A Lens That's Black and White - 7. Chapter 7 - Eli

Chapter 7 – Eli

The day started off like any other, aside from the nervousness I was feeling in having to see Viz and Jake at school. When I walked into school that day, I felt like everyone's eyes were on me, like they knew what I'd done with Viz the day before. Of course, it was just paranoia, no one was really looking at me. But the pit in my stomach didn't go away.

After first period, Jake stopped me in the hallway and pulled me aside. I looked around nervously, wondering what he wanted. “We need to talk,” Jake said. I looked up at him and could almost feel all the unspoken words we had, things hanging in the air between us.

“We can't talk now. Not here,” I said quietly and looked around again. I didn't want to look in his eyes and see whatever emotions he was feeling, that would just complicate things more.

“I know. Come to my house after school, okay? Please,” he muttered.

“Alright,” I agreed. He tried to meet my eyes but I kept my gaze cast down at my feet and he finally gave up. Jake walked away and I was left in the semi-empty hallway. I stood there for a second, wondering if this would turn into another fight. I finally forced myself to walk to second period.

Jake was nowhere to be found again at lunch and I wondered if he was avoiding Viz. Or still me. Viz was sitting at his half empty table in a corner of the cafeteria but I didn't invite him over. I didn't know if I would give anything away by the way I looked at Viz because after kissing him, all I wanted was to do it again. And again, and again. And maybe with less clothes. You know what, who needs clothes? Kissing him naked, now that would be much better.

God, Viz had been distracting me all day. When I saw him in Creative Writing, I'd stopped mid-stride and this kid ran into me and got really annoyed. Then, in every class all I could think about was the feel of his lips on mine, his body pressed close. His smell.

I realized that Mike was talking to me and blushed. I cleared my throat and said, “Oh, um yeah, I know what you mean, man.” I had no idea what he'd just said to me but that response worked well enough.

I walked into Foods later that day and my eyes went straight to Jake. He was looking at me with what looked like longing in his eyes and I had to look away. I sat at our table and looked at our instructor who was now telling us that we'd be making funnel cake. The class got pretty excited at that but I couldn't even concentrate because there was Jake, sitting right beside me and tapping his fingers on the desk obsessively.

It was a long and slightly awkward period but we managed to make a nice-looking funnel cake. Jake told me to take it home because he knew how my mom loved funnel cakes. That's when I realized how stupid this was. I'd known Jake since elementary school. What the hell were we doing, letting mixed feelings get in the way of our friendship?

At the end of the day, I hopped in the back seat of Tabby's car and told her to drop me off at Jake's before she drove home. I wondered how Josh always got here before I did and took the front seat but I didn't care enough to say anything. “Are you finally kissing and making up already?” Josh joked. I knew he was joking but the fact that Josh was close the the truth irked me.

“Fuck you, Josh,” I said seriously.

“God, chill, man. I'm joking,” he said, looking back at me with curious eyes, probably wondering why I was being so serious about it. I looked out the window and ignored the fact that he was still looking at me. Finally, he turned back around.

We pulled up to Jake's house and I hopped out of the car and yelled a goodbye to my siblings. I rang the doorbell and waited on his porch, my hands stuffed in my pockets. He opened the door and stood there for a moment before letting me in. “Let's go up to my room,” he suggested with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. I followed him upstairs and into his room and he closed the door behind him.

“Look, I'm sorry,” Jake started.

“You don't have to apologize,” I said gently.

“I do. I can't force you to like me. And it wasn't fair of me to expect you to choose.” I sat on his bed and stayed silent. I couldn't exactly argue with that.

“I'm sorry too. I never meant to hurt you,” I whispered.

He sat down next to me on the edge of his bed. “I know.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “I love you, Eli. Like a brother. I mean, it's more than that, obviously, but I'm trying to put my feelings aside here. I want to see you happy. So...I think you should be with Viz.” I looked at him, staring into brown eyes that were filled with too many emotions to name. “It's not going to be easy, but I'm working on moving on, okay? I just can't lose you as a friend.”

“So you'd be okay with me being with him?” I whispered.

He swallowed audibly. “Yes. Okay, that didn't sound very convincing. But, really, I'm okay with it. Or I will be. I'm trying to be,” he said.

“I wish it was different,” I said weakly.

“But it's not. And that's okay. So, are we friends?”

“Of course,” I assured him. Jake looked about close to tears. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and I hugged him back. We were okay again. Things were going back how they were supposed to be. Of course I knew it wouldn't be the same but I just wanted better, not perfect. Better was good for now, even if we still had things that needed to be worked out. I pulled away and then thought of something. “Are you out to your parents?” I asked curiously.

He smiled at me. “Yeah,” he admitted. “I've been out since ninth grade. My dad freaked out at first but he's better about it now. He doesn't like it, but he tolerates it. My mom got used to it a little faster.”

I looked down. I couldn't imagine my mom knowing. I didn't know how she'd react. Hopefully she'd take it well, like Tabby had. Hopefully. “I don't think I'll come out for a long time,” I whispered.

“Everyone's ready at different times,” Jake said. I nodded and then suddenly cleared my throat and stood up. I'd almost forgotten that I had to get to Viz's. “Going somewhere?” Jake asked, smirking.

“Oh, um...” I trailed off.

“It's okay to tell me you're going to Viz's. I get it,” Jake smiled. He rolled his eyes playfully then said, “I'll drive you.”

“You don't have to,” I protested halfheartedly.

Jake took a deep breath, preparing himself. “I need to do this. It's almost like closure,” he mumbled. I didn't protest anymore, just gave him the address, which he plugged into his GPS and let him drive me to Viz's house. When we drove into Viz's neighborhood, Jake looked around quietly, looking almost shocked. We pulled up to the estate. “He lives here?” Jake asked incredulously.

“That's what I said,” I chuckled. “It's a nice house, huh?”

“Nice is an understatement,” Jake laughed. “Don't have too much fun.” He winked and I smiled.

The old Jake that I knew was finally coming back. I rang the doorbell and when Viz opened the door, I could help but smile down at him. He was so damn cute. I kissed him on the cheek and whispered, “Hey.” I heard Jake's car pulling away and almost felt guilty for doing that where he could probably see us. But then Viz led me inside and thoughts of Jake left my mind.

An hour and a half later, I found myself laying on Viz's bed with him sitting on top of me. He leaned down and put his lips on mine. I welcomed the kiss, pulling him toward me. He broke the kiss and leaned down to kiss my neck. I shivered with pleasure. Did he know what he was doing to me right now?

I lifted his chin and kissed him again, more passionately, and let my hands wander down Viz's to his ass and give in a little squeeze. He gave the sexiest grunt I've ever heard in my life and my hands slid up his shirt. I wanted it off. I wanted all his clothes off, really. He lifted his arms up and I pulled his shirt off and threw it across the room. His skin was pale and he was skinny, as I suspected, but not sickly skinny, just like he was built small.

He started rubbing his hands over my chest and I quickly took my shirt off. He ran his hands over my exposed skin, playing with my nipples a little before leaning down and kissing one. He started sucking on it and when he started sucking the other one, I moaned involuntarily.

I wanted Viz. I wanted every part of him. I wanted to unbutton his pants and relieve the erection that I could feel pressing against me through his pants. I wanted to have sex with him more than I'd ever wanted to have sex with anyone in my life. I wanted to lick him and touch him and rub him everywhere I could and do every sexual thing I could think of to him.

When his hand trailed down and rubbed my throbbing hard-on, I let out a moan and closed my eyes. I wanted so badly to let him keep going but I couldn't. We weren't ready for it. Or at least he wasn't. I grabbed his wrist and said, “Don't start something you can't finish.” I smiled at him and then pulled him close and kissed him again. Kissing was enough for now.

I heard a slight gasp and the way Viz jumped off me, you'd think I'd shocked him. His mom stood there in his doorway, horror written clearly on her face. But, who could blame her? She'd just caught her son half naked straddling a guy and making out with him. “What are you doing home, Mom?” Viz asked, for a lack of something else to say.

She turned around and nearly ran out of the room. Her footsteps echoed through the big house as she quickly went down the stairs. I heard her car start and pull out of the estate and looked over at Viz. He looked stunned and distraught. “Are you okay?” I whispered. I'm pretty sure I was completely soft now. After having his mom see us like that, I didn't see how I could keep an erection.

“Yeah,” he said but his voice broke and I knew he was lying.

“I'm sorry your mom had to find out that way,” I told him. He looked up at me, tears welling in his green eyes. I ran my fingers over his cheek, wishing I could take all the pain in his face away.

“I think she hates me even more than she did before,” He said quietly.

“She doesn't hate you, Viz,” I protested.

“Don't be so sure,” Viz replied, looking away. A tear fell down his face and I reached out and wiped it away. “Maybe you should go,” Viz said quietly. I tried not to feel too hurt. He probably needed to be alone right now. I just wanted to hold him and tell him that everything would be okay. But he didn't need me.

“Okay,” I said weakly, my voice breaking slightly. He looked at me and I looked away.

“I...” he started. “I just need to be alone. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't worry about me, okay?” I nodded and met his gaze. He looked so sad. Did he really believe that his mom hated him? I was sure that wasn't true. I wrapped my arms around Viz's naked torso and hugged him tightly. He hugged me back and buried his face in my neck for a few blissful seconds before pulling away.

I stood up and pulled my shirt back on and left because if Viz needed to be alone, I wouldn't stop him. But I couldn't help but worry about him.

The car was silent as Jake drove his way out of Viz's neighborhood. I was nowhere near the mood I'd been in an hour and a half before when he was driving me to Viz's. All I could think was that Viz had just been involuntarily outed to his mom, the only parent he had left, and had no idea what she would do or say. I couldn't even imagine what my own mother would think. What if Viz's mom disowned him or something? He seemed to believe she hated him already.

“Okay, what's wrong?” Jake said suddenly, his words breaking the condensed silence.

I sighed and turned to look out the passenger seat window before I spoke. “Viz's mom walked in on us making out half naked and she basically ran out and drove off.” It didn't occur to me that maybe I shouldn't have told him what we were doing until I looked over and saw him squeeze his eyes shut for a split second before composing himself.

“God, that's got to be one of the worst ways to be outed,” Jake put in halfheartedly. His knuckles were white from the way he gripped the wheel.

“Sorry,” I sighed. “I guess you don't really care.”

“No,” he quickly protested. “No, it's just...I'm just being an idiot. I know you make out with your boyfriend. And it's dumb to be jealous. Sorry, I'm trying. I am.”

“I know.”

“I do care, by the way. I can tell your worried. Look, all parents need time to adjust to the idea that their son likes other boys. It can be hard. I don't know her, but I'm sure his mom will come around,” Jake said after a few minutes of silence.

“Yeah, I hope so,” I replied.

“You know, you could tell your mom. It's better she finds out from you.”

“Who else would she find out from?”

“Viz's mom,” Jake said. I turned to look at him. I hadn't thought of the possibility of Viz's mom calling my mom. “Hello, Mrs. Cole? I'm good, and you? My day was great. Oh, by the way, you're son is gay and dating my son.” I shivered slightly, imagining the conversation.

“I didn't think of that,” I admitted. “But I just don't think I can tell her.”

“I get it. One day, you'll have to, though.”

“I know,” I sighed. One day I'd have to. Hopefully one day didn't come too soon.

By the time I got home, the sun was setting and my mom was in the kitchen preparing dinner. I stood in the kitchen doorway for a moment, watching her chop vegetables with her 'Mom' apron on and wondering what she would think if she knew. Viz was so sure that his mom would hate him but thinking about what my mom would think gave me a headache. I was her oldest son, athletic and all-American. If she knew I was gay...well, I think she'd be shocked. After that, who knows.

“She'd be okay with it you know,” Tabby whispered. I turned around, startled.

“You think so?” I asked after a few moments of consideration. My mom had never been one to discriminate on anyone, including gays. But I wasn't sure how she'd react to her own hockey playing, straight A student son being gay.

“Yeah, I think so,” Tabby assured me, giving my shoulder a little squeeze.