Not The Sun - 13. Chapter Thirteen: Bonding

13 ~Bonding~

"So, what now?" Brandon asked. He and Jordan were sitting on the couch in the living room with Nikki and Dalaja.

"Well, we need to check this guy out, obviously," Nikki said. "I still don't like the fact that we don't know where this guy's Enabler is."

"Could she be dead?" Brandon suggested.

Nikki shook her head. "No. If a Creator loses his Enabler, he'll get another one. Until he does, he won't 'register' as a Creator anymore."

Brandon thought of having someone other than Jordan as his Enabler and couldn't imagine it. "Well, what happens to an Enabler if he loses his Creator?" Brandon asked.

Jordan squeezed his hand. "Let's never have to find out, all right?" Jordan said. "So when are we going to go check this Keith guy out?"

"Tomorrow," Nikki said.

"I want to go on the record as saying that I still don't like this idea," Dalaja said. The Indian accent that colored her words came out very strongly in that last statement.

"You've made that clear," Nikki replied and Brandon was guessing that he and Jordan weren't the only ones who'd had a private conversation. "But," Nikki continued, "he already knows someone is on to him. I think we're taking a big enough risk waiting until tomorrow, never mind waiting until Ray and Cynthia can get down here from Arlington."

"Could Keith tell it was you?" Brandon asked.

"Probably not. We didn't have contact for long enough. I was the only one probing. He was just pushing me away, not trying to figure out where the energy came from."

"Well, that's pretty telling right there, isn't it?" Brandon said. "If he's not trying to figure out who it is, that would mean he thinks he already has a good idea, right?"

"You're saying Keith thinks it's you?" Dalaja asked.

Brandon shrugged. "I never told him or anything, but he could probably tell I was a Creator if he knew what to look for, right? And I'm guessing he does, since he's so powerful and all that jazz."

"That's a possibility," Nikki agreed, biting her lips thoughtfully. "But, regardless of all that, I'm still worried about him rabbitting. He knows someone is looking for him and he doesn't like it."

"If this guy is as unpredictable as you're making him out to be, we'll have to be on our toes," Dalaja said. "Tomorrow is soon enough. Let these two do their bonding first," she added, nodding towards Jordan and Brandon. "That way we'll have two strong teams against a single Creator. And if his Enabler does make an appearance, at least we'll be prepared to deal with it."

Brandon smiled slightly. "You're making it sound like we're about to go to war."

Nikki was not smiling when she spoke. "We might as well be."

* * *

Jordan watched from the upstairs window as Nikki stood outside and lit a cigarette. He pressed his hand against the window, feeling a slight urge to go outside and join her. Dalaja touched his shoulder gently. "C'mon," she said simply, and Jordan turned to follow her. He was nervous as hell and not sure why.

He sighed. He was lying to himself and he knew it. He was an extremely private person by nature, and the thought that he would be sharing a psychic link, even a casual one with someone else, unsettled him.

Brandon glanced at him, looking even more nervous. They went inside Jordan's room, Dalaja following. She shut the door behind her. "Okay guys. I know this is a little bit scary, but there is nothing to be worried about. This is going to be very simple. The connection between the two of you is already there. All this is going to do is uncover it. Before we start, you need to make sure this is something you both want. If there are any doubts or insecurities about strengthening this bond between the two of you, it needs to come forward now."

"I have no doubts," Jordan said.

"I have no doubts," Brandon repeated.

"Okay. Face each other and get into a position that is comfortable for you."

Brandon sat down Indian style on the floor and Jordan knelt down on his knees.

"Touch each other. You need to make sure you are in constant, physical contact for the duration. Most people hold hands, but do whatever feels the most comfortable, most natural for you."

Brandon glanced at Jordan and held up his hands. Jordan pressed his hands up against his, finger to finger and palm to palm, before their fingers interlaced.

"Close your eyes," Dalaja intoned, her voice low and soothing, mysterious and melodious. "Open your minds. Focus on your partner. Banish your fears and inhibitions. Relax your mind. Relax and reach out."

Jordan felt Brandon's hand tighten on his and knew that Brandon was just discovering his own psychic abilities that had been latent until now. Jordan had gotten so used to using his own that it was almost second nature, and he automatically reached out for Brandon, trying to steady him. Brandon's energy flared out, grabbed onto Jordan's and held tight. Jordan let out a relieved breath. They had done it, they had made the connection. Brandon was overreacting a little, but that was all right.

"Good." He heard Dalaja's voice. "You are connected. Your bond is solid; it will never be broken. Now focus on the other person. Their energy, their aura. Let it flow into you. Accept it and let yourself go."

Dalaja was still talking, but Jordan was hardly listening. He was focused on Brandon's energy which was bright and clean, flaring against his own like a searchlight. And all at once, like water in a precariously balanced glass, it passed the tipping point, flowing into him, filling him up, and Jordan gasped, his body drawing up tight like a bow from the intensity. It was like drinking the sun, swallowing a star. At the same time, he felt a tug from Brandon and he let himself go, felt his energy pour out in a rush, leaving his body even as Brandon's was entering his.

"Good," Dalaja said. "Hold onto it. Hold onto it."

Jordan was gripping Brandon's hand so tightly he knew it had to hurt, but he couldn't make himself let go.

"Draw back slowly," Dalaja said, and somewhat reluctantly, Jordan pulled himself back from Brandon, let that hot, clean energy ebb out of him, pulling his own back. The world righted itself again.

"Well done," Dalaja said. "Open your eyes."

Jordan did and the first thing he saw was Brandon staring back at him, his eyes wet and tears sliding down his face.

"Nikki and I are going to go out for a couple of hours to give you some time to get used to your new bond," Dalaja said.

"All right," Jordan answered automatically. He knew if he was in his right mind, he would want to know where they were going and when they would be back, but right now all he cared about was Brandon and those tears on his face.

"Take care guys."

She left, closing the door behind her. Jordan instantly crawled over to where Brandon was sitting, too exhausted to even entertain the thought of standing, and embraced him. Brandon rested his face against his shoulder, and Jordan could feel him shuddering against him.

Erroneously thinking that this would be as good a time as any, Jordan reached out with tentative psychic fingers, gently brushing against Brandon's mind which he could feel beating and pumping against his own like a backbeat. Brandon's reaction was both physical and psychic... He pushed Jordan back physically as his mind instinctively threw up a block and pushed Jordan's energy away hard. Sparks flew up in Jordan's eyes and he understood what Nikki meant about being hit with a psychic fist. He was sure Brandon's reaction probably hadn't been as violent as the one against Nikki; it was mainly a knee jerk reaction, but still... He blinked as the sparks faded and black dots danced in front of his vision. God… that had hurt. He felt like someone had tried to split his forehead open.

His eyes still watering from the pain, he saw Brandon curled up against the wall. He hesitated then approached him again, making sure to keep a little bit of distance in between them. He crouched down, wanted to reach out and touch Brandon's shoulder, but made himself wait. "Bran."

Brandon glanced up, his eyes red rimmed, tears still wet on his face.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know," Brandon said. "I think I'm freaking out here."

"Yeah. I'm sorry." Jordan sighed. He had so fucked this up. Since they had been spending a lot of time together lately, he had forgotten that so much of this was new for Brandon and that he didn't really know what to expect. Brandon had trusted him enough to do this bonding and it had ended up leaving him frightened and panicked. Jordan felt like he should have prepared him better, to maybe let him know a little bit more about what he was getting into. After all, he had no proof that Brandon had used any of his considerable psychic ability before now... Just opening that door could be enough to rattle someone, but to combine it with a bonding... shit, shit, shit. He had really fucked this up. He wished Dalaja hadn't left. He didn't know what to do.

He finally got up and went into the bathroom, turned on the sink and ran a washcloth underneath the cool water. He wrung it out carefully and went back into his bedroom. He knelt down next to Brandon and gently placed the washcloth on the back of his neck.

Brandon put his hand over the damp cloth and muttered a "thank you". Jordan sat down next to him, taking care to make sure they weren't touching in any way, letting Brandon have his space.

"Did I hurt you?" Brandon finally asked. "When I pushed you away?"

"Just a little bit."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, I'm the one who is sorry. I should have made sure you were better prepared for this, but I just wasn't thinking. I am so sorry. I didn't want this to be something that scared you."

Brandon lifted his head, brushing his face off. "I just... I didn't know what was going on. When I was listening to Dalaja talk, it was like I was hearing her words with more than just my ears, you know, like something inside me was reacting to her, and then it was just..." Brandon shook his head. "Like there was something locked up inside me that I didn't even know existed until it was freed. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know it would be like that."

"I know."

"And then I felt my... something being pulled away, and I was just scared and so I pulled back and I got something completely different."

"You got me. My energy."

"Yeah."

"You didn't know it at the time, but you were doing everything right. Brandon, you did everything right."

"It's over, right? I don't have to do it again?"

"That's right."

"Good." Brandon tilted his head back and closed his eyes. "Just... stay out of my head for a while, okay?"

"Okay," Jordan agreed. "Until we get used to this, I'll ask first and I won't try to get to you without permission, unless it's an emergency."

"Fine," Brandon said, sounding marginally relieved.

"I remember when I first saw you. I felt such a strong pull," Jordan said.

Brandon cracked an eye open to look at him. "Like psychically?"

"Yeah." Jordan smiled. "I was eating lunch outside because it was nice weather, and sitting by myself, because I was still too new. And I was wondering about finding my Creator, because Dalaja and Nikki both thought that it would happen here. And then I felt something that just... It was like a Siren's call. There was nothing going on to blatantly draw my attention, but it did anyway, without cause or reason. So I looked over and I saw you with your friends. The tall guy you hang out with..."

"Andrew."

"Yeah. You had jumped onto his back and he was carrying you around piggyback. And Alexis was laughing at the two of you and Leia was walking behind you. She was smiling, but she looked sad at the same time. At first I thought it was her. That she was my Creator. But a few seconds later, you turned your head and I could see you clearly. And I just found myself thinking, for no particular reason, 'He's the one.' There was no doubt, there was no question, there was no uncertainty. I just saw you, that once, and I knew. I just knew."

Brandon was watching him, curiously.

"And that's how it works, Brandon, that's how it'll always work. You'll know. You'll just know."

"Know what?"

"Anything. Everything. I'll just teach you how to look. Deal?"

Brandon smiled and took his hand, initiated the first contact. "Deal."

The first thing Jordan wanted to do was return some sense of normalcy to calm Brandon down. So he called for pizza and they ate while watching some television. He waited until Brandon was relaxed and acting somewhat like his normal, immature, ridiculous self. The day was darkening into night around them when he decided to address the issue of what had happened. It was true that he had led Brandon into this woefully unprepared, but now that was something he could attempt to fix.

He took Brandon outside, where the dusk and dark was falling rapidly, and led him through the trees to a small private garden set far back on the property. It was old and overgrown, with a decrepit crumbling fountain at its center, but it was quiet and secluded and he thought Brandon might feel safe there. There were plenty of stone benches still standing, but Brandon opted to stretch out on the soft grass and weeds. Jordan sat down next to him and started talking.

"First, I need to apologize," Jordan said. "I didn't tell you anything going in and that was kind of intentional. I thought it might be easier for you to undergo the bonding if you knew as little as possible, because most of it has to happen through instinct. If you had known what we had to do, I was afraid you would get nervous. But I didn't mean for it to scare you so much. All that the bonding did was to let us recognize each other's psychic signals, in a sense. I felt your aura, your energy and now my mind can recognize it, even on a subconscious level. Same with you. Understand?"

Brandon nodded.

"I want us to go over your psychic abilities. You've always had them, and they're not anything new. The only thing that has changed is that you're aware of them now."

In the gloom, he could barely see the gleam of Brandon's eyes, but he could feel them on him. Jordan continued.

"Your psychic abilities allow you to do several things; most that come with practice."

"Stuff like what Dalaja and Nikki do," Brandon said.

Jordan nodded even though he knew Brandon couldn't see him. "Yes, like that. But one of the most important, basic things to learn is how to protect yourself, your mind, from other people. Your mind is a deeply private, personal tool."

"Agreed," Brandon said, and Jordan could hear the resignation in his voice. Brandon obviously was not happy about the turn the conversation was taking, but he was accepting it. Good.

"There are two primary ways to protect your mind. One is the way Nikki was talking about, where someone takes the energy you are sending out and basically reflects it, fires it back at you. It's not a gentle refusal, it's an aggressive tactic, one that is meant to hurt and send a clear message to back off."

"And that's what he did to Nikki."

"Yeah. Another way is just to block it... Do you remember how you said when we first started the bonding process and you became aware of your abilities, it was like something in your mind being unlocked?"

"Yeah."

"Well, blocking is like closing that door and locking it up tight. You just close your mind off. That's a very simple, basic type of defense. When Nikki was probing Keith's mind, he could have done this, just blocked her out. But he didn't. He used a defensive method usually reserved for full fledged psychic attacks. It was overkill, Brandon, do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Okay. One step beyond that is combining the two. It's a total defense. Not only are you blocking your mind so no one can get inside your mind space, but you also send the energy from the person probing you back. It's a clear sign to stay away, and it lets you know that this person is not going to tolerate any attempt to breach their mind, at all. That's what you did to me after the bonding."

"Sorry."

"No. It's good that you are able to defend yourself. But what you are doing in defense is instinct and not control, which is what we need to work on. You don't want to hurt me again, do you?"

"No," Brandon answered very softly, and Jordan reached over to take his hand.

"All right." Jordan caressed the back of Brandon's hand with his thumb. "Now, you relax. I'm going to touch your mind. I'll be careful; it won't hurt, so just relax and let it happen."

Brandon tried to do what Jordan told him. He looked up at the spindly branches of old trees crisscrossing the blue velvet sky. He felt a pressure at the edge of his mind and even thought he knew it was just Jordan, even though he had been fucking expecting it, he still couldn't stop himself from slamming it closed. He heard a muffled sound from Jordan, frustration or pain he couldn't tell.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked.

"No," Jordan said. "You just blocked me that time, which is good. You're learning. Let's try it again."

Again Brandon felt that pressure. And again he couldn't let it in.

"Okay," Jordan finally said. "Let's try something different. I know that your mind recognizes my mind because of the bonding. But I think your subconscious brain has linked my mind with the fear and uncertainty you felt during the bonding. So I want you to touch my mind instead."

Considering the terminology they were using, Brandon was a little surprised at how normal all this seemed. "Fine. How do I touch your mind?"

"Just reach out," was Jordan's simple answer.

Brandon sighed and decided try it. So he focused on everything around him, the buzzing of the cicadas, the brush of gentle grass against the back of his neck, the coolness of the night around him. He could see the blink of far off lightning bugs; feel the sensation of Jordan sitting nearby. And then, far beyond all that in the back of his mind, he could feel something else... a gentle presence that he could reach out and take hold of. It was warm and safe and had Jordan filling every single molecule of it. He held on for several seconds, then gently let go.

"Good," Jordan murmured. "That was good. And that's all I'm going to do to you. Just touch. Just touch, okay?"

"Okay," Brandon whispered.

He felt it again, that pressure, and he knew it was Jordan and would be okay. He felt himself tense up, felt the urge to block away that new presence, that presence that wasn't him, but he fought it, swallowed the fear down into his chest where it was cold pressure, and let it happen. A warm, smooth something brushed across his mind and then it was gone and Brandon breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good," Jordan said again. "That was good, Brandon."

"Thanks." Brandon felt stupid. That wasn't bad at all. "Now what?"

"Nothing else right now," Jordan said. "You've had enough to deal with for one day. You can defend yourself with no problem and that's the only thing I am concerned about right now. And now that we've done this exercise, I think we'll be able to use our bond more effectively."

"Alright." Brandon smiled in the dark. "How long did you know this place was back here?"

"A while ago. Shortly after the house was built, me and Dylan walked around the property. He wanted to get rid of this place, rebuild it as a proper garden, but I wouldn't let him. Neither of us has the time or inclination to keep a garden up and I liked this place the way it was. It's... mysterious, I guess."

"When you first brought me out here, I was wondering if you were going to try to do something dishonorable."

"Oh?" Jordan said, smiling at Brandon's flirtatious tone. "And what dishonorable thing would that be?"

"I'm not sure. Take advantage of me while you had me all alone perhaps?"

Jordan leaned down, found Brandon's lips in the dark and kissed them. "Don't you worry," he said softly, his voice low and full of promise. "Because once this is over and everything is straightened out, I promise to take full advantage of every delectable inch of you."

He couldn't see Brandon's expression in the dark, but as Brandon's hot mouth met his again, he decided he really didn't need to.

Brandon didn't sleep well that night. He and Jordan had spent a while in the garden, just kissing before he had left for home. Now he found himself lying in his bed, his mind racing, unable to turn off. So much had happened. They had found one half of the team that had possibly hurt Leia. A person that he knew, that he had slept with. He and his Enabler had bonded. And he had discovered an entirely new dimension of his mind that he had never known existed before.

He didn't like the whole mind concept going on. He didn't care to share his mind with anyone, even Jordan. He had the uncomfortable thought that Keith had maybe been able to slip in without him noticing, and that was even more disturbing. If he had, what had he seen? What might he have known? Stuff about him, Jordan, Leia. Jesus. If Keith knew any of that, he was royally screwed. He glanced at the note folded up on his bedside table.

I have something that you want. But I'm not going to give it to you.

Why the hell did that keep on bothering him? Keith had nothing he would want, would ever want again. Keith had nothing to offer him.

Keith had nothing.

Keith was nothing.

Comforted by those thoughts, Brandon rolled over and attempted, again, to sleep.