Wedding Jitters - 1. Chapter 1

Maya was running around in true wedding planner fashion. Funny thing though, she was our daughter and there was no wedding planning but all the same, she carried the sort of authority that only an eleven year old can muster. Given our non-traditional family, it was shocking how conventional Maya could be at times.

“Pop! You can’t wear your tie like that! In fact why are you wearing that tie? I pulled out the black tie for you; it goes with your tie pin. Sometimes I wonder if you would really be gay if you weren’t sleeping with Dad – you have absolutely no sense of style!”

I sighed. Honestly I didn’t want the tie. I didn’t want the fuss. I didn’t want the wedding. It was driving me crazy. This started so reasonably and somehow it got a life of its own and became a nightmare. And worst of all there seemed no way to explain this and stop the madness.

Ellen ambled in as Maya left to fetch the proper tie, she wasn’t smiling but the twinkle in her eye told me that she had heard our exchange. “A little wedding day jitters, dear brother” she remarked, surveying the room.

“I wish; that’s the problem. This has taken on a life of its own, it’s a giant farce. Why are we getting married again?”

“Don’t give me that, both you and Andrew were so involved in the Equal families Campaign. I remember you saying that you were thinking of not paying taxes if you were not considered equal under the law.”

“I want to be equal under the law but does that mean we have to marry?”“Now, you are just not making any sense”“Ok, Ellen. Remember when Maya was about 6 months old. The courts had just overturned the marriage statute. Rev. Hawks had challenged the law by using the reading of the Banns to get around the statute at the MCC church. The challenge had wound its way through the courts and now the Supreme Court had recognised same sex marriage in Ontario. Yes, we were ecstatic!But it had taken the better part of ten years. remember the failed provincial legislation. Remember how some MPPs had suddenly felt that they had to vote their conscience and the motion had failed, Then the near riot two weeks later at Pride. And now it was legal and we should be grateful.”

“So now you and Andrew are tying the knot so what’s the problem? Don’t want the responsibilities that go with it?” Ellen smiled so I know that she wasn’t seriously doubting our commitment.

“Now you sound like Ted. You know our dear straight brother was happier about the idea of us marrying than we were. Both he and Meryl were ready to plan our wedding on the spot. Ted didn’t pay any attention to his own wedding but was gung ho to orchestrate ours. Ha."

”Well dear brother, you know after two failed marriages, he’s stuck with this one and wants everyone to share his misery.”

“That’s the problem, Ellen, we aren’t miserable, I am just not sure that I want to get married! It’s funny, I said as much to Ted at the time – not the part about his failed marriages, just I wasn’t sure that we would marry. You know he was furious, he felt that now that it was legal, it was our OBLIGATION; we had to do it for the gays in the rest of Canada and the States who couldn’t marry. How we had this privilege that was denied others. What the fuck! what bull shit! I am not going to marry just to make a political statement. You know he was really upset at that. He got all red in the face and incredibly pompous and told me that it was our duty because we had all fought for this right.”

“Well you two did put a lot of effort into the campaign and Ted and Meryl did support it too”“So we should get married for Ted and Meryl. Can't I just give them a citation? Funny how everyone thinks that same sex marriage will either support or destroy straight marriages. Nobody understands that we were campaigning for a right. That also gives us the right not to, or to divorce, it’s a choice.”

“OK, OK enough with the lectures already, what is really your problem here and more important, why is it still an issue on your wedding day. Nobody’s father is standing at the back with a shotgun to preserve the family honour? What gives?”

“Well, sis it’s Maya, it’s a big deal to her. I want her to feel secure. We are so lucky here and I do not take that for granted: her friends, their parents, teachers, none of them blink an eye when they met us. We never felt judged or frowned upon. We have it real good. But I’m always waiting for the day when Maya gets teased or hurt because of us. Things are better now, but Andrew works in the suburbs and we know that we are very lucky. I just want her to feel normal”

“Come on, what’s normal? Some kids deal with race, some with parents who split up, every kid has to deal with something. And you know brother dear that Maya is proud of you guys, and secure and happy. Do you really think getting married is going to protect that?”

“This is really a big deal for her Ellen. She spent more time choosing which friends to invite than she did for her own birthday party. Maya has thought about how she and her grandparents can participate. It’s scary. It really bugged her that we were keeping this low key. There was one scary tantrum when I suggested that to do it quietly and then invite everyone for a party and tell them why they were there over dessert. If she had her way we would be wearing white for God sakes.”

“Stop this. This is crap. Michael, this is not about Maya or Ted, or at least not about their feelings; what is the problem? You did not decide to do this just to please someone else. I know that you also want to protect your family under the law. Despite what the conservatives say, marriage is a contract. Hopefully love is there too, and before you start, I don’t doubt that you two love each other so spit it out.”

“Well remember what I said about the court case ruling, well, in the end it’s silly and sentimental. I am so glad for all those changes but the state gave up those rights kicking and screaming, first the court case, then the legislation that barely passed, then justices of the peace claimed it might violate their rights to be forced to marry same-sex couples, it went on and on. So I’m glad we got it but do I have to feel grateful about it? When Maya was born, Andrew and I knew that we were together forever. We could break up, move to different continents, whatever but Maya would live on as something we did together and even if God forbid Andrew and I split and hated each other, he would be a part of my life because he was also Maya’s Dad. And that was good. I loved knowing that. That was something we decided on our own, no one had to give us their blessing. I don’t want to give that up.”

“Michael, you are a real dickhead sometimes. I say that with love cause I’m your sister. But do you really think that getting married is going to take that away from you? Now go have a chat and tell Maya some of what you just told me so she knows too. And then go tie the knot. I love you but you can be a little thick sometimes”