To Thine Own Self Be True - 1. Chapter 1

In a far away land, during a time long forgotten, there was a kingdom ruled by a decent and well-intentioned, although woefully incompetent king named Percival. As far as his subjects were concerned, Percival’s father had been a truly great king, but Percival’s deeds paled in comparison to those of his sire. This may have had something to do with the long shadow cast by his father’s legendary reputation and the enormous, and possibly unfair, expectations everyone held for King Percival’s reign, but no matter what the king did, his efforts always appeared to be inadequate. Unfortunately, this included starting a family and his efforts to produce a male heir to carry on after he was gone.

Although his father had arranged for him to marry an attractive and much admired maiden from a noble family, it did little to help ensure the continuation of his line. After several years of futile attempts to impregnate his wife, Percival’s first child was finally born, much to the relief of his subjects. The child, however, was a girl, which disappointed the people and caused her father much chagrin. Her birth was quickly followed, a year later, by the birth of a stillborn son. The fact that the child did not survive broke the king’s heart, but his subjects merely saw this as another failure on his part and another sign that he was inadequate on many levels.

After a lengthy mourning period, during which the queen would not share the king’s bed, she eventually rejoined him and found herself pregnant again. It was a male child, but unfortunately he turned out to be sickly and lived only a few days before he too succumbed. It was nearly five years after that before the queen gave birth again, but this time it was to another daughter. This birth was followed by another miscarriage and caused the king to feel even more pressure to produce a male heir that would one day follow in his footsteps. In due time the queen became pregnant again and finally gave birth to a healthy son.

Once he was convinced this child was going to survive, the king decided to name his son after himself. From that time forward, the king was known as Percival the Elder, although his subjects more often referred to him as Percival the Bungler, while his son became Percival the Younger. Young Percival grew to be a handsome and healthy child, even though most of those who knew him considered Prince Percival to be a trifle odd. This was due to the fact that he didn’t seem to care for the energetic games the other boys engaged in and had absolutely no interest in playing with any sort of weapons, whether it involved a wooden sword, a toy bow and arrow or a miniature catapult. This lack of interest grieved his father greatly.

King Percival knew his son would need to grow up to be a strong and tenacious leader, because he might be required to lead his troops into battle someday. This would be necessary whenever the borders of his kingdom came under attack by one of the neighboring kingdoms. In an effort to get his son interested in the types of activities that would prepare him for his kingly duties, King Percival provided young Percival with the finest tutors in self-defense and weapon training.

In addition to this, he also made sure to introduce the prince to the sons of other noblemen, because he hoped that by doing this those young men might be able to convince young Percival that these skills were essential to his future role. King Percival hoped his son’s peers might be able to achieve what he had been unable to accomplish and motivate young Percival into taking an interest in the training. Try as they might, their attempts proved unsuccessful. Prince Percival seemed content to spend most of his time either reading or writing stories, or he would spend it singing songs or drawing sketches on scrap pieces of parchment.

When Prince Percival reached puberty, he also failed to show any interest in wooing the young maidens or rescuing damsels in distress. Instead, he seemed to prefer watching the other boys play their games or compete in the weapons contests his father wished he would participate in. It wasn’t as if any of these activities garnered the prince’s attention, but he was interested in watching the contestants. He got an enormous amount of pleasure from observing the other young boys while they played or competed, especially when they removed their shirts or were scantily clad.

For some reason, which he couldn’t explain, Percival felt drawn to these boys, in much the same way that the flies were drawn to the stables. The only reason he could think of to explain it was that he loved to admire the other boys’ bulging muscles, powerful physiques and the sight of sweat glistening off of their bodies. He even attempted to befriend a couple of the boys that he thought were the most handsome, but this didn’t work out as he had hoped, since they had little in common. Instead, he ended up becoming close to a couple of the younger boys, whose interests more in line with his own.

If Percival’s lack of enthusiasm about what his father considered the ‘manly arts’ wasn’t bad enough, when King Percival attempted to teach his son about the affairs of state, young Percival became even more distressed and frustrated. He was proving to be a poor student in this area as well, because he seemed to lack both an interest in and aptitude for such matters.

“Thou must pay attention and learn how to deal with these affairs, because these same types of situations will arise when thou art king,” his father chastised him. “I had to learn this from my sire and one day thou will not only have to deal with issues such as this on your own, but thou will have to teach your son how to deal with them as well. When thou art king, thou will not only need to know how to handle matters dealing with finance, but thou must also be capable of mediating disputes between parties that arise from such issues. In addition to dealing with financial problems, thou must also be prepared to react to the aggressive moves made by neighboring kingdoms, which may require you to lead your army to confront them.”

“It is all boring and doesn’t interest me in the slightest, Father,” Percival whined. “Why do I have to learn this when it doesn’t interest me in the least?”

“These are things you must know in order to be king,” his father replied.

“Then let someone else be king,” Percival snapped back.

“Thou art my only son, so thou art destined to be the king after I’m gone,” the king insisted.

“Then let one of my sisters become queen instead and then she can learn these boring duties,” Percival countered.

The king, however, was adamant that Percival continue to learn these lessons, but the young man had no desire and would not focus on what his father was attempting to teach him. This displeased the king even more, so he chose to take a slightly different approach to get his son to assume his position in life. The king now demanded that young Percival spend nearly every minute of the day by his side, so young Percival could watch how he handled the day-to-day duties. He hoped his son would be able to learn the responsibilities of his station in this manner, because he wasn’t about to give in or provide young Percival with any choice in the matter. He felt if the boy had no other option, then he would begin to act like a future monarch.

As soon as his father released him for the day, young Percival would run to his lover’s side and express his frustration.

“Why can’t my father see me for who I am, rather than trying to make me into something I am not?” he whined. “I only want to be with you, instead of learning all that boring stuff, because I love you dearly.”

“And I also love you,” the boy responded.

“It’s not just the sex things that we do either, although doing that stuff with you is really great,” Prince Percival explained, “but I truly love just being with you. I love looking at you, holding you, touching you, kissing you and doing the other things together that we both enjoy. We have so much in common and even think alike, so much so that we can often complete each other’s sentences.”

“I know and I feel the same way,” the boy agreed.

“Why can’t my father see this and give me the freedom to be happy?” Prince Percival wondered. “Why do I have to fit the mold that he has carved out for me, instead of being whom I was born to be. That would suit me much better and I’d prefer to let one of my sisters rule instead, because I have no interest in the affairs of state.”

This situation reached a critical point when the young prince snuck out after the midday meal one afternoon and then failed to attend a meeting he had been requested to monitor. Furious, the king sent a courier to find the lad and young Percival was discovered in bed with his male friend. When the courier told the king what he had discovered, King Percival was livid and raced to his son’s bedchamber to confront him.

“I am saddened, dismayed and appalled by the report of your activities,” King Percival began, now that the other boy had departed. “Thy behavior is woefully inappropriate and totally unacceptable. Thou must learn to control thy desires and pursue your romantic interests only with an appropriate young lady. In a few short years thou wilt be expected to marry and produce an heir who will continue the family line.”

Rather than merely buckle under his father’s demands, young Percival tried to convince his father that there must be another way.

“I knoweth not the reason why, but I have no attraction to or interest in the fairer sex,” Prince Percival admitted. “I have only felt a desire to be with other males and a longing to touch their bodies. I wish only to do things with them.”

“Then thou must place thy duty as future king ahead of thy lustful attraction to other males,” his father ordered. “Thou will learn to make love to a wife and sire heirs, even if thou must force thyself to do this to begin with. Once thou has tasted the sweet pleasures of the feminine body, then thy desires for another male will begin to fade, until they finally disappear.”

“I think not, so even if thou should force me to marry and eventually become king, I shall have no heirs, for I have no desire to be with a woman in that manner,” Prince Percival insisted.

“But thou must. It is thy duty,” his father replied.

“I cannot do what my heart does not desire, nor my body will respond to,” Prince Percival reasoned. “I am not aroused by the feminine form in the same way I am moved by another male, so I believe that will keep me from becoming a father. If you do not wish thy line to end with me, then I beg thee to allow my eldest sister to become queen in my stead.”

Hearing his son’s argument only made the king even more irate than he was before, so King Percival assigned two of his most trusted guards to accompany his son at all times. This was to prevent the prince from having any future dalliances with his male friends, while at the same time making certain that he fulfilled his required duties. At first, young Percival merely tried to evade the guards and find ways to escape their prying eyes, but when that didn’t work, he tried to order them to leave him alone. Since the guards obeyed only the king’s commands, this tactic didn’t work either and young Percival grew even more melancholy and unresponsive as the days passed.

The king also had prostitutes brought to the castle and paid them to train his son in the art of making love. Young Percival immediately balked at becoming involved in these encounters, but the king was insistent that he should do this and gave him no choice in the matter. Much to young Percival’s horror, when he refused to participate, the king ordered the two guards to go into Percival’s bedchamber with the prostitute, so they could make certain everything went as planned. When Percival refused to get undressed, one guard held him down while the other removed his garments. When he then refused to let the prostitute touch him, the guards held him down and allowed the prostitute to proceed. They also forced Percival to touch her, although his heart wasn’t in it.

Even after the prostitute performed fellatio on him and was able to produce an erection, it didn’t last when she went to mount him. Even though this situation was brought to King Percival’s attention, it didn’t end his attempt to change his son, because he felt in time his son would learn to enjoy and even look forward to these encounters. He believed this would, in turn, also prepare him to fulfill his role as both husband and king.

When Prince Percival was seventeen, things suddenly got even worse when the king made an unexpected announcement.

“I have pledged thee to wed the middle daughter of King Menepholes,” King Percival told his son in private. “Doing this should end his constant raids upon our borders and give you one less thing to worry about, once you become king.”

Poor Prince Percival was beside himself, because he knew he still had no interest in having a wife, even though his father had done his best to get him to become interested in girls. No matter how many prostitutes he had been exposed to or what he had been forced to do, Prince Percival knew he still only desired to be with another male. When he tried to explain this to his father again, the king would not listen.

“Thou will do this and learn to love her,” his father commanded.

“I’d rather not have a son at all, than to have one that cannot act like a man and perform his husbandly and kingly duties. If thou continueth to refuse this arrangement, then I shall be forced to condemn thee to death for high treason, for if I do not, then King Menepholes will use this insult to declare war on us.”

“So rather than do as I have requested and allow my sister to follow you to the throne, you’d rather see me dead?” Percival mused, bewildered, as he slowly resigned himself to his fate.

Until his father had made this harsh threat, Percival had even considered running away and giving up his wealth and status. Now, he realized his father would merely have him hunted down and killed, if he tried to do this now. Rather than face certain death, young Percival decided he’d try to fake his way through what his father demanded and do the best he could, but only so he could continue to live. By making this concession, it was definitely not to make his father happy or a sign that this was something he wanted or was looking forward to.

Once Prince Percival finally acquiesced to his father’s wishes, the king invited the neighboring king and his daughter to his castle for a betrothal party, at which time the two monarchs jointly announced the couple’s engagement. When the big day finally arrived, Prince Percival was at least happy to see that the princess he was expected to wed wasn’t homely, although the beauty of women never much appealed to him. From what he could tell, she also seemed relieved and pleased with the way he looked as well. The two even appeared to get along just fine, at least in public, although the princess had no idea that Prince Percival would rather bed another boy than her.

After a year of courtship, the wedding was held, with much pomp and circumstance. The ceremony was followed by a great deal of feasting, wine and merriment, and when things began to wind down, the couple retired to the prince’s bedchamber. From that moment on, nothing followed a typical post-wedding ritual. First of all, the prince had no desire to get undressed in front of his new wife and absolutely no wish to see her naked. Although they both eventually got undressed and then slid into bed together, nothing more happened that night, except that they exchanged the type of kisses that one might give a close female relative.

Neither of them said anything about this the following day, since they were both too embarrassed to admit it. The prince even tried to explain his lack of interest in his bride by telling her that he had merely consumed too much wine, which had made him incapable of performing his husbandly duty. The thing was that he had no idea how the situation was going to be any different later that evening or any other evening thereafter.

After about a week of avoiding sexual contact with the princess, the prince eventually discovered that an adequate amount of wine, coupled with his vivid imagination, proved to be sufficient to allow him to finally consummate the marriage. After imbibing several goblets of wine, the prince imagined that he was sharing his bed and making love to his male friend, so was able to have intercourse with the princess and removed at least some of the doubt surrounding recent events. Although this worked that evening, the prince wasn’t sure how long he could keep up this deception.

When nearly a year had passed after the couple had exchanged vows, and with only a handful of incidents of sexual contact between the pair during that time, the rumors began to circulate about the reasons the princess was not yet with child. Since she felt everyone was putting most of the blame on her, the princess confronted the prince about this issue. That’s when he finally admitted the truth about his sexual interests to her.

“It is not that thou are unattractive, but I have never been drawn to the fairer sex,” the prince admitted. “Although I have never knowingly made a conscious choice in the matter, I have always found other males much more appealing and my desire is to make love to them instead.”

The princess immediately became upset and started to weep, but she also wanted an explanation.

“If that be the case, then why didst thou offer to wed me?” she demanded.

“It was not my choice and our marriage was arranged by my father and yours,” the prince replied. “I had told my father about my desires, but he cared not about what I wanted and forced me to agree to the betrothal and wedding. If I had refused, then he said he would have had me killed as a traitor, rather than bring shame upon the family.”

“Although I might be able to understand what thou art saying, we are still expected to have many children, since we are now wed,” she reasoned. “How will we do that if thou doth not wish to make love to me?”

“I have tried and will keep trying, if that is what thou desires, but I believe it might be best if we made a request to have our marriage annulled,” Prince Percival suggested.

“But our joining was arranged to bring peace between our kingdoms,” she stated. “If our marriage is annulled then I believe my father will wage war against your father.”

“That may be, so we’ll need to explain it to them carefully and in a way they’ll understand,” the prince offered. “Or wouldst thou rather remain in a loveless marriage that benefits neither of us and brings you great pain? Wouldn’t thou rather we explain this to our fathers and pray that they see reason?”

“My father is not a reasonable man and will react in anger,” she announced. “He will feel he has been duped and betrayed.”

“My father is not a reasonable man either, but he knows that I be not attracted to you or any other female,” the prince replied. “Doth thou have a brother that could possibly wed one of my sisters, so they can prevent a war?”

“My brothers are both much older and already wed,” she explained, “so what you suggest is not an option.”

“I don’t know what to tell you then, other than that we can either keep up this charade or admit the truth,” the prince offered.

“But how would our fathers explain this to everyone else, without losing face?” she wondered. “My father is a proud man and I imagine yours is too.”

“True, but they can just explain we were incompatible or that I have an illness that prevents me from becoming a father, for I have heard there are several maladies that can cause such problems” the prince suggested. “I will then abdicate my claim to the throne, which I’d prefer to do anyway, and allow my elder sister to rule in my stead.”

“Then what will thou do?” she asked.

“I will leave with my friend and go somewhere we are not known,” he stated. “We will then be able to live as we want, although I know I shall not fare nearly as well as I have until now.”

“Then why art thou willing to give up so much?” she wondered.

“It is because I must go where my heart leads,” Prince Percival answered. “I cannot be other than who I am.”

When the princess eventually agreed that doing this would be preferable to spending a lifetime with someone who had no interest in her, she pledged to tell her father. Since he was back in his castle, she promised to have one of her ladies-in-waiting deliver a letter to him explaining the situation when one of them went back to visit her family. She would word the missive carefully, in an attempt to lessen her father’s adverse reaction.

On the day Prince Percival was informed that the person who would be delivering the message was about to leave the castle, he wrote his father a letter of his own. It not only informed the king about the princess notifying her father about the situation, but Prince Percival also used it to formally abdicate his claim to the throne. Once the message had been composed, young Percival left it in his room, plainly visible upon his mattress, and then slipped out of the castle with his friend.

The two of them hurriedly took off for parts unknown, since Prince Percival knew his father would not take this well. The king might even seek retribution for what he would ostensibly see as an act of defiance, and possibly even as treason. Since his life was in danger, Percival and his friend moved rapidly and did their best to travel unobserved, as they made their way out of his father’s kingdom.

When King Menepholes received his daughter’s note, he was furious and immediately took a contingent of his finest warriors to retrieve her. After she had exited through the castle’s gates and joined up with him, but before they rode off to return to their kingdom, King Menepholes declared his intention to return later and wage war against King Percival. He felt it was the only way to avenge the grave insult that had been heaped upon his family.

When King Percival went to young Percival’s room, he found only the letter and concluded he had severely underestimated his son’s reaction to being pressured into marrying the princess and following him to the throne. No matter how well intentioned his reasons for doing this may have been, the king learned an invaluable lesson. Much too late to benefit him in this matter, he discovered that it is much easier to eliminate a dragon’s lust for treasure than to make a person go against the instincts imbued by his genes from birth. Forcing the prince into this loveless and unwanted marriage had been a tragic error in judgment for the king and one that both kingdoms were now going to pay for in blood.

THE END