Prison Of Hope - 1. Prison Of Hope

The foul stench of garbage caught Eric’s attention as soon as he entered the apartment. He realised that he should have known better than to trust Paul with garbage duty. Three days without Eric straightening up, and it already looked and stank worse than a pigsty. Floor littered with clothes, used napkins, discarded condom wrappers even.

“Not tonight!” He muttered rubbing his throbbing temples, he was already nursing a monstrous headache and he didn’t need or want to add more stress to that.

Carefully making his way into the kitchen, he found a clean glass and poured himself some water. A peek inside his medicine cabinet told him that Paul had had a party. In his absence they’d even managed to clear out the aspirin.

“What the hell do they get out of aspirin anyway? Stupid fuckers!” He muttered.

The water didn’t do much good without the aspirin and he really was too tired to draw a relaxing bath, so he opted for a hot shower to try and unwind before he hit the bed for some much wanted rest.

Stepping out he became angry at Paul again, for having used his towel, and angry at himself for not checking before he jumped into the shower. He was just about ready to beat up the first person in his sight, as he made his way to his bedroom through the cold January air.

“Oh dear lord!” He breathed a sigh of relief. To say he was surprised would have been a major understatement, the fact that his room looked like he’d left it, his bed still made, made him gasp in pleasant surprise. Quickly drying himself, he climbed under his dark blue blanket; within minutes he was warm and was soon fast asleep.

The next morning, he woke up in cheery spirits. His headache was gone. As he made coffee, he set to the task of cleaning the apartment. Eric knew full well that Paul would stay away long enough to make sure Eric got a chance to do away with the mess. For as long as he could remember, it had always been like this; it had been, what, 10 years now, that they’d been a part of each other’s lives. Paul made the mess, and then Eric would have to sort it out.

The 14^th year of his life had been a turning point for Eric. He’d lost both his parents and was forced to live with his aunt and her boyfriend just because he was a minor. Although Eric had nothing to complain about, given that they were financially well off and that Aunt Isabel left him to himself as much as he wanted, as long as he showed up once a day, preferably at dinnertime, to prove to her that he was alive and well. The one good thing that had come from living with Isabel, was that he’d met Paul for the first time in his life. It didn’t take them long to find the bond that they’d shared since they were one embryo once.

They’d been inseparable since, with Paul deferring to Eric in almost everything. Eric had always wanted a younger brother, although he and Paul were the same age, exactly, Paul needed a lot of taking care of; and Eric was more than happy to do the job. They’d even left their aunt’s house together when he turned 19, to move into a tiny apartment in the city, there was no way Paul would have stayed back without Eric, who had his mind made up for more than 5 months.

Ever since they’d moved into the city 4 years ago, Paul had changed. Gone was the timid boy who shied away from people, the one who looked up to Eric: wanting his approval, the one who loved to listen to music and read books. Eric was shocked one morning when he saw the hoops in Paul’s ears and the pierced eyebrow.

Usually they tried to not step on the other’s toes, they had some kind of an unspoken agreement. Eric was popular and made friends easily, Paul was someone who was always in Eric’s shadow, and honestly, had liked it there… so far! However, when Paul had started hanging out with the drunken bikers of the local pub, the ones who always tried making Eric’s life hell, Eric had been forced to intervene.

Much to Eric’s dismay, it looked like it was already too late. By the time he finally decided that he’d let Paul experiment enough, he had already turned into a person who, he would not even consider having an acquaintance with, let alone have him for a friend or a brother, even on his best day. The reaction that he got out of Paul was a wakeup call to a harsh reality. It was just the fact that they were a part of each other that somehow kept them both alive and in such close proximity without major bloodshed.

Eric picked up his magazines from the floor of the living room. He wondered how they’d gotten there if Paul hadn’t used his room. Besides, it wasn’t like Paul shared his taste in ummm…these types of magazines.

The answering machine was blinking; Eric walked and pressed the button hoping for a message from Paul, wishing that he was kind enough to leave a message as to when he might be returning home.

“Dude… Do you know your brother is a fucking homo! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me and asked me to crash in his room. Ewwwwwww… Just imagine what the fag does in it! I found some of his magazines in there. Took a cab home since there was no place left to lie down, woke up just now. If you want a ride for Saturday, call. It’s still too early, Danny out!”

Wincing at the word ‘fag’, no matter how hard he tried, Eric muttered, “Well, that answers THAT question!” shaking his head at Paul’s unfortunate choice of friends, he thought to himself; ‘At least Paul loves me enough not to let his hatred towards fags affect our relationship…much!’

Pressing ‘next’ on the machine, Eric heard Jordan’s voice.

“Hey Eric, did you get a new mobile yet? It’s hard to go so long without talking to you. I’m out of practice. Also, need to plan for Saturday, call me…and soon!” by the end of the message, Jordan’s voice had lowered two octaves, making the ‘soon’ almost a growl.

Despite his bitterness over Danny’s message just a few moments back, he had a hard time holding back his smile. Saturday would be their 2^nd anniversary and he knew Jordan had something very special planned. Something that involved renting a car... How? Well- accidentally walking into a telephone conversation and not leaving wasn’t really eavesdropping. Eric’s smile just got bigger at the memory.

The next thought, however, wiped off his smile just as quickly as it had appeared. He knew about the special plans, he knew Jordan would probably propose; he just wasn’t sure what he would do. Of course, Eric knew what he wanted, he wanted to accept. Hell, he wanted to be the one proposing, possibly down on one knee; he wanted to move in with Jordan at the first chance he got, marry him and start a family; he knew he was ready… they were ready.

But, Eric had Paul to think about. How was he even going to bring the topic up with Paul? How was he supposed to tell him that he wanted to move in with his boyfriend? If only Paul wasn’t such a homophobic asshole. If only he were a little more understanding, a little more accepting. All of them could have lived together. They could move to a better place, maybe even a house. But with Paul, it was an impossible dream to even imagine his acceptance. And, Eric knew that Paul would not take the news nicely that he wanted to move out of their apartment and into Jordan’s. What sort of relationship would Eric be promising Jordan, if he couldn’t even live with him after 2 long years of ‘love’?

Paul, Paul, Paul!!

It was times like these when Eric hated the very existence of Paul. The other times…

'Rrrring- rrrring', the phone brought him back.

“Hello.”

“Eric?” Jordan’s voice was tentative.

“Hey babe, just got your message. Was about to call you,” the smile was back.

“Just got the message? Did you just wake up? It’s almost noon.”

“Yup. When I got in last night, I had a terrible headache. Thankfully that’s gone now. I just needed some extra sleep. The last couple of days were hectic.”

“Oh poor darling! You could’ve come straight to my place.”

“You know I couldn’t. It was already late, besides Paul could’ve…”

“Yes, Paul! I know, let’s not go there.”

“So, Saturday… What are your plans?”

“Haven’t made any, yet. There’s this incredible guy, with whom I planned to spend the entire day. I cleared my schedule, just hoping his schedule is clear as well.”

“Incredible guy, huh?” Eric sat down on the couch, relaxed and smiling.

“Uh-huh, and considerate too! We’re supposed to be spending the whole day together, so he asked me to plan something for the day, while he planned something really special for the evening, for just the two of us, so--” Jordan was cut off by Eric’s chuckle. “What? He is a great guy. If you knew him like I do, you would’ve said the same thing.”

“Mmhmm, so what plans does this guy have for you?”

“No idea, none at all. And even if I did, you’re the last person I’d tell. I just know he’s promised me a wonderful time.”

“Wow, you’re smitten. So, there’s no chance that I could sweep you off your feet then? What if I raised the bar?”

“Shocking Eric! How easily you suggest me dumping my boyfriend!”

“Sure, I get to have you to myself! Besides, you know I’m a prime catch!”

“Uh-oh, I have customers already babe, got to go now. Talk to you soon?”

“Hmm, sure. Go work, I’ll call you when I get my mobile. If I don’t get a chance, I’ll see you in two days.”

“Don’t be late on Saturday, 11.00 sharp!”

“I’ll be there sweetheart, see you soon.”

“See you.”

The conversation with Jordan left Eric in a happy mood, he was humming to himself while cleaning, when Paul decided to pop back in.

“Hey Eric. You sound happy.” Paul didn’t sound too happy about that.

“I am, well kind of. Why do you sound grumpy?”

Paul shrugged nonchalantly, “Meh!

“Having a rough time lately. Anyway, my friends want to go to a concert on Saturday. You might like it too. Want to come? I’d have my own ride then.”

“Friends?” Eric raised an eyebrow.

“Well, yes, you know most of them. Kyle, Jenna, Danny---”

Danny, the homophobic creep and Jenna, Paul’s latest toy. The prize that rode on his bike. Suppressing the shudder, Eric shook his head.

“Danny? Oh, speaking of whom, he left a message on the machine, and I’m going to have to decline your offer. If you need a ride you have to ask one of your lovely friends, I’m sure they’d be happy to help. Also, I’ll be out the whole day Saturday, just try not to trash the house every time you decide to have a party.”

“Fuck you. You could make an effort to like my friends.”

“So could you! But, it’s not about you this time. It’s our anniversary on Saturday, so I might be late getting home.” Eric was losing his temper, and fast.

“Anniversary? Huh! You’ve been with that fag for so long? You plan to suck face? Or wait.. Maybe something else…”

“Paul!”

“Fuck off!” Paul finished his oh so eloquent speech with a punch to the nearest wall.

Even Eric winced in pain as Paul left without another word.

“Wow Jordy, how on earth did you manage this?” Eric couldn’t believe his eyes when he entered the gallery.

“When you want something bad enough, babe, you find a way.” Jordan’s eyes were sparkling and Eric could see just how hard Jordan must have had to work, how many strings he had had to pull to get an invitation to a private viewing to the Van Gogh exhibit.

“Remember the last time we’d tried to catch the Van Gogh exhibit in the local museum? 5 paintings were all they could manage and it was so crowded that we didn’t even get a chance to admire them…” Eric trailed off, spotting ‘Irises’ he moved closer. It has always been his favourite, this was the first time he was seeing it real life. Tears sprang to his eyes and he squeezed Jordan’s hand.

“I remember how sad you were when you didn’t get to look at his work the last time. Besides, it was just a happy coincidence that this exhibition is now. I didn’t have to work very hard. You’re easy to please.” Jordan’s voice was light, Eric could see that he was trying to lighten the mood; that he didn’t want Eric to cry, even in happiness.

When Eric turned to thank Jordan, he could see the love shining in his eyes and he just couldn’t help himself, at that moment, neither did he want to. He grabbed Jordan in a tight hug, his tears falling freely now.

“You have no idea what this means to me. I know it wasn’t easy --- all of this. This day couldn’t have gone any better. Thank you… Thank you!!” Pulling back, Eric kissed Jordan softly, tenderly on the lips. “God, how I love you!”

Jordan looked surprised at both the kiss and at the words coming from Eric. Sure, he’d heard it before, but Eric wasn’t the type to pledge love at small things, neither had he ever, not once, kissed Jordan in public. Jordan could count the number of times Eric had said ‘I love you’ with the fingers in one hand, so that was really unexpected, as was the kiss.

Seeing Jordan’s expression, Eric leaned forward and kissed him again, this time taking it a little further that the previous peck on the lips. It didn’t take long for Jordan to respond and kiss him back. When he pulled back, he realised where they were, and that the kiss had caused his heart to beat faster, pumping blood into regions they didn’t particularly want just then. Both of them blushed and fidgeted uncomfortably realizing they were in a public gallery and they were making their own display. Pretending not to notice the stares of the other people, they moved on to the next painting, hand in hand. Eric was seriously giving a thought to getting down on one knee, to try and secure this amazing man for himself, forever.

Paul was pissed at Eric for having ruined his Saturday evening. He didn’t even try to play nice and try to reach an understanding about the car. All he wanted right then was to hurt Eric for taking away precious time and experiences from his life. There were several things he couldn’t do still, without Eric’s help, and he hated it! He wanted more independence. The way their lives were intertwined, he knew would be very tough, almost next to impossible to be free of Eric. The one good thing about Eric was that he was a good person. Paul knew that Eric loved him and he would not purposefully make Paul’s life harder, although the same thing couldn’t be said about him.

On Sunday, as soon as Paul saw the thin silver band on Eric’s hand, he couldn’t make sense of the uncontrollable rage that seemed to overwhelm him. All he wanted to do was yank that ring off Eric’s hand and smash it to bits, destroy it, ruin it somehow; he felt like he was being discarded like trash, he felt humiliated and betrayed.

He needed to get away, from the soft aura that seemed to be around Eric somehow, all of a sudden. It wasn’t like there was a change in Eric’s behaviour, but to him, the acceptance of Jordan’s proposal felt like the end of Paul’s world.

Picking up the phone, he called Jenna.

“Hey Paul, you’re up early.” Oh, she knew him too well.

“Ya, look, I’m kind of wound up, can we do something? Want to go for a ride?”

“Now? It’s barely 10.00. Where would you go at this hour?”

“Never mind then, what about I just come over? I’d like to get away from Eric just now.”

“Eric? What did he do now?”

Despite the group’s collective hatred, Jenna actually managed to like Eric somehow. More often than not, it helped Paul defend his decision to live with a ‘fag’. Not everyone could understand the dynamics of Paul and Eric. However, this time her attitude grated at him, he needed someone to agree to hate Eric as he hated him now!

“Who are you dating, me or the fag?” He snapped.

“Whoa! Slow down Paul! You can swing by, I was just trying to help. Obviously it’s something huge, otherwise that’s one word you never use for Eric!”

“Well, he IS one, and he’s behaving like one now. I just can’t stand it. I’m coming over. I need to get away, and right NOW.”

“Sure baby. Is he home?”

“Don’t care! See you soon.”

Grabbing his jacket, he stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

From spending a couple of hours with Jenna, the day easily turned to a full-fledged party day with his buddies; overdosing on bikes, babes and booze. By the time 11pm rolled around, everyone was wiped. No one even knew which way was up anymore. Thankfully Paul had a high tolerance for alcohol. He also valued his life a bit too much to drink and get into an accident, just to end it prematurely. Paul knew Eric would be pissed at him, as he was supposed to be home hours ago; he decided to walk home. Paul never spent nights at anyone else’s house like Eric, who never spent nights away from their apartment, not even at Jordan’s. The cold January air cleared his head somewhat, in the 20 minute walk. Reaching the building, Paul fumbled with his keys, trying to find the right one for the front door. He cursed the dark walkway for the thousandth time as he found it hard to fit the right one in the lock. His foot touched something, rather someone. Thinking it was a squatter, Paul nudged the figure sitting on the floor just beside the main door, hunched over his own knees.

“Hei, wha dya wan?” Paul slurred. He thought his head was clearer, obviously his mind didn’t think so. Seeing no response, he just poked the man harder on his side.

“Ooof, hey watch it!” He jerked as he stood up, albeit groggily. He looked sleepy as he rubbed his side where Paul had poked him.

“Who’re you? Why’re you…um… here?” The man didn’t look like the homeless looking for a place to sleep for the night, he wore a warm coat and had on a cap and gloves. It looked like he was looking for someone. The man didn’t answer, so Paul tried again. “Waiting for someone?”

“Umm… Paul?” The guy took a step towards him.

“Huh?...how?... What the fuck?” Paul staggered back in surprise. He almost tripped on the stairs behind him, but the guy’s hand shot out to help him regain his balance. Paul jerked his hand away from his grip as if it burned him.

“Hey, easy! I’m not going to hurt you.” He held up both his hands in front of him. “I’m just looking for Eric. He was supposed to meet me for lunch, I got worried when he didn’t call and I left like a dozen messages. He didn’t even answer his phone and obviously he’s not at home. I rang the buzzer. So I decided to wait and see if he’s okay.”

Paul couldn’t speak, what was he supposed to say? The faint light from the hall fell on his face and Paul could clearly see the all too familiar face, the green eyes looking inquisitively at him. He even thought he could see concern. Paul’s stomach clenched and he almost doubled over in the sudden urge to retch.

“Hey, Paul, You okay? Need help?”

“Jordan?” Paul’s voice was no louder than a harsh whisper.

That seemed to surprise Jordan.

“Oh, hadn’t you recognised me already? I mean, here I was talking to you as if you already knew who I was. I’m sorry, we’ve never been formally introduced. Eric has told me so much about you, besides it’s not hard with the resemblance. It’s nice to finally meet you.” Jordan held out his hand with a smile.

Paul flinched, “Don’t touch me you pervert!”

“Huh!?”

“I said --- Get away from me you filthy cocksucker!” The expletive was emphasised with a hard shove to Jordan’s chest. Jordan was too stunned to react. Besides, this was Paul, How could Jordan hurt Paul?

“How dare you come here? This is our house, you should have waited for him to fucking call you. Maybe even held your breath, I’d have one less fag to worry about then.” By the time Jordan saw the fist, it was too close. Paul’s fist made contact with the bridge of his nose.

“Whad? Wed…wed… Sdop!!” Jordan was holding his bleeding nose. Taking a step back, he tried to get his handkerchief out of his pocket.

Paul’s elbow shot out like lightning and caught Jordan’s jaw.

“You fucking faggot. Homos. Deserve. To. Die. Die. Die!!! Go. Rot. In. A. Gutter. Somewhere, anywhere.” Paul’s colourful sentence was punctuated at every word with one of his fist or knee making painful contact with Jordan’s slim frame. Paul never appreciated taking martial arts lessons more. Jordan was not even in a state to cry out in pain anymore. Moving quickly behind him, Paul held Jordan in a chokehold. With the beating he’d taken, it didn’t take long for Jordan to go limp in Paul’s grip.

“Don’t you dare pass out on me, you fucking fairy! Can’t even fight back, worthless piece of shit!” Paul spoke loudly in Jordan’s ear. Suddenly releasing the hold, Paul swept his foot, knocking out Jordan’s legs from under him, effectively dumping him on the concrete floor. As soon as Jordan turned over to try and get up, Paul aimed and with the toe of his boots, kicked him hard in the kidney.

With a last grunt, Jordan gave up trying to put up even a token resistance. He knew he stood no chance against Paul. Jordan wasn’t trained in self-defence. With a low, “Eric,” he blissfully lost consciousness.

A few minutes later, a tired, dishevelled Eric made his way to the front door of his building. As soon as he caught sight of the figure on the ground, he rushed forward, his heart thudding loudly in his chest as he caught sight of a very familiar blue coat. Turning him over, Eric nearly dropped Jordan again as he saw the state he was in. The front of his shirt was soaked in blood from the bloody nose, the jaw had started bruising already. What made him even more paranoid was that Jordan didn’t even twitch.

“Jordy! Baby?” Eric’s voice broke as tears flowed unrestrained from his eyes. They ran down his cheeks, dropping on Jordan’s motionless body. “Open your eyes babe, it’s me, Eric.”

“Jordy…” He called again, trying to hold Jordan with one hand and try to feel for broken bones with the other hand. As he was checking the nose, Jordan moaned. “Thank you God! Jordy, baby, open your eyes. Can you hear me? Please babe, open your eyes. Look at me. Jordy?” His relief washed over him in huge wrecking sobs.

“Eric…” Jordan’s voice was barely audible.

“Oh, you’re okay. You scared me, so much!” Eric buried his head in Jordan’s neck and took huge breaths, trying to get his sobbing under control. He could feel Jordan trying to clutch his sides.

“Eric…” Jordan’s voice made Eric look up. He saw a faint smile cross Jordan’s bloody lip; his hands clutching at Eric’s hand.

“Babe, we need to get you to a hospital, let me go, I have to call the police. Do you know who it was? Who did this to you babe?” Eric tried to free his hand.

Jordan opened his eyes and Eric couldn’t keep help but smile as he saw the green eyes focus on him.

“Hey beautiful. You had me panicking. Let’s get you all better. Huh?” Eric was puzzled when Jordan shook his head ‘no’. He saw Jordan’s lips open as he tried to say something. He leaned down to place his ear close to Jordan’s lips to try to hear what he had to say.

“Paul.”

The single word shocked him into stunned silence, Eric went rigid, automatically gripping Jordan tighter. Jordan winced and grunted out in pain.

Immediately Eric’s body went into an overdrive. Gathering up Jordan’s battered and bruised body, he carried him inside the building, up to his apartment. Gently laying Jordan down on his bed, he whispered, “Sorry Jordy, I’m so sorry! I’m going to take care of you sweetheart. You just lay back. I know you hurt, I wish there was something I could do to make this better, but…” he stopped when he felt Jordan squeezing his hand.

“Stop! It’s not your fault, you didn’t beat me up.”

Eric had to squeeze his eyes at that. How could he not apologise? Paul did this.

“Okay then, lean up baby, no more talking. Just let me get these clothes off; let’s see how bad it is and if I can do anything about it.”

Eric could see how much each movement was hurting him; he was biting his lip to keep from crying out loud at Jordan’s pain. After he helped Jordan remove his shirt, his eyes tearing up looking at the bruises, he moved to remove Jordan’s jeans. Holding his waist up with one hand Eric pulled the pants down, he thought he heard his name being called.

Dumping the clothes on the chair, he moved closer to Jordan. “Hmm?”

“Always finding excuses to undress me, Eric?” Jordan breathed, a slight smile on his face.

That brought a smile to Eric’s face as well. “Can’t help it! Now, this might hurt a little. I need to check whether any bones are broken, okay?”

Nodding his consent, Jordan closed his eyes. As gently as he could, Eric ran his hands on either side of Jordan and across his back, thanking his high school coach mentally for the mandatory first aid classes for the athletes, he tried to gauge the damage caused to Jordan. The purple patches were starting to form and it looked like Jordan’s whole body would turn into one huge bruise.

Eric went to the bathroom and wet a washcloth in warm water. Grabbing the painkillers from the drawer in the kitchen where he’d hidden them, he also got the ice pack out and headed to take care of his Jordan. Gently cleaning the blood from his face with the washcloth, Eric was at a loss of where he should apply the icepack. He finally applied it on Jordan’s bruised jaw, gently rubbing Arnica on the rest of the bruises on his body. His feather light kisses seemed to get some reaction from Jordan, who was drifting in and out of sleep. When Eric moved to cover him up with his blanket, Jordan moaned again. Eric quickly handed him the painkillers, and sat beside him; running his fingers through Jordan’s long hair.

“Sleep now baby, I’m right here.” Eric watched as Jordan’s breathing relaxed and fell into a regular pattern. Eric gently kissed his forehead and covered him up softly with a sheet. Turning up the heat in his room, Eric quietly stepped out to the living room, gently closing the door behind him, to wait for Paul.

What Paul had done was unacceptable, and although Eric had made concessions and considerations for Paul’s behaviour, this time Paul had taken it one step too far.

“Eric,” Paul said nonchalantly, plopping down on the couch.

“What the fuck were you thinking? How dare you touch Jordan? You know very well who he is, don’t even try to tell me you didn’t know who he was. How could you?” Eric was seething; he had to try really hard to not wake the sleeping Jordan.

“How could I?” Paul wasn’t so restrained, his voice was on the rise. “You are the one who jeopardised our lives, you’re the one that brought IT here. What do you mean how could I? He said he knew about me. What did you tell him?” Paul narrowed his eyes and continued his tirade.

“You were the one that’s trying to change everything, you’re planning to move out, to live with HIM, and you even started planning your family. You didn’t even pause to think about me. What about me? Huh Eric? What brilliant plans do you have for my life?”

“Lower your voice Paul, Jordan’s sleeping!” Eric stood up and automatically moved in front of the bedroom door, as if to shield Jordan with his body.

“Jordan? Here? WHAT? In our apartment? That fucking piece of shit couldn’t even block a single blow I dealt. And here you stand, the great Eric, selfish, ungrateful bastard, taking that loser’s side.”

“Careful Paul!”

“Or what? You know, it’s all Jordan’s fault really. He’s the one who’s causing this huge change, he’s the one you’re moving out for. My god Eric, what does he have that you’re so ready to leave me in the pits and go build a new life?” Paul started pacing to and fro from the kitchen island to the living room.

“I love him Paul. And, don’t ever say that it was his fault. It is all your fault. You’re the one that’s delusional.”

“You know, I’ve never met anyone as selfish as you, you think of no one else. Not even me. When have you ever considered for someone else, me?”

“You really want to know? Okay then. For the past 2 years I’ve wanted to move in with Jordy. I’ve had to tear myself away from his arms every night just so that I could come back. This place has stopped being ‘home’ a long time back. You know the saying ‘Home is where the heart is’, Paul? My heart has belonged to Jordy for quite some time now. Still, I put up living away from him, for YOU!

“We could have lived together, all three of us. Just because you’re too much of an ass to let go of your prejudice against us, we can’t be civil and talk sensibly. How do you even think about blaming Jordy, when you went and beat him up just because he is gay and just because you can?”

“Jordy, Jordy, Jordy!! That’s all you can talk about? That’s all you can think about? Huh?”

“You know, it’s fucking hilarious! Here I am, putting my life and happiness on hold for you and here you stand, calling me the selfish one!” Eric shouted; the last of his patience leaving him. Taking a deep breath to try and control his overflowing rage, he lowered his voice, “Want to know what I have wanted to do? What I have put on hold just for you?”

“Not really, you’re just going to go ‘Jordy, Jordy, Jordy’ again.”

“Want it or not, this time I am going to tell you and you are going to listen. I’ve wanted to get down on one knee and propose to him for more than a year now, wanted a family. We’d sat and planned our future together; so many times, but every time, every-fucking-time it was me who backed out, like a fucking coward! Because I didn’t think it would be fair to YOU! All this time… Just for you; hoping, all this time. So, don’t you dare call me selfish you ungrateful piece of shit! Don’t tell me I haven’t thought about you!”

“And? And what? Now that it’s come down to a choice, you pick him! Huh! Some sacrifice!”

“Don’t mock me Paul!”

“What’re you going to do? Because I am NOT going to change and I will not have you abandoning me.”

“Don’t tempt me!” Eric smirked.

“What? You’re ready to abandon me for THAT?” Paul’s eyes grew larger as the implication slowly sank in. He was trembling slightly as he turned to the kitchen. He grabbed a knife from the counter and swiftly moved towards the bed room. “What will you abandon me for when you don’t have ‘Jordy’ anymore?”

If Eric was any slower than he was, he’d probably have been too late to save Jordan; however, he stopped Paul right in time. Wrenching the knife away, Eric decided that he’d had enough. His voice took on a steely edge.

“Abandon you? Oh no! There’s no way I’d do that. Who knows what you’d do if I let you roam free on the streets.”

That brought a faint smile of hope to Paul’s lips.

“But, I can make sure you never see the light of day again.”

“You wouldn’t!”

“Wouldn’t I?” Eric cocked an eyebrow. “You make my life a living hell; you nearly took away my sole purpose for existence, twice! Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t.”

“You… you need me!”

“See, even you don’t believe that!” Eric’s laughter made Paul shudder and shrink back. He’s never seen this side of Eric before; in all honesty, he was terrified, and it showed.

“I may have needed you sometime, Paul; sometime long ago. When I had no one, but see, now I have someone, someone who really loves me, I have Jordy. I don’t need you anymore, not really! All these years I’ve hoped that you’d change back and we’d be like we were as kids. But it’s that hope that has imprisoned me. All you do is make my life difficult, when you should be helping me make it easier. My life would be so much better without you in it! So…” The coldness in Eric’s voice tore through Paul’s façade. His bravado was crumbling, he knew he couldn’t fight this battle with Eric and win. Eric had always been the stronger one; he could do what he threatened and more.

“Don’t, Eric!” Paul’s voice was barely audible.

“I think it’s time to bid ‘Adieu’ Paul, your purpose in my life is over anyway. I do not NEED you, I do not WANT you. I just want you to go back to the corner you belong, and NEVER RETURN! This life is OVER!” Eric finished with determination in his voice. “Godspeed Paul.”

Eric sat quietly on the sofa for a long time; staring blankly at his hands as if awakening from a dream. He rubbed his temples trying to find Paul in the crevices of the deepest recesses in his mind. He’d meant what he said; he did not want or need Paul anymore. He had his future to plan with Jordy, and this time, even live it! With a sigh, he got up from the sofa and headed towards the bedroom.

The spark in his eyes when he realised that Paul wasn’t coming back, reflected his freedom to lead his life as he wanted to, to not have to make any adjustments for Paul again. Finally, free of Paul, free of his prison of hope, he smiled as he took a deep breath and stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom. One by one Eric removed Paul’s hoops and studs from his ears and eyebrow. Flushing the last vestiges of Paul down the toilet, he walked back to the bedroom, to Jordan.

The sight that greeted him was a smiling face with sparkling green eyes, making his smile grow wider,

“Jordy!”

Story Discussion