Charity Fundraising - 5. Chapter 5 - Mutiny

A couple people came up to throw at Mike while Jack changed and Joe entertained the kids with pies. I turn to Jeff. “No pressure from me, but when the kids see Jack up there, they’re gonna ask for you next.”

“I know. If I have to, I’ll take a few pies but I’m not going to go up in the tank. I’ll watch our money and cell phones.”

“Suit yourself. Isn’t the weather great for this?”

“It is now,” Jeff admitted, “but another front is coming in later.” He pointed off to the north horizon, and I could see something in the distance. We might not have all day after all. I kept the corner of my eye on the kids but focused on the clouds for a bit. Hopefully we will still at least get a crowd in the morning. Then I look at the pie show.

Joe gets a name and age from each kid. He tells each one they look at least 2 years older than they say, checks their muscles, measures some other random body part, puts them 2 to four feet from their choice of Chuck or Tiny, and gives them a count down. For their parts, Tiny and Chuck complain “too close” or “not me, throw at him” and groan comically whenever hit. The boys have a blast.

By the time Joe had run through each kid, Jack is securely ensconced on the tank. John calls for the kids’ attention and says, “Look who we’ve got over here, and here’s a new game.” He gives them each three shots, and just to clarify things Jeff announces that only people who dunk Jack on their third throw get to pie him. Of course, anyone who misses all three gets a free push - so Jack gets the full experience while he’s up there. Three kids earn the reward.

Joe makes a big theatrical deal about each of the three pies Jeff is about to get while Jack dries off and changes. To keep our quota, I give Joe a draw-it-out signal until Jack is back and dressed, then a hurry-up signal. Joe arranges all three boys around Jeff and has them throw at the same time. By the time all of that is done, a reasonably sized crowd has formed around us. They hang back to watch, making me think we need to get on with the show. I love those kids, but we need to start making money for them soon. And I'm’ starting to have trouble keeping my J’s straight(Joe, Jeff, John, Johnny, Jack). Even so, the best laid plans of mice and men . . .

John approaches me from the side and says, “Umm, I think we have a special request.”

Joe rushes over, looking interested.

Jack pulls a twenty out of his wallet and says, “I want to see Johnny. . .” and he leaves a grand pause. Johnny looks up at me, and I imagine he is scared he is going to have to get into one of the booths. I’m absolutely not going to let that happen. I look back at Jack with “you’d better watch it” vibes. But Jack finishes with, “DUNK SCOTT!”

It’s not just the kids who cheer at this. I turn towards my left, looking at all the jumping kids, who are standing between the tables. As I turn back, I look up the crowd that’s been forming around us. By the time get back to Johnny, who is standing next to Jack, I’ve decided what I’m going to do. “Sorry, I’m not dressed for it. And you aren’t supposed to spend that kind of money on a kid anyway.”

I glance up at Jack, John & Joe, who have identical facial expressions: “Seriously?!?!?!” is written right across all their eyebrows. Making sure I am turned so that none of the kids can see my right eye, I wink at them. They are quick on the uptake and glance at each other. The alliance is formed. I pointedly ignore their frenzied activities as I turn back to Johnny and say, “Not today, kid.”

A few of the kids start to “Awwww.” Others start looking around at the pledges to figure out what they’re doing. Johnny looks like he can’t tell whether he is disappointed that I’ve refused or relieved that he is back out of the spotlight. I smile at him, and then stick out my tongue.

Now, Jeff is in front of me. “So, you are on staff, supposedly setting the example, but you will let everyone else get wet for you?” I’m not sure whether he is in on it yet, but trust that Jack will get to him soon.

“I have to oversee the pie booth.”

“Got it covered, boss!” Chuck chipped in. He was now sitting at the table on the left grinning, definitely on board.

“And oversee the dunk tank.”

“No worries!” replied Peter, at the appropriate table on the right. Check off the crowd control requirement - these guys follow instructions well.

“Johnny doesn’t want to do this to me, do you?” I turn back to him. He appears startled to be back in the limelight. Johnny turns to Jack, the instigator, who gives him a thumbs-up. He looks back at me, still unsure. I quickly stick my tongue out at him again. That does it. He nods.

“Ladies and Gentlemen!” I look over at the pie table. Joe is standing on his chair, addressing the swelling crowd. “Thank you for joining us today. We are raising money for the Youth Empowerment Center. The YEC is a safe place for teens to hang out and express their sexual identity - without being harassed. It provides activities, counseling, tutoring, and referrals for other social services. The YEC is a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization, but is struggling from a loss of government funding. Before you stand ten of the recipients of the YEC services. Boys, turn around and wave to the crowd.” Some are eager, others reticent, but all of the kids obey, as do J-J.

“Scott, please wave at the crowd.” I do as bid, trying to muster an air of reluctance. “Scott is a beloved member of the YEC staff, having worked with these kids for several years. He has volunteered to get in the dunk tank if we raise enough money, and the kids he works with really want to see that.” I start to protest, but am interrupted by having my arms grabbed from behind. I think its Ray and Mike. The crowd is eating this up. “Who’s willing to help the cause?” Joe continues.

“Now wait a minute . . .” is all I am able to get out before John grabs my feet. I only struggle a little bit - we don’t want anyone hurt. I catch a glimpse of Johnny laughing and people in the crowd reaching for their wallets. The ride to the tank is slow, giving people time to pass in donations. They let me stand beside the ladder while we watch the counting, but they don’t let go of my arms.

Finally, the counting is done. Joe announces, “We have raised $127.43 to see Scott dunked. Do you think that’s enough?” The crowd goes wild, but Jeff, who’s definitely in the know now, yells, “I don’t think so!”

This is an unexpected turn of events, at least for me. The crowd quiets down. “And why do you say that?” asks Joe. Now, he is shaking a can of shaving cream.

“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him climb up onto the seat if he doesn’t want to. He’s already said he doesn’t want to mess up his clothes.” I think I see where this is going.

“And what do you suggest we do about it?” asks Joe.

Jeff pulls out a $10 bill, trades it for the can Joe’s been shaking, and exclaims, “I say we cream him first!”

The crowd goes wild again. John has already lined the boys up. Jeff squirts a reasonable ration of foam into Chris’ hands, and then starts on the next kid. John leads Chris over to me. Chris is still unsure whether this is okay. Ray and Mike push me down onto my knees. I look up at Chris and stick my tongue out at him now.

Did you know shaving cream tastes like soap?

John suggests target spots for the rest of the kids as they come up: “his hair”, “his chest”, “there’s still a clean spot on his back”. By the time they’re done, I imagine I’m white from the waist up. I shake my arms loose from the thugs so that I can wipe enough from my face to see and breathe.

“Now will you go up there - you look like you need a bath.” I point at Joe in response to his query and blow him a raspberry. Then I start climbing. I just leave my shoes, socks and hat on - might as well do this thing full out.

Because of the big crowd and hopes they can hook them in for more games before the crowd moves on, they dispense with the throwing. Jim counts down from five while John holds Johnny’s creamy hand next to the target. This gives me warning so I can time taking a breath right before going down. Of course, Johnny’s still a little unsure of himself. He doesn’t trigger the mechanism until about negative two-and-a-half. But the inevitable does happen, and the background noise is suddenly drowned out by the sound of bubbles rising. I enjoy the calm for a moment, making a face through the glass before I emerge.

John tries to get me to give Johnny a five from the tank - but I won’t be satisfied with anything less than a full hug. As soon as I am out, Ray climbs up and starts singing something about how we’re never gonna get him down.

Joe meets up with me as Johnny walks off with J-J. “We made $137.43 off that one. Happy?”

“Ecstatic. Great job! Are we even now?” I ask him.

“I hope so, because the pledge captains are coming this way. You gonna give us a good report so far?”