There Once Was A Boy - 1. Story

There Once Was a Boy

by Tiffani Chin

“Watch where you’re walking!”

Shove.

“Go around us. We don’t want your germs on us!”

Push.

Eli watched as his friends knocked around the slim underclassman that unfortunately happened to cross their paths in the school courtyard as all the students made a mad dash for the bus.

“Are you deaf or something?” Ray asked, yanking on the guy’s shirt, pulling him to his feet. “What are you still doing here? Move! Get out of our breathing space!” He roughly elbowed the guy, causing him to bowl over in pain.

As the guy fell to the ground in pain, his eyes darted around desperately, finally locking on Eli’s. His big eyes pleaded with Eli, begging for help. They glistened in the bright afternoon sun.

Ray laughed, causing the rest of his group to join in, like the monkeys that they were. This was high school; it was all about follow the leader. Eli thought it was kind of pathetic and he was glad he was a senior because he was ready for a whole new crowd and a whole new scene. No more of this social bullshit. But that didn’t make him want to make waves either.

A loud honk knocked Eli out of his eye lock with the guy.

“Eli!” his brother shouted. “Come on!”

He waved at his brother, remembering that he needed a ride since his car was in the shop. “I have to go,” Eli muttered, avoiding the bright, hopeful eyes of the boy on the ground. For some reason, something in Eli’s stomach clenched and as he moved in the direction of his brother’s car, there was a slight hesitation in his step.

The boy on the ground stared at him, and Eli wished he would stop. It put pressure on him, reinforcing what he knew he should do.

“You guys going?” Eli asked his breath hitching. He hoped his friends would leave the boy alone.

“Yeah, may as well,” Ray said, shooting a sneer at the fallen boy. “Stay out of our way from now on, fag. Otherwise, you’ll really regret it.” He moved toward the parking lot, while the rest of his friends dispersed in various directions, whether for the bus or to bum a ride off someone else.

Only the boy continued to lie on the ground, his dark hair shining under the glaring sun, his blue eyes staring at Eli’s retreating back.

Eli felt the boy’s stare drilling holes into him and he felt an ache in his chest and his fingers twitched, as if in a delayed reaction.

He felt the stare. He remembered the plea in those big eyes.

It made his guilt mount; he knew what he should have done.

******

Cassidy was in a weird mood during the short drive from school to home.

“Are you ok, Cass?” Eli asked, eyeing his older brother and his tense arm, and the clenched jaw line.

“Yeah,” he answered gruffly.

“Are you sure?” Eli asked hesitantly. “Are you not feeling well?”

Cassidy had always been a little off and a little weird ever since he was sixteen and Eli was ten. For as long as Eli could remember, Cassidy had been athletic and popular and kind of obnoxious, but still tolerable as a brother. But at some point during Cassidy’s sophomore year of high school, he changed. It was like someone flipped a switch. He went from Mr. Social to a depressed, reclusive freak. And that didn’t change when he went off to college; it only continued further. Hence, at 23, Cassidy was still in college, trying to graduate. No one knew exactly what had caused this great change in him.

His older brother didn’t answer. There was only silence for the remaining duration of the ride. Entering the house, Eli went to get a soda from the kitchen. When he turned around, he let out a cry as he smacked into Cassidy’s firm chest. “Whoa, man.”

“Get me one, too,” Cassidy ordered in a rough voice. Eli made a face, but did as he was told. “Come with me,” Cassidy said leading the way into the living room.

“What’s going on?” Eli asked frowning. “You’re being weird.”

“I have something to tell you,” Cassidy said swallowing hard.

Eli stared into his brother’s eyes. Everyone said they resembled one another and Eli would never admit it, but he was happy. Cassidy was tall, muscular, and extremely good-looking. They had the matching mop of curly brown hair, big hazel eyes, and deeply tanned skin from their mutual love of sports. Well, back when Cassidy used to like sports. For the past seven years, Cass hadn’t done anything other than sit around like some lump.

“Is something wrong? Did something bad happen?” Eli asked, genuinely concerned. His concern grew when he saw the glassy look in Cassidy’s eyes.

Tears. There were tears in his brother’s eyes.

“I have a story to tell you,” his brother whispered. “There once was a boy…”

******

“Thanks for helping me. If you didn’t, I’d probably get kicked off the team,” Cassidy said closing the large Calculus textbook and rubbing his eyes.

“Don’t thank me,” Kyle answered quietly. “Baker asked me to help you. He’s a fan of high school sports just like every other stupid student and teacher in this place. Trust me, if I had a choice, I wouldn’t be spending my afternoons tutoring and without pay. That’s torture.”

Cassidy couldn’t help frowning. “Am I that bad? What have I ever done to you?”

“It’s not what you’ve done; it’s what you haven’t done,” Kyle said.

Cassidy’s frown deepened. “What does that mean?”

“Never mind.”

“No, tell me,” Cassidy insisted. “I want to know. I’ve never treated you badly or called you names or anything like that. Why do you hate me so much?”

“I don’t hate you,” Kyle said seriously.

“It feels like it,” Cassidy said, bothered by that fact, for reasons unknown to him. “It radiates off you and I get this hateful vibe.”

“Then you’re stupid, ‘cause I don’t hate you. And I don’t lie.” Kyle glanced at his watch. “I have to go now.”

“I’ll give you a ride,” Cassidy volunteered, the words out of his mouth before he could fully process them.

Kyle looked surprised. It was evident in his green eyes, so pale, so beautiful; Cassidy had never noticed them before. “Umm, no that’s ok.”

“Really, I don’t mind. It’s the least I can do after all you’ve done for me.”

“No, really, I’m fine…”

“Come on, let’s go. Let’s get a drink, too. I’m mad thirsty,” Cassidy said standing up and wrapping his hand around Kyle’s bicep which wasn’t hard. The guy was so slim. Average height, but thin and had no muscle tone.

“You know, I live really close to school. I’d much rather walk and not inconvenience…”

“No problem at all,” Cassidy said dragging along the smaller boy. “I enjoy your company.” He gently nudged him into the car.

Kyle’s eyes widened and Cassidy caught a glimpse of something. Hope?

“Really?” Kyle asked.

Cassidy smiled genuinely. “Really. Now stop arguing with me.”

Ten minutes later they sat across from one another in a booth, sipping milkshakes.

“What did you mean before?” Cassidy asked tilting his head. “When you said ‘it’s the things you don’t do’?” Cass wondered curiously.

“Nothing. I didn’t mean anything by that,” Kyle said looking around the small food joint. “Do you like high school, Cass?”

Cassidy was surprised by the question. “Umm, yeah, it’s ok. I don’t like waking up every morning and sitting through boring classes, but otherwise it’s ok. I like basketball and lacrosse. I like seeing my friends.”

Kyle smiled faintly. “I hate it.”

“Why?” Cassidy asked, although he already knew the answer.

Kyle turned to Cassidy with a hard gaze. “You know why.”

“Listen,” Cassidy said licking his lips. “I don’t know if any of those things are true, but I don’t care. It doesn’t bother me.”

“Really?” Kyle asked with a dry laugh. “Everyone else seems to have a problem with it, even though it doesn’t affect them. I don’t touch them, I don’t hit on them, and I don’t do anything but act like myself. I even stick to myself because I like being quiet and reading and going on the computer. Yet, they still like to attack me. Why? Why Cassidy?”

Suddenly, Cassidy felt really bad for the guy. He was smart and nice, but no one bothered to know those qualities about him. High school was fun for guys like him, but not for guys like Kyle.

“I can’t wait to get away from here. This small town is so stupid. Everyone is so stupid. Don’t drink the water,” Kyle muttered.

Cassidy laughed, choking a bit on his shake.

“I’m serious,” Kyle said. “Religious bullshit, hatred, bigotry, and racism…it’s spread through the water. I want to get out of here.”

“How old are you?”

“Sixteen, just like you, but I’ll graduate next year. I talked with the guidance counselor and found a way to speed up the whole credit process. I’ll be free of this place soon enough. Not soon enough, but soon enough, you know?”

Cassidy nodded.

“How would you know?” Kyle asked suddenly annoyed. “Life is good for you. You walk in and everyone bows down to you. Or the crowd parts for you and your stupid friends. Everything is so easy for you, isn’t it? I should have refused to help you. Let you struggle a bit in life, if only in the math world. Chump change compared to what I deal with on a daily basis.”

“Kyle…”

“Aren’t you afraid of your friends and what they’ll say about you?” Kyle asked. “Associating with me, you might catch my disease,” he said mockingly serious.

“I don’t care what they think,” Cassidy said.

“Liar. I see how you look around when you’re with me, wondering what others are thinking. I hear you tell people that you need me in order to stay on the team. You’re a fucking liar.” His voice wasn’t angry or hateful, but his words cut through Cassidy nonetheless.

Cassidy had nothing to say; he stared down at the table.

“Thanks for the shake. I’ll walk from here,” Kyle said, abruptly standing and walking out the door. He was out of sight before Cassidy had the wits to even blink.

******

“I’m sorry.”

Kyle looked at Cassidy who was avoiding his eyes. “What was that?”

“I’m sorry,” Cassidy repeated.

“Did your friends put you up to this? Kiss me and then tell everyone I tried to make a move on you? Make my life at school even worse?” Kyle asked his voice full of controlled anger.

“No,” Cassidy stammered. “I just, well, I just couldn’t help it. I don’t know what came over me. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

“Want to know something, Cassidy?”

“What?”

“I don’t like every guy I see. You’re good-looking and all, but I’m not attracted to you,” Kyle said. Cassidy didn’t say anything. “But you are a good kisser.”

A small smile made its way to Cassidy’s face. “Thanks,” he said shyly.

“Maybe in another lifetime we’ll be friends, or in a different time or environment,” Kyle said. “But for now, I’m just your tutor.”

“I’m sorry for how I treat you at school,” Cassidy blurted out. “I…”

“I know,” Kyle shrugged. “I’ve heard your friends. They’re terrible. I don’t blame you for being scared. They’re vicious. Personally, I don’t even know why you associate with them.”

Cassidy shrugged. “They’re good people. We get along and they’re fun and we have stuff in common.”

“No, Cassidy. They’re bad people with a pretty exterior. If they treat a person badly because of whom he chooses to love, then they are not good. Do not be fooled.”

“What can I do?” Cassidy whispered.

“There’s nothing you can do, as long as you let your fear control you,” Kyle said. “I don’t hate you for how you treat me in school- ignoring me, not sticking up for me- because you would risk your own reputation and your own well-being. High school is a cutthroat environment. You have to really fight to survive, even if it means compromising yourself.”

“Are you sure you’re only sixteen?”

“No, but when you’re alone as much as I am, you have time to study and observe the life that is high school,” Kyle shrugged. “It doesn’t bother me that much. I’ll be gone in a year.”

“I’ll miss you.”

“You won’t.”

“Yeah, I will. You’re a brave person, Kyle. Better than me. Better than everyone else in the entire school.”

Kyle smiled faintly. “I’m really not. If things had turned out differently, if people didn’t find out about me, if I grew up in a more accepting atmosphere, I might be just like you.”

“The truth is, Cassidy, no one knows how they will act or what their true character is until they’re faced with a test.”

“A test? What do you mean?” he frowned.

“A test from God, Cassidy. It’s up to you to do the right thing. The right thing is not always evident immediately, although you know it in your heart, but like so many people our age, the pressure and the fear, it consumes us until we cannot think clearly.”

“I still don’t understand,” Cassidy said.

“We’re all tested at some point in our lives,” Kyle said cryptically. “Right now, my life right now, is my test. Can I make it? I think I can. I know I can. I have my Mom, I have God; I don’t need anyone else. All you guys, all you close-minded people, it makes no difference. I will be free of you in a year and once I’m gone, I’ll never look back.”

Cassidy smiled. “I have faith in you, Kyle. I wish I had your courage. I wish circumstances were different.”

“Me, too Cassidy. Me, too. Another lifetime. In another lifetime.”

******

“Cass, you really have to stop hanging out with Kyle,” Mark whispered.

“What? Why?”

“Dude, people are starting to say things about you,” Ricky added from across the lunch table.

A cold feeling made its way up Cassidy’s spine. “Who? What kind of things?”

“You’re always studying with Kyle and people see the looks he gives you,” Mark said ignoring his question.

“He doesn’t give me any looks,” Cassidy said.

“That’s not what people are saying,” Ricky said. “In fact, people are saying you look at Kyle a lot,” he said studying Cassidy.

“What people?” Cassidy said angrily.

“Just people,” Mark said casually. “I’m just telling you. I’m your friend. I want you to be careful and watch yourself some more.”

“Yeah, don’t let him seduce you,” Ricky said.

“Kyle wouldn’t do that,” Cassidy said heatedly.

“Well, if you choose to spend so much time with Kyle, what do you expect people will say? You’re studying practically every day, and I know for a fact that you’re doing better in math. What, you like being with him? What are the two of you doing?” he asked suspiciously.

“We’re worried about you Cassidy. We don’t want that thing to influence you or make you do dirty things,” Mark said in disgust. “They shouldn’t even be alive. All they do is corrupt people.”

“Who told you that, Mark?” Cassidy asked. “Has Kyle ever tried anything on you or are you just shooting your stupid mouth off?”

“Cass, just fucking watch yourself around the fag, ok!” Mark snapped. “If people keep saying things then they’re gonna say things about us, and we’re not like that. Do you want to be like him? Do you want to be treated like him?”

Cassidy thought of the looks Kyle received, or the taunts thrown his way as he passed, or the not so subtle nudges and pushes directed his way while teachers looked the other way. He didn’t want to even imagine what it was like when Kyle was alone.

Occasionally Kyle would show up with faint bruises here and there. Cassidy never asked about them, and Kyle never explained them. They both knew the unspoken truth.

“Do you understand what we’re saying, Cass?” Ricky asked looking at him intently.

His message was clear.

“Yeah,” Cassidy whispered. “I hear you.”

******

“No hard feelings,” Kyle said casually. Too casually. “I knew this would happen eventually. It’s the order of things.”

“Kyle, I don’t want…”

“It doesn’t matter what we want, Cassidy,” Kyle said. “This environment we live in, this world we live in, it’s so oppressive. Even in the modern world, we’re still oppressed, not by a dictator or anything, but by our narrow minds. It’s ok, Cass. It’s ok.”

“I really like you,” Cassidy whispered. “You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met before. I don’t know what it is about you. You’re so ahead of everyone else and you just know everything. You’re so strong; even if people hassle you day after day, you’re so strong.”

“I don’t know everything,” Kyle said smiling sadly. “And I’m really not that strong. Ever heard of a mask? Ever heard of acting? I’m just really good at faking it. I have an excellent game face.”

“I like you, Kyle. I wish we could be together.”

“It’s not meant to be, Cassidy. Around here, people like me, we’re not accepted. We never will be. I won’t try to change it; I’ll only move on.”

“Will I ever see you again?”

“Sure, around school. You don’t need me anymore anyway. You’re doing better in math.”

“I do need you. More than you know.”

“Cassidy.”

“Umm, when you go off to college, or when we’re both in college, can we talk? I mean, can we keep in touch?”

“Of course we can,” Kyle said.

“You don’t hate me?”

“Of course not, Cassidy. It’s a scary world out there. How can I hate you for being scared?”

“I feel so shitty when you put it like that.”

“Fear is a powerful thing,” Kyle shrugged. “Every morning I wake up, I feel a knot of fear in my gut and an urge to vomit. But then I take a deep breath and steel myself and before I know it, the day is over. One day at a time. I get scared, too. Still admire me?”

“Always. I’m pathetic compared to you.”

“No,” Kyle smiled. “You’re just a scared high school boy. Who isn’t?”

“I want to be like you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes.”

“Perhaps one day you can prove your courage.”

******

“What are you doing?” Cassidy yelled running up to his group of friends.

“This faggot made a pass at me in the locker room!” John shouted. “Keep your fucking eyes to yourself!” He violently shook Kyle’s slender body. Kyle gripped John’s wrist, but otherwise remained silent.

“I wasn’t looking at you,” Kyle whispered.

“I don’t appreciate your dirty eyes looking me over,” John hissed. “Everyday you piss me off. Just your existence pisses me off. Why are people like you even alive? You have no purpose.”

“Like you do?” Kyle asked calmly. John threw a rough punch and Kyle stumbled backwards.

Cassidy had an urge to help him up, but for some reason his feet wouldn’t move.

“This ends right now,” John hissed. “You’re going to wish you had never been born after we’re through with you.” He whipped out a knife.

“John, what the hell?” Mark asked looking alarmed, but not alarmed enough.

“Just going to teach him a lesson,” John said with a maniacal look in his eyes. He flicked his wrist. “Ready?” he asked Kyle in a menacing tone.

Kyle looked around, his eyes settling on Cassidy’s for a moment. Cassidy couldn’t read his eyes. Suddenly, Kyle darted to the right of John, trying to run, but Ricky caught hold of him and threw him back to the ground.

“You won’t be able to run, Kyle,” John taunted. “You’ll have to get through us.”

“Why?”

“Why what?” John asked.

“What have I done to deserve this?” Kyle asked, his eyes welling up. “I’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Don’t you get it?” John laughed. “We don’t like your kind. We have to make sure you know your place. Keep your fucking eyes to yourself!”

He reached for Kyle and grabbed his arm, twisting it roughly. Kyle let out a cry of pain. Cassidy took a step forward, but fear seized him and once again, he was frozen, reduced to just a bystander, watching the events unfold.

Without realizing it, Cassidy noticed Kyle’s head snap back and blood spurt out. A knee was shoved into his stomach and Kyle fell forward with a loud cough. A moan of pain escaped from the fallen boy.

“Stop!” Cassidy cried out, unable to stand it any longer.

“What?” John asked whipping around.

“You’re going to kill him,” Cassidy exclaimed. “Stop. Just leave him alone.”

John had a look of disbelief on his face. “It’s true then. You and Kyle are an item; is this why you’re defending him?”

“No!” Cassidy shouted, guilt washing over him. “But you shouldn’t beat him for nothing.”

“You gonna stop me?” John sneered. “You gonna protect your boyfriend?” All eyes were on Cassidy, wondering what he’d do. “Go ahead. Stop me,” John hissed, his lips curling.

“I dare you.”

The challenge hung in the air.

Fear consumed him. Fear paralyzed him.

Would he risk his own life and well-being for Kyle? Could he do it? Was he strong enough?

******

“What did you do?” Eli asked a sinking feeling in his stomach. His fingers gripped the couch, his curiosity eating at him. Cassidy said nothing, just continued to look down, his fists clenching. “What?” Eli asked his voice rising. “What did you do? Tell me,” he demanded with a note of urgency.

“I failed,” Cassidy finally whispered, a tear falling down his cheek.

“Failed what?”

“I failed God’s test,” Cassidy said. Eli saw the pain on his brother’s face.

A bad feeling spread throughout Eli’s stomach. “What happened to Kyle? What happened to him?” For some reason, he desperately needed to know the answer.

Cassidy’s face was wet with tears and his lips trembled. Eli’s heart dropped. His chest ached for Kyle, for he already knew the fate of the boy.

Cassidy looked up. His eyes were shining with a fresh batch of tears.

“He had the final say. He took ultimate control over his life,” Cassidy whispered softly.

******

Kyle’s face was badly bruised and in a span of thirty minutes, his face didn’t look recognizable.

Cassidy was sweating, his fists were clenching, and his feet twitched. ‘Do something’ his mind screamed. ‘Do something!’ But his feet wouldn’t cooperate.

This powerful feeling was holding him back. It paralyzed him.

He saw the tears in Kyle’s eyes, the snot from his nose, and wobble in his stance as he tried to remain standing. Blood seeped from the cut on his side.

“John, stop. You’re going to kill him. Let’s just leave,” Mark said grabbing John’s arm.

“No, I’m not done yet,” John said.

Kyle spat on the ground and let out a laugh. “Do you want to kill me?” he breathed. “Is that your plan?” he slurred. “You won’t let me leave here unless it’s in a body bag. Right? Right?” he shouted in near hysterics, swaying clumsily. “You’re stupid,” he gasped.

Everyone looked dumbfounded.

“You think I’ll give up my life that easily. Do you? You think you have my life? You think you control the strings. Do you?” Kyle spat, his power coming out. He turned his head. “See over there? See that cliff? I’d jump off it before I’d let you kill me. Before I’d let you win.” There was a surge of pride in Kyle’s voice and his chest puffed out.

John’s eyebrows shot up and a smile slowly grew on his face. He was calling Kyle’s bluff.

“You don’t believe me?” Kyle asked catching the look. He started stumbling toward the cliff. At one point he tripped, but hastily picked himself back up, even if it obviously caused him pain. Curiously, they followed him. Cassidy’s heart started beating faster.

Kyle stopped and faced them. “Everyday, I hold onto my dream. My dream of living. My dream of escaping into a better world, but does that world exist? Or is it all in my head? Did I make it up?” He murmured to himself tearfully.

“I thought I could do it; I thought I could make it. I thought I could last until next year, but I see that you won’t let me,” Kyle said, swallowing hard. “I tried. I really wanted to.”

“Kyle,” Cassidy said stepping closer. “Come back here. Give me your hand.”

“You’ll never let me be free, will you?” Kyle asked. His eyes were blank and he was in a different place. “What have I done? What have I done to deserve this?”

“What is with you people?” Kyle screamed. “What is wrong with you?”

“Dude, come on,” Mark said stepping forward as well. “Come back here.”

“You’re scared,” Kyle laughed, backing away, coming dangerously close to the edge. “I can see it.” He inhaled deeply, bending his head back. “I can smell it. I can smell your fear,” Kyle went on in a singsong voice. He smiled happily. “It smells wonderful. Your fear smells wonderful.”

Looking at them once again, his pale eyes hardened, ablaze with a passion, with a fire Cassidy had never seen before. “You think you’re better than me? You think you’re stronger than me? I’ll show you how strong I am. I’ll prove it to you,” he said, his lip curling.

Suddenly, his expression became one of rage. “You think you’ve won? You think I’ll let you! I won’t! I won’t let you win!” he screamed. “I won’t, I won’t, I won’t!” he panted, anguish written all over his face.

“Ok, we’re sorry. Now come back here,” John said trying to sound commanding, but his voice trembled slightly as he realized Kyle was serious and that this had gone too far.

“You’ll have my blood on your hands. No matter how many times you wash your hands, it will be there,” Kyle taunted. “I’ll be in your dreams. I’ll be in your nightmares. I’ll be in your reality. You’ll never escape me.” He laughed. “Never, never, never.” He sounded giddy. “I won’t let you take my life away. I won’t let you,” he said tripping, clearly weak.

Cassidy’s eyes widened when he saw Kyle’s feet get closer and closer to the edge. “Kyle, don’t.”

Those beautiful eyes met his. “Don’t feel bad Cassidy,” he whispered. “Don’t. I know you’re here, with me,” he pointed to his heart. “You’re not one of them. I’ll never see your face beside them. I’m grateful for you, Cass. The time we spent together, it was the best days of my life. You’re a good person and good things will come to you. Just promise me one thing?”

Cassidy looked at him helplessly.

“Promise me that one day, you won’t be afraid. If fear comes for you, if he reaches for you, run. Run as far as you can, as fast as you can, before he catches you, before he captures you. Run from fear,” he whispered fervently to Cassidy.

Tears fell down Cassidy’s cheeks and he nodded immediately.

“Don’t cry Cassidy.” Kyle’s voice was soft, almost tender. “Don’t cry. We will meet again one day. Remember what we said? In another lifetime. We’ll meet in another lifetime.”

Kyle looked hard at John, then Mark, then Ricky. “Your judgment lies in God’s hands,” he said in a strong voice. “Your time will come,” he predicted, giggling quietly. Soft giggles morphed into booming laughter. His laughter grew and it echoed loudly amid the ominous silence. He laughed so hard, tears trickled down his face.

He raised his head to the sky; it was a remarkably blue sky, without a single cloud. Why such beauty in the face of impending death?

“Take care of Momma,” Kyle whispered. “Please, take care of her.” His palms came together, as if in prayer. Then he tucked his chin towards his chest and squeezed his eyes shut. “Forgive me, Momma. I love you.” His voice shook. “No choice. There was no choice. Forgive me.”

“Kyle, come back here! You don’t have to do this!” Cassidy cried out, finally stepping forward.

Kyle met his eyes. “I do.” With a look of peace, a look of triumph, he jumped, his feet arching gracefully as they left solid ground. Cassidy felt his stomach drop as the spot where Kyle had been standing was now empty. He blinked to make sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. It was no joke.

He vanished in the calm breeze.

No one heard his fall.

He did not scream.

A bird using his wings; free for the first time.

******

“He jumped?” Eli asked, his voice quivering, his own eyes damp.

“Don’t you see, Elias?” Cassidy asked looking at his feet. “I failed my test. I failed. I let him die. He was like an angel. Such a beautiful person, and I let him die.”

“Cassidy,” Eli began.

“I could have done something, Eli. I could have stepped in and told my friends to back off. There were so many openings to do that. I mean, high school means nothing on the grand scheme of things. I could, no I should have, taken a risk. Taken a chance, and dealt with the sacrifice. Even if I had to endure constant bullshit, I could at least look at myself in the mirror at the end of the day.”

“The worst part?” Cassidy went on, his nose red, his hazel eyes looking almost completely red. “He didn’t even hate me. He didn’t even ask for help. He just accepted it all. Why? Why did he jump? Why didn’t I do anything? Why?”

Eli thought back to the kid his own friends had bullied just an hour earlier. “Because you were afraid,” he murmured. “Because fear consumes us,” Eli said. “It weakens the strongest. It paralyzes the best.”

“Elias, don’t make my mistake. I saw you with your friends before. Don’t do it. Don’t let other people, or social rules, or circumstance, or fear dictate your actions. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

“Do you? Regret it?” Eli asked, feeling profoundly sad for his older brother and the constant haunting he had to endure; that he had endured for the last seven years.

“Yes,” Cassidy whispered. “Please don’t make the same mistake. Please.”

His hazel eyes locked on Eli’s. “If you can help someone, if you can save someone, do it. No one else matters. Don’t let your so-called friends change your character. If you’re a good person, Elias, then prove it. Actions, Elias. Your actions last forever.”

“Don’t make my mistake. Don’t. Please.” His eyes dropped tears, streaming down his face.

“If fear tries to grab you, run. Run as far as you can. Don’t let him capture you. Please. You can escape your fear, but I did not. I let him consume me, and I will live to regret it. You can fix this.” There was a note of desperation in his voice.

Cassidy grabbed Eli’s shirt and pulled him forward, their faces an inch apart. “Fix it, please.” Eli watched as his older brother broke down sobbing in his lap, his broad muscular shoulders shaking uncontrollably. “Please help him. Please,” Cassidy choked. “Please. I loved him.”

Eli could do nothing to comfort his older brother. The gut-wrenching sobs broke his heart. All the pain Cassidy felt, it seeped into Eli. It squeezed his heart in a vise-like grip.

Leaning down, he gently kissed his brother’s head. “I will. I promise.”

This made his brother cry even harder.

******

“Hey, I’m Eli,” he said once he spotted the slender boy his friends had been bullying the afternoon before.

The boy looked startled, his eyes widening in fear, and then he shrank away, sputtering, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…“

“What are you apologizing for?” Eli asked with a smile. “I was the one that approached you. What’s your name?”

“Gabriel,” he replied, suddenly looking both cautious and suspicious at the same time. “Where are your friends?”

“That’s what I wanted to talk about,” Eli began. “I want to apologize for their behavior yesterday. They were being assholes. Actually, they’re kind of assholes all the time. I don’t know why I’m even friends with them. We don’t really have that much in common,” he mused. “Except for sports. Anyway, I’m kind of sick of them. Have been for awhile now,” he admitted.

“Is this a joke?” Gabriel asked backing away slowly.

“No, I just,” he paused. “I just felt really badly about yesterday. I should have helped you or said something. I was a coward and I’m not proud of it,” Eli said looking at Gabriel head on.

“Oh,” Gabriel said quietly. “Umm.” He looked around. “Aren’t you worried what your friends might say or do?”

Eli smiled. “No. I used to be, but not anymore. I’ve seen the big picture.”

Gabriel frowned. “I don’t understand. How did you have a change of heart in less than twenty-four hours?” he asked, genuinely confused.

“The truth is, Gabriel, I made a promise,” Eli said, thinking of his sobbing brother the day before and his chest momentarily ached.

“Huh? A promise? I don’t understand.” Gabriel’s frown deepened.

“You have lunch now?” Eli asked. Gabriel nodded slowly. “Let’s grab a bite. I can explain it better. Trust me, once I explain everything, it will make more sense.”

“Uh,” Gabriel said, clearly not trusting Eli.

Eli smiled reassuringly. “Or we can grab some snacks and sit outside in the senior section,” he suggested, referring to the patio outside the cafeteria. It was a more public area.

Gabriel studied Eli and finally nodded in agreement. Together they headed to the cafeteria. Eli cleared his throat, catching Gabriel’s attention. He began his tale.

“I have a story to tell you. There once was a boy…”

© 2008 Tiffani Chin

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