Knots 5

Chapter 4

Matt

Megan put her hand inside my elbow as we walked in to get our tickets. She looked up at me like she was in love. It made me feel uncomfortable. We got a big box of popcorn and a Coke. Our hands kept meeting in the popcorn box until it was almost empty. She grabbed my hand, pulled it out of the box, and held it. I held on and didn’t let go.

Halfway through the movie I let go of her hand and put my right arm around her shoulder. She moved in closer to me and leaned her head against my chest. It felt nice having her close like that. Her hair smelled like fresh mountain air. I kissed the top of her head and then lifted her chin with my other hand so I could kiss her gently on the lips. They were soft. She smelled as if she’d just put on a light touch of perfume, and suddenly I realized how little I knew about girls and how much different they were from guys. Don’t get me wrong, I obviously knew they were different, but for two years I had only been physically close to guys and didn’t have any sense of what it was like to be physically close to a girl. This was a new sensation. She felt small. Andy and Thomas aren’t big, but by comparison, she was small.

I continued to gently kiss her on the lips and managed to avoid slipping my tongue into her mouth. I wanted to go slow, but I also wanted her to know I was interested.

She said, “I like the way you kiss. Your kisses are gentle and sweet.”

“Thanks,” I said before she ruined it all.

“How does it compare to Andy or Thomas?”

I don’t know why that pissed me off so much. She had a right to ask. She knew about our threesomes and foursomes. “What the fuck’s the matter with you? Can’t you just let things be?”

She didn’t miss a beat. “I just wondered. I like the way you kiss, and you haven’t even tried to put your tongue in my mouth.” She paused. Then asked again, “How do I compare to Andy or Thomas?”

I pulled my arm from around her shoulders and turned to her. “Look. I’m going out with you, not them. Leave them out of this. Why do you care?”

“I’ve never dated a guy who has had sex with other guys. I can’t help but wonder.”

“How would you feel if I told you they kiss better than you?”

She poked me in the ribs. “I’d try harder.”

That made me smile. “I’m impressed. Coach Gilbert would love your attitude.”

“So does that mean you’re through kissing me?”

The people in front of us turned around. “If you want to talk, please go outside.”

I put my arm back around her, and this time I kissed her and slipped my tongue into her mouth. Her tongue attacked mine, and before I knew it, I was hard. I was going to grab her hand and put it on my dick. I would have if it was a guy, but I was actually afraid to do it with Megan.

Finally, I pulled away to catch my breath. I whispered, “You kiss pretty well yourself.”

“Thanks.” I guess her curiosity got the best of her because she put her hand on my crotch and asked, “What’s this? I guess I don’t have to wonder about Thomas or Andy.”

“It’s not what you think.”

“What is it then?”

I didn’t answer at first and then tried for some humor, bad humor. “A friend.”

“Nice friend,” she said as she took her hand away.

I surprised myself. “Would you like to see it?”

“Here?”

“No.”

Then she said, “I was just curious.”

“Oh.”

She punched me in the thigh. “Let’s watch the movie.”

“You’re just a tease,” I said.

“Yeah, I am. Now watch the movie.”

We watched the movie and my friend left.

*****

She was bright and cheerful as we drove to Sam’s Pizza. “Great movie, huh?”

“Yeah, great movie.”

We made small talk, and then the car went silent before I finally asked, “Do you want to go out next Saturday?”

She paused, put her index finger on her lips, and looked up as if she was thinking. ”Well, maybe. What do you have in mind?”

I wasn’t sure how bold I should be, but I gave it a shot. “I thought maybe we could go somewhere and play with my friend. He gets lonely sometimes.”

“I told you I’m not that kind of girl.”

We pulled into the parking lot, I parked, turned off the engine, and turned toward her. “What kind of girl are you?” This was new ground for me, but I was giving it my best shot. My heart was pounding and I felt short of breath.

“What kind of girl do you think I am?”

“You can’t answer a question with a question. I asked first.”

“I’m a good time girl.”

“You need to give me more than that. What do you mean by good time girl?”

“What do you think I mean?”

The damn girl was frustrating. “You’re answering a question with a question again.”

Then to make matters worse, she said, “Let’s go inside and get some pizza.”

“But you didn’t answer my question.”

She shrugged. “I’m not telling you. You’ll have to find out for yourself.”

I frowned. “And how am I going to do that?”

She gave me a light punch in the shoulder. “You’re smart. You’ll figure it out.”

“Hold on. Are you going to go out with me next Saturday or not?”

“Of course. Bring your friend.”

I smiled. “What if he doesn’t want to come?”

“Then, leave him at home. He might get bored anyway.”

Damn, that girl was exasperating. “I might just do that.”

*****

We were just sitting down when Colt and Zoe came in. Megan got all excited and waved them over. “Can you believe they’re here too?”

Shit, I thought. Colt must have given Thomas his answer.

They came over and sat down. “What a surprise seeing you two here,” I said. I should have stopped there, but I couldn’t keep my big mouth shut. “Where’s Thomas?”

Colt tried to act cool. “At home. We’re going to start dating other people. Well, at least I am.”

Megan gave Zoe a look that said, congratulations.

Colt made my mouth water. I felt sorry for Thomas. I found myself thinking, Thomas and Colt are free, and I could have sex with either of them if they were willing. I’m sure Colt would be. He didn’t seem to be any more into Zoe than I was Megan, at least at the moment. We were both just experimenting with girls, so to speak. My thought bothered me. Talk about all fucked up.

Colt glanced at me in a curious way a couple of times. Made me wonder if he had the same thing in mind as I did. Megan must have noticed because she kicked me under the table and whispered, “Don’t forget I’m anxious to meet your friend.”

Damn. Why couldn’t life be easy? Of course, I was thinking Colt was probably anxious to meet my friend too. Now that he was on the market, it got me thinking about his friend and his slim hard body next to mine. He’d come a long way since the beginning of basketball season.

We had pizza and made small talk for an hour or so. It was Sunday, and we had school the next day, so we all headed home around eight. Megan was quiet on the ride home. Bucket seats aren’t conducive to romance, but she did lean over and kiss me on the cheek once. I kept visualizing her leaning across the console, taking my cock out, and sucking it, but it never happened.

Andy

It was a boring Sunday. The only thing to come out of it was that I’d be seeing Dr. Walker again. Just the thought of it took me out of my depression. I went back in to watch TV with my dad. “Glad to see you back,” he said.

“I like just sitting here with you, Dad, doing guy stuff.”

“Having someone to watch baseball with me is sure better than watching it alone.”

“I was just talking to Mom, and she thinks I should see Dr. Walker again. What do you think?”

He gave me an odd look. “Your mother suggested it?”

“Yeah.”

He turned the volume of the TV down. “Just out of the blue?”

“Well, no. I’m kinda at loose ends.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head. “Mom asked the same thing, but it’s kinda personal, and I’d rather talk to Dr. Walker.”

He gave me a disappointed look. “Don’t you feel you can talk to me? It’s not like we don’t know what’s been going on in your life.”

“True. But Dr. Walker’s trained to do what he does. You and Mom aren’t.”

“Does it have anything to do with Matt?”

“Yes and no.”

“What’s Matt been up to? He hasn’t been around as often as he used to. Your door hasn’t been locked either.”

I put my legs up on the recliner. “You think you’re funny, don’t you? Well, that’s part of the problem.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Matt’s decided to go out with this girl, Megan.”

Dad scratched his chin. “Ah, I see. Are you jealous?”

“That’s what I’m going to talk to Dr. Walker about.”

“About being jealous?” he asked.

“Dad, see this is why I don’t want to talk to you and Mom. It’s about a lot of things.”

He smiled. “Doesn’t Dr. Walker ask you questions like that?”

“Yeah, but you’re my dad.” I grabbed the remote and turned the volume up. “Let’s watch the game.”

Thomas

Thomas couldn’t sleep, so he just laid there under the covers until he began to sweat. He eventually threw the covers off, sat on the edge of the bed, and began to cry. I’ve lost him. He won’t be back, and who knows who he’ll fuck around with. It sounds like he wants more than Zoe.

He had no idea why, but he called Randy. He wasn’t home, but he was so desperate to talk to somebody, he called Andy because he didn’t know who else to call. He didn’t want to talk to his parents.

Andy saw Thomas’ name on his cell. “Dad, I have a call. I’ll be back when I’m done.”

His waved him off.

“So what’s up, Thomas? I heard this was the day of reckoning.”

“It was. Colt is gone. I don’t know what to do. I talked to Matt, but he thought I should just let him go.”

Andy could hear sniffles at the other end. “So why’d you call me?”

“I thought you’d understand. Matt’s out with Megan, and you and I are home alone.”

I shook my head. “You’re so fucking right. Home alone. Sad, isn’t it?” Andy paused. “So what’s Colt going to do?”

“He says he wants to fly. He wants to be free as a bird and date whomever he wants, but he still wants us to be boyfriends.”

“That’s kinda shitty. You didn’t agree, did you?”

“No.”

“Is he going to date guys too?”

There was a pause. “It started with Zoe, but I think he wants more. He wants to experience the things we had, like threesomes and foursomes.”

“Maybe we should help him.”

“Be serious. This isn’t funny.”

“I am being serious. In fact, why don’t you come over right now? Fuck him.”

“I figured it was a waste of time to call you, and now I know it,” Thomas said. “I was hoping we could talk. Matt and Colt don’t want to be tied down, but you and I do.”

“I agree with you, Thomas. So why don’t we get together? I’d be glad to be your boyfriend. I have already flown and landed. I’d like to be with someone special, who cares for me and wants me.”

A long pause. “Andy, you and I have nothing in common except having been with Dillon and been through that fucking court trial. It wouldn’t work.”

“We could try.”

“We could. But I’m not ready or willing to do that. I’m going to wait and see what Colt does. I do see your point though. You and I want a serious relationship. But I just don’t think it would work.”

“All I know is that Matt is out with Megan, and Colt is probably out with Zoe, and we’re sitting around playing with ourselves.”

I heard a low laugh. “You are special, Andy. You see the humor in life.”

“It only seems that way, Thomas. It’s my way of covering up my pain. I sat around the house all day today and didn’t know what to do with myself. It was good to get your call. After all, like they say, ‘misery loves company’ and we’re both miserable. A little sex might take care of that.”

“You’re probably right, but it would only be a temporary fix and probably cause a lot of other problems. I may take you up on your offer someday, but not today.”

Andy was surprised. “Really?”

“Don’t get your hopes up. Matt and I have a lot more in common than you and me, and if Matt was ever in the market for a boyfriend, I’d be there for him.”

“You can’t have him. If he’s going to be anyone’s boyfriend, he’s going to be mine. Got it? Keep your hands off my boy.”

“Just joking, Andy. It wouldn’t be right. The thing is, you guy are best friends, and you don’t really need to be boyfriends. You’re always together and really like each other. That’s more than I have with Colt.”

“You’re right there, but Matt doesn’t want to fuck around anymore while he’s on this ‘I might be bisexual’ kick.”

“Give him credit for having some integrity. Colt wants it all. He want to have sex with me and with anyone else he chooses. But I refuse to have sex with him until he knows what he wants.”

Andy couldn’t help himself. “Then we should have sex. No one has to know.”

“I’ll know.”

“Okay, be that way. But I’ll be here ready, willing, and able if you change your mind. I’m sorry to hear about Colt.”

“Thanks, Andy. If nothing else, you made me feel desirable and wanted. I needed that. Talk to you later.”

“Laters, Thomas.”

Andy

Thomas called me and sounded as miserable as me. I tried to get him to come over and have sex, even though I figured there was no way he’d do it. Can’t blame a guy for trying. I hate to admit it, but I was kind of happy he and Colt broke up because I figured Colt was fair game. Matt couldn’t get angry with me and neither could Thomas. Colt and I probably had more in common anyway. Only problem was, he wasn’t any more likely to want to settle down than Matt. But he’d make a great fuck, and it sounded like he was looking for one. I was already visualizing a foursome with Ashton and Scott. I figured he’d be game for that if I approached him the right way.

But I had to take things one day at a time, so I decided to talk to Dr. Walker before I made any big decisions that might further screw up my life.

___________________________________________________

Chapter Quotes

Gay teenagers are four times as likely to attempt suicide as straight ones. I wish they knew that there's nothing wrong with them; that they are just a different shade of normal. Jodi Picoult

Teenagers today are more free to be themselves and to accept themselves. - John Knowles

The media tends to portray the teenage world as one where drinking and sex is taken for granted. In fact, I think most teenagers don't drink, are unsure of themselves, and feel awkward around members of the opposite sex. - Louis Sachar