My Chaotic Life - 7. Stages of Heaven

EDGE OF HEAVEN

I awake to the sound of rain
Drumming on the roof of my red convertible
A bottle of vodka rings in my head
The blonde that gave me this nightmare
Lying beside me on the seat

My eyes focus on the bottle of pills
Lying on the floor next to the accelerator
Ironically placed for an empty bottle once containing "E"
The euphoria of the drug had disappeared with the morning

My mouth is dry
My lips cracked and coated with some unknown substance
Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand
The memory of the previous night comes crashing back

The sex was rough and sweaty
Violence mixed with lust that could only be fulfilled
By the emptying of one's essence into a willing receptacle

I awake to the sound of rain
Drumming on the roof of my red convertible
The droplets rolling down the window
Matching the imaginary tears that fall down my cheeks

A pack of cigarettes rests on the dashboard
I grab one
And draw the dark harsh smoke deep into my lungs

Glancing over at the blonde sleeping beside me
My eyes run over the contour of his lithe body
Already I can see the beginnings of several bruises
Purple mixed with yellow against the pale skin of his back

In his sleep he moves slightly
I imagine him dreaming about the pleasures
Pleasures I introduced to him last night

I awake to the sound of rain
Drumming on the roof on my red convertible
The drumming matching the shallow heartbeat
Of the blonde lying beside me

I shove his legs off my lap
And casually touch the end of my cigarette against his bare leg
Gentle
Almost caressing
I use just the tip
This touch causes him to moan
And move a bit futher away from me

Images of us floats across my subconscious
Images that will cause him intense self-loathing
Flexing my arms above my head
I stretch
Wincing as pain shoots up my left arm

Looking at my arm I see deep scratches
Starting from my wrist and ending just below my armpit
Another memento from my endless night's searching

I awake to the sound of rain
Drumming on the roof of my red convertible
I awoke and remembered everything

CONVERSATION FROM THE EDGE OF HEAVEN

Shaking the blonde, I say, "Wake up, its time for you to go."
But there is no reply
Barely even a grunt
I smile and my face twists with disgust

I punch him hard in the ribs
And repeat, "Get up! You have to go."
Groaning, he opens his eyes slowly

I stare into his eys eagerly
Relishing the change I see
Last night they were perfect blue orbs
Today they are glazed and bloodshot

He ask, "Where am I?"
"The edge of heaven."
My grin now feral and harsh
"Now get the fuck out of my car."

For a moment he stares up at me
Confusion showing on his face in a range of emotion
I find him and his emotions quite pathetic

Reaching over his body, I open the car door
The rain rushes inside the car
Falling across his naked flesh

With one swift motion I push him from the car
He lands in the soft mud
His once pale body now blackened from the filth
And the bruises of our night of lust

"My clothes," He stammers out
Already shivering from the wind and the rain
Looking around the interior of my car
I spy my used boxers on the seat beside me
Grabbing them I throw them at his head
"Here"
And then I press the accelerator to the floor

The powerful V-8 engine caused the car to lurch forward
The car door slams shut
As I speed away into the morning storm
Leaving the boy crying and naked in the mud

Rain falls upon his battered body
And I wonder briefly how he'll make it home
But by the time I light another cigarette
The boy is forgotten
Fading into another blurred memory
In my long search to escape the edge of heaven

CRAZED NIGHTS ON THE EDGE OF HEAVEN

I arrive at the club after one AM
My blonde hair is loose about my shoulders
I had decided on a pair of faded brown leather pants
A sleeveless fitted T and y favorite pair of boots
I look something like a hunter searching for prey

As the bouncer eyes me up with a mischievous grin
I pay the twenty dollar cover charge
I dazzle him with a smile and enter the club laughing
It will take more than a nice body to get my attention
For tonight, I am looking for something epic

The club is dark giving off a facade of beauty and mystery
Rows upon rows of black lights litter the walls
And flashing lights and revolving strobes
Cause a never ending flashbulb affect that assaults the senses
And leaves you with an euphoric high long after the sun rises

Returning several smiles I casually stalk through the throng
Relishing the stares I receive by the many drunken inhabitants
I move gracefully eyeing up several promising candidates
With a smile that could only be described as feral
I wait for the twink behind the bar to notice me

Catching the bartender's eye I smile and nod my head
A smile that I know will get me moved to the front of the line
Ad he walks by again he makes sure to smile back at me
And he thrusts his cotton covered ass out for me to stare at
I grin and oblige him by giving it a thorough examination

He screams out to be heard over the music, "What'll be sweetie?"
Grinning, I answer loudly, "Any imported beer you have."
"None of that domestic shit for you," He says while flirting with me
He doesn't know just how true that statement really is
I was looking for something truly exotic this night

I turn my attention back to the mass of dancing flesh before me
Taunt bodies glistening under the lights to the pulsing beat of the music
Out there in that sea of bodies was the lucky boy
The one that would accompany me to the back room of the club
And beg me to ravish his body only to leave them wanting more

This obsession of dancing is one I never truly understood
I come to these clubs for one thing and one thing only
To find some poor unsuspecting boy and use him as a cum dumpster
And out of the hundreds of boys on the dance floor
Only two caught my attention and sent my imagination rolling

One was a barely twenty something with a body built for fucking
Narrow waist, toned muscular back with long legs
His brown hair, gelled and pushed forward, was damp with sweat
The only clothing to adorn his form was a pair of faded blue jeans
And stamped across his ass was a red star that reminded me of a bull's eye

The other was fellow blonde, his hair short and plastered down
He also wore blue jeans but had a long sleeve white shirt as well
I could see through the wet material to the tone body underneath
Blondie's muscles were straining to keep up the furious pace he set
The intensity on his face makes me ponder how far he'd go to please me

Both twinks would make the perfect bottom for me this night
And i wanted them both though for different reasons
The blonde looked more experienced moving around the floor
With a kind of confidence that only comes with sexual prowess
I feel like a kid in a candy store that must choose only one item

But Red Star looked to be shyer under the lights
Like this was something new but he was willing to experience it all
I gulp down another swallow of beer and watch both intently
Both were dancing with two average looking boys
And I notice that neither seems overly interested in their partners

I down the rest of my beer and hand off the bottle to some old queen
I grabbed his crotch and give it a small squeeze as a way of payment
And ignore his smile as I walked across the dance floor
I make my decision and keep my eyes intent on my prey
I choose Red Star, I guess I like the nervous look that creeps into his eyes

Hoping my instincts are right, I walk over to where he's dancing
I step between the two boys, my hand running down Red Star's chest
Stopping just shy of his faded blue jeans and look at his face
I catch my breath as I stare into the bluest eyes I've ever seen
Without realizing it we start moving together to the pulsing music

Up close Red Star is even sexier than I had first expected
He has high cheekbones and a narrow nose with thin lips
That looks absolutely soft yet firm at the same time
My hand creeps up to his neck and I pull him close
He returns my lustful gaze with a nervous smile

Red Star's arms snake around my waist as he gains confidence
He pushes himself tighter against e and I feel the heat from his body
I can smell traces of cologne of his body mixed with sweat
A fragrance that is all male and intoxication innocent
I continue my probing stare into those endless pools of blue

By now a thin layer of sweat covers my body
I feel it dripping down my chin and rolling down my chest
Tickling my stomach before being absorbed into my leather pants
Red Star's hands finds my ass and pulls me closer to his sweaty form
His other hand rakes across my back as we gyrate to the music

I know I made the right choice when I saw the unbridled lust in his eyes
With every thrust of my hips I could feel his cock grinding into me
With every rake across my back his is urging me to take him
I had him right where I wanted him, I only had to show him
So I show surprise when he leans in an presses his lips against mine

I have been kissed by numerous boys and know each one has a different style
Some hiss hard, their mouths open wide, almost inguling mine
While others are gentile, as if they are politely asking me for access
But his kiss was different like maybe it was his first time kissing a boy
Like his is trying it out, comparing this sensation to other experiences

Blusing deeply Red Star presses his lips hard into mine again
This time with the same urgency I feel in his caress
I grab Red Star's hand and drag him towards the stairs
This lead down into the backroom of the club
I am surprised when he comes along willingly, almost urgently

As we descend into the semi-darkness of the backroom
I can see men all around us in various states of undress
Some of these men were sucking and some were even fucking
But all were moaning in pleasure as they searched for a quick release
I notice Red Star's eyes widen at the sight of so many men having sex

He grabs my hand tighter and continues walking further into this orgy
Finding an empty space against the wall I push him against it
I devour his mouth hungrily, invading the space with my tongue
I caress his chest roughly, pinching his nipples until they are red
I continue to kiss him even as I lose myself in the impending release

Turning him around I press his face into the wall
Even as I bite and suck on the flesh of his neck
I fumble with the button of his pants as he reaches for my cock
Ripping down his pants, I grin when the whiter flesh comes into view
I growl loudly at the sight before me and lust takes over

With one hand I stroke his cock as my other hand opens my pants
Without bothering to waste time by pulling them all the way down
I pull out my cock and press it against his trembling flesh
Rubbing along his crack I tease him, waiting for him to beg
All rational thought burns away in the aftermath of his scream

Biting his neck hard enough to leave marks on his tanned skin
I slam myself deep inside him not stopping until I can go no further
Crying out in pain mixed with pleasure he pushes back against me
His hands and arms holding himself upright away from the wall
With every thrust he clenches down causing me to push wildly into him

By now both of us are grunting as we lose ourselves into the moment
My shirt clings to my back ass I concentrate on the vice around my cock
Leaning my head on Red Star's back I reach around and grab him
Finding the natural rhythm of our bodies I know it won't be much longer
He is the ultimate bottom, wriggling around as I jab into him

Clenching his muscles tightly each time I withdrawal
He meets each of my thrusts with wild abandonment
I feel something wet on my hand as Red Star yells out
His seed exploding all over the wall before us
Bringing my hand to his lips he cleans them as I fuck him

Feeling the familiar tightening I push inside him as far as I can
And moan as the sensation shoots from my groin and into his body
Resting my head against his back I try to recover my breath
He turns his head around and tries to kiss me again
But I push his head away even as I hear clapping around us

I look around and notice several guys had gathered around us watching
I could tell some of them are hoping for their turn of our frenzied fucking
Grabbing a shirt out of the hands of one of the bystanders
I pull out and wipe my cock off on the shirt before zipping up
Giving the shirt back I make my way up the stairs and out to the street

The memory of Red Star fades as I open the door and speed away into the night
By the time I arrive back home I will have forgotten the entire encounter
My mind already focusing on the next twink, the next anonymous fuck
He'll be another blurry memory to go along with the memory of him
Just a usual night in a string of nights that makes up my life