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About Grunge_Ken

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    Port Elizabeth, South Africa
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    Reading, writing, fashion, dancing, feminist theories, and exploring different cultural norms.

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  1. Flashback “What happened? I could hear screaming,” Thembi asked as I walked into his room. “I couldn’t drop the wine glass on the floor because the bastard made the announcement when I was leaning on the kitchen counter. So, I decided to throw the glass at him. Tsala I was sure it was going to hit him, but he dodged and then it hit the wall. Guess what this drama queen does next?” I asked, so caught up in the thrill of it all. “What tsala?” he asked with this wide grin plastered on his face. “I go running to him, then kam shapa, kam shapa with those Brooke Logan hits, those weak ones. Then he threw me on the floor. That was when I went crazy with the cries, I’m sure you heard them. Fell in place, so I was right on top of the glass then I grabbed one and made sure it cut deep. When he tried to clean it for me, that’s when I made the big reveal. You should have seen him tsala, it was like someone told him his mother was a prostitute in Hilbrow.” That’s when Thembi and I laughed; we were practically rolling over with laughter. When we finally broke up the laughter he poured me another glass of wine. We sat up all of that night talking and I was filling him in about what happened with KG. We laughed and had what seemed to be the best time I’ve had for the past three months. KG may have ruined my original plan by dumping me first, but Thembi and I would come up with a second plan. Maybe he'd have to extend his holiday for another week. When I finally went to sleep I had only three hours before my first class. You’d think three hours sleep and an eight-hour working day would be too much for me, but I was so happy and well rested. It’s not the fact that I slept. No! It was the fact that I am so happy to get KG back. You dedicate so much time and energy to a person, you give them your heart, you tell them things you’ve never even told your twin, and guess what he does? He tells you he has a wife and his leaving you for her after he told you he wanted out of the marriage. To say I’m angry is an understatement and I know a lot of people will judge me for half of the things I will and have done but I’m a woman scorned and you know what they say about those. It had been three days since the fight and I told myself that I was ready to move on from it. I was hurt that KG still hadn’t spoken to me; everything was taking its toll but I was sure to move on from all of it. But life keeps moving like a rolling stone. So I went about my life and continued what I did best. “So, who can tell me why Meursault is not looking for redemption in this book?” I asked the small number of students in my class that day. As I scoped them out, I saw that they all had blank faces. “Okay, let me dumb this down and sensationalise it a bit. Let’s say your favourite celebrity… Lauryn Hill… yeah, that’s it. Let’s say Lauryn doesn’t pay taxes for six years and she gets busted. Why would she be calm and not mad about being arrested, or be willing to face the consequences?” No shade, I love Lauryn, but I had to find an example that would get them to react. But guess what? All I got were eye rolls and someone girl filing her nails. “Miss Bail, would you care to answer, or are your nails more fascinating than you passing?” I asked Bevany Bail as I tapped her on the shoulder. I knew I was picking on her, but I needed answers; I wasn’t hosting these classes for my own health. “Well, because the culprit knows what they did was wrong and accepts their wrong doing.” She answered. “Thank you for that philosophically rich answer.” I responded sarcastically, for usually the class was more alive and vibrant, but I guess everyone wanted to go home. So… “Since none of you want to partake, I think I’ll end the class and you can all go and do that which excites all of you. Class dismissed.” I saw the class start to eagerly get up and leave the venue. I made a mental note to give them a minor assignment due for the next class on the work I was covering on that day. On my way out I saw one of my students waiting for me at the door. “Sir…” he started. “Mat. Sir would be your lecturer; I’m just an assistant,” I replied with a smile. “Mat,” he said tentatively. “I wanted to ask about the question of suicide that was posed last week.” “What about it?” I responded. At that point the young man and I had already made our way out of the building and I was heading to the coffee shop to get a caffeine session. “Wait! Before you say anything, can we sit down? I want to grab a cup of coffee and answer you properly. That’s if you have the time.” “Actually, I only have thirty minutes before my next class.” “Okay, then fire away,” I said and stood, turned to him and looked at him. “Well, last week… Okay… Uhm… So, I’m sorry I don’t know how to put this,” he said nervously. “Just breathe. Remember I’m just a person, also remember that last week was a build-up to all the views and workings of Albert Camus that we will be doing. If you have a problem with his view on suicide then that’s fine, you can argue it all you want just as long as you understand his background. It seems like a whole lot of work, but start the way I started it; read about his background, google him and find quotes on him. Don’t make him an academic project; just treat him and his work like your favourite singer, that way you get comfortable with the work,” I said while gently patting the younger boy's arm. “Thanks, I think I’ll do that and see if I still have the same question. But what are your views on suicide?” he asked, throwing me completely off my game. “Personal opinion or the opinion the institution wants me to have?” I asked with a slight giggle. “Personal,” he said more confidently than when he started this conversation. “Well look, I think death in all forms is horrible and suicide is just a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But before I go on you’ve got to understand I’ve had people that I’m close with commit suicide, a few successful and a few not. What I’ve come to realise is that suicide is selfish, but us thinking suicide is selfish is selfish in itself; you think I’m crazy huh? Well, maybe I am, but I believe we all think more or less the same.” I received a nod from him at the last point and that urged me to go on. “However, when it comes to pain and suffering only one person feels the pain. One philosopher I’ve encountered stated that ‘the basis of the self is not thought but suffering, which is the most fundamental of all feelings. While it suffers, not even a cat can doubt its unique and un-interchangeable self. In intense suffering the world disappears and each of us is alone with his self.’ So we cannot judge people’s actions during their suffering, even when you think like that person, you haven’t and may probably never experience their pain the way they have and know how deep that pain and suffering goes.” I looked at the guy in front of me while he looked a little confused. “I hear you, but I don’t understand,” he said while scratching his head. “Have you ever suffered? Don’t answer me, but if you’ve ever been in pain or suffering you’ll understand. Think about it. Think about what I’ve said and how it links to your questions about suicide.” I gave him one last pat on the shoulder and walked off to go get my caffeine fix before my next lecture and a day of marking essays. That day all I thought about was the question on suicide and whether that would make sense for me with KG not answering me after I told him about me having AIDS and him leaving me for his wife. I may sound crazy but I had fallen madly in love with KG. When I say madly, I mean it in the literal sense. I went to go and catch my cup of coffee at my favourite place on campus and as I was thinking about how KG would never talk to me I got a message from him. I message that got all the crazy in me to come out. “It’s over between us; I never want you to contact me ever again. You put my entire life at risk, I could never forgive you. P.S. I’m negative. Keep your sickness to yourself” That was when I decided to go and retire into my office, let out a few tears and after that. After the tears, came blood. He was the first to draw blood in this war on love but I would be the last one standing. I would hurt him more than he hurt me. *** After that message he sent me I went to talk to Thembi. He managed to calm me down and we had a conversation about how to modify plan B to hurt him. I loved times like this, as much as Thembi doesn’t feel my pain right now he sympathises. He’d gone through an even worse break up and he was only sixteen, the guy had done a number on him and the guy was his first love, first time, first everything. So, the fact that he was willing to help was no surprise. I wanted my revenge to be poetic. “What do you want to do?” I asked Thembi eagerly. “Let’s wait a few days, I’ll get Michael to track his phone, and when he has one of his long days at work I’ll give you a go.” He replied while he stirred the pot of Umphokoqo, my favourite meal for when I was down. It always reminded me of home and how my mom used to make it when it was warm outside. The warm days were the best days to have Umphokoqo, my brothers and I would be playing outside and Mom would call us all in during the day to have some and we’d speed out again going to play in the yard. Trust Thembi to make this meal right now. At the time he was just our neighbour he hadn’t become my best friend and someone I regarded as my twin. It was more than a reminder, it was a way to calm me down and just the smell of it had me in a trance. As he continued to cook, I made my way to call my mother. Her and I had a long conversation about home, life, and everything else that was going on. I was happy to hear her voice, before my father stole the phone and asked me if I’ve decided whether or not I’ll move back home because they missed me. He and I laughed before I said my goodbyes and went back to the kitchen to have what Thembi had made. A week went by, and I could honestly say that there was slight progress in my anger towards KG; I’d gone from never wanting to see him again to wishing he were dead and to I don’t care about his life - which was where I was at when Thembi had to pack his things and head home. His two-week leave was over; we had a drunken night in and said farewell to each other the next morning. Then it was loneliness. It was the first time since KG bought me the place that I was completely alone. No guests, no one to come rushing home to cook for. For the first few days I was miserable; there was no Thembi to make jokes with me. I was alone with my feelings, with my hurt, my pain and memories of him. After the feeling of loneliness came that of indifference, okay faux indifference, and I remained in the faux indifference for that week after Thembi left. He called often to check on me. One of my favourite phone calls happened two weeks to that day that KG had left me. “Hey, my friend,” Thembi’s cheerful voice sounded. “Hey you, how’s life at home?” I asked enthusiastically. “All is great, how are you holding up?” “You know how I am,” I replied with a little more sorrow than I liked. “Don’t worry, baby, because tonight is your night,” he said with way too much excitement. “What do you mean?” I asked anxiously. “Well, I got all the details we wanted so… I think you should take the picture we talked about, and of course you know the rest.” The idea of what Thembi just told me was wonderful; I had forgotten all about my anger. I was so busy feeling sorry for myself that I forgot to take charge. “I’m on it darling, so you say for the next three days?” “Next four, I’ll send you something wonderful to make an add on. Just know to start tonight.” With that I hung up and I knew that Thembi wouldn’t mind me just leaving him on the line. Shit, I’m sure he’d do the same to me. Now, this was stage one of the plan, and I had to be precise about it. First part of phase one was to get in my room. Second, was to go on twitter. Third tweet to @MissDesignerEverything, and the fourth and final stage was to wait. I was in my room so excited about what we were, I mean, what I was about to do. I took out KG’s shirt, the one that his wife had bought him; remember I told you about it? His favourite one? Well it was still there, and so were a couple of others. I guess that’s why I had false hope; he never came to get his shit. Anyway, I got the shirt out and put it on my bed and took a picture. After taking the picture I loaded it to my laptop and made a couple of edits. When I was finally done I was ready to be a bird, and tweet. The tweet read: @MissDesignerEverything Your husband forgot his shirt in my house, please tell him to come back and fetch it. I attached the pic of his shirt and his wedding ring; well, the wedding ring was photoshopped into the picture. I got the picture of his wedding ring from a Facebook picture his wife posted a few days ago. Once I got the notification that my tweet was sent I relaxed and went to go get myself a glass of wine, and got on my phone. “Excuse me, is this Mr Lock It?” I asked the man on the other end. “Yes, how can I help you, sir?” “Well, I lost my spare keys just yesterday and there’ve been a string of robberies. I just want you to come and get my locks changed. I’m awfully terrified,” I said, making sure my voice sounded extremely vulnerable. “You're lucky we extended our trading hours to seven, but it’s not a problem. Give me your address and I’ll send one of my boys.” With that I gave the man my address and sat in my lounge waiting. This is an important part of the plan because should KG get angry he might want to come barging in here and open up using his keys. But this house, the one I was in right here! This! This was my house, and no nigga can come and do as he pleases. It took the lovely young gentleman twenty minutes to arrive and he changed all my locks. I made sure to give the guy a generous tip for helping me and he went his way. After my door got serviced I went to my laptop and saw that I had three notifications on twitter. Two of them were reply tweets from KG’s wife. Keep the shirt, I’ll keep the man. @UnderTheMat What does having his shirt prove? Does he even know your name? @UnderTheMat I loved the dialogue, but I needed to steerher in the right direction. @MissDesignerEverything The shirt means nothing, but not his wedding ring, which should mean something to you. That was the last time I could access her twitter, after that she blocked me, and according to Thembi she went on a rampage cussing me out for that night. Thembi called me laughing, telling me all the things she said. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have beef with her; man, I hardly know her name. I do however want her to leave him, taking half of everything if not more. I want her to get angry and want to hurt him, because it was clear that I wasn’t capable of hurting him. That night I slept like fairies were dancing on my skin, the best part about all the mess I created was the fact that my twitter account didn’t have me as the profile picture. It had a painting of an angel with this wonderful quote on it. She wouldn’t catch on to who I am, not until I wanted her to. Her task was only to get mad, and divorce. The next day at work was a breeze. It turns out my students just needed to stop being lectured about death, suicide and existentialism in order for them to wake up. I noticed once the class gravitated more towards Plato and Socrates they started to come alive, I swear they thought my class was just supposed to be about those two. That day was one of many strings of dates with Charles. He and I had been randomly going on dates for a few weeks now. Charles turned out to be what I needed, to be honest. He and I had a nice lunch date off campus; he took me to wonderful restaurant where we had a good meal and good laughs. I totally forgot about everything that day. “So, when can we become a couple,” he asked. “Look, I don’t want to play you. You're a great guy, but I just got out of something messy,” I said truthfully. “Which year is that?” he said as he let his smile show. “Okay fine, we can discuss this over dinner tomorrow,” I replied shyly. “Your place I’m guessing?” “I love your guesses, they are educated.” I joked. “Just like me,” he laughed and managed to sneak a quick peck on my cheek. I said goodbye to him and went back to the rest of my schedule. The rest of that day was fine as well, and nothing could’ve disturbed my peace and happiness. Later that afternoon, just before the end of my day, Thembi called to remind me of phase two. So I got even more excited and all but ran to my apartment. I was so happy that day I forgot all about the second phase. Before I got onto the second phase, I called Charles. “Hey,” I said being shy. “Sup?” “I want you to come over tonight and spend the night,” I blurted out. “What about dinner tomorrow?” he asked. “Well, we can have dinner tonight and maybe we’ll have dessert tomorrow,” I said suggestively. He let out a laugh and told me he’d come around in an hour. Giving me an hour to cook and get phase two out of the way. Phase two still required a shirt, but this time I stood in front of a fulllength mirror wearing one of his shirts that covered just a little bit of my ass, I had my dreads loosened and took a pic of my reflexion from the back. I took three different shots and sent them to Thembi, and waited for him to choose the best one for me to send. I quickly changed into my sweatpants and started cooking after my photo-shoot. I decided to make chicken linguini for Charles, seeing as it was my first time entertaining him. I wondered if we’d have sex. Was I ready to have sex with a guy though? Of course Charles had made me happy ever since we officially became friends a year ago, and I knew he made me laugh and made me happy. I had always thought to myself that if I hadn’t been in a relationship I would’ve made him mine. Maybe I should give him a chance. What could it hurt? Oh wait, it could hurt; he could have a wife. My thoughts were disrupted by a knock on the door. I ran to the door and saw Charles standing there. In all honesty this man is handsome; the pure textbook definition of it and his smile was just the most captivating thing about him. It carried an innocence and aura of goodness to it, and that was just his smile alone. The rest of him was just a whole different story; Charles was 1.92m tall with the same dirty blonde hair he had the year before, which I'd though was bottle made. He had this whole artistic surfer boy look to him, with a swimmer's build. His eyes were a beautiful emerald and his lips were full and his tongue was making its way over his lips. I don’t know how I missed this guy; I really don’t know how I spent a year dating KG and not Charles. “So, you just going to stare of me like a piece of meat?” he asked playfully. “How did I not know you are this hot?” I asked as I opened the burglar bar and stepped out the way for him to enter. “Maybe it’s because you are blind?” “Shut up, asshole,” I said as I shoved him in and closed the door. “Where should I put these?” he asked as he raised his overnight bag and the wine he brought. “Wine comes to me, and the other thing goes in the guest room, which is down the hall the second door on your left,” I said making my way to the kitchen. I put the sweet rosé he brought in my wine rack and took out a nice Sauvignon Blanc for the dinner. “Food is almost ready and then I’ll give you a tour of the place,” I shouted from the kitchen, noticing he hasn’t returned. “No need, I’m already comfortable,” he retorted and as I walked out the kitchen. He really had made himself comfortable in the lounge. “What’s on?” I asked him while making my way to the sofa he was sitting on. “Well, I wanted to watch soccer but I didn’t want to get too caught up,” he said as he looked at me, giving a devilish smile. “I see you have a PS3, do you have FIFA?” “Fuckoff, Charlie,” I said feigning anger. You see he was taunting me; we once discussed things that piss us off and I told him about my one ex who had invited me over to his place only for him to tell me to wait while he finishes playing FIFA with his friends. I guess Charles really did pay attention to me. “When do we eat?” he asked while still laughing. “When you stop being an asshole,” I said playfully shoving him. “Don’t think I can eat when I’m dead.” “It’s not like you need to eat, you fat enough.” That’s when he grabbed me and playfully tried to smother me with one of the cushions I had put on the sofa. We fooled around for a god ten minutes before I remembered that I had something in the oven. “Wait,” I said trying to catch my breath. “I need to finish preparing food.” “Go on, the man of the house needs to eat,” he said shoving me. “You right I do need to eat.” “Smart ass.” He joked. “Nah! Fine ass,” I said laughing as I finally got into the kitchen and took the mini cakes I was baking for us out of the oven. I stepped back out of the kitchen to go to the dining room and caught Charles asking me something about a movie he might want to watch. It was a Friday, and apparently that meant movie night to him. I finished setting the table, dished out and put the food on the table, after having to shout at Charles three times. “You like a kid, you know that?” I asked as he finally sat to eat. “Nah, I just had to finish listening to that news headline.” “Oh?” “Yeah, it was about some millionaire business guy from here having some heart attack or something like that.” It was so weird that he was playing with his food yet looking me dead in the face while I nodded and ate. “Did you catch any names?” I asked trying to engage with his conversation. “Something with a K -you know how I can’t pronounce Sotho names.” I laughed at what he said; I found it cute when he had finally managed to get my full name right. He was making an effort with me. I started to get caught up in the idea of having him be mine when I heard him say something that ripped me completely out of my fantasy world. “I think his surname was Dinokeng, and he owned like a large number of lucrative businesses. To be honest, from the details on the news, I doubt it was a heart attack. I think the wife poisoned him.” With that he continued eating and I just froze, dead in my tracks, I froze. “Matsi? You okay?” he asked, waving at me. “Yeah, fine. Give me a minute.” I got up and walked to my room; as soon as I got in I headed to my laptop and waited for it to come to life. It was one of the longest waits in my life. When I finally had access to my desktop I went onto three credible news sites and searched for what Charles had told me. I guess I need to find a new plan because three credible news sources say: Millionaire Business mogul Kgotso Dinokeng passed away several hours after being found on the floor by his wife at their Port Elizabeth home. The cause of death is believed to have been a heart attack.
  2. Grunge_Ken

    M for Mad.

    It's lovely to know that you enjoyed this chapter, it really warms my heart. I love the office scene too, I was imagining something like Lucy Lu in Charlie's Angels. Anyway thanks for reading giving me your review.
  3. Sitting on the rocks, watching the waves clash and hearing the ocean roar, was wonderful. It may have been a Monday, but hey, who cares about class when your world just got turned upside down? I sat there and contemplated so many things. I wanted to switch my phone on and see if he called, but I’m sure he was too busy playing happy family or having a laugh with his friends about me. The stupid fag that fell for it. Oh, my favourite part of this was when he said he didn’t mean to fall in love me; oh right, because totally in love with someone that you leave every night to go be with another woman. My bad, she’s no other woman; she’s the wife. I was the other woman! Other man! Whatever the fuck I was! Tears started to stream down my face, I was so angry. I was livid, I tried to calm down but I couldn’t. I got off the rock I was on and started walking. I may have walked twenty kilometres not knowing where I was headed; I just let my feet take me away so I could just be alone, calm and free. I couldn’t go back to my apartment, and yes it is mine. I will keep it after this break-up, because I deserve at least that much after being a side-bitch to some 'ain’t shit' nigga! There goes that anger again. I decided to walk back to my apartment, and surprisingly my thoughts got clearer. And to think I was in love with KG; I was ready to go public with him. Sure, I was okay with being in the closet with him in the beginning, but I got tired and I wanted everyone to be able to share in our love. I wanted to be able to hold his hand and walk down the road with him giggling and ogling each other. I wanted him to profess his love for me to all his friends; I wanted the whole nine yards. Alas, I was never ever going to get it. Was I crazy to think that maybe he and I could get serious and end up married? Was I crazy for wanting to finally tell someone, anybody, about us? I mean my friend Sarah just started going with this other lipstick lesbian who is in the closet with her family, but they hold hands, they do everything I wanted to do with KG. I was just so mad about him still wanting to keep me a secret. I mean Sarah and Jess have only been dating three months, and Jess has already decided she wants to tell her parents about Sarah. Three months! After eleven months all I get is dinner in a different city where no one knows him. I was tired of the secrecy. If he wanted to fuck me over, then two can play at that game. I’ll love him all he wants, if that’s he wants. If he wants me to leave, I’ll leave. I’ll give him what he wants, but he better know that this time I’m going to do more damage than good. I started to laugh as a few naughty thoughts crept into my head; my laughter got me strange looks from people passing by. I walked much better now that I was busy conceiving vile ideas in my head. I even managed to reach down into my pocket, get my phone and switch it on. I saw he had left several messages. Babe, we need to talk. I know you the one that called last night. We have to talk about what you heard. I’m getting worried, your phone has been off all day, and you weren’t at home when I came over. Oh, my poor boyfriend; he wants to make things right. He clearly loves me more than his wife. Maybe he and I will settle down and get the whole straight dream going. I should probably love him with all my heart and forgive him; it really isn’t his fault. I mean how could he be wrong for cheating on his wife with me for over a year? Right? He clearly loves me more. I laughed so hard at how ludicrous these ideas were. By the time I reached home, I was calm and every bit of emotion was shoved down deep; bottling things was a great trait I had. I walked into my apartment and was greeted by the smell of Cajun Chicken; he loved cooking Cajun Chicken when he fucked up royally. He knows I have a soft spot for it, and that it calmed me down. I dropped my keys into the bowl by the door loudly so he could hear me. What lies does he have in store now? “Babe,” he said with some concern in his voice as he rushed over to hug me. “I’ve been worried! Where have you been?” “I took a walk, was even at the beach. You know I like to walk when I’m upset.” I was not sure whether to hug him back or not, so I decided to do it anyway. “I smell Cajun.” “Yeah. I thought, we’d have a nice dinner, just you and me.” He stepped back so he could look me over and lead me to the kitchen. “I’m not hungry,” I said in a soft whiny voice. “I think I’ll sleep better. I haven’t slept all day. I’ve been busy crying.” I looked straight in his eyes as I attempted a wounded face; clearly it worked because he let go of my hand and looked down. “Babe, I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I fell so hard for you. I want to make us work.” I’d never seen Kgotso seem so sad, and to be honest, the grovelling made me happy. “She and I got married out of convenience, it was all a big business merger; our families arranged for us to get married. I don’t love her like I love you.” I was hearing him loud and clear, and what he was saying was all bullshit, and guess what? His eye kept twitching. “It’s okay, it’s not your fault. I heard the way she spoke last night, and she was so horrible. I understand why you’d want to leave her. Did you go get your friend out of jail, unharmed, before you went back to her? I heard people get raped there.” Lie number one, also known as bait. “It was a holding cell, and he was fine.” I saw the relief in his face. KG should never play poker, if he does, I’m sure he'll lose a lot because he has no poker face. “You said you wanted to talk?” I said, and he shot me a puzzled look. “Your messages, they said you want to talk.” “Yeah. It’s about our fight.” “It is fine, babe. I realised that it was unfair of me to back you into a corner. Especially after I found out you are trapped in a loveless marriage. You’ve been nothing but good to me. I mean, you love me so much, and you are always there for me. I was being selfish and ungrateful.” With that said, I walked over to him and gave his a big kiss. It made my insides want to come out; I would’ve thrown up, but there was nothing in my body to throw up. Now, this is the part where the fisherman waits for the fish to take the bait. “Babe, I don’t want you to take all the blame. I could’ve told you sooner; I’m really scared about this whole coming out thing, and as much as I want you show you off, I’m personally not ready. Please understand. I promise if you stay we’ll introduce ourselves to your friends. How does that sound?” Oh, I think I have a bite. Maybe it’s time to reel it in. Imagine that; my reward for an eleven–month sham is him popping out of hiding just to say 'hi' to my friends. The utter bullshit! CACA CHIEN!!! “Anything for you babe, as long as you are still mine. Mine alone…” My voice trailed off as I started planting kisses on the side of his neck. I gently nibbled and laid soft kisses, making my way down his collarbone to the indent located below his neck. Kissing passionately once there, I heard him let out small grunts and moans. I then moved up to kiss on the back of his neck, below his earlobe, slowly alternating between sucking softly, blowing, licking and nibbling. I could hear his grunts and moans get heavier. I was going to make him cum so hard, I was ready for him to have his final fuck with me, because after that night, it would be my turn to fuck him! I felt his hand grabbing my ass, that’s when I pulled away. “Uhm… The stove, switch it off,” I said, bobbing my head to the burner that had a pot on it. He walked over to the stove and switched it off. By the time he was back, I had my pants on the floor, and judging by my dick, some part of me was enjoying this session. “You don’t waste time,” he said coming closer to kiss me. He was shocked when I pushed him away. “Go fetch a condom and lube,” I said in my best sex–kitten-voice. He giggled and made his way to the bedroom. While he was gone, I went into the refrigerator to get some low fat yogurt, and put it on the counter where I was sitting. My erection was going limp, so I lifted one leg onto the counter and started fingering myself just to keep it up. “That seems like fun, may I join?” he asked as he beheld the sight. “You’ll have your own fun with this,” I said, motioning to the yogurt. “What?” he asked. “I want you to eat me out, with this.” His eyes grew wide as I lay on my back and positioned my ass at the edge of the kitchen counter. I opened my legs wide and beckoned for him to come closer. Whatever protest he had in him, was clearly gone. He closed the distance between us, and was fast on his knees. I saw the hunger in his eyes; clearly his wife never got him to be this freaky. Oh darling, how will he handle what will happen to him once I’m done with him? He pressed his tongue flat over the opening, slowly teasing it in, and then he’d bite gently around it and blow his cold breath on it. With his soft, moist lips he gently kissed all around the anus, while playing with my balls. My back was already arched, and I knew he’d keep going until I begged for his dick, so when he finally decide to swirl his tongue around the rim, I was starting to want more. He scooped up a generous amount of yogurt and put it in the right place; he fingered me with it before he reached down and started licking it off. I have to admit, I’ll miss the sessions where he ate me out. The way his long tongue could get into me after he had just opened my hole up with two of his fingers. Goodness me, I could feel the goose bumps on my skin as he started working on me. He gave me his A-grade rim job for a good ten minutes before I moaned out loud, ordering him to fuck me. He must’ve had his cock straining against his pants for the longest of time, because he got up and whipped it out with amazing speed. I didn’t even get a chance to give him a blowjob before he was ready for entry. “Condom,” I said as I realised that he hadn’t even ripped one open. He looked at me as if he were going to argue, but I guess he didn’t want to kill the vibe. He hurriedly took a condom out of the box and put one on his hard cock. The best part about KG undoubtedly has to be his cock. It has this nice girth that is probably three of my fingers, and this length that reaches too deep within me. I swear, he's about a good twelve or twelve and a half inches. “Ow!” I moaned out loud. Shit, the initial penetration caught me off guard. “You okay?” he asked holding still, not wanting to go further. “I’m fine, I forgot that you’re so big,” I said in between moans. He had started pushing in, slowly and gently. I knew he was only going to be gentle until he felt me get comfortable with his size. “Tell me when you want me to stop,” he said gently. He always said that, but once you tell him 'stop,' he pounds you harder, and soon enough you wouldn’t be able to feel your legs. But tonight wasn’t about the pleasure. “Fuck me real hard today; don’t take it easy on me. I want to feel all of you in me.” I said as I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled into him. I bit back moans of pain, and he wasted no time fucking me hard. I had to lift my body off the counter so I could hold onto him, or else I would’ve ended up on the far end of the room. The amount of force and pressure he put into the fuck was so much, at some point I thought he ruptured something, but I didn’t care. I kept him in me; riding him to match his pace and motion. I wanted him to make his last night with me worth it. “Fuck! Babe!” he grunted in pleasure. “AH! Harder,” I urged him on. He moved me off the kitchen counter, pinned my head against the wall, and took me from behind. There was more fun when he had me up against the wall, at least this time I could throw my ass back and spread my legs for better access. Which he seemed to enjoy; oh and it also gave him the chance to pull me by my hair which he loved. “Pull harder, daddy!” I insisted to him, which he did. “Spank me!” “Harder!” I kept inciting him to be rougher, and true to my nature, my cock erupted at the manhandling I’d been receiving. “Fuck! Aaah!” I moaned as I clinched my sphincter around his cock. He rode me for a few more minutes before he finally erupted into the condom. He remained in me for a few seconds just to catch his breath. “That was the wildest sex we’ve had,” he said with glee on his face. I just grunted in agreement, and waited for him to pull out of me. I honestly felt the happiest I had been for the past twenty-four hours. I could barely feel my legs, but damn was KG good with his schlong. “Are you staying the night?” I asked, returning to the sad little whinny bitch that needed him. I felt him pull his cock out of me, and a gaping feeling took the place of his dick. “Do you want me to?” he asked, turning me around. He wasn’t looking at me; he was looking at his cock as he tried to remove the super tight condom. “Let me help you,” I said as I kneeled down between his legs and slid the condom off slowly, making sure not to spill any of his juice on the floor. I knotted it and told him I’d throw it away after I licked the remnants of his sperm from his dick, and teasingly, I did so. It only took him two minutes of my licking and jerking him off in order to get hard again. I made fast work of his growing erection. I sucked him dexterously - I could never fit all of him in my mouth - but I still got the grunts and moans that motivated me to keep bobbing my head faster and faster. I took a few seconds of a breather and licked the head of his cock and then suck his balls. He was in the middle of ecstasy. I was convinced that his wife must’ve been a horrible lay. I didn’t give great blowjobs, they were okay, but the way he moaned you would swear I was some pornstar. “I’m… Aaah,” he said as he came, and I kept all his man juice in my mouth, unfortunately for him, I don’t swallow. Never have, never will. So, I got up from my knees, grabbed the used condom from the floor, and headed to the bathroom. I placed the condom on the counter while I looked around for a container to place the cum that was in my mouth. I found something of great use in the little garbage bin in the bathroom. I placed the sperm that was in my mouth in it, closed it and put the container, as well as the used condom, in a cosy hiding spot where KG would never look. I got some mouthwash and freshened up my breath. “Man, you are the sexiest thing alive,” he said as I made my way out of the bathroom. “And you fuck like a twenty-three year old,” I said flirtatiously. “So, you been fucking twenty-three year olds?” he asked defensively. “I’m not the cheating type.” Unlike you, you fucken bastard! “Mat?” he said gently. “Yeah?” “Yesterday you said something. I know you were angry, but it really upset me.” KG was doing the whole looking at me through a mirror thing. He thought it was some deep shit he had said; him looking at me through my reflection was because he wanted me to see what he saw when he looked at me. Some corny ass bullshit! He's a trifling ass-bitch-nigga! Punk-ass, pussy-ass, lame-ass, ain’t-good-for-nothing-but-dick-ass, low-down-cheating ass nigger! “What did I say, babe?” I asked, sounding apologetic. “You referred to the night we met, and you were back on that whole I’m trying to buy you thing. I want you to know that I’m not. Far from it, if I was only interested in fucking you, and buying you shit, we wouldn’t have made it past two months. I genuinely like you.” How the fuck are you going to like someone who’s about to do a number on you? I wanted to ask him so badly, but all in due time. “Are you going to leave me?” I asked him as I cuddled up to him on the bed. “Because I want to explain why I said that, and I want you to be able to hold me through the night, since what I have to tell you is really hard for me to tell anyone.” I stroked his chest as I spoke. “I…” He looked pensive; I’m sure his wife would be mad as hell if he stayed. To be honest, I didn’t want him to stay. I just needed him to have his guard down long enough for me to get what I did want. “Sure, I’ll have to talk to… You know what? Fuck her; we don’t ever have to think of her.” He seemed committed to this lie. “Hold me, baby,” I said as sad as I could. “I just want to feel you next to me.” The silly billy goat held me; he probably felt so great, having a supportive mistress who is devoted to him, someone who is so weak and needs him to constantly hold them, and best of all, someone who never denied him any of his naughty sexual fantasies. “Where’d you go?” he asked, breaking my train of thought. “I’m thinking about us. It’s just that every time I think about us I wonder how I got you. What do you see in me? Growing up, I used to get picked on a lot, especially after I had to live with my aunt. See, my mom was in hospital for a couple of months, and my father was constantly travelling, so I had no one. I lived with my aunt and she complained about how nobody was sending money for me to eat and be in her house, so I had to behave. She made me know at every turn that I was worthless, that my parents didn’t care for me, and that if I were to stay there I’d have to pay my way. I was eleven, what work does an eleven year old know? So she started arranging for some of her male friends to have their way with me for a good price. It started off in the most random way; she started by telling me that her friend, Uncle Lucas, wanted to talk to me alone. So, he took me to his house, he talked to me about the birds and the bees, and asked me if I wanted to see how babies were made. I said yes, and he took off our clothes and had his way with me. Every time I cried, he told me that I had asked for it, and that if I wanted to live with my aunt, I had to stop crying. I didn’t want to be alone; I didn’t want to be left on the street, not with the state my mother was in.” I started sniffling and touched the corners of my eyes. I felt him brush my head, before he leaned down and kissed my forehead, right then and there I knew I had KG. “I didn’t know babe. I’m so sorry. I thought all this time you were just being hard on me. I’ll never use my money as power over you. Everything I get you is because I want to, not because I want you to have sex with me. Or as payment for sex; I’m not those men that hurt you.” Ncooh; my knight in shining armour. Too bad this story was made up hogwash just to make him feel like I needed him. My plan required precision, patience and persuasion. I had to execute everything without fail. “It’s okay, I guess it still haunts me. I just have to be more trusting, and you are already helping me with that,” I said as I snuggled up in KG’s arms. He just let out a hum that sounded like a form of agreement, and we stayed cuddle for a few minutes. I have to admit, I was getting too comfortable with a married man, that’s why I had to stop it. “Babe, I’m a bit hungry. Do you think you can go get me some of that chicken you made me?” I said as I looked into his eyes. I have to say, my acting skills are on fleek, because he keeps buying this whole vulnerable act. It’s either that, or the fact that I really am hurt by finding out that he is married. KG managed to get up and make his way out of the bedroom. As soon as he had gone, I reached over to get his phone. It’s stupid how he has no lock code or form of security lock when he knows he is cheating on his wife. I paged through his messages to find the texts I sent him and the ones he sent me were deleted, and our calls to each other deleted. It made sense though, might as well deleted the side bitch's contact details if you don’t have a lock on your phone. I found what I was looking for just after I noticed that he had deleted any evidence of him and me. I decided to play around with his phone some more and that’s when he walked in. I saw the panic in his eyes when he spoke. “What are you doing?” he was trying to sound casual, but he wasn’t winning. “Come and I’ll show you, babe,” I said with a wide grin. I saw he didn’t trust me, but he had no other option; he had to join me in bed. As soon as he placed the plate of food on the bedside table, I sat up and ran my arm on his chest and continued to smile at him. “I wanted to give you this,” I said scrolling through the nude pictures I had taken of myself. “Keep them for the days when we can’t be together.” I saw a smile come across his face. I was sure he had thought that I was up to something sinister. “I’ll keep them forever,” he said, and then leaned over to kiss me passionately. He broke the kiss and looked me in my eyes before speaking. “Eat your food, my love.” I wasn’t sure whether to feel fake loved or not, so I just smiled and let him feed me. We talked about random things and made jokes, making it seem like everything was okay, like the night before never happened. It was like he didn’t have a wife and family to go back to, like his life with me was all he had, but I knew better. He knew better. I had just finished eating, and he had gotten up to put my plate away, when I saw his phone flashing. It was an incoming call from his wife; the genius had his wife’s number saved as ‘murati waka’ which translated to English as ‘my love’. I rolled my eyes before I picked up the phone and walked to where he was. “Your wife is calling,” I said feigning mild displeasure. I turned and walked away once he had the phone in his hands. I went to my bedroom and started to text my friend Thembi. I had to tell him what was going on. Thembi and I had had exchanged three messages by the time KG walked back into the room, fully dressed. I had forgotten that our clothes were in the kitchen. “I have to go,” he said in a gloomy tone. “Oh!” I replied without lifting my eyes off my phone. “My son is sick and – “ “Don’t explain; you have a family to get to,” I said, trying not to sound hurt. “Baby, I promise I’ll make it up to you.” He had made his way to the bed and was holding my head up so I could look at him. “Go, before I change my mind,” I replied in a dejected tone. He was at the door when he turned to speak. “I’ll keep looking at the pictures while I serve my fatherly duties.” * * * * * With that, he had rushed out of the door, and out of my life, for a good three days. He would call and sms me, but he wouldn’t come visit. He finally came to see me on Saturday morning, where he said just wanted to talk, hold me, but then tried to fuck me. I told him that my ass was still sore from the last session we had. He said he was fine with that, and we stayed cuddled up until his phone conveniently rang. He said he had to go. With me knowing that he was married, things seemed more distant. He would do things he’d never done; like not come over. He kept sending messages and flowers as a form of communication, but that wasn’t enough. I lied, saying I wanted him, when I told him this he simply told me that his son really needed him. I was so supportive; I gave him space. All the space he needed, but during that space, something else was happening too. KG had been missing in action for a week when I decided to finally give Charles a chance. We had gone on a date and I realised how much fun he was. Charles and I were getting more comfortable with each other. As I say, we had gone on one date, but that ended in a chill session together, and he took my mind off of KG. It had been a great day, by great I meant grey and stormy. I had called KG two days before and he told me he was busy, so I called his secretary and scheduled an appointment to see him. He can’t say he's too busy when I was his appointment, but of course I had used my alias. I made my way up the modern building and sat in the waiting area. I had my dreads tied in a bun and had shaved the sides. I’m sure KG would be shocked by that, he always told me he liked my dreadlocks, even though I had wanted to cut them. I had worn a white button–down shirt, black slacks, formal shoes and a dark navy blazer. I completed the look with my spectacles. I was trying to appear professional for my 'boyfriend.' The secretary finally signalled for me to go to his office; I was getting stares as I walked. I guess the way 'I swayed my hips' had them hip-noticed. I walked into his modern office space and was greeted by a shocked look. “What are you doing here?” he asked as he rushed over to me, to shut the door and make sure no one had noticed me. “Relax. They think I’m Andre Pineau,” I said as I grabbed a seat. “Yes, that’s all good but – “ He was panicking. “I came to see you. I never see you anymore,” I said, looking at him with a sad cast. “I’ve been busy,” he said, making his way back to his table. “With your family?” I asked, feigning agony. “It’s like ever since you came out about that, you’ve been distant. Don’t you love me anymore?” I had removed my glasses and started to sniffle. “Please let’s not do this here. Look, I’ll come over to your place tonight; we can talk.” Something seemed off about him, something was wrong. The way he had said 'my place' instead of 'our place' made me panic. This cannot end on his terms; they had to end on mine. I had to get my revenge. That was the only reason I was there. Did he really think I still wanted to be with him? “Do you still have my pictures?” I asked as I got up from the chair. “No… I… I had to remove them because my wife was getting nosey.” He was lying. “Well, I hope you remember what I look like naked, because that’s what will be waiting for you after work.” I gave him a wink, and walked towards the door. I didn’t want to look at his lust-filled face as I left. Once outside, I hurried to get a taxi home. I was off that day and wanted nothing to do besides rest and get ready for KG. I was busy cleaning up the apartment and dancing to the music I was playing when I heard a knock on the door. Once there I realised who was there, my excitement reached new levels. “Girl!” I screamed and ran into my friend's arms. “Oh, Mother. Look at this place. Why have I never been invited here before?” Thembi asked. “Well, that’s because you… Well you that you are the problem solver, and besides you know I cannot take you anywhere without ending up single; that’s why you haven’t been invited,” I said with a light chuckle. I led Thembi to the living room, and he just stood and said nothing until I nudged him. “Girl, this painting is everything,” he said, totally consumed by the painting in the living room. The canvas was a black and white charcoal portrait of me. Well, the painting was of me standing with my back toward the artist, I was posing with my face looking over my shoulder and I had these gigantic black wings coming out of me that reached the ground. The fun part about the painting was that I was butt naked. KG was supposed to have come with me for that, but he wasn’t available. I had become enthralled in the painting as well when Thembi snapped me back to life. “Speaking about my problem solving abilities,” he said softly. “Here’s that thing we talked about. I guess he must’ve really fucked up to deserve this.” “I told you he got a wife, right?” I said as I took what was soon to be my new best friend in my hands. “Yup, and I’m all for revenge, girl. I didn’t travel over three-hundred kilometres for nothing.” Thembi and I laughed, and I showed him the room he was going to stay in for the week. Thembi and I caught up on things from the past and I told him to stay in his room while I went to fix dinner for KG and me, that is, since I wasn’t sure what time KG would arrive. I went to the kitchen and began making food, and I also got out a nice bottle of wine; I was getting so excited for my date. Everything was going to be beautiful. I had just finished making the red wine sauce when I heard KG come in. Unlike the other times he came in, he didn’t have his briefcase with him. He usually had it and dropped it on the kitchen counter when he walked into the kitchen, then he’d cross the distance between us and kiss me. But none of that happened. “Baby, you home!” I said in an excited tone. “Look, I can’t stay for long,” he said as he leaned on the counter. “Son needs you?” I asked feigning disappointment. “Yeah…and something else.” He looked pensive; I could tell there was something there. “Does this have anything to do with you calling our home 'my place,' earlier?” He shot me a confused look. “You never called our home my place; you always said it was ours.” “Well, it is your place now…” An even more contemplative look was on his face. “There’s no easy way to say this, but it’s over. I’m going to stay with my wife; we started to talk and fix things. I know it hurts, but you’ll find someone out there for you. Just like I found my wife.” I looked at him; more like burnt a hole in him. This is what it came down to; this was it? “NO!” I screamed, and for some strange reason I took the wine glass in my hand and through it at him. He managed to dodge it in time, and the glass just hit the wall and shattered into many pieces. I ran over to him and tried to hit him, but he grabbed me and then threw me on the ground. I was fuming, and for some unknown reason, my eyes were filling up with tears. “Please calm down. I didn’t want to do this. You a good kid, I really liked you. Damn, you gave me the best sex of my life. I’m sure someone out there will appreciate you.” I screamed once he said that. I screamed so hard, he just gave me a concerned look, before walking towards one of the drawers and came back with a dishrag. “Here, you are bleeding,” he said as he squatted in front of me. Once he realised I wasn’t moving he tried to clean it himself. “Don’t touch me!” I shouted. “I’m trying to help you,” he retorted. “You can’t help me!” I said frantically. “What are you going to do with that? Make the AIDS go away?” Whoops, there it was! “What?” he exclaimed as he straightened himself up. I also managed to get up and go wash my hand in the kitchen sink. To be honest, I was only washing my hand to buy time; I wanted what I had said to sink in. I wanted him to think about it, and clearly that’s what he did. “How long have you known?” he asked angrily. “It’s been five months now,” I said looking down at my hand. “Five months? Five? I don’t believe you! I don’t fucken believe you.” He was pacing up and down; he had his hands on his head and was pacing up and down. I looked at him and shook my head. “I’m going to find a bandage,” I said shyly. He didn’t respond, he just kept mumbling something to himself. Once I was in the bathroom, I got surgical spirit and a bandage to clean my wound and wrap it. It stung a little, but at least I was going to get better. I walked back into the kitchen where he was still panicking. “Here,” I said to him, still in my shy voice. “What is this?” he asked, still angry. “It’s the test. I kept it, trying to make sense of it all.” I looked down once he grabbed it. “FUCK!” he exclaimed. “Who have you been fucking?” he demanded. “You!” I exclaimed angrily. “I’m not the one whoring around; you’re the one who has a wife and a side-bitch.” “It’s only you and her! No one else.” He was getting beyond livid. “Who have you been fucking?” “You, and only you. Ask your wife who she’s been fucking.” As soon as I finished the sentence, he ran up to me and shocked me. He actually put his hand around my neck and held me against the wall. “She… Don’t you ever talk about her!” There was a danger to him, something that excited me, but too bad I was partway dying. I struggled and tried to loosen his grip. He must’ve realised that I couldn’t breathe, so he took his hand off me. I struggled to get air, but he kept talking. “You had to have known for longer! It can’t just be a few months, otherwise why wouldn’t you tell me? You should’ve told me before we fucked without a condom.” “I forgot–” I said once I caught my breath. Even then it was still shaky. “You forget to put on matching socks in the morning, you forget to start an assignment on time, and you forget to put money in the parking meter. You don’t forget to tell someone you have AIDS!” “I forgot, just like you forgot to mention that you were married. Maybe you’d love to tell her how you got AIDS!?” I said with a bit of a smug expression on my face. The shock and dread in his face was so real, he honestly didn’t know what to do with himself. He did manage to punch the wall however. “I’m sorry,” I said, trying to close the distance between us. “I was just caught up in your love. I couldn’t imagine losing you. If I had told you, you would’ve left. You would’ve left like all the others.” I tried to hold him but he just shrugged me off. Before I could say anything else, KG was walking out the door. I started calling after him and making attempts to get him back so we could talk things through, but clearly he wanted none of it. I tried calling him three times, but there was no answer. I wanted him to talk to me, I wanted him to settle things, get everything sorted out. I decided to give him space, and it took KG three days to get back to me; I remember that day, no, that exact moment. I had just finished with one of my classes and I was walking to the coffee shop on campus to try and figure out a plan of action to get him back. Upon sitting down in the coffee shop, I received a message from him. “It’s over between us; I never want you to contact me ever again. You put my entire life at risk. I could never forgive you. P.S. I’m negative. Keep your sickness to yourself.” That’s what it had said. I sat in my chair and reread the sms and couldn’t help but laugh. Poor KG; thinking he was in control of everything. What he doesn’t know is that… It was not over until I said so.
  4. Grunge_Ken

    Chapter 1

    Thank you so much for your review Honestly this was inspired by a situation that an acquaintance was in, obviously there is some salt and pepper for seasoning. For the most part though some of the 'emotional' things that you managed to connect with were from her story.
  5. Grunge_Ken

    Chapter 1

    It's a bot exciting for me too, I won't lie I've found my self rewriting so much. I'm glad that you are enjoying the story so far I'll try keep the voices in my head talking long enough.
  6. The ocean beats against the rocks as the grey sky started to gather more clouds. God, this looks beautiful. Somehow I’ve always been more attracted to the darker side of things, like when I was nine, I always used to sneak out of my room – when everyone else was asleep in the house – to go watch horror movies in the lounge. I had gotten caught after six months of sneaking out; the movies never gave me nightmares, really, nothing scared me, at some point I’d start laughing. I only got nightmares of me falling, or me drowning in the ocean, when waves would become so large – like a tsunami – and claim only my body. Today I wish that dream came true. See the thing is, I’ve been so lonely and empty inside that I feel like no one would miss me when I’m gone. It’s like Nate Reuss sings in that Fun song; I feel so all alone No one's gonna fix me when I'm broke How do you cry with inanimate eyes? You're never gonna smile with the way that you're wired And I feel so all alone. I know, right? So depressing. No one cares. You should suck it up. It’s okay, you may say it; it’s nothing I haven’t heard from my friends. They never shy away from telling me how pathetic I am. That I should get over it, but it just happened yesterday. How do you get over a break-up that happened the night before? Oh, just an introduction, my name is Matsimela, but my friends call me Mat for short. Nothing exciting about it, it just means roots; my parents had me to build roots into their marriage and try keeping themselves together. If only someone would’ve told them that a kid doesn’t keep marriages together. Anyway I don’t look as horrible as I sound, I think I’m attractive, but who doesn’t? Besides, if I was attractive I wouldn’t have such a hard time finding people to care about me right? Anyway, about me: I’m roughly about 1.88m tall, dreadlocks that come up to my shoulders, moderate brown skin tone; I have ‘beautiful brown, bright, wide eyes’ or so one of my many exes said. My body is lean, like a runner, which I am. I have high cheekbones and full lips; to me I seem decent. I don’t sound too bad, do I? Well, let’s get you caught up on the affairs that happened to make me feel so distraught and want to get swept away by the waves of the ocean. Up until yesterday I was in a loving relationship with this wonderful man named Kgotso – his name means peace. The mother-fucken irony. KG, yes that’s what we’ll call him, and I had been together for eleven months. KG was in the closet and I didn’t mind; he and I would have our dates in places where no one knew us, which meant sometimes we’d travel to the next city. It was exciting at first. Living in Port Elizabeth isn’t as exciting as it sounds, and sometimes, well, it gets kind of small and everyone knows everyone. We’d take trips down the wild coast, weekends away, and sometimes do getaways to new places. It was exciting to explore new places, and our new love. Life was grand, and he used to fuck me like there was no tomorrow; he made me feel so special. He’d send me flowers every time he missed a date, and he’d sometimes cook for me at my place. Oh, I forgot to mention he got me an apartment because he didn’t like where I lived. He said it wasn’t private enough and anyone could see him. So, he got to talking to his friend, who was a real estate agent, and got me the apartment I lived in. I paid for food, water and electricity, while he had already handled the lease being in my name and all the finer details. I honestly thought he was the one; he and I had gotten along so well. He never got jealous and I had no reason to be of him. Of course we fought, but it was over the smaller things in life. The thing with KG was that he was, or rather is, forty-six and well; I’m fresh out of university, at age twenty-one. You know when you feel strongly about someone, and he always makes you feel so special and so loved, age means nothing and nothing else matters other than your love. We first met in a club; no I didn’t give him a blowjob in the back alley or in the bathroom. I was doing a cigar promotion at an exclusive bar in town, and the bar was packed with rich people, business suits and tuxedos that cost more than I could earn in a year. The alcohol cost more than my rent, so to say I was way out of my league was an understatement. I had even felt underdressed in the suit the promotions company had rented out for us. None of that was the point; the point was that if we as the promoters sold enough cigars, we’d get a ten percent commission. The target was five thousand, and if we got the target and sold more, they added to the hourly rate we got paid. I’d be able to pay that month’s rent and take the money my parents send me for rent for the following month. The way it worked was that my dad paid for tuition and text-books, my mom paid for rent and transport, and I got a few jobs on the side to pay for clothes, and try save money for my first car. Good plan right? I’m kind of focused like that. I had just walked over to a table where four gentlemen were talking rather loudly, and you know what they say about people who talk loudly in bars; they're usually drunk and drunks have deep pockets no matter how shallow they actually are. Okay, so maybe I’m the only one that says that, but it proved true at that particular table. I had gotten two of the men to buy from me and the others were non-smokers. The next table I went to was filled with smokers, so I chatted them up, and ended up selling at least two boxes of cigars to three of them. I was on proverbial fire; I had sold eight boxes of cigars, each box costing seven hundred and eighty rand. I may not have been good at math, but I was damn sure I was set on getting an additional five boxes sold. I approached another table, but before I could say anything, one of the gentlemen raised his glass towards me. “Another one, waiter, and be fast this time.” Clearly he was addressing me, but I just stood there confused and looked around, before deciding to reply. “Sorry sir, but I’m not your waiter,” I said respectfully. “Then what are you doing here?” he asked ever so politely. “I’m selling cigars, to be more specific, Padron –“ “What do you know about cigars? Are you even old enough to be in a bar?” The middle-aged gentleman clearly had had more than enough to drink. I was about to leave, but I decided to try and get money out of him. “To be honest, all I know is that this brand of cigars is from one of the most celebrated cigar manufacturers in the world, having earned more 90-and-above ratings in Cigar Aficionado than any other, I also know you want a drink. Seeing as your waiter isn’t here, how about I go order you one? Don’t tell me what you had to drink, just give me your glass and if I guess right, you buy two boxes from me, and if I guess wrong, I’ll leave you alone for the rest of the night.” And for the first time since I’d gotten to the table, the drunken guy threw his gaze up at me and met a confident look in my eyes. I was going on out a limb here; I really needed the money and I hoped this bastard had simple taste in alcohol. “Deal! Why not up the stakes a little?” He saw me raise an eyebrow; I had nothing to offer, so what could he possibly want? “If you get me my drink to me in the within five minutes, then I can let you keep the change. If you don’t get it right you can pay for my drink.” He raised the money for his drink. “Fine,” I said, eyeing the bar. I’m sure the smug bastard knew I’d fail at this, but it was worth the try. “Go!” said my smug opponent, and I manoeuvred briskly through the crowd. Now, the difference between a rich–people club and a normal-people club is within the volumes allowed in. These events are highly expensive purely for crowd control, and this place had reached its ‘capacity’ at eighty people. Because I’m used to having to fight one-hundred and thirty-odd people to get to the bar every other weekend, making my way through this crowd was nothing. I got to the bar and noticed the wide variety of liquor. I started to panic; damn this was going to be hard. I was caught up with my thoughts as to what possibly might be that obnoxious man’s flavour for the night, when the bartender hit the counter and snapped me out of my thoughts. “What can I get you?” he asked with a smile. “Something that says, I’m obnoxious, rich, snooty and have low self-esteem, so I have to over-compensate by ridiculing others.” Maybe it’s what I had said, or maybe I said it too hurriedly, but the bartender was looking at me weird. “See, I have a bet with the second table on the right by the deck, so if you could help me out, I could split the tip with you.” I gave a wink as it dawned on me that I could cheat and they’d never know. “Unfortunately, I don’t know what they are having.” The bartender started to walk away after he spoke, leaving me, to count the minutes or maybe seconds until my demise. I was looking at the alcohol on display and ready to make my choice, I raised my hand to call the bartender back. He returned with a glass of what I presumed to be whiskey, and handed it to me. “Tell him, you saw his tuxedo and thought he’d prefer a grand cognac over the swill he was drinking. That would reflect a man with good taste and a great wallet.” With that the bartender gave me the drink and I gave him the money. Once our transaction was completed, I all but ran to the table which had me betting my commission on a single drink. I got there with apparently thirty seconds to spare, as of course he’d count. What was I expecting from the asshole of the year? “I hope it’s the right thing,” he said just shy of a chuckle. I watched as he raised the glass from the table, stirred it around and took a whiff of it. It felt like one of those slow-motion scenes in a movie, where the hero is about to defuse the bomb, but he's tried to cut two wires, however that made the timer count quicker, and now all we do is watch as the villain starts to celebrate. The timer is on one second; my villain takes a sip of the drink, and like every action movie, it turns out the underdog wins. I wish you could’ve seen the look on his face; the middle-aged gentleman was stuck between astonishment and anger. “How much are one of those things, kid?” His friends looked at each other in amazement; they’d also probably expected me to fail. “Well, they cost seven-hundred and eighty rand per box. So, per our deal, you get to buy two boxes. That means around one-thousand five-hundred and sixty. 'Around' because that’s not including the tip you had said I’d receive if I got back within your allocated timeframe.” I tried not to sound smug, but I swear I was probably beaming with excitement. The grandee got up from his seat, walked over to the bar and came back with more money in his hand to pay of his debt. Before he handed me the cash, he looked me in the eye, smiled and shook his head. Walking away from that table was the best part of the night; it was then time to make more money from other people. Maybe I’d find a way to bet with them too. But before I did anything else, I had to go to the bar and pay the bartender for the assistance. The crowd wasn’t a loud and rowdy one, so I didn’t need to shout when I got to the bar. “How did you know what he drank?” I asked him as he leaned forward to me. “You said –" “I know what I said, and it was the truth.” He was so coy; speaking as if we’d been friends forever. “I also knew that the register would know what was being ordered, so I went there, and while I was there, I found their waiter and asked. So, boom.” He threw his hands in the air trying to make it seem like an explosion, and I just laughed. “Well, however you did it, thanks! Here’s your half of the tip.” I shoved the money across the counter, and he just pushed it back toward me. I quirked an eyebrow and he simply smiled. “I’m guessing you made that bet because you need the money, so keep it. I’m just glad I could help,” he said with a warm smile as he raked his hand through his dirty blonde hair. “You sure?” I asked, still not convinced. “I could use help with that psychology assignment we have due next week.” “Huh?” I asked still confused. “We are in the same class together; you always sit at the back dressed in black. You got the highest mark in class for that community outreach thing last semester, even though you worked alone.” I started to feel bad that I hadn’t recognised him. To be honest, I hardly paid attention to anyone in class besides the lecturer. “Shit, I’m sorry man. I never pay attention in class.” I extended my hand for the bartender. “I’m Mat.” “I know; I’m Charles. Nice to officially meet you.” We shook hands and I may have stared into his eyes way too long, but it was all-innocent, because he was way out of my league. “Of course I’ll help you. Let’s meet up on campus on Monday?” I offered. “No good buddy, how about we meet up tomorrow? I’ll give you my number.” Charles wasted no time in getting pen and paper to jot his number down, and I took the piece of paper and shoved it in my pocket. Once I walked away, I was back in the game trying to sell that stuff. I moved around, smiled and I knew that there was only so much a person could try and do in order to sell cigars, especially with three other 'promoters' selling the same thing. It had been an hour and a half since my last sale, and I was ready to go home. I had already beaten the target, if I called it a night, no one could complain. I headed out to the bathroom to take a leak before leaving the venue to go look for our brand manager’s car, and get changed in it before going home. I’d been holding in all the liquid in my body till that point and it wasn’t the cutest thing when it all came rushing out over a urinal. My eyes were fixed on a dark spot in between the tiles. “You the cigar boy that got Mac to shut up?” I heard an amused voice say. “Yes, I guess I am.” I turned to see a somewhat familiar face rinsing his hands. I finished my urination, zipped up and walked over to the sink. “So, tell me how you did it,” he asked, looking at my reflection in the mirror. “I imagined the most annoying and irritating drink, and ordered that.” I teased him with a grin on my face. “You know, you have a mischievous smile.” My bathroom acquaintance was starting to become weird now; he still hadn’t looked me directly in the face but continued talking at me via the mirror. “Thanks. I have to go now,” I said as I started to head to the door. “Are you still selling cigars?” he asked, as I was about to reach the exit. I turned and looked at him, for a minute contemplating saying no, but I needed the extra money. “Yes.” I nodded as well. I don’t know why, but clearly I wanted to emphasize that. “How many must I buy in order to get your cell number?” He had now managed to look me straight in the eyes, sans mirror. “Huh?” I was flabbergasted. “Well, judging by the way you swayed your hips earlier, and the mere fact that you haven’t barged out calling me weird, means you aren’t straight.” “I don’t sway my hips.” I honestly never swayed my hips. I still don’t sway my hips. He must’ve been drunk. “Okay,” he shrugged and his voice sounded dubious. “So, how many?” “None,” I replied. “Don’t be stubborn. We're in a public bathroom, people will come in and I don’t want them knowing I’m out here asking a twelve-year-old for his number. So, please.” He let out a nervous chuckle before handing me his phone. I looked over at the expensive Samsung he had. I reached out for it from his grip; we made eye-contact when we both lifted our gazes from the phone . There had to be something there, for at that very moment, sparks flew. I took the phone in my hand quickly and started to type. What I had typed was: Je ne suis pas à vendre. I had managed to type this fast in his messages and saved it as a draft. I handed the phone over to him and walked out. I may have heard him say something about my money, but I wasn’t in the mood. Clearly he thought of me as a child, and secondly a child he could buy; paedophilic human trafficking much? I walked to the door and looked for the girl that was in charge of the cigars. Once I had found her, I managed to leave the club with another colleague and get into our van. I changed at the back, making quick work of dressing and undressing; I was honestly tired and wanted to go home. I was about to close the door when I recalled Charles’s number was left in one of my pockets. I leaned over, picked the pouches of the pants I had worn for his number, and put it in my wallet. The girl locked the van while I went to walk over to the sidewalk and wait for a cab. It hadn't been five minutes before a car stopped in front of me and hooted. Now, in South Africa cabs don’t come in yellow, or some form of uniformed colour. Metered cabs can come in the shape of any car, as long as it has a ‘taxi’ sign on top. I walk over to the car, the window rolled down, and guess who it is? The lavatory guy. I let out an exasperated sigh and rolled my eyes. “So, you never gave me your number...” I bent down. “I gave you a message, rather,” I replied, looking around to see if any cabs had miraculously come up. “I had to Google Translate it, and it turns out you think I’m trying to buy you.” “Whatever do you mean?” I asked sarcastically. “I wasn’t trying to buy you. I was trying to support you without giving you a handout. It just so happened, I also wanted your number.” He sounded calculative; it was as if he wanted to be sure of what he was going to say before he opened his mouth. “Well, no thank you, but you can keep the message.” I moved back from the car and stood upright. “Are you always so difficult?” he asked almost shouting in order for me to hear him. I moved back closer to his car. “This is public; 'people' are bound to see that you are trying to get the attention of a twelve-year-old. You should probably leave.” I tapped the door of his car and walked away to stand at the tail end of it and wait for my cab to arrive. It took him close to a minute before he got out of his car, but by that point I had decided to take out my phone and call a reliable cabbie to come fetch me. “Okay, so I may have been a bit condescending earlier –” I put a hand up to stop him from talking and spoke into my phone. I learned the cab would arrive within ten minutes, and that the driver suggested I wait for him where I already was. I hung up, turning around, and forgot to avoid something. To my detriment Lavatory guy was there. And once he saw me lower my phone, he tried to speak to me again. “Look," I said. "I don’t want to be rude, but I’m tired and I’m not in the mood for some rich guy to try floss his money at me so I'll drop my pants. As I said in French, I’m not for sale.” I looked him in the eye as I spoke; my tone was calm with just a minor edge of irritation to it, but nothing full-throttle. “Okay, I get it. We got off on the wrong foot. I’m not trying to buy you, I just want to take you home. The ten minutes your cab drive will take to get here, will be the ten minutes it will take for me to drop you off.” He gave a shy smile at the end, and I almost wanted to cave in, but no. “It doesn’t take ten minutes to drive me home,” I said, looking away. “Hey, hey,” he said grabbing me by my arm. “Look at me. I’m sorry if I offended you earlier. I just… I’m an ass. I’m used to people falling over me because I have money. Maybe you can teach me how to treat someone right?” This time his smile wasn’t shy. I realised he wasn’t shy either, matter of fact he was a smooth operator. “My mother told me to never get into a car with strangers,” I replied solemnly. I may have heard a grunt from him. “My name is Kgotso. I’m into business, starting small ones, buying out members of big ones, etc.” He had said that with such pride that I could feel the arrogance come back. I rolled my eyes and he seemed to have caught that. “Okay, so you really don’t care about what I do, do you?” “I’d like to know who you are, not what you are. You aren’t just limited to the things you do.” I was starting to get cold. “Look, I’ll talk better if you get in the car with me. I swear I’ll drop you off at home nothing weird will happen.” He raised his left hand and made a cross over his heart with the right. That action elicited a giggle out of me, he smiled at the laugh too, and we walked towards the car. I pulled back a bit and took out my phone. Took a picture of the registration number, and sent that to my best friend and captioned it ‘in case I die, find this car, his name is Kgotso.’ During the ride, I gave him hell and he kept pushing back. Maybe the fact that I was so hard on him motivated him, because by the time he reached my then place of residence, he had only gotten the first three numbers of my ten-digit contact number. He sighed, but that didn’t seem to stop him from trying, because the following evening he had pitched up at my apartment complex and rang the landlord looking for a Matsimela. And that only made the landlord grumpy that she had to play receptionist. He told me he wanted to show me something, so I went down to see him, only to have him drive me to Seaview so we could sit under the stars and drink non-alcoholic wine and have dinner that he claimed to have made. The end of that night got him another three digits of my number. The douchebag behaviour disappeared with me, but I was sure it resurfaced when I wasn’t around. Maybe he was trying to impress me, until he got ass and left. But, now knowing what I know, he actually liked the challenge of having someone who made him want to be different than his friends. It sounds weird, but he had told me that he never really connected with them, and only stayed with them because that’s all he knew. We had gone out on several dates within a month before he had finally asked me out properly. I agreed, and things were wonderful until last night. KG had always had his own keys to our apartment. I called it 'ours' because it was bought for our love, and he was mostly there, and seeing as he was mostly there, other people hardly came over. My friends hadn’t met him and I hadn’t met his; it was always us against the world. I understood because he was in the closet, and I was in love I would’ve done anything to make my man happy. So I stayed in the closet with him. He arrived while I was cooking dinner for us. He seemed stressed, so I poured him cognac and went back to the kitchen. I may be fresh out of university, but I’m no stagy-at-home-boyfriend. I work for the School of Language and Literature at the university I went to. It’s not the highest paying job, but I have no need for the fancier things in life. I have a place to stay, which my parents think my job pays for, and the love of my life. Until I opened my damn mouth, that is. “Babe, we’ll be celebrating a year soon. Maybe we should meet each other’s friends now,” I said while stirring the food I was preparing. “Not now Mat. We have had this talk before.” I could hear the exasperation in his voice. “So, basically I must remain hidden, until you are ready?” I asked, trying not to get mad. “Mat, I love you, baby. But I cannot come out. If people know I’m with you, then…” “I know, you will lose investor confidence, and and and and.” I was rolling my eyes as I spoke. “But it hurts not being able to be seen with you, not to be able to show you off. SHIT!” I let out a loud yelp as I burnt my finger. “What’s wrong?” KG asked, running into the kitchen. He grabbed me around the waist and peeked over my shoulder. “Be more careful, okay?” he whispered in my ear before trying to kiss me. “Please, let’s not fight today, Matsimela. I’m really not in the mood.” “And I’m not in the mood to constantly be in the shadows waiting for you,” I retorted. “We’ve been through this before,” he said, throwing his hands up in the air. “Remind me one more time which of your investors are not gay friendly? Because I did a bit of research and found that your three biggest investors, and a large majority of your secondary investors, are not just gay friendly but have members of the LGBT community serving on their boards. But you knew all of this, so tell me the truth.” I had started to move away from him and stand on the opposite side of the counter, because I knew he was going to try and sweet talk his way out of this. “Mat baby, please don’t, I’m already having a bad day. I need us to be us, to have fun and make love.” “I can’t continue having sex with someone who doesn’t love me enough to hold my hand in public, KG. You know Charles thinks I made you up just so I could reject him.” Imagine that, oh goodness at this point, I was done with all the secrecy. “Why lie about investors pulling out? Did you think I wasn’t going to find out? Dude! I cannot believe you. You come over here three nights a week and some weekends to fuck, have fun, be merry and be cute, but still I don’t know any of your friends and family, and all because of a lie. What else have you lied about?” “Nothing,” he said, looking down. “Mat, I’m going to bed.” “Great, now you run from your problems because lying wasn’t enough.” I said as I made my way to block him from leaving the kitchen. “MAT!” That was the first time I heard him raise his voice, I had kept noticing his eyes and face dance around anger, but never had I seen him that livid. “Move!” There was a short growl accompanying that. “Whatever, I’m leaving,” I said, resigning to my fate. I was defeated; I couldn’t get him to talk and I wanted an outlet. I took a walk three or floor blocks down, then walked back, and I repeated the back and forth until I felt too cold. I was at the door when I heard KG shout, but the shouting was one–sided, so I was sure it was over the phone. I walked in and saw him freeze in place. “I’ll be over there once I’m done here,” he responded with less anger. But the other person must’ve replied with something to upset him. “Dammit! I said I’ll be there.” He finally hung up; at that point I was in the kitchen dishing up. He must’ve heard the sound of plates being put down and he came over. “Don’t bother dishing up for me. I’m leaving,” he said, trying to gain composure. “Oh!” “Please babe, not now.” “Fine, I won’t dish up for you,” I said acidly. “Would you believe me if I told you I love you?” “Would you believe me if I told you I want us to be forever? Maybe have a ring on my finger?” I replied “Mat…” he started to trial off. He sounded disappointed. “I love you, but I don’t think we could ever get married – " “Why not? Oh wait, you can’t marry me if you are straight.” My anger toward KG was just boiling now. “I have to go now. I’ll see you tomorrow; we’ll talk about everything then.” “Who is so important that you're leaving the man you allegedly love home alone, filled with anger and hurt? Who?” “Just a business partner who got in trouble with the cops; I have to bail him out.” I saw it in his eyes. He has a ‘tell,’ and I see it every time he lies; it’s like his left eye twitches while he fabricates. “Why come back tomorrow?” I asked patiently. “Because, I cannot be with you when you like this.” He replied sans lie. My mouth opened to speak, then closed. Then opened again; I bit my tongue for the very last time. I finally decided to speak. “If you leave, please don’t come back. I’m done with being treated like this.” I left my food on the counter and started to move out the kitchen. “I’ll come back. This is our home,” he said, grabbing me by the arm. “You are leaving our so called 'home' right now to go bail a friend out of jail. Dammit!! When will you ever tell me the truth?” I violently jerked my arm away from him. “Don’t you even know that your eye twitches when you lie? I see right through your bullshit, but I keep waiting for you to be real with me, to tell me the truth. But I guess all I deserve are pretty things, and road trips. You know what; I owe you an apology for the first night we met. Remember I said you couldn’t buy me? Well guess what, you finally achieved it. You got me this penthouse and various other things within a year. Congratyoumotherfuckenlations. You landed another trophy for your wall of conquests. How many of us are up there, Kgotso? Ten? What, do you go around buying every young boy just to make yourself feel young again? Is that it?” I was fuming. If I could, I would’ve been red. I was almost pacing up and down, that’s how mad I was. “It’s not like that. Mat, I never meant to hurt you. Dammit, I didn’t even know I’d fall in love with you. I never thought we wouldn’t last this long. Now shit is blowing up. I really care for you, but I have to tell you something.” There was sincerity in his voice, but my anger blinded me. “Tell me you gave me AIDS intentionally, and I’ll find –" “No! Just calm down first and then I’ll tell you.” As if on cue, his phone rang. I looked at him and told him I would go to the bathroom because I needed to pee and wash my face. Once out of the living room I made my way to the master bedroom to give him privacy and tried to relax my body. Remember you can leave him; you have your own career. You can make it without him, you’ll miss him but fuck him, right? Yeah that’s it. The more he is out there, the better it is for you. Okay you can go now; what if he leaves? Walks out while you waiting on him to walk in here and say it was all a bad dream. You aren’t really fighting. I listened to the voices in my head and headed out to where I had left KG. And he was nowhere to be found. I looked around the entire house, and he had not been there. I let out a deep sigh of despair so intense that I felt my sphincter clinch. I fell on the floor and wanted to kick and scream, be mad, raise hell, something – anything. But instead, I sat there for ten good minutes and finally decided to switch off all the lights, and go switch on scented candles so I could meditate. I meditated for at least forty-five minutes before I felt lighter, and clearer. I picked up my phone and saw what time it was – 01:54 – it had been an hour and thirty minutes since KG left, assumedly. I don’t know what I was doing; I guess I was dialling his number. I hear the phone ringing through the receiver, and I was about to hang up when somebody picked up. “Hello?” I said calmly. “Hey,” replied a female voice. “May I speak to Kgotso, please?” “He’s asleep, may I help, somehow?” “Oh asleep, thank you. May I ask who this is?” I was trying to find more of my calm. “His wife, and you are?” “Oh, I’m so sorry Mrs Dinokeng. I’m the new assistant for Maxwell and Cowell, unfortunately one of our junior executives was arrested and asked me to contact your husband.” I kept my tone clear and emotionless. “I’ll wake him up then, that sounds urgent.” She was panicking with a genuine state of panic. “No need ma’am. I’ll call again tomorrow morning when he's awake,” I said, but clearly the phone was away from her ear, because I heard no response other than voices from a distance. Shit, she was waking him up. I hung up the phone before he could even speak. I screamed so loudly once I was sure the phone call was dead, and had gone over everything that woman had said. Now it all added up, all the missing pieces fit. I was so angry, I kept thinking about all the time wasted, all the sacrifices, and all the sleepless nights. Oh crap, I walked over to the cabinet where he kept his cologne, and I threw all of them out from the fourth floor, and I watched as they broke on impact. I ran to where his clothes were, and I thought of throwing them out, but no, I’d rather donate them, except for one. The one he loved the most. I assumed she must’ve bought it for him, poor Mrs KG! I was so mad, I stayed up for the rest of that morning watching horror movies and a documentary about suicide; I’d had to watch it for my psychology modules last year, just before I met Kgotso. Wrong Bitch, KG! Wrong mother fucken bitch!
  7. hahaha I suck at guessing but I think its a brain in green goo? slytherin
  8. I am literally tearing up, you guys are too sweet Thank you all so very much. I'm very sorry for replying so late, I only came home last night, been hitting the streets since Thursday. I really appreciate this, from the bottom of my heart
  9. Happy Birthday, Ken!! :) I hope you have an awesome day! :)

    1. Timothy M.

      Timothy M.

      Tillykke med fødselsdagen fra Danmark

  10. I walked back to my car with an overwhelming sense of dread, consumed by my feelings and thoughts the ride to where Brian stayed dragged on. I drove on and finally arrived at his doorstep, where I stood for close to a minute just thinking. Do I really want him? Yes, I love him but do I want him in my life again? I started to turn and walk away when his door opened. “Hey, I was starting to panic, when I looked outside the kitchen window and saw your car parked outside.” My back was still turned towards him. Do I turn and walk into his arms, or do I just walk away forever? “I…” Instead of speaking, I turned around and walked right past him to get into his apartment. It wasn’t out of anger; it was just that I wanted to go in before I changed my mind. Talking made my brain work overtime and if I had stood outside talking to him I would’ve ended up in my car, on my way back home. “You went all out,” I said as I saw the candlelit dining room with an ice bucket, which held in it the champagne we were to drink. I had been led to the dining room by Brian, where he pulled a chair out for me, and it was all so chivalrous and so pompous. He was never the type to do this; I didn’t know why he was doing it either. “Yeah, I wanted our first dinner together after so long to be beautiful.” He was so nervous; he never got nervous around me. I guess I wasn’t the only one that didn’t know what to expect from this dinner. So I thought I’d ease up on him a bit. Give him a fair chance and all. Like a first date. “It is,” I said with a smile. I looked up and found him smiling too. He excused himself to go get the food. I didn’t know what was going through my mind at that point in time, but I remember sighing out loud. It must’ve been because I wasn’t sure what to expect and I never expected that. It was beautiful; I knew he had gotten help. The candles were scented, the entire room felt warm as if he had heated it to the right temperature, and the whole room looked like it could’ve been a restaurant. I was still gazing around the room and admiring all the effort he had put in when he appeared. I noticed for the first time that night that he looked amazing. He wasn’t formal, but you could see he was dressed for a date, his hair had gel in it, he wore jeans that showed off his amazing legs, and everything about him looked so much better under candlelight. “Before we eat, I have some rules,” he said as he put the dinner in front of me and went to place his on his side and sit down. “Rules?” I asked with an arched eyebrow. “Yes, rules,” he repeated in a calm and almost amused manner. I nodded for him to carry on, and learned there was to be “no fighting, no screaming and no shouting. We are here to sort things out properly and get past what happened in the past.” He had his eyes locked on mine, and although I had kept averting that at times, I’d always find a way to have them back on him. “That sounds fair enough,” I said, reaching over to grab the champagne. I somehow knew I’d need a drink. “So, how are you?” he asked as he started to poke at his food. “I’m great, had a hectic gym day today.” I mentioned the last part to explain my outfit, but guessing from the way he looked at me, he didn’t buy it. “Okay, so new rule. No lying,” he said, and then stuffed his face with food. I just shot him an evil eye, but I remembered the rules. “How are you?” I asked. “Not so great, but I’ll get better.” He was calm, as if he had done this a thousand times. Maybe I was overthinking the situation. “That’s good to hear,” I said and quickly added “…the getting better part,” after he side-eyed me. “You look…unlike yourself.” I could see he was trying, but I had spent all day crying; I wasn’t about to loosen up. “Do you have anything stronger than this?” I asked waving my near-empty glass of champagne. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” The way he said it made it sound like he was talking to a drunk who was about to go off the deep end again. I hated his tone. I hated this date. What the fuck was it supposed to achieve. I gave him a hard stare then just decided to play with the food. I wasn’t hungry; I had no appetite and I had no energy. ARGH I was just frustrated. “You should eat that not play with it,” he suggested in such a soothing way. “I’m just trying to pass time until I’m allowed to go home,” I stated. Granted I was being immature but… Damn it, I was not okay with any of it. I wasn’t okay with the dream I had had. I wasn’t okay with him trying to win me over. I wasn’t okay with everyone in his family wanting him to be with me. I just wasn’t okay! “Khail, calm down, it’s just me.” “That’s why I want to leave.” I saw the disappointment in his eyes as I said that. “Tell me what the point of all of this is? You win me over, and make me fall in love with you all over again, and then you leave?” My tone wasn’t pointed, matter of fact I was shocked at how calm I was at that point. “Have you asked yourself why I’m doing this?” “No, I have been trying really hard to avoid you,” I said and looked down, trying to avoid eye contact. I was ashamed of what I had just said. “I noticed that much, you never were good at hiding anything from me.” He let out a chuckle as he finished saying that. I feared how the date was going to go; half of me was screaming for him, and the other half was screaming at him. “Well, I’m back in town to try and sort out a place to stay, and sign contracts for my new job. Khail, I’m here because I’m trying to come back home. For good.” My primary excuse for not being with him just got blown out of water. He was coming back, and I knew that meant he’d be in my life whether I liked it or not. I was quiet for a few seconds after he had finished making his big reveal. “Why?” I finally asked. “Why come back? Well, my dad is sick. I’m sure you noticed he wasn’t at the party the other day.” His dad never liked me, matter of fact, that’s the one person I have to say hates the idea of Brian and I being together more than…well more than Miranda. “His got pancreatic cancer; it’s in its final stages, and well, I want to be here for my mom when shit gets real. When she lost her first husband she was alone and now she has me. I want her to know I’ll be here for her.” “I’m sorry to hear that. Elizabeth looked so happy, I would never have thought…” I trailed off and gazed at him. He looked so sad, I really wanted to go over and hug, him but I wasn’t sure if that was appropriate, so I reached for his hand instead. “She’s being strong for Ntando and Gabby; she doesn’t want them to feel like things are worse than they are.” Ntando and Gabby were his younger siblings, not that much younger but younger. I hated how hurt he looked. “I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to, you know that right?” I hadn’t realised exactly what I had said until I had said it. It caused him to look me in the eye and I think I could see a smile, but I wasn’t sure. “You know you have always been very understanding,” he said, trying to lighten up the atmosphere. “I guess it’s because you were easy to understand,” I said, while trying to pull my hand out of his. “I still am,” he said, still clutching onto my hand. We looked at each other in silence for a few seconds. “Give me a minute,” he said as he was getting up from his chair. I just looked up at him and nodded in response. I was in way over my head. Even the voices in there had started making fun of me: ‘You know I’m here for you, right?’; ‘It’s okay Brian, come back into my life and fuck it up again.’; ‘Oh Brian, I love the way you look at me.’; ‘Oh fuck me on the table, Brian.’ “Here,” he said, brutally breaking up my train of vicious thought. “What is it?” I asked, looking at the gift-wrapped box. “Khail, gifts are meant to be opened.” He was being the playful Brian that had stolen my heart. FUCK! I was a goner. I opened the gift-wrap and noticed it was a long box. Clearly the box was made for a necklace; while it was still wrapped I had thought it was chocolate. “Remember when we were younger and we used to be so in love; to be honest, I don’t know how people didn’t see how in love we were.” He shook his head to get back on track. “We were playing in your backyard, having so much fun after I had the worst exam ever. You always seemed to make the bad days seem better. You got me ice-cream as I sat by the pool, and you were such a sneaky little bugger that you had put some alcohol in the ice. I never told you I noticed because I knew you just wanted me to feel better. We spent the rest of the day goofing around; it wasn’t until you fell and ended up cutting yourself that I realised that I hated the idea of you being hurt. I wanted to take care of you and when we made it to our one-year anniversary, I just wanted you to be mine forever, and that was when I pre-proposed to you. I know we spent a year and a half away from each other, and hating each other, but I want you to know all we need is one more year together and we can get engaged.” I looked down at the necklace, and it had a beautiful ring on it. The ring was an 18ct white gold ring with two black diamonds in the middle. I looked at him puzzled, was that him proposing? Was this really happening? “Brian, uhm –” I was going to continue, but he put a finger on my mouth and put the necklace with the ring on me. “I know you want to say no. I know you have reservations, but I’m not saying marry me now. I’m saying here is a ring, and I want it to be on your finger eventually, but that’s all up to you. If and when you decide you want to give me…I mean, us, a second try I’ll be here; I’ll be ready to make it forever.” He had said this as he was standing over me; he lifted my head up so I could look into his eyes and placed a soft and gentle kiss on my forehead. “Brian, I cannot – ” I started; he was going to interrupt but I shook my head at him. “I know you want to speak. But hear me out; I love you and you’ll always be my first love and probably the only man that could get the best of me, but I’m not sure about us. I’m not sure if I can do it again.” He looked confused. “So you are giving up on us?” he asked as he walked to stand in front of me. “No, not giving up; I’m giving in to the situation.” I tried to choose my words very wisely so it took me a few seconds to reply to him. “And what exactly is that situation?” Brian had managed to pull his chair to where he was and sat in front of me, and holding my hand. “The situation is that I want to get some time away from you and figure out who I am outside of you.” I was being honest, all I knew was Brian, and sometimes I got lost between him and me; sometimes I liked things just because he liked them. I needed to find myself. “You had a year and a half to do that.” “Well, that was a year and a half away from you physically, not mentally or emotionally. I thought about you all the time; what you’d want me to do? What you’d think of the things I did? What you were doing? Who you were doing? Were the guys you were with better than me? Why didn’t you love me enough to stay? What did I do wrong for you to abandon me for a woman, one you never could love or care for? Every day would be a new question, those are like 547 questions about you never mind the thoughts I had about you. The dreams, and the times I thought people looked like you.” “Judging by what you’re saying, you never get the time you want away from me.” “I’ll try though. I think it started when someone other than you found me attractive enough to lay with me.” “You know I won’t let you go easily, right? Not with my dad being sick and everything. The whole thing with my dad made me realise what’s important. Either of us could die today or tomorrow and we would’ve died having given up on love, and I don’t want that for us. Khail, I love you and I fucked up, but we can fix us. We can work on this, with me being out now, things are going to much easier – “So, you won’t cheat on me again?” “Never again in my life. You have to understand that, what happened had nothing to do with you. I cheated because I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t understand how I felt about you, and every time I was with my friends and colleagues they’d try hooking me up with some girl. I needed a front – okay, I didn’t need one. I was an idiot. What I needed to do was to come clean and tell everyone I was with you, but I didn’t. I never meant for her and I to go that far, I thought… I don’t know what I thought. Don’t think I’m just saying all of this, I mean this, Khail. You learn a lot from listening to your parents and having to be without the one thing you love, and trying to find replacements that will never amount to anything.” He leaned in closer to me and our foreheads were pressed up against each other, and he smiled at me. He had a devilish smile: that smile is what got me in this mess in the first place. “Have you ever thought that maybe you and I aren’t meant to be? Maybe we got together and were beautiful together, but are not ‘right’ for each other. I don’t know, sometimes I feel like I can love you with all my heart, but every time I think of being with you, it hurts. I cannot see past the resentment. I keep trying to imagine you and me down the road in love all over again, but then I see an image of someone more attractive than me, then I feel myself panic because my mind starts to think you’ll leave me for them...” I trailed off; I had a lump in my throat. If I spoke anymore I’d burst out in tears. “I did once, but then I heard the story about my mom and the man she loved before my dad. They never gave up on their love until death interfered. I’m not the type to do the whole I’d die without you thing, and I won’t do it, but I want you to know that you mean so much to me. The fact that I threw us away so easily hurts me, and that was part of my anger. How could you still have wanted to talk to me after I did what I did to you? How could I have been so stupid to allow what everyone else thought come in between us? I wasn’t so much angry at you, more so, I was angry at me for letting you go and not understanding our love. I learnt so much over the past year and a half, and that’s why I’m confident I’ll never cheat on you again. That’s why I know we can be together again, but I cannot force this on you. I know I hurt you, and I will do everything I can to make sure you know that I’m ready for us. Ready to be the man you’ve needed me to be for you.” “I think I need the bathroom.” I got up and started to walk over to the restroom, but before I left, I stopped, and turned around to look at him watching me. “Before that, I need us to be sure that you said the rules were no fighting, screaming, and no lying.” He nodded in agreement, and as soon as that was done, I walked over to the bathroom. I ran the tap and watched myself cry in the mirror. It was a silent cry, but still I didn’t want him to think I was crying. I washed my face, shut the tap off, and dried my face before walking out of the bathroom. “Would you like anything else to drink?” Brian asked as I sat down in front of him. “No, I’m driving,” I replied solemnly. “OH.” The disappointment was evident. “Do you think I’m wrong for wanting you in my life again?” I just looked at him once; he had asked that question. This was like one of those exam questions that you got when you had only studied half of your work, and then boom, out of nowhere your lecturer asks you about something you didn’t study or expect. No matter what you answer, you are screwed. “I think you have every right to want me back,” I answered, knowing I had not really answered him. “You didn’t answer me, Khail,” he said, raising my face up to meet his gaze. “You aren’t wrong.” I was avoiding eye contact with him again. “Khail?” I looked into his eyes and held his gaze. “All I want to know is that I have a chance, I want to know that you want there to be an ‘us’ too.” His voice was so sincere, and I just didn’t know what I wanted. “Brian, I don’t know what you want me to say. Just a few hours ago I was bawling in tears, depressed as hell, and before that I was busy trying to numb the pain anyway I knew how. Now here you are telling me you want a chance after you threw us away for a girl who…” I stopped myself before I could say something that could’ve started a fight. Up until this point, everything was being said with sincerity, passion and no hostility. If I were to finish that sentence, that would’ve changed. “Who what?” he asked intrigued; I guess he caught the last part. “You said no fighting,” I stated as I looked down and fiddled with my fingers. “We aren’t fighting –” he said, but he noticed the look I gave him. I interrupted as he was going to continue. “You know 'she' always causes a fight.” “We're trying to move on, so come on, talk to me. If I get angry and we fight then clearly she’s a factor and you shouldn’t even think of giving me a second chance.” There was logic in this man, somewhere there was logic. “After you told me about you and her I was so mad, so very mad at you, I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me. So I hired a private investigator to tail you so he could find out who you were seeing, then tail her and dig any and everything up on her.” I stopped to look at him for a minute, now it was my turn to hold his hand. “After the Sunday lunch at your uncle’s place when you came with her and I outted you… Well let’s just say it was enough to send her somewhere so she could abort what tied you and her together. The only reason she ended up in hospital and said it was a miscarriage was because there was some form of complication with the abortion. The investigator I had hired had hacked into the abortion clinic’s server and got her patient folder and details. I have them in my safe at home. I had the ultimate weapon to hurt you, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to forward all that information to you.” I sat there and looked at him, it had gotten quiet and he had his head down. I guess it was a lot to take in. We were silent for a good minute or so. “I remember how you broke the news to everyone at lunch. My uncle, Themba, had just asked how long she and I had been together. I remember looking at you when I replied, but you were in your own little world – cutting your steak into small triangles. Then I made the mistake of answering, and I remember the laugh you let out that day; it was something I had never heard from you. It was a dark sarcastic laugh that was filled with hurt, resentment and betrayal. Then once you were sure everyone was looking at you – you still had your head down cutting your meat – you finally lifted your head and looked at me for the first time that day. ‘Let me get this right, for the past eight months, while I’ve been planning our six-year anniversary, you been busy getting some skank pregnant? Is that what us being together for the past six years means to you?’ You then got up and left. I remember thinking how the hell could you say that, but never once did I think about her. All I thought about was me, and how my family would take it. I guess what I’m trying to say is, she meant nothing to me. She was just a casualty of war and so was that baby. I would’ve loved to have had one, I still want one, but I don’t think having had it with her would’ve been ‘right.'" I looked at him once he was done talking; I honestly had been at a loss for words. “If you didn’t care for her, then why give us up? Why not ask her to see reason before I found out?” I think I was more shocked than he was by the question. “I wanted to prove to myself that I was straight. I told you I wasn’t sure of who I was back then. I needed you to drag me out of the closet so I could confront my fears and not hide behind the 'norm' that I wasn’t part of.” “Brian, do you mind just holding me for a minute?” The voices in my head started screaming and cursing at me not to do it, but my treachery was my own doing. I had no confidence in myself. I got up so I could welcome the embrace. “Mind me asking why?” he asked as he wrapped his arms around my waist, it was a tight hold but not so tight that it would hurt. Tight enough for me to feel warm and comfortable, it was something I missed. “I haven’t had this in a while. I just want to feel safe.” “You’ll always be safe in my arms; all you have to do is come back to me.” “I can’t do that now, maybe later, but not now. I just need to discover myself; you took your time, now allow me the same. That’s all I ask. If it’s really meant to be then we will be.” That was my answer, which was all I was going to say about the matter. “I understand. Now can I ask you for something?” he said pulling me away from him so he could look me in the eyes. “Anything you want,” I said, but I knew that I’d probably say no. Clearly he knew that too, because he didn’t ask anything, he just leaned in for a kiss. He kissed me gently and with so much passion. The kiss wasn’t hurried, hungry or lustful. It was a pure kiss that brought my heart alive. It reminded me of our first kiss, but this time it was magnified because we weren’t hiding out in the back of his dad’s car. We broke the kiss up and he pulled away from me slightly, by slightly I mean if either of us were to move their head a smidge, then we’d be kissing again. “You can’t leave me Khail. I’m not over you, I want you to be mine,” he whispered so softly and he leaned in to kiss me again. But before he kissed me I could see his eyes tearing up. We kissed and then he pulled back and told me he wanted to get dessert ready, we hadn’t even finished dinner. I hadn’t even touched my dinner; he cleared the table and walked off to the kitchen while I walked off to the lounge and looked through his cd collection. I found an album I hadn’t listened to in a long time and played it. I sat there waiting for him, once he came back he handed me my dessert and motioned for me to move up. We sat on his sofa, just catching up and listening to music. That’s all that happened on Sunday. So whether Brian and I get back together is up to fate.
  11. I think it's a sex room with all his sex toys and all... It would make a lot of sense. Mikky just doesn't know when the right guy is attracted to him, his always attracted to the dickheads. We see this now with him and Marv, versus him and David. Also the thing with him and David was meant as a joke, until it went too far. He was being daring to David just because he saw how uncomfortable it made him. We may have a Sadist in our midst.
  12. I woke up in Marvin’s house in a panic. I had to get home before my parents left for work; I had to try telling them I was fine. Or I’d get a hectic lecture about being irresponsible and giving them hernias. I walked to the bathroom, which was a few doors away from the bedroom I was assigned, and once there I took a leak, used Marv’s mouthwash to freshen my breath and tried to convince myself to wake up Marv. I had gathered all the balls I could in order to go to Marv’s room; I wasn’t sure whether he and I were cool after I tried to enter his secret room. I was about to knock at his door but he opened it. “Morning,” Marv said with a warm smile. I guess the smile answered all my fears. “Hey,” I said returning the same smile. I was looking at his body; it was fucken amazing! I don’t mean like ‘oh he has a hot body,’ I mean I could fucken use his bloody abs to grate cheese! His arms weren’t the bulkiest, but they sure did look like they could carry me around. The 'v' that pointed to his crotch – OH MY FUCKEN BOY PUSSY! He was so defined that I thought it was ridiculous. I remember thinking his muscles were going to jump from his body to say hello to me, that’s how defined they were. “I take it you were going to wake me up to take you home?” he asked as I realised that I was in his way and just gawking at him. I nodded to answer his questions; words had escaped me. “Mind if I go to the bathroom first, then take you home?” “In your underwear?” I asked after I snapped out of my trance. Marvin laughed at me as I stepped out of the way and he went to the bathroom. I walked to go make the bed I had slept in. I knew – okay I lie – I hoped Marvin wouldn’t take a full-on bath or shower. The thought of Marvin fully naked just popped in my mind. I shook my head to get my perverted thoughts out of there. In an attempt to cool down, I reached for my phone, and dialled my home telephone. “Good Morning.” It was my mother, her voice sounded normal, yet I was nervous. “Hey Nik-Nak,” I said trying to down play things. “Damien, it’s your daughter,” she yelled to my father. “We thought we’d never hear from you. Which country are you in?” My mom’s sarcasm was a tad warranted, I think. I guessed they had every right to worry and think I was dead. I had avoided them for two days, and then I managed not to come home and they knew not where I was. I actually turned out to be quiet the horrible child. “Mom, I’m on my way home. I was at a friend’s place. I’ll explain everything when I get there,” I said, trying to calm her down. “Well, your father and I weren’t worried at all. We actually have another child here, and he is just so wonderful. You know Matthew is so well–behave, that after he came home last night, he made your father and I coffee and brought it to us in our room.” She sounded pensive to some extent, but I knew this was her way of acting up. Dad gave me lectures and she tried to pretend that she didn’t care. “Mom, please don’t be mad. I swear I’m on my way. I will explain everything when I get there.” “How are you going to get here? Your car is in the driveway.” “My friend, Marvin, is going to drive me over.” “Hmmm. Marvin. Friend. Slept-over. Drive you home. Hmmm. Well, you know the rules. Oh, and we’ll be waiting.” I was about to say that it wasn’t what she thought, but she hung up. I was dead. You know that moment when you realize you just fucked up, and you try for the life of you not to let that feeling of regret get to you? No? Yes? Well, I had that feeling. I walked out of the room to find Marvin fully dressed and standing at the door of the secret room. I guessed he was locking it. “Ready?” he asked. I nodded, and we walked to his car. We drove to my place in comfortable silence; well, it wasn’t that silent since I gave him directions. I tried to convince him to let me drive myself home, but he told me he had to or else he wouldn’t know how to get back. Apparently once he is in the passenger’s seat he doesn’t really pay attention to where he’s going. I stopped trying to convince him, and accepted that he was going to drive and I dictate where to go. “Sorry about last night, you know with the room and everything,” he said almost in an embarrassed way. “It’s chill. We all have a right to our privacy. As long as you know I didn’t mean to pry. I just thought…” “I know. I just overreacted, and I’m sorry.” He glanced at me and I could see the sincerity. “Don’t worry; it will be my turn to apologise soon,” I said as I imagined the questions my dad would ask. “Why would you say that?” he asked, confused. “Make a right and then take a left two streets down,” I said as we entered my neighbourhood. “Well, my parents want to meet you. They have this rule about sleeping over at friends' places, especially if it’s a guy. So, yeah... They totally are going to ask you awkward things.” I looked down and shook my head. I heard him hold back a laugh. “How old are you?” he asked in a joking manner. “They allow you to make decisions about their restaurant, but they need you to clock in at home?” “Shut up! I guess they worry about their flamboyant child not coming home. Shit happens, and I can’t imagine how hard it would be for them if I got killed because I was ‘out’ in the wrong part of town.” I looked up and signalled for Marv to take a right. “Then why not hide it? Why not bulk up and be manly?” he asked. I would’ve taken offence if it was someone else, but somehow I knew he meant well. “Imagine having to hide who you are just so others would be more comfortable with whom they want you to be. That would allow ‘them’ to sleep at night, but not me. I’d feel like a caged bird. And do you know why the caged bird sang, Marvin?” I was trying to sound playful and nonchalant. “I don’t. Why don’t you tell me?” he was playing along with me. He caught on to what I was doing. “Because he was two doors away from his home and the gate wasn’t open for him to get in.” I said as I pointed to where we were going. Marvin laughed at my silliness. Once close enough to open the gate with the remote, we drove in and I braced myself. We stepped out of the car and I looked at myself in one of the mirrors; I looked the same as yesterday, just with less baggage under my eyes. We walked into the house through the main entrance; on a normal day I would have walked in through the kitchen. Alas, I had a guest with me and I had to present myself accordingly. I saw Marvin stare at the house in amazement. “I’ll give you a tour after your interrogation,” I said, looking at him with a smile. He smiled and gave me thumbs up. I found nothing impressive about my home but that may be because I lived in it. Anyway, we walked in and Marvin still had this amused look on his face. I led us to where I heard voices: the dining room I would’ve been surprised but I knew they were waiting. “Look who finally made it,” I heard my mom say, still mad at me. “Morning Mother,” I said as I walked over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She tried to dodge it, but she didn’t put up much of a fight. I then moved over to my dad, “Daddy.” Instead of trying to dodge it he gave me a kiss on the forehead. “Morning son,” my dad responded before looking at Marvin. “Mom and Dad this is Marvin. Marvin, this is my mother Amanda, and my father Damien,” I said as I made my way to get myself seated. I pointed at a chair so that Marvin could sit too. “Nice to finally meet you both, Mr and Mrs Lucas,” Marv said as he walked over to shake both of my parents’ hands, and then he made his way to end up seated next to me. I won’t lie, I was nervous. I hadn’t done this with anyone, not even Brian. They always treated him like Donald’s nephew, and when we started getting close and I had to tell them we were dating, but that they couldn’t tell anyone because he was in the closet, they just treated him like a close friend. I guess it had been too late for them to pull the whole, ‘what are your intentions with our son thing’. “Nice to meet you too, Marvin,” my mom replied in a warm tone. “Would you like some tea or coffee? I’m sure you had a late night, and then to wake up so early to drive Mikhail home...” My dad shook his head as he finished his sentence. I was convinced these two were playing good cop bad cop. But who was good who was bad? Because to me both of them were bad. “Yes sir, Mikhail had a rough night. Your son had to drive me to the hospital after I ate something I was allergic to. I would probably be lying in a puddle of my own vomit, dead, if it weren’t for him. Taking him home is just a small way for me to say thank you to him. You two really raised a nice young man.” I almost died at that response. It sounded very pageantry; like it was prepared by some Miss World contestant. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it, it was better than what I would’ve said, but I hadn’t expected it from him. I never took Marvin for the eloquent-gentleman type, maybe it’s because when I’m around him he’s always ‘kicking’ it with the boys. “Oh dear, how did that happen?” my mom asked, concerned. “Well, Mikhail and I were out having dinner, and I had forgotten to ask him what was in the main that we ate, and it turns out mussels were in there hiding waiting to attack.” He let out a nervous giggle at the end, and I joined him for a laugh. “What about that tea or coffee, Marvin?” my dad asked. It was odd – why was he so adamant on coffee? “Yes, please sir, I would love a cup of coffee,” Marvin replied with the utmost respect, as a matter-of-fact, he was so respectful and composed, that he was nothing like the guy I saw at clubs or at dinner. “Mikhail, go make Marvin coffee.” I had heard my dad, but I didn’t understand. “Excuse me?” I asked with a most shocked expression. “Go make your friend a cup of coffee, son,” he said in a serious tone. “Me a go tell Veronica,” I said in Patois as I got up off my chair. It was clear I was talking to my dad. “No. You make it.” My dad met my stare and he had this stern look that I’d never seen. “I dey 'pon haste," he said, and I started to walk away after he told me he was in a hurry. I knew what they were up to, well I thought I knew, and it made me uncomfortable. I shook my head and I looked back and stood still as I was about to walk out of the room. “Mek mi kibba mi mouth to rahtid,» – let shut my mouth – I said as I shot my parents a look of disapproval. I heard them talking as I walked away from the dining room. I walked into the kitchen and started making Marvin coffee. I would have made him toast too, but I was anxious to get back in that room, so instead I got him cookies. I had been surprised at the fact that the kitchen was empty, but I wasn’t going to worry about what Veronica was up to, not with Mom and Dad drilling the one person who had no romantic interest in me. Poor guy was probably freaking out. I wanted to rush back into the dining room and rescue him, but his coffee wasn’t ready yet. Two more minutes, or as my youngest cousin would say, two sixties to go. I walked back to where the interrogation was taking place only to hear a few giggles and whispers. Great, they were being nice. I walked in with a huge smile plastered on my face. The smile was as real as Mary Poppins'. “There we go,” I said as I gave Marv his coffee and sat my ass down. “Thanks,” he said with a smile. “Mikhail, Marvin is such a nice young gentleman. Why on earth have we never met him before?” My mother asked. I could hear a plotting undertone to her voice. I hope she wasn’t going to suggest I go for Marv. “Because, we are friends and I don’t introduce you to my friends, who are mainly girls.” “That’s because Miranda is basically family,” my dad chirped in. “I have other friends than Miranda,” I said, defending myself. I noticed my parents giggle and I turned to see Marvin shaking his head and mouthing ‘he doesn’t’ behind my back. “It’s okay Princess, we know you are hard to be around,” my dad said as he and my mom shared a look I couldn’t place, before they got up and said they had to go to work. As they were leaving, I remembered something. “Lunch is at home today; I’m cooking for you and Miranda,” I said casually. “What’s the occasion?” asked my mom. “I’m ready to talk about Sunday.” As soon as I said it, I watched my parents share another look and head for the door. Marvin looked at me confused, I told him it was nothing, just what happened at an event. As I watched him finish his cup of coffee, I got the idea to invite Miranda over for lunch as well. Two birds with one stone. I got my phone out and started texting her. It was going to be a long lunch. “So, what are you going to make everyone?” Marvin interrupted my thoughts as I was looking down at my phone. “Acorn squash stuffed with bread, cheese, and bacon. I hope I can do it as well as I did last time,” I said as I sent the text message to Miranda. “Sounds… Nice.” “Shut up. I know you think I can’t cook, but I’m… OK at it,” I said in a playful manner. His only reaction was to laugh at me. “How about we go put your cup away and I take you on the tour I promised." He nodded and downed the contents of his cup. Marvin was such a sweet…wait fuck, I needed to stop thinking about straight men in this manner. They are the reason I feel like a case NCIS can’t solve inside. So, I stuck to walking him around; we started at the kitchen, then we went in a random and unsystematic order. He kept chirping in things, and we’d have jokes about stupid things, but we seemed to be enjoying each other’s company. It was so easy to just let go around him. He didn’t ask about Brian, fuck, he didn’t even know him. He just allowed me to live in the present. Maybe that’s why I liked him. “I love how the house is a classic Georgian mansion. It has so much character to it.” Marvin was getting excited, he kept getting distracted by small details in the house, and I kept thinking it was weird, but shrugged it off. “You architects have no off button do you?” I asked with feigned sarcasm. “You see a building and you all goofy eyed and go ‘Oh preeeeety’.” I mocked him, landing myself a soft shove. We giggled and we ended up in the garage so I could show him my car. He made fun of me, saying I had a bitch car. “You should get a real one not this clown car,” he mocked. “Hey! This is my baby; she could probably drive circles around your crap Jeep.” I retaliated. “Be careful what you say, we might end up drag racing.” I could see he was challenging me. “I bet you two milkshakes that your car could never beat mine.” I had said milkshakes in hopes that it would break the topic. I really hated drag racing. I found the whole race in high speeds just to prove a point, well kind of pointless. “Hey, Mikhail. When did you arrive?” I heard someone call out, then realised it was Matt. I turned around to look at him. “Hey, Matt. I just arrived this morning,” I replied nonchalantly. I caught Matt glance between Marv and I. “Matt meet Marvin. Marvin this is Matthew.” I introduced them hoping Matt would stop giving us glances. They shook hands and said their hellos. “When are we heading to work today?” Matt asked. “I can’t; remember today is the day we sabotage a dress Rehearsal. And besides I need to make lunch for the rents and Miranda to tell them about Sunday,” I said contemplating whether the lunch was a good idea or not. “Shit, I forgot about the dress rehearsal,” he seemed to be in thought for a second; he scratched his head and looked down before he spoke again. “Want me to be present at the lunch? You know, for moral support cons…” He stopped and looked over at Marvin. I’m guessing he couldn’t finish what he wanted to say in front of Marvin. “That would be great; I could use a friendly face in there.” We both smiled at each other. “I’m off then, got a date at the skate park with my boys. Check you before lunch,” he said before he walked off into the house, probably to get his board. I turned to find Marv looking at... well nothing. “Not boyfriends, huh?” he said. “Not boyfriends,” I replied causally. “Oh! NO! Matt doesn’t…about me. Oh, lord no. Matt is interested in someone else. We just look out for each other after what happened to him,” I said devastated at what he had implied. Good grief I sucked at pick-up signs as to who wanted me and who didn’t. Brian always made things easy for me. He always said things. I never had to think about it, and during Brian I was so in love I didn’t notice flirting until someone was blatant about it. “Sure, I’m sure you feel nothing. But him… Not so sure.” “Let’s go get something to drink.” I suggested this hoping to change topics. “No, I have to go. Besides you have to go get clean and prepare for the lunch your supposed to make.” Marvin had a beautiful smile that made my insides warm. My insides weren’t supposed to be warm; he is straight. He would never… I should not have thoughts. “Okay then,” I said with a smile and we started making our way to his car. Once there I gave him a hug and said goodbye. Thinking back, I would’ve held him tighter, but I didn’t, instead I went back into the house. Matt had left, and apparently the staff was still nowhere in sight. I wandered around, but I remembered that they did as they wanted after they had finished cleaning up. Speaking off which, I had to get clean, so I headed up to my room and started freshening up. I prepared for lunch the only way I knew how. Matt came in while I was still in the Kitchen roasting the squash. I looked at him, he smiled at me, and then I told him to get cleaned up before lunch, as he was dripping in sweat. He left me alone after he stole one of my oven baked zucchini fries that I had prepared as a side dish. I was so consumed in my action that I didn’t realise my mom and dad had come back for lunch. For some strange reason they kept riding around together lately, by lately I meant for the past two days. I smiled at them and set the dining room table. I wanted to get lunch over and done with. Matt came down soon after and asked if he could help me with. I really wanted to kiss him for how wonderful he was to me. He treated me like we really were family; I loved his warm heart and the kindness that came from him. He helped with the family and he loved doing the things I didn’t want; I saw that mom and dad really appreciated having them around. I made a note to ask them why they hadn’t had another child, because they cleared loved the idea of two kids. “Miranda is here,” Matt said with a soothing voice as he grabbed my arm from behind. “Thanks Matt,” I said nervously. “Don’t worry Mikhail, I’ll be there and you know how I have your back, big bro,” he proclaimed as he made his way from me to the fridge to get refreshments for everyone. “Thanks Matt. I’ll look at you when I feel like I need strength,” I said as I turned to start dishing out the food. I served, and after Matt had come back from providing refreshments, we both carried food out to everyone. We sat in silence and started digging in. “This tastes real good, bro,” Matt said, breaking the silence. “Thanks, Matt. I learnt it from Brian,” I said without really realising the looks I got were weird. “Speaking of which, I was with him on Sunday, and he and I talked. A LOT. For once we didn’t laugh.” I laughed out a nervous laugh. “Want to talk about it?” Miranda asked. “You know I do,” I actually laughed an honest laugh. I opened my mouth to say more, but I froze. How do I start the story of what possibly could’ve been the end?
  13. Grunge_Ken

    Chapter 18

    I just finished reading the entire story again for the third time and I f-word love it. I'm anticipating the next chapters. At first I thought Jo and Opie would get it on now the idea of Jo with some dangerous mystery man that sounds more fun and has all kinds of thrill seeking written all over it. Keep up the good work.
  14. Grunge_Ken

    Secret Rooms

    Mikhail into Marv? I can't say without spoiling things and I'm not ready to give up the ending. Not yet anyway. The next chapter is giving me sleepless nights, I keep deleting and adding, and deleting and adding. But it should be out before next Saturday Sometimes people bond during a rough patch. Let's hope that this brought Marv and Mikhail closer together.
  15. Thank you so much, one thing we need to remember about Mikhail is that he isn't use to flirting or reading vibes from other people, because he had been with Brian for so long. And things with Brian used to be said never suggested, to him what he and Marvin are doing is just friendly banter. Maybe Marvin said Lisa, because that's how he met Mikhail. Maybe he wanted to tell Mikhail he was beautiful but stopped himself and said Lisa. We'll never know. I really think that though the character's get drunk and want to get freaky with each other at some level their minds still contemplate the repercussions. Again thank you for the review it is much appreciated.
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