Imprint - 11. Memories of Green and Gold: Attachment

He almost thought he would've been expected; an illogical thought and he knew it, but that didn't stop it from being there. He would've thought he'd arrive at the top of the hill and find the man waiting there, facing in his direction perhaps with a small smile on his face that said he had known he was coming. When you've been thinking about something for so long, trying to plan it out, talking yourself into it, probably making your family nuts with it, then surely the subject of your mental obsession would be able to sense your repeated thoughts on the wind?

But no, that wasn't what happened when he finished walking all the way up the hill, all the way around the small cliff that overlooked Whitewood Keep, he saw the other man seated there with his back turned, looking quietly down over the edge. When he stepped on a twig, effectively disrupting the silence, the man made some breathless sound of surprise, whipping around quickly to stare at him in a look of wide eyed shock, of fear like he had never seen on a human face.

It almost made him want to apologize, to quietly slink away and forget everything he suspected that made him come up here in the first place. Instead he made himself lower his eyes and walk with a casualness he was sure looked blatantly false to the edge of the river, pulling his fishing rod off his back that he had brought with as a convenient excuse. Oh never mind me, I'm just going to do some fishing, that's all I ever intended; yes I know it would've been easier to go to the lake like usual, but I was feeling adventurous and wanted to see if the fish were different somehow here. Nothing to do with you, truly, so never mind me.

The stranger wasn't buying it, he could feel the man's gaze piercing the side of his head, demanding he turn and acknowledge his guilt. Swallowing, he looked over again, straining to appear nonchalant. The man was...real, which did not come as any surprise to him but he just couldn't help but make note of; real, very real, alive and there. Young, his own age maybe, all but lost in those thick white furs he was wearing; it made his skin look so pale, his brown hair stand out in sharp contrast, bangs somewhat long and choppy and almost in his face, light blue eyes watched him carefully. The man's mouth was open even, and he could almost swear he could hear a heart beat pounding rabbit fast from where he sat a safe few feet away.

He tried breaking the ice. “Is that some new fishing technique I don't know? Hoping maybe they'll just jump on in?”

He smiled but the other man didn't return it, just blinked at him like he couldn't quite believe he was being spoken to.

He shrugged, “Ah, never mind me. I have this little problem where I think I'm funny. They're working on a cure, promise.”

He tried another smile, he tried to laugh, but nothing; the man just continued staring with his mouth open.

He cleared his throat, thinking. He had thought this would be easier somehow; he wasn't too sure what to do, but he couldn't just leave now. He tried a different approach. “My name's Tallen. I'm, uh...well, from down there,” he gestured at the cliff edge behind the man. “Whitewood, that's what we call it, if you didn't know.”

Tallen paused, hoping to have prompted an introduction in return, but again no, the other's face never changed. He could hear the man's breath coming a little too hard, a little too fast.

As usual when he wasn't certain, Tallen's mouth started to run. “You know you're like something of a local legend down there, or getting that way anyway. I think half the people in Whitewood think you're some sort of ghost or spirit, guarding us or haunting us, or maybe just really bored.” He grinned, “They're all going to be amazed I actually talked to you, you know. I'll probably have a good week of getting anything I want for free if I can get you to tell me one good story I can bring back.”

And still nothing; he couldn't even be sure he was being listened to.

Tallen ran a hand back through his hair, that old nervous habit. Calmly, he set the fishing pole aside, done with pretending he just happened to wander by; maybe a direct approach would be better. “So, do you have a – a name, or something...a home, somewhere?” He stood up, looking over at where the man was still squatting on the ground. “I mean, where do you come here from? Are you...taking a long walk here from some other village? A campsite? Just...please tell me you're not trying to live out here by yourself?”

He took a step forward and the man made that low, breathless sound of fear again, falling backwards off his heels and scooting back a few inches. His eyes were even more terrified, staring up at him.

Tallen felt his heart drop, his nervous chatter drying up. It wasn't as though he was really surprised, and he thought he had prepared himself for this but now, faced with the reality, he didn't have a clue. This was well beyond his experience, and he knew he couldn't afford to mess it up.

He raised both hands in surrender, too quickly judging by the startled response. “No. No, no, no, its – its okay,” he made himself lower his voice, speak more slowly, “Don't, its – its okay, I'm not – I'm not going to hurt you.” Tallen carefully lowered himself down on one knee, keeping his hands held up, keeping his eyes locked on that terrified face, trying not to take it personally but it was hard, to not feel guilty, not feel hurt; he had never been looked at like that before, he hoped he never would be again.

He stayed there like that, on the ground, murmuring what he hoped were comforting words. The other man never really relaxed, never seemed soothed, but he did stop looking like he was going to bolt or drop dead of fright, settling back into the same heightened state of discomfort he'd found him in. Tallen tried to read the look in light blue eyes that never strayed from his face; it wasn't just fear but some degree of disbelief, like he wasn't sure if Tallen was real, was really there. It reminded him somewhat of the looks in people's faces when they first began to notice the watcher in the hills, beginning to concoct their fantastic stories; it made Tallen wonder what the man may have imagined about the village he watched

(or is it me? just me?)

From the look of things, those stories were more along the lines of nightmares; very different from Whitewood's personal guardian.

“I'm not going to hurt you,” Tallen assured again, wishing there was someway to know he was getting through. “That's not why I'm here, I...its the opposite, really. I just...kept thinking, couldn't stop, wondering – about this, about...about you.” Something in that face twitched at that, light blue eyes blinking slowly; Tallen tried to smile again, pressing his lips tightly together, “I needed to make sure you were okay. But I can see that you're not.”

The man's head tilted to the side, brown hair swaying a little with the motion. He looked confused, slowly blinking his eyes; Tallen tried not to think too much on what it would mean to have an expression of concern be that baffling. Tallen licked his lips, mouth now dry. “I don't want to scare you,” he said, “I don't want you to be scared of me, but...” he swallowed, “But I don't think I can leave you out here either. Not like this.”

The stranger continued to watch him; with the time gone past in peace much of his excess anxiety seemed to have melted away, leaving only the confusion, the disbelief. Good a time as any to make his move; Tallen lowered one of his raised hands, careful to move slowly, turning it palm up and stretching it out toward the man. Light blue eyes shifted down to watch its movements as it stopped maybe half a foot away from actually touching him. “Come with me,” he said, bringing those blue eyes back to his face, blinking in that expression of bafflement that, now less obscured by fear, was so innocent it made him smile. “Come with me,” he said again, “Down to the village. Its a – its a good place, good people, you know? No one will hurt you there either. You can get a – a roof over your head, a warm bed to sleep in, clothes, food, anything you need.” Tallen looked for any sign of interest or even recognition in the man's face, in his eyes that flicked back and forth between his face and hand. “You can stay with me,” he kept talking when the silence wouldn't end, “I can keep you safe, look out for you, whatever you need. I got a bed, an extra bed, it was, um – it was my wife's father's bed, but he passed on a while back and we've not been using it, so its yours if you want it, as long as you need it.”

Not getting warned off, Tallen leaned forward a little so he could reach the man's hands that were sitting curled up in his lap, grasping light hold of one. The man jumped at the contact, startled, like he honestly hadn't seen it coming, making that breathless sound of surprise. Tallen was ready to retreat with an apology, but instead of pushing him away the man's hand tightened around Tallen's middle two fingers. Tallen had to suppress a wince, gods within the man's skin was freezing; another bad sign, feeding his guilt and determination.

The man was staring down at his hand with the same look of wide eyed curiosity, pulling it up a little closer to his face. Tallen could feel warm breath on his skin, felt a thumb run softly over his knuckle. Carefully, he shifted his hand around without trying to pull away, wrapping his two free fingers and thumb gently around his frozen hand and giving a very light squeeze; the man's head raised again, blue eyes meeting his, calm and questioning.

Tallen smiled at him, trying his best to convey his own harmlessness, calling upon that friendly charm his wife always insisted he had. “Come with me,” he said again, “Its going to be okay, promise, just...let me get you out of here.”

The man didn't panic again, didn't move, maintained eye contact and the grip on his fingers; that had to be a good sign. Tallen slowly stood up, trying to move carefully, more aware than ever how tall he was and not wanting to intimidate; the man's eyes calmly followed him up. Tallen tugged on his hand, trying to signal him to stand as well, but the man remained seated in the snow. Smiling again, Tallen bent forward, hooking his other hand around the man's elbow and gently pulling him up; the man jumped a little, made that same breathless sound, but didn't struggle and let himself get moved to his feet. He only came up to Tallen's shoulders, looking even smaller with those white furs hanging off of him; he was still clutching Tallen's hand.

Tallen tried tugging him forward, but again the suggestion didn't register and the man didn't move. Slowly again, Tallen placed his free hand on the man's back; the man gasped again, whipping his head around like he thought something else would be there.

Tallen chuckled, bringing those light blue eyes back his way; he found the man's actions as cute as they were troubling, and focused himself on the former to keep his manner easy. “Come on now, you got to walk with me. I can't carry you all the way down there, you know.” Except, judging by how worrisomely thin the man felt under his hands, he suspected he maybe could.

Another tug and some gentle pressure, the man began moving along with him, though his steps were slow and shaky. Tallen had to guide him the whole way, the man's eyes never strayed from his face.

---

He was dimly aware of someone else coming in through the front door and wondered if she was home early or if he had really been here that long, squatting on the floor mumbling comforting nonsense he doubted was making any difference. The stranger was curled up in the corner of the room, his shaking hands wound in his hair and pulling, face pressed into his knees, still hyperventilating. Tallen knew it was his fault, he didn't know exactly how but it was, and there seemed nothing he could do to fix it, nothing he knew to do would work.

He heard cautious foot steps approach the divider, “Who – what's going on here?”

“Can you please not come in here right now,” he all but snapped and then instantly felt guilty. He turned his head to face her, hoping she could see just how tired he was. “I'll be out in a minute, just wait there for me, please.”

Saren nodded slowly, worry clear in her brown eyes as she looked back and forth between her husband and his guest. She stepped backwards and turned, retreating almost soundlessly. At least the man didn't seem to notice anything had happened; that, he supposed, was a good thing.

Tallen scrubbed his hands over his face, feeling more exhausted than he ever had before. He didn't know whatever made him think he could handle this, he couldn't, he was making it worse, everything he did was wrong. Yeah, well, its too late now, you can't just...throw him back. Not now, not after...you just can't. So figure it out, somehow.

He looked over at the scared, shivering man in the corner; wasn't looking at him, maybe wasn't listening. “Hey,” Tallen tried anyway, he hated how defeated he sounded. “I'm going to...I'm going to go. Not go, but just – out there, I'll just be out there. For a little bit. And I'll be back, I will, and...” But it wasn't having any effect, he didn't stop trembling. Tallen took a deep breath. “Just...please, try to...feel, better. Or...I don't know. I'm sorry, I'm,” he shook his head, “so sorry,”

Saren was waiting for him by the fire in the center of the main room, her feet tucked under her, re-braiding her long red hair. She stopped and looked up at him when he came back out, pulling the divider most of the way shut behind him; he glanced her way, saw the question in her eyes but just couldn't speak right now. He glanced away again.

Her hands resumed their task, keeping her gaze focused on her husband. “Is that him?”

Tallen slowly nodded, no further explanation needed there; he'd talked to her enough about his concerns, what he wanted to do.

Her hair fixed and flipped back over her shoulder, Saren frowned up at him. “Well, what...what happened in there?”

He shook his head, “I – don't know,” he sounded hollow, empty, “But I'm sure its my fault.”

“How...what do you mean?”

As Tallen was thinking what to say his fist shot out and slammed into the wall, hard enough to shake the whole enclosure. He saw her jump out of the corner of his eye, saw her hand go to her face, but he couldn't focus on that right now; he was trying to hear behind the divider, trying to listen for any sound but it was quiet. It wasn't as comforting as he might have hoped.

He felt Saren step up beside her and place a gentle hand on his arm, trying to ease his fist from the wall. It loosened his tongue again, “That's why, Saren, that's why. Because I don't know what I'm doing and I react badly. And he...”

She was gently rubbing his arm, “He what?” she asked when he paused.

He swallowed, “He...wasn't wearing anything under his coat.” Licked his lips, “No shirt anyway. When he followed me in, looking around, he wasn't holding it so tightly, and it...started slipping, down his shoulder, fell open.”

Saren didn't prod him when he paused again, just leaned against him and rubbed his arm in silent support. He really did love her, didn't know what to do without her.

He continued, “His...his chest, its all...ripped up.”

Saren's hand paused in its movements, he felt her tense up beside him. He made himself look at her, “Like this,” he moved his hand higher, running it down the center of his chest, then curving left toward his side. Saren's eyes followed along numbly, saying nothing. He shook his head, frustration mounting again, “No animal did that, I...I've only seen marks like that on animals the hunters bring back...it looks like someone tried to cut his heart out.”

She sucked in a sharp breath, her hand tightening its grip on him. Her mouth opened, she seemed about to say something, but words were inadequate at times like this. She stepped closer and slipped an arm around his waist.

Tallen was still shaking his head, “I knew it,” he said, hitting his hand against the wall again, lighter this time, just for emphasis, “I knew it, I...I fucking knew it. I knew there was something wrong.”

“And you did something about it,” Saren finally spoke up, leaning forward and trying to peer up at his face, “You did something, that's why he's here.”

He snorted, “Not quick enough I didn't,” he protested, “No, instead I let everyone talk me out of it, over and over again, getting sucked into the stupid fairy tales around here.” he shook his head, hitting the wall again, “All these people, they knew he was there, they just kept staring at him, like it was something funny, making up all this stupid crap. He was a kid that needed help.”

“Oh Tallen,” she reached up and cupped his cheek, turning him toward her, “You know its not like that, they're not bad people, they didn't mean anything by it. They just...they didn't grow up in the Port City like you did, we don't get strangers way out here. They didn't know what to think. It was the wrong thing, but not because-”

“I know that,” he quietly interrupted, taking his hand off the wall and placing it against hers, “I know...but the guy I'm really mad at isn't here, and I don't even know his name to curse it. So just indulge me now, please.”

She gave him a small smile, brushing her thumb gently along his cheek. “They're horrible people. Should be hanged, every one.”

Tallen gave a weak laugh, turning his head enough to kiss the palm of her hand. “Thank you,” he said sincerely, “I love you.”

“He need a healer?” she asked now, “for his injuries?”

He shook his head, “Oh, no, its...scarred over.”

She gave him a solemn look, “If its not from recent days, that's not on you either.”

He wanted to argue, but didn't know what to say.

She ran her fingers through his hair. “You did a good thing, you shouldn't be beating yourself up over it.”

He knew she had a point, but he couldn't help blaming himself for his own inaction, all the time spent watching him

(watching me...?)

and looking the other way again.

“How does he seem otherwise?”

Tallen shook his head grimly, his lips pressed tight together. “I don't rightly know, he hasn't said a single word. Truthfully, I'm not sure he's understood a thing I've said to him.”

“But you got him to come here?”

“Mostly by grabbing his arm and pulling,” he replied, “He was so scared of me, near jumped when I touched him.”

“He wasn't fighting the whole way?”

“No, he calmed down. But it didn't last.” He leaned his head into her touch, trying to take comfort from it even as he admitted, “Saren, I don't know that I can do this.”

She smiled at him, “You got through to him once, you can do it again. Don't give up so quickly.”

“He just seems so...” Tallen searched for the right word, “fragile, I worry what I could do to him while trying.”

She pulled him down the more than half a foot difference in height to give him a kiss. “I have faith in you.”

Tallen grinned, her words restoring some confidence. Her belief alone had gotten him through a lot, he could handle this, too.

“So,” Saren took a step back, folding her hands together, “shall I go eat at the hall by myself? Bring you back something later?”

Seeing her wisdom, he nodded gratefully, “Yes, that would be best.” Didn't want to leave the man alone, didn't want to overwhelm him.

“Ada wanted my help with something,” she continued, “After I bring you some food I could go see her, be gone for much of the night.”

“Yeah, that would be best,” he smiled, “Thank you love, so much.”

“Its not a problem,” she assured, then, “Remember Tallen, you're a good man, a charming man. Just be yourself, you should be fine.”

Alone once more, he tried to cling to her comforting words, but tension wound its way through him again. Taking a deep breath, Tallen turned back around, peeking in the opening where the divider wasn't pulled all the way over.

He saw the man right away, seated cross legged in the middle of the bed and facing Tallen's direction, calmly watching him. He had pulled his white fur coat around himself again, Tallen saw him holding it closed with a free hand.

Tallen breathed a sigh of relief that the man seemed okay again. He hesitated speaking, but went for it anyway, “You feeling better now?”

The man blinked at him, his eyes fluttering closed, took a deep breath, “...yes.”

His heart almost stopped in his surprise, “So you can talk?”

The man's eyes opened again, “...yes.” He was soft spoken but hoarse, his speech hesitant and stilted.

With some renewed confidence, Tallen walked forward and pushed the divider aside, standing in the doorway. “Why didn't you...why didn't you say something earlier?”

The man's light blue eyes darted back and forth, delicate features scrunched in thought. “...it is...been...b-big, big time?...big?” he shook his head.

It took Tallen's mind a moment to catch up. “Long time?”

The man looked up, the corner of his mouth twitching in what might have been a smile, “...yes. Long...long, time. I am, not...in practice. It...rusted?”

“You're rusty?”

“...yes.” The man's lip twitched again, “Sor-ry. I think better...when calm.”

Tallen nodded. “Its all right, I understand that.” he squashed down the urge to react in any way to the implications of that. Instead he asked, “Is it just speaking, or...do you have any trouble understanding me? Now or earlier?”

“...no. I do,” a long pause, light blue eyes met his own steadily, “...Tah-len.”

He smiled at hearing his name spoken. “Tallen,” he corrected the odd pronunciation, “Yeah, that's me.”

This time the man's lip twitch turned into a full on smile, small but genuine, a most welcome sight after everything. Tallen felt a surge of warmth through his chest, melting into relief and he walked all the way into the room, kneeling down on the floor by the bed in front of where the man was seated.

“I'm sorry,” he said, “for anything I did that upset you.”

“...no,” the man shook his head, “its...o-kay. Not your fault.”

Tallen smiled, that was good to hear. “Are you...are you all right?” he asked, “Physically?” his eyes drifted down to the man's chest, hidden again from view.

The man's hand clutched tighter at his coat, he looked away. “...yes. I am...whole. Well.”

Tallen looked the man over, and he did seem well, physically speaking. It was a good thing, though it raised disturbing questions about the time line. “What happened to you?” he heard himself asking, “How did you...get here, like this?”

He heard the sharp intake of breath, saw the tension returning to that too thin body; eyes watching him filling with fear again, just when Tallen was getting used to its absence. “No! No...I'm sorry,” he took it back, “Sorry, never mind.” He reached out, wanting to touch him, be comforting; thinking better of it last second and placing it on the bed next to him instead. “Its not important,” he said, maintaining calm, “Not right now. Whenever you're ready. If you're ready.”

Caught just in time, the man relaxed quickly, staring down at his nearby hand, he started to smile again.

“Just...” Tallen thought of how to work this to keep the answer as simple as possible. “Is there some place you're supposed to be? Someone that will miss you, might come looking for you?”

The man looked down, his hair falling forward just in front of his eyes; such a sad image. He answered in a whisper, “...no. I'm alone now.”

Tallen couldn't stop himself this time, and though he felt the man's muscles tense under his touch, though he did jump, he wasn't afraid and he didn't move away. “No, you're not,” he insisted, “You got me now.”

The man's eyes moved off from his hand to his face, staring in open wonder.

“Like I said,” Tallen continued, “You can stay here, as long as you need.”

Light blue eyes blinked slowly, the next warm smile was just wide enough to see a row of teeth. “...thank-you.”

Tallen pulled his hand back, feeling a lot better about things now. “So,” he happily changed topics, “You got a name?”

---

He slipped soundlessly out the door and into the open air. The sun was just starting to come up over the horizon, not as good a view as he would've gotten on the hilltop but not bad either. It was still early enough that only a couple of people were out, but even the vague circle of dark, silent homes felt oppressive, looming over him like a sentient presence; he could remember being frightened of small spaces and enclosing walls, but for the past several days that had become almost safe, especially compared to this. He couldn't decide what shook him worse, seeing them or not but knowing they're there; or perhaps knowing there would be plenty of time in which to make up his mind.

Wrapping his arms around himself, he hurried off in the direction he had seen him head off in, through one of the longer buildings he gathered was public, into the left of two doors.

It was hot in the room, steamy, a bit of a shock to his delicate system, he had to pause just inside the door to adjust. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that golden blond head splash up out of an over large wooden basin in the center of the room; wiping water from his eyes, Tallen turned to look at him, blinking in confusion. “Hey...something wrong?”

He froze for a moment, it was still so intimidating having those pine needle green eyes focused on him, to be seen and known...frightening in its power, but so quickly its become more frightening to be away from those eyes, at least here he didn't feel so lost and confused. He took a deep breath, working hard to pull up the correct words, “...you didn't come back.”

“I'm sorry, I thought you were sleeping.”

He shook his head, he never slept much but stayed quietly in the room given to him. He heard Tallen leave every morning and would feel even more unsettled each time it happened; this time he tested his instinct and followed. Just as soon as he could convince himself to step beyond the doorway he was so afraid to cross before.

Tallen looked regretful, “I'm sorry,” he said again. Tallen took his promise to look out for him very seriously and he could tell the man was glad he was relaxing in his presence even if only a bit, that he felt it made up for what he saw as mistakes on that first day. He was growing to enjoy the sight of that smile when he was the cause.

“I got to go traipsing around the woods today on errand,” Tallen continued, brushing back his wet hair, “You could come along if you like.” Seeing his visible hesitation, Tallen added, “It'll be just me otherwise, usual partner's taken ill.”

He paused to consider it, which sounded worse; leaving his new safe zone or staying there without one of the things that made it safe. It was too hard to decide, “...may-be.”

Tallen smiled, understanding, “Well, the offer's there if you want.” After a moment he reached down outside the basin to grab up a towel he left on a near by stool. “Well, I'm about done here now.”

He waited but Tallen remained where he was, watching him expectantly. He frowned in question, which only made Tallen frown, too. He raised a dripping hand, moving his index finger in a small circle; he mimicked the motion, his eyes darting back and forth between Tallen and his own hand moving in front of his face, searching for some clarity.

Tallen laughed, “Turn around.”

He obeyed, albeit reluctantly, moving very slowly and waiting to hear Tallen tell him to stop, which only happened when his back was fully turned.

He tried not to let on just how nervous this made him. “...now what?”

“Now you stay there and I get out,” there was some humor in his tone.

He tried to hold on to that as he listened to Tallen move around behind him, never coming too close at least from what it sounded, but who really knew when you couldn't see. That wasn't the only thing that bothered him as he stood still, taking deep breaths of the uncomfortably humid air; a sinking sensation in his chest as he replayed the scene in his head.

When Tallen gave him the cue, he turned back around slowly, his arms around himself, his eyes lowered, “...I did something wrong?” it wasn't quite a question.

Tallen was dressed and vigorously scrubbing the towel through his wet hair. He took in the guilt in his face and immediately waved it away. “Its okay, don't worry about it.”

“...sure?”

“Sure,” Tallen gave him a comforting grin, so easy his worries of having embarrassed himself lifted away.

After a moment, Tallen's eyes lit up in thought. “Oh hey, you haven't been out here before. You want in?” he gestured behind him at the large basin. “I activated the aether myself, so its still really hot. Feels great in there, worth getting up early for.”

He frowned as Tallen walked around him, urging him forward, “Go on, you'll feel better. I can wait for you, no problem.” He tried his best to convey the words he couldn't catch; Tallen misunderstood, “Oh, don't worry about it.” he said with a smile, putting a hand over his eyes and turning around.

He gave up, glancing back at the basin, trying to think back to what he saw when he first walked in. Uncertain, he removed the borrowed clothes Tallen provided him with, using the stool to climb into the water.

Tallen hadn't been lying, it was hot against his chilly skin, another shock to his system. He had to slowly ease himself in, taking several deep breaths; he worried for a minute there he might melt.

“You okay back there?” Tallen was asking, starting to turn his head but stopping himself, “Can I...?”

He made an agreeable noise, his body temperature slowly adjusting itself to the heat and steam.

Tallen turned back around, smiling, “Nice?”

“...hot.”

One and the same, Tallen seemed satisfied, “So, I'll give you a few here, go back to the – or, or do you want me to wait outside for you?”

So much, he wasn't sure where to start. “Uh...I – I...what...what am I here?...do-doing, here?”

Tallen frowned, head cocking in confusion, “Wha – what do you mean?”

He stared down at the water, frustrated that he couldn't speak right, “...I don't know...what, you want...to happen? Why...you put me, here?”

Tallen's frown only deepened, “It – its a bath,” he said, “You really don't-”

And now he only felt worse; it wasn't his poor communication skills, it was his lack of knowledge. He didn't know what to do with that, and Tallen must think him such a-

“Okay, okay!” Tallen spoke loudly over him, then reeled it back in, a deep breath and the picture of calm, “Its okay, not a problem.” He had his coat in hand but hung it back up on the wall and slowly wandered over, taking a seat on the nearby stool.

He was handed a vial and a cloth, “You pour that on your skin, scrub it in and rinse it off.” Seemed simple enough.

After a moment, speaking carefully, Tallen asked, “So, what do you usually do when you want to clean off?”

He glanced over, shrugging at the odd question, “...swim in the lake.”

Tallen gaped, “Oh wow, you must not be from around here then.”

He confirmed, “...no.”

“Yeah, you don't want to be jumping into water around here, we'd have to drag you to the healer to chisel the frozen bits off.”

He nodded, trying for a smile.

“So...was it pretty far away?” Tallen approached the topic reluctantly; he knew the man was curious, but it still hadn't been discussed.

This one was easy enough. “Yes...far away...where I was born.”

“City? A town?”

He shook his head then shrugged.

“Rural, like this?”

“...yes.”

Tallen nodded, “Makes sense.” At his confused look, he elaborated, “That you could survive alone so long. And be so baffled by a bath.”

He smiled, pleased it all made sense.

“So...” he was all reluctance again, “How did you get from wherever to all the way out here?”

His smile slipped away, eyes turning back down to the water.

(why must you ask...)

“I bet that explains the turning things, too,” Tallen quickly interrupted the silence. Turning back to him again, he read apology in those intense green eyes. “Because I mean if you're diving into a lake in the open like that, privacy would be a hard thing to enforce. Right?”

Filled with gratitude, he nodded, “...yes.” Then, “Is that what I did wrong?”

“I told you, don't worry about it. Especially now,” Tallen leaned his elbows on the rim of the basin, relaxing into a conversation, “I'm interested in stuff like that, you know? Other places, cultural differences, things like that.”

Still hunched forward in the water, he glanced over with interest, “...yes?”

“Yeah. I didn't grow up in Whitewood, I'm actually from the Port City, do you-”

“I know it,” he quietly confirmed.

Tallen didn't ask this time, just nodded, “There were a lot of ships coming in there, mostly traders, some spiritual pilgrims since one of the major elemental temples is there, as well as a Watcher's Lighthouse. I got exposed to a lot of different people, customs, ideas.” He grinned, “I wanted to travel, you know, see the world, experience all that for myself. And not just an idle dream, I had serious plans. I made friends with a trader, he was going to let me on his boat.”

He raised his head, frowning in concern, “If that's what you wanted, why didn't you do it?”

Tallen shrugged, “Fell in love, got married. Which I wanted to do, too, of course. I thought I could do both, but I met Saren earlier than expected so, had to make a choice.” He smiled warmly, “I made the right choice.”

He carefully studied Tallen's features; satisfied with the sincerity he saw there, he nodded.

“I'm still interested though,” Tallen continued, “even if I don't get the chance to indulge it much anymore way out here. So I'd love to hear about it sometime.”

He blinked, “...what?”

“Your...where you come from,” he said, “Not...not anything you don't want to – don't want to talk about. Just little things, about the place.”

“...there's nothing to tell.”

“I'm sure there's something. Like getting to swim in the lake.

“...that's interesting?”

“To me it is. I've never been able to do that, too damn cold.”

“...no hot spring?”

“I wish, but no, not that I know of.” He grinned, “What was it called? Where you were born?”

“...home?”

Tallen laughed, “That rural, huh?”

“...yes.”

“Were you settlers?”

He paused, “...in a sense.”

“Is this a second language for you?”

He nodded, “...yes.”

“I thought so,” Tallen smiled, “You do really good with it, you know, for someone who hasn't spoken it in a while...spoken at all in a while.”

“...thank-you.”

“Say something in your native tongue.”

He complied, with a little less hesitance than usual.

“That's pretty. What did you say?”

“...that I didn't know what to say.”

Tallen laughed, “I never heard confusion sound so eloquent.”

Looking into Tallen's smiling face, he felt his own lips pull upward, his shoulders started to shake, just a little, which only delighted Tallen further. Relaxed for the first time since, he leaned back against the basin and ran fingers through his dampened hair.

When next he looked, Tallen was no longer smiling. Green eyes were focused on him but lower than his own, his lips pressed tight together in a way that suggested he was trying to keep from grimacing. He was confused again, until he glanced down and realized what Tallen was looking at.

He placed a hand against the ruined skin on his chest, feeling the jagged marks. “...it upsets you?”

“It upsets me that someone did that to you,” Tallen corrected with forced calm.

His hand curled into a fist, his skin felt so warm. “You don't...you don't have to, feel like...it was – it was my...” Mind caught up, the words died in his throat.

It didn't matter, Tallen stared at him in horror. “It was your what?” he asked slowly. Eyes lowering away from that intense gaze, he raised a hand to cover his mouth. Tallen's own quickly shot out, gripping him surprisingly gently for the force of his movements, and pulled the hand away. “It was your what?”

He couldn't speak, just shook his head; that only seemed to make Tallen angry, “It was your fault? Is that what you were going to say?”

(but you don't understand...)

“Don't you ever say that,” Tallen's fingers gripped his wrist, light but unyielding, “Don't even think it. No one deserves that, no one. Especially not you.”

(but you don't know...)

He could see the mind behind pine needle eyes working, first widening and then narrowing as it came to some conclusion. “It wasn't a stranger, was it?” Tallen asked in a near whisper, like he almost didn't want to be heard, didn't want the answer. “How old were you?”

He wished he could run away but there was no where to go, no where to hide. He didn't want to answer, he couldn't do it, he knew he couldn't. “...long ago,” he lips moved unbidden, barely made a sound.

Tallen looked horrified, “You're not that old...you were a child?” He didn't say anything; Tallen's clinging hand finally left his wrist, the man dropping his head into it instead, “You think it can't get worse.”

His eyes burned and he wasn't sure why; he never felt so ashamed. “I'm sorry,” he whispered, voice wavering, “I'm so sorry.”

“What for?” he couldn't see the face, but the voice sounded upset, “You didn't do anything.”

(but I did...)

“I just need to ask one thing,” Tallen lowered his hands, revealing his tired, watery looking pine needle eyes, “One thing, and then we can go back to not talking about this as much as you want.” He offered no protest; Tallen swallowed and asked, “Do I need to worry about protecting you from someone that might show up here looking to finish the job?”

It took him a moment to follow what Tallen was asking. “Oh...no,” he shook his head, “...dead.”

Something in Tallen's face hardened, “Good,” he spoke quietly, “Good, good, great, glad to hear it.” he ran fingers through his hair, “I know you're not supposed to think things like that, but in this case I don't care. Anyone who does something like that to an innocent kid doesn't deserve to live.”

He smiled, just a little, a strange warmth spreading through his chest, “...I thought so, too.”

Tallen looked over at him, the hardness in his eyes slowly vanishing to be replaced with something soft. Then there was a hand on his shoulder, and though he saw it coming he still jumped, a motion that seemed greatly exaggerated with the accompanying splash.

Tallen immediately took his hand away. “Sorry.” He wanted to tell him he needn't worry, it hadn't taken long of watching him interacting with his wife to see Tallen was a tactile man; he liked touching things, it was affection and comfort and establishing connection for him. He knew Tallen held back a lot on his account and he appreciated that; if the man slipped up every now and then, it might still frighten him but he could hardly blame him for it.

“Sorry,” Tallen said again, then barked a humorless laugh, shaking his head. “Gods within, no wonder you're so jumpy.”

He frowned, “...jumpy?” he wasn't familiar with the term, not in this context.

“Yeah, you know...jumpy,” Tallen mimed jerking away from something, raising both his arms defensively, peeking out from behind them with widened eyes. “Jumpy.” he laughed then more genuinely, “I'm sorry, that was really horrible.”

He understood. “Oh!...no, that's not...I am – jumpy...always.”

Tallen looked at him, “Yes, well, it sounds like you always had reason.”

He looked calmly back, “...not...not always.”

(watching from afar...everything calm, peaceful, perfect...as it should be...)

“And not anymore,” Tallen quietly added.

(not...anymore...?)

A small spray of water hitting him in the face effectively broke the mood; the smile on Tallen's face suggested friendly intentions, as did him offering a towel to wipe his eyes.

“Okay, say something else in the other language.”

He blinked, “...like what?”

“Something I can use with you. Like...how about we start with how are you and go from there?”

He blinked again, “...why would...you...?”

Tallen shrugged, “Why not? Like I said, I'm interested, and if it would be easier for you.”

Smiling again, so often lately, he took only a brief moment to think before coming up with the right words.

---

He heard the man coming up the hill after him, heard him several minutes before he actually appeared; it made him wonder how he could have completely missed it back on that first day. But he hadn't been expecting it then, never could've imagined...

Tallen stayed where he was, just in view, with a smile that looked almost relieved. “So this is where you went,” he called.

He nodded, adjusting his grip on the pole he had borrowed, “Where else would I go?”

Tallen ran a hand through his hair, “Well, I kind of thought you might have taken off.”

He frowned, “I wouldn't do that, I would tell you first.” After all this time, he owed the man that much. Not that he wanted to leave anymore, never even thought about it.

Tallen nodded, looking further relieved, “Well, I would hope so.” He paused, switching languages for what he said next, “You seemed upset.”

He smiled, it always made him happy when Tallen did that, even if it wasn't strictly necessary he liked what the gesture meant. Tallen was at a point now where they could hold a conversation like this, not a particularly deep one but they could keep it going a bit. He answered in kind, “It was not at you.”

“I still feel like I should apologize.” Tallen started walking forward again, coming to join him at the river's edge. “I just – what I said, I meant...whoa.” Crouched down on the snowy ground next to him, Tallen's eyes were fixed on the basket full of caught fish. “Are you sure you can't just open your mouth and have them jump right in?”

He grinned, “...no.”

“Are you sure? Have you tried?”

“I'm not magic, just...patient.”

“Uh, no. I'm patient, I can't do that.”

“You are...heavy handed. You scare them away.”

“Oh, is that what I'm doing wrong. Well, I guess you would know, better than me. Or probably anyone else here.”

He quietly accepted the compliment as it was given, even as he didn't understand what was so remarkable about it.

Tallen paused a moment before returning to his original point, “What I said earlier...I wasn't trying to tell you I wanted you to get out of the house, I wasn't ordering you, I was just trying to tell you that you can leave. I didn't take you in so I could have myself a house slave that'll follow me around and pick up my dirty laundry. I love having you around, I do, but...you are allowed to have your own life, if you want.”

He had known that was what the other had meant when it was first said that morning. If he had known Tallen would misinterpret so badly (and how he hated to see him upset, especially when he was the cause) he would've struggled to talk, to explain. He did so now, squeezing the fishing pole in his hands, switching back to the just slightly more familiar language, thinking Tallen would still be able to follow. “...I know that. I don't think you are...trapping me. My choice, I want to stay where I'm safe.”

He heard Tallen sigh quietly at that, “I keep telling you, I promise no one here will hurt you.”

He nodded, “I know you say that, I believe you.” If he had really thought otherwise he would've left already. “That's not...not it.” He thought of Saren and how difficult it was to get used to being around her; progress was being made, slowly, he could be alone with her without feeling a need to hide from her behind the divider in his own room, though he still had problems speaking to her and she sometimes forgot not to take it personally. And she was just one person.

He continued, “I know you say, this place, is small...very small. But I don't...I don't see it. Its not, to me, so many...people, more than I can....I'm not used to it, and I don't like – being stared at.” He still was, too, though not as bad as at the beginning; Tallen had told him people thought him a ghost, some apparently believing it well enough to be amazed to see him solid and walking among them. He still garnered attention as the little seen outsider, taken in by the former outsider, sometimes comes out early in the morning to follow Tallen around.

He looked the man in his pine green eyes, “People scare me...I can't help it...I don't think it will change.”

Tallen looked grim, his eyes turning away, “...I didn't think of that.” They never talked anymore, about before. He knew Tallen had ideas, nightmares about who he lived with before, how they kept him locked in a box, whipped him, tried to eat him, things along that line, thought it but never asked. That conversation he once feared more than anything, Tallen's demand for answers he didn't know how to give, never materialized; eventually he overheard Tallen confessing to his wife that he wasn't sure he wanted to know anymore. “Its not like there's anything I can do about it now,” he'd heard Tallen say, “He's here now, and the people who did that to him aren't even alive for me to hunt down...what I've got in my head is bad enough, I don't think I want to hear him confirm its even worse than that.” He had been so relieved to have the decision be all his again; he didn't want to talk, he wanted to forget.

“Sorry,” green eyes turned back to him, “I still screw up on that, huh?”

He shrugged, it never bothered him much. “I worry sometimes,” he admitted, “that I'm a...burden, to you.”

“You're not a burden,” Tallen was quick to protest, “I love having you around. You entertain me.”

He smiled at the sincerity, but shook his head, “Not what I meant.” He had to think a minute, make sure he got this right. “I know that, here, everyone...they all, help out. I feel bad – guilty, that I don't.”

“You help me and Saren out plenty.”

“I know, but its...not just you. That's why I...” his eyes moved to the full basket at his side. “I can do this,” he offered.

“This?” Tallen followed his gaze, “Fishing?”

He nodded, “Its something I can do.”

“That you can.”

“And I can do it alone.” It was not standard practice for people to wander too far by themselves, but his survival skills were a cut above and few would argue his right to go where he pleased. “Being outside by myself again...maybe it will be good.”

“You know, the lake is closer,” Tallen pointed out, “There's fish there, too, less of a walk.”

He smiled, “I like it here, its safe here. And its not that far away.”

“If you say so,” Tallen watched him, “If this is what you want, the village would thank you. With your magic touch, we'll be swimming in fish in no time.”

He shook his head at Tallen's continued awe; it made him happy though, he'd be lying if he said otherwise.

“But only if its what you want,” Tallen quietly insisted, “Really, I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything. If you feel safest in the house, then stay. Doesn't matter how things usually are, this isn't...its not usual. Anyone who doesn't like it can talk to me, and no one is saying anything.”

He smiled softly, “Thank you, for that. But its okay.” He tilted his head up to look at the sky. “I missed this. Outside, alone.”

Tallen nodded, “Okay, if it makes you happy.” He grinned, “I'm glad you're not mad at me.”

He shook his head, “Never with you.” With himself at times, with the circumstances; never at the man who didn't ask to be a part of either.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?” Tallen asked now, “Just don't stay gone all day, I'll start worrying again.”

He looked over at Tallen with a shy smile. “You...you don't have to,” he spoke in a whisper, embarrassed to say, “I don't mind you.” It was true, always had been from first sight; Tallen never felt like other people to him.

The smile he got in exchange made his throat constrict, his eyes burn; Tallen loved being the focus of his attention and trust, as either were awarded rarely. “Well,” he responded, equally quiet, “since I came all the way out here already, today I'll take you up on that.” His grin broadened, “Besides, I want to see for myself how this works.”

He sighed, trying for exasperated but it was not serious. “I tell you, its nothing special.”

“And I guess I will see that for myself,” Tallen rearranged himself on the ground, folding his legs under himself, getting comfortable. “You should try it my way, just once, just to see what happens.”

“...what way?”

“Open your mouth, try to call them in.”

He narrowed his eyes, thinking of Tallen's typical playful actions, weighing his options; letting his bare hand skim over the surface of the river, sending a small spray of water Tallen's way.

Tallen spluttered, wiping the edge of his coat across his face. “Are you nuts?” he asked, but he was laughing, “That's freezing.”

He calmly dried his hand on the sleeve of his same white fur coat, shrugging dismissively, “Its not that bad.”

---

He jumped hearing the door slam shut in the main room, Tallen's voice yelling angrily after his wife as she left, then another loud noise he thought might have been the man's fist hitting the wall. He could feel his heart hammering in his throat, upset and numb, a part of him wanting to hide in his bed, stay quiet, pretend nothing happened; he made himself grip the divider and gently pull it aside.

Tallen spun around at the noise, his face surprised and horrified. “Oh shit, shit! You're not supposed to be here. I thought you left already.”

He lowered his eyes, his hand tightly gripping the edge of the divider, “I – I slept in.” Then, “I'm sorry.”

Tallen fell back against the wall, knocking his head back on it very deliberately, closing his eyes. “No, I'm sorry,” he sounded drained, “I'm sorry you had to hear all that. I swear, I wouldn't have gotten into it with her if I'd known you were there.”

He kept his head lowered, barely glancing at Tallen from below his lashes; he could feel his body wanting to shake, not wanting to ask the question, fearing the answer, knowing he had to. “Do I...do I have – to leave?”

Tallen's eyes snapped back open, his head raising from the wall. “No,” he said, then again with even more conviction, “No. You don't have to go anywhere.”

“But – but...she said-”

“I don't care what she said,” Tallen interrupted, his voice rising, “This is my house, too, and I want you to stay.”

His heart pounded harder, almost painful; the words should've been a comfort, but he couldn't help but react to the anger even if it wasn't directed at him.

Tallen took several deep breaths, moving away from the wall and sitting beside the fire. He gestured toward him, “Come here, sit down with me. We'll...talk, about this.”

He couldn't help the reluctance he felt, but he did make himself walk over and sit down an arm's length away. He couldn't face Tallen, so Tallen turned to face him.

“Look, I told you when I first brought you here that this was your home for as long as you need it. That's still true, you're not going to be turned out, so don't worry about it.”

He let the words wash over him, let himself feel relief that he was still safe here. But he wondered it that relief wasn't a guilty one. He forced himself to speak, “Its been...a long time now.” echoing some of what he had overheard, “Maybe...too long?”

Tallen nodded calmly, “It has been a while. And its true, when I brought you here, I didn't think it would be so long. But then, I did have some very unrealistic ideas,” he smiled a little, uncomfortably at old mistakes, but glad it was mostly behind them now. “But you know,” he continued, “just because its been a while doesn't mean you've overstayed your welcome. It just means you've become family.”

He blinked at that, now looking up at him, “...family?”

Tallen smiled at him, “Yeah, family. And not like that...whatever, you had before. Good family.”

(...family...)

(but I don't deserve that...)

“Does that really surprise you?” Tallen frowned, “I would've hoped it'd be obvious. I mean, have I been-”

“No,” he interrupted automatically, “Don't...don't feel-”

(don't feel that for me...you don't know...I don't deserve it...)

“Its not you,” he stuck to what he knew Tallen needed to hear, what would soothe him and move things along. “Its...me, I can't...can't help it.” He smiled, “Thank you. For everything.” He had never been more sincere in that.

Tallen smiled back, “Good, I'm glad you know that.” he said, reaching out and laying a brief hand on his shoulder; he still jumped but he accepted it, best he could.

“Saren feels the same,” Tallen continued, green eyes quietly imploring, “She doesn't want you to go either, not really. This whole thing...it doesn't have anything to do with you. I promise, you haven't done anything and you aren't going anywhere.”

He frowned, “Then what...why are you...fighting?” It might not be his business, but he wanted to know that Tallen wasn't just trying to make him feel better.

Tallen shrugged a little wearily, “I guess we're just at that point now where the baby is making her a little crazy. Its, um...its not taken much, just lately. Last couple weeks, I think we've fought about everything under the sun, its...its definitely not just you.”

His frown deepened, he hadn't noticed; that they were both stressed yes, but not that things were this bad. He wondered if the guilt he felt was rational. “I'm...sorry.”

“Oh, don't be. I hear tell its perfectly normal. Which doesn't make it any more fun, but it does mean it will pass.” Tallen gave him a smile, a clear request for him to relax. “Another month and a half, the baby will be here, and we're going to be so glad to have another pair of hands around here, we might not let you leave even if you begged.”

He tried to smile back, “And I won't...get in the way?” more echoing from the overheard argument.

Tallen waved that away, “No, of course not. I mean I won't lie, things are going to be...a lot more chaotic around here, more than I'm sure you're going to like. I'll try to make sure you get plenty of time on your own, but that will be for your sake, not ours. You're not going to be in the way. And Saren grew up in this house, so she knows exactly how many people can comfortably live here and its more than four. Like I said, this isn't about you.”

“My room was...it was the baby's?”

“At one point that was the plan. But all this means is we have to shift some stuff around, its not a big deal.”

Again, thinking back to the argument, “...what about, when you have more kids?”

Tallen looked pained, his friendly smile draining away, his eyes moving to stare into the fire. Concerned but never certain what to do, he watched and waited uneasily for an answer. Tallen's eyes closed, “We're not going to have more children.”

He tilted his head in confusion. “But, she said...it sounded like...she wanted more.”

“She does,” Tallen calmly confirmed, “So do I. I've – we've – always wanted a big family. But what you want and what happens aren't always the same thing.”

He shook his head, “I don't understand.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Tallen turned to look at him again, “But I guess these things happen sometimes, we don't always know why.”

“I still don't...understand,” he thought he was again missing something obvious, “What...what's wrong?”

Tallen was patient, “Its okay, its not as though its something we talk about a lot, and everyone else goes out of their way to not mention it. But when we've been married close to ten years and we're only having our first child now, obviously something went wrong.”

“...what?”

Tallen shrugged, “Don't know. Healer here and one in the Port City couldn't find anything wrong with either of us. I know enough to know not all healers are created equal, maybe someone else somewhere would've seen something different, but its not like we can go running around all over the place on the off chance.” He shook his head, “Everyone kept saying it should happen, but it just never did. Years went by, and it just seemed more...impossible.” Tallen gave him a sad look, “Can I tell you something, I never told anyone else. I'd given up. Couple years back, I'd just finally said to myself its not going to happen. I mean I kept up the hopeful act for Saren's sake, because I knew she wasn't ready to deal with that, but I was trying to consider other options, what else we could do.”

He nodded, listening with interest, “It still happened...you couldn't have completely given up.”

Tallen laughed, “Uh, yeah, well...just because I wasn't expecting a pregnancy doesn't mean I gave up everything.” He ran his fingers through his hair, “And I suppose it could happen like that again, and it'd be great if it did. I'm just realistic enough to know it probably won't. It took this long to get lucky once, wait this long again and it'll be too late. I think...I think Saren just started to realize that, that might be why she's having a harder time right now.” He looked over at him again, “See, it really doesn't have anything to do with you.”

He nodded in acceptance, though he wasn't convinced that was entirely true; his eyes were burning again, he hated that feeling. “...I'm so sorry...for everything.”

Tallen smiled sadly, “Thanks, for that.” he said, “But its okay, you know. A couple years ago, it might not have been, but after having accepted everything was over...I'm ecstatic to have even the one chance. It might not be a big family, but at least I am going to be a father.” He shrugged, “And who knows, maybe it'll be a good thing, having only the one. He, or she, will get all of our attention, and that's got to be a good thing, right? I mean, I do know what it feels like to get lost in the crowd, this way my child will know they're loved and wanted.”

He felt a sudden warmth under his fingertips, looking up he saw his hand on the side of Tallen's face, having reached out and touched him without thinking. Tallen's eyes widened in surprise, this had never happened before; he could see the man quickly stuffing an excited utterance back down his throat, making himself stay still and silent, like he was a wild animal Tallen didn't want to scare away.

It was easier to speak than he would've thought. “This is what you want?” he asked, “What you really want? A child, to be a father?”

Tallen nodded against his hand, working to speak like this was normal, “Yeah, I do. More than anything else.”

He smiled, “Then I'm very happy for you.”

“Thanks,” Tallen was surprised, touched, “I'm – I'm happy for you, too.”

“...why?”

“Because you're going to be an uncle.”

He blinked, “Uh...uncle?”

Tallen grinned, “Of course, what did I just tell you? You're family, so what else should my child call you?”

There his eyes were burning again; he took his hand away, returning it tingling to his lap. “I...I don't know what to say,” he felt both pleased and shamed, “...thank you.”

“Don't mention it. You know, I do hope you eventually stop being so surprised by this.”

Surprised wasn't the right word; he wasn't sure what was in either language. Misplaced, like living a life that was never meant for him

(undeserved...I don't deserve this...)

“Feel a little better now?” Tallen asked him.

He nodded, able to admit that Tallen's explanation at least seemed plausible. “...you?”

Tallen winced, “Eh, its been hard to deal with, and this isn't making it easier.” he shook his head, “A month and a half, then I'll get my wife back.”

Again he felt guilty that he hadn't properly noticed; that might be the sort of thing he should learn to pay attention to, for Tallen's sake and the sake of repaying a debt he could never properly make right. There was an easy place to start, “...do you want to come out with me today?”

Tallen's eyes looked over at him, he could read the gratitude clearly, “Yes. Yes, I really do.”

---

Calren inherited his late grandfather's name, and his father's more prominent features. Also seemed to share his father's affection for and fascination with him; perhaps not a proper inheritance, perhaps something learned during those long periods of time seated atop the throne of his father's shoulders, listening enraptured to the words of wisdom the man whispered up. The boy, like his father, loved to touched and always wanted to be carried, be held, sit in his lap. That he knew was taught to him, Tallen using his son to do what he himself could not. Surely a little boy was less intimidating for him than a grown man coming up on twice his size; surely an innocent child wouldn't get pushed away.

Touch was still foreign and frightening and hard to accept, but he did try so as not to upset the child. It made it a little easier to be bigger, in control, the child easily shifted around as he needed, never picky just as long as he could stay close. He felt he was making some small bit of progress the longer he could sit there without making excuse to leave. Tallen always looked so happy, to see them together.

They joined him by the river's edge; Calren, thanks to his father's fantastic stories, convinced he could charm fish and always wanted to watch. Thankfully Tallen had sense enough to keep those visits to a minimum, letting him have the solitude he needed. But every other week or so, he would hear them coming up the hill after him.

Calren would be squirming restlessly to get down off his father's shoulders as soon as he was in sight; Tallen would manage to delay until there was only a few short yards to go before putting the boy down and letting him shoot forward, a tiny blur of motion that latched excitedly onto his leg as he rose to greet them. Small hands, clutching, reaching up; thin arms around his neck, little legs around his waist, the boy always felt so warm he could never quite get used to it. His hair was darker, far more red in the blond which seemed typical of the people in Whitewood, unlike his father's autumn gold; his eyes were darker too, more brown in the green. Same happy smile, same laugh, so similar in personality; amazing, he thought he understood at the times when the resemblance was most clear, what it was about this that made Tallen want it so badly.

Saren was with them as was usual, Tallen never went alone when he brought his son, wanting someone else there that could take the boy and run just in case there was trouble however unlikely that was. He didn't complain, he liked Saren as much as he could anyone else; she was a quiet presence that never imposed on him more than necessary. Tallen had not been lying that things calmed down after the birth, the newborn kept them tired but they didn't argue as much, and Saren was glad he was there to take over the small household chores. One day she cornered him and apologized for what he had overheard; he could tell it was hard for her to do, so he told himself to appreciate the effort, the meaning behind it, even if it was painful and awkward for him, even if he'd had no idea what to say.

The two of them settled themselves nearby, stretched out by the river; sometimes Saren brought knitting with her, though mostly she just sat back in her husband's arms, taking this as a time of relaxation as he did, holding quiet conversation, enjoying the peace. Sometimes Tallen would shoot a question his way so he would feel included, though it wasn't really necessary. Calren arranged himself on his lap, helping to hold the fishing pole and telling him stories he was expected to take very seriously, however amusingly outlandish they were.

He loved these times, often more than the solitude he still and always would need. Being here in this spot, his one time sanctuary and sentinel post, where he sought to lick his wounds and try as best he could to find some redemption, and now sharing this safety with his...family. With these people who made themselves his family.

It was a good life.