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grahamsealby

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About grahamsealby

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  • Age in Years
    80
  • Gender
    Male
  • Sexuality
    Gay
  • Favorite Genres
    Thriller/Suspense
  • Location
    MORNINGTON
  • Interests
    Romance, historical, mystery

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    gsealbe@gmail.com

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  1. grahamsealby

    Chapter 50

    Thanks. I really appreciate your nice comments. Not sure I'm worthy of your accolade. Again, could I ask what story you're reading? It's a problem with GA, when people comment there isn't a reference to a particular story.
  2. Happy Birthday!

  3. HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎉

  4. Happy birthday, Graham!

  5. grahamsealby

    Chapter 29

    Wow, I must be a dinosaur. The scenarios you make sound very complex. I'm one of those Neanderthals who have one partner and don't indulge outside the relationship. But wait, I'm also a flawed human and if I was presented with an opportunity to indulge knowing my partner would never find out . . . as I said I'm only a shitty human. You obviously have had much more experience than me so I'll defer to your greater knowledge. You've given me food for thought and I can see opportunities to use your scenarios in my own writing. Thanks for sharing with me. I'm also nearly finished reading your story about "Angel'.Once again great writing.
  6. grahamsealby

    Chapter 29

    As I understand the world, it's perfectly normal to have three people as close friends. It's only when sex is introduced that problems ensue. Watching the one you love have sex with someone else can lead to feelings of betrayal. I stress 'the one you love' because three persons indulging in casual sex doesn't give rise to emotional trauma. By making Aria asexual you've avoided any emotional conflict. Am I right?
  7. grahamsealby

    Chapter 29

    I simply love your writing. We're taught that 'conflict'is the essence of a good book. From the first chapter until the last you managed to maintain subliminal conflict. The story was indeed a page turner. Conventually, loving two people at the same time is a bit unrealistic, but somehow you created a taste of possibility. I love the way you use dialogue to keep the story moving. I've used extensive dialogue in my own writing because it's the only way to develop a character. Well done
  8. grahamsealby

    Chapter 21

    We have an Italian based Mafia operating out of the NSW state. Some vocal anti-mafia crusaders have just simply vanished. It was very active in the 1950s when we had a large influx of Italian immigrants. Both the Roman Catholic Church and the Mafia were drawn together in that period and subsequently had a disturbing impact on Australian politics. Thanks for reading - I hope you enjoyed.
  9. Thanks again. Could I impose and ask what happened with your Dad? I've had several heart-wrenching comments from people who've had similar experiences to mine, but not one from, let's say, the other side of the coin. I've never had the guts to ask my own kids how they felt about me; too scared to know the truth. Just a moment of time . . .
  10. grahamsealby

    Chapter 21

    It's a sad inditement on the American people that 46% still believe the bible is literally the word of god. In this environment, fundamental christianity thrives. If you have time I'd like to hear about your experiences. Sharing backgrounds, I believe, is a healthy and interesting use of time. Again, thanks for reading.
  11. 21.1 While he waited, Tony glanced at the murals on the coffee shop walls. The theme was of sand and ocean, appropriate to the location near the surfing beach. The whole atmosphere of the place induced relaxation and this is why he sat idly and unnecessarily stirring his coffee. It was a beautiful day outside, the sort of day that makes you feel good to be alive. After this I’ll contact Ryan to do some surfing. Not bad, not bad. Tastes like real coffee, not the new instant coffee currently available. I’ll have to ask what blend they serve, so’s I can get some for home. (taking a sip). Still can’t fathom the phone call, she were real mysterious. I guess I’ll know soon enough. I reckon . . . ah, here she is. Clare Seaton waltzed into the shop, and recognizing Tony, smiled broadly as she advanced on his table. Still smiling she sat and arranged herself comfortably. “(Pleasant) Thanks for meeting me Tony, I know it’s short notice . . . (interrupted by the waitress) Oh, just a cup of coffee please, with a small portion of milk . . . (Tony also asked for a refill) . . . now, where was I . . . Oh yes, asking to see you at short notice; I hope I haven’t inconvenienced you, Tony?” “(Gracious) No, not at all Clare . . . Oh, is it alright I call you Clare? (she nodded) Thanks. It’s school holidays so I’ve more free time on my hands. So then, what did you want to talk about?” “Well, it’s about Ryan (Tony nodded). He’s just come home from National Service and he’s got some silly idea in his head that he should leave me . . . ah, I mean leave home. I was hoping you could use your influence to stop him. He doesn’t know much about the outside world because I’ve spoiled him all his life. He’s always had his washing done, food on the table, and a happy nurturing environment at home. In a way I’ve been too good to him, so now he thinks . . . She’s got to be kidding! Does she really believe what she’s saying? From what her husband and son tell, she that creates misery in the house. She obviously can’t separate fantasy from reality. She needs to see a shrink. . . . so now he thinks he can just leave home and enjoy the same comfort he took for granted at home. You, being a mature adult, can surely agree it’s not in his best interest to leave m . . . I mean, home.” Tony was about to respond when the waitress returned with their coffees. They both stayed silent as the waitress fussed around them. Eventually, “Clare, why are you telling me this? Surely this is a matter between you and Ryan. I don’t know why you want to involve me. In actual fact, I think Ryan starting out on his own is a good move. He wants to stay with me, and I thought you’d be happy because you know me. I moved out of home when I was his age, so I can’t see the problem. Sorry.” “( Edgy) So you’re happy that he would come and stay with you? You’ve talked to him behind my back?” “(Hurriedly) NO, not behind your back. He asked me if he could stay with me and I said yes. I didn’t know I had to have your approval.” “(Irritated) I’M HIS MOTHER! (taking a sip of coffee) Of course, he has to have my approval. It’s usual for a boy to stay with his mother until he meets a nice girl and gets married. Then, and only then, can he leave home. Most times the new couple stay with parents until they’re financially able to cope on their own.” “(Laughing) My oh my, Clare you don’t know your son at all. I know absolutely that Ryan will reject your scenario outright. He’s not a docile baby boy anymore. You should get to know him better.” “(Livid) HOW DARE YOU! How dare you sit there smugly and tell me I don’t know my own son. Remember I carried the boy in my womb for nine months which establishes a bond . . .” “(Calmly) Now lets . . . (sipping coffee) not get carried away with that nonsense. I mean, what’s you carrying him in your womb got to do with the subject? Ryan’s old enough to know his own mind and you can’t stop him because he’s of legal age.” “(Ominously) Can I ask what is your relationship with my son?” “(Cautious ) Relationship? You know what is our relationship. We’re friends, good mates. Why do you ask?” “(Dispassionate) Well, I’ve heard it being said around the Surf Club that you two seem to share more than just simple friendship (Tony went to interrupt) no, please let me finish. You can surely see why people are edgy (again Tony tried to butt in) no, I said let me finish. After all, you’re much older and he’s just a young boy. Such a situation is sure to cause concerns.” “(Furious) Concerns, concerns with whom? I’m not gonna get involved with nasty gossip and troublemaking. If people have something to say, then say it to my face. On that note, no-one has accosted me about my friendship with Ryan. No-one! You listen to too many frustrated old women who have nothing better to do than dream up lies to do harm.” “(Menacingly) So I understand you’re not going to talk to Ryan and discourage him about leaving m . . . Umm, home?” “(Fuming) NO! On the contrary I’ll encourage him to move out as soon as possible. You should take time to think about yourself Clare. I heard Bill’s moved out and now Ryan wants to. Can’t you understand it’s you who’s the problem? You’ve literally driven your own husband and son away. You make life so miserable for people around you, the first chance they get is to distance themselves from you. Before you start criticizing others, have a good look at yourself, Clare.” “(Outraged) HOW DARE YOU! (Bristling) How dare you infer it’s my fault. (Fuming) What a low-life you are Tony Gordon. You’ve corrupted my son and now try to make the fault mine. I can’t believe it. You’ve seduced him to come live with you so you can satisfy your carnal needs. Don’t deny it . . .” “(Hostile) Deny it? Of course I deny it. What a foul mouth and foul mind you have, madam. You’re almost talking libel. Just because you’re terrified of being alone you can’t then stoop to castigating another person’s reputation. You call me a low-life. Take a good look at yourself, madam, before you call anyone else a low-life.” “(Scowling) At least we know where we stand. I’ve asked you with all civility to dissuade Ryan from sharing your home, and you simply won’t. (Tony nodded vigorously) Well that makes it all easy for me. Now you should listen very carefully. If my son comes and lives with you, I’ll let it be known that you’ve used your senior age to seduce a younger man to carry on a disgusting illegal relationship and satisfy your carnal desires. I’m prepared to denounce you to the Education Department, the Surf Club, and the police. I’ll even place an ad in the local newspaper. Whilst I have no direct evidence, your relationship has already raised questions, so my notice will simply give credence to rumours. The mud will stick and you’ll never retrieve your good name. You’ll be labelled a pervert wherever you go. I’m also prepared . . .” “(Outraged) THIS IS BLACKMAIL! (Startled, other customers looked towards the voice source) You’re blackmailing me! I can’t believe you’re blackmailing me by threatening to use harmful and untrue stigma against my character. You would stoop so low to get your way with Ryan?” “(Nasty) YES! Yes, I would. You’re now my enemy and I’ll employ anything to stop Ryan living with you. I’ll give you one week, ONE week you hear, to tell Ryan he can’t live with you. If after that you haven’t stopped him from living with you, I’ll simply carry out ALL my threats. Of course if you report this to the police, I’ll simply deny we had this conversation. The ball’s in your court mister.” “( Disgusted) God what a horrible person you are. Full marks to Bill for leaving you. Madam, you bring discredit to mothers everywhere and you’re a disgrace to Australian womanhood. GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!” “(Arrogant) Gladly, I’ve said my piece and it’s now up to you . . . mister.” Smiling evilly, Clare Seaton sailed out of the coffee shop and didn’t look back. Apparently Tony was to pay the cheque for both of them. For several moments Tony sat there and reflected on the conversation. He had no illusion that she wouldn’t make good on her promises. His mind was in turmoil. Fuck’n hell. What a bitch, no that’s being unkind to bitches everywhere. She’s a simple nut-case. Now I understand what Ryan’s had to contend with over the years. The poor sod. The problem is she’s hit on the truth without knowing it. We can’t afford to have anyone probing into our relationship, because if the truth comes out she’ll be exonerated. Then both Ryan and I would be charged with conducting an illegal relationship and end up in jail. I’ve got to talk to Ryan now. What on earth are we to do? <><><><> 21.2 “ . . . she means it, Tony. When she wants something, she won’t let anything stand in her way. Take it from me she’s capable of great evil to get what she wants. Bloody hell! BLOODY HELL! How could I continue to live with that evil bitch?” “(Morosely) Well, we have a week before she says she’ll carry out her threat.” They were sitting in Tony’s loungeroom on two easy chairs facing each other. When Tony finished telling him about the meeting with his mother, Ryan fell into a gloomy depression. He felt ill. “(Stiffly) So she’s given us a week you say (Tony nodded sadly). Well, what good is that gonna do? I mean she’s holding all the cards and there’s nothing we can do. (sigh) After this, I could really kill her . . . “(Alarmed) NO! Stop that! I won’t hear you talk like that. I understand you’re upset, hell I’m upset too, but we can’t do anything to make the situation worse, y’hear? (Ryan reluctantly nodded) A week’s a long time, but (sighing) right now I don’t have a solution to offer. For the time being, we have to give in to her and let her believe she’s won.” Ryan sat quietly shedding silent tears. Suddenly the elation he’d been enjoying this past week had been completely ruined. Now he really did hate his mother; just the thought of going back to live with her filled him with despair. There didn’t seem any way out. “(Mystified) What concerns me is her claim that people are talking about our relationship. I haven’t had any adverse comments, have you?” Ryan jolted himself out of the stupor he’d sunk into. When Tony related that part of his mother’s commentary, he’d been baffled. “No, no I haven’t. No one’s come to me questioning our friendship. Of course folks have complimented both of us, well particularly you, in helping me with me Life Saving certificate and passing the Year 12 exams. They know about my bloody home-life and were impressed I’d been successful. That’s the only comment I’ve had.” “Yeah, same here. I thought my profession being a teacher would provide adequate cover for us. Who on earth is she talking about? Who’s been questioning our relationship?” “Argh, probably no-one. Sometimes she makes things up hoping she won’t be caught out lying. (long pause) You’re saying I have to knuckle under, stay home, and let her think she’s won, is that it? (Tony nodded abjectly) Maybe I can, maybe I can. I’ll have to think about it, mate. That’s not worrying me as much as the ‘getting married to a nice girl’ bit. It frightens me thinking about what leverage and pressure she’d apply to make me get married. That doesn’t bear thinking about. OH, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT. I’m trapped, I’m running out of choices. She’s gonna win, and that tastes like the bottom of a bird-cage.” Silence. Tony could see Ryan was on the verge of tears, and he couldn’t blame him. Clare Seaton was plainly evil. “I can’t say I know how you feel because I’d be insulting you if I did. What I can say is we’re gonna win in the long run. Look at this as a war. Now she’s won round one, she’s won this battle but not the war. Don’t you ever forget my love for you boychik. I’ll not rest until we’ve crushed yer mother completely. Sure, in the short term, you’re gonna have to bite the bullet, but I’ll find some way of defeating her. That I can promise.” “I’ve never doubted you love mate, and don’t you ever doubt mine for you. Thanks for being positive. I like your analogy to a war and her only winning round one. I like it, but at the same time, I dread having to go back and live with her. I’m almost inclined to tell her I’m a poofter. I know that’ll hurt her and hurt her bad. It’s . . .” “(Hurriedly ) Not now, it’d be counterproductive to say anything now. If you did, she’d have all the ammunition she needs to literally put the final nail in your coffin. No, not now. Of course she’s gonna have to find out some time, but let’s choose a time and place that suits us. Say, what about yer Dad? Is there any way he could help us now?” “I dunno. On several occasions the thought’s crossed my mind that I should just move in with him, but that wouldn’t solve our dilemma would it?” “No, no it wouldn’t. She wants you at home with her and she’s relying on me to force the issue. I don’t believe going to yer dad’s new place would resolve our problem. She’s clearly targeting you and me, or should I say blackmailing you and me, to keep you at home. She’s got complete leverage with me and no leverage with yer dad.” “(Tonelessly) I guess yer right, fuck’n right. I’m not thinking clearly. “That’s Ok. You’re the victim here and I don’t blame you for being muddled. This whole situation is unique . . . uniquely evil. (Pause) I wonder if she realizes how close to the mark she is. I’m talking about you and me having a love affair. Things are just falling too nicely for her, I can’t help but wonder if she has a smokin’ gun? Is there anyone who knows about you and I?” “Nah, the only people that know are me mates from Nasho and they wouldn’t tell me, mother. No way! No, she’s inadvertently used the truth even though she doesn’t know how accurate she is. No, we have to assume she’s just guessing.” For a long time the two lovers just sat quietly in the gathering gloom trying to deal with an awful situation. There would be no foreplay today. Eventually, “Tony, I’d best get going. I’ll go home and give her the silent treatment. That’s the only ammo I have. Tomorrow I’m gonna go bush to my favourite spot and think about what’s happened this day.” With that, Tony stood up, crossed over to where Ryan stood and gave him a big bear hug. With both men, tears were close by. “Ok, boychik, we’ll talk again tomorrow. Keep yer chin up, we’re not beat yet. I have a germ of an idea but I need more time and thought before giving it any serious consideration. <><><><> 21.3 The next morning Ryan found himself at his private bush spot. The previous night had been hard. He’d not spoken a word to his mother and rudely ignored her attempts at conversation. When she started whining, he went into his room and closed the door. Now with the weight of the world on his shoulders, he added solitude to his misery. “SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!” The expletive resounded through the silence of the bush. In fact, he luxuriated in the stillness because he could truly vent his feelings without retribution. He suddenly found himself at a crossroad in life; a decision had to be made about where his life headed. Without a doubt, this turned out to be the worst time of his young life. Of course, there really wasn’t a decision at all, because there were no acceptable alternatives. Looking back on these past years, it still mystified him how events had shaped his journey so far. There had been heartbreak and some funny occasions but over-all his life had been miserable, well only miserable until he met the man of his dreams; Tony Gordon, the man who undoubtedly conquered his heart. And now all that was in jeopardy. “FUCK! SHIT! FUCK!” He didn’t deserve to be in this position because he was a good person and hadn’t done harm to anyone; well except for his defensive scraps with the likes of Bert Cree. His half-brother Bert Cree. He’d survived a morbid family life and along the way, had acquired close friends. A victim! OH Yes! A victim of social rejection, of legal persecution, and negative home life. It had been a long time between laughs. However, If you plotted all these negatives on one side of the ledger, they were easily compensated by his sex life. It could be said that he’d experienced too much too soon, but what the hell, it felt bloody good. He couldn’t understand why society viewed the sex act with such condemnation. “BLOODY STUPID FUCKWITS!” Of course he referred to the Catholic Church as the main culprit. It seems God wasn’t satisfied to let his flock enjoy their bodies – which apparently he’d personally designed – he only smiled on sex that produced babies. Of course it had to be conducted only in an approved manner and position. Heaven forbid! They even used a calendar to determine when to do the act. “CRAP!” Sadly now he was digressing and slinking away from decision time. An awful decision, that could not only fuck up his life but others as well. Y’see that’s what they don’t understand, if he had to take the most obvious path, the line of least resistance, then the consequences which flowed would cause irreparable harm – to all. Sighing, Ryan absentmindedly used a stick to draw a happy face on the soil. Then in a fit of anger he slashed at the image and erased it. She holds all the cards don’t she. If she acted on her threat against Tony – and I’m convinced she will – Tony’s life and reputation will be shattered. Even though she has no hard proof, there were always plenty of gossipers who would give credence to the rumour. Tony’s spot-on by letting her win Round One; in fact it’s vital she thinks she’s won. My childish goings-on last night will only aggravate the mess we’re in. I’ve gotta make her believe she’s won . . . completely. For now. I can see why leaving and going to live with dad wouldn’t satisfy her. The only leverage she has is against Tony, she doesn’t have anything to pressure my dad. So that’s it then. I’ve gotta endure the unendurable and make happy with my rotten mother. Well, until we can find another approach that’ll get her off our backs. (sigh) Fat chance! That night he confronted his mother whilst she cooked dinner. Ryan almost lost it as she turned to face him with a look of infuriating smugness. She knew! “Well mother dear, I give in. You’ve won. I’ll stay here with you until I find a nice girl to marry. Already I feel sorry for her, because having you as a mother-in-law will be very distasteful. Happy now?” “Oh don’t be like that son, I’ve only have your best interest at heart. You’ll see, you and I can have a comfortable happy life together, that is until you meet a nice girl. When you do, I’ll be able to advise you as to whether she’s suitable. Now come and eat your dinner. Afterwards, we can sit together and listen to the radio.” And so Ryan went to bed that night and cried. He cried until his exhausted body succumbed to the need for sleep. In another room his mother found peace for the first time in several days. “I’ve won! It’s all been worth it. I’ll have my son with me until he decides to get married. Even after that I’ll insist . . . no, insist is too strong a word . . . I’ll suggest that he and his bride should stay with me. Oh, won’t it be so good to have another female in the house? Dearie me how I’ve longed for some feminine company. Even having my mother took away the loneliness of being the only female in the house. And then of course grandchildren . . . hopefully granddaughters. (sigh) Wouldn’t that be wonderful? And I’m still relatively young aren’t I? I still have some of my youthful allure. What would it be like to have (naming a local football star) thrusting deep inside me? OH GOD, I just know if I touch myself down there I’ll orgasm. . . . OH DEAR, I CAN’T HELP IT . . . <><><><> 21.4 Because she was out back in the laundry room, Clare didn’t hear the doorbell. However little Gus did, and he began to bark loudly and boisterously. Going out to see what the fuss was about, she managed to hear the doorbell. Still yapping excitedly, Gus preceded her to the front door. When she opened she received a pleasant surprise. Standing there was a young attractive policeman, imparting a wide friendly smile. His gleaming police badge, attached to his gun belt, was prominently displayed. All at once her juices began to churn as she stared in dumb confusion at the young man, who then introduced himself. “Mrs Seaton? Mrs Clare Seaton?” “Ahh Yes . . . Umm . . . I’m Clare Seaton. GUS, (calming the dog) Gus quiet, quiet. That’s Ok . . . good dog, good dog.” “I’m Constable Jake Andrews from Manly Police Station (pointing to his belt badge) and I wonder if I could have a quick word with you. That’s if it isn’t too inconvenient?” “(Hastily) No, NO, of course not! Pardon my manners, would you like to come in?” Goodness gracious, he’s a doll! “Yes, thank you. That’s very kind of you.” “Come follow me, we can talk in the kitchen. I . . . err . . . would you like a cup of tea?” “I would, yes I would. Thank you. Once again you’re very kind.” As she led the constable into the kitchen she made sure her hips swayed suggestively. “(Pointing to a chair) Now sit yourself down and tell me to what do I owe this pleasure. I hope it’s nothing serious?” “(Laughing) NO. no, please don’t be alarmed, it’s only a small matter. (smiling broadly) I know policemen can be intimidating at times, so I won’t take up too much of your time. I’m talking to all the people in your street.” “(Flirting) Well then take as much time as you need; what healthy young woman wouldn’t appreciate spending time with an attractive young man such as yourself.” “(Smiling broadly and showing a row of perfect white teeth) Why thank you, it’s nice of you to welcome me into your home. I must commend you in keeping your household looking immaculate. My compliments.” “(Getting flustered) What a lovely thing to say. These days young people don’t appreciate the time and effort required to keep everything clean and tidy. Of course, keeping house doesn’t take all day, so I try and keep myself active in other ways. I seem to have plenty of free time to . . . well, you know.” The last was delivered with a frank look that transmitted a silent message. “(enjoying herself) Now . . . Jake? (he nodded) . . . yes, Jake; do you have your tea with milk and sugar?” “(Pleasantly) Thank you. Yes, just a small milk and two sugars, please. I’m afraid I have a sweet tooth. I can demolish a box of chocolates in one sitting if so tempted.” “(Giggling) Oh my, It’s such a pleasure to serve a handsome young man such as you. Usually all I have to talk to is boring old housewives. I get sick of listening to their whinges about husbands, children, and other acquaintances. Here, let me get you some cookies I’ve just baked. I’m sure you’ll like chocolate biscuits[1]. “(Congenial). I think you’re trying to spoil me . . . and I love it.” With the water boiled, Clare made tea and then brought the teapot, cups, spoons, plates and cookies to the table. She smiled seductively (well, what she thought as being seductive) at the officer and proceeded to be ‘mother’[2]. When finished, she sat back and, “There, there you are, just as you wanted, a drop of milk and two sugars. Just help yourself to the cookies and if you want anything else . . . (giggling suggestively) just ask.” “(Smacking his lips) Oh my, these chocolate cookies are bloody marvellous. My mother used to make chocolate cookies for me and I thought them the best, that is until I tried yours. They’re delicious.” “It’s so gratifying to be complimented. My own family hardly ever says thanks for anything I do, whether it be cleaning, cooking, or washing their clothes. Sometimes it makes me so mad at their lack of appreciation.” “(Sympathizing ) Well, I find that very disturbing. In my job I’m invited into other ladies homes and I can tell you, if prizes were to be awarded, you’d surely win first prize.” “(Gushing) Why, thank you. Now, are you married constable? Do you have any family?” “No ma’am I’m not married. I haven’t found a girl yet who satisfies me. Fact is I don’t like girls, (pause) I like mature women. Perhaps I’m being too hard to please, but I prefer to wait until the right lady comes along. I’m still young so I’m not pressuring myself to find a life partner. I still live with my mother and will do until I eventually get married. I suppose I’m a bit old-fashioned.” “Oh no, no, your not old-fashioned, that’s the way it should be. A lad stays with his mother until he’s old enough to choose a girl to marry. I think you’re very wise.” Taking a sip of tea to wash down the last of a cookie, the constable smiled at Clare, who returned the expression. She was enjoying herself immensely and wanted the liaison to last as long as possible. Then the Constable put down his cup and in a low casual voice, “(Softly) Now Clare, you’ve been a naughty girl haven’t you?” “(Excited) Naughty? Oh I suppose so. Life’s too short not to have fun, particularly when it comes to sex . . . Oh, I hope I’m not embarrassing you. I love giving pleasure and have learnt many ways to enjoy sex, particularly if you have a willing partner who . . .” “(Conversationally ) Hmmm, you misunderstand. The naughtiness I’m referring to is your attempt to blackmail Mr Tony Gordon. Now that’s what we call being very naughty.” Suddenly, Clare’s mouth became dry, and she looked at Jake in confusion. All of a sudden, the room felt very, very cold. “(Gawking) Huh?” “(Firmly) You met with Mr Tony Gordon on (naming a day and date) and proceeded to blackmail him.” Icy fingers seemed to encircle her heart which began to beat rapidly. “(Uncertainly) Huh? What . . . what are you talking about? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “(Firmly) Alas Clare, you do. We both know you threatened to blackmail Mr Gordon, and I’m not going to debate the issue with you. I’m hoping to convince you to abandon such action completely. As you’ll find out, it isn’t in both yours and Tony’s best interests to continue. Now, have a sip of tea and try one of your wonderful cookies as you consider my request. I’ll wait.” Silence. Pause. Over the original shock, Clare began to get angry. “(Hostile and voice hard) So, as I now understand, all that honeyed talk was just to get me vulnerable. Well, you’ve really shown your true colours, eh? Who are you to come into my home, posing as a policeman, and make demands? (Harshly) I repeat, who are you? Furthermore, you don’t know the circumstances that forced me to confront that poofter, Tony Gordon. Who are you, his lover?” “(Laughing) Please don’t get angry. It’s my hope we can conclude this matter quickly and congenially. (Opening both hands as a friendly gesture) There’s no need for undue emotion. Let’s discuss the matter as two mature adults.” By this time Clare had fully recovered from her original shock. Inside she seethed with fury. “(Sputtering) Don’t you dare tell me how I should react. (Raising her voice) I REPEAT, WHO ARE YOU? You’re not a cop, so who are you? I mean, you ingratiate yourself into my house with flattering words, then revert to the poisonous bastard you are. Answer me!” “(Amiably) I’m afraid you don’t understand the situation you’re in. You don’t have any need to know who I am, only that you’ll suffer unpleasant consequences if you insist on threatening to blackmail Tony Gordon, and through him your son, Ryan.” “(Enraged) BULLSHIT! I’ve got every right to demand he keeps away from my son. If he won’t then I’m entitled to use any, I repeat any measure to force him to leave my son alone. (Irate) He’s a criminal and must be treated as such. You’ll see, I’ve got the law on my side.” “(Gentle) Yes we realize that. If you did wrong and could be punished by the existing legal system, there wouldn’t be any need for people like me. It’s precisely because you have the law on your side that makes us necessary.” “(Mystified ) And who is ‘we’?” “(Relaxed) Who are we? Well, just an organization which operates outside the law to provide natural justice. Now I don’t want to get into a debate, because your case has been investigated, and all that remains is to have you desist blackmailing Tony Gordon. I suppose you could regard my visit as a warning. So, what’s your decision? Will you abandon your blackmail attempt?” “(Shouting)) NO, NEVER, EVER! I mean why should I, eh? My son has already told me he’s going to stay home until he sets out to get married. So I’ve already won, haven’t I! WHY SHOULD I BACK DOWN? That queer doesn’t want to make an enemy of me because I’ll see him in hell before . . .” “( Friendly) Fine. Yes, it seems your blackmail has worked and you’ve got your way. Hummm? You’ve achieved this by threatening certain actions which would have unpleasant and unforeseeable consequences for our client. What we‘re now asking is you that tell Mr Gordon you l will no longer apply any pressure if he doesn’t comply with your demands. Are we clear Clare? “(Ridiculing) You’ve got to be kidding! Now you’re being stupid. Having won the issue and achieved my objective, why on earth would I then turn around and remove the threat, Eh? And furthermore, the law can’t charge me with a blackmail attempt, because I’ll simply deny all knowledge of the matter. It’ll be his word against mine. He can’t prove anything!” “(Pleasant ) Yes, I agree. However, you still don’t seem to understand, Clare. Our discussions, and what I’m about to outline, will never come before the authorities because we don’t operate within the law. Instead, we operate outside it and thus are able to implement a wide range of punishments not envisaged by the law. You must try and understand this because it’s very important you do. Umm, by the way, may I have another cookie, they really are very good?” “(Sneering) Have as many as you like; I hope they choke you. To me it ain’t a complicated situation, it’s very clear cut. I threatened that poofter teacher with certain actions if he didn’t distance himself from my son. I also stipulated that my son must stay with me until he gets married. (Smirking) Now both have seen the error of their ways and gave in. My child is not associating with that pervert and has agreed to stay at home with me. Simple! (Sniggering) And now you want me to undo all that and tell the paedophile I won’t take any further action if my demands are not met. In other words, to go back to the original situation. Have I got this right?” “(Enthusiastically) Yes, yes! That’s it completely. Well done. Now when will you advise Mr Gordon that you’ve changed your mind?” “(Contemptuous)(Shouting) NEVER! NEVER! WHAT ARE YOU STUPID? NEVER . . . NOW GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!” “(Ignoring the outburst) (sighing) Well, that’s a shame. I had hoped you’d be reasonable and think of other people rather than yourself. If you’re so determined to maintain your blackmail then we have to decide on an adequate punishment for you. You see every action we take has consequences. Are you prepared to accept the consequences of not lifting the blackmail stipulations you imposed on Mr Gordon?” “(Sneering) Consequences? What penalties could you dredge up that would make me tell that creature that I won’t make good on my threats? What consequences indeed, HA?” Pause and silence. Jake stared into Clare’s eyes and softly replied. “We have to kill you.” A cold wave of fear struck Clare. Whilst she heard his words; she could hardly accept they’d been said. “(Shocked) Wha . . . Wha . . . what did you say?” “(Calmly) I simply said that as you refuse to remove any blackmail threat on Mr Tony Gordon, we’ll have to kill you. Sorry, I thought I’d made myself clear.” On hearing the words again Clare began to panic, really panic. He was threatening to kill her. Her heartbeat soared, and her hands became clammy. This couldn’t happen, not in this day and age. It was . . . barbaric. Then, “(Uncertainly) Oh I see, you’re joking. Well, let me tell you (gasp) I don’t appreciate such humour.” “(Solemnly) Oh, let me assure you I’m not joking. Whether you believe me I couldn’t care less. I repeat, unless you cancel the blackmail against Mr Gordon, we will kill you. I’ve done this many times in the past and found the same scepticism as you have presently. This disbelief lasted only up until the person died.” Something in the man’s voice, his body language, and his eyes told Clare he meant what he’d said. Suddenly she’d become very afraid. Deep within, the fear became an icy knot in her stomach. Her hands began to tremble and her mind numbed with the knowledge. She was too frightened to cry. Then Jason continued, “(Conversationally) And there’s more. We used to exhume buried bodies and desecrate them by throwing them on a garbage dump. We don’t do this anymore because we found a better alternative. (Clare sat immobile fearful to hear the rest) Now we simply wait until a headstone is erected and slash insulting messages across the gravestone calling you a slut, or a criminal, or an adulterer. We have someone watching for any attempt to remove the insults. If this is done we simply repeat the original process until such time as the game ends with a permanent insulting message marked on your memorial stone. We’ve found this process to be very effective. Very!” Suddenly Clare found voice, “(Shrieking) NO, NO, NO. Noooooooo! PLEASE, PLEASE, DON’T KILL ME! I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY. I . . . I . . . DON’T WANT TO DIE, PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME DIE!” “(Calming) There, there little one. You’re in a bit of shock. You believe me, don’t you? (Her head nodded enthusiastically) Ok, so all you have to do is contact Mr Gordon and tell him you’re withdrawing any threat of blackmail. Ok? (once again she nodded willingly). We’ll give you a week because this has been a shock and you need time to recover. If at the end of a week you haven’t contacted Mr Gordon and told him you’re lifting the blackmail threat, the sentence of death with be carried out. You’ll have no prior warning. Also, if at any time in the future you carry out your threat on Mr Gordon, that will automatically mean your death. Do you understand? (in abject misery she nodded her compliance) Good, good. Now I’ll take my leave and leave you with your thoughts. If it’s Ok, I’d like to take a few cookies with me to share with my people. Is that Ok?” She didn’t register his going. One moment he was there, and the next, gone. A strange numbness had embraced her, and she sat unmoving for about half an hour. Eventually, the numbness disappeared and she was able to function again as a human being. Well, sort of. So now she started to cry. The reality hit hard as she faced her terrors alone. She lay her head down on the table amongst the tea trappings and sobbed, and cried, and sobbed, and cried – until she could cry no more. She had come so close to her own mortality. There existed no doubt that Jake, whoever he was or represented, would carry out his threat to kill her – and deface her tombstone. Of that, for some strange reason, she had no doubt. Even after he’d left, even after all the crying, even after she resumed some semblance of normality, she was extremely frightened. In the late afternoon she’d recovered most of her faculties and poured herself another cup of tea – without the cookies. Her course of action was clear and she determined to do it without delay. Picking up the phone, she called Tony Gordon. <><><><> 21.5 “Say that again, please. I think I heard right, but I can’t comprehend. It’s too good to be true. Is this some kinda trick?” “No, (laughing) I related exactly what she said. Obviously, she had a hard time telling me; it musta hurt a lot to tell me, to me face, that she was wrong and apologized for any harm we suffered. Who could believe, Eh?” Ryan and Tony were sitting in the beer garden on the day after he’d met with Ryan’s mother. The meeting with Clare stunned Tony. The fact that she’d backtracked on the original threat so suddenly, meant the contact he’d made early-on had been successful. He’d not been told what was about to happen, only that the matter was now out of his hands. The organization was so secret, very little by way of detail was known. Perhaps it was for the best. Then there was Ryan. Telling him about his mother’s turn around would be easy, but if he asked the obvious question ‘why’, what to say? “(Probing) Why? It don’t make sense. I’d already told her she’d won and had in fact reconciled meself to getting married to satisfy the bitch. Now you tell me she just up and went back on her blackmail. It don’t make any sense. Do you? I mean does it make sense to you?” Silence. “Look I’m going to tell you something. I can’t give you any details, or me own life will be in danger – real danger boyo. (Ryan sat forward busting with curiosity) I happen to know of an organization that operates outside the law. All I have is a contact number and little else. You don’t want to know more about them because they’re dangerous and amoral – totally unprincipled. I suspect they’ve contacted your mother and threatened punitive action were she to proceed to threaten me – us. Let’s not ponder on the ‘why’ and ‘how’ because we’re free sexy man, we’re now free to live together forever and fuck together forever.” Ryan sat back on hearing Tony’s words as thoughts came crashing around him. Holly shit! I’m free! We’re free! I don’t haveta go back and live with the shrew. Suddenly, I can see a great light at the tunnel’s end. Yeah! I can live with Tony, fuck with Tony and love with Tony. No more fear from mother. I’m so happy . . . Tony watched Ryan digest the news and could see the elation writ large all over his face. At that moment his love for the boy went into warp drive. Elated, Ryan jumped up and strode to the bar for refills. He’d also just heard from the Vet School that the arrangement in place before he went into Nasho was held open for him. This was perhaps the happiest moment of his life. Upon his return the two lovers joyfully contemplated their move together. Somehow small details as what food to buy, whether they needed coffee or tea or both, their favourite meals, what side of the bed they favoured etc, made the reality so joyful. The coming night, for the first time in their own bedroom, would see much activity. But there was one more matter that Ryan had to take care of. Epilogue The day dawned bright and clear with the sun providing a gentle warmth. Perhaps the only good time to visit a cemetery. He now stood before Tommo’s grave, reading the tombstone. TOMAS DAVIS (from / to) Loving son of Shirley and Colin Taken before his time Now at peace. Mate, how I wish you were with me to share my happiness. You sacrificed your young life because you couldn’t endure the pain of living. I’ll never forget what you told me that day in the hospital, “Ryan I want you to promise me you’ll never, and I repeat never, tell anyone you’re a homo. I’m serious Ryan, don’t ever let anyone find out you’re a homo. Look what’s happened to me, my life is over, I’ll be castigated wherever I go. Promise me, as one blood brother to another, you’ll never admit being a fagott . . . promise me, please mate, promise me.” How could I ever forget you Tommo? I’m proud to be your blood brother. I’ve met a beautiful man and we live happily together. Your words still resonate, I’ll never forget your message. Things are still bad for us homo boys but I have to hope they’ll get better. Now you’re gone and my sad is that we didn’t have enough time together. You are the sweetest, kindest, bravest person I’ve ever known. I’ll love you always. In a way you’re eternal because I’ll always remember you in my heart, even in the good times and even in the not so good times. Rest easy mate. I love you. Always [1] A biscuit is another name for ‘cookie’ in Australia [2] An English expression meaning to pour tea into waiting cups
  12. grahamsealby

    Chapter 16

    Wow, married for 31 years. How did you manage? I came out to my wife in my early 40s when I could no longer control my basic sex drive. From the time we were married until I came out [18 years], my life wasn't very pleasant. Yes, I had kids, a mortgage and a good well-paying job, but I knew my life wasn't fulfilled. I eventually settled into a stable and happy gay relationship, but my wife never got over the shock. I felt guilty at the start, but that soon disappeared. Now in my 80s life's great.
  13. grahamsealby

    Chapter 16

    Thanks for your comments. I've tried to make Ryan's relationship with Tony realistic and I'm pleased that you approve. I love getting comments even if they're not positive. Thanks again
  14. 16.1 Another Friday night found Ryan visiting the Surf club ablution block. In the weeks following his first visit, he’d experimented, finding Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday nights the most popular. He’d met the young man again several times and enjoyed the chemistry between them. He still didn’t know the bloke's name and contented himself that they should remain anonymous. The system worked. He’d also become popular because, his good looks, muscled frame, and tanned skin, seemed to attract everybody. This Friday night he eagerly anticipated the erotic games ahead. The weather obliged with a warm balmy night and encouraged a larger than usual crowd. Or perhaps the local beat attracted more visitors because it had a safe reputation. He clothed himself to attract; smaller sized shorts, a white ‘chesty bond’ singlet, and running shoes. He knew he looked ‘hot’ so he entered with confidence and anticipation. Looking around he couldn’t spot his fuck-buddy but noticed a larger than usual numbers of ‘wall-flowers’[1]. With the inside dimly lit as usual, he couldn’t make out features but stood in an exposed section hoping to get noticed. No one made a move which pleased Ryan as he wanted time to explore the offerings. He now had sort of a routine; he’d orgasm early, then stand back and wait while his system rejuvenated itself. This way he could have at least three orgasms each night and leave completely satiated. Then out of the corner of his eye, he noticed movement. A male detached from the wall and came towards him. Although he couldn’t see clearly, he could tell, just from viewing his torso, that this man had huge sex appeal. His heart began to beat, and his mouth felt dry. Closer and closer the man approached until he stood in front, enclosing Ryan in two strong arms as he leant against Ryan’s wall. So transfixed by the sexy, hairy, and muscled torso, he didn’t look up to the man’s face. For several heartbeats nothing happened, but Ryan succumbed to the man’s phen omes, an earthy masculine aroma. He started to look upwards when, “Hello Ryan, I’m glad you came tonight.” That voice, that aroma and of course, the face. Tony! It was Tony standing before him semi-naked. Tony here doing the beat. Tony smiling down at him with that irresistible grin. Tony and Tony’s phenomes. Gobsmacked! It took several; seconds for him to find his voice, “Wha . . . Tony! Tony, what are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here because . . .” “I know what I’m doing here, and now so do you. Look, we’ve got heaps to talk about, and we can’t do it here. Let’s go outside.” Just then a voice piped up from nearby, “Hey yer a lucky guy mate, yon youngster’s a good one. He’s really hot, but do us a favour and don’t spoil him fer the rest of us, eh?” “Noted. Now come with me hot young man. You need punishing, what yer mothers gonna say I can’t imagine” . . .and escorted Ryan outside. Silently Tony led Ryan away without turning to see if he followed. Utterly confused, Ryan meekly obeyed. At the club’s downstairs door Tony hesitated, found a key from somewhere, and let the two of them into the First Aid room. Leaning against a waist-high cabinet he faced Ryan with an evil smile on his face. Ryan continued to look at Tony with a stupid expression on his face. “Well, now you know. (Pause) Yes, I’m a homo just like you boy-chick. Several times I nearly came on to you but hesitated for some stupid reason. I don’t know what made me stay away; I had some silly notion of being your protector, making sure you didn’t get into anything ugly. (Sigh) Silly me. Silly, silly me. I underestimated my feelings for you Ryan because I’ve come to love you very much. You still have a stupid look on yer face. Your turn say something.” Ryan struggled manfully to get over the shock because too much had happened in so short a time. Eventually, “I . . . I . . . wow, that’s all I can say . . . wow! You’re like me, you dig blokes. It’s hard for me to take in all at once. But why . . . why, didn’t you say something before? You let me make a fool of meself. If yer has feelings for me, why didn’t you just come out and say something? You knew I’m queer, so you could’ve declared yerself without any danger? That’s what I m can’t understand. Why didn’t you level with me?” Tony pushed himself away from the counter and gently took Ryan in his arms. “Why? Yes, you have every right to ask why. When I first saw you in the beat, I became elated, then very jealous. Surely It’s no secret I have strong feelings of friendship for you, but I longed for something more. You have no idea how good I felt knowing I had a chance with you. My miserable world came alive knowing the possibility of sharing my body with yours. I dreamt of having sex with you so often I became frustrated. Like you I relieved myself with other fellas. I can only apologise; I guess the depth of my love caused me not to think straight. Then last Sunday my need to tell you, to kiss you, and to have you became demanding. I knew I couldn’t keep the secret any longer. I’m truly sorry, I’ve been stupid.” “Tony, do you know how much I love you? No, you don’t! I love you with every speck of my body. Not just sexually, but something much deeper. Whilst I’m still learning about adult life, my love for you is very real, it’s not something you have to learn, because it just is. I think my Nanna sensed it too. Jesus Tony, I’m gonna cry.” As Ryan began to sob, Tony took him in his arms and turning Ryan’s tear-streaked face upwards, kissed him tenderly. But immediately the dam broke and the two men locked together fiercely and passionately. Nature took hold as frustrated bodies ground together, each wanting to give more than the other. It wasn’t long before both men started to shudder as orgasms overwhelmed them. Still panting they broke apart, realizing what had happened. “(Laughing) Quick get yer shorts off before you stain them. Cum stains are very noticeable. We can give both shorts a wash in the sink.” “(Elated) I don’t care, really, I don’t care. Tony yer the man of me dreams. I can’t believe everything I’ve been fantasizing about has just come true. I don’t really care about the sex because I just love you so much. Here let me clean you up.” With that Ryan dropped to his knees and took Tony’s softened penis in his mouth, suckling, draining, and swallowing any residual semen. Rather than being erotic, it became more an act of love. Now completely nude, they kissed softly whilst mashing their naked bodies together. All Ryan’s woes disappeared with the sensation of melding himself to Tony. With two strong arms embracing him he knew he’d be with this man forever. His love had grown steadily over the past months; like a seed planted in fertile ground, his love grew from a tiny spec to a full-grown tree. From bonding as friends, their relationship grew into love, and physical desire for each other. But the hour grew late and they both knew going home became a sensible thing to do. None the less, “We’ve got so much to talk about, but not now. We’ll meet next Sunday as usual and then map out our future. But one thing is certain, I have to punish you for being such a Friday night slut. Be prepared.” “Tell me when! On that score my body is yours Tony. You own me; anything you want to do to satisfy your needs, I’m prepared, I am, I want to be owned by you.” On that note they went home. <><><><> 16.2 Ryan fretted all through Saturday; it seemed Sunday would never arrive. When he turned up he found Tony waiting and looking incredibly sexy. His running shorts were a size too small and perhaps a little obscene because they showed his buttocks to perfection. Not only that, his muscled legs gleamed with power, whilst his singlet looked sweaty and a little used. Immediately Ryan’s sex drive ramped up several notches. For the first time, they appreciated each other as lovers, not just friends. For several moments they just stared at each other. Two souls were they, two lost souls who’d found each other. Two souls who were experienced in matters sexual and furthermore knew what they wanted. Two souls who wanted just to please, comfort, and love the other person, asking nothing in return. “(Sultry) How come, Ryan, you look so bloody sexy standing there. You can’t imagine how much you’ve captured my heart and mind. (Pause, shaking his head) Many a past night I’ve dreamed simply being with you; I . . . I . . . know what I want from you, but I don’t know how to satisfy your needs. What do you want of me boy-chick, what can I do to make you happy? I don’t know if it’s just the sex, but how can I truly make your life happy? What you see before you is yours. My whole soul, my physical being I lay at your feet. Shit! I must sound like some gushing female, but unless you’re blind I’ve got a fuck’n hard stiffie that needs treatment.” “(Hesitantly) I told you I’m yours forever and I mean it. I want to be your boy, your man, your lover, not subservient but equal. I want to give you pleasure, not just physically, but to be by your side through your emotional up’s and downs. A moment like this probably, if we were sheilas, would require candles and soft romantic music. That’s not you and I. (Frankly) There’s only one activity that’s fitting now . . . and that’s for you to penetrate my body and leave your essence inside. Nothing else will be appropriate for this moment.” Silence. “Let’s go into the First Aid room, quickly. And quickly they did. “Don’t waste time with foreplay Tony, I’ll undress and you do the same. In terms of you and I, treat me as a virgin. I want to remember this moment, this day, this place, and what is about to take place.” With tender haste Tony lined up his cock and slowly slid inside until he could penetrate no further. The heat of Ryan’s body added fuel to his desire, and the knowledge they were pledging each other made the moment so unique. Ryan felt the initial twinge of pain which quickly dissipated as Tony sank further inside. With their bodies finally meshed together, Tony paused, looked down at Ryan, and receiving an affirmative nod, began to thrust. Each lunge brought greater pleasure than the previous and it wasn’t long before they both reached a wonderful climax. Ryan accepted Tony’s seed as reverently as would a Catholic, at communion, symbolically join with Christ’s body. As testament to the wonder of the occasion, their bodies remained as one sharing passionate kisses, even after Tony’s penis lost its power. Gradually they disentangled and just looked lovingly at each other. Fundamentally and symbolically united, the subsequent run proved uneventful. But the day hadn’t ended yet. As they showered, now in the company of other members, Tony suggested they meet as soon as possible. “We have a lot of stuff to talk about (Ryan nodded). How about we meet this arvo in the beer garden of the local pub, say about 2:30?” For the rest of the day, Ryan just went about in a daze. The events of the last two days left him in a conflict between ecstasy and bewilderment. He knew what Tony wanted to talk about . . . like, where to now?” As it happened, they met going into the back garden area and found a table with relative privacy. The beer garden at the local pub had room for about 100 people who sat around circular tables to enjoy their grog. Other bars such as the public bar had strict age criteria, but no such regulation applied to the beer garden. A great place for families to sit together with friends and enjoy a casual afternoon in summery weather. Nearly all males were bare from the waist up and provided plenty of eye candy. With two schooners of good Aussie booze to lubricate the future, Tony started off, “I hope you're as happy as I am (Ryan nodded) . Suddenly (taking a long drink of grog) I can see sunlight at the end of a long dark tunnel, but, of course, nothing is that simple. I’ll state our problems as I see them. ONE, I’m married; TWO, you’ve just turned eighteen and have yer studies to get through; THREE, what we are is still illegal; FOUR, your mother will be an obstacle; FIVE, we have nowhere to conduct our love; SIX, we can’t let our affair be public with the surf club; and . . . is there anything else you can think of?” “(Earnestly) Yes, what about sex? I don’t wanna do beats and such anymore. You’re all I want, but let’s be practical, we’re both healthy males with normal sex drives. I mean how are we gonna handle sex?” “Yeah, you’re right. That’s SEVEN, and let’s deal with that last . . . or maybe now. Shit, I don’t know. I mean, yes I agree with you. I don’t want anyone else but you Ryan, and I’ll certainly not do beats or any other form of casual sex. You’re It! How we’re gonna accomplish that, I just don’t know. I take it you agree?” “Agree! (swallowing) You mean about committing to each other? Definitely. (Putting down his glass) I don’t want anyone else but you Tony. And before we go any further I’m not wet behind the ears, I’ve had casual encounters before. I suppose I’ve got a high sex drive and have had since I turned twelve. NO, yer my man and that’s that. What we gotta do is work out how we . . . you know!” “Ok, (relieved) so we’ve both agreed that we don’t want casual sex with others. Ok, at least that’s positive. If you hadn’t agreed I would’ve been devastated. So let’s move to the first problem, my wife. (Ryan leaned forward so Tony could talk quieter) As I told you we don’t have a married, umm, a sexual life anymore. I’m gonna tell her I’m looking elsewhere, and she gets snarly, we’ll get a divorce. If she . . .” “(Concerned) What if she chooses divorce and wants to name someone as . . . what’s the term, umm . . . correspondent . . . no, co-respondent, is it? (Tony nodded). If she finds out about me and names me in any divorce proceedings, our whole future comes undone. Yes?” “(Concerned) Yes, so we have to make sure that doesn’t happen.” “How?” “Boy-chick I don’t know. She won’t suspect that my lover is a male, she’ll assume you’re a female. I just have to play it right. I think I can . . . NO, I must!” “(Sigh) Ok, so what was the second point?” “(Relaxing) Ummm, Your studies. That’ll be easy. I’ll just keep tutoring you as we have already. You still want to be a Vet?” “Hey, I’m empty. Let’s pause so’s I can get us refills. Here, hand me your glass.” As Ryan left, Tony watched him work his way to the bar. As he passed several tables, blokes yelled their hello’s and it took some time for Ryan to reach the bar because of Ryan's popularity. Tony sat thinking. Geeze just watching him weave his way across the garden gives me a thrill. A thrill to believe this wonderful sexy and good-looking young man is actually mine. He brought up a good point about sex. Seems I can’t live without him and he can’t without me. I don’t reckon I can go a week without being with him physically. No way! (sigh) We’ll find a way . . . we have to.” Ryan returned with two foaming schooners of Resches light beer. A favourite for the lifesaving community. “Ok, (taking a long swig of ice-cold beer) about me studies. Too true I still want to be a Vet, and you want to be a school teacher, right?” “Yep, (Tony played with his glass) don’t worry about me because I’m still under contract for two more years. I’m glad you still want to pursue your career as a Vet. I’d feel guilty if you abandoned that. I confess I’m looking forward to helping you. In fact the tutoring angle gives us a perfect believable excuse to be together. I don’t think our relationship poses any threat on that score, Ok?” “(Nodding) Yep, we got bigger things to worry about, like what’s next . . . my mother” “Actually that’s five but let’s hit it now. She’ll only be a problem if she finds out, right?” “Geeze yes. What if I told her I was a homo, would that help?” “(Alarmed) Christ no! I don’t know yer mum but if what you say is true she’ll go berserk. No, definitely not!. You must keep her thinking you’re into girls, otherwise she’ll destroy us. Women can be very vindictive and poisonous. No, I’d play the study concept; it’s a valid reason you can’t go chasing females until you graduate. That’ll keep her quiet for a while. Also wouldn’t hurt if you arranged foursomes with yer mates from time to time.” “(Thinking about Tony’s suggestion) Say what if you and I could make a foursome with two girls. (Not serious)That’d go over well wouldn’t it?” “(Excitedly) Brilliant! We’ll just have to find a coupla lesbians to play the charade. I’ll think on it. I guess there’s many females just like you and me, so it would be a winner. Leave it to me.” “Won’t it be difficult, I mean it’s not as if they are in the Yellow pages[2].? “No, but same-sex girls, call themselves’ Friends of Dorothy’ so I’ll place an add in the local paper and see what happens. Don’t you worry yer pretty head, I’ll do it.” “Alright . . . ummm, where are we now? I’ve lost count.” “Yeah . . . Arrh, yeah about us being illegal. (sigh) Not much to say about that. I mean it’s unfair but we’ve gotta be realistic. Look what happened top that postie just recently, I don’t think either of us could survive going to jail. Poor bugger! (Yeah I know thought Ryan) All I can say is we mustn’t do anything to jeopardise our relationship. It’s a toughie.” “I know, do you think we’ll ever be able to walk down the street hand in hand, kiss openly, or heaven forbid, get married?” “(Scoffing) Not in our lifetime. Maybe sometime in the far, far future, certainly not now. Bloody religion is the problem. Right now churches have a lot to say about social matters; they’re dinosaurs and jealously protect their dogma. We ain’t gotta chance boyo, so no point trying to change the bastard’s attitude. We can rant . . .” “Well, what are you two bludgers[3] doing sitting over here by yourselves ignoring yer mates?” “G’day Billy, what’s the club captain doing; checking up on us?” “No ya silly bludger. Saw the two of yer with yer heads together and wondered what mischief yer planning. C’mon over and join us. I’ve never really congratulated this young’un here for his bravery, so a coupla pints are on me. C’mon.” “Ok, we were just finishing up. So we’ll follow in a tick and join you.” “OK, see that you do.” When Billy James left Tony continued hurriedly, “Look the most important question we’ve got to cover is where do we conduct our relationship. Leave it to next week, eh?” So they joined the club captain and the others in a beer pigswill. The last question posed a thorny issue and important to resolve. The thought of Gus’s empty caravan began to sprout and develop in Ryan’s mind. This meant he’d have to tell Tony about Gus. In any event, he’d have to come clean about their affair because it wasn’t fair to Tony to say nothing. Ultimately, it’d come out; better from him than from a gossip. How would Tony react to me and Gus? This would test our relationship. I reckon Tony will be mad at first but hopefully, he’d understand. After they’d joined the group, and once the initial banter finished, Ryan relegated himself to just listening. He thought again about his mother. I’m bloody sick of hiding my true self from her. After all, what could she do? Would she make good on her threat to kick me out? I don’t think so. Me Nanna would’ve understood and me father . . .? Well, I reckon he’d just go along and not be judgemental. If she were to kick me out, would that be so bad? After all I’m earning a good wage and even paying her board which could go towards paying rent on me own digs. It might be a chance for Tony and me to move in together. That’s what we want ain’t it? Have to think a bit more . . .” “Hey Ryan, it’s your shout. Just because you’ve hardly touched yer piss don’t mean you can escape your turn. We’ll . . .” “(Laughing) Alright, alright, don’t get lathered up. How about you Billy, wanna give me a hand?” <><><><> 16.3 “ . . . so there you have it. I suppose my confession might sound a bit sleazy, but at the time, I enjoyed the attention. Gus gave me something I hadn’t had before . . . a little bit of happiness.” Silence. A silence of conflicting emotions. Ryan had summoned up his courage to be honest with Tony; there wasn’t a choice, he just couldn’t stay silent. If anything, Tony had a right to know, especially now they were committing to each other. Fuelled with liquid courage, he’d slid into the passenger seat of Tony’s car, and just let it all out. He didn’t plan, he hadn’t rehearsed, he just got it all off his chest. All through Ryan’s discourse, Tony stayed silent, maintaining a fixed facial expression. Ryan had no idea how Tony felt, as his face hadn’t registered any emotion. Reaching the end he shut up, reasoning he shouldn’t say any more. None the less he became anxious at Tony’s silence. Then, “(Slowly and softly) I’m not gonna say your story hasn’t affected me. It has. I’m not sure about my feelings because it’s a bit of a shock. Logically, I’m pleased you weren’t harmed by the affair. It seems this Gus has strong moral values and didn’t take advantage of a young teenager. I suppose he should get credit. (Sigh) As a human in love, I can’t say knowing you’ve indulged in experienced sex, is comforting. I suppose the real issue is . . . where do we go from here? I’ll just have to mull it over.” “Of course, (choke) I can’t expect more. Even if my personal history may jeopardize our relationship, I’m glad I told you. (Earnestly) I don’t want to keep secrets because I love you. I can put my feelings for you and Gus side-by-side and say with absolute honesty, I only had a ‘friends with benefits’ type of relationship with Gus. With you it’s different because I love you. I just want you to know that Tony, I love you. Now, I’ll just have to wait for you to decide where we go from here. I’ll get me bike and scadoodle off home. (Holding back tears) . . . See ya!” He watched as Tony started the car and drove away. He didn’t look back. Ryan went home and fretted about what Tony would do. If Tony told me he enjoyed a casual sex relationship with someone for some time before me, I guess I’d be a bit upset. I don’t know why I guess I just would. But it isn’t me who has to deal with it, it’s Tony. So why does it become a problem? I mean, it’s not a betrayal of trust ‘cause the affair happened long before we’d committed to each other. What then? He can’t be resentful because we were friends, ‘cause everybody has friends apart from their loved ones, don’t they? So what is the problem, why would having sex with anyone else be a problem? I mean Tony trolled the beats and had regular casual sex, and I don’t feel shitty. So what is it? Fer sure Gus and me had a relationship which couldn’t be classified as casual. NO, it became something more than that – a regular casual sex relationship between two friends. We didn’t love each other, not in the way I love Tony. So why would Tony feel upset, or I, for that matter, if the tables were turned? I suppose it’s the nature of love itself. When we love another person we become vulnerable. Loving means giving, totally giving. Sex is simply the physical outlet for the emotion of love. But that’s crap! We indulge in sex because it’s a basic human need. Does it mean that after falling in love, any sex encounter before, and certainly after a declaration of love, is a form of betrayal? It’s not logical. Certainly having sex with someone else after a commitment is bad; that’s a given. Why then do sex encounters before commitment cause such trouble. Until recently having yer wife a virgin at marriage was so important that women went to great lengths to show blood-stained sheets. Shit it’s complicated, ain’t it? Do we, as a species, expect our life partners to come together as sexual virgins? Some do, some don’t. It's a dilemma I can’t solve. Perhaps there isn’t a rational explanation because it all depends on each person, each flawed human being. The bottom line is Tony and I are testing our love for each other. Yes, it’s a test. I guess I’ve passed my test in that I love him so much I’d rather tell the truth than hide the truth, even though the truth may harm our relationship. I’ve put myself out on a limb. Now it’s up to Tony to determine if his love for me can withstand my truth. God, I hope so! Ryan awoke from a troubled asleep because of a noise, a repeated noise. Still foggy, he realised stones were being thrown against his bedroom window. Thinking it could be Bluey or fatso, he became irritable and raised the window. Poking his head out he could just make out a male shape in the gloom, and snapped, “Bloody hell whoever yer is, it’s the middle of the night and I don’t like being woken up . . .” ‘Ryan, it’s me, Tony. Can you come out, I need to talk to you.” His heartbeat soared with anxiety. Surely this meant bad news. Tony has decided and didn’t want to waste time telling him. “Is it so important you have to tell me now, in the middle of the night. I’ve been so miserable I couldn’t sleep. Now, when eventually . . .” “Shut it boyo, just climb down, so we can talk.” Oh Jesus this is bad. He didn’t have any trouble climbing out the window, after all he’d been doing it for years. Now he stood before Tony clad only in pyjama bottoms. “Well, get it over, I need to get back to sleep. Will you still be able to tutor me as we . . .” “Shut up, I need to say something. Okay?” “Okay.” “You dropped a bombshell on me boychik. I’m sorry for being rude. The thing is I didn’t understand my reaction which was hurt, real live painful hurt. But then I started to think. You never got frothy about me doing the beat before I committed to you, so why should I? I didn’t have an answer. What you did with this Gus, is it so different to me having casual sex? If so, why? I didn’t . . .” “Tony if yer gonna break it off please just say it and put me outta misery. I can take . . .” “Jesus, will you stop interrupting and just hear me out. To continue, I couldn’t find an answer as to why your sexcapades with Gus were different than my own nocturnals. I honestly couldn’t find an answer. But then I thought about our commitment to each other. You had the guts to tell the truth even though it might jeopardize our relationship. That took courage. And then I thought about my own reaction. The question then became, did I value the degree of my love for you, against the pain I experienced after you’d told the truth?” “Please Tony . . .” “Sorry . . . the answer is my love for you is so great it swamps any other negative feeling. I know you’re not asking for forgiveness because there’s nothing to forgive. You done nothing wrong. In fact what you did was brave. I do love you Ryan and even though I’m probably a little jealous of your relationship with Gus, I love you too much to let that, or anything else, come between us . . . (Pause) There I’ve said it.” Ryan had steeled himself to handle bad news so much that, as the realisation dawned on him, he suddenly relaxed and fell into Tony’s waiting arms. He swooned. “Oh shit, ya stills wants me? It’s ok, yer not gonna ditch me because I’ve been bad, it’s gonna be OK?” “Better than OK, we’ve just put our love for each other to the test and our love won out. I love you Ryan Seaton, my life, my body, and my soul is yours . . . forever.” They fell against each other frantically kissing and grinding their pelvis together. At some point Ryan disengaged and said, “I want you to fuck me, I want you to fuck me, so I can go to sleep with you inside me. Please, please Tony!” What followed was a tender, thrilling, and moving act of commitment between two persons deeply in love. Their love for each other had truly been tested and passed. <><><><> 16.4 Ryan, for the rest of the week, enjoyed supreme happiness. Nothing now stood in the way of their relationship, and the only unresolved issue being how to conduct themselves on a day by day basis without raising suspicion. His own thinking still inclined towards Gus’s caravan, or something like that. Moving out of home might be possible for him, but perhaps not so with Tony. After all he had a wife to consider. Even though he’d turned eighteen and by law able to conduct his own affairs, he didn’t want to make any precipitous decisions. So come Sunday morning and after their run, shower, and change, they settled down to discuss the problem. Later in the morning, Tony had to report for Surf Boat rescue training, because soon they were to compete in a major Surf Carnival hosted by their club. Being a wonderful sunny day, they sat on the sand with their backs against a retaining wall. “Been giving the practical side of us some thought. Before I put my sixpence[4] worth in, what are your thoughts boychik?” “I know you don’t want to hear this but being with Gus in his caravan seemed real snug. The caravan had all the necessary conveniences and accommodated two people easy. I also thought about leaving home and the two of us renting a cheap flat, but that would involve you in making an unpleasant decision. I don’t believe yer ready to make a complete break with Paula are you?” “(Regretfully) Oh we talked about it several weeks back but nothing’s taking place. I’ll try and bring it to a head this week but can’t see anything happening real soon. I dunno what’s in her mind, first she says yes, and then back-peddles. Women!” “I can’t tell you what to do Tony, nor should I. From an outsider’s viewpoint, if the relationship is kerplunk, and sex is of no importance, for each person’s benefit you should cut the knot so both of you can move on. What if yer says you’ve found someone else and want yer freedom, what would she do?” “Do? You don’t know much about women mister that’s for sure. She’d hit the roof, want names, want details about the number of times I happened to be unfaithful, and then kick me out. The husband always has to leave if he’s in the wrong; hell, even if he’s innocent he’d still have to vacate. That’s what would happen, so let’s not go there.’ “Jesus, she‘d do that?” “Bet on it! I like the caravan idea though and also thought about getting a garage at one of those self-storage sites and setting it up appropriately. Your thoughts?” “No, a caravan wins over a storage shed. I could get meself a cheap flat, but that means leaving home. Lady Clare would hit the roof, not because I’m leaving, but because she’d lose my rent money. I don’t know whether I’m ready for that upheaval. Sounds like a caravan is the winner.” “Yes, seems like, but I’m not gonna use yer boyfriends caravan. Too many raw emotions there. Also, we’d have to find another site, because using the same caravan park would be dangerous. There’s plenty of other camping sites we can use, but they aren’t as close as the one near the dam.” “Why can’t we use that site, after all it’s convenient for both of us. If we parked the van some ways from Gus’s site no one would take much notice . . . would they?” “(Ruefully) No, I guess yer right? It’s just stupid me wanting to distance you from yer past. Come to think it would be a good way for me to put yer past away for good. I can do this.” “So, it’s settled then – a caravan. How do we go about getting one? I mean neither of us has much ready cash, so how’d we purchase a van?” “Most camping sites have caravans for rent because of the holiday demand. I’ll have a snoop around, but I don’t think it’ll be a problem. Agreed?” “Agreed. Shit, I’m getting’ hard in anticipation. Our own love nest, eh?” “Me too.” [1] Guys who stood in the background against a wall [2] Phone numbers by Trade [3] A generic slang word that can be used in both an affectionate or derogatory sense. It depends on the tone used [4] Roughly equivalent to a five-cent piece.
  15. grahamsealby

    Chapter 14

    Thanks. I'm still learning who to be a writer. IT gives me great satisfaction to hear from readers.
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