Charity Fundraising - 6. Chapter 6 - Reckoning

Torn between the fun of the good-natured banter and the desire to let him know how much I appreciate the help, I opt for the latter.

“Keep this up and I’ll recommend you all for medals.”

“Dude, you’re awesome. Come meet our pledge captains.”

Two college dudes of the type I already had working for me ambled up to greet us. Joe springs forward to introduce me, but is interrupted. “Pledge! Is that any way to address your pledge captain?” I watch closely because I can’t yet tell whether they are serious or not.

“Sorry, Sir, Pledge Joe, scum of the earth, reporting in, Sir!”

Joe is at attention. I think he would do an army drill sergeant proud.

“You are out of uniform, Scum.”

“I had permission from the boss.”

“You don’t have permission to speak!”

“Sorry, Sir!”

“You don’t have permission to apologize, either!”

“Sorr--mmhpt!”

“That’s better.”

“Sir,” said the drill sergeant, addressing me.

“Shall I curtsy?” I ask. That wasn’t nice to Joe - he’s almost losing it.

“That won’t be necessary. My name is Dan. I’m the pledge Captain. George, here, is the co-Captain. Has the pledge class been working out satisfactorily for you this morning?”

“Yes, Sir.” I consider saluting, but am still not sure whether or not he is joking.

“Can we speak privately? I don’t want you to feel pressured to give them an overly favorable review while they are listening.” I consider telling them that I will be just as honest either way. Then it occurs to me that they may have ulterior motives for wanting privacy.

“There’s the changing area,” I point, “where I can keep my eye on things. Or we could go sit in my truck.”

“The truck will do nicely. Please lead on. Scum, get back to work!”

We make our way over to Ben’s truck. While they squeeze into the front seat I change shirts and then sit on a towel. As soon as both doors are closed, Dan and George burst out laughing.

“Is that really necessary?” I ask them.

“Oh, sure it is. We can’t do much hazing anymore - nobody ever died or got hurt in our Frat, but the laws have changed since awhile back. And part of the fun of the whole fraternity thing is being forced to do stupid things together. It’s for bonding.”

“I can see that, for some people. Not everyone is going to take things that way, though.”

George, who hadn’t said anything yet, pipes in. “That’s my job, studying the pledges and keeping Dan from crossing th line with them. Joe & Ray think any pledge activity has been wasted if they haven’t been completely humiliated. We need to be more careful with the others, though, especially John.”

I’m starting to like the entire fraternity at this point. “Are all of you at Pie Iota Epsilon like that?”

“Naw - right now we’re in the majority, but there is a vocal minority who wants to be KKK - no blacks, no poe’ folk, no fags, no variety, etc, etc, etc. Even in the pledge class. We were real careful about who we sent your way. Are they working out alright??

“Phenomenal. This is a great group of guys. I wish they could all volunteer at the center too.”

I try not to get my hopes up. George and Dan look at each other; They change subjects. “We are a scout team too. Some of the other brothers want to come up and haze them a little. We are off campus and think we might be able to push them further than normal. If it won’t get in the way and you won’t report us.”

“What are you planning?” I inquire, suspiciously.

George lowers his voice, even though we are alone in the truck. “You know that locker of clothes? We have more, of a more ---- eclectic variety. We threw in the Speedos so they could change fast.”

Okay, think, think - I am the “adult” here, after all.

“Well, we need to remain G-rated. And we can probably only spare one at a time to go change. But as long as you don’t get in the way of paying customers that’s probably fine. In fact, depending on what you’ve got it might help. We have a target amount to hit on this fundraiser and I’m worried that rain is coming.”

“What's the goal?”

“The magic number is $1,235.73, not counting $150.00 in seed money. It’s surprising on how much is riding on making that goal at this event. And I can’t contribute because payments by staff don’t count. We have to prove that the community supports what we are doing. I think we only have $200.00 of it so far.”

Dan reassured me, “I promise some of the brothers will be paying customers. And I will personally threaten them with ‘a day as a pledge’ for anyone who gets in the way of your other paying customers. Just report any problems you see to me.”

“Cool. Before we go, and just because I’m a pervert myself, any chance we’ll be seeing either of you inside the booths?”

“Sorry, didn’t dress for that,” says Dan.

“Me neither. Nothing to change into, I’m afraid,” adds George.

I turn my evil eye upon them. WTF have they been bringing for pledges to change into, after all!!

After a shot pause they both crack up.

“Yeah, well, it was worth a try,” concedes Dan. “But we have to finish the hazing first. The cue is ‘everything appears to be in order.’ When you hear me say that, we’re done and you can come after us - one at a time.”

“It’s a pleasure doing business with you."

As I reached to open the door, Dan grabs my arm. “Don’t let on that we are happy with them. And don’t tell them what we are planning. If you want, let them think we weren’t satisfied with what they were doing and we have gone back to get some others to confirm our doubts.”

“But it’s all an act, because you are happy with them, right? I sure am.”

“Absolutely!”

“I’m in,” I say, and get out of the car. The captains resume their serious demeanor and storm off to the fair entrance.

I sidle back over to the pie booth. “How’d it go?” Joe asks me.

“Not sure,” I reply. “Perhaps taking off the beanies wasn’t such a good idea.”

Joe turns to look at me in great concern.

Okay Scott - stay in character man. You can do it…