New Brother - 4. Chapter 4

Raising a hand to my cheek, I looked at Liz in surprise. She had never slapped me or even threatened to slap me.

“Why’d you do that?” I asked. There was no anger in my question, only puzzlement.

“Why?” she echoed indignantly. “Why? You told me last night that Adam had been kicked out of home and that you thought it might have been justified! I spent the night trying to think of what he could have done. The only thing I could come up with was that he is into drugs, maybe even dealing drugs.” Her face was going red with anger, but thank goodness she kept her voice down. I didn’t really want the entire shop to overhear our fight.

“Now I find out that the only thing going on is that Adam’s gay,” she continued intensely. “You had me up half the night stressing out, and it’s all over such a non-issue! You deserve a lot more than a slap across the face for that.”

As I watched, she pulled herself together and appeared to calm down, though her eyes still flashed an anger that I couldn’t appreciate.

“But it’s not a non-issue!” I stated forcibly. “Look at how many people have been affected by this. He’s lost touch with his mum and sister. His dad publicly disowns him. My brother and I are fighting and Aiden’s dad could pull Aiden from the team because of Ads. How can you say it’s a non-issue? Who knows who else is going to be affected.”

Liz ran a hand through her hair as she paused to digest my point of view. “Maybe non-issue is not a good term,” she admitted. “But he’s certainly done nothing to justify being kicked out of home,” she finished hotly.

Reflecting on what I had said, she added, “What exactly are you and Randy fighting about, anyway?”

I glanced down at the table. This was not a subject I felt comfortable talking about, especially to my girlfriend. “I’m really worried about how he’s reacting to Adam,” I confided. “He told me last night that he isn’t gay, but this morning he was acting so protective of Adam that it was as if he was trying to keep his boyfriend safe! I told him that he shouldn’t stay the night in the same room as Ads,” I finished with a note of anguish.

“You’re an idiot,” Liz exclaimed with exasperation. “Either Giant’s gay, in which case you will just have to get used to the fact, or he’s just looking after a mate who needs some support.”

“My brother is not gay!” I replied angrily. Suddenly realising that I may have spoken a bit too loudly, I looked around nervously to see a few people looking at me curiously. Turning back to Liz, I quietly added, “Look, can we continue this somewhere a bit more private? Let’s walk down to the racetrack.”

Liz tilted her head slightly to one side as she considered the request, before rising to her feet. “Okay, Stick. Let’s get going.”

We walked down to the racetrack in silence, each wrapped up in our own thoughts. At least she let me hold her hand as we walked. The slap had unnerved me. Not being able to hold her hand would have probably freaked me out.

There were no races in Yarra Glen that day, though with races scheduled for the next day there was still a lot of activity going on. Liz and I sat down on a hill overlooking the course and watched quietly for a few minutes as workmen prepared the track for the next day.

Sensing that Liz was wanting me to take the lead, I slid my arm around her shoulder and lent into her for support. “Liz, I’m awfully confused at the moment. I had no idea that Ads is the way he is, and I’m not handling it well. I blew up at him yesterday when he told us, and said a lot of things that I now regret.”

Feeling her lean back into me gave me a sense of comfort and encouragement. Continuing, I said, “At first I thought this must be a phase he’s going through, because he’s just a bit confused. I thought we could fix the problem. I was going to ask your help in finding him a girlfriend to sort him out.” Feeling Liz stiffen under my arm, I quickly added, “But I learnt this morning that that isn’t true. He’s known he’s gay for two years now. I don’t understand it, but I think I’m just going to have to get used to the fact.” I gave a small sigh of relief when I felt her relax again.

“Keep going, Stick. You’re doing well,” Liz encouraged softly.

I sighed. Now was the hard bit. “I worked out last night that more than anything else, Adam needs someone to talk to -- someone to give him support. Unfortunately, after my outburst, he doesn’t even want to look at me most of the time. I’ve pretty much forced him to turn to Giant to help him get through this. Randy’s great, but I’m concerned because he’s only fourteen. He can be easily led astray by Ads. He’s already said that he prefers Ads over me as a brother,” I finished sadly.

Liz and I sat together in silence for a moment, still watching the activity at the racetrack. I didn’t know what more to say.

Slowly, Liz moved out of my embrace. Turning and wondering what she was doing, I saw her smile as she moved to where she could look at me.

“Stick, what’s really your problem?” she asked gently. “Is it that you just don’t understand how Adam can be gay? Or is it that you don’t think he’s your friend anymore? Or could it be that Giant is doing something that you think should be your job? Or is it that you’re concerned that Giant is going to be hurt by all of this?”

I started to speak, but nothing came out. I knew I was concerned but I wasn’t sure why. Looking down at the ground, I thought about the questions Liz had asked.

Do I understand how Adam can be gay? The answer to that one is easy – NO! But that wasn’t really Liz’s question. It really was, am I having a problem with accepting his being gay? And the answer to that one I reluctantly admitted to myself has to be yes.

“I don’t understand him anymore,” I started as I reflected on the questions. “I’m not even sure that I ever did. Was everything we shared before a lie? Yes, that bothers me. I’ve enjoyed having him as a friend, but I don’t think I could call him that now, even if I wanted to. And I know that’s partly my fault, and that’s eating me up as well.”

I hesitated as I thought about the situation with Randy. “As for Giant, I think he’s getting in too deep. I have a feeling he’s going to get hurt, but I don’t know what I can do about it. He’s not talking to me at the moment. He’s really angry about the things I said to Ads last night. I’ve apologised to Ads, but Randy hasn’t really accepted it, and Ads didn’t accept it at all.”

Looking Liz straight in the eye, I concluded, “Randy’s only fourteen. Because of my stupidity, Adam’s turning to him for support instead of me. I don’t think Giant is mature enough to handle it without getting trapped. I’m scared for what Ads could do to him, and I’m scared about what will happen to him at school because of Ads.”

“You could be right,” Liz acknowledged quietly, as she turned back to the view over the racetrack. “But I think you need to give Randy a chance to prove himself. I’ve been watching him over the last few months, and I think he’s really started to mature.”

“You’ve been watching him?” I asked in astonishment. “What have you been watching him for? I thought I was your boyfriend!”

Smiling cheekily at me over her shoulder as she lay back into my chest, she answered, “You are! But I can tell a lot about a guy from his family, so I’ve been watching yours, and I’ve been very impressed.”

A warm glow spread through me at her compliments. I put my arms around her as she rested her back against my body, and some of the dark clouds started to leave my mind.

“There is one thing, though, that I think you need to understand, Stick,” she continued. “When we started, you listed some of the things that are going on. Do you realise that absolutely none of the issues you raised have anything to do with Adam?” she asked.

Surprised by the comment, I thought for a moment. Everything has to do with Adam! If he weren’t gay he’d still be at home with his family, and Randy would still be speaking to me. There would be not disrupting influences on the basketball team, and everything would be going well.

“What do you mean?” I asked. I really couldn’t understand where she was coming from with that comment.

“I think it’s obvious,” she replied calmly, leaning her head back to rest on my shoulder. “All of the issues you raised are to do with the other people, not Adam. Mr. Trent has a problem with accepting who his son is. He’s the one who is causing the problems in that family, not Ads. And you seem to have the same problem and that’s upset Giant. It’s not Adam that’s caused the fight between you and Randy – it’s you and how you reacted. And now Aiden’s dad is having a problem accepting that his son plays basketball with someone who is gay. That’s not Adam’s fault. All everyone has to do is accept him for who he is, and all the problems will disappear.”

While I tried to absorb this, she continued with a touch of steel in her voice, “I am assuming that you no longer have a problem with Adam being gay. I am right, aren’t I? You don’t have a problem with him being gay?”

My mind started to race as I realised that my response to her question was going to be critical. I knew better than to try to lie. I haven’t managed to do that successfully with Liz for months.

I started slowly, “What he does in the privacy of his own bedroom is really none of my business. I don’t need to know and I don’t want to know any details of what he does.” I paused for a moment and then continued, “But, if he tries to do anything with my little brother, I’ll definitely have a problem with that. I don’t want him corrupting him!” I finished firmly.

My pleasure at being able to correctly answer her question was blown away in an instant, as she pulled herself out of my arms, and spun around to glare at me.

“How dare you think that of Adam!” she challenged. “You’ve known him for years, and he’s never been anything but a good friend. How can you even consider that he’d do something to Giant? You’re seeing possibilities that just aren’t there!”

“That’s not true!” I responded indignantly. “How am I supposed to know what he’s thinking, anymore? If he puts his arm on my shoulder during a game, is it because he’s being a mate, or is he trying to start something?” My voice started to rise in volume and anger as I continued, “And you didn’t see the way he’s got Randy acting! I just know that he’d love to turn Giant gay. I don’t want that to happen if I can prevent it!”

“You’re a bastard!” she snarled, as I looked back in shock. “You think Adam is some sort of pervert that’s going to go around molesting everyone. Haven’t you got it through that head of yours that HE HASN’T CHANGED! He’s still the same person who pulled you out of the creek last year during the floods. He hasn’t changed at all. All that’s happened is that you now know why he doesn’t have a girlfriend!”

Standing up, she looked down at me in disgust. “I’m going now before one of us says something that we’ll both regret. Don’t expect to see me at the game, and don’t try calling until you’ve sorted out your issues. I don’t need a homophobic boyfriend!” she finished with vehemence. Turning, she strode away up the hill back into town.

I sat there for a moment before my brain registered that she was walking off. Possibly even walking out of my life! I rose quickly and ran after her. “Wait, Liz. Please wait? Can’t we talk this out?” Putting my hand on her shoulder, I pleaded, “Please?”

Spinning round to face me with an anger that seemed to be held in check only by a thread, she said through gritted teeth, “Take your hands off me, you prick!” At least she didn’t yell it. As I quickly dropped my hand, she added, “Don’t follow me. Don’t talk to me. Just go back and start thinking!”

I stood there as she marched out of sight. With my world crumbling around me, I fought back the tears that threatened to well up from the bottom of my breaking heart. Not caring that I was in the middle of the path, I dropped where I was standing and squatted, holding my knees to my chest. With Liz’s words running through my mind, I recalled that incident during last year’s floods.

Adam, Randy and I had been playing down by the creek, watching as the floodwaters sweep down on their way to the Yarra River. It was the biggest we’d ever seen the creek get, and we were enjoying watching the debris swirl down the stream. It was Randy who first spotted the joey in the water, clinging desperately to a small log. The way its head was swinging from side to side showed that the baby kangaroo was in trouble.

Not one to let the joey drown, I jumped to my feet and stripped off my clothes. I remember calling out to Randy and Adam to get a tree branch to help pull me back in. Our parents had made us take swimming lessons since we were three, and I was confident that there was no real risk in going in to rescue the joey. After all, the creek was less than thirty feet across. It was flowing swiftly with all the floodwater, but I wouldn’t be in there for too long.

What I hadn’t anticipated was being hit in the head by the log as I grabbed the kangaroo from it. I don’t remember too much of what happened next, but I know the story that Randy and Adam told my parents later that day.

After being hit, I disappeared from sight for several long seconds. Randy just stood there screaming my name as he desperately looked for me in the water. Adam, however, ran downstream to where an old gum tree reached across the creek. Quickly swinging himself out over the creek, he dropped into the water as soon as he saw me surface, still holding the joey tight to my body. Grabbing me under the arms, he slowly swam us back to the quieter water at the edge of the creek. Once there, he and Randy pulled me and the joey onto dry land.

I must have let the kangaroo go then, because they told me that Randy went white at the sight of the blood on my lower body. It seems that in its panic, the joey had clawed at me with its hind legs. I was lucky it wasn’t a full-grown roo, as otherwise it would have disembowelled me with those claws.

Adam used his shirt to wash away most of the blood and then applied pressure to try to slow down the bleeding. Randy, in the meantime, had rushed back home to get help. I had passed out by the time Mum came down to get me in the four-wheel drive, so I don’t remember later on when I took the only ambulance ride I’ve ever had. Luckily, there were no permanent injuries, just a few scars down my right side.

At least we saved the joey! It turned out that it had a broken leg, so the ranger took it to the Healesville Wildlife Sanctuary for recuperation. It was released back into the wild about six months later.

I have to admit that Adam probably saved my life that day. I might have managed to get out of the creek by myself, though I was groggy from the blow to my head, if I hadn’t been holding onto the joey. If Ads hadn’t dragged me out, would I have eventually recovered my senses enough to let the baby kangaroo go and save myself? Or would I have held on until it was too late? I don’t know the answer to that one, and I’m glad that the question is academic. I lived and so did the joey. The ranger allowed me to accompany him when he released the joey back into the wild. Watching it bound back into the bush is still one of the proudest moments of my life.

Now I know that even then, Adam knew he’s gay. Does that make his saving my life any different? Honestly, I have to admit that it doesn’t. Saving a life is an absolute. But what about the motive? Did he save me as a friend, or did he save me because he wanted something more?

My mind started racing in ever-diminishing circles as I started to review incidents over the last year, wondering if there had been other reasons for Adam’s actions than just being a friend. Had he been attracted to me? Shying back from the images that suddenly arose, I tried desperately to think of something else.

“Stick? Are you okay, mate?” Where did that voice come from?

I felt my body being shaken as I brought myself back to reality. Focusing my eyes, I looked up into Gary’s worried face.

“You look all spaced out and your face is so pale! Are you coming down with something? Do you want me to get you home?” Gazza’s concern was evident as he examined my face intently, looking for a clue as to what was wrong.

Still dazed from everything that had occurred, I blurted out, "Liz has left me!" I struggled again to keep back the tears that threatened to form.

Glancing over to my left, Gary reached down and grabbed my right hand. Pulling me to my feet, he said, “Come on, mate. Lets find somewhere to sit down and talk.” Following his glance, I saw his girlfriend Mary standing nearby, watching me anxiously as she ran a hand through her long black hair.

As we walked back up into town, I felt grateful to Gary and Mary. Arriving when they did had shaken my thoughts from the useless cycle they had been running through.

As we approached the coffee shop I realised that I couldn’t go in there. The memory of being slapped by Liz in there was too recent. As I froze in place, Gary and Mary took a couple of steps forward before they noticed that I wasn’t following.

“What’s the matter, Stick?” asked a concerned Mary.

“Can we go somewhere else, please? How about the park on the other side of the road?” I pleaded, evading the question. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to answer it, but rather that I didn’t want to explain everything while we stood outside of the coffee shop.

Mary and Gazza exchanged looks of puzzlement before yielding to my request. I could tell that they weren’t going to let me go without a full explanation. As we approached the park, I began to think of how to tell my story. I hadn’t done a good job with Liz, and I didn’t want to end up losing another friendship because I haven’t explained myself properly.

Gazza and Mary sat on one side of a picnic table in the park and I sat on the other side, facing them, and began:

“Gazza, how much have you told Mary about what is going on at the moment? I mean about Adam and why he’s staying at our place for now.”

Gary seemed to shrink into himself as Mary turned to look at him.

“He hasn’t told me anything,” Mary interjected in surprise. “Is there something I should know about that he’d been holding back?” she continued in a threatening tone whilst glaring at Gary.

Aghast that I’d put my foot in it again, I quickly jumped in, “It’s almost certainly going to be all over the school on Monday, but I know that Gazza promised Adam not to tell anyone. Adam only told my family last night, and informed us this morning that Gazza knows.”

Mary turned her steely gaze to me. I was peripherally aware that Gary had relaxed with relief, but Mary’s gaze held my attention with an unspoken threat of trouble if I didn’t start talking, and fast.

“Adam was kicked out of home by his father on Tuesday night because he’s gay,” I started. Mary’s eyes widened in astonishment as that simple statement struck home, and I continued, “He stayed with Aidy on Wednesday and Gazza on Thursday. Last night he stayed with us, and my parents have offered to let him stay as long as he wants to.”

Knowing that I had to get this out quickly before I lost control of my emotions, I rushed on. “I blew up and said things to Ads that I now regret. Giant and I have had a big fight on the subject and he now hates me. Liz appears to be against me as well. She told me that she doesn’t want to see or hear from me and walked off. That was just before you found me.” Looking down at the picnic table before me, I quietly added, “Everything is breaking up on me, and it’s all because Adam’s gay.” I struggled hard to keep the pain that was rising in my heart from breaking through my wall of stoicism.

Silence reigned after I stopped speaking. I probably should have looked up to see what they were thinking or doing, but I was afraid that I’d see another rejection. I had already lost the two most important people in my life -- Randy and Liz -- and I couldn’t bear to lose any more. As I contemplated a life without Randy and Liz, the pain broke through and I lost control. Lowering my face into my hands, I started to weep. Tears cascaded down my face, as sobs of anguish rose from what was left of my heart. My ears heard noises, but nothing penetrated until I felt someone sit down on my right, and then another on my left. Words were spoken to me from both the left and right, but I didn’t hear or understand any of them. All I could absorb was the feeling that I wasn’t alone -- that there were still people who cared about me.

I have no idea how long I sat there, but as I slowly regained control and brought myself back to reality, I noticed that the words had stopped. The comforting souls were still there, but all of the communication was now being done by simple proximity. With a final gulp to end my cries, I raised by head from my hands.

I was amazed to find Gary’s mum sitting across the table from me with an anxious look. Turning my head, I found Gazza on my left, his hand still on my left shoulder. He gave me a small smile of support, which I returned after I wiped my tears away with a quick swipe of a hand. When I turned to the right, Mary didn’t smile at me, but instead gave me a look of compassionate support that acknowledged the pain I was going through.

Mrs. Loveridge began quietly, “David, I think I should take you home. Staying in Yarra Glen isn’t going to do you any good today.”

“How...” I began, but then turned to my left as Gary quietly interrupted me.

“I called her on my mobile. I tried your place first but there wasn't any answer, so I called my mum,” he explained softly. “Try to get some rest. And if you don't make it to the game today it's not the end of the world. We're going to make the finals regardless of the outcome of the match. You can skip the game if you need to.”

I looked at Mary as I heard her start to speak softly, “We haven't really had a chance to talk before, David, but if you want a sympathetic stranger to talk to, give me a call.” She put a piece of paper in my jacket pocket before continuing, “Or you can talk to Gary if you just want to sound off to a friend. I've given you his mobile number as well, as he said that he didn't think you had it.” Rising to her feet, she finished gently, “We'll let Mrs. Loveridge take you home now. As Gary said, just try to get some rest. You look like you've been through a war.”

Sitting at that picnic table as I watched them walk away, hand in hand, I began to appreciate the quality of my friends. Randy's comment from the night before returned to haunt me -- how he has more faith in his friends that I seem to have in mine. How much faith DO I have in my friends?

Shaking myself free from my thoughts, I turned back to Mrs. Loveridge. “Thank you very much for this, Mrs. Loveridge. I really appreciate it.”

She smiled wryly. “That's okay, David. Let's get you home.”

I don't remember the trip back. I can't even remember what I was thinking about. It was as if my mind shut down until we pulled into our driveway. It was only when I heard Mrs. Loveridge telling me that I was home that my mind re-engaged. After thanking her again, I slowly strolled towards the house.

For a moment I stopped and thought about going down to the dam, but as I recalled what it was I would be contemplating, I abandoned the idea and continued on into the house. Since everyone was still apparently out shopping, I did what Gazza and Mary had suggested and lay down on my bed to rest. I hadn't expected to fall asleep, but the exhausting drain of my emotional release in the park was more powerful that I had realised.

When I awoke, it was to the noise of Adam and Randy laughing in the corridor. Not wanting to confront them, I rolled over to face away from the door. If they looked in, they'd see me, but hopefully would think I was asleep.

As I lay there, my mind shied away from any attempt to ponder the circumstances that had brought me to this point. All I could do was silently rage at the injustice of the world. I had done nothing wrong, but the people I loved were abandoning me! Swinging from anger to grief, from sorrow to bitterness, my emotions kept circling. I knew that was doing me no good, but I couldn’t stop it.

There may have been some noises from out in the corridor, but the emotional cycle I was on left no room for interruptions. It was only when the bed moved from the weight of someone sitting on the edge that the cycle was broken.

“Honey, what's wrong? We thought you were staying in town with Liz until the game,” came my mum's concerned voice.

Without turning over, I sobbed, “I don't want to talk about it.” Taking a deep breath to settle myself, I added, “Can you please just leave me alone for awhile?”

Feeling her hand gently squeezing my shoulder, I heard her say, “Okay, honey. Come on out when you're ready.” I returned to the emotional cycle that was slowly draining me of all energy.

It was sometime later before I finally accepted that I was getting nowhere. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it would soon be time to get ready for the game. I was in no fit state to play, but I made up my mind to go, even if only to watch.

Getting up, I went to my closet to get my gear, and then cursed. I had packed everything earlier, when I thought I'd be going straight to the game, and it was already in the Land Cruiser, ready to go.

Mentally arming myself for the gauntlet of questions I'd be facing, I opened my bedroom door and headed off to get my gear.

Just before I got to the door of the living room, I stopped as I heard Adam's voice.

“... and I'm gay,” I heard him say.

For a moment I was confused about who he was talking to, before I remembered that he was going to tell Brett and Brian before they all headed off to the game. I froze as I waited for their response. So far those three simple words had caused tidal waves in the lives of everyone who’d heard them.

There was no noise for almost a minute. I could imagine the silent conversation the twins would be having with each other. It was something I had seen many times, but it never ceased to amaze me how they could come to a consensus on something without saying a word.

“So, do you have a boyfriend yet?” I don't know which twin said it, but I could only gape at the matter-of-fact tone with which it was asked.

“No,” was Adam's surprised response. “No one knew until Tuesday when my dad found out. I haven't even thought about a boyfriend.” I could tell from his tone that he was relieved that the twins had taken the news so well -- almost as if the news really didn't matter.

Not wanting to hear anything more just in case he mentioned Randy's name, or worse, that Randy piped up with a comment, I ran out the front door and sprinted to the car. Collecting the bag containing my basketball gear, I waited a moment to settle myself before slowly walking back to the house. Stopping with one hand on the doorknob, I wondered what I was going to do. How should I handle the inevitable questions? Still uncertain, I opened the door and entered the house.

Walking down the hallway back to my room, I was stopped as B1 came out of the living room.

“Hi, Stick! Shouldn't you be getting ready? We'll be heading off soon,” he said amiably.

“I'm just going back to get changed now. I had forgotten that my gear was in the car,” I replied nervously, as I moved past him. I hoped he wouldn’t want to keep chatting, as I didn't want to get caught by anyone else. Holding a conversation was beyond my capabilities at that moment.

He looked at me, puzzled at my obvious discomfort, before shrugging and heading off to the bathroom.

With a sigh of relief, I returned to my room and shut the door. Putting my bag on the floor, I sat on the side of the bed and looked blankly at it. Did I really want to get ready for a game of basketball for which I no longer had any enthusiasm? With my inclination to find a hole to crawl into for the rest of my life warring with my sense of team loyalty that demanded I go, I just sat and did nothing for several minutes.

Eventually accepting that my wish to just disappear was immature, I picked up my gear and got changed. I thought… If Dad coaches, as he usually does, I'll tell him that I don't really want to play -- I'll just be there if they really need me.

Moving with a weariness that seeped through every pore of my body, I joined the rest of the family. I found them all in the living room, in an obviously cheerful mood that immediately sent a surge of resentment through me. How dare they be happy when my life was crashing down around me!

Looking concerned as he saw me standing in the doorway, my dad asked, “Are you okay, David?”

“No,” I answered bluntly, “but I don't want to talk about it. Are we ready to go?”

“We're ready, but it's a bit early. We’re not leaving for another five minutes,” he responded, apparently perplexed by my behaviour.

“Fine!” I said coldly. “I'll wait in the car until then.”

Turning to go, I was stopped by Dad's plea, “David, please wait. If there’s a problem, we have time to talk about it before we go.”

Without turning, I replied, “I've already said I don't want to talk about it! Now can you please just leave me alone?” My heated response appeared to have served its purpose. I stormed off to the car.

Not wanting to talk on the ride to the stadium, or even look at anyone else, I had two choices on where to sit in the Land Cruiser. If I took the front seat, I wouldn't have to see anyone, but Dad would be in a position to question me as he drove. Quickly deciding, I took one of the two fold-down seats at the back of the car. That way, everyone else would be in front of me and unable to watch me without turning around. Since those seats face sideways instead of to the front, I wouldn't even need to look at the backs of their heads.

Staring blankly into space, I waited for everyone else to show up.

When the others arrived sooner than I had anticipated, I caught sight of startled looks as they saw where I had chosen to sit. Randy took the front seat next to Dad, as I expected, with Adam sitting in one of the middle seats. B1 and B2 exchanged a quick glance before Brett sat in a middle seat. I was surprised and angry, however, when Brian took the other fold-down rear seat, facing me. The fold-down seats are more uncomfortable for someone of our size than the middle seat, so I knew this was done deliberately for my sake. Now I would have to sit facing B2 for the entire trip. Couldn't he see that I wanted to be left alone?

“Okay, boys, let's get going!” Dad enthused as he started up the engine. Normally his eagerness to get to the basketball stadium would get us all revved up for the game, but today I was not letting anything dispel my gloomy mood.

After scowling at Brian's sympathetic expression, I turned my head to the back of the car and looked out the rear window. If I didn't look at anyone, I wouldn't have to acknowledge that I heard anything they said. The trip was going to be miserable, anyway. How bad it was going to get depended on whether or not Brian could take a hint and leave me alone.

Giant, Ads and B1 started up a conversation about the weakness of the various players on the Steels Creek basketball team that we would be playing. Since we'd already played against them several times in the last year, and we also knew several from school, there was little new information discussed. We were beaten last time we played them, in a tightly fought contest that was decided in the last minute of the game. I quickly tuned them out. With no intention of playing much of the match, I didn't need to be reminded of which players to watch out for.

“You know, Stick, that you can talk to us if it will help.” Brian's low-voiced comment interrupted my thoughts as I stared out the rear window.

Before I could catch myself, I turned my head to glower at him. His expression of sympathy infuriated me further. How could he just sit there patiently with everything that was going on around him?

I was about to yell at him when my anger drained away like water down the sink. B1 and B2 were not the ones I was upset with. All they were doing was trying to be helpful. They probably didn't even know what was going on.

“Sorry. I know you're just trying to help,” I apologised quietly. “I'm just not ready to talk about it. Can you please just leave me alone for awhile?”

“Sure thing, mate. Just remember, we'll be there whenever you want,” came the supportive reply.

Mercifully, Brian stayed silent for the rest of the journey. I tuned out the others, as they made no effort to involve me in their conversations. Brett parried any attempt Randy or Adam made to speak to Brian, giving me a quiet oasis at the back of the car to relax into. With my anger gone, the gloom that had embraced me before seemed to be more distant. As with Gazza and Mary at the park, I drew strength from the simple proximity of Brian. My mind was still in chaos, but a new foundation of friendship and support was being formed to help me through the troubles I faced.