Charity Fundraising - 7. Chapter 7 - Calm Before the Storm

Not sure I can keep the act much longer I change to the weather.

“You think we’re going to get rained out?

“I-D-K! I know we need the rain but today is the wrong day for it.” Joe looks around at the clouds on the horizon. While he is looking I see some customers take their money. He looks back at them at the pie throwing line and recognizes one.

The third person in line points at Joe and asks, “When’s he getting back there?”

“Do you know him?” I ask the potential client.

“Sure, we’re on the wrestling team together, but I’m not dumb enough to pledge a fraternity.”

I smell a big sale here. So does Joe. “Scott, this is Kevin. He can beat Chuck in a witlessness contest any day. His sidekicks Mark & Steve are also on the team.” No doubt! “Look, chalk for brains, I’m up here because I’m leading this pledge project.”

“Why don’t you lead by example & get back there.”

“Yeah, Josephus,” says Tiny, standing up behind the cutout. “It’s my turn up at the table. Hey Kevin, you’ve got to bail me out of here.”

While negotiations continue I remember needing to update Ben on how things are going. I rifle through the cash drawer here, then at the tank, and then make my way back to the truck where I stashed the cell phone. “Gd strt 2dy. $420 prft. Poss Rn. WISH U WR HR - ON THE TANK!!! ;)”

I look up to see Mike replacing Ray on the tank. Next door I see Kevin wiping a huge pie around Joe’s head rather than throwing it. Mark & Steve are laughing and pointing. My hand starts vibrating.

“Cool! Great! Nutz! NOT A CHANCE. Keep in touch.” With a grin I stash the phone back in the truck and head over to the tank.

“Any of you need a quick break?” Ray, in fresh dry clothes shakes his head.

“I need a leak,” says Peter. “C’mon John, you look like you need a break too.” I decide not to say anything about how long of a break, just to check out their work ethic.

Ray shags balls while I take over the table. Ten minutes later, John and Peter are taking pies while Chuck and Tiny go on break. After only 30 minutes, everyone has swapped out except Joe who insists I go on break with him. He buys me a sausage wrap.

“This is a lot of fun, but you seem really uptight about the money.”

“Yeah, running a charity isn’t all fun and games. We are on the last day of a fundraising challenge. If we make that goal, the challenger has promised to fund us for the semester and recommend us to other funding sources. But then we get to go on to the next crisis - recruiting volunteers. If we don’t make the goal we’ve exhausted all other funding streams and have to start shutting down.”

“Are all of those kids gay?” Joe asked.

“Definitely not! About a quarter are, a quarter are not, and the rest either don’t know or won’t tell us. We make a point of including everyone. Safe sex for everyone - only after you are 18 though. Good grades, eat vegetables, no drugs, exercise, have fun. Our big thing is to make the sex thing matter less because there is so much else in life out there.”

“Sounds like Abstinence. Isn’t that controversial?”

“Yeah, that’s part of why we have more trouble fundraising than most. We know a lot of kids are going to try sex, but it has to stay out of the organization. The sex - not the kid. When you’re going through teen years, the chemicals in your body keep everyone, gay or straight, from thinking clearly about sex. We recommend waiting until you are 21 and out of college, but once you graduate High School you graduate from our program anyway.”

“Do you have to be 21 to volunteer there?”

“No, but your interview process is a little longer. We have to make sure you’re mature enough to be a good role model.”

“Well, that disqualifies me, right there.”

I look him up and down with a lascivious eye. “You wash my backside, perhaps I can do something with yours?”

“Didn’t we already do that an hour ago? Hey! Are you coming on to me?”

Alright Scott, back off. No Volunteers; nobody under 21, I’m taken. How to change gears?

“I’d love to, but you caught me again. Even if you or any of the other pledges are gay, you are all off limits. If I forget that I lose my job. And I kind of believe the center’s philosophy”

“When do you want me to wash your back for you?” That was feigned ignorance, or I’ll eat the next pie the next pie they serve me.

“And you say Chuck is the idiot. Five cute straight guys and two delicious fags come and help me on my last desperate day before we have to make the fundraising goal, stripping and getting wet & pied, knowing what they are raising money for; also knowing they are showing off for the dirty old gay guy. Just the effort y’all are putting in - wow. I don’t think my back has ever been so clean. I owe you guys big time even if we don’t make the goal. There’s not a single one of you I wouldn’t give my left big toe to have come help at the center. I’ll go along with the pledge captain’s act for a little while, but nothing warmed my heart like seeing you guys entertain the kids and figuring out how to get the community to sponsor it.”

Joe was at a loss for words. I hope I didn’t go too far. I also probably let out some hints of info that should have been kept confidential. Was he worried about the hidden fags in his group - or did he even believe in them. Was he worried that I was working some deal with the pledge captains? Perhaps he thought I really wanted to jump him some time. Big no-no for me and I always have to tell Ben about it when I get the urge, but did Joe believe me? “You okay?” I ask.

“Shit!” he stage whispered.

“Sorry - that was TMI. I can think of about 5 things I need to apologize to you for what I just said. Which one do I need to start with?”

“You need to take my sorry ass back to the booth. The big brothers are on their way. They have two more lockers coming!"