GWM - 11. Chapter 11 of 18

Luis

Borderline clown two, with a red nose and big feet.
Luis e-mailed a great photo to Harry, his face all bones and angles. After exchanging an evening’s worth of messages, he and Harry agreed to meet the next day, at lunch, to look at each other. Harry picked a quiet bench along the river in Northampton.
If it all seemed a bit careful, it was: Luis had been married for eight years. The last time he’d touched another guy was in college.
“I messed around a bit, then chose women,” he wrote Harry. “I’ve slept with a lot of women.”
“But you like being married?”
“Oh, yeah. But it doesn’t stop me fantasizing.”
“About guys?”
“And women. Especially their breasts. God, I love ‘em. Though lately I can’t stop thinking about dicks.”
Which is why he was online.
“How do you feel about married guys?” Luis asked as they shook hands.
Harry had to laugh. “In the beginning, I had two rules: No dangerous sex. No married men. Now I only have one.”
“About the sex?”
“You got that right.”
They laughed
“What changed?” Luis asked.
Harry shrugged. “A couple of things. First, most of the men I’ve been with have been married at some point. Second, I ran into an old friend at a conference last summer. I’ve known her since college. Liked her then, but hadn’t pushed -- she always had other guys around. She married soon after graduation. She and her husband have two great kids. Couple of years ago, their marriage seemed a bit shaky, but that straightened out. Then I ran into her at this conference and was getting every sign she wanted to sleep with me.”
“Been there,” Luis said, grinning. “Happens all the time.”
Harry could understand why. Besides having a great face, Luis had a neat body. His loose shirt was partway open. It was thin, and white, and he wore nothing underneath. When he moved, you could see everything.
“You sleep around much?” Harry asked, knowing how obvious that seemed.
“Not since I’ve been married,” Luis swore, maybe purposely ignoring the hint. “Not that I’m perfect. But I’ve always been afraid to, knowing the kind of guy I am. I get involved.”
They laughed at that, then Luis asked, “What happened with the woman?”
Harry smiled. “I kept ignoring the signals. I’d started seeing guys by then, so knew I wasn’t interested. But it was a three-day conference, and I saw her a lot. The last night, we told old stories, had too much to drink, and she passed out on my bed.”
“What was she doing in your room?”
“Yeah, well...” Harry said.
And they laughed again.
“Anyway, I let her have the bed. I could’ve taken hers, but my room had a couch, so I slept there.”
“Nice of you.”
“Around four in the morning, I woke, not knowing why. I usually sleep straight through. Then I heard her crying. For a while, I just lay there, wondering what was more wrong: Letting her work it out. Or trying to help.”
“You didn’t have to sleep with her.”
“I didn’t, really. But she needed someone in that bed. Needed the attention she wasn’t getting at home.” Harry hesitated, then said, simply: “A lot of married guys are like that, too. And if I know that I’m not dating them seriously....”
In response, Luis put his hand over Harry’s. “It’s good just being here. You’ve worked this out better than I have.”
Harry only nodded.
“I want to stay married,” Luis went on. “Want to have kids -- the whole thing. Diane and I are just waiting till we’re set up better. But marrying her is the best thing I’ve ever done.”
“Does she know what you’re interested in?” Harry asked, wondering how much Luis lied to himself.
Luis smiled. “She probably does. On some level. When we started dating, in that rush of catching up, I mentioned what I’d done in college. But I wasn’t specific. Probably said I’d sucked a little dick, freshman year.”
Harry laughed. “What did she say?”
“To be honest, I don’t remember. We were so ready to get past that and be in love. Or I don’t want to remember. The point is, this was all a while back. Diane accepts it as history. But if she found out I’d started again...”
“She’d what?”
“Leave.”
“You’re sure?”
“Oh, yeah. Definitely.”
“Then why risk it?”
Luis hesitated, then plunged: “I’ve got to. It’s so unfinished. It just sits there... like a challenge. Not letting me know how I really feel.”
Harry waited, but Luis didn’t go on. “Are you unhappy?” he asked.
Luis grinned. “You’ve really got me by the balls here, don’t you? You ask your little questions, then squeeze. And I’m supposed to give.”
Harry laughed. “You don’t have to say anything,” he insisted. “Nothing you don’t want to.”
“But I like it,” Luis said, smiling. “I like being stripped. Being forced to tell the truth. It’s...” He stopped again. “Still, to answer you, I’m as happy as I ever imagined. Diane and I have a great life. Good marriage. Terrific friends.”
“Then what are you doing with me?”
Luis stiffened slightly. “Do I really have to explain?”
“You just want to suck a little dick?”
Luis laughed. “More than little, if I’m lucky. I like dicks the way I like tits.”
So Harry opened his pants and slipped out his cock. It wasn’t close to hard.
Luis stared. “I can’t believe you did that.”
Harry couldn’t, either. But he was just a little irritated with Luis, with his hypocrisy. Besides, no one was around.
“It’s what you want,” Harry said.
“Not here. You’ll get us arrested.”
Luis got up and started to walk away. Then he sat down, immediately, his eyes never leaving Harry’s cock.
“I want that in my mouth, so badly.”
Harry twitched a muscle. His cock jumped.
“Oh, God,” Luis said.
Harry twitched again. Luis was practically on his knees. Then Harry rezipped his pants.
“Don’t,” Luis begged. He was beside Harry now.
“You should go,” Harry told him. Before he noticed Luis was crying.
Aw, shit.
Harry put his hand on Luis’ shoulder, gently rubbed his neck. Luis turned away. He covered his eyes with his own hand, but he couldn’t stop crying.
“We need to get a drink,” Harry said.
But Luis wouldn’t stand. And he wouldn’t look at Harry. “I’m sorry,” he finally said. “This has never happened.”
Harry was silent.
“I don’t mean to complicate your life,” Luis went on.
“You’re hardly complicating...”
“If we got involved...”
“We’ve only talked. For ten minutes.”
“But no one’s ever taken that kind of risk. Not for me.”
Harry smiled. “It wasn’t a risk. Look around. You really think I’d do that if we could get in trouble?”
Luis glanced around the park. There wasn’t anyone even close. He relaxed. Grinned. “I’m sorry, man.”
Harry laughed. “It’s okay. Now forget it. And tell me if you’re honestly happy.”
But Luis held the line. “I am. That’s the funny part. Diane and I are both fine. This sex has nothing to do with us. The only time I even slightly worry is about having sons.”
Harry was surprised. “You think you’d do something wrong?”
“No. Hell, no,” Luis insisted. “I’m not a freak. Naked babies do nothing for me. But we have this high school boy, working for us in the office. Sixteen, seventeen. Ordinary looking. So ordinary, you hardly notice him. And he’s straight. Always talking about girls. But I keep wanting to help him...”
“How?”
Luis tried to answer. “Want to see him happy,” he finally said. “Give him pleasure.”
“Suck his dick?”
“Fastest way I know to make a guy happy.” Luis grinned.
Harry wanted to stay clear of this, so asked, “Does Diane suck you off?” It was a rude, but it backed Luis off.
For a moment. Then he quickly grinned again and said, “Oh, yeah. She has a great mouth. And I have a terrific tongue. They keep our marriage going.”
Harry laughed. “So go home.”
“And what do I do about the boy?”
“Buy him porn.”
Luis laughed. “You’d make a great father. You’re really good at it.”
But he didn’t seem ready to leave.
“What do you want?” Harry finally asked.
Luis stalled. “I don’t know.”
“How important are guys?”
Luis thought. “I don’t know.”
“Then figure it out. See what happens.”
And Harry stood. So did Luis. They shook hands, holding on just a little too long.
“I really want to suck your dick,” Luis said. “Mine is so hard.”
Harry stared into Luis’ eyes. There were no lies there.
So he called his office. “I’ll be back late,” he said. “Maybe not at all.”
“No problem,” came the answer.
In Harry’s apartment, they immediately stripped. Luis did have a terrific tongue -- there was no denying that -- and he wasn’t afraid where it went. He stretched Harry on his bed and licked him all over. No one had ever done that before.
Just lying there, head propped on a pillow, Harry watched. The dark hair covering Luis’ upper chest lightened between his nipples, then continued, heavier, down to his cock. The hair there was trimmed, and Luis’ balls were smooth. His legs were again hairy, then he had the cleanest feet.
Harry sucked his toes. And his cock. And Luis returned the favors. Though when Harry came the first time, Luis immediately swallowed.
“Don’t,” Harry warned.
“You taste so good.”
“It’s not safe,” Harry said. “I mean, I’ve been tested. A couple times. And I’m fine. But who ever knows what that means?”
“You know what’s funny?” Luis said instead. And Harry realized he could have been talking another language. “For all I imagined... from all I remembered... this is entirely different. The way your dick feels in my mouth... The way you touch my balls... I love your taste as much as Diane’s.”
And he went right back to sucking.
“Give me a break,” Harry finally joked.
“No. Give me one. It’s been a long time.”
Luis stayed all afternoon. “Diane knows I’m on the road,” he said. “I told her I might be late.”
Something Harry couldn’t have guessed. And Luis didn’t seem to want much from Harry. Except to be there.
“You have such a great cock,” Luis said.
Harry smiled. He lay back. Wandered into an earlier conversation.
“There ought to be limit,” he’d told Gordon, “about how many times a guy can praise your dick.”
Gordon had laughed. “Relax about your cock. Consider it a gift.”
“But it has nothing to do with me. With who I really am.”
“You only think that. It’s completely important to guys who are hung like I am.”
“I like your dick.”
And Gordon laughed again. “That and six inches will make me a stud.”
The second time Harry came, Luis rubbed it into his chest, smelling it on his palm as he did. “Man,” he said. “Perfume.”
Harry was more practical: “You’ll need to wash up. Can’t go home smelling like a hustler.”
“I don’t want to go home.”
He might have been serious.
“This is nothing like I thought,” Luis went on. “I can’t get over it. Maybe because I’ve only been with boys before -- and we were just boys, in college, when I did this. Or maybe ‘cause you’re so relaxed. There’s no sense of shame... of worrying we’ll be found out. But this doesn’t make me want women -- want Diane -- any less. It just makes me want everyone.”
Harry laughed as Luis laughed with him. “Let me do something,” Harry suggested. Then he slipped beside Luis and kissed him. Luis suddenly pulled away. It was one of the few things they hadn’t tried.
“I’m not ready for that,” Luis insisted.
“After practically hijacking my body?”
Luis grinned and backed down. And soon he admitted he loved kissing Harry. “I’ve never been fucked,” he said. But Harry wasn’t sure if that was an invitation.
So they experimented. And soon Luis’ legs were tight against Harry’s chest. Harry oiled Luis, then slowly slipped in his cock .
Luis’ eyes were closed. He almost didn’t breathe. But his mouth was open, and he was smiling.
Harry came first, harder than before. Luis just smiled wider. Then Harry said, “Fuck me.”
“Now?”
“Yes.”
“I’m not ready.”
“Why?”
Luis hesitated. And needed to nurse on Harry’s dick for a while. Then he rolled Harry on his back.
“You know I’ve never done this.”
“It’ll be just like with Diane.”
“It can’t be.”
“Watch.”
And Luis discovered it was. And he fucked Harry nicely. And he came. And then they rested.
“You know what’s most amazing?” Luis said. This was as they showered. “I came here to finish things. I promised myself, ‘Just once more.’ But with your cock in my mouth... Well, when I said I didn’t want to leave? If you’d agreed, I would have said, ‘Yes! Fuck the world! I’m gonna stay here the rest of my life!’”
Harry laughed. “You’d get hungry.”
“And then you kissed me. And remember how I pulled back? Because I realized, in that second, everything that went with being gay. The expectations. The complications. I could go on having sex with you forever. I love it. But I can’t be a gay man.”
Harry dried Luis, unsurprised. It was something he’d already known.
“I’m a family man,” Luis went on. “Soon enough, I’ll be a dad. And I’ve got to be able to walk through a community and not wonder if people are laughing.”
It’s two different things, Harry wanted to say. It’s got nothing to do with being gay. But this wasn’t the time for that. And Luis quickly realized what he’d said.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he apologized.
“You haven’t come close.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I know what it means for you.”
And Luis grinned and kissed him. “Thanks,” he said.
“Any time.”
And soon he was leaving.
“Good luck,” Harry told him. And there was an awkward moment when Luis reached out and put his fingers in Harry’s mouth. Harry slowly sucked them. Then Luis whispered, “Sorry,” and let himself out.
Harry closed the door. He made himself a sandwich. He wasn’t near to where he wanted in terms of meeting a man. But he’d had a nice afternoon.