Poetry in the Dark - 1. A letter to my boy.

To whom you are and who you may be

I’ll always know you as my Chuma boy.

For all I remember are words that were spoken with a voice so grazing. Words, that seemed to be the last for us. Though all I have are piercing eyes and an ever elusive image of your visage. I do know I love you dear.

In all the moments where I think of you, what I felt when first our eyes met and your smile opened my heart to something mystical that even the broadest vocabulary cannot describe. Ever since that moment where we saw each other, and realised our feelings of which none of us can describe. Ever since that day you closed my heart for any other man other than yourself. Ever since that day where I fell madly in love with you and you with I, I cannot help but try and place your face, know you, try and describe, or find you. I so badly want to find you, find out whether you too think of the day you fell for a boy you have never seen and had never met thereafter. A boy that was so frivolous and yet to the eyes of your soul seemed so precious, a boy that was swept off his feet by the gaze your hearts’ smile gave and pierced through deep down inside him.

Now a man awaits, a man with the heart of your boy, a boy that only you can invoke, for it was only you that knew him, without ever knowing him. I think of you and how your lovers treat you. Do they know that you are mine? Do they know that only I can steal your heart? Do they know that my love runs deep for you and yours for me? There are times where my soul shuts down and becomes consumed in darkness. These times my body and mind want to travel to a certain place. Could it be that your heart yearns for mine? Could it be that you call for me in times of your deepest despair? I whisper sweet nothings to you in these moments of darkness, I whisper all the soothing words they taught me. They all taught me these words but with you I whisper them with feelings I’ll never understand.

I don’t know how it came to that I could love a man that I don’t know, a man that in a minute was made to feel like and be the centre of my life. To once gaze in the eyes of a great love and lose it within seconds of laying eyes on it. We’ve been apart for too long, grown apart for too long. I stand here waiting for you to come look me in my eyes and sell me the love you sold me seven years ago. When all we did was stare from a distance and feel chemistry and love for each other. At times it seems as if God gives me your name, but would I ever know it to be yours? Will I ever know if it’s you that walks by? I know this sounds crazy, but it’ll only be crazy if you aren’t the man behind a counter giving me a lesson in loving humility.

To whoever you are, you have my heart and the dearest part of my soul.

Regards

The boy whose soul you left in a butchery that long lost hope.