Camping Can Be Fun - 6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Steven acted as though nothing had happened and, as the day progressed, my doubts and fears eventually made their way to the back of my mind. Another barbecue was arranged, this time on the beach beside the lake. Afterwards a little campfire was built at the edge of the lake around which we had naturally congregated. We were all getting on as one big group now, as though we’d known each other for years. I felt as though we’d all come here together as friends… I felt like I knew everyone. The boys, thankfully, behaved themselves and kept mine and Adam’s relationship a secret from Steven and Lisa. Likewise Adam and I kept a deliberate distance from each other and kept up the illusion of us being “just friends”. I found it surprisingly difficult.

The excitement of being in this new relationship was coursing through me at all times and not being able to do anything about it was torture, like teasing a dog with a bone, and this dog really wanted that bone, if you catch my drift.

However I proved to be a good boy and didn’t give into any temptations. We all talked and joked around, everyone getting to know each other better. Steven, Lisa and Karl shared a few beers, but the rest of us refrained from drinking, the thought not seeming appealing after the copious amounts that had been consumed the night previous. It was getting darker, and it was almost as if the impending night meant that it was time for the conversation to become more “adult”. Steven started asking the other boys about girlfriends and if they were single or not and as you can imagine I began to feel very uncomfortable about the dodgy territory into which this topic was heading. He started on Joey first, the youngest at sixteen.

“No, I’m single at the moment,” Joey replied sheepishly.

“At the moment?” laughed Karl. “He’s never had a girlfriend; I don’t think he’s even hit puberty yet.”

“Hey, fuck you! Look who’s talking,” Joey shot back in defence.

“I kind of agree with Joe, there,” I said sticking up for him. “You are probably the most immature one here, Karl.”

“I don’t dispute that fact, but it doesn’t stop me getting the ladies,” he replied in a stupid voice.

“Yeah, but none of them stick around long enough for you to form a relationship, or, more often than not, find out their names,” piped in Adam

Lisa and Steven were laughing at this back and forth banter.

“Right, so Joey’s the virgin, Karl’s the man whore…”

“HEY!” interjected Karl and Joey together, but Steven pressed on.

“So where does that leave you?” he asked Adam. “Have you got a girlfriend or…”

I didn’t like that “or…”!

“Erm… well no, I haven’t got a girlfriend, I’m actually…” He stole a glance at me looking for guidance on what to say.

I knew it must be harder for him just now than me. He’s so used to being open and he doesn’t want to have to lie about who he is. I suddenly felt pangs of guilt for putting him through this. I mean who am I to control him like this?

“I’m single. Look, I don’t mean to be awkward or make you feel bad or anything, but I’m not very comfortable talking about this sort of thing, I recently got out of a, shall we say, complicated relationship and it’s still a bit hard to talk about.”

“Shit man, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you or anything,” said Steven extremely apologetically.

“No, don’t be stupid, it’s not your fault, you weren’t to know.”

A few moments passed in awkward silence.

“When are you going to sort out the relationship situation Dan?”

This is what I had been dreading. I felt that this whole conversation twist had been aimed at me from the start, and the “around the house” technique had been a ploy to deceive me.

“Good question,” I answered rather quickly and clumsily. “Erm…I guess no one’s stupid enough to have me,” I joked.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself; you’ve got loads going for you. Any girl would be lucky to have you.” said Steven looking directly at Adam. It was clear at this instant that Steven was trying to make a point. He knew, he had to know, why else would he be doing this, but how did he find out? Perhaps Joey or Karl had said something.

It was starting to get weird now and I really wanted to get away from the situation. I felt like Steven was playing some sort of cruel trick on me. Maybe he wasn’t going to be ok with the “new me”.

“I think I’m going to go and get some fire wood,” I said, rather desperately. “It’ll be dark soon and if we want to keep this thing going it would be best to get some wood now.”

I stood up and brushed myself off, making my exit from the awkwardness of the previous conversation.

“Good Idea, I’ll come with you,” said Steven quickly.

Great, just great, that’s all I need, I thought to myself.

But there was no excuse I could think of to stop Steven from accompanying me and so I walked with him away from the lake, my new friends, and of course Adam, towards the nearby woods in search of some firewood.

We walked in silence until we were in the woods; the atmosphere between us was undeniably very tense. It was horrible. I actually felt afraid.

I was convinced that a confrontation was about to occur, and then in confirmation, he put his hand out in front of me, gesturing for me to stop, but the weird part was he remained silent.

“What’s up?” I asked confused, actually taken aback by this abrupt halt with no supposed reason. I looked ahead thinking he may have seen something in the distance, but there was nothing there so my attention went back to Steven who was avoiding my gaze. He looked troubled.

“I need to speak to you.” He replied in a very worrying tone, still refusing to look at me.

I knew that I was about to find out what was going on, whether I liked it or not. He seemed very unsettled, worried even. Whatever was on his mind was making him feel as anxious as I was.

“What’s going on Steven?”

“I’ve done something bad.”

“What do you mean you’ve done something bad?”

“I’ve done something bad to you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’ve done something I shouldn’t have and I regret it.”

“Well… What exactly have you done?”

“I don’t know how to start. I don’t think I want to ask you.”

“Ask me what?”

But Steven became silent.

“Just spit it out for fuck’s sake. You’re only making it worse by prolonging whatever it is.”

“Ok, just don’t hate me.”

“I won’t hate you.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

He took a moment to collect his thoughts and then begun…

“Today, when you were swimming and me and Lisa got back from the hike, I noticed you guys had left your stuff at the lakeside and I thought it would be funny to go on your Facebook and write something stupid. It was meant to be a joke, but there was no signal on your phone so I couldn’t. But then, and I don’t know why I did it, I shouldn’t have done it, I know it was out of order, but…”

Suddenly it hit me…

“I looked at your texts…”

“Shit.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Shit.”

“Adam texted you, and you replied…”

“Shit.”

“I’m sorry Dan, but now that I’ve seen it, I need to know… Are you gay?”

“Shit.”

“Dan?”

“Fuck off! You have no right to ask me that, you have no right to be going through my phone,” I spat at him, shaking, fear and adrenaline coursing through me.

“I know, I know, but I’ve read it now. I read what he sent you and I’ve read what you replied. Just tell me, Dan, and I’ll believe whatever you say. Are you gay?”

I turned away from him and started pacing, desperately trying to work out what to do. My worst fears had been confirmed. My secret was out, my life was over, everyone was going to find out I was a fag. I started to tear up at the thought. What will my parents think if they find out like this?

“I can’t believe you’ve done this to me Steven.”

“That’s rich. I can’t believe you’ve done this to me.”

“What are you talking about? I’ve not done anything to you!”

“Oh no, of course you’ve not, you’ve just been lying to me since for-fucking-ever.”

“I haven’t lied to anyone.”

“Are you gay?”

“YES! ALRIGHT! ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW?” I practically screamed at him. I was so frustrated and hurt by what he’d done to me and what the consequences now were.

“Not really! Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Because I didn’t want you to hate me.”

I could see my last words had hurt him as he was also starting to tear up.

“You just don’t get it do you?” he said stressing out at me.

“Don’t get what?”

“I could never hate you Dan. I’m… I’m in love with you.”

“What?”

He lunged at me and I thought for a split second he was about to hit me, but I was too slow to react, dumbfounded by his last statement. He put his hands around my face and kissed me violently. It lasted a few seconds before I was able to struggle free.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I was completely staggered.

He pushed into me, kissing me again, knocking me against a tree which left me nowhere to back off to. He was much stronger than I was and I couldn’t force him off me. It wasn’t pleasant. He was being far too rough, and as he kissed me I could taste his tears which were now flowing freely down his reddened cheeks.

He continued to kiss me for a good fifteen seconds, before he gave up. I wasn’t responding to his advances and he could feel me struggling against him which seemed to put him off his stride. He backed away from me in anger and started kicking twigs and leaves on the ground.

“Steven…”

“What’s wrong? Why don’t you like this? What the fuck has he got that I haven’t? Why can you fuck him, but not me?”

He was so angry with me. I’d never seen him behave like this before. He was thrashing around so aggressively and erratically. I was terrified.

“Steven, it’s not like that, I’m in love with him.”

“Love?” he snorted. He started laughing maniacally. “Fucking love? You’ve just met him, how can you be in love with him? I’ve felt this way about you for years! YEARS DAN! You’re not “in love” you idiot, you have no fucking idea how much it hurts to be in love.”

“I know I hardly know him, but I am.”

“Why can’t you love me then if it’s so easy for you?” he said approaching me again, threateningly.

“What the fuck is this Steven? What are you doing this for? You’re not even gay.”

“You don’t know fuck all about me, nobody does. I’ve loved you since we were in school. I never had the balls to tell you. It’s been killing me for years.”

“But what about Lisa?”

“She means nothing to me. I started going out with her to hide what I am.”

I didn’t know what to say. A whole array of thoughts, feelings and emotions were racing through my mind which was starting to ache with this overload of information.

“You’re telling me that you’re gay too?” I asked trying to clarify what was going on.

“Yes.”

“And you’re in love with me?”

“I love you so much I feel like dying, because every time I’ve looked at you in the past I’ve known there could never be anything between us. That’s why I’ve been spending all my time with Lisa, so that I don’t have to keep punishing myself around you. But that all changed today. You have no idea how I felt when I read that text. At first I was devastated, but then it gave me hope. If you’re gay then there’s a chance you might feel the same way about me. Do you feel the same way about me?”

I didn’t answer. He was on the approach again and looked menacing. He had completely flipped out. This was not the Steven I knew. He would never scare me like this.

“DO YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY?” He shouted at me.

“Yes!” I gasped in shock

I should have lied to him, hidden the truth, but the word came out of my mouth before I had time to think it through.

This time it was his turn to be shocked. His expression had completely changed. He looked confused.

“Yes?”

“I mean… sort of. It’s complicated.”

“You have feelings for me?”

I decided at this point that perhaps honesty would be the best policy. I let out a heavy sigh before I began my explanation.

“Steven… fucking hell, your timing couldn’t be worse. I’ve felt the same way about you for a long time. I was going to tell you on this trip, I had it all planned, but then you got with Lisa and I just thought… well it put an end to things. I had to accept that we could never be together and that telling you would only distance us as friends.”

“But this is perfect, because now we feel the same,” he said delighted.

“But I’m with Adam now.”

“And I’m with Lisa. We’re both going to have to tell them how we feel about each other.”

He moved into me again and I suddenly wished I’d had the sense to lie, or at least move away from the stupid tree blocking my escape when I had the chance. He did however kiss me softer this time and it did feel quite nice. He tasted sweet, but salty at the same time from his tears. It was enjoyable and I kissed him back, but it wasn’t really how I’d imagined it so many times in my head. But then the guilt set in. The situation was unfortunate, but I had to be loyal to Adam. He deserved that at least after what he’d been through with his other boyfriends. I couldn’t put him through that again. Regardless of how long I’d known him I knew that I was in love with Adam. I had made a commitment to him and part of that commitment is staying faithful and not giving into temptations. I tried to pull away from the kiss and turned my head to the side.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry Steven, I can’t do this.”

“Don’t be stupid, of course you can, just give into it. We’re in love.”

He kissed my neck and my cheek before craning his neck round to meet my lips again. I put some aggression into my resistance this time and pushed him off me, forcing him back a few paces.

“Stop Steven! This isn’t fair to Adam, I love him too. Can’t you see what you’re putting me through here? You’re being a dick, you have a girlfriend!”

“Don’t be like that,” he said approaching me again and trying to put his arms round my waist.

I pushed him harder this time in his chest.

“Fuck off Steven!”

It all happened so fast. I saw him swing for me, and the next thing I knew I was on my back with the distinct taste of blood hitting my taste buds. It took a few seconds for me to realise what had happened, then the pain hit me and I reached up to my bottom lip, and then held out my hand in front of my face to look at the blood on my fingers.

“I’m so sorry Dan, I didn’t mean to…”

“STAY AWAY FROM ME!” I said rolling over and getting to my feet. “I don’t want to speak to you. You’re a fucking psycho! I’m supposed to be your friend.”

“You are my friend, I fucking love you Dan.”

“Yeah? Well you got a funny way of showing it.”

I turned and started to march away from him, but then I felt him trip me up from behind and I found myself back in the dirt. I rolled over to see him towering over me. He looked monstrous and I suddenly had the horrible feeling that I might not get out of these woods in one piece.

“I’m sorry Dan, but I can’t just let you run back to your little boyfriend. I’ve waited too long for this. I’ve suffered in silence for years and now you think you can take the piss out of me with a guy you barely met five seconds ago? You’ve just told me that you love me and now you’re trying to run away? Do you know what you are Dan? You’re a little prick tease! Well I’m taking what I want whether you like it or not.”

He dived on me and instantly covered my mouth just as I tried to scream. He dealt several quick punches into my stomach, which winded me and prevented me from breathing, let alone shouting. I felt him start to undo my jeans and I tried to fight him away, but his blows had taken all the energy out of my body and he quickly had them pulled down without me being able to stop him. He wasted no time in pulling my boxers down too, exposing my flaccid dick to the open air. I was in no way aroused by what was happening and was helpless to stop it.

He knelt on my stomach and started jerking me off as he undid his own jeans with his free hand. The weight of his body added to my pain, forcing me to gasp for breath. I kept trying to force him off me and get his hand away from my dick, but he just slapped my hands away when I did. He was already furiously masturbating both himself and me by the time I started to get my breath back, but when I did muster some energy again I reached down and grabbed the bastard by the balls, squeezing them as tight as I could.

He instantly stopped what he was doing and tried grabbing my arm, desperate to be released, but I just squeezed again and he rolled off me in agony. I let him go, staggered to my feet, pulled up my jeans and started running.

I didn’t know what I was going to do. I couldn’t really grasp what had just happened. My best friend, someone I was in love with had just assaulted me… sexually assaulted me.

I started sobbing uncontrollably as I ran from the woods. How far would he have taken it if I hadn’t fought back?

I kept running, not wasting time to look back. I was holding my side in pain from where he had punched me. I felt very sore.

I got clear of the woods and kept running for as long as I could, but I eventually ran out of breath, doubling over in pain from both the injuries Steven had inflicted upon me and a stitch that felt more like a knife in my side. I was forced to slow down and lower my pace to a walk. I checked behind me to see if he was following, but he was nowhere in sight. Breathlessly I staggered the rest of the way, having already decided where I needed to be and eventually, thank God, Adam came into my view. I tried to hold it together, but it was useless, I felt so relieved to see him.

“ADAM!” I shouted at the top of my lungs before collapsing into a sobbing heap on the ground.

He was still sitting round the fire with Lisa, Joey and Karl. I could hear him in the distance. “Dan? DAN? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! DAN!”

He ran to my side and cradled me in his arms. I sobbed into his chest, wetting his t-shirt with my never ending stream of tears. I couldn’t speak, I was hyperventilating, I was a complete wreck, but oddly enough, as distraught as I was, I felt safe. He made me feel safe.

He gently kissed the top of my head as he nursed me. The cat was definitely out the bag now. Steven knew, Lisa knew and I’m pretty sure most of the people nearby must have known too. Adam and I were more than “just friends”. Any doubts that I had felt previously in regards to the timing of things and my lack of experience were irrelevant. I was in love with this boy and he was making it quite clear that he was in love with me too.

No one dared interrupt; they merely huddled around looking concerned for me.

“What happened?” asked Adam soothingly

I got myself together, looked at everyone around me, then looked at Adam and answered…