The Funny Thing Is - 23. ... Forever Is Never That Easy (Part 1)

… Forever is Never that Easy

From the moment we're born, we think about forever. We spend countless hours wondering what we want to do for the rest of our lives, who we want to spend it with. The idea of forever is one that fills our minds at an early age and stays there... forever. And as I neared the place that could comfortably be my forever, I realized that forever rarely ever comes without a price.

“What do you mean he’s disappeared?”

“I mean they went into his room at the clinic, he wasn’t there, and then they called me to see if I knew anything.”

“Chase.”

“I’ve been with you and Ceej all night, gamin. I don’t know anything.”

“I know. I know. But… he just up and left? That place was like a fortress. How’d he get out?”

As I asked the question, Chase sat up, pulled the chord on the lamp on his side of the bed and looked at me. I sat up facing him, resting my hand on his drawn knee.

“I have no clue,” he replied simply. I wondered why the news of Morgan’s disappearance didn’t rattle him any more than it did. How could he sit there calmly, knowing the guy he’d spent the better part of twenty years with, was out and missing.

“What are you going to do?”

“I was going to go to sleep if you’ll stop asking me questions,” he replied sarcastically. I looked into his eyes, trying to read whether or not he was concealing his feelings or if he simply didn’t care.

“Chase,” I said slowly. I heard the words leave my mouth before my brain managed to register them. They were auto pilot words. The words that a supportive and loving boyfriend is supposed to utter in situations such as these. “You have to go find him.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Chase…”

“Gamin, this isn’t the first stunt like this he’s pulled, and if I go running off to look for him, it won’t be the last.”

“If you don’t go find him, it very well might be the last.”

I was up out of the bed and pulling on the nearest pair of pants. There was no going back; I had decided which camp I was in. I wanted Chase to find Morgan, make sure he was alive and safe, and then return to me without this cloud hanging over us.

“Gamin, get back in bed.”

“How can you just sit there?” I asked. A part of me didn’t think Chase could be that callous, but I was being proven wrong. If it was a stranger, an acquaintance, or even a marginal friend who’d gone missing, I wouldn’t have been so insistent. But it was Morgan. Morgan meant something to Chase, regardless of my chagrin, and it spoke to his character that he could lie there and do nothing.

“You don’t get it.”

“Evidently,” I replied firmly. I lowered my voice to keep myself from reaching a full on yell. “Chase, he’s gone. Get up and find out where he went.”

Chase didn’t budge. Instead, he turned away from me defiantly and pulled the light switch. I heard him crawl back into bed and pull the cover over his head.

“Chase.”

No response.

“Chase, please,” I pleaded, hoping he would prove a better man than he was showing at the moment. And then he replied, chilling me to the core with how nonchalantly he spoke.

“Gamin, if you want to find the guy, you go right ahead.”

It was a side of him I hadn’t ever seen. I tried to imagine my reaction if I got a phone call explaining to me that one of my friends had disappeared in thin air. Sebastian, Kyle, Spencer… if any of them suddenly evaporated from where they should have been, I would have been in instant panic mode.

Maybe Chase really was done with Morgan’s antics. Maybe this wasn’t a new thing; Morgan might have tried this little stunt before. But standing there having to worry for the both of us, it didn’t justify how Chase could be so calm.

And then the underlying thought hit the forefront of my brain. The reason Chase’s announcement that Morgan had disappeared from the clinic really did scare me.

What if he’s coming here?

I didn’t ask it out loud for fear of sounding paranoid. In fact, the second I thought it, I pushed it back where it had come from. I wanted Chase to find Morgan to make sure he was okay, not to make sure he wasn’t after us.

Once I came to terms with the fact that Chase wasn’t getting up, and that my going on a wild goose chase for a crack head wouldn’t solve anything, I took a deep breath in an attempt to even out my breathing. I went out to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of tap water, chugged it down and took in another deep breath. I started to walk back to the bedroom, but before I did, I turned around and walked to the front door. I checked each lock twice, just to be sure, before returning to the room and slipping back into bed.

Sleep didn’t come easily that night. In fact, I don’t think true deep REM ever came at all.

It took every last ounce I had not to get out of the bed and go find Morgan myself. I briefly considered where I’d start, and that led to some dozing off. I slipped into a dreamless sleep, right on the brink. The faintest stir would definitely wake me up.

And it did.

Somewhere right before the sun came out, when I had inadvertently let my worry go long enough to catch a couple z’s, I felt a violent toss beside me. I opened my eyes just in time to see Chase writhe on the bed, turning away from me. He was mumbling something I couldn’t make out and flailing his hands in the opposite direction of where I lay.

“Chase,” I whispered. I grabbed a hold of his shoulder and patted it. “Chase, babe, wake up.”

He mumbled something that sounded like ‘Leave me alone’, but I couldn’t tell. I shook his shoulder harder, and an instant later, he flailed around and shot up.

“Oh fuck,” he whispered, rubbing his eyes. I sat up next to him. I noticed immediately that his eyes were red and his face was covered in a thin layer of sweat. I put my hand on his chest, trying to steady him, only to find that his entire body was drenched.

“It’s okay,” I consoled. “It’s okay.” I repeated it over and over as he tried to catch his breath. I didn’t know what to say or do besides show him that I was there for him.

“I think you were having a nightmare babe,” I said when he asked me what had happened. “Do you remember the dream at all?”

It was stupid to ask the question. I knew why he was having a nightmare. I’d slept with the guy a million times and he had never so much as stirred away from me. And suddenly, the night Morgan disappears, he wakes up in a wading pool of his own sweat? It didn’t take a fucking rocket scientist to know what was going on, and I was best friends with one.

Instead of responding, Chase got up, walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. I put on a robe and grabbed one for him. By the time I made it to the living area of the apartment, he’d turned on the Keurig and was waiting on a cup of coffee.

“I’m sorry I woke you,” he said, his voice steady and even.

“It’s okay,” I replied. “Are you okay?”

“I had a bad dream, gamin,” he responded somewhat coldly. “I think I’ll survive.”

“Chase…”

“I know what you’re going to say,” he cut me off. “And the answer is no. I’m not going to find him.”

“Why not?”

“Why should I? What’ll I do when I find out where he is? Bring him back here? Send him back to rehab so he can escape yet again? Cooper, the guy is a menace. It’s a blessing he’s gone. Let him go.”

Part of me wanted to challenge Chase, but what could I say? I didn’t want the guy back. I didn’t care what happened to Morgan in the long run. I was asking Chase to do something he didn’t want to do for me. It was for my peace of mind that I wanted to know where he’d gone and that he was okay.

“Gamin,” Chase continued, his voice softening. “I’m ready to be with you. Forever. Morgan was the last thing standing in our way, and I don’t give a shit where he went. I checked his account when you were in the shower last night, and it has more than enough money to get him anywhere. Please. Let this go.”

His words sounded sincere, and so I dropped my suit of armor, kissed him softly on the cheek, and went back to bed.

I pretended to be asleep when Chase returned to the bedroom fifteen minutes later. He cuddled up close to me, pulling me into his sticky and clammy body. I didn’t stir an inch.

Our conversation the next morning was strained at best. I tiptoed through coffee and bagels, trying not to say anything that would upset Chase. I could tell he was doing his best to appear normal for me. I had no desire to walk around the issue all morning until Chase had to leave for swim practice, so I made up an excuse to leave the apartment, got dressed, and left.

There were several issues plaguing my mind as I drove my car out of the lot and maneuvered to the highway. First and foremost was how difficult it was for me to communicate to Chase about what was going on. When did we lose that? Why couldn’t I just tell him he was being an asshole, borderline evil, and it scared me?

Speaking of, when did the guy I’d fallen madly in love with develop the ability to scare me? I realized when I pulled into downtown that my fear of what Chase was capable of was a direct product of the fact that we weren’t the same people we were twenty years ago. The Chase I knew back then wouldn’t have hesitated to help a friend in need. This Chase was tired of doing it.

I rolled into the parking lot of Wriggs and Streck and checked my car with the valet. It was Friday and early, and the activity around the office was at a minimum. I was going there with the blind faith that Kyle would be in.

“Hi, Cooper,” his secretary greeted when I rode the elevator up to Kyle’s floor, just one away from the penthouse that cast a shadow over a third of the buildings in downtown Dallas. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been well, Marie. Is Kyle in?”

“He is. He’s actually preparing for a call with--”

Before she could finish her sentence, Kyle opened his door and called out.

“Marie, could you run up to Jason and ask him for the pro bono figures from my sector last quarter. I can’t find my brief anywhere, and I need a hard cop--”

It was right then that he turned the corner and noticed me standing there, looking like an idiot for popping in to a busy law firm unannounced.

“Cooper,” he said, his face carefully controlled to mask his bewilderment at seeing me.

“Hi,” I replied sheepishly. “I um… was just popping in. I know you’re busy, so maybe I’ll come back.”

“No, no way,” he said quickly. He handed Marie a stack of papers. “The pro bono numbers please.” She shot up and waltzed to the elevator. “Come in.”

I followed him into his office and sat across from him at his desk. The desk was remarkably clean. I was used to seeing it stacked with files upon files. Instead, he had his tablet out and his writing stick next to it. I caught a few bullets of notes on the tablet before he pushed it aside.

“How’s the campaign going?” I asked, trying to break the ice.

“Remarkably well. I’m up in every poll they’ve done, both here and in the surrounding counties. So, everyone is hopeful that a single, gay, white male can take the prosecutor’s office.”

“And what does it mean for clients here when you do?”

“Well, I’ve dropped most of my load, so… Winston will waltz right into the partner seat now that I’m not competing. I just… the clients, the corporations, the billing; it gets old.”

I could tell just by that brief answer, tailored for a reporter’s microphone, that he was really excited about doing something new. He had more money than he knew what to do with. The private sector would be there waiting for him when his public service was finished. There had been whispers in college that Jason Wriggs would one day be governor of Texas, but looking at Kyle, perfectly coiffed at eight o’clock on a Friday morning, passionately articulating his move to public service, I couldn’t help but wonder if the whisperers had the wrong brother in the seat.

“If I haven’t said it before, let me say again that I am really proud of you, Kyle.”

“Thanks,” he said with a careful smile. “And what do I owe this visit to?”

He shifted in his seat.

“I know you have a lot on your plate, so I’ll be very quick,” I began.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said. He looked at me closer, in a way only a few people on the planet could do. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” I replied quickly. “Everything is fine, for now.”

He gave me a quizzical look. I took a deep breath.

“Morgan has disappeared,” I said as matter-of-factly as my voice would allow.

“Morgan? Chase’s old guy, Morgan?” Kyle scooted up in his seat and put his elbows on the desk.

“Yes, that Morgan. He’s gone from rehab, and no one has any clue where he went.”

“What is Chase doing? Did he leave? Did he go find him?”

I shook my head.

“No,” I replied. “The opposite. He just went to bed and acted like it wasn’t a big deal that Morgan was missing.”

I saw Kyle’s expression change briefly. He looked at me as if he was slightly confused by what I was saying.

“Cooper, that’s a good thing, though, right? I mean, the guy was trying to come between you and Chase, and now he’s gone.”

Kyle didn’t know the half of it. He knew that Chase had been married, and the guy he’d been married to was a raging drug addict who was being treated out of town and threatening my future with Chase. And even though he didn’t know about the threats, the hotel tackling, the eerie visit, he knew that Morgan’s sudden disappearance was a good thing. But I wasn’t buying it that easily.

“Listen, you have connections, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“And you have access to ways of finding people?”

“Cooper, what are you asking me?”

“Morgan disappearing into thin air isn’t a good thing, Kyle. He’s out there, and it worries me.”

Kyle cocked his head to the side. I pressed on with my explanation.

“What if he’s waiting to make some sort of move? What if he’s gunning for me or my family?”

“Is this guy dangerous?” Kyle asked sincerely.

“As dangerous as anyone with a loose cannon and a vendetta.”

Kyle didn’t answer right away. I could tell he didn’t buy it. I could tell he was reading more into why I had stopped by his office, unannounced, to inquire what he could do about a missing person. He shifted in his seat slowly.

“What’s the real issue here, sir?” Kyle asked. He read it. Somehow he saw it written across my face and understood my paranoia before even I did. And it was only when I could read it on Kyle’s face that I understood why I couldn’t have Chase sit back and relax on this as if Morgan disappearing was no big deal.

“He’ll be back,” I said softly. “I feel it in my gut. A guy like Morgan doesn’t just up and leave and stay gone for good. Either he’ll show up and, I don’t know… fuck things up. Or…”

I trailed off. The alternative was worse. I hadn’t thought about what other possibility lay out there until I was looking Kyle square in the face and forcing myself to face my real fear. Talking to Kyle was like examining myself in a mirror. He had a way of knowing more about me than I sometimes knew about myself. And dating back to when we were together, he wasn’t shy about making me deal with things I could hide from everyone else.

“What if everything is perfect? Chase gets past this? We move on? Everything is going great, and then one day, Chase wakes up and he misses him. If I don’t deal with this now, I will wake up every day wondering if this is the day Chase does what he should have done a long time ago. And he disappears to go find him. Again.”

Saying the words was difficult. I swallowed hard, almost cutting my throat with the lump that had formed. My chest was heavy and my eyes were focused firmly on Kyle’s.

“I don’t think that’ll happen,” Kyle responded.

“But it could.”

That was the end of the conversation and we both knew it. Kyle sat back up, cleared his throat and pulled his tablet out. He flicked around for a second, biting his lower lip. Finally, after a full minute, he looked up at me.

“I, um… have a really important call coming up, but I will make some phone calls this afternoon. I’m assuming you’re acting on your own on this?”

“Chase has no idea I’m here. As far as he’s concerned Morgan is dead and gone.”

Kyle nodded, and cleared his throat again. I stood up, respecting the fact that my very busy friend had a very busy schedule and I had just added to his work load.

I thanked Kyle, gave him a quick hug, and retreated to the door.

“Cooper,” he called just before I made my exit. “What exactly do you want to do when you find this guy?”

The question had gone in and out of my head a hundred times since last night, and I had avoided thinking about it until that moment. Hearing it out loud forced me to consider my options, of which I felt like I only had a couple.

I could threaten him enough to keep him away forever. I could give him money, an exit strategy, and the chance to start his life all over again.

Or I could do what my guy told me and end it forever.

“I just want to know that my family and my relationship are safe, Kyle,” I answered honestly. I opened the door, left the plush office, and shut the door behind me.

I couldn’t focus on any one single thing all day. I drove around town, tried to do some shopping, stopped for coffee at The Brew downtown, and basically tried to avoid my current reality. After buying a going away gift for Liz, I finally went back home and decided that I couldn’t shut everything out.

When I got home, I took a sleeping tablet with a shot of bourbon with the hope that I could make up for last night’s sleeplessness. I lay in bed, trying my best to stay away from worst case scenario, but finding myself there every two seconds nonetheless.

The only thing I managed to accomplish all day was watching afternoon fade into evening. Chase came home around five, looking surprisingly upbeat.

“Hey babe,” he said, kissing me. He filled the room with the smell of pool, a smell I loved so much. “How was your day?”

He took off his jacket and his shirt and joined me in bed.

“It was okay,” I lied.

“Do anything?”

I shook my head. “A little shopping. I’m having dinner with Liz and I wanted to get her something.”

Chase would have been blind not to tell something was wrong with me. If the sleeping pill hadn’t fully worn off yet, I was still freaking out over this new development. Knowing that something was on my mind, Chase scooted under the covers and positioned himself right next to me.

“Talk to me, gamin,” he whispered. I turned away from him so that he couldn’t see my face. I scooted back and let him wrap his arms around me. I felt safe next to him. Worried, uncertain, and scared, but still safe. When I didn’t reply, Chase pulled me even closer.

“I don’t want you to worry about anything, gamin. Morgan is gone, hopefully for good. And even if he comes back, there is nothing for him here. He can’t hurt you or me or anyone, okay?” I wanted to badly for that to be true, but nothing would keep me from worrying as long as Morgan was out and loose.

“I hope you’re right,” I said. I didn’t say anything else. Instead, I lay there and let Chase fill me with the smell of chlorine, and warm me with his arms.

Two hours and one nap later, I stirred awake and slithered out of Chase’s stronghold. I showered quickly, and got dressed as Chase stirred to life.

“Have fun at dinner,” he said.

“I’ll be home soon,” I replied. I knew that Liz had something planned with her friends for the night, but it was my last chance to eat with my daughter before she flew across the country to start a new life.

“Where do you want to go, sweetie?” I asked when I’d picked her up, said my hello’s to Devon and left her and CJ folding up clothes and taping down boxes.

“Reunion Tower,” she replied with a grin. It had been her favorite place since she was a little kid. For whatever reason, she didn’t mind the pretentious yet underwhelming food. She just loved seeing the city spin away below her as the ball turned, one rotation an hour.

“Reunion it is,” I smiled. We drove down the Tollway, barely speaking until I made the exit to downtown.

“So, excited about the move?” I asked as I pulled on Main and made a right.

“Yeah. It’s definitely exciting. A lot of the kids at school are jealous.”

“Why’s that?”

“I dunno. We’ve all grown up together. No one has ever really gone anywhere big, you know?”

“Sweetie, Dallas is pretty big,” I defended.

“I know, Dad. But… Chicago is different. It’s a lot more… glam.”

I nodded as I pulled up to the valet stand. We got out of the car and I gave the valet my keys. A minute later, we walked through the glass door and up to the concierge table.

“I need a table for two,” I said confidently.

“Mr. Carpenter,” the man at the desk recognized me. I was embarrassed for a second not to know who he was. I’d been to Reunion Tower a million times, but I never took the time to get to know any of the help. “It’s good to see you as usual. Unfortunately, we’re fully booked for the evening.”

I cut my eyes at him for a second. That was impossible. Reunion was never fully booked, especially this early.

“I beg your pardon?”

At that very second, as if sent from God himself, Sebastian and Mike came through the glass door. I caught Mike and Liz making eye contact. She shifted uncomfortably towards me and I instinctively put my hand around her shoulder.

“Cooper,” Bass greeted. “What are you doing here?”

“Trying to get in for dinner,” I said, shaking his hand. I took Mike’s next and watched as the two kids gave each other an awkward side hug. “Evidently this place books up now.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Bass said. He turned to the maître d’ and said, “Have them set two extra at our table, please.”

“Bass, you don’t…” I turned to Liz. “Do you want to or do you want to try and find somewhere else?”

It was Friday night. If I had been smarter, I would have made a reservation, even that afternoon. Any place worth its salt would have at least had a wait by then, and we’d have to drive up to the suburbs to find somewhere that didn’t.

Liz cut her eyes towards Mike. I watched the interaction as protectively as I possibly could. If it would be slightly awkward, we’d brave it and go somewhere else. Liz took a deep breath, sniffed in a little and shrugged.

“It’s fine, I guess. If it’s cool with you,” she directed towards Mike. He nodded silently, stuffed his hands deeper into his pockets and led the way into the elevator.

When we arrived in the dining room, the place was indeed full. Candlelit tables formed three circles around the bar in the center. On the edge was a glass concave wall that gave the perfect view to a perfect city, being touched by a perfect sunset. We sat at a table for four on the north side of the ball, beginning our hour looking up towards Plano, Frisco and the Colony. You could almost see all the way to Lake Lewisville from where we were.

“So,” Sebastian began the small talk. “Wrapping everything up, Elizabeth?”

“Yes, sir,” my daughter replied politely. “Everything is moving so fast, but I think we’re finishing up here pretty soon.”

“Well, pack a couple heavy coats,” he advised. “The last time I was in Chicago, it was so cold, I thought my finger nails would fall off. But everyone up there just went about their business as if it was sixty degrees. So… heavy coat.”

“Yes sir.”

“And Mike,” I chimed in, doing the fatherly thing and trying to keep the conversation breezy. “How is everything going with you?”

“Everything is going well,” he said, not once taking his eyes off Liz, who had her face buried in a menu. “I’m transferring back to Southlake High.”

“Oh?” I replied.

“No way,” Liz said, folding her menu and setting down on her bread plate. “Since when?”

“Since there’s no reason for me to drive all the way down to Highland Park every day.”

“Plus, they have a really great football team at Southlake, so…” Bass added.

“Mike, everyone you know goes to Highland. Why are you transferring?”

“I think I’ll be able to get to know people at Southlake, Liz.” The tension was as thick as the butter in the breadbasket. We’d all known from the minute Bass and Britney let Mike go to school out of district what his reasons were. Liz was the only justification. All of his childhood friends went to Southlake. It was an exemplary school, the reason those two had moved to the suburbs to begin with. And it was now painfully clear that because Liz was going, there was no reason for him to interact with Highland Park at all.

Liz swallowed her guilt, made a face that rivaled her mother’s in sheer bitchiness and returned to her menu. Bass and I made small talk for less than thirty seconds before she put her menu down again.

“You know what, you’re not going to guilt trip me,” she said harshly across the table.

“Liz, I’m not trying to. But I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I’m thrilled you’re leaving.”

Bass and I both stopped mid-sentence and looked at each other with wide eyes. There was nothing we could say to stop the oncoming fight, and I suddenly realized leaving and finding a different place to eat, even if it was a low rent Chili’s on Harry Hines, would have been better.

“You are the one that didn’t want to try to make it work long distance. You are the one that dumped me,” she said pointedly. “If anyone should be not thrilled about this, it’s me.”

“Don’t put this on me, Liz. Please. Have some class.”

“Okay, son… no need for anything like that,” Bass tried to interject, but the two kids just kept on exchanging jabs.

“A long distance relationship would never work, Liz, and you know it. Remember Robbie and Michaela when her dad moved them to London? They were Splitsville within a week.”

“Um, hello… that was London. This is Chicago. It’s not exactly across the pond.”

“Still…”

“And still, your little friend Robbie cheated on Michaela. If you think you’d cheat on me just because you didn’t see me every day, then we have bigger issues, don’t we?”

“It’s not that I wouldn’t see you every day, Liz. It’s that I wouldn’t see you at all. It might be just Chicago, but it’s not like I could hop on a plane any time I miss you.”

He had a point. A major one. Long distance would be hard, especially at their age. I squirmed in my seat, hoping this little spat would end soon and well. I knew realistically, there was little hope for either, but I still had some. I lived on it.

“I tried to tell you before. Between texting and video chatting, we could make it work if we wanted. You didn’t want to.”

“It’s not enough,” he said. He raised an eyebrow, and I caught it. He was trying to express something he didn’t want me to know, but I got it. He was a sixteen year old kid. Sitting around and video chatting wasn’t enough. I put my hand out to say something, but then I stopped. What the hell would I say? I was the monster that had caused this. The two of them were merely casualties.

“Fine,” Liz said coldly. “If that’s not enough for you, then I don’t know what is.” She paused, and I looked at her. She had a tear welled up in her eye, and if I knew my daughter at all, I knew she would do anything to keep it from falling. “But for your information, my mother spent a ridiculous amount of money to get us on American Airlines Platinum, and I’m sure if you and I were still together, she would have put you on the list as well.”

There was a long silence. I couldn’t even begin to tell you how awkward everything felt. I honestly couldn’t imagine it being anymore awkward.

“Devon put you all on American Platinum?” Sebastian asked. “We build their planes, and I can’t even get on American Platinum.”

“What’s American Platinum?” Mike asked. I wasn’t as confused as he was, but I was close. I knew what it was per Devon’s explanation, but I had no clue it was so exclusive.

“It’s a list, son,” Bass explained. “If you somehow manage to get on it, you and basically anyone you want on the list can fly any flight any time with twenty-four hour notice. If the flight is overbooked, they’ll dock someone. It’s that legit.”

“You have that?” Mike asked Liz tentatively. She simply shrugged at him. I waited for him to say something, hoping it would be something romantic. Or even semi-romantic. After a few seconds, I just hoped he’d say anything at all.

“It doesn’t really change anything,” he muttered finally. “Does it?”

“You know what? Why don’t Bass and I get drinks from the bar,” I said pushing myself up from my seat. Sebastian followed quickly. As soon as we turned away from the table, I saw the kids huddle together and whisper from across each other.

“How do you think that ends?” Bass asked me as we waited for one Old Fashioned and one Dirty Martini.

“Honestly? Not well,” I replied. We both turned to watch them hash things out across the table, unsure of how to ease our way back in.

“Let’s just hope they don’t hate each other when it’s all over,” he said, voicing my main concern to a T.

From what I gathered when we returned to the table, drinks in hand, the two of them had agreed to try to work things out in a way that only love-struck and naïve teenagers ever could. Evidently, in the time it took to make two cocktails, Mike had successfully voiced his insecurities, and Liz had eased them, assuring him that she’d be back in town whenever she could.

That was more than good news to me. If keeping them together meant seeing my daughter more often, I’d do anything in my power to make Mike look like the world’s greatest boyfriend.

Two hours and two revolutions around Dallas later, we started to say goodbye to the Kennedy’s.

“Thanks for dinner, Dad,” Liz said when I pulled into the Highland house driveway. She turned to me and gave me a significant hug. I wanted more time with her. I wanted to be able to protect her, and be there while she sorted out this Mike situation. I didn’t want to let that hug go.

“You’re welcome, honey,” I replied. She peeled away, leaving me feeling empty. And with very little pomp and even less circumstance, my daughter dashed out of the car and up to the house, where she had to get ready for her send-off with her friends.

I went home and found Chase watching some scary movie or other. I got a blanket, a fifth of vodka and two glasses. I spent the rest of the night snuggled close to him, taking advantage of the last weekend my son would be up the street at his mother’s.

I woke up at eleven the next morning, popped two Advil and took a steaming hot shower.

“Where are you running off to?” Chase asked.

“Brunch with the boys,” I replied as I toweled off, making the mental note to schedule a haircut. With it that long and wet, it was beginning to curl at the end like it did when I was younger, forming what we’d once affectionately called the frat flip. I remember Chase saying he liked it at that length, and that I reminded him of a young Tom Cruise. “It’s mandatory.”

“I was hoping you’d want to veg out with me today. You know, maybe have ridiculously loud sex for the last time before CJ moves in.”

We’d decided that Sunday would be the best day to move my son’s things over. The Highland house would be nearly empty by then, and without Devon and Liz’s stuff to worry about, we could have him loaded and moved in no time.

“I would, but Spencer would probably kill me if I didn’t show today,” I said. It had been since Kyle’s coming out party that we’d all been together, and even then, the tension was so high that it barely counted.

Just then, my phone vibrated. Chase picked it up and handed it to me.

“Speak of the devil,” he said. I clicked the button and read a message from Spencer.

To Cooper: Pick me up. Too hungover to drive to Plano.

I smiled at my phone, finished getting dressed, and headed out to get Spencer.

“You reek,” I said as soon as he slammed the door to my car.

“Hello to you too,” he replied. I put the car in gear and made way towards Highway 75.

“I don’t know why we’re meeting up here in the nosebleeds,” he complained as I pulled into Blue Mesa Grill. “Anaria’s is perfect, and it’s downtown.”

“It’s Sebastian’s turn to pick, so suck it up. And the food here is amazing.”

We walked in, gave Bass’ name to the hostess and she directed us to where Sebastian was sitting at the bar in front of four champagne flutes filled with mimosas.

“It’s about time,” he said. “They were about to give our table away. Hi Spencer.”

“Bite me,” Spence replied, picking up a full glass and downing almost half of it.

“I hope you got the-”

“-Bottomless,” Sebastian interrupted, picking up the two glasses and a pitcher of orange liquid. “Let’s go.”

We followed him to a table in the back corner of the dining room, where we could be loud without fear of offending any families that might have wanted a nice, quiet, PG rated brunch. Bass had long since stopped trying to silence Spencer and had instead taken to reserving seats in less crowded areas.

Kyle joined us just as the waiter was refilling our pitcher with another bottle of champagne. I watched him walk in, trying my best not to listen to Spencer embarrass himself with a bottomless joke to our server. Kyle met my eye as he approached, and raised one eyebrow towards me, I was sure.

“Hi guys,” Kyle sighed when he reached our table, taking his coat off as he spoke. “I’m going to go check this and then hit the men’s room.”

“Hurry up, we’re starving,” Sebastian said.

“Don’t wait for me,” Kyle replied. A second later, Spencer shot up, grabbed his plate and headed for the omelet station.

“Let me come with you,” I said to Kyle as he walked towards the back. I followed him wordlessly into the restroom. My instinct was to check under each stall before I asked him what was up, but a much more relaxed Kyle simply turned to me and held out a brown envelope.

“He’s definitely still in town. Everything you need to know is in here.”

“What is it?”

“It’s what I found out based on what you told me. He’s staying at the Hilton Anatole. He’s not using Chase’s credit card, at least not his primary account. And, Cooper, if you want him gone, there’s some information in there that could help you.”

“What do you mean?”

“He has a couple of warrants out in California. Missed probation on a possessions charge. And he hasn’t paid his rent in four months, so his land lord is suing. For both cases, if he’s picked up here in Texas, he will be extradited back.”

“Wait, slow down. Could either of those charges put him in jail?”

“Technically yes. But, sir, let me ask you,” Kyle shifted his weight and lifted an eyebrow. “Would that really solve anything? I mean, he’d get four to six years at the most, and from what I know about the California judiciary, with overbooking and everything, he’d probably walk out with a stricter probation. I’m thinking it’s a band aid fix and if this guy is as dangerous as you think, this might only be a half measure.”

I fondled the envelope as I considered Kyle’s words. Obviously I’d have to make a decision after I read everything that was in the mini-dossier. For the time being, I internalized everything Kyle had said and wondered if it was worth the trouble. Was it worth going behind Chase’s back to get my way? Hurting the guy he’d devoted the last sixteen years to? Was I really that afraid for my safety and the safety of my family, or was I considering doing this simply because I had to win?

I took a deep breath.

“Does it have to be this fucking hard?” I asked.

“What?”

“Me and Chase. This thing between us. I’ve been in love with the guy for twenty years, Kyle. Why the fuck is being with him so goddamn hard?” I didn’t feel awkward at all asking Kyle the question, although in hindsight, I probably should have. It was probably a question he asked himself about me regularly.

“Sir, with you, nothing is easy. Chase gets that. We all get that.”

As we left the restroom to the slanted stare of an older, blue blooded woman, I wondered who Kyle meant by ‘we all’. Surely he didn’t mean everyone I associated with. The only people I made it hard on, I thought, were those who fell in love with me. I swallowed a pang of guilt, grabbed my plate, and followed Kyle to the buffet line.

I got home later that afternoon and Chase was at the gym. He’d left me a note on the bed saying he’d pick up dinner and a couple more movies for us to veg out to. He loved being domestic, I was beginning to realize, and with him I didn’t mind.

After drinking what amounted to an entire bottle of champagne over brunch, all I wanted to do when I got home was take a nap. Instead, I opened the envelope Kyle had given me and rifled through it. Whoever he’d gotten to track Morgan down was pretty thorough. I was expecting to see some legit P.I. work, and I wasn’t disappointed. There was a bank statement detailing his purchases after he left Granbury. It was like following a trail all the way to downtown Dallas. Apparently, the guy had stopped and used his debit card at an adult theater off Mockingbird. He checked in at the Anatole on Thursday, just before midnight. He’d charged a hundred dollar cab ride there.

There was a mugshot of him and a police report from the possession charge. Attached to that was an official document, of which I only understood the words ‘Warrant of Arrest’. Under that file was a notice to appear and what looked like a document instructing he be served with civil papers.

I took a deep breath and realized with the pulse of a trigger, I could have him shipped back to LA to await a civil trial and criminal proceedings. But was Kyle right? Was it a band aid on a leaky faucet? Would he be back in four to six years, ready to rear his ugly head again? Or was I trying to kill a cockroach with a toothpick when a stomp of a shoe would do?

Part of me wanted to believe that if I did what I thought was right, he’d go behind bars, get cleaned up, leave everything behind and start a fresh. According to Chase, he had enough money stored away to start over. Hell, he hadn’t spared a single expense to get to Dallas. I wanted to think that he might turn things around given the proper catalyst.

But in the end I knew I was wishing on a star that wasn’t even there. Kyle was right. A half measure wouldn’t do for a guy like Morgan, and yet I wasn’t sure I could pull off a full one.

Still unsure what I was going to do, I put on my shoes, and slipped out of the apartment before Chase got home. It was a little after four, and I figured if he planned on doing dinner and staying in, he’d want to start around six or seven. I hustled downstairs, jumped in my car, and sped down Oaklawn to I-35.

I didn’t stop at the concierge desk on my way in, and instead, hustled upstairs to the room that had been listed in the envelope. I knocked on the door and waited. I heard some rustling and then nothing. A second later, I heard a thud, footsteps and the door creaked open. Morgan emerged, completely naked, rubbing his eyes.

“Not exactly who I was hoping for,” he muttered. He slinked into the doorway, covering the entire entrance. His body was lithe and slender, and yet in all of the sexuality he exuded, just standing there and blocking my way, I could see how he could be irresistible to someone. “You aren’t holding any fresh towels, so… can I help you?”

“We need to talk,” I said. I tried to muscle my way passed him, brushing my forearm against his rock hard stomach.

“Ah, ah,” he pushed back. “You’ll riddle me this first. Does le boyfriend know you’re here?”

I pushed my tongue to the back of my teeth and forced myself to stay composed.

“No,” I said firmly. “Are you going to let me in?”

He stared me down. His eyes were intense, penetrating. I tried my best not to look away, but after a second of being drilled into by his laser eyes, I couldn’t help it. I looked down at the floor briefly, and by the time I looked up, Morgan was smiling. He turned and sauntered back into the suite, much more like the Morgan I’d met months earlier with only traces of the Gollum I’d seen in a semi-padded cell earlier that week.

“So this makes two house calls without Chase knowing,” he hissed. “Sure he won’t be upset, gamin?”

“Please don’t call me that.”

“I’m sorry, does it have sentimental value?”

“I didn’t come here to chit chat.”

“Then why are you here?” he shouted, turning and grinning at me. His face was borderline and manic, and I asked myself the same question again. Why was I there?

“I tried playing nice, Morgan.”

“Please don’t call me that.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and crossed his legs in one fluid, reptilian motion. “Sentimental value.”

“Fine. I tried playing nice, asshole.” He raised his eyebrow and cocked his head to the side.

“And now?”

“And now we’re doing things my way,” I replied firmly. He breathed in, sucking air out of the room, almost producing a slight hiss. “I want you gone. Not out of Dallas. Not out of Texas, but out of the country. Immediately.”

“The country?”

“Yes, the country,” I replied. “Go wherever you want. Back to Brazil. You want to go back to Brazil?”

“Too tropical.”

“I don’t give a shit. Pick a place. You have the cash. If you need more, I will get you some. I’m sure you can wrestle up the necessary documents. If not, let me know, and I have someone who can help.”

“Slow down, before you reach a fever pitch. I’m the drug addict, and you’re the one who’s shaking.”

I took a deep breath and realized that I had been rattling off the rails.

“Now that you’re calm. I thought I told you I wasn’t going anywhere? What makes you think I’ll just hop, skip, and get out of town? I kind of like it here. Lido’s is down the street. Been there? I’m sure you have.”

“If you don’t go willingly, and I mean go far, I will have you sent back to LA where you will come face to face with a couple of criminal charges. Skipping parole? Skipping out on thousands of dollars in back rent? And that’s after only a day of searching. I’m sure my guy can dig up a ton more.”

“Well now I’m shaking,” he replied sarcastically. He leaned back onto his hand and smiled at me wickedly. From where I stood, I had a clear view of his entire body, and yet I forced myself to maintain eye contact.

He shrugged. “Coop… can I call you Coop? You really suck at the blackmail thing. You see, I don’t care what happens to me, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll stop threatening me.”

I sat down on the chair opposite him, suddenly tired. If I couldn’t muscle him out, what could I possibly do? My half measure had quickly turned into a no measure. Reading me closely, he must have seen the brief look of defeat in my face.

“You really want me gone, don’t you?”

“Yes,” I let escape before I could stop it.

“And you’re a fan of making deals, however stupid they are,” he replied. “So let’s make a deal. I will leave you alone for the rest of your life for a one-time, non-refundable easy payment of one Chase Pallendrino.”

“Hell no-”

“Before you object, hear me out. I don’t want him back for good. I just want him back for now. One night. Me and him. You can come watch if you’d like.”

I felt sick to my stomach. I honestly felt a wave of bile rise from my gall bladder and make its way up to my esophagus.

“He doesn’t want you,” I croaked. “He didn’t even want to come find you. Why… why do you want him back?”

“Old time’s sake?” he half asked. He shifted his weight, and this time I did let my eye wander down. What made Morgan dangerous was that he was a force of beauty and he knew it. I looked him dead in the eye. There was no way I was going through with that. There was no way I was letting Chase anywhere near him, let alone telling Chase I had gone near him.

And how the fuck would that conversation go? So, you know how I’ve been trying to get rid of Morgan? Yeah, could you sleep with him please? That’ll get him out of our hair.

And yet, there, lying before me stood the deal that could free me forever.

“I need assurances,” I said, sitting up and scooting to the edge of the chair. “How do I know you’ll never come back?”

It wasn’t even a question. I didn’t trust him as far as I could throw him, but for whatever reason, I felt like he was telling the truth. I felt like I knew him, and I knew what he wanted.

“I guess you don’t,” he answered after a brief pause. “But you do know, for a fact, that if you let this deal go, I’ll stick around forever. And you don’t want that…”

I almost winced as he spoke, his voice grating the back of my throat. I couldn’t do it. In spite of everything Chase and I had been through, this was much too much. If Morgan stuck around and came between us, I’d deal with that. But there was no way I could trade the guy I loved more than anything for the chance of freedom.

“So… what’s it going to be?”

And just like that, I made a decision. Sitting there, looking at Morgan and how serious he was, I felt like it was the only way. It was the only way to get him out of my life. It was the only way to move forward and ensure Morgan wouldn’t come roaring back. It was the only way Chase and I would build a future without any more interruptions.

“Okay,” I said, standing slowly and walking towards the bed. I stopped just short of Morgan’s long and naked form. “You’ve got a deal.”

I peeled off my jacket, put one knee on the side of Morgan’s svelte frame. I threw to the floor and lifted my other knee to the bed, so that I was straddling him. I didn’t think the words would actually come out of my mouth, but they did. Stronger than I had anticipated.

“Only no Chase,” I continued. I lowered myself onto my hands so that I was hovering over him. My face was about a foot away from his and I could feel the coldness of his body radiating upward. “Just me and you. One night. You tell no one, and then you leave forever.”

He looked at me blankly. I could tell I’d caught him off guard. And as the thought made its way through his coked out brain, I saw a thin grin form over his lips.

“Seriously? Not what I was expecting you to say.”

“What? You want to know why Chase came back to me after twenty years… now’s your chance.”

I held his gaze. This time, I didn’t falter. I let the thought permeate his mind. This was the only way, I told myself. Having him arrested and shipped off was a temporary fix. A guy like him would be back. But giving him something he wanted, something he thought he’d never have… that would satiate him enough to leave us alone. I knew it, and he knew it. I could tell I’d gotten through to him.

“Deal,” he said in a harsh voice. A second later, he pushed his claw through my hair and pulled hard on my scalp. I almost winced, but I didn’t have time. In one fell swoop, he pulled my face down onto his and kissed me as hard as a human being can kiss another.

There was nothing I wanted to do more than leave right then. But there was one thing I needed to do first.

It was the only way.