Not The Sun - 11. Chapter Eleven: Consequences

11 ~Consequences~

Brandon got up the next morning, feeling a little bit weird about facing his parents. His dad would be gone to work, but his mom acted like nothing had changed... which was just how Brandon liked it.

At noon, Andrew came by to pick him up. They were going to meet up with Alexis and go to a paintball court where they usually hung out. Normally Leia would be with them, but that would never happen again and Brandon knew that. Maybe one day he could accept it. But he was glad what was left of their group was still willing to get together. He thought they all needed that.

Brandon was relieved to see that nothing much about paintball had changed for them. Andrew still nailed Alexis whenever the chance presented itself. And nailed Brandon plenty of times, as well. Andrew and Leia had always been great paintball players, Leia from the hours she spent playing sniper games on her X-Box and Andrew who was smart enough to find a high position and pick people off from there. Alexis wasn't a good player--she freaked out too easily and couldn't keep her cool, and Brandon figured paintball wasn't worth playing if you didn't get splattered from head to toe.

It hurt a little to be back there without Leia, but he still had a fun time. They all went out to get pizza afterwards, with paint still in their hair and on their faces.

"I wanted to let you guys know," Alexis said, licking tomato sauce off one finger, "that Ms. Regaldo has told me that we can pick up any items of Leia's that have some sentimental value... things of hers we might want to keep for memory's sake before she boxes them up."

"Why is she packing up Leia's stuff?" Brandon asked.

"I think she's moving," Alexis said. "That's what my Dad told me."

"Why?"'

"Well, why would she want to stay here?" Andrew pointed out. "It's where her daughter died; it probably has too many memories. Maybe she wants to go some place where she doesn't have to think about Leia all the time. Not to mention she's not exactly living peacefully right now. Everyone in town is talking about the fact that her daughter was possibly pregnant and committed suicide. It's not something she needs to deal with right now. Hell, I would want to leave, too, if I was in her position."

"Hmm," Brandon said. He had never considered Ms. Regaldo leaving; she had been there as long as he had. Where would she go? "Do you guys want to go over now?" he asked.

Alexis shook her head. "No way. I am not going over there all sweaty and dirty with paint on me. That just seems so disrespectful. How about this afternoon? I can meet you over there."

"Sounds good," Andrew said, glancing over at Brandon. Brandon nodded in agreement. "About four, huh?" Andrew suggested.

"Sure thing," Alexis said.

Brandon was insanely glad that they were going as a group. He didn't think he could handle it going solo. Alexis was waiting for them outside Leia's house. She looked nervous as well and Brandon smiled at her. She smiled back, looking marginally more relaxed. Brandon went up and knocked on the door.

Ms. Regaldo answered, looked them all over once before letting them inside, and Brandon was grateful to Alexis for insisting they all go home to shower and change first.

"Alexis said that we could stop by if there was anything we wanted to keep that belonged to Leia," Brandon said.

"Yeah." Ms. Regaldo blew out a stream of smoke. Brandon looked around at all the moving boxes, most of them already filled and taped up. "I'm saving her room for last, and the less stuff that I have to figure out what to do with, the better. I've already removed what I wish to keep. You guys go on up. You were her friends; I'm sure she would want you to have something to remember her by. Take whatever you want. There are boxes up there."

It felt sacrilegious to open the door to Leia's room, to set foot in there without seeing Leia sitting at the foot of her bed, playing her X-Box. "Let's go ahead and get this over with guys," Alexis said nervously. "It feels weird being in here."

Brandon couldn't agree more.

Brandon didn't take much from Leia's room. It felt too much like stealing and he didn't think it was totally appropriate for him to be doing this, despite the fact that Ms. Regaldo had sanctioned it. He had taken his meager box outside and stowed it in Alexis' car, then returned to help Alexis tote several boxes outside and fit them into her trunk.

"I probably didn't need to take so much stuff," Alexis said. "But it was Leia's, you know, and I hated the thought of it going to strangers or being thrown away."

"We know," Andrew said, pushing a box deeper into the trunk of Alexis' car, a cigarette he had stolen from Ms. Regaldo's pack hanging from his mouth. Andrew smoked rarely, usually when something was bothering him or he was trying to intimidate someone. Since there was no one around to intimidate, Brandon figured he liked this little outing as much as the rest of them. Andrew slammed the trunk shut and tossed the keys back to Alexis.

"What do you guys want to do?" Alexis asked once they were all seated in her car.

"Where are you going?" Brandon asked from the back.

"Home, probably, to raid the bar and get drunk," Alexis said. Her voice was soft and trembling. "This was harder than I bargained for. You guys want to join me?"

"Sounds good to me," Brandon said.

"Andrew?" Alexis asked.

"Sure thing."

Ten minutes later, they were at Alexis' house with their host already emptying out the bar. "What'll it be?" she asked them.

"Jim Beam," Andrew answered.

"Vodka. Grey Goose or Absolute if you have it," Brandon said.

"'Kay." She handed both of them a bottle and grabbed a bottle of Bacardi for herself. "Let's go on up to my room. I can't drink down here."

Brandon followed her up to her room. Alexis' room was plenty big, decorated in black, silver and purple. Brandon usually felt a little uncomfortable because there was always girly stuff just lying around everywhere, but Alexis must have cleaned up recently, because there were no bras or boxes of feminine hygiene products in view.

Alexis opened up a cabinet, got out a couple of cups and pulled some bottles of juice and Coke out of her refrigerator. "You guys can mix up whatever you want," Alexis said. "I don't really like drinking straight."

Brandon poured himself a shot of vodka, downed it and chased it with a drink of orange juice. Then he poured himself another shot. And another. He joined Alexis and Andrew spread out on the floor and drank away the bittersweet memories of Leia plaguing all of them.

Several hours later, he was getting out of a cab, clutching the box that had Leia's possessions in them to his chest. He pulled out a wad of cash from his pocket, counted out something that looked vaguely like it might match what the meter said and shoved it into the cab driver's hand. The cab driver drove away so Brandon guessed he gave him the right amount. He tucked the box more securely under his arm and tried to walk towards the house. It would be so much easier to do if the ground would just stop moving.

He pushed the door open and saw both of his parents standing in the doorway. He gave them his most winning smile.

Don't let them know how drunk you are, he told himself before promptly tripping over the threshold and dropping the box. He cursed and picked the box back up, sweeping in a couple of random items that had fallen out back inside the box and straightening back up. His mom crossed his arms. "Where have you been?"

"Um... at Alexis' house."

"What have you been doing?"

"Um..."

"I know you've been drinking. Don't lie to me."

"Why are you asking then?" Brandon asked.

"Don't get smart with me, young man," she snapped. His father put a hand on her shoulder and said something softly in her ear. She nodded.

"Go up to your room," his dad said. "We'll talk about this in the morning. But keep in mind that you're grounded until further notice."

"Right-o," Brandon said, walking past his parents and grabbing the banister before attempting his dizzying ascent up the stairs.

* * *

He opened his eyes, back on the couch in a long room that was vaguely familiar. A shiny piano sat at the other end of the room and Leia was already there, playing at the piano. He recognized the song from one of the video games she was fond of, but couldn't recognize which game it came from. It was soft and beautiful and it made his chest ache slightly.

She glanced up at him as he approached, but didn't cease her playing, didn't lift her fingers from the keys. "You're the only one who comes to this place," she said, her voice serene, almost like she was pleased.

"What is this place?" he asked, looking around. He wasn't sure how he or Leia ever got here, there were no doors. But somehow that didn't seem to be terribly important.

"The in between." Leia said. "I can get no closer to where I used to be."

"And where did you use to be?"

She turned her head and looked at him, still playing while a black tear ran down her face. "With you."

Brandon groaned and slapped at his alarm clock as it blared next to his ear. Christ, his head hurt. Why the fuck did he do this all the time? He sat up and rubbed his eyes. His head was pounding, his mouth tasted like something had crawled inside it and died, and his face felt sticky. He glanced at the cell phone lying in his lap and frowned. How the hell had that gotten there?

He was still in his clothes from yesterday, so he changed out of them into a clean pair of jeans and a T-shirt, then dragged himself into the bathroom and rinsed his face off.

His stomach clenched as he walked into the kitchen to see both of his parents sitting there. His dad was drinking coffee and reading the paper, his mom was sliding some pieces of bread into the toaster. Avoiding meeting their eyes, he shuffled to the coffee maker, poured himself a cup and sat down, staring into the mug. He heard his mom walk over and take a seat next to him.

"Brandon, we need to talk."

"Look, I'm sorry about last night," Brandon said. "It was dumb and irresponsible of me, and it won't happen again."

"I'm glad that you recognize that, but this has been an ongoing problem for the last couple of months," his dad said. "We've noticed the way that the alcohol in the house keeps disappearing, the way you spend more and more time away from the house and being unable to account for your whereabouts. There have been several incidents when you have been drunk inside the house, when you were supposed to be watching out for your sister. This behavior is unacceptable, Brandon, and it needs to stop."

"I know," Brandon said. He sighed and took a drink of his coffee. He had been through this song and dance before--just agree with whatever they say and be more careful.

"Honey," his mom interrupted, laying a cool hand over his own. Brandon pulled his hand away, wrapping both of them around his coffee cup. "We know you are having a lot of issues to deal with right now, with the passing of your friend and with your sexual preferences-"

"Mom!"

"All I'm saying, honey, is maybe that it would be a good idea for us to find someone for you to talk to."

"Like a shrink?" Brandon asked incredulously. Fuck that.

"No, not necessarily. Maybe someone like a counselor."

"No way."

"Brandon-"

"No," Brandon said firmly. "Look, I know I made a big mistake last night. And I swear I won't do it again. I won't touch another drop, I promise. Trust me."

His mom and dad exchanged a look.

"Where were you last night? Tell me the truth," his mom said.

"Alexis' house."

"Did she supply the alcohol?"

"Yes."

"Okay." His mom sighed. "Here is the deal. No alcohol what-so-ever. We have cleaned out the liquor cabinet so you can't find any here. You are not to go over to Alexis' house anymore, and if you start drinking again, even if it's once, you agree to go to counseling and A.A. meetings."

"A.A. meetings? Those are for alcoholics."

"It's for anyone who has a problem with alcohol. We're not going to let this continue."

"I'm too young for A.A."

"No you're not. And if we say you're going, then you're going. We're giving you the benefit of the doubt here. Don't disappoint us."

"I won't. I promise."

His mom smiled weakly. "Okay, baby. You're still grounded for the next week. Right back here after school."

Brandon frowned in defeat. "Okay."

He went back upstairs after that and went back to bed. He woke up again around midday, his cellphone ringing. He flipped it open, staring at the number with blurry eyes. "Hello?"

"Hello, little brother!"

"Sophie?"

"The one and only. I hope you are not just waking up. It's one o clock, for heaven's sake."

"I'm hung over."

"Uh-oh. Naughty, naughty."

"Why are you calling Sophie?"

"I called Mom and Dad yesterday. They told me that their only son is gay. And I said 'Cool. So am I; so now we have something in common. How about that?"

"I knew you were gay. Mom and Dad told me when I came out."

"Well please don't tell me you're freaked out. That would be very pot and kettle of you," Sophie said.

"I'm not freaked." Brandon pushed himself up into a sitting position. "Why are you calling me?"

"I wanted to see if you had any questions, maybe, or if you wanted to talk about it or anything. When I first started thinking about coming out to people, I felt like I was the only gay person in the world. I didn't have anyone to talk to. I don't want things to be like that for you. But if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to."

"I dunno. I'm still kinda getting used to the entire idea," Brandon admitted. He shifted on the bed until he was sitting on the edge of it. "How long did you know?"

"Ah... probably since about high school. I never did anything about it, though. We don't live in the most open minded town I have ever seen. It wasn't until I went away to college that I felt comfortable actually even acknowledging it."

"So do you have a girlfriend?"

"Yes."

Brandon was quiet for a minute, trying to picture Sophie with another girl. He couldn't do it. Wasn't sure if he wanted to. "So did anyone say anything about it?"

"Well, we get some funny looks... when we are holding hands or something. And we don't act too affectionate in public... She's not out to her family yet. I didn't tell Mom and Dad myself until last year."

"Why did you wait?"

"I wanted to be sure. I was terrified of telling Mom and Dad that I was dating another woman, but I hated having to lie to them more."

"I know the feeling," Brandon said.

"Well, lucky for us, they are pretty understanding. I have to go now, but I wanted to give you a quick call to let you know that I think you are ultra brave for telling them and that if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be here for you."

Brandon felt an unexpected swell of gratitude in his chest. He had never been close to Sophie the way he was to Kelly, but he appreciated the gesture all the same. "Thanks."

"You take care, Brandon."

"You, too."

Brandon hung up the phone and shook his head in disbelief. That was weird. He wondered if he needed to keep it secret from Kelly, the way Sophie had kept it a secret from him. He wondered why it had to be such a big fucking deal. He didn't want it to be. He didn't want to campaign for gay rights or wave a big rainbow flag or anything like that. He just wanted to be Brandon. And Brandon wanted to be with Jordan. It seemed so simple to him... Why wasn't it so simple to everyone else?

His cell phone buzzed again and it was Jordan. Brandon smiled and answered it. "Hey there, sexy," he said.

He heard Jordan's chuckle on the other end of the line.

"How are you?"

Brandon felt himself blush a little. "I'm all right, I guess." He didn't really want Jordan to know he got plastered the other night.

"What have you been up to?"

"I went to Leia's house."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Why did you do that?"

"Ms. Regaldo invited us. She wanted us... she wanted us to see if there was anything of Leia's that we wanted to keep."

"I see. And was there?"

"A few things. Alexis took most of it." That made a weird kind of sense to Brandon. Alexis was a girl and Leia was a girl, so maybe Alexis would get more use out of her girly stuff than he or Andrew would.

"Mmm," Jordan said. "I don't imagine that was very much fun for you."

"It wasn't."

Jordan remembered when he helped his brother go through some of his parents' belongings. He had gotten physically sick from the grief and Dylan had made him leave. "Do you want to come over?" Jordan asked.

"I can't. I'm grounded."

"For what?" Jordan sounded worried. "I didn't keep you out too late the other night or anything, did I?"

"No, it wasn't anything you did. I just... well, I did something pretty stupid yesterday and I got caught. It's no big deal, but I'm grounded for the next week."

"That sucks."

"Yeah." Brandon talked to him for a few more minutes, missing him more and more before finally hanging up. He stared at his phone and wished he wasn't grounded because he wanted nothing more than to go to Jordan, to see his smile and feel his hands on him. He finally got up from the bed, stretched and went to take a shower.

That evening he sat in his room. The small box with some of Leia's belongings in them was in his lap. He still felt weird about the few items he had taken. They were mostly things that reminded him of her: a leather bound copy of Grimm's Fairy Tales that he had given her for her birthday last year, a couple of mixed CD's that Leia had made and a stack of photographs. He had double checked with Ms. Regaldo to make sure it was okay to take those. He had also taken a studded belt that Leia frequently wore, although he doubted he would do the same. He just wanted to have something physical, tangible, that had memories connected to it that he could hold, smell, and touch. He held it now, wrapped it around his hand.

There was a knock at his door and he looked up. It was after six already. "Come in," he said. Jordan opened the door. Brandon smiled a little. "Hey."

"Hi."

"What are you doing here?"

"When I heard you went over to Leia's last night, I thought you might want to talk. I spoke to your Mom and she said I could come over for a little bit, as long as we didn't... do anything."

"Do anything?"

"Her words, not mine." Jordan nodded to the box. "Is that the stuff you took from Leia's house?"

"Yeah. Her mom is moving away, so if there was anything we wanted..." Brandon shrugged. "This is her belt. She wore it all the time, even before this kind of style became popular. See how worn it is?"

Jordan nodded. "What else did you take?"

"A book, some photos." Brandon reached into the box, pulled the pictures out. "This is one of the four of us at Myrtle Beach. We laughed because we were the palest people out there."

Jordan took it, looked at it. Brandon was there, next to Leia, who had on a pair of sunglasses and a black bikini, smiling at the camera. Alexis and Andrew were standing towards the back, Andrew looking at something off camera. Jordan hadn't known Leia well, but all of the times he had seen her, she had looked sad. The girl in this picture looked like a teenager, a happy one, hanging out on the beach with her friends.

"So, what's up?" Brandon finally asked, taking the picture back.

"I talked to Dalaja about the two of us strengthening our bond. She thinks it's a good idea."

"Oh really? Cool."

"But she also warned me that it can be a little dangerous. So she thinks we should have someone with experience there with us to make sure nothing goes wrong and to talk us through it."

"Well, we don't know anyone here, except for that other team. And they're not going to help us."

"I know that," Jordan gave him a teasing shove. "Dalaja and Nikki are flying out here next week."

"Here? Really?"

"Yeah. They wanted to come out anyway to help us find this other team, since I'm having such a difficult time, and while they are here, we can go ahead and do the connection. Sound good?"

"Sounds awesome. I can't wait to meet them."

Jordan grinned. "Be careful what you wish for."