Demon and the Fox - 2. A Father's Tears

Malachy kept looking at the text. ‘Coffee, 2 pm still works for you?’ And he had replied yes, of course. The text was from Gabriel. Malachy was seated at the coffee shop where they were supposed to meet, and Gabriel wasn’t here yet. He checked his phone. 2:14. Last night he had made Sasha wait at the restaurant. Today Gabriel was making him wait.

At first, after hanging out in the 21^st century for a bit, Malachy had wondered why people were so addicted to looking at their phones all the time. It wasn’t like that in the 1990’s. Now he got it. It was just, well, addictive. You just had to know the time, all the time. Even if it had just been a minute since you last checked. 2:15. See? And you had to check if your girlfriend had texted you; you didn’t want to wait too long before replying to those. And you had to re-read texts and try to find hidden meanings. Was the person in a good mood when they sent the text? Was it an enthusiastic ‘Coffee, 2 pm still works for you?’ or a reluctant—

Gabriel walked in. The coffee shop was crowded. It was a Starbucks, so obviously it was crowded. Malachy had been lucky enough to get seats at a tiny table in the back. Next to the bathroom, but you couldn’t have everything. Gabriel had said this location was convenient for him because it was right next to his work place on Madison Avenue.

He was tall and handsome with short black hair and a nice slim black suit with a blue tie. He looked so much like his mother, Jade. Moreover, he looked so much like the five year old boy Malachy remembered and yet completely different. All grown up. All professional and good-looking and perfect. He even wore stylish black rimmed glasses.

Malachy couldn’t take his eyes off him. It was so good to see him. He had missed him so much. After Gabriel shouldered his way past the line-up of people in front of the cash register, he found his way to Malachy’s table. He smiled and put down his black leather briefcase as he sat. He even had a briefcase.

“Hey Nick, it’s good to see you.”

Right. He was Nick. He was in Nick’s body, and all that. Sometimes he forgot.

It was frustrating, really. There were so many things he wanted to ask. So many things he wanted to say. But he couldn’t.

So instead he just said, “It’s good to see you too.”

He was so emotional he almost forgot to do the American accent.

“Is everything okay?” Gabriel asked. He checked his watch and frowned. “I’m sorry I’m late.” He checked his watch and not his phone for the time! He was so adorable. “My boss was being annoying.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Don’t you want anything to drink?” Malachy looked down at his own empty cup of coffee. “I could have another one of these.”

“You should be careful with that.” Gabriel arched an eyebrow. “You’ll get yourself a caffeine addiction like Sasha. I keep telling him to stop but he still drinks the stuff all the time. He just hides from me now.”

“Ah, it’s easy to get addicted to things, sometimes.”

Gabriel shrugged one shoulder. “You just have to be careful. For me, no caffeine after 1 pm. Not even tea.”

“Wow.” Malachy nodded. “You’re disciplined. I’m impressed.”

The coffee shop was noisy, what with the baristas making them lattes for caffeine-starved New Yorkers. Pop music blasted through the speakers: some singer saying something about a girl having quite a nice ‘bootie’. But Malachy didn’t really hear any of those things. He just heard Gabriel’s voice. That was the only thing he wanted to listen to right now.

“Anyway, I didn’t come here for coffee. I came here to see you, and to talk to you. There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time. Well, many things actually.”

“I’m listening.” And he really was. Very intently so.

Sure, Gabriel thought he was speaking to Nicholas right now. And it was probably wrong to pretend to be Gabriel’s brother and listen to what he had to say. But Malachy didn’t care. He leaned his arms onto the table, wrapping his hands around his empty coffee cup. Just because he didn’t know what else to do with his hands.

Gabriel replaced his glasses, and then massaged his temple.

He let out a sigh. “I don’t know where to start. This isn’t easy for me to talk about.”

Malachy waited. He wasn’t good with waiting. His feet—clad in brand new designer sneakers—tapped the floor nervously.

Gabriel looked up. His dark brown eyes, slightly slanted, reminded Malachy so much of Jade. And also the way he concentrated before saying something. The way he sat elegantly, with his back straight.

It made him miss Jade even more. He wished he could see her again. But it was good to see Gabriel. After eighteen years. Eighteen long years. Traumatizing years, too. As if to reinforce his inner musings, someone at the table next to them picked up a fork quite enthusiastically, and surely they were simply excited about eating their cake, but Malachy glimpsed a sliver of metal from the corner of his eye and it made him jump out of his skin.

An image flashed in his head, of a hooded man picking up a knife and leaning toward him. Long white hair spilled from his black hood on one side. He smiled his mad smile and—

“Nick? Are you okay?”

“Yes! Yes, I’m sorry.” He sat up straight, clearing his throat. Don’t forget the American accent. “I’m sorry. I’m listening.”

“Nick, I… I actually wanted to tell you about our parents.”

Malachy’s eyes opened wide.

“About our mother,” Gabriel said, then hesitated. “And our father. Not Ethan… Well, not really. I mostly wanted to tell you about Malachy. The whole story. The truth. I… This is really difficult for me, but… I thought you deserved to know the truth.”

Gabriel glanced around, like he wanted to avoid Malachy’s gaze.

Understandable; Malachy realized he was staring. He blinked a couple of times and raked a hand through his hair. Annoying long hair always falling in his eyes. Malachy had no idea how Nick tolerated it.

“I’m listening.” He kept saying that. He didn’t know what else to say.

Gabriel nodded quietly, as if trying to muster up some courage. Then he crossed his legs awkwardly; Gabriel’s long legs barely fit under the table. But he managed.

“Our mother… Jade actually really loved Malachy. And so did I.” Gabriel joined his hands on the table, clasping them together tightly. “Sure, we thought his name was Ethan Russell. That was his name. I’m sure he got used to it after a while.”

Not really, Malachy thought. He’d never liked that name.

“To be honest,” Gabriel said, “I don’t even remember the real Ethan. From what I know now, Malachy possessed him after the car accident. That happened when I had just turned two years old. I mean, how could I remember?” Gabriel started talking in a rush. As much as he had hesitated before, he was unstoppable now. “I remember when I was four, and when I was five. And what I remember is… our parents were happy. They loved each other. Ethan—Malachy—was actually a good dad. He made time for me, always. He taught me so much stuff. How to write, how to read, and sports, and even piano, and drawing, and whatever I wanted. He never got angry at me. And he was a good husband to Jade. I was just five years old but I remember. I swear I remember.”

Malachy swallowed hard. He had leaned his arms closer to Gabriel across the table without realizing it. He pulled back now, giving him his space. It was a lot to take in. Gabriel telling him all this. It was almost too much. He felt tears tickling his eyes.

And Gabriel wasn’t done. “He was good to her, Nick. And she was happy. We all were. And she got pregnant with you, and he took care of her. We had a good thing going. Not perfect, surely, but better than a lot of families I know.” Gabriel shook his head. “I never told this to anyone. I couldn’t. I mean, Lilya and Stephen killed Malachy and then they took me in. They thought they were doing the right thing. But even as a five year old, they could never convince me that Malachy was evil, and that killing him was the right thing. It was too late though. And what could I have done?”

Malachy swallowed back his tears but it was getting difficult. The coffee shop truly stopped existing, along with everybody in it. There was only Gabriel. His low, intense voice.

“I think Jade knew, you know? I think she knew somehow. He wasn’t the same guy she’d married. But she wouldn’t admit it to herself, probably. She didn’t want to ruin everything. And when her new friend Lilya came over and was introduced to Ethan she knew something was up right away. Probably because she was a fox spirit, and a witch, and sometimes they can detect those sorts of things? I don’t know. But after that Lilya wouldn’t let up. Until she convinced Jade that banishing the demon was the right thing to do, no matter the consequences. But…” Gabriel removed his glasses, folded them carefully, and placed them on the table. “I never thought of him as a demon, you know? I always thought of him as my father. Even though it was just for four years… And I could never tell all this to Sasha…”

Malachy took Gabriel’s hand. He couldn’t help it. He needed to. He squeezed his hand comfortingly. Gabriel’s eyes were glistening.

“It’s okay. You can tell me.”

“I’m sorry. This must be difficult for you to hear.”

“I want to know.”

Gabriel nodded. “Well, I suppose Sasha already told you what happened next. How Lilya and Stephen killed Malachy. Or banished him, anyway. Whatever they did, it worked. But Jade died during childbirth a few days later, so we were left without any parents. Lilya and Stephen took us in. But you were dying. You had… powers. You were just a baby, so you couldn’t handle it. I knew you were going to die. I convinced Lilya to transfer the powers to me. To save you. It took forever to convince her but I guess I was a stubborn little brat because she agreed to it in the end. She did it. The same thing Sasha did when he gave you back your powers. We couldn’t grow up together. Lilya was worried you would always seek your powers. You wouldn’t get a normal childhood. That’s why you went to foster care. Looking back now, if I could do things differently… Well, I suppose Sasha already told you all this. But there are things Sasha couldn’t have told you. Because he doesn’t know. And I need you to…” Gabriel’s voice faltered, but then he cleared his throat and sat up straight. “I need you to promise me that you’ll never tell him.”

“I promise,” Malachy said without hesitation. He squeezed Gabriel’s hand again.

“It’s about… it’s about the day Lilya and Stephen died. I was getting sick, and I didn’t want to involve you. So they tried to draw out the demon so that they could banish him again. They thought that would be the last of him. That would free me. But that backfired. Sasha told you that too, right? He probably told you that Malachy possessed me and killed them. And he hates Malachy so much because of that.”

“I never—” He started to say, then cut himself. I never killed Sasha’s parents. But he couldn’t say it.

“What?” Gabriel tilted his head, confused.

“Nothing, keep going, please. I’m sorry.” He wiped under his eyes and put both hands on top of Gabriel’s hand.

“He didn’t possess me. I just… I blacked out. They drew out the powers but it was too much. I went crazy I guess. I wasn’t myself. I know it doesn’t excuse anything.” Gabriel was crying now, quietly. He constantly had to clear his throat, probably to try and keep control of his voice. He shook his head like he didn’t want to believe the words he was saying. “I killed them, Nick. And the worst thing was… I could actually remember doing it, after. I know I said I blacked out but… it wasn’t a complete blackout. It’s really blurry, and it doesn’t make sense, but I remember doing it. I can’t tell you what happened. I can’t explain it… They performed dark magic to draw out the powers and it all went wrong, I don’t know. I don’t know.” He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep, shaky breath. “It was too much for me I guess, I couldn’t handle it, I couldn’t control it, I—”

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” Malachy didn’t know what else to say.

“I might not know what happened, not really.” He said, voice low but determined. “But I swear to you, I do know this: It wasn’t Malachy. He didn’t do it. He didn’t possess me, he didn’t kill them. He wouldn’t have done that. He wouldn’t have done that to me. And I hate myself for not telling Sasha. For letting him hate Malachy instead of hating me. But I’m all he’s got… I can’t…”

Malachy swallowed hard. He leaned forward, took Gabriel by the shoulder.

“Come on, let’s go outside.”

Gabriel nodded and grabbed his briefcase.

“Don’t forget your glasses,” Malachy said.

Gabriel grabbed those too. And followed him outside. They could both use the fresh air. As soon as they reached the sidewalk, Malachy pulled Gabriel into a tight hug. He just held him in his arms, and he didn’t care if people walking on the sidewalk were annoyed. Whatever. To Hell with them. They could be annoyed for all he cared. They could make the effort of walking around them. Right now he just wanted to hold Gabriel tight and comfort him. Malachy glanced up at the sky; a beautiful, vast blue expanse with barely any clouds. Then he closed his eyes for a moment as he held the young man he had once called his son. It was funny, he remembered the five year old boy. And now, holding him with Nick’s body, Gabriel was taller than him.

“This must have been hard for you to hear,” Gabriel said when they pulled away from each other.

“Actually,” Malachy said, “it looks like it was harder for you to tell. But I’m really, really glad you did.”

“You are?” Gabriel looked drained, but there was hope in his voice. And surely he would feel better soon. Talking about it usually helped. You didn’t have to be a 683 year old demon to know that.

“Yes, of course. It’s good to know the truth. And I’ll hold on to my promise not to tell Sasha. You tell him when you’re ready, okay? Whenever that is. And you should know it wasn’t your fault. It was never your fault. None of it.”

“So you don’t hate me?”

“Of course not.” He felt a lump in his throat.

I’m surprised you don’t hate me.

Malachy just wanted to hug him again. But he held back. Instead he spotted a cab.

“I should get you home,” he said at once.

“No I have to get back to work.”

“Are you sure? Are you going to be all right?”

“I think so. Besides, my clients don’t care if I’m all right or not.” He clutched his briefcase tightly, and smiled somewhat timidly. “I really need to go back. I’m sorry if this was weird, or…”

“Not at all. You can talk to me anytime you want. I need you to know that.”

“And you can talk to me, too. Sasha looked really upset when he came home last night. Did you two have a fight?”

“Um, it’s a long story. I don’t want you to be late for work.”

“We’ll talk another time,” Gabriel said. “We can go for a proper meal, instead of coffee—or no coffee.”

People were really starting to bump into them on the sidewalk.

“I’d like that,” Malachy said quietly. And then he watched Gabriel as he walked away and disappeared in the bustling stream of tourists and Manhattanites.
He didn’t mean it, though. He didn’t think he could see Gabriel again without blowing his cover. Pretending to be Nick was harder than he’d thought.

…

Everything Gabriel had said didn’t really hit home until after Malachy got back to his apartment in Hell’s Kitchen—well, Nick’s apartment. He slammed the door shut and leaned on it. His legs were shaky. Gabriel’s words kept replaying in his head like a broken record.

Our parents were happy. They loved each other.

Malachy was actually a good dad.

He was a good husband to Jade. She was happy.

Gabriel didn’t hate him. And Malachy so wished he could’ve been there for him more. He wished he could’ve been a father to Gabriel for a little while longer. He wished the powers Nick had inherited from him hadn’t caused so much suffering. Come on, how was he supposed to know that would happen?

But wishing things could’ve been different didn’t do much good, did it?

Malachy crawled his way to the bathroom, old wooden floors creaking underfoot. He held onto the sink and looked in the mirror. Pale brown eyes stared back at him. So unlike his own. Malachy sighed and took off his shirt, tossing it on the floor. Nick’s tattoo was itching.

It was pretty, at least. Very nicely done, nicely detailed. A fox tribal across the left side of his chest. It was almost completely healed, but still peeling a bit. Malachy couldn’t help but laugh whenever he looked at it.

“My, my, Nick,” he whispered to himself, “you must really love him.”

Sasha’s face popped into his head; sharp angles, almond-shaped eyes, framed by messy shoulder-length hair.

Just like Shay.

Malachy turned away from the mirror, squeezing his eyes shut, his hands holding the sink counter behind him. It was too painful to think about Shay.

But it was difficult not to. Sasha looked so much like Shay. Today, with Gabriel, it had been intense. Yesterday, with Sasha, it had been troubling…

He hadn’t seen Shay in such a long time. The last time they had seen each other, it must have been around 1490 or something like that. Crazy how time had flied.

Seeing Sasha, it had brought back some very old memories. Malachy clutched the sink so tightly that he feared he would break it. Dread curdled in the pit of his stomach and a frozen fist clenched at his heart. Too painful.

Because Shay was in Purgatory right now.

And so was, Malachy thought, Nicholas.