The Strange Life of Jonas Marks - 12. Chapter 12

After the ring I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I nearly lost my breakfast when I opened the next package. I had arranged the smaller packages so that they sat on my desk. There was this really dirty canvas bag that was about the size of football. I figured it might as well be next so I opened it and nearly was knocked out of my seat by the stench coming from inside the bag.

“Oh, shit. What the hell is that?”

I lifted the bag and this thick ugly brown bowl slide out followed by this greasy sheet of paper. I looked into the bowl only to find this large greenish-orange blob sitting at the bottom. I accidently hit the side of the bowl and the blob popped like an obnoxious bubble, issuing this horrendous odor that made my eyes water and bile rise to my throat.

I grabbed the bag, used it pick up the bowl and rushed out of my office. I’ve never been so grateful that no one else was around as I nearly flew into the break room and tossed the bowl into the sink. I turned on the hot water, grabbed the soap from under the counter, and proceeded to fill the sink. I would have given my eyetooth for a brillo pad, but could only find a sponge in one of the cabinets. The water turned to a brown sludge quickly, just from having the bowl sit in the hot water. I ended up changing the water three times till I finally got that bowl clean and the smell to fade.

When I finally took the bowl out of the sink I found a beautiful white bowl with delicate images across it. It was really pretty to look at but I had no idea why anyone would ever let a bowl get that filthy. I carefully dried it with some paper towels and began to head back to my office.

“Hey, Jonas. What are you doing in the break room? I thought you’d be going through the stuff in your office.”

I turned to find Daniel standing there with a ladder in his hand.

“Yeah, well one of the items I got … well, let’s just say it needed to be cleaned really badly.”

Daniel shook his head. “I still say better you than I.” He chuckled and headed down the hallway while I returned to my office.

I picked up the paper to find it was instructions for the bowl.

“Lift bowl up and tell it what type of pudding you want. It will fill with that type three times. When done just lift up into air again and tell it new flavor.”

I shook my head wondering if the owner had ever heard of cleaning something between uses. I lifted the bowl into the air. “Chocolate pudding.”

When the bowl was set again on my desk it was filled to the brim with chocolate pudding. Well that was two products that worked.

I looked at the rest of pile and wondered if there were any more nasty surprises sitting there waiting to be opened.

The next three packages were labeled, ‘Openseter only!’ I placed them in a pile by the door.

I was sort of afraid to go through any more small packages. I spotted the long one that lay on the floor, and for some reason felt that had to be the next one opened. There was a very neat wooden box that was laced closed with a piece of velvet cord. I untied the cord and opened the box to find a sword with its scabbard. The handle was narrow with leather wrapped around it. The hilt had a large sapphire in it. I couldn’t help but want to see the sword itself, so I slowly slid it free of the scabbard.

“Wow, you really are a beauty.”

The sword was light, easy to maneuver, and in perfect condition. It was then I noticed the writing down the center of the sword. I had to squint to try and read it.

“Firebreath. Odd thing to put on a sword.”

“Well, other than naming the sword what would you put down the blade?”

I stopped cold and looked around me. The voice had been soft and feminine, but there was no one else there but me.

“Honey, look, I realize you might not be used to dealing with the stranger things in life, but really, you don’t need to hold me with a death grip.”

I looked down at my hand and realized I was clutching the sword so tightly that my fingers hurt and my knuckles were turning white. Then it hit me that there was no one else there, and I dropped the sword. It slipped from my grip and cut through the corner of my desk, slicing it as easily as Mrs. Meyers might cut through a piece of cheese.

“Oh dear. This will never do. Come on. Pick me up. I really hate cutting through things on accident.”

I stood there with my mouth open unable to speak.

“Take a deep breath. Come on honey, breathe.”

I took a deep breath and stared at the sword. “You can talk?”

“Hm. You didn’t seem this slow when I checked you out.”

“Checked …checked me out?”

The sword stayed quiet. I carefully made my way to the phone and dialed Opie.

“Jonas? Is something wrong?”

“Yes. The damn sword can talk.” I felt my hands shake as I stared at the sword, trying to make my boss understand what was going on. “I mean it can really talk.”

“Oh. Is that all?” The amusement in his voice was obvious to me. “I’ll be there in a moment.”

I heard the dial tone and stared at the phone for a moment. Is that all? Wasn’t that enough? I numbly hung up the phone and backed away from the desk.

“Jonas, are you all right?” Opie stood on the other side of the desk as I looked up.

“Oh, so you are here.” The sword seemed somehow pleased.

“It can talk. I know they asked for a talking sword, but it can really talk.”

Opie walked over and lifted the sword up. The edge of the desk and a part of the leg fell away as Opie placed his hand over the name on the sword.

“Oh, now I understand. Only one problem for you, Sir. I have chosen the boy there. I like him.” The voice of the sword got more sultry as it spoke.

“You do know?” Opie eyed the sword, his eyebrow raised.

“I know. I sampled him and I like him.”

“What does she mean she sampled me?”

Opie shook his head. “I was afraid of this.”

“Afraid of what? What does the sword mean it sampled me?”

“When you held Firebreath, she got to know you. She decides who will own her, not the other way around.” Opie looked at the sword and smiled. “So, she has decided she likes you. Guess we will have to find another sword for the customer.”

I felt like I had fallen out of bed and hit my head. This just couldn’t be happening. “What am I supposed to do with a sword? I mean it isn’t like I have sword fights or anything.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Honey. I can do a lot more than just fight.”

“My name is Jonas,” I snapped before I realized I was talking to a sword. When had my life become so weird?

“Okay, Jonas. Just call me Fire.”

Opie smiled like the dragon who found the treasure trove. “Try not to drop the sword again. I’m not sure that Kroger’s will want to keep replacing your desk. Luckily, you just shaved the edge off this time, but next time you could cut the desk in half.” His toothy smile showed his obvious amusement at my predicament.

“Thanks.” I rolled my eyes and shoved my hands into my pockets to keep him from seeing how this had freaked me out so badly.

Opie laughed out loud as he set Firebreath on my desk. Then he started for the door.

“The piles by the door are the ones marked for you so far.”

“Got them.” Opie stopped and scooped up the packages. He turned and looked at me again, a smile still on his face. “Don’t forget to grab lunch soon.”

“I’ll make sure he eats.” Fire’s voice was definitely becoming more like Jessica Rabbit, sort of deep and husky, but still very feminine.

I turned to look at my desk and the sword. “I can feed myself.”

“I know you can.”

Don’t ask me why, but I could almost picture a woman winking at me as I looked at the sword.

“Great. Just what I need. Who would have thought talking swords and magic rings would be part of a normal day?” I felt like a little kid who had just gotten into trouble, but didn’t know what for. I shook my head as I looked at the sword again. “I must be losing my mind.”

“Actually, dear, you’re doing pretty well. Now didn’t he tell you to take a lunch?”

“Ugh.” It was like having a watch dog stand over me. Fire seemed to remind me of both my mother and Mrs. Meyers, but a bit more hands-on than either of them had ever been. That was weird in itself, I mean the sword didn’t even have any hands.

“Relax, Jonas. You worry too much about everything. Life has a way of working things out.”

I felt like a headache was coming on. I set my arms before me on the desk and rested my head on them for a moment. Unfortunately, there was a knock on the door.

“Hey, buddy. Dan and I are going out for lunch. Wanna join us?” Chris stood in the doorway and stared at the sword. “Did you get hurt using that thing?”

“No. But I’m having other issues with it.” I eyed Fire waiting for her to speak, but for a change she was unresponsive.

“All right.” Chris looked from me to the sword but didn’t comment any further on it. “So did you want to join us?”

“Sure. Um, I just have to stop by Opie’s office. I’m sort of broke and he is paying me back for breakfast.”

“No problem. We’ll meet you by the front door. See you in a few minutes.”

“Okay. Just let me clean up here and I’ll go see Opie.”

I watched Chris disappear from my doorway and stood up. Carefully, I lifted Fire and put her in the scabbard and left her on my desk. I made sure there was no other mess around and then walked toward the office door.

As I left my office, I clearly heard her. “Enjoy your lunch Jonas. See you when you get back.”

I shook my head and started down the hall to Opie’s office. I was just outside the door when he called.

“Come in, Jonas. The money is on the desk.”

I entered to find him with someone sitting in his office. I didn’t want to interrupt his conversation, so I darted in and picked up the envelope that had my name on it from his desk. I just barely caught a glance of the attractive woman sitting there across from my boss. I waved and closed the door behind me and headed out to join the guys for lunch.

“Hey, you made it.” Dan stood at the door waiting for me.

“Yeah,” I nodded as I hurried across the floor, “just had to grab the money.”

“No worries. We were just waiting for you.” Chris stood holding his keys to the door.

We headed outside and I took a deep breath of fresh air. I hadn’t noticed how I’d been almost holding my breath till then.

“Let’s go for pizza.” Dan stood rubbing his stomach.

“I was thinking a burger.” Chris turned and looked at me.

“With all the crap I’ve been eating lately I should just grab a salad. If I keep eating all this junk food, I am not going to fit into the clothes I bought for work. I need to build my bank account up, not keep buying clothes.”

Dan and Chris laughed.

“Alright, how about we go to the Deli Slice over on Winston Avenue? They make burgers, sandwiches, and salads. Good with you, Dan?”

“Yeah. I can grab their Italian combo sub. Works for me.”

“Good.” Chris smiled and waved us toward his car. “You guys can go with me. Saves time and that way we all get back together.”

So the three of us headed off to the Deli Slice for lunch.