New Brother - 3. Chapter 3

I woke up at six on Saturday morning. With everything that I knew was going to happen that day running through my head, I just knew that I wasn’t going to be able to force myself back to sleep. Sighing reluctantly, I dragged my protesting body out of the bed and headed off to the bathroom to have a shower.

As I stood there, letting the water cascade over my head, the upcoming day’s events continued to dominate my thoughts.

Mum and Dad would be holding an early-morning family conference – family plus one, as I expected Adam to be involved as well. I wasn’t sure of exactly what they were going to cover, but I was certain that it would be all centred around Adam and why he’s with us. I hoped it wouldn’t go for too long, as I needed to meet up with Liz at eleven to fill her in on what’s been going on.

A momentary flash of anger consumed me as I realised how many lives are being disrupted, simply because Adam thinks he’s gay. His family has been turned upside down, with his father disowning him and kicking him out. Who knows what effect it’s been having on his mother and big sister!? I don’t really know what happened between then and last night but now my family is being completely changed by this one little thing.

It took awhile for it to sink in, but I accept that Mum and Dad are really just concerned for Adam’s health. I don’t know how he knew, but Dad realises that Adam is a major suicide risk, and Dad’s doing everything he can to prevent that from happening. He hasn’t made any comments yet on Adam being a poofter, but with a bit of luck, settling that issue will be part of the family conference. I can’t see him letting Adam act poofy while he’s staying with us.

The one I’m most surprised and worried about is my little brother. He seems to have lost all sense of perspective. He doesn’t seem to realise that until Adam gets over being gay, he needs to be careful. I honestly think he doesn’t understand the problem of having a poofter sharing his bedroom. It’s one thing for him to offer support to someone who’s potentially suicidal, but it’s a completely different thing to offer himself up as temptation to someone who wants to do unnatural things to him! I had tried to talk to him the night before, but he just shut me out and wouldn’t listen to reason. All I can do is keep an eye out and try to head off trouble when I see it approaching.

It’s obvious that Randy doesn’t know any of the stories I’ve heard from the older guys at school. Gay guys just aren’t to be trusted. Some of the Catholic guys make comments about burning in Hell. I’m not strongly religious, but put together with the other things, it all adds up to the fact that you just can’t trust poofters. I don’t recall any conversations here at home on this topic. The issue of homosexuality has just never cropped up, at least in my earshot. Is that why Randy isn’t reacting properly? He hasn’t heard Mum and Dad tell it as it really is and he hasn’t learnt at school yet how to watch out for himself. The teachers certainly don’t mention it. It’s one of those things that you have find out from the other guys.

Later today, I’m going to have to drag my girlfriend Liz into this mess, and there’s another person being affected! I need her help to turn Adam back into his normal self. Hopefully, she can find a girl who can sort out Adam and save him.

Realising that I didn’t know how long I’d been under the shower, I quickly drew my contemplations to an end. The last thing I wanted at the moment was to get into trouble for using up all the hot water, or worse, draining the water tank. Unlike the city and town folk, we don’t have water piped to our property, and have to live off rainwater -- when we can -- or pump water from the nearby creek, and that water is always brown, even after we run it through a filter.

As I dried off, my mind wandered forward to the basketball game coming up late in the afternoon. Recalling my decisions of the night before, I wasn’t even sure I’d be playing. I would ask Adam if he wanted me on the same team. Anger raced through me again, as I thought about being forced to ask permission to play in the team that I helped start, just because Adam thinks he’s gay. Now he’s potentially disrupting the team with his behaviour!

Returning to my room, I decided to pack my basketball gear into a bag so Dad could take it to the game for me, in case I ended up playing. That way I wouldn’t have to take it with me when I went to see Liz. I didn’t really feel like carrying a bag around with me all day – the day was going to be stressful enough without that!

As I finished up, I found myself curiously reluctant to head down to the kitchen. If I didn’t leave my bedroom, the day wouldn’t really start. If the day didn’t get started, then maybe I wouldn’t have to go through it. Sighing sadly, I shook off my reluctance and headed off down the corridor.

As I started down, an anxious thought occurred to me. Backtracking, I went past my room to my brother’s. With a feeling of trepidation, I looked into his room. As my eyes adjusted to the gloom, I breathed a sigh of relief. I had been afraid that I was going to find Adam and Randy together or otherwise in a compromising position, but they were in separate beds, and Adam was still wearing most of the clothes he had had on the day before. It really did look like he had just collapsed and my parents had put him to bed still dressed. Tiptoeing away I headed back down to the kitchen.

Surprisingly, I wasn’t the first one there. Finding Dad standing at the kitchen window staring out across the nearby paddock while the coffee brewed, I stepped up to join him.

Glancing at me for a second before returning his gaze to the window, Dad spoke quietly to me, “It’s mornings like this that make me understand why I enjoy living out here. Unless we’re lucky, most of us live in a high-stress world where the concept of lying back and taking life at a slow and steady pace has been replaced with a high-speed drive to a destination that’s often out of date by the time we get there. But looking out this window, I see no evidence of that lifestyle. All I can see is peaceful countryside with a small mob of kangaroos grazing in the distance. Kangaroos are synonymous with Australia throughout the world, but most Australians rarely see one in the wild. We get to see them regularly. I’m part of the high-stress world five days a week, but on weekends I can usually stop and just appreciate life. I can switch off from the high-speed lifestyle, even if it’s only for a while.”

Without diverting his gaze, he sighed and put an arm around my shoulders. “I know I don’t say it a lot, but I’ve been very proud of how you have grown up. You’ve always been a polite and considerate boy. You’re now growing up to be a polite and considerate young man. The situation with Adam is going to put a lot of pressure on you and your brother – pressure that I wish you didn’t have to bear. All I can ask is that you don’t lose focus on what is really important. There will be some pain to go through, I’m sure of it, but please don’t abandon Adam just because the going gets tough.”

Glowing internally with pride at Dad’s words, I turned my gaze outwards and focused on the scene that he found so relaxing, and replied, “I’m sorry for last night, Dad. I said things that Adam should never have heard. Later, when I was sitting down at the dam, I realised that Adam needs someone to talk to more than anything else right now. Someone who will just listen. After what I said to him, I'm afraid that I can’t be that person – it will be too long before he trusts me enough again. I don’t think it’s fair, but I think Randy is going to have to be that person. I just hope he’s strong enough, for Adam’s sake.” I paused for a second as my dad turned to look at me. “I think I still have a role to play, and I’ll do what I have to, but I’ve made the job harder. I’m sorry.”

Looking back at Dad, I saw a soft smile form on his face. He looked like he was going to say something, but then he grabbed me in a hug, instead. “Thanks, son. I knew I could count on you.” Letting me go, he grinned at me. “How about I cook us some omelettes for breakfast?”

“You’re on!” I replied enthusiastically, my previous melancholic mood dissolving away. “I’ll pour the coffees while you’re cooking.”

By a mutual unspoken agreement, Dad and I spent the time before the others woke up talking about anything but the issues of the day. We both knew that what needed to be said had to be said with everyone there. Speaking about it before then would just be counterproductive.

Normally, breakfasts on the weekend are not really family affairs. Randy and I usually sleep in for as long as we want to -- it’s not unusual for me to get out of bed just before lunchtime -- and just get ourselves something to eat when we're up. Mum is often up early with her horses. As it turned out, she had also been up before me. She came back into the house just after Dad and I had finished our omelettes.

Looking up, Dad grinned at her. “How was your ride this morning?” Rising from the kitchen table, he walked over and gave her a quick peck on the lips.

“It went well. I’m still having a bit of a problem with the canter on the left rein, but he’s going well. I’m happy!” she smiled back.

Seeing how relaxed the two of us were, she added. “Something smells nice. Can someone cook me some while I take a shower?”

“Another omelette coming up!” Dad laughed.

For the first time since Tuesday morning, Adam woke up relaxed. There had only been one nightmare during the night, and Randy had been there to push it away. Somehow, he had instinctively known that the only medication Adam needed was to know that someone still cared for him. Adam realised that Randy must have held him until he had fallen back to sleep.

Frowning slightly, Adam pondered the differences between the two Johnson brothers. Everyone knew they weren’t really twins, but they had always seemed so much alike, it was easy to fall into the trap of thinking they would always react the same. Last night had been a rude awakening in more than one way. Adam just didn’t know what to think about David. He hadn’t had any idea on how any of his friends would react to the news of his being gay, but David’s reaction had been so far from what he had expected or feared that his mind had responded by almost retreating from reality . All that had really saved him was the support he had received from the rest of the Johnson family. Randy, in particular, had become a rock that he could cling to.

Rolling over in the bed, he saw Randy still sleeping in the folding bed that had been added to the room. Raising himself up on one elbow, he looked at his comforter from last night. For the first time ever, he contemplated Randy as a person in his own right – not Giant, not Stick’s brother, not the year 8 student from school, but just Randy – a unique individual. He was startled to realise that Randy had grown up a lot over the last year. Not just physically – that part was always shrouded by his nickname – but in character. His actions last night had hinted at a deep well of compassion hidden in that large frame.

Letting his head fall back onto the pillow and staring at the ceiling, Adam contrasted Randy with David. David also had that wellspring of compassion – he had shown it openly in too many ways over the last couple of years for Adam to deny it existed. But something had happened to taint it. Why couldn’t David show the same compassion to Adam that Randy had?

Adam lay there for a while, trying to resolve what was likely to happen that day. He would need to be honest in order to gain the support of this family. The first order of business would be to inform them of what had happened since Tuesday, when his Dad had discovered that his only son is gay. That would lead into them learning that Aiden, Gary, and their families also knew.

The sounds of Randy stirring ended his contemplations. It was time to get up and face the music.

It was obvious that everyone knew that the morning was going to be special. Randy and Adam came in for breakfast just after 8 a.m. – normally ridiculously early for a Saturday. I flinched when I saw Randy grimace with disgust as he caught sight of me. He was still obviously harbouring ill feelings to me for my comments from the night before. And then I flinched again when a flash of pain crossed Adam’s face before he looked away. I had some serious fence mending to do that morning. I sighed, knowing that I had better get started on it -- waiting wasn't going to make it any easier.

I had just started to rise when I felt my Dad’s hand on my arm, gently restraining me. I glanced at him surprised, when he whispered quietly, “Wait a few minutes – he’s just walked in. Let him get a cuppa before you say anything.” Realising the sense of that, I nodded my thanks, and settled back into the chair.

Watching Randy and Adam make themselves cups of tea -- my brother has never been a strong coffee drinker -- I felt a pang of jealousy when I saw them having a quiet chuckle together at something Randy had said. I had never felt more excluded in my life, and knowing that the pain was largely my own fault didn’t help. The sooner I could get Adam off the idea of being gay, the sooner things could all go back to the way they were before.

I suddenly had an idea to begin to thaw relations. “Adam and Randy, would you like me to cook you breakfast this morning? We’ve all had omelettes, but if you prefer, I can cook bacon and eggs for you.” I waited hopefully for a favourable response.

Randy and Adam looked at me in surprise, before each turned to see how the other was reacting. Randy raised an eyebrow at Adam as if asking him what he thought, to which Adam simply shrugged. A long second passed while I held my breath, before Randy turned to me with a smile.

“Thanks, David. I'd like that. Can I have an omelette please?” He turned to Adam. “What would you like?”

Still refusing to look at me, Adam replied without enthusiasm, “I'll have an omelette, too, if that's okay.”

That was a start, even if it was a small one.

As Randy and Adam ate their breakfast, I got more and more nervous. I was trying to decide how to start my apology. Just come out and say it? Ease into it somehow, and if so, how should I start the conversation? Should I wait until they have finished eating, or should I start while they're occupied? Glancing around, I saw my Dad smiling at me encouragingly. As he caught me eye, he nodded at Adam, as if to say that now was the time.

I had intended to look Adam in the eye when I apologised, to show how sincere I was, but when it came to the time, I found I just couldn't do it. With a downcast face, I began.

“Umm... Adam? I just want to say I'm sorry for what I said last night. I went way over the top, and I'm sorry about that. I didn't think of what it was that you were going through, and I'm afraid I just made it worse for you.” Looking up, I saw Adam staring at me with a stony expression. “I'm happy for you to stay here as long as you want to, and if you want me to keep out of your way, I'll do my best. I'll even drop out of the team, if that helps. Please forgive me?” I ended, pleadingly.

Everyone was silent as they waited for Adam's response. Never letting his eyes leave mine, Adam put another forkful of omelette in his mouth. Chewing slowly, his stony expression altered into a flickering series of emotions that went by too fast for me to read. As he finished his mouthful, he cleared his throat. The look he finally gave me was filled with more sorrow than I thought a person could bear.

He began softly, loaded with raw emotion that tugged at the soul. “Do you have any ideas of how much pain you put me through? I've been searching since Tuesday for a place I can be safe and try to start sorting out my life. I could have accepted not being able to stay because your parents wouldn't let me. I could even, reluctantly, accept you wanting to put a little distance between us.” The anger and volume rose steadily as he continued. “But to have a good friend reject me so instantly, so absolutely -- that gutted me. I felt like my insides were being ripped to shreds. I had been caught in a torrent that was carrying me from everything I knew. I THOUGHT I had found a lifeline to keep me safe, and then you went and cut it. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW CLOSE YOU CAME TO FUCKING KILLING ME?” he ended up screaming, tears pouring down his face.

Randy put his arm across Adam's shoulders, and Adam finally broke the lock on my eyes as he turned to rest his face on my brother's shoulder. With Randy holding him like a protective guardian, Adam continued in a quieter and sadder tone, “No, I can't forgive you. Not yet. It's too early. Once I have my feet back on the ground -- maybe then, but not now.”

I felt all energy drain from my body as I slowly collapsed into a nearby chair. It was worse than I had expected. Now it was my turn to be rejected, my turn to feel gutted. What could I do now?

I rose slowly to my feet and started to shuffle off slowly towards my room. “Okay, then. Best of luck with the game this afternoon,” I said, resigning myself to leaving the team for Adam's sake.

“Stick, wait!” was Adam's surprising response, as he turned away from Randy to face me. “If anyone quits the team, I think it should be me. I don't know if we'll even have a team if I try to play,” he continued in a wistful tone.

“What do you mean, Adam?” queried Mum.

“I need to tell you what's happened between Tuesday and Friday,” Adam responded, still with that same wistful tone. His eyes seemed to lose focus, as if he was viewing scenes from his memories. “There are things that happened that you all need to be aware of.”

“Tell us whatever you feel comfortable with, honey,” was Mum's supportive response. “You don't have to tell us everything now if you don't want to.”

Adam shook his head. “If I don't say it now, you'll probably hear it from others, and I want to make sure you understand what has happened.”

There was a long pause while Adam appeared to gather his thoughts. No one made a sound. The only one to move was Randy, who squeezed Adam’s shoulders again in support.

Eyes still unfocused, Adam began to speak. There was almost no emotion in his voice. It wasn't a case of having no interest in the story, but more as if he was walling the emotions off because he wouldn't be able to talk if they broke through.

“The story properly begins almost two years ago, when I slowly realised I’m gay. All my friends were starting to notice girls, but I just couldn't understand the attraction. At first I thought it was just that I was a late developer, but when I found myself looking at boys in the same way they seemed to view the girls, I knew that I was different. It was another couple of months before I could put a name to what I was feeling.”

My mind reeled when I heard that. Two years ago! He's considered himself gay that long! I had been thinking that this was a recent thing. I started to feel uncomfortable about my plans to make him straight again. I didn’t think it was going to be as easy as I had first thought.

“I went into denial for a long time. I tried to get myself involved with a girl to prove to myself that I was normal, but I just couldn't do it. I tried looking at porn on my computer, but that did nothing for me either. I only really began to accept what I am a few months ago -- just before Christmas.”

I could see I needed a backup plan straight away, but I was getting a sinking feeling that I might be fighting a losing war. It sounded like Adam had already tried everything himself.

“Since then, I've been discretely surfing the web, trying to work out how to cope. What to do, and what not to do. Sorry to say, I hadn't gotten very far when I got caught.”

He paused and took a sip of his then-cold cup of tea. He grimaced slightly at the taste, and continued.

“At the end of last week, Dad was made redundant at work. Naturally, this made him bitter, and he started taking it out on the rest of us. Mum was very supportive for him, and she seemed to be able to control his temper, but without Dad's wage, she had to work longer hours. This meant that she wasn't there a lot to buffer Kelly and me from Dad. Kelly took the simplest solution -- she just spent more time at Uni or with her friends. With a license and car, she has that option.” He paused. “I don’t,” he added sadly.

Brushing a tear from his eyes, he continued.

“It seems that Dad knows more about computers than I had suspected. I thought I had been careful about removing the cache and history from my web browser, but somehow he discovered that I had been visiting gay web sites. When I got home from school on Tuesday night he was waiting in the living room. A nearly empty bottle of Jim Bean was on the side table next to him. I looked at him, puzzled, when I saw this, as he's not usually a big drinker. Then he looked up at me.” Adam's lips started to tremble, and his hands began to shake. “I had never seen such a look of contempt, disgust and anger in my life.”

He dropped his eyes down to meet mine. “You came close to that same look last night, Stick,” he added callously, letting his voice show some of the anger he still felt towards me.

I cringed and looked down at the table. I didn't want to see the look of hatred and sense the feeling of betrayal I knew would be there if I looked up.

“'So my poofter son has come home,’” Adam imitated his father. “’Well you can just turn around and leave again. You are no longer welcome here.'” He then returned to the same deadpan delivery he had been using for most of the story. “I was stunned and didn't move. He then proceeded to tell me how he had found gay porn files on my computer, and if that's what I liked, I could do it somewhere else.

“I started to go to my room, but he jumped up and yelled at me to get out. After taking one look at the expression on his face, I fled. I went to a nearby park, where I sat in shock. I don't know how long I was there, but when I came to my senses, it was already dark.

“Having nothing with me but my school bag that I had somehow grabbed automatically as I fled, I knew I needed to get back into the house to get some of my things -- clothes if nothing else. I waited at the park until I thought it was after midnight, and then crept back to the house. I used my key to unlock the back door and crept into my room. It was a mess. The computer monitor had been smashed and my CD collection was all over the floor. My various trophies and other stuff had been scattered everywhere, most of them broken.

“I grabbed my duffle bag from the closet and started to throw clothes into it. I had worked out that my best chance of getting somewhere to stay until my dad calmed down was through school, so I made sure I packed enough school clothes to last me to the weekend, plus a handful of other clothing. I picked up the little bit of cash I had in my room and then crept back out of the house. At the time, I thought I'd be back once Dad had a chance to calm down.

“I was wrong.”

By this stage I had looked back up, and I could see the effort it took for him to say those last three words without breaking down. I doubt I could have if I had been in his shoes.

He took a couple of deep breaths and then continued.

“I stayed at the park until the sun came up. After grabbing a donut and coffee at the local shop, and trying to clean myself up as much as I could, I waited for the school bus. I was jumping at every sound, as I half expected my dad to show up at the bus stop so he could have another go at me.

“Once at school, I made arrangements to stay with Aiden that night. The only reason I chose Aiden was because he was the first one I saw that I felt comfortable asking. After school we headed back to his place. Once there, I tried ringing home to see how things were. Dad answered the phone. He sounded calm and sober until he found out who was on the other end of the call. Then he blew his top. He told me never to call there again. He said I’m not his son, and he will deny having a son to anyone who asks, and then he slammed the phone down. When Aiden came back into the room he saw me shaking and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I had problems with my dad, but I didn't tell him why. Everything was fine until his dad got home late that night. His dad rang my dad, and the shit hit the fan. He called me a poofter and told me to get away from his son. I obviously didn't move fast enough or far enough for him, as he slammed a fist hard into my left arm. It's still sore. I was allowed to sleep on the floor of the living room, but it was made very clear to me that I had to be out of the house at dawn. Aiden was told to go to his room and not to come out until I was gone. I still don't know what Aiden thinks of me. He has avoided me at school for the rest of the week.

“The next night, I stayed at Gary's. I tried a different story, but Gary's mum still ended up ringing my dad. She was at least a little sympathetic. She came back in to Gary and me and said that my dad had said I’m a homo. She then asked me if it was true. I wanted to deny it, but I couldn't. I admitted that I am. Gary got a look of horror on his face. His mum said that I could sleep on the couch that night, but I needed to find somewhere else for the next night. At least they gave me breakfast the next morning. Gary came in while I was eating, but after one look at me he turned around and went back to his room. His mum dropped both of us off at school that morning – yesterday morning -- but Gary hasn't said a word to me since he learnt I’m gay.”

He looked around at everyone, his eyes brimming with tears.

“So you see, over half the team now knows I'm gay. David, Aiden and Gary all hate me. If I drop out, you'll still have seven players. If I stay, we might only have five. Less if Break, B1 or B2 freak out when they learn.”

I jumped in quickly before anyone else could comment. “Ads, I'm happy to have you in the same team as me. I thought you wouldn't want me in the same team as you. If you can put up with me, I'm more than pleased to play with you.”

My dad came in next. “Adam, I think you should play. More than anything else, I think you need some normality. You've been playing basketball with these guys for years now. You were talking earlier about wanting a lifeline. Basketball is one of your lifelines. Playing today will take your mind off things for an hour or so. Not playing is just going to make you dwell on it more.”

Randy added, “You can't keep running, Ads. Too many people know, and it looks like your dad is telling everyone who asks about you. You can face up to the issue, or wait for it to hit you when you don't expect it. We'll all be there with you. Please play?” he pleaded.

Adam sat there for a moment, his mouth half open. He looked uncertain as he gazed around at everyone's encouraging faces. I tried to give him a smile to show that I supported him, but he only glanced fleetingly at me. I looked down at the table as the smile fell from my face. After Adam's story, my mind was going back to mush. So many assumptions I had built the previous night’s decisions on looked to have been founded in quicksand. I was no longer confident in the direction I was planning to take.

As the silence dragged on, Mum brought it to a close. “You don't need to make a decision now. You can decide this afternoon, if you like. In the meantime, would you like another cup of tea? That one’s gone cold.”

Adam smiled at her. “Yes, please,” he said, and then started to giggle. I looked at everyone and they all looked as puzzled as I was as to the reason.

“What is it Ads?” Randy asked, concerned.

“Never mind,” Adam replied, still giggling. “Let’s just say that I'm feeling a lot better having had a laugh to finish that off with.” Calming down, but still smiling, he continued, “Is there anything else we need to discuss?”

“Actually, yes, there is,” Dad replied, still puzzled, but obviously willing to put that aside for the moment.

Mum said from where she was making another cup of tea, “Once you've finished your breakfast, can you put your dirty clothes into the laundry basket for me? I'll get them started before we go shopping.”

“Shopping?” Adam asked, surprised.

“Yes. From what you've said, I don't think it's a good idea for any of us to go to your house and ask for the rest of your clothes, so we'll need to buy some new ones. Unfortunately, I don't think Randy’s or David's clothes would fit you very well, so you can't borrow theirs,” Mum replied, examining him with a critical eye.

“We can't get the other important things done until Monday,” Dad added.

“What things?” Randy asked curiously.

“Well, the first thing we need to do is to get a lawyer to write up a letter that appoints your mum and me as Adam's guardians.”

He looked inquiringly at Adam, “I’m assuming that you’d like to stay here. Is there anywhere else you would prefer to go?”

“Home,” Adam replied forlornly. “But I don’t think I can do that.” He glanced at where Mum was smiling encouragingly, before turning back to my dad. “Yes, I’d like to stay here if you’ll have me.”

Smiling his acceptance, Dad continued, “Okay, once we have that letter, we then need to get your mum and dad to sign it. Once we have that, we can sort out other things, such as school, health insurance, etc. I don't know how hard that is going to be, but if your dad stays the way he's been going, he'll hopefully sign it without any qualms.” He then frowned at Adam. “I'm less sure on how your mum is going to react to the request. You haven't indicated what she feels about this. Do you have any ideas?” he asked gently.

Adam looked nervous. “I honestly don't know. I tried ringing her at work on Thursday night, but they said she wasn't there. I think she'll sign a guardianship letter, because she can see that it would be good for me. But I just don't know!” he finished, distressed.

As I watched, pained at anyone having to consider whether or not their mum still loves them, my mum crossed over to where Adam sat and took him into her arms. He was going to have one good mum, at least.

I suddenly noticed Randy glaring at me across the table. I was wondering why, when he spoke to Adam, “Hey, I hope it all goes well, as it'll be nice to have a new brother around here. Especially as the last one I had turned out to be a homophobic prick,” he added cruelly.

“Randy! Watch it or you'll end up grounded,” my dad growled. “There is no need for that. David is trying, and we don't need to have you sniping at him from the sidelines.”

I was glad Dad jumped in then, because I was speechless. I’d never heard Randy be so cruel and heartless. I couldn't work out what had brought that on, when a disturbing thought popped into my mind. I tried to push it out, denying it as a possibility, but it wouldn't go away. Could he be overreacting because he was trying to defend his boyfriend? No, it couldn't be -- if they were boyfriends, Adam would have come straight here on Tuesday night. And Randy told me last night that he isn’t gay. But that was before they shared a room last night. Could Adam have corrupted my little brother that quickly? Surely not! But...

Just then the phone rang. Glad for the distraction from my thoughts, I jumped up. “I'll get it,” I yelled.

“David speaking,” I said as I picked up the phone.

“Hi, Stick, it’s Aiden. I'm trying to track down Adam. Do you know where he might be?” Aiden was speaking softly, in an almost furtive manner.

I thought for a moment, then shrugged. The news would get out soon enough. “Sure! He's here with us at the moment. Do you want me to get him?” I asked.

“Thanks! But only if he's free now. If he's busy I can give you a message for him,” Aiden replied, still whispering.

“Okay, I'll get him now.” I walked back to the table. “Ads, it's for you. It's Aidy,” I said in a neutral tone.

Adam took the phone nervously. “Aidy?” he quivered. As he listened, his face became calmer and happier, before suddenly becoming nervous again. “Thanks, mate. Thanks for everything. See you later,” he finished with a smile.

He sat for a moment, staring at the fresh cup of tea that my mum had put in front of him while he was on the phone.

“Ads, what is it?” Randy asked quietly.

Adam stared at the cup for a moment longer and then looked up at Randy and smiled. “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that Aidy is cool with me. It's not going to be a problem with him.” Then he frowned. “The bad news is that because of me, his dad is going to be at the game this afternoon. He tried to pull Aidy out of the team, but Aidy convinced him that it's just a game and that he doesn't need to do that. Instead, he's going to start going to the matches to ensure that 'that bloody poofter doesn't try anything'. Aidy's concerned that he's going to mouth off in a big way. If he does, I'm going to be outted to everyone who's there. It'll be all over school by Monday,” he finished, apprehensively.

He looked up. “As you said earlier, Randy, I can't keep running. The word is going to get out sooner or later,” he quietly stated. “My only decision is do I let it out today when I know it's going to happen, or wait for it to leak sometime later.”

Thinking for a second, he set his face into a resolute mask. “Giant... no, David,” he started, turning to face me, “can you please try to contact Gary to find out how he feels about me playing today? I might as well try to find out now rather than wait until just before the game.”

“Sure!” I replied, then queried, “But why do you want me to do it and not Giant?” I could see Randy echoing the question in his mind. I also noticed that Adam called me by my name instead of my nickname. I was afraid to ask whether there was an ulterior motive for that.

Looking away from me as if he didn't want to look at me more than he had to, he answered, “Because if Gary reacts badly I think you'll handle that better than Randy. Giant's just as likely to blow his stack at him if he comes over as homophobic, which will just make things worse.” Turning to my dad, he continued, “Mr. Castle, I know B1 and B2 often get a lift to the games with you. Are they going to do so today as well?”

My dad smiled. “Firstly, you can either call us Yvonne and Kevin, or hopefully, Mum and Dad. And, yes, Brett and Brian will be getting a lift with us to the game.” Raising his eyebrows, he asked, “Why did you want to know?”

“Can you ask them to come over early?” Adam asked hopefully. “If I can tell them before we leave and give them a chance to think about it, that will leave only Break to tell at the stadium.” He pondered for a second before shaking his head. “No, it's better to do it face to face, and not over the phone,” he finished, as if to himself.

When no one stepped forward to continue the conversation, I headed to the phone. “I'll try to call Gary now.”

Standing with the phone in my hand, I stopped to gather my thoughts. Given Adam's determination to not hide, I don't think there is anything I need to avoid saying, so a simple question should suffice. Okay, here goes nothing...

“Hello?” a female voice answered the phone.

“Hello, Mrs. Loveridge. It's David Johnson here. Is Gary home?”

“Just a minute,” she replied, before calling out, “Gary! Phone!”

“Hi, Gary speaking,” came Gary's voice after a few minutes.

“Hi, Gazza, its Stick. How's things?” I asked, suddenly nervous. I didn’t know how to get onto the desired topic.

“Pretty quiet at the moment. I've got some chores to do before I can head into town. Do you want to catch up?”

“Sure. I'm meeting Liz at about eleven at the coffee shop and then staying for lunch before heading off to the game. If we're not at the shop, we'll probably be down by the racetrack.”

“Sounds good to me! I'll see you then. Is that all you called for?” he asked.

“Actually, no,” I began. “Uh... I understand Ads stayed at your place on Thursday night,” I continued nervously.

“So?” was the cold response.

“He stayed with us last night, and he's told us about everything that has been going on. He said that you know that he's gay. Is that right?” I asked tentatively.

“Go on,” was the non-committal answer.

“We just want to know if there’s going to be a problem if Ads plays in the game today. Are you okay with that?” I asked nervously. Gary was certainly making me work at this.

I waited for the answer. “Gazza?” I said after a few seconds.

“Just thinking. Give me a minute or so,” was the neutral response.

It was a long minute. On the plus side, it wasn't an outright rejection. On the minus side, he obviously had grave concerns. At least he was thinking about it seriously.

Gary's voice sounded over the phone suddenly, “Who else knows he's gay?”

“My family, and Aidy and his family,” I replied. I thought for a second, then added, “But we suspect that it's going to become common knowledge pretty quickly. He's planning on telling B1 and B2 before the match, and Break at the game, so they find out before the rumours start.”

“Hmmm,” was the only response I received to the news.

After another long minute, Gary finally answered the original question. “I don't mind Ads playing. Anything else we'll play by ear. You can tell him that I wish him luck, but I don't know if I can support him when he gets in strife. Sorry,” he finished in a regretful tone.

“Thanks, Gary. I'll pass that on. Will I still see you in town?”

“Probably, but don't wait for me, just in case. See you later, Stick,” he finished.

“Okay, see you soon,” I replied before hanging up.

Returning to the kitchen, I gave Adam a smile as I walked back to the table. A look of relief flooded his face as he smiled in response.

“Gary's fine with Ads playing,” I announced happily, but then frowned. “Ads, he said to wish you luck with everything, but don't expect him to be able to support you. He said to say he’s sorry.”

Adam's mood faded visibly as he absorbed the news. Then, shrugging, he replied philosophically, “I'll take a neutral friend over an active enemy any day.”

“Okay, everyone. Let’s get moving. We have a lot of things to do this morning,” Mum piped up in the silence that followed Adam's statement. “Adam, go get your dirty clothes, and then let’s go shopping!” The enthusiasm that Mum put into that last statement brought a smile to everyone's face.

“Can you drop me off in town on the way through?” I asked. “I'm meeting Liz at eleven.” I then turned to Adam, “Is there anything you don't want me to say to her? I sort of promised last night that I’ll fill her in on what’s going on,” I added apologetically.

“I'm not running anymore,” Adam replied resolutely, though still without looking at me. “You can tell her anything you want. Just ask her to check with me before she starts telling anyone else. I'd like to have some idea of who knows and who doesn't.”

“Okay.”

As they headed off shopping, Adam felt a sense of empowerment. With the support of the Johnsons, he was beginning to take control of his life again. It would have been nice to have had the option to controlling when he was outted to everyone, but he was beginning to feel that he could survive the trial by fire that was approaching. Realistically, he knew it wasn't going to be easy, but he had some support.

Randy had mentioned some web sites that he and his dad had found the night before. Adam resolved to check them out that night. As a thought hit him, he changed his mind. That afternoon, after shopping, he had better check out what tips there were for handling verbal abuse. That was going to be the first priority. He’d check the rest out later.

It was half past ten when Mum dropped me off in town. Yarra Glen is the closest town to us, and is located just outside the northeastern suburbs of Melbourne. While there are enough things there for most shopping trips, for what Mum was planning to buy, she was travelling the extra distance to the Chirnside Park shopping centre in the Melbourne suburbs.

I decided to fill in some time looking in one of the antique stores that abound in Yarra Glen. Now, antiques are not my favourite cup of tea. Indeed, I'd have to say they are so far down the list that they rate only slightly above watching paint dry. However, my Dad's birthday is coming up next month, and I still had absolutely no ideas on what to get him. Since I had to fill in some time, I thought I'd wander through one of the stores and look for inspiration. As I'd already tried the tractor, hardware and automotive stores on earlier trips, I was beginning to get desperate.

Unfortunately, inspiration hadn't struck by the time I had to head off to the coffee shop. Yarra Glen does have more than one coffee shop, but there is only one that the school kids hang out at. So when we say “the coffee shop” it’s obvious which one we mean.

I hate being late for anything, so I wasn't surprised to find that I had beaten Liz there. Sitting down at a corner table where we'd be able to hold a semi-private conversation, I started to worry about what I was going to say when she showed up.

Ten minutes later, still in a confused, dazed state, I was startled when Liz settled into the seat next to me.

“Twice in two days! You really are slowing down, Stick,” she teased with a smile. However, when she spied my confused expression, the smile slipped. “What's wrong?”

“I thought I had it sorted all out last night, but this morning everything went crazy again. I just don't know what to do anymore,” I said, dejectedly. “I hope you can help me work it all out.”

“How about starting with what is going on?” she asked gently. “You told me that Adam's been kicked out, but not why. What's he done that made you say that his dad might have been justified in kicking him out?”

Trembling, I told her, “His dad found out that Adam's gay.”

She sat still for a moment as she absorbed what I had said.

And then she slapped me.