eric
  2. Phantom

    Looking for...

    By Phantom,

    After the most recent blow out with my mom and me, me and Matt decided that it was time for me to move out and get my own place. Well... we looked at one place today in Ocean Grove and it didn't go so hot. It was cozy to say the least, kinda on the small side. It was a bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, living room and that's it. When we looked around at it thats when we got the low down.
     
    In an area where an apartment like this should go for (according to the websites that I checked 600-800 a month) the guy wanted $1,050. To which me and Matt looked at each other and went hell no, but looked at the guy and said we would look at where we were and think about it, meaning hell no. WE told him that the highest we could go is 700, the medium of what the area is and he looked like he we were speaking greek.
     
    So yea... it sucks. It was a huge blow to us and really disheartning.
     
    Maybe we'll have better luck with a cardboard box.
  3. Phantom

    Untitled

    By Phantom,

    I don't know how to title this... so I'm gonna leave it untitled...
     
    Me and my mom had a blow out again... this time it's left me numb and confused...
     
    I don't know what to do.. I want to run away... or at least get away from her cus the more i'm around her, the more its hurting.
     
    I know she loves me, but it still hurts what she says to me...
     
    I'm numb inside, and i'm lost and confused...
  4. Phantom

    Hello!

    By Phantom,

    It's been awhile... so I figured I would let you guys know whats going on with me of late.
     
    Recently, the weather's been getting nicer so I figured what better way to get back into shape then by biking to and from places while I wait to save up for my car. It would be a lot better (and quicker) to get to and from the train station (compare a 10 minute bike ride to that of a 30 min walk). I could use it to go places quicker and well, it would be better. Unfortunatly, lady luck decided to recently cast me with a case of bad luck. Since i'm not in school right now, my student loans came due and on top of that, my medical bills of late are still there. I've been looking around for second hand bikes and such, but no luck. Even the Wal-Mart by me has their cheapest bike at 100 bucks or so. Out of my price range right now. It's funny though, I've been thinking about starting a "Save Eric's Sanity Fund" (since these bills are making me crazy) webpage and ask for donations from people using paypal, but I'm not that desperate.... yet... lol...
     
    On a lighter note, I've decided to resurect my drag queen side and make an appearance at my boyfriends 21st Birthday party. Brandi Fyerce will be making an appearance because of a plan that me and my friends worked out. As far as Matt knows, I'll be working that night and unable to attend his birthday. Well, I got that night off and decided to suprise him that way. Well, after looking at the crazy Brit Brit pics (you know, the ones where she shaved her head and donned the infamous pink wig?) I was inspired to bring back Brandi Fyerce, albeit a bit tuned down, since we will be in a restaurant where she makes her appearance. My plan is to turn it out a little for the children and for Matt especially since he never saw my super Queen side of me lol.
     
    Speaking of Matt, things are going really well between me and him. We're coming up on our 6 month anniversary and we're loving every minute of it. He's been there for me so much, I couldn't ask for anyone better then him.
     
    I've been doing a bit of writing on some more random topics, mainly trying my hand at different genres and seeing where I go with that. It came to my mind that if I write something as good as the hosted authors here, maybe I could find someone to publish it and make some money off of it, i'm not talking about thousands of dollars, but at least something to help out with the bills a little.
     
    Gah there I go, about the bills again! *Smacks self* Bad Eric BAD!
     
    Other then that, Work and World of Warcraft have taken over my life. Yea, sad I know.
     
    Hmmm... Oh!
     
    I kinda put my smoking and coffee addiction aside for good. I'm on the nicotine patch and it's helping and the coffee is gone as well, replaced by tea. I'm trying to make myself healthier and get back in shape.
     
    That's it... see ya all's around!
     
    Eric
  5. Phantom

    Dreams

    By Phantom,

    It's one of the most simple questions, but at the same time, one of the hardest questions to ever yourself. It's four simple words, very plain english, and yet, it can send someone reeling trying to answer it. This question is also one that is constantly asked by people both young and old, and one that will forever haunt us and follow us when we do answer it. What is this question you may ask?
     
    What are your dreams?
     
    Easy to say right? No big vocabulary words in it, no hidden meanings, just a plain question that is the hardest one to answer.
     
    So I ask you. What is your dream? What do you want from life, something that will bring you untold joy to your future?
     
    To start, mine is simple and complex. I want to help LGBTQ teens by giving them the advice and help that they need. I want to give them a place, or work in a place where they can be free to be themselves, and not face the judgment of others. I want to give them someone to talk to that can help them, and not try to take advantage of them or their situation in anyway. I want to show them what it's like to make good choices and what it can bring about. Ultimatly, my biggest dream is to help at least one teen avoid suicide because they feel that there is nothing else left for them and no one to help them.
     
    That's my dream. What's yours?
  6. Phantom
    Hey everyone
    Today before work I took some pictures of the town I love, Red Bank NJ. It's a nice town filled with lots of open space, neat little shops, a Starbucks and the like. While I was taking pictures, I was listening to a song that I've come to fall in love with "Asleep - The Smiths" and I personally think it goes well with the photos I took. So if you want, take a look at the photos and listen to the song while doing so. If you wanna leave some comments, feel free to here or on the actual photo.
     
    Link to the pictures: Around Red Bank
     
    Safe Journeys everyone!
    Eric
  7. Phantom

    The Gathering

    By Phantom,

    Since the last post was a real downer... this one I promise isn't going to be... as much
     
    Me and mom are back to talking after the fight we had. We're gonna be going into counseling together and try to work out the issues that bother us about each other. Till then, we promised each other to steer clear of topics that could lead to another blowout.
     
    Secondly... I miscounted... I've been with matt (as of yesterday) for 4 months not 5... so sue me
     
    Third, i've been getting the feeling that lately I feel broken inside, namely after the blowout with my mom I reread my journal entires (thank God I keep one cus well... it gives me an insight as to what is going on with my mind of late) and I found somethings that are bothing me and I'm gonna work on them and try to fix myself.
     
    Fourth work is getting annoying. The gates are seriously possesed by Satan (I had to do an exorcisim last night of one... made it out alive, but the old priest and the young priest... well they wern't so lucky ). My boss, while I think the world of her, she can be an idiot at times, 'nuff said.
     
    Fifth, I know I keep saying this, but I'm getting back into writing now. I have a few distractions, but it's been helping me get out some frustrations, and seeing as how i'm a perfectionist of late, I'm gonna be posting things when I think they're ready. So if you like what I write... keep an eye out
     
    Lastly, support GA and help keep it open. Sign up for the premium content for $7.50 and trust me it'll go along way to helping not only the site, but you'll feel good about doing a good deed
     
    Eric
  8. Phantom

    Issues

    By Phantom,

    *Cue Soap Opera Music*
     
    Well... it happened. World War 3 between me and my mom. We went at it yesterday over the most random of things and it ended up being about me and my sexuality and how it hurts her. How it wound from me saving money to me being gay and such, I have no idea. She ended up telling me how I was irresponsible, how I should have matt start paying my medical bills, and some really hurtful comments. I ended up telling her exactly how I felt (and a few weeks of bottled up feelings towards her) made themselves clear.
     
    After calling her a bigot, a hateful and spiteful person, and someone who makes everything about her, she stormed over to me and opened the door and said theres the door. I looked at her, ran up to my room packed my work uniform, an extra set of clothes, my medicine, my laptop and went down stairs, looked at her and she said what do you think your doing?
     
    I looked right at her and said "Being the gay drama queen that you always accuse me of being."
     
    She looked right at me and said "Well your acting like one."
     
    I looked back at her and called her a bigot again, opened the door, and left.
     
    I walked up to the train station by my house where I spent most of the walk on the phone with my dad where he was trying to calm me down and promising to play peacemaker between me and bitch (errr mom). I eneded up calling matt and he rescued me at the train station and I spent the night at his house where he did everything he could to get my mind off things. We went out to eat, we walked through the mall near his house where he bought me a game (Wrath of the Litch King Expansion pack for wow) and we went back to his house where we ended up watching a movie and going to bed.
     
    Thank God I have matt cus I don't know what I would've done without him.
     
    When I got up this morning we went to breakfast at my favorite diner where he treated me and I went to work. I also called my dad who wanted to make sure that I was ok and that I was gonna come home and I told him I would.
     
    Now, that all said and done, I'm going to go back home and if I get shit from my mom tomorrow... i'm right back out the door and heading to my friends house or something because I'm gonna make it clear to mom... if she can't be nice about things or at least keep her bitch mouth shut, I won't stick around to be the brunt of her frustrations.
     
    *sigh*
     
    On a good note, Feburary 1st is me and matt's 5 month anniversary
  9. Phantom

    Prayers for Bobby

    By Phantom,

    Dear Bobby,
     
    I am so sorry for what you went through and the way that you ended your life. I know what it feels like because I was there at one point in my life. I wanted to die and not live anymore because of the way I saw things. It took a strong person and a failed attempt to realize what I had and what I would've lost.
     
    I look back on it today and see how much my life has changed since then. While I still deal with some of the things that caused me to go deep into my depression, I look upon them with a greater conviction and strength. I know that my goal in life is to help people avoid what I almost did and to help them through those feelings.
     
    The most important thing that life has taught me is that suicide is a permamant solution to a temporary problem and while it may seem like there is no hope, there always is a small shining light to help guide you through it. To borrow a line from the trevor project and one that I can say with pride and conviction:
    "I'm glad I failed at suicide because my life is so amazing right now."
     
    Bobby, I know what I say now doesn't help, but I do hope that this letter will help someone figure out what took me forever to do. The three most important things
    1. There's always hope no matter how bleak the forcast
    2. Suicide is a permamant solution to a temporary problem
    3. There is always someone out there that cares for you, even if you feel alone
     
    With love and hope,
    Eric
     
    -----
    I decided to write this letter and post it here because of a movie that is going to play tonight on lifetime called prayers for bobby. The movie hits close to home for me, and it brings up some very important issues that face the GLBTQ community, especially the GLBTQ youth. For more information check out these sites:
     
    http://www.prayersforbobby.com - Movie website
     
    http://www.thetrevorproject.org/prayersforbobby.aspx - Trevor Project's take on the movie
     




     



     



  10. Phantom

    Good News Everybody!

    By Phantom,

    Well, something happened over the past few days that I never would've imagined happening to me.
     
    It started New Years Eve/Day where I got a little drunk on tequila (hush you Steve!!!) and let slip to not only my friends, but to Matt that, at the time, I think he was my soulmate, the one for me. I ended up drinking a little to much and he ended up taking care of me.
     
    The next day, we talked a little more about what I said to him the previous night and we both agreed that we felt the same way for each other, and I was beyond happy.
     
    Well... this weekend proved to be a more exciting time because not only did we spend most of it together, even though I had work in the morning GAH, but we connected even more. It was truly amazing especially when he stayed at my house after leaving to go home in the morning, came back to my job then to my house so he could watch my dog while I was at work, and that's when I knew that I was certain he was the one.
     
    Last night, I told some of you the good news. Me and Matt decided that while we were going to wait a few more months before being engaged, that we were, as of right now, engaged without the title.
     
    I know it sounds corny, but I've never been this happy or estatic in my LIFE!
  11. Phantom
    Here I am... lying in my bed trying to figure out things that I've been thinking about for the past few days. Be aware... for they may seem a bit weird and or shocking:
     
    1. I need to loose 30lbs. How did I come to this number? Well... since the only thing that's grown on me besides my weight and my gut, I want to return back to my old weight of 165. Don't worry... i'm doing this the healthy way and the safe way. No diet pills or junk like that, just good old fashioned hard work (even though it tastes bland).
     
    2. I need to find a better job, one that'll pay more so I can start saving to get a car and pay my insurance. That's issue 1 for me
     
    3. Taxes. Seeing as how I was screwed over last year with my taxes, I had them take out a little more and since I've been with the company long enough for me to cycle through on my taxes, I'm gonna resubmit my W-4 and redo it so that a normal amount of taxes gets taken out.
     
    4. Matt. I love him soo much that it hurts sometimes. He's issue 0 for me cus well... he's the most important thing to me. He's numero uno ALWAYS.
     
    5. I need to start writing and stop futzing around with my computers. I have some ideas, but I'm gonna keep quiet on them cus knowing me... they ain't gonna come out anytime soon.
     
    6. I'm heading to Deleware this weekend to help a friend move in to her place, while its sad to know that she's gonna be gone, it's gonna be a fun weekend... I can feel it.
     
    7. The informal get together... it sucks that I can't make it and as much as I want to go, I have to say maybe next time. Cides... I need either Matt or Steve to protect me from those of you on GA who wanna tequila the Eric
     
    8. I changed my alias on GA. Why? Cus I felt like it and I think it fits me more.
     
    Well... that's all... catch ya next blog
     
    Phantom
  12. Phantom

    Follow Up

    By Phantom,

    Well... last night me and matt talked a little bit more about our engagement, among other things and decided a few courses of action:
     
    1. We were gonna wait until I move out of my house and into my own place before making it offical (due to the facts my parents would probably flip out and attempt to make my life a living hell)
     
    2. Matt is gonna talk to his parents about what we're gonna do. He said that there is no worry, his parents are very open minded
     
    3. Me and matt are going to start attending a GLBTQ-Friendly Episcopalian for Christmas and easter in hopes of finding a church that would be willing to marry us one day (I'm Episcopalian and matt is a non-practicing cathloic)
     
    4. Me and him are gonna start looking for a cheap apartment around us that we can both agree on (but we're gonna wait until my parents are certain when they wanna move out so me and matt are gonna start saving our money).
     
    5. We decided that we were gonna get rings for our engagement, though we're not sure where yet.
     
    6. Me and him are gonna take a more active role in Gay Rights
     
    7. We're gonna take a small vacation together probably in the summer to Ocean City NJ
     
    Well, that's all I got so far... and as soon as it's offical me and matt will be sure to take pictures of our engagement
  13. Phantom

    This TIme Imperfect

    By Phantom,

    Well... my mom dropped a bombshell on me today... she told me that my dad, her and my sister are planning on moving out to PA by the end of the year at the earliest and by next summer at the latest. This comes as a shock to me because I thought they were planning on moving out there in 2 years.
     
    Now, normally I'm one to make fun of NJ first, but recently (ok, 4 months or so ago) I found a reason to stay out here and suffer through living in NJ. Matt. I wanna stay out here and be with him, but it's too soon for us to move intogether, but it'll be hard to try and live on my own.
     
    My plan right now is to save as much money as I can, pay off all my hospital bills and start looking for a better job then I have now and a cheap apartment to live in around where I live right now. Honestly, having a car is gonna take second to me moving out and living on my own.
     
    I mean I have the option to move out with my parents, but I don't want to. I want to live close by to matt becasue, afterall, I'm nothing without him. (yea yea... I know how that sounds, but he does mean a lot to me).
  14. Phantom

    Kyle

    By Phantom,

    I stumbled across this when I was at AwesomeDude and it really moved me... so I thought I would share it with everyone and see what they think...
     
    One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.'
     
    I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, 'Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives. He looked at me and said, 'Hey thanks! 'There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
    I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.
     
    He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
    Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, 'Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday! He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
     
    Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, 'Hey, big guy, you'll be great!' He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. 'Thanks,' he said.
     
    As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began 'Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends... I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.' I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. 'Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.' I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.
    Not until that moment did I realize it's depth. Never underestimate the power of y our actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.
     
    'Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.'
     
    There is no beginning or end. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift.
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Here's a PDF version of it:
    PDF Version
     
    Here's the topic at AD:
    AwesomeDude.com
  15. Phantom

    Author Time!

    By Phantom,

    Well... this is it. Yesterday was my last final in school and while I didn't do as well as I hoped I would, I still managed to do the best I could. What does this mean for you, you might be wondering, well, it means that I'll have more time to write and chat and such.
     
    I'm going to do a massive overhaul of my already published stories and hopefully finish up Lost in Pain. I know that I've said I would work on it but school kinda got in the way. Another thing... being in the hospital for six days brought about some ideas for stories that I'm going to try my hand at.
     
    So. This is the plan:
    Coming to Terms: I lost the final draft of it, so I'll be editing this myself and reposting it
    Lost in Pain: Since i'm stuck where I want to go with this, I'll be posting a final chapter with it and giving some conclusion to the story.
    Till Death Do Us Part: Thank you Sharon for showing me my errors and giving me some ideas for the story. I'll begin posting it once I have a reserve with chapters.
    eFiction: Keep an eye out because I'll be posting some new short stories soon...
     
    I want to thank Sharon, Steve, CJ, Krista, and Trebs for their help/support/ideas/etc. cus if it wasn't for them, I'd still be stuck at square 1
     
    Cheers!
    Eric
  16. Phantom

    I'm Back!

    By Phantom,

    Well everyone... reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated....
     
    I was in the hospital for six days because of a double whammy... turns out that Zithromax (an antibiotic) and the medicine I take for my anxiety just don't get along to well... and on top of that... i'm allergic to it! Pretty much they kept me in the hospital for 6 days for observation and it wasn't fun. I didn't have my phone or my laptop so there was no way for me to connect to the world :wacko:
     
    All in all... i'm doing MUCH better and ready to get back into the swing of things and, most of all, I missed you guys and gals
     
    Eric
  17. Phantom

    Yayness!

    By Phantom,

    So. Yesterday was amazing. I got to see Kevin Smith (if you don't know who he is, shame on you!). He's one of my favorite celebrities/directors/producers/etc.
     
    It was so neat to do a Q&A with him and trust me, it lasted a good 4.5 hours, and there was never a dull moment. He talked about everything from his experiences directing, to stories about his personal life, to breaking a toilet while he went number 2.
     
    Needless to say I loved it!!!
     
    In other news, I've decided that I'm long overdue in writing a story and while I have a serial planned to be released in the near future, I'm currently working on a short story that will be released within the week.
     
    Love ya all!
    Eric
  18. Phantom

    Yea

    By Phantom,

    The new bans suck... and they got me blue
     
     
    I'm just glad that we have someone in the White House who hopefully does a better job then the previous president.
     
     
    Canada is looking better and better.....
     
     
    Eric
  19. Phantom

    The Drop

    By Phantom,

    When life has always thrown curveballs at you, don't you begin to accept them? What I mean is, when good things start to happen, don't you (after getting it all the time) wait for the impending thud of the shoe dropping and something bad going on?
     
    That's how I feel right now. I have a good job, I have a loving boyfriend and I'm finally doing well in school, but I hate to say that I'm just waiting for something bad to happen. I've gotten so used to life getting me down that it's weird when it doesn't. It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and I start to get a tiny bit depressed when it doesn't because it feels like it will at any moment.
     
    I guess i'm just being stupid, but I had to get it out of my system.
  20. Phantom
    Sunday pretty much sucked big time when I accidentally deleted a partition on my laptop containing all of my music and videos (ARGH!!!!) and spent most of the day re-downloading the music that I lost (and I'll work on videos at a different time).
     
    But as abysmal as that was on Sunday, yesterday was incredible. I hung out with Matt after I got out of class and we watched TV and talked about everything at his place. Once dinner time came around, we went to the Cheesecake Factory and the food was INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a bit expensive (it cost about fifty bucks between the two of us) but we both agreed that it was well worth it.
     
    When we got back to his place after dinner we talked about what we felt for each other and what we saw ourselves at and when we concluded that we really cared for each other we decided to say the three most over used but the most signifigant words... I love you. When we both said that at the same time we both got really big smiles on our faces. I know people would say that two and a half weeks of dating is to soon to say it, but I know what I feel for him and it's incredible.
     
    He makes me so happy and I do the same for him... it's like everytime I see him I get butterflys in my stomach and when we kiss its like pure electricity.
     
    I think for the first time in a looooong time... i'm extremely happy and it's thanks to him
     
    Eric
  21. Phantom

    Conflict

    By Phantom,

    If the entire world made sense, what fun would it be? The whole mystery of life is built around the fact that there are questions in life that make us think and exercise our brains and reasoning abilities. For example, would you want to live in a world where there was nothing out of the ordinary? Nothing to figure out, nothing to make you think about something? What if we all wore the same clothes, listened to the same music and thought the same way about thing? It would get old fast huh?
     
    The same thing occurs in relationships, whether it be with your parents, your friends, or a loved one. Would you rather be some type of conflict in a relationship, or would you want the same thing every day? Personally, I would want to have some type of conflict, whether it be a disagreement over something or a small ideal. Now don't get me wrong, conflict all the time is a bad thing, but in small doses over life, it is a good thing. It gives you that little spice that's needed to make things more interesting.
     
    However, there is a difference between good conflict and bad conflict. A good conflict is something where you can remove yourself and not let it hurt you deeply and question yourself. A bad conflict, however, is one where you can't remove yourself and it hurts you every time you talk about it or it brings you into a depression. For example a good conflict is one where you and a friend are arguing over who's a better band, NSYNC or Backstreet Boys. A bad conflict is one where someone tells you that you are wrong because of your sexual orientation and you let it rock your core beliefs.
     
    Yesterday, I experienced a bad conflict, and it's one that I am hoping to rectify today. I came home after having a date and when my mom questioned me as to where I was and who I was with, typical parent, I told her I was with my friend Matt. When she asked me who he was and if he was straight, I immediately lied about it and told her he was and that he was a friend.
     
    Thinking about it today, I know that I was in the wrong because I shouldn't let myself be conflicted about who I am and who I want to be with. I should know enough that if I lie about something like this, it only leads to more stress and heartache on my part, but at least right now I know better then to let it go like I have in the past. I know that this conflict that I know I'm going to have is going to start off being a bad conflict but I know in my heart of hearts that it will eventually lead to a good one because it will, I think and I pray, finally lead to an acceptance in my life and in my parents eyes.
     
    In life, all we want is our parents acceptance and undying love. I know that with some people, it's a hard thing to earn, in my eyes, however, it's something that is worth all the struggle and the conflict that may arise. I love my parents to death, but I think it's time to stop hiding the fact that I'm dating a man and, even though I know they won't like it, I think it's time for the both of us to swallow a bitter pill, get through this conflict and be better people for it.
  22. Phantom
    Ok. One of my favorite pastimes when i'm bored at work is to watch Queer as Folk, among other things. I watched an episode today that kind of reminded me about an experience that I think is not only important, but I feel strongly.
     
    Being able to donate my blood to a blood bank.
     
    I did some research and found that the ban comes from a 1983 ban on gay men donating blood because of an HIV risk. To me, this is understandable especially given the fear and the lack of proper testing at the time. Today, in my oppinion, is a different matter all together. When researching this topic, I was highly suprised that the FDA kept the ban in place even after 14 years.
     
    In 2007, after groups like the American Red Cross said that the ban should be lifted and in it's place a 12 month deferral should be put in it's place. Why? Because of new tests that can detect HIV in donated blood between 10 to 21 days. When I read this and found out that the ban was still kept in place with the reason that the FDA is trying to prevent HIV infections.
     
    Why, if there are tests that can prove someone is positive or negative within 21 days, would that be a concern? Why, if I've been in a monogmous relationship with a man, should that prevent me from donating blood? The FDA's answer to this, yes. Does that mean if I was straight, hired 12 different prostitutes within a week of donating blood, should this prevent me from donating blood? The FDA's answer to this, no.
     
    I never really thought about this in context before, but now that I have, I think that I should be allowed the right to donate my blood provided that it get's tested.
     
    That's it for now, i'm stepping off my soapbox
  23. Phantom

    T.S. Hanna

    By Phantom,

    It's wet. That's all I gotta say. It's WET!
     
    Tropical Storm Hanna made landfall today south of me, but I can tell you that right now, I'm feelin the weather, and the rain (my commute to work is gonna SUCK!) and the wetness. As I'm writing this, I've learned that not only am I under a flood watch, but a tropical storm warning ACK!
     
    Needless to say I will be at work tomorrow, and shellin out the extra cash to take a cab there and back (i'm not waiting outside in this weather for the train!).
     
    Anywho i'm off for now... see you all bright and early!
  24. Phantom
    The title says it all about the message of this blog. Why don't I condone drug use? Because its an escapist route to hide form the problems that are bothering you consciously or subconsciously.
     
    I gave a little story in the soapbox on why I don't do drugs anymore (with the exception of smoking, yes i started again). My reason is that I tried to hide from many issues that I was facing at the time. Whenever I was clubbing, I always had a drink in my hand and it took me not drinking one night at a club to realize why I did. It was because I HATED clubbing and I HATED large crowds. Turns out, I suffer from a mild form of agoraphobia and I used alcohol, and a few other drugs that I did or tired while clubbing, to hide from all of that.
     
    Now as I get older and wiser, I'm off to pursue my degree and ultimately work in the social services field where I have to be clean and be around people who are as well. I'm the type of person who is COMPLETELY against the ideal of "Do as I say, not as I do." That's why I'm on the road to quitting smoking again (as soon as I figure out why I keep going back to it) and why I don't want to be around people who do drugs.
     
    Flame me all you want, but this is my stance and my ideals.
  25. Phantom

    A thought....

    By Phantom,

    Have you ever listened to a cd or a radio station where a song comes on and your met with an onslaught of emotions and memories? Well, with me it does, and i'm pretty sure it does with you as well. It doesn't even have to be a certain song, but an album or a genre. With me, to give you one example, I can listen to Hung Up by Madonna and remember back to the first club I went to, Stonewall in Allentown PA, and remember the first guy I kissed there while this song was playing. Another random example from my life is the fact that I can hear anything by the Killers and remember, both the good memories and the bad, of my stay at my old university.
     
    It's an amazing thing if you think about it, because it shows how much music can play a part in our lives, and we don't even realize it. When you hear a song when your first dating someone and share a kiss, most of the time that becomes your theme song at a wedding (if it turns out to be the right guy/girl what ever your taste ) or a song that is popular on the radio of your last years in college or in high school turns out to have instilled some good/bad memories of your time there.
     
    If you're reading this, then I challenge you to think back to some of your favorite songs and ask what they mean to you. Why do they mean that particular memory for you? I bet you find this as interesting as I did when I thought about it.
     
    As Always,
     
    Eric
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