The Weigh Down - 6. Chapter 5

Hawaii has been insane, I love it here. The flight wasn’t that bad either, I spent some time with Gavin. The weirdest thing happened well besides the paparazzi showing up places was the fact Xander took up with Joe instantly it’s hilarious watching them too get along so well. I have also got to spend some time with Joe, it’s been nice having my twin again.

Nico didn’t want us to come on this trip without him, but Gavin argued his case with Clint, and he agreed. We had Jane, and Oli here with us we didn’t need Nico. Plus, after the whole fiasco with me Gavin didn’t want him near me at all.

I hear a knock at my door and it’s Joe, “Brotha.” He says.

“Joseph” I say back.

“So, Xan and I are about to go out for the evening.” He says smirking.

I roll my eyes, “I know that.”

“Well, did you know Jane and Oli are accompanying us?” He says with a smirk.

I raise my eyebrow at him, “Okay, and what has that got to do with anything?”

“Well, I am glad you asked. Cause you and a certain hot celebrity will be here in the house all alone.” He says wagging his eyebrows.

I roll my eyes, “Shut the hell up Joe. He probably doesn’t like me like that.”

He scoffs, “Did you see the way he was acting at the airport to block your face from the paparazzi.”

“No more than you did for Xander.” I point out.

“Xander is a kid you aren’t.” He says.

“He doesn’t like me like that Joe. Besides, it could never happen with me and him. I am a sex worker and he is a celebrity.”

“Josh, I love you, but dude you are so damn dense. The way that boy looks at you says he has it really bad for you. When you talk he damn sure pays attention and hangs on every word you say. He likes you man.”

“He’s just nice.”

Joe rolls his eyes at me. “He gets into the hot tub in like an hour FYI.”

I laugh, “Whatever, have fun and be safe.” I tell him.

We are staying in Gavin’s house. It has access to the private beach so that had its advantages like me being able to see Gavin shirtless and no paparazzi around at all. It was cool seeing Jane, and Oli relaxing a bit too.

My phone rings and Taylor’s name flashing on my screen I hit accept. “Hey Taylor.”

“Hey, Josh….” He says with a hesitation in his voice.

“Is everything okay?”

“No, not really. A reporter came by the house today.”

I lean against the headboard. “Fuck, what happened, do they know what the house is used for?”

“No Josh. My actual house!” Taylor says a bit more frustrated.

“Wait, like home? How did they find that? Why would they ask for me?”

“They found your old high school, and my address was on a paper they got from the school. My guess is they paid someone to get the address.”

“I am so sorry Taylor, what did they want?” I ask getting off the bed and starting to pace in the room.

“They know who you are Josh. They produced a picture of you and Gavin in Hawaii.”

I gulp, “Do you they know about Joe?”

“I don’t think so. There is more bad news.”

“Okay, …what’s that?” I ask.

“I had to close the workhouse for a little while. They asked about that address asking if you lived there or not. Josh, I didn’t want to do this, but I can’t have you working for me anymore.”

I stop pacing and sit on the edge of the bed, “Are you firing me?”

I don’t hear anything for what seems like for forever. “Yes.”

“Taylor, please don’t do this.” I beg.

“Josh, please don’t beg. I have to do this, I have everyone at the house to worry about their identities.”

“Taylor….” I say trying to stop the wavering in my voice.

“I’m sorry Josh, but I have to let you go.”

“What am I supposed to do.” I ask as my voice cracks.

“Anything you put your mind to Joshua. You are so damn smart, you shouldn’t be doing this anyway.”

“Fuck!” I say in disbelief trying to hold back the tears.

“I am still going to pay you your vacation hours.”

“Taylor….Am…. I…. are you…are you going to…fuck!” I say trying to catch my breath.

“Josh, am I what?” He asks.

“Are you going to not want to see me anymore?” I ask. As soon as I feel my stomach drop, I want to puke.

Taylor answers right away but those few seconds seems like an eternity. “Of course, baby boy. Joshua, you are like a son to me. I would never turn my back on you. I tell you what how about every Sunday we have dinner the wife would love that. You are like are son Joshua we love you so much and we want to see you succeed in life.”

“Okay…I gotta go Taylor.”

“Okay Baby boy. Call me when you get back.”

“Okay.” I tell him and hang up the phone.

Tossing the phone on to the bed, I don’t know how to feel. I’m so used to not letting things bother me this much, but it feels like I was punched in the gut. I had to get off the phone with him because I didn’t want to breakdown and feel like a weak kid to him.

Making my way to the door I open it hoping that Joe hasn’t left yet. I stop by his room and it’s empty. I scratch my head and realize that it’s only me and Gavin left in the house. I look out the bay windows and I can see the silhouette of Gavin in the hot tub. I wished I had my phone to take a picture it looks like something out of a magazine. The sunset behind him is beautiful, I make my way out to the patio and slide the glass door closed behind me.

“Hey.” Gavin says looking over at me.

“Hey…” I say flipping my sandals off and sitting on the edge of the hot tub putting my feet in. “Did I interrupt your alone time?”

He moves to face me and shakes his head. “Not at all. I am actually glad you came out.”

I scrunch my nose, “Why?”

He shrugs, “I haven’t gotten to see you, or spend any time with you.”

I am so glad it’s a bit dark out, so he couldn’t see my blush. “Yeah, it’s been a crazy few days.”

“I mean, I am not complaining. It has been fantastic, also I am a bit shocked how much Xander has taken up to Joe of all people.”

I laugh, “yeah who would have ever thought that?”

Gavin doesn’t answer at first, he just stares at me, he reaches over and hits a button on the raised part of the patio. The hot tub lights up, and soft lights come on around the patio. “It’s really pretty out here.” I say taking it all in.

“I think the view is better from where I am sitting.” He says his voice all husky.

I snap my attention back to him, “but it’s just me.”

He smirks and moves right in front of me, “it’s amazing how you don’t realize how fucking beautiful you are.”

I bite my lip trying not to smile so hard. “I’m not the model. Besides, I am nothing compared to you or people I have seen you do shoots with.”

He lets out a low sigh, “They aren’t real like you.” He says and runs a hand up my leg, and I can feel my cock starting to stir in my gym shorts.

“I’m a mess.” I tell him trying to ignore the fact I want to jump in a kiss his full lips.

“Join me.” He says looking at me intently.

“I…my bathing suit is in my room.” I tell say shyly.

Before I can react, he grabs my hands and pulls me fully clothed into the hot tub. “Gavin!” I yell.

He doesn’t say anything, and I realize he is less than an inch from me. He looks at me smiling, he moves his hands cupping my face and he moves in laying the softest kiss on my lips. I open my mouth and he slowly slips his tongue in and I kiss him back as I fight his tongue with mine. He tastes like berries. He kisses me with a little more force almost as if he can’t get enough of me.

I push him back and he is forced to sit on one of the ledges in the tub, I straddle him never breaking the kiss. I can feel he is rock hard underneath me and this makes me smile more. Can he really be hard from kissing me? I break the kiss and look down at Gavin, his eyes are pleading with me as he bites his lip. I pull my soaking wet shirt off and toss it off and onto the deck.

Gavin rakes his eyes over my bare torso and leans in and kisses the middle of my chest. I let out a soft moan and run my hands through his hair. I straddle his lap again, I can feel that he is fully hard underneath me. I move back and forth as we kiss he moans into me. “That feels so good.” He moans. I move harder and he groans.

               

(Gavin’s POV)

 

I am kissing Josh when the orgasm hits me, I moan into his mouth as he continues to grind on me. I push him off and get out of the hot tub. Fuck I cannot believe that just happened, I can’t believe I fucking came by him just grinding on me. I finally make it to my room, I shut my door and yank off the boardshorts. I wipe myself off with the outside of the shorts and grab a towel from the bathroom when I hear a knock on my door.

“Gavin, you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I say trying to keep calm.

“Can I come in?” Josh asks.

 

“I said I’m fine.” I yell

The door opens, and Josh comes is shutting the door carefully “You don’t seem fine.”

I have my back to him, making sure the towel is secured around my waist. “Well, I am.”

“What happened out there? Did you cum?” He asks and there is no sarcasm in his voice.

I finally turn to face him, “Yeah…I did.”

His eyebrows shoot up, “that’s okay it was intense.”

I sit on my bed and run my hands through my hair. “It was embarrassing.”

Josh laughs, “No it isn’t embarrassing is getting caught jerking off to a picture in a shared bedroom.”

“You mean the one of me when Joe found out you were gay?” I ask.

Josh’s mouth falls open and stares at me, “you know?”

I can tell he is getting upset. I get off the bed and grab his hand, “Yeah I know. Joe let it slip when you were in the hospital. It wasn’t malicious or anything he was just worried and said he wished he wouldn’t have said anything. If it makes you feel any better, I was flattered.”

He kind of smirks. “I don’t know what to say.”

I shrug, “Nothing to say, just don’t be pissed at Joe.”

“Why did you bolt from the tub?” he asks.

“I was ashamed I came from you grinding on me.” I tell him.

He gives me a doubtful look, “Gavin, so what we were in the heat of the moment everyone has that happen to them. It’s not like it happens every time you do it.”

“I’ve never done it.” I tell him.

“There’s a first time for everything man.” He says shrugging.

I shake my head he doesn’t get it. “Josh, you don’t get it. I have never done IT.” I tell him.

“Wait, you mean you’re a virgin?” He says laughing.

I throw my hands up letting his hand go, “is that hard to believe?”

He looks me up and down with his eyes, and he unconsciously licks his lips. “I mean have you seen you? Your abs look like they were chiseled onto your body. Plus, I heard Jane say something about having so many NDAs being done for you.”

I roll my eyes, “Jane says that shit, so people don’t ask questions about my sexuality. Yeah, I have had people sign them, but we end up just chilling or watching a movie. I have kissed a few people but that’s about it. With my status I have had to be careful, I don’t want my nudes on the internet like the other social media boys or end up being blackmailed.”

“I just assumed you would be having a ton of sex. I didn’t think it would be that complicated.” Josh says leaning against the door frame.

I make sure the towel is secured before I move towards him and place a hand on his bare chest. “There is a lot about my life that I don’t make public.”

He moves closer to me and I can feel the heat off of his body, “Like the fact you go into gay chat rooms, or that you have never had sex?”

I look at his lips as I lean in closer to him. “Yeah, that’s a few of them.”

Josh leans in and kisses me slowly. I run my free hand through his wet hair this kiss is different it isn’t fevered like the make-out session we had in the hot tub. It’s slow and soft, he finally breaks the kiss and he is blushing. “Sorry, I just couldn’t help it.”

I laugh, “Are you always this bold?”

He shakes his head. “Not at all. I don’t know why I am acting so bold with you, I guess when it comes to sexual tension and kissing I am all for it. Anything else I kind of just stand in the background, that’s Joe’s thing he has the personality for that stuff.”

“So you’re saying that you are shy unless it’s making out then?”

He shrugs, “No. I don’t know maybe. I am just comfortable with sexual things because of what I did.”

I cock my head trying to understand, “What do you mean did?”

“I meant what I do.” He says stumbling on his words backing away from me.

“No, don’t do that. You can’t just go from being all open to suddenly shutting down and not wanting to talk to me about something.”

“It’s nothing.” He snaps.

“Josh, are you fucking serious right now?”

“Gavin you wouldn’t fucking understand!” He says getting upset.

Just when I thought his defenses were lowering there they are higher than ever now. “No, Gavin I probably don’t but it doesn’t mean I can’t listen. You aren’t doing the cam model stuff anymore are you?”

He lets out a breath. “No.” he says almost in a whisper.

“What happened?” I ask.

“I need to change clothes first before we start this.” He tells me.

I walk over to my dresser and open it to see the extra gym shorts and toss them to him. “Here just throw these on.”

He snatches the shorts from the air. He goes to my bathroom and shuts the door, I from a little bit I kind of wanted to see him naked. I grab a pair of Calvin boxer briefs and slip them on before he comes out of the bathroom. I look at how the gym shorts fit him, and they look amazing, I can also feel his eyes look me up and down.

“So you wanna tell me what happened?”

He lets out a sigh and sits on the bed folding his legs underneath him. I sit beside him looking over and he looks like he wants to run out of the room. He talks a gulp of air, “Taylor fired me.”

“What? Why?” I ask.

“He had to let me go because there were a few reports coming around asking about me. He couldn’t jeopardize the other models’ identities because of me and my new-found popularity I guess you could say. Just sucks because this was the only job I know that I am good at, I have always been good with this and I liked it.” He says blushing not looking me in the eye.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that being around me would cost you your job. Josh, you are probably good at a million other things you just don’t know yet. I have to know did you and Taylor sleep together?”

He laughs, “No! That is gross Taylor is like a father to me, besides he is married and has a kid. He took me in when I had nowhere to go.”

“Work for my dad. He owes you anyway it’s our fault you lost your job.” I blurt out. This is all true but to be honest I want him to work there because that would give me a reason to see him more.

He shrugs his shoulder, “I don’t know.” He says.

“Wait why don’t you know?”

“Because it’s in Denver Colorado! What am I supposed to do up and move there…what about Joe he is still in College and we don’t want to be separated.” He says in a high-strung voice.

“Josh, you will have a place to stay my dad owns condos, and Joe can stay, or he can come with you and transfer to the college in Denver. Why not think about it? Have you talked to Joe about this?” I ask turning my body towards him.

“I haven’t even told Joe this yet, we’ve just been so good. I can’t ask him to uproot his life.”

I can’t help but roll my eyes, “Dude he loves you. You are his freaking twin he will do whatever he has to, to keep you and him close.”

He tenses, and looks at me screwing up his face, “you don’t know anything about what he wants and neither do I, Gavin. You don’t know the position I am in, because you have never been in it. You have never been poor, homeless, starving and doing shit that still fucks up my head to just survive. So don’t sit there and act like all this is just some snap of the fingers easy decision because it isn’t and I don’t know if I can get you to understand that, because when we go home you can go back to your famous life and not have to worry about what you are going to for a job because you post one picture and you get so much money.” He snaps at me getting off the bed.

I pop off the bed and grab his wrist spinning him around, “Don’t you ever fucking think my life is easy! Sure, being famous seems so fucking glamorous on the outside cause you see pictures and shit of me but it fucking sucks! I have to watch what I eat, what I wear, what I say, oh and who I fucking like. Yeah, I may be able to post one picture or YouTube video and get money off of it, but they are all fucking planned. Most of my life is fucking planned down to my boxers and my fucking socks. If I post a picture with a brand that I am not supposed to promote that day I could lose my sponsorship with another brand and if they are partnered with another I could lose that one as well. One night I may be in Paris, but then I need to be in California, then off to New York. I may not get any sleep but fuck it that’s what makeup is for as long as I walk down a runway or I could be in a meeting. So no matter what is going on in my life I have to be there. Yes, I know how incredibly lucky I am to be in this position and I know not a lot of people get to be in this position. Honestly tell me what part of my life is easy?”

He looks me in my eyes and down to my hand and back to me. “Let go.” He says with no emotion in his voice.

I let go and back up from him. I don’t like how he is acting right now. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want you to leave.” I hang my head knowing I probably just fucked everything up.

He grabs my hand, and I look back at him. “How many more times are you going to say fuck?”

I blush, “it just feels good to say it.”

Josh leads me to my bed, and I follow him I don’t ask questions. He lays on his back and pulls me into his side. I lay my head on his shoulder my heart beating a million miles an hour, and all I can do is hope to god I don’t get hard laying next to him, I can feel the heat radiating off of his skin. I start tracing random patterns on his chest and he laughs.

“What?” I ask stopping the tracing.

“Don’t stop, it tickled at first.” I resume tracing patterns on him and getting used to the rhythm of his breathing. “I didn’t realize how insane your life can get.”

“Don’t get me started on fashion week. It is literally fucking hell.”

We don’t really talk about anything for a while until I look up and he is sleeping I smile because he looks so peaceful and not this stressed and walled off person that he always is. I leave my head on his shoulder and I look at him and realize how comfortable I am. It’s like I don’t want to be anywhere else but with him in my bed right now.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel a light tapping on my shoulder. “Huh?” I mumble.

“I really gotta pee.” Josh says smiling.

“Oh shit, I guess we fell asleep huh?” I ask.

He laughs, “Yeah it’s 7 am. So how about moving so I can go pee?”

“Fuck, sorry,” I say moving off of him so he can go pee. I sit up in bed waiting for him to come out. He finally does running his hair through his hands as he comes out of the bathroom. I get off the bed to go pee, when I get out of the bathroom Josh is sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I need coffee.” He says.

“I am sure Jane is up and has breakfast, and I know damn well she will have a pot of coffee on.”

We walk out of the room, and sure enough, Jane is sitting at the counter with donuts and a pot of coffee on and glasses for OJ. I take a seat next to her as Josh makes his way to the coffee pot and pours himself some coffee and leans against the counter to blow on it looking up from his cup at me. I can't help but blush that he caught me staring again. I look him over he looks so sexy with no shirt and in my shorts. I look over at Jane as I grab a donut and she cocks an eyebrow and I give her a scowl.

Jane eyes Josh and back to me with a questioning look. I pull a face and shake my head, I don’t know why but she looks relieved. I give her a questioning look, and she mouths later. “You don’t need any creamer?” Jane asks Josh.

He finally looks up, “Uh. No Thank you though.”

I hear the padding of light footsteps and I know it must be Xander. I want to ask him how the night out went. I grab a glass and pour some OJ and grab another donut and look over as Xander sits next to me. I do a double take at my little brother, he cut his long hair off. “Xander your hair?” I running my hand through his messy hair that is sticking up every which way. It’s not short but not long anymore.

“Do you like it?” He asks getting off the stool and grabbing a cup of coffee. Xander leans into Josh, “I told Joe I thought about doing it and he said I should so I did.”

I look at Josh whose body as gone rigid as Xander has leaned into him and face is screaming help me out here. I can’t help but smile and cough to try to hide it I look over at Jane and she is hiding her smile behind her cup of coffee.

Joe walks out of the hall yawning and stops looking at the scene in the kitchen. “Xander dude, you do realize that’s Josh right.”

Xander’s mouth drops and he looks up at Josh who nods. “That’s not fair.” He says moving away from Josh and sitting on the stool next to me.

I can’t help but crack up laughing and so does Jane even the Twins are laughing. Xander rolls his eyes and snags a donut. “Sorry, Xander.” Josh says.

“You should have told me.” He says.

“Dude it’s fine. I have made that mistake so many times.”

“Even our aunt makes the mistake,” Joe says grabbing a cup of coffee and leans on the counter next to Josh.

All three of us at the bar look at the two of them as they fall into synch with each other drinking their coffee. They are leaning the same with their right ankle crossing the left, and even holding the coffee in the same hand. “That’s freaky.” Xander says.

“It is weird but fascinating.” Jane says.

“What?” Joe asks.

“The two of you together are like the same.” I tell him.

Josh just rolls his eyes, “So you talked Xander into a haircut?”

Joe straightens up, “I mean, he said he wanted a trim and I said why not more than that and he said he didn’t know if he would look get with one. I said he shouldn’t hide behind his hair so much.”

“I wanted something different I was just scared to actually do it. Joe gently pushed me to make the change that I wanted. He said he would help me style it and he helped me realize a lot.” Xander says to Josh giving him a stern look.

Josh raises his hand, “I just wanted to make sure it’s what you wanted.”

“Well, why else would it have been done.” Xander says.

“Well Joe was right, it looks really good.” Josh says smiling at him.

I can visibly see Xander relax. I pat his shoulder, “I’m jealous I may get that haircut.” I tell him.

He rolls his eyes at me. “I want to do my first interview.”

I choke on my orange juice. “You what?”

“I want to finally do my first interview and photo shoot.” He says taking a bite out of a donut as if this was just casual.

I look up at Joe, “What did you do to him?” I accuse.

“Oh my god, do any of you just trust me? Jane was there I didn’t do shit. Xander talked to me until late last night about his anxiety and the public and growing up in a famous family. How there have always been so many people wanting him to do a photo shoot or an interview, but he always felt forced and that has scared him and it triggers his anxiety. I asked if he ever wanted to do a photoshoot he said yes.” Joe says but Xander interrupts him.

“He’s telling the truth. I have wanted to do a photoshoot and an interview just always felt pressured. So, Joe said why don’t I do it on my terms….as in I pick a photographer and I set the questions for the interview and the second I feel uncomfortable, or I feel my anxiety triggering I stop it and walk away from it.”

I look at Joe, and then back to Xander. I was honestly happy about this we have been trying to get him to do the interview or a photo shoot or something for the longest time. We figured if we did the paparazzi would back off him and stop bombarding him if he made a public appearance granted I knew it wouldn’t stop them but it may taper it down where it wasn’t so intense. “So, when would you want to do this?”

He shrugs his shoulder, “guess when we get back home.” He says taking a bite out of a donut.

“Do you have a person in mind that you want to do a photoshoot with?” I ask.

“Yeah.” He says nonchalantly.

I look to Joe who just grins and Josh who is watching the whole scene with an unreadable expression. “So who would that be then?” I ask.

“Oh, you want to know like right now?”

Everyone laughs, “well yeah so we can get it all lined up, NDAs signed and all.” Jane says.

Xander blushes and pulls out his phone. “I want him to do it.” He says showing me a photo from a shoot a did almost a year ago.

“You want Darren to do the shoot?” I ask in genuine shock. “You know his photos are more grungy style and most of the guys do it shirtless or more revealing of course no nudity.

“Yes. What you don’t think I would look good shirtless?” He asks pointing to his bare torso.

“Of course you look good, after all, you are related to me. Ok so I can call him up if he is free do you want to do this the day after we get home that way if you want to change your mind you can. “ I tell him.

He nods his head and looks to Joe, “Will you be there?”

“Uh…yeah of course dude.” He says giving him a reassuring smile.

“I am going to get dressed and make the call.” I say getting off the stool.

Josh follows me back into the room. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” I say shortly.

He grabs my arm and pulls me to face him, “Your lying Gavin. You're jealous about Xander and Joe being close.”

“Just I haven’t been able to convince him to do this anytime and in one-night Joe does?”

Josh laughs at me, “dude, you can’t even see it can you? You are his big brother you are also a model and all these other things. None of this is a big deal for you, but for Xander it is.”

“You don’t think I know this!” I spit out.

“I know you do, but he also probably feels like he has to live up to your expectations. I know that for a fact because I feel like that with Joe. I don’t feel that with you, and he probably doesn’t feel like it around Joe plus Joe is super charismatic not saying you are it’s just different when it’s not family. You know Xander has anxiety, but do you know what triggers it?” He asks.

I shake my head, “No, because he has never told me.”

“You expect him to tell you, but have you ever asked him?”

“No.” I say.

“I have never told Joe a lot of things, but also he hasn’t asked. We all assume someone will ask and no one is willing to give that information away because we think it will be shrugged off or someone will say don’t worry about things, or you worry too much.”

“Fuck, I’ve told him that before.” I admit.

“Exactly, so he may not be comfortable talking to you about his triggers. Joe has said things like that and I feel like I am being dramatic if I say things about my feelings.”

I hang my head, “I am a fucking terrible brother.”

Josh laughs, “no you aren’t. You are an amazing brother but sometimes we need someone with an outside perspective to listen to us.”

“So I shouldn’t be jealous?”

“Ha, no way not of Joe at all. Xander loves you and you are like a hero to him. He just doesn’t talk about these things in fear of disappointment.”

“I would never though.”

Josh shakes his head, “I know but it doesn’t work like that for someone who has anxiety.”

I pull him into a hug, “You are an amazing human you know, that right?”