The Strange Life of Jonas Marks - 18. Chapter 18

I couldn’t help but stare at the door. I was beginning to wonder just what the next batch would look like when the door swung open and an attractive woman strode through it. Her skin was a pale green and her hair looked more like long leaves. There were flowers throughout her hair and a long sword was strapped across her back. She carried a walking stick, but I had little doubt she could use the stick as a weapon as well.

“Good day, Sir. May I ask you to contact Mr. Openseter for me?”

“Yes, of course. Would you like to be seated? If you would like a glass of water, there are cups over there.”

“No, thank you.” She bowed slightly and wandered over to look out the window.

I reached over and called Opie.

“Hello.”

“Got another one for you, Opie.”

“Already? Gee, they are coming in rather fast. Just keep whoever it is company. I have to finish up with Romulus and his partner and I’ll be right there.”

“No problem.”

As I hung up the phone, the green woman turned to me and tilted her head.

“Mr. Openseter will be right with you.”

“Very well.”

I was about to start typing up another romance request when the door opened again. This time, I wasn’t sure what to call the one who came in. It was tall and looked to be covered in bark. I’d almost say it was a tree, but it had two muscular looking legs and arms, besides the branches that seemed to begin around the neck and grow out of its head. A wind seemed to come out of nowhere and the branches began to rub against each other, and suddenly I heard a very odd sound. A moment later, I realized it was words.

“Have to see the opener of worlds. He has promised to match me. Please bring me to him.” The wind faded and the tree creature stood there silently.

“Mr. Openseter will be right here.”

As if by magic, my office door opened, and there stood Opie.

“I’m so glad you could both make it. Come with me; I have people who are waiting to meet you both.”

The tree creature moved slowly across the way while the woman seemed to glide across the floor. They both followed Opie out the door and I was once again left alone.

I shuffled through the romance requests getting them back into order when I saw movement near my office door.

“Wow. You do have some really attractive people coming through here tonight,” Chris stated as he leaned against the doorframe and looked back down the hallway he had just come from.

“You think so?”

“Is something wrong with your eyes, Jonas? I mean that tall woman with the long dark brown hair was stunning. I’ve never seen a dress that looked like that. I’d almost say it looked like it was bark, but it hugged her curves perfectly. And that other looker that was in there with you. Wow. The flowers in her hair and all really just added to her exotic look. If I wasn’t already taken….” Chris shook his head. “Anyway, I’m going to go order the food. It should be here just before nine.”

“Remember when it comes in to call Opie. He said he would pay for it all tonight.”

Chris nodded and then paused. “Your boss is different, but no one can say he doesn’t treat the people who work with him right. You really are lucky, Jonas.”

I smiled, feeling very lucky indeed.

The door didn’t open again for about twenty minutes. I plowed through the rest of the romance requests in that time. There were two requests that really sort of gave me a moment where I wasn’t sure if the applicants were kidding. One was looking for a woman of at least six foot, powerful enough to split bones with a sword, and wanted her to be as stacked as she was muscular. It sounded like some kid’s idea of the perfect woman. However, even worse was the request for a sort of similar male. Someone wanted a man of at least six foot four, muscular, with four arms, preferably green in color, with a rather large part of the male anatomy which was not to be smaller than a foot long. I just shook my head and couldn’t imagine anyone wanting something that big.

After typing in the last request, I began to stand up and stretch. Sitting down was making me nervous. I crossed the room to grab a drink of water just as the door opened again.

The woman that entered was literally a vision in white. Her skin seemed more like milk than a normal skin tone, and looked to be flawless. Her hair fell in white curls down her back. She was nearly my height, thin and beautiful. Her eyes were the deepest purple I’d ever seen. When she spoke, I noticed her lips were a pale pink.

“Are you alright?” Her voice was almost musical.

“Uh-huh.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be calling for someone?” She asked again.

Suddenly Fire was standing beside me. “Call Opie! Now!”

The woman stood perfectly still.

“Hi,” I chirped into the phone, my eyes never leaving the woman’s form.

“Jonas? Are you alright?” Opie sounded nervous all of a sudden.

“The idiot brought a siren here,” muttered Fire as she stamped back and forth in front of me and the woman.

Opie appeared at the door a moment later. I seemed to sense him, but my attention was drawn to the beautiful woman across from me.

“I’m sorry. I thought the glamour would work.” The woman stood where she had been. “Did I do it wrong?”

“Damn! I forgot how good he is at seeing past things.” Opie stood for a moment looking at me and then grasped my face and forced me to stare at him. “Jonas, listen to me. She isn’t for you.”

“But Opie, she is so pretty.”

“Grr. Opie, do something!” Fire leaned in and looked at me carefully. “He is two hundred percent gay. This is going to screw him up on so many levels if you don’t fix it!”

I tried to turn to look at the woman again, but Opie held my head still. He leaned in close and blew smoke into my face.

I coughed and tried to shake my head as he did it again.

“Enough. Are you trying to kill me?” I coughed again and stared at Opie angrily.

“Jonas, I want you to close your eyes. You can open them when Fire says you can. Okay?” Opie stared into my eyes.

“Fine.” I closed my eyes and felt rather stupid.

“My dear, please follow me.” Opie’s rich voice filled my office.

“Will he be all right?”

“Just go now, lady, before I have to do something you won’t like very much.” Fire’s voice seemed angry.

I wanted to open my eyes, but Fire kept her hand on my arm.

“Not yet, Jonas. Wait a moment.” Fire’s voice was like a soft whisper in my ear.

I sat down, feeling frustrated and rather light headed. As I sat there, though, I felt like I had forgotten something. Later I realized what it was.

“It’s safe for you to open your eyes, Jonas.”

I opened my eyes to find Fire leaning over me, looking rather concerned.

“Um, didn’t I have a guest for Opie?”

“Did you?” Fire stood up and smiled down at me. She patted my head a moment. “Don’t worry about it, kiddo. I’m sure everything is fine as it is.”

I shrugged as Fire returned to her sword.

I picked up the first package on my desk. Inside, I found a huge pair of boots. I found the directions tucked inside.

To activate say the following spell to the boots -

Boots of mine

Shrink to fit

Be nice and clean

No mud or shit

Keep me upright

In no mud shall I sit

For you are my boots

And part of my kit.

I looked at the monstrous things figuring there was no way possible they would ever fit my feet. I slid out of my shoes and put on the boots. They came up over my knees and were like nine sizes too large. I shook my head in disbelief. I picked up the paper and said the spell. Suddenly the boots began to shrink until they fit me.

I stood up trying to figure out how I was going to test them when the door opened again. This time, it was a guy who came through the door. Truthfully, he was the most normal looking person to come through my door. He was close to my height, dark red hair, pale skin, and a leather strap that crisscrossed his chest with dozens of knives tucked into it. His pants were sort of loose, but considering how he was dressed, I really did expect him to have a tan.

“Do you know where I can find Openseter?”

I walked over to the desk and picked up the phone. I noticed how closely the guy watched my every move. “Hey Opie. New guy just came through the door for you.”

There was a click and I knew Opie was on his way. I sat down just as the guy walked over and reached for Fire.

“Excuse me, but she doesn’t like to be touched by strangers.” I pulled Fire to my side as her stone shone bright blue.

“Ah, I see you made it.” Opie stood in the doorway. The look he shot the guy made it clear that he wasn’t exactly happy.

“I seen a sword that-” the man began.

“As you well know, Montoro, the sword chooses who wields her.” Opie leaned against the door frame. “She has made her choice.”

“Him? But he’s no fighter!” Montoro stared from me to Fire and back again.

“She has made her choice. Now, come along. I have someone who is very interested in meeting you.”

Montoro headed toward the door. “But she is Firebreath. Why would she choose one such as him?”

Opie reached out and pulled Montoro out of my office. The last words I heard were from Opie as he nearly shouted, “Because she chose him. Enough already.”

Taking the slight pause, I raced to the back door I had slipped out of when I had my training with Miss White so I could try out the boots. I put a rock in the doorway and stomped into the grass and tried to slide as much as I could. The boots stayed tightly on my feet and nothing seemed to mark them or make them lose grip. I shrugged and rushed back to my office.

Still sitting on the desk were the directions. I flipped the paper off expecting another long poem to get the boots off. This time the directions were really simple.

Boots off!

And just like that they grew to their enormous size again and slipped off my feet.

The boots weren’t the most comfortable thing but they did what they were supposed to do. I slipped my shoes back on. I carefully slid the boots back into a box, marked them and slipped them into the drawer. I reached out for the next package which held a small ball shaped object with ten little hands seeming to reach out of it.

I read the little note tucked into the box.

The room cleaner may only be used once a day. When activated it will clean and repair anything within the room it is activated in. This includes cleaning the floors, walls, windows, cleaning and folding any laundry, cleaning a bed, repairing furniture, or any other task deemed necessary to make the room clean and functional. Once the room cleaner is activated, it will not stop until it is done. For most rooms. this means approximately an hour. If it is particularly dirty, it can take up to a day and a half. To start, simply say “Clean room!” The room cleaner will return to the spot it was started in when complete. It will need a full twenty four hours before it can be used again.

I couldn’t help but think my mother would have loved something like this as I looked at her picture. Now, I needed some place to test this out. The office itself was clean as can be. I knew Dan had talked about having to do a number of offices and he always left Miss White’s ‘til last. With a smile on my face, I walked down to her office. The door was unlocked so I opened it and set the room cleaner on the ground just inside the doorway. I looked back and made sure no one was around.

“Clean room!”

The little ball began to move across the room toward the counter. I would have loved to stay and watch to see what happened, but I didn’t know when the next guest would come through the door. I closed the door to White’s office and hurried back to mine.

The next hour was the busiest I’ve ever been at Krogers. People seemed to gush out of the door. They came one after another. I seemed to pick up the phone, and by the time Opie arrived, I had six or seven people for him. Then it immediately began again. The faces and creatures sort of began to run together. Tall, thin, thick, black, red, orange, nice, nasty, or something in between didn’t really make a difference. The couch, chairs, and floor were packed with people. I didn’t even notice as the last group followed Opie out that the room was finally empty again.

“Now that is what I call a rush,” said Fire as she appeared before the desk. She shook her long mane of hair and smiled at me. “Don’t you think you should go grab dinner?”

“Why? It can’t be ...,” I glanced at my watch and stopped speaking. It was already nine fifteen. “Wow! Didn’t realize it was so late. I better go find Chris and Dan. I wonder why they didn’t come get me.”

I wandered to the break room and found it empty. I then headed to the front of the store where I found Chris and Dan standing at the front door.

“Hey guys!”

“Jonas!” both men said at the same time.

“Too many people here for me to leave the door.” Chris shook his head. “The food arrived about forty five minutes ago and Opie paid for it.”

“I put the order in the fridge. Figured I would wait for you and Chris.”

“Yeah. I came looking for you two. Didn’t want to eat alone.”

Chris smiled. “Well, Openseter has seven people in there with him now. I tell you, I can’t believe the lookers who have come strolling through here tonight.”

“I caught a look at a few of them.” Dan bit his bottom lip for a moment. “Jonas, I’m surprised you can still talk. I would have been starstruck. They make most of the movie stars and models look plain.”

I shrugged. I never really got to say anything more because the door to the back opened and Opie led the whole troop of people to the front door.

“Remember you have the customary bland … I mean sixteen days from today to decide if this match works for both of you. Remember, we at Krogers hope to ensure your happiness.” Opie stood with a big smile on his face and pulled on the bottom of his jacket as he looked at the crowd before him.

There were a few snickers from those who had come through my office door, but mostly there were smiles. Chris opened the door and everyone seemed to split off to go to their vehicles.

“Okay, quick, while we have a break, let’s go eat.” Opie smiled at the three of us and started moving toward the back of the store again.

Chris nodded and relocked the front door. The three of us followed Opie to the break room. Dan passed out the heroes and the salads. We all grabbed drinks out of the soda machine. Our break was mostly spent in silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but I think everyone was lost in their own thoughts.

“Well, that has to be the quietest meal I’ve had in a while,” Opie stated, as he gathered up his trash.

“Sorry, Opie. Sort of lost, thinking about the amount of people we have had through here tonight.” I shook my head as I remembered some of the more memorable so far.

“You have found some really beautiful people, Sir.” Chris looked at Opie and smiled.

“Some of them have the personalities of a troll, but we shall see how they make out.” Opie walked over and dropped everything into the trash can. “Anyway, we only have another six people expected tonight. Hope you are all enjoying the overtime.”

“Yes, and thanks again for requesting me.” Dan blushed as he looked over at Opie.

“Thank Jonas. You’re his friends and I like keeping my business partner happy.”

Chris and Dan turned and looked at me. I could only blush at the attention.

“Jonas, as soon as you’re done, you should head back to your office. I’m honestly not sure when the next person will get here.”

“You’re the reason we get the overtime?” Dan sat open-mouthed, looking at me.

“Well, Opie felt I might be happier if I worked with friends.” I paused and looked at Dan and Chris before I spoke again. “You two are the only ones who bothered to get to know me. I am not going to argue if he wants us to work together.”

Neither Chris nor Dan said anything as I tossed my trash in the garbage and headed back to my office.

I remembered almost at the last moment about the room cleaner. It had been well over an hour as I headed over to Miss White’s office. Sitting on the floor was the strange little ball. I looked around the office and whistled. The walls glowed as if they had just been painted. The lighting fixtures had been cleaned and you couldn’t even tell where the hole in the wall had been. Everything looked brand new and shiny. I picked up the ball and nearly ran back to my office. No denying that the room cleaner worked and worked really well.

I sat down just as the door opened. It was my first short person. He stood all of maybe four foot tall, was rather thick, with dark wavy brown hair, and he wore no shoes, but had hairy feet.

“Ah, good morrow to you. I believe I am supposed to see a Mr. Openseter, if you don’t mind.”

“Please have a seat. I’ll call him directly. If you would like something to drink, there is water there in the jug and glasses are on the side.” I smiled at the very polite gentleman.

“I thank you. Would you happen to have any cakes about? I’m famished.”

Considering how tight his jacket was, I wasn’t too surprised to hear he was hungry.

“I wish I did, but Opie … I mean, Mr. Openseter felt with the various guests he had coming in, that it might be hard to find something to please everyone. Let me call him. He might have something in his office.”

I picked up the phone and dialed Opie.

“Hi Jonas. Don’t tell me another has come in so soon?”

“Yes, sir. A very nice gentleman is here for you. He … um… is requesting food if you have any.”

Laughter filled the phone line and was followed by a soft click.

I turned to find my guest sitting on the couch and nibbling on something he had pulled out of one of his pockets. “Mr. Openseter is on his way.”

“Good.” The little man popped the rest of what of he had been eating into his mouth and carefully climbed down from the couch. He had just turned around when Opie came through my open door.

“Barton, I’m so glad you decided to try this out.”

Barton smiled and walked slowly over to Opie. “Well everyone needs time out of the Shire now and then. Good to see you again.”

They shook hands and Opie led the way back to his office.

I had one more package left to open and figured there was no time like the present. Inside sat a rather strange looking hat. I removed and read the directions.

Place the hat on your head. If you would like to be ten degrees cooler move the band to the blue side. If you would like to be ten degrees warmer move the band to the red side.

There were no words to activate so I figured I would try it. I put on the hat and found a small band under the brim. The band slipped both right and left. The right side was blue and the left side of the band was red. I moved it to the right and a few seconds later felt the temperature in my office drop. I took off the hat and immediately it returned to normal. I turned the hat over and moved the band back to the middle. The hat worked, but I didn’t know why someone would want it.

I put the hat away, tucked the directions inside the package, and slipped it into my cabinet. I just leaned back in my chair when the next two came out of the doorway. At first I thought they were twins, but as I looked at them, I could tell they weren’t; hell, they weren’t even the same sex. Both had long silver white hair, pointed ears, perfect skin and a slight curve to their eyes that made them look exotic. Their clothes were nearly identical, except one had a longer coat, while the other had a small chest.

“Excuse me. My sister and I are looking for Mr. Openseter.”

“Yes, sir. Just let me call him.”

The two stood at perfect attention while I called Opie.

“Two more are here for you now.” I noted that neither moved while I spoke.

“I’ll be right there. “

I hung up the phone. “He is on his way. Can I get you something to drink?”

“No, that isn’t necessary.” The woman answered.

Before I could speak again, in walked another guest. She wore a nearly see through gown that seemed to move with the slightest breeze. Her long black hair matched her eyes, which seemed to have no pupils. Every step she took emphasized her femininity. She swayed over to my desk and looked down at me. “Mr. Openseter?”

“No, that would be me, Adeana.” Opie stood beside my desk and once again I hadn’t seen him enter the room. “If you would all follow me back to my office.”

The three moved as one and followed Opie out. It wasn’t till I lost sight of them that I was able to breathe again.

“Relax, Jonas. The night is nearly over.” Fire stood once more beside me. She leaned over and rested her hand on my shoulder. “I promise you no harm will come to you.”

“Thanks.”

I leaned back in my chair and got lost in my day dreams. I nearly had a heart attack when Dan called into the office.

“I don’t know what White’s problem is? Her office is so clean it shines. There isn’t even a hole in the wall. She has had three in the last week but I was just in there and it is literally in perfect condition.” Dan leaned against the doorframe and shook his head in disgust.

I laughed. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I had used one of the orders to clean her office.

“Anyway, I have everything done. How are things going for you?”

“Just waiting on the last two people.” I stopped and checked my watch, noticing that time had moved quickly while I was lost in my dreams. It was already after one.

“Well, we only have an hour to go. I’m going to check on Chris. Are you going to be okay?”

I looked at Dan and smiled. “Yup. As long as I don’t fall asleep, it should all be fine.”

Dan nodded and headed off to find Chris.

I was nervous. The night was nearly over, but I felt like any moment the door would open and whoever Opie had found for me would come marching through it and claim me. It wasn’t a comfortable thought.

It was ten minutes to two when the door opened again. This time, to say I had a tall guest would be an understatement. He stood at nearly seven feet tall, muscular, tan, with an odd type of almost skirt around his waist. However, even with his height and great body the huge snow white wings behind him took your full attention.

“Um… I’ll get Opie … right away … Sir.”

Okay so he made me nervous. It wasn’t like I was attracted. There was just something, I don’t know, dangerous about him.

I grabbed the phone and dialed Opie’s number. “Got another one for you,” I squeaked as my voice cracked. Yeah, real big man here. Pardon my terror.

The guy never said a word or made a move toward me. Opie arrived, bowed to him, and the guy just seemed to shrink enough to get through the doorway. I am not sure who or what he was, but I do know I never wanted him back in my office alone.

“Calm down, Jonas. He wasn’t here for you.” Fire stood once more at my desk. “I’ll admit, you are doing better than I thought you would.”

“I hope some of the other requests we have put in for don’t bring more of the same type of people.” I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself. “That last one left me feeling cold.”

Fire’s deep throaty laugh filled my office and she disappeared back into the sword.

I walked around cleaning up and rearranging the chairs which had been moved around as the office had filled up tonight. I was just heading back to my desk when the door opened again. A rather large woman came in and walked right over to me.

“Hello there. Are you Openseter?” Her voice was like gravel, but she smiled and put me at ease.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m Jonas, his assistant. I’ll call him and get him here for you.”

“Good. Been a long hard day of travel, and I want to see if this works out.”

I nodded and rushed to the phone. “Hi Opie. The last one just came in. She is waiting for you.”

“Okay Jonas. I’ll be right there.”

I turned to find her looking out the window, picking a wedgie, and then she burped louder than anyone I had ever heard. She turned and smiled at me just as Opie came in.

“Ah, Lady Brasston, so glad you could make it.”

“Was a long trip here. Afraid that last meal just didn’t sit right.”

She smiled as she let go the most awful smelling fart that I’ve ever had the misfortune to smell.

Opie turned a bit orange and quickly led her out of the office.

I had tears come to my eyes as I rushed out and went in search of Dan and some air freshener. Thank goodness I didn’t have to look far.

“Dan, please, for the love of God, tell me you have air freshener somewhere!”

Dan laughed. “Why? What happened?”

I shook my head. “You wouldn’t believe me.”

“Did you let go in front of that beautiful woman Openseter just took to his office?” Dan looked at me curiously.

“No, she just fumigated my office.”

“Her?” Dan laughed. “She is such a dainty thing.”

“Dainty, my ass.”

I followed Dan back to the supply room and took the spray can he offered.

I reentered my office and still wanted to gag. I sprayed that can until it was empty. I nearly passed out in my chair when it was over. I guess that is why I didn’t notice the last guy to come through the door. I nearly jumped out of my skin when he touched my arm.

“Hello, you must be Jonas.”

His voice was deep and sent a rumble right through my whole body. He had these crazy blue green eyes. I don’t mean they were a mix of blue and green, I mean the top half was blue like the sea and the bottom half was this intense emerald green. They were just fascinating to look into.

“Yes, I’m Jonas.”

Suddenly, I heard Fire’s voice. “Oh no! Is he out of his mind?”