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Twenty-Two Early Poems - 8. Appendix - the complete book
*warning: a few of the poems deal with suicide; and there is some plastic boobage showing in the video link*
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Thirty-Six Early Poems
written from
ages fourteen to nineteen
by AC Benus
Poem No. 1
Leave death alone,
for it shall take care of itself.
Concern yourself with life,
for there the sweetest pain lies.
There came upon the sea of despair
many false prophets
All proclaiming the glory of
themselves.
Believe them not, for the key
to God lies in your heart and
There alone, for God is love
and love is God, so remember
The key lies within your heart.
Poem No. 2
Haiku:
A ship sails over
the moon, gently and so free
on a sea of dreams.
Poem No. 3
Greatest Gift Given
The gift came with no bow
or in bright wrappings that tend to glow –
Or hid in brown paper
borrowed from a good, nearby neighbor.
It came plain as can be
sitting there for everyone to see –
Is there no sense of pride
for this gift given for you to abide?
Or maybe, just perhaps
this gift is not within mortal grasps –
Wide as an ocean
I think I will call it emotion.
Poem No. 4
Winter
The winds blow themselves across barren land,
a bleak concept for summer's ban –
it is winter's triumph to be so grand.
The time is not for summer sand
nor spring's sweet fan –
now is winter, see and feel it at hand.
Poem No. 5
Prayer
Energy surrounded by many a name,
ever changing, always the same –
Let me bask in your loving light,
and release me from the realm of fright.
Poem No. 6
Nature softly calling
Come, Come, Come,
To a place where She and Man are one
Come, Come, Come,
To a place where Nature and I are one
Come
To where lions sing and birds are purring
…Come, Come, Come…
Nature calls to me
…come…come…come…
Leave life behind, come with Me and be free
come
Poem No. 7
Une Rose
How wonderful is a rose
In such soft and gentle pose
Your beauty fills the air
With color bright and fair
You fill my heart with longing
For all things grateful and belonging
A rose to man is free
Like a butterfly or a bee
I wish I could release all my earthly woes
And be like a rose
Poem No. 8
Shadows Across the Soul
The shadows on the face of the clown,
are dark and deep, masking his smile.
The clown's rosy cheeks, so round,
are broken, scattered for a while.
The shadows spread far and wide
lurking in every crack of his features
Leaving no room for a sad soul to hide
making him look like a lonesome creature.
You are such a deceitful lie,
I tell myself the shadow can't be real,
And yet, you want to die,
letting nothing left to feel.
Poem No. 9
Sweet darkened blanket
in you can I find bliss
Sweet mindless oblivion
in calm outrageousness
Unrepentant images
painless happiness
Poem No. 10
Delusions
Sometimes when I'm alone
Just spending the day at home
I sit and dream of the day
When my children will come and say
"Papa, what was war?"
"What was it like when men would die
and mothers and children could only cry
to know that life no longer filled their lungs,
that the joy of being could no longer be sung?
"And what of hatred, Papa, do tell
could men really fall under its spell
could men under its lure be sane
to inflict such sorrow and pain?
Papa, what of war?"
Poem No. 11
Thoughts of words
I wish I could fill the page with words to an end,
A flowing stream, through eternity to send;
Through tragedy and sin, a thought to reclaim,
A finely flowing thing forever to blame.
Words stronger than a fortress to stand against time,
Phrases so grand, so lovely, tender – forever sublime.
Poem No. 12
My face will fall
and my hair will lay
my skin just fall away
leaving bones about the hall.
It is simple fate
but men deny
that it is human to die
as certain as hate
but, if these words stand
unchanged by time and mind
a piece of me will be left behind.
Poem No. 13
Love is an emotion
that's deep as an ocean,
as violent as a flood,
and cold as mud.
Poem No. 14
Through fine crimson,
thoughts appear of sweet stillness
to flow into my mind.
Through stillness, a swath of air
so light
calmly coming to bear
itself by night
breaks my thoughts of sweet
oblivion
Poem No. 15
La vie
I step alone into the dark
fearful of what seems so stark
Alone we all must enter
today or tomorrow, it all finds center
If only it wasn’t so dark
and hopelessly bleak from the start
Then hope would be given a chance to live
and I, perhaps, a chance to give.
Poem No. 16
Suicide
The darkened word, the terrible thought
it haunts me now to be sought
Such pain it holds, how upset am I
for what strange comfort seems by its side
The darkened thought, the terrible word
it visits me now; how strangely absurd.
Poem No. 17
Through a sullen window
a thought born of darkness’ glow
Has seen a million nameless hours
felt nothing for the countless souls it sours
Stillness creeps in the night
and falls into dust with the light
How many thoughts born in the dark
are progeny of stillness, bearing her birthmark?
Poem No. 18
The plateau of man’s dreams
is reached first by the heart,
next by the mind,
then by the hands,
and finally, by his feet.
It’s a long hard haul from
A man’s dreams to his
where he ultimately stands.
Poem No. 19
To judge something as an individual
is to ignore its potential as a whole.
Poem No. 20
Sweet surrender of a lunar teardrop,
falling softly, ever softly to Earth,
towards the remnants of its happiness.
Plop. Ripple, ripple. Then
gone with none the wiser.
Poem with No Name
Poem No. 21
Through fine crimson thoughts
an air of sweet stillness
flows into my mind
Through quietude, a shudder of air
so light
calmly comes to me to bare
itself by night
Breaking my thoughts of sweet
oblivion
Poem No. 22
Only things of confidence tend to stay
the brash and new fade to yesterday.
The merit of character needs be grand
for it through eternity to stand.
Poem No. 23
The world shrinks with my every heartless thought –
Soon I feel I will be alone
Standing in a knot.
Poem No. 24
“Romance”
The night is for “Romance”
Calm and sure in its stance
Forever to live in the night
Unimagined by human sight
The night remains for “Romance”
How can the mind comprehend
Phrases so lovely to bring hate to an end
The night is for romance’s glow –
The maestro lives for all who know
Poem No. 25
10 minutes to eat
4 hours to sleep
3 years to go
My School Life
Poem No. 26
Ashes
I looked down into my tea
And what do you think I happened to see?
Ashes, ashes in my tea.
They sit, they bob, they float and stare
They prance about and put on airs
Those ashes
Ashes in my tea.
The renewal of life, the hatred of death
Everyone sighs in deep regret
Except those ashes
Ashes in my tea.
Poem No. 27
I sloshed through the slush looking for a Raison –
A perfectly plum, sweet, Raison…
Smooth and tender, to warm against the cold
I struggle through, seeking the Raison of gold.
Poem No. 28
I wish I could fall into a sleep so deep
As to relinquish life's belief –
For mediocrity haunts me so.
I into a gentle spiral fall
Downward, as a leaf to Autumn's call –
Like my heartbeat, methodically slow.
Poem No. 29
The hypocrites' mandatory cry
I don’t know which is worse
the use of God's name being perversed
or fools, their soul to buy
The stamping of people in need
their only sin, being who they are
a mark to wear like a Nazi star
too tragic to think, yet we must heed
Soviet tanks poised in our mind
ready to destroy at any wince
with missiles there to convey the hints
that men be free wherever one's to find
Men destroying other men
for the name of a piece of land
which is as futile as a bound hand
only through life with each other do we understand
that this is not a game
or a huge cheap circus
it is our chance to give purpose
to who shall never see peace the same
Today I watched the evening news
to see what things were done
on Earth by people with guns
March 24th, 1987, how things fused.
Poem No. 30
What is it about the night?
Of its solidly abstract flavor
How can it hold me so
What is it about the night?
And what of the moon's flight?
Thrust like a new-born child
Cold and naked, humble and low
What is it about the night?
The sea of gloom that steals the light
And the hope of dreams with it
Help me, God; my mind wants to know
What is it about the night?
Goldberg Variations in the Night
Poem No. 31
What subtle fare
can be called a pear
Skin translucently light
flesh, yellow sweet and bright
Shiny sleek appearance do
a succulence lively new
Ode to a pear glossy and fair
what a glorious thing you are;
you creation of God, you known as a pear
Ode to a Pear
Poem No. 32
I saw two Christs on the street today
one was hungry, the other didn't say
On the big street they stand
mother with child in hand
No father to see
but it's not a fashion a father to be
"Something for the baby," one Christ called out
the voice was pitiful, without a doubt
It was pity I lacked, so with eyes bowed
I walked along, amidst my fellow crowd
It's a terrible thing we do to ourselves
this impulse to put other people on shelves
I saw two Christs on the street today
one was hungry, the other didn't say.
But I walked by them and went on my way.
Soul of Mine[1]
Poem No. 33
We enter this world naked and alone
and are expected to leave it
Clothed and befriended.
We come into the world naked and screaming
and are expected to leave it
Clothed and silently.
Naked and alone
naked and screaming
Clothed and befriended
clothed and silently
Is that all life can be reduced to?
Super Inn Heaven[2]
Poem No. 34
How do you inspire tea-flavored water –
How do you make it know the power of knowledge?
In a sense, it's meaningless slaughter
not to inspire tea-flavored water.
Poem No. 35
Ode to Hate
I hate hope
it's for the birds
I hate hope
in other words
Pass the rope.
Hope nullifies the mind
to love every new day
Which makes all very blind
to the pain that is April through May.
Look, there's no hope to find.
I hate hope
it's for the birds
I hate hope
in other words
Call the Pope.
Poem No. 36
Of sweetened gloom that wraps the trees,
Changing their cloak to fiery leaves,
Coldness plants his death-bearing seeds,
Which cling to life for his Mother's needs.
Sweet surrender of death, un-flowered,
That life's fiery spring hath sown,
His greatest fear to be left alone,
Thrust is he into the great unknown.
Of tremendous injustice done,
To one, to him, to all, to none,
To move for the new that has begun,
For all need the warmth of the newborn sun.
The new word
(For my friend, Saleh Abu-Gharbieh; I miss you)[3]
~
[1] Soul of Mine: this was inspired by an incident on Michigan Avenue in Chicago. One of our instructors in the Fine Arts Department, Rodney Winfield, organized quarterly trips for students to spend a weekend in Chicago and see the latest show at the Art Institute. (We attended the one on John Singer Sargent.) I went out that Friday night to walk to the Rookery and Sears Tower. On the way, I overheard two sailors being propositioned for a $10 –round of oral sex by a thin woman; they declined. Soon after, I saw the pair mentioned in this poem.
Incidentally, there is a slightly revised version of this poem dated "Oct. 22nd 1990 – 2 days after." I believe this is a reference to two days after having slept with my first man, Richard, an English professor at the University of Missouri Saint Louis (UMSL). I remember sending him a few of my poems, and this one specifically. About it, I told him the form and polish may be rough, but in my opinion I could come up with a more impactful concept. He did not reply.
[2] The title is a sardonic reference to the heavenly nightclub in the concluding scene of the 1983 Monty Python film The Meaning of Life.
[3] Original inscription from the time the poem was written to one of my dorm roommates who had transferred to school in Chicago.
_
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Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
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