Heart - 20. About A Month

It was strange to be the one sitting sadly on the swinging sofa in the pretty courtyard while Vladimir came out to find him. What a reversal that was.

"Tyson!" Vladimir was cheerful, probably still with spirit soared by the morning kiss they'd shared. "Tys?" He sat down next to the other boy's feet and his gleaming eyes grew solemn. "You're not happy. What's the matter?"

Tyson wasn't sure he wanted to tell Vladimir that any hope they'd had of keeping in touch after this nightmare ended was all but lost. The entire time he'd been here, he'd struggled to find a point to participate in his treatment. Between Cynthia's care and understanding, Masha's unconditional nurturing and Vladimir's love, he was determined to see things through. He still thought about hurting himself, of course. The urge was always there, but it wasn't what he wanted. Even now, when Kelly had snuffed out the fires of hope with her skinny arse, he wasn't ready to give up.

If Dad thinks I'm just gonna go overseas now that I've found something worth living for, then he can bloody well think again. If Mum won't stand up to him, then she can bloody well go fuck herself.

But what about Kelly? She was blasé at best about the plans to move him out of sight for good. She was coming to visit, she said, and he hoped she would help him out. When he called her, she was the contingency plan. Now, she was the only plan.

Fuck, I have to be careful.

"Tyson??" Vladimir shook him, and Tyson realised he'd completely zoned out.

"Hello," he smiled, though he was feeling completely dead inside. "You're sexy."

"You're looking super sexy yourself! You got all dressed up! Do you have a visitor coming?" Vladimir rested his chin on Tyson's drawn knees, close to his face.

"I don't. I just thought I want you to see me in nice clothes for a change."

Tyson shrugged. It wasn't entirely true - he'd been hoping Kelly would visit today, and he wanted to look the way she would remember him. If he knew his sister, and he was sure he did, she would react poorly if he looked like some common waif. Indeed, he was never allowed to roam the house barefoot or wearing a tracksuit unless he was working out or going to bed.

"Why are you so sad today?" Vladimir asked him again.

"It doesn't matter, Radimir."

"Okay. But you can talk to me whenever you like, okay?"

Tyson nodded, but he didn't have much more to say. For a while they sat there in silence, and that was good enough. He was so calming to be around.

"How's the loud bitch who always sings at you?" Tyson asked Vladimir when he realised that the boy was beginning to hum.

"Hmm? Nobody's there. I literally just have a song stuck in my head."

Tyson laughed out loud. It was nice to see him getting better. Slowly but surely. Vladimir took his hand and rubbed his palm with his thumb. He was very affectionate, and Tyson was growing more attached by the day. The future without him was really going to suck.

"Look... I'm gonna be going away for a long time after this," Tyson decided he'd be candid. Vladimir's face snapped around, full of confusion and horror. "Chase thinks I'm a liability, so he's shipping me off to family in Sri Lanka when I get discharged. I thought you should know."

"What? Who told you this?"

"Kelly did. My sister. I rang her up and asked her to come and visit, and she told me everything. Mum's not allowed to come and see me anymore. My dad's finally cracked it with me, I guess."

"Fuck that guy!" Vladimir was furious enough to punch the sofa. "Why doesn't your mum tell him no? Why does she put up with him?"

"Because she's a spineless, self-hating piece of human garbage. You already knew that though," Tyson's voice was grim. He didn't cry, though. He'd already used up all of today's quota in tears and likely a considerable chunk of tomorrow's.

"He can't make you do that. Make your mum change her mind! You're her kid too!"

"You remember who my mum is, don't you? She hates my guts, Vladdle. If Chase weren't getting rid of me, she'd make my life even more miserable than she already has when I got home. I can't change her mind. I'd have better luck putting out the sun by pissing on it."

"Then come and live with me!" Vladimir was weeping this time. "My mum would take you in! I know she would!"

"...I'd love that, but you know my mum would have yours up on a kidnapping charge for the fun of it."

"Then tell Cynthia! It can't be legal! She won't let them take you away!"

"The legal system can't do shit for me because my dad's a respected politician, my mum's given Kelly and me every advantage in the world, and I'm just an ungrateful kid who's been locked away in a crazy house for ages. They have teams of lawyers for every occasion and an unimpeachable record..."

Tyson trailed off. He heard his words and they sounded strange to him. Unimpeachable record. They weren't inaccurate, but they were... misleading, perhaps? It was true; thanks to a fortune in the bank, the best lawyers in the country and formidable reputation, Chase Lovett and Edith Belmont-Lovett were squeaky clean in the eyes of the courts. But the courts were blind, deaf and dumb, so ruled by red tape and so easily bullied that Chase could bend and break whatever petty laws he needed to so he could secure his campaign. People were inspired by his strength or terrified of his political ruthlessness, and that created a lot of influence. They made excuses for him because he was an upstanding citizen - his wife and children were storybook successes. It was because of this record that Tyson was so helpless in his situation. How could he make any case against a man who was so 'right' that he was untouchable?

"Then stay here as long as you can!" Vladimir pleaded.

"Well, they can't keep me forever. Especially when my dad wins the election and shoots the mental health budget in the face. They'll probably close this place down, and every nurse will be out of a job. Charlie will probably end up on the street because Chase thinks people like him don't deserve to live," Tyson lamented, nervously sadly on his fingernails.

"What are we gonna do, Tys?"

Vladimir pushed his knees to the side and lay down next to him, resting his head on Tyson's chest. He was miserable with that news. Tyson wondered if he should have just kept his mouth shut.

Story of my life, he thought bitterly.

"I won't leave you. I got lucky enough to find you, so I'm not gonna just leave you. Fuck that," Tyson reassured him.

I'll work it out somehow. I'm smarter than the lot of them put together.

Cynthia and Brianna both noticed Tyson's anxiety had risen exponentially by the end of Thursday. Cynthia increased the potency of his regular valium doses in hopes that would reduce his need to take the extra pills. This wasn't ideal for Tyson, who found himself getting a little spaced out thanks to the overly calming effect of the increased diazepam. Cynthia wasn't to know that he didn't actually take his PRN medications - he was hoarding them. He was getting to have a lot of them now, and he was desperate to get rid of them before he either got caught or before he had an especially bad day and took them himself. It wasn't going to be long before people began to realise what he was doing. Ron had already questioned why he was so lucid, and Tyson knew Ron would be spreading that suspicion to everyone who would listen.

On Friday, Tyson was pleased to see Sue was back on the rounds in the morning. He heard her voice as she greeted one of her patients, and he quickly rose from his bed to swallow his pride and do what he needed to do - apologise. He'd worked on the cycle of abuse with Brianna and Cynthia quite a lot. Edith regurgitated her negativity into lashing out at Tyson, and now Tyson did the same. Even though he was doing his best to be mindful of his thoughts, feelings and actions, it was difficult to unlearn what he'd been experiencing since he was old enough to disappoint her. That didn't excuse his behaviour. It wasn't good enough.

"Sue, do you have a minute?" He asked her from his doorway as she walked by.

She looked at him kindly, though he could sense her reluctance. "Good morning, hon. What's going on?"

"Can we talk?"

He pleaded with his large brown eyes. He'd learned that if he made them full and sad enough, it was difficult for Alice, Sue, Janet, Evan and a couple of the others to resist. Neil didn't buy it for a second, though. He never gave an inch. Heh. Sue joined him in his room and closed the door behind her.

"I've got a lot to do, so make it quick," she told him.

Tyson did not make it quick. At all. He'd been rehearsing this conversation since he'd realised he did wrong by her. He talked about how much he really did respect and appreciate her and how hard she worked. Then, he elaborated on how grateful he was that she stood up for Vladimir when he was being treated so horribly by that dickhead quack before Cynthia. After that, he brought up the cycle of abuse that he'd been a part of - he made sure to stress that he was not trying to use it as an excuse but to explain that he was aware of why he was wrong.

"You could have just said sorry, Tyson," she explained softly when he'd finally finished his monologue. "Still, I really do appreciate the amount of thought that you've put into this. But I need you to understand that working in a place like this isn't easy for me either. You were right about one thing; the rules are ridiculous in the AIU. I think you're fine to make a coffee or eat your breakfast outside without supervision, but it doesn't matter what I think. For example, if I were to try and force a toothbrush in a patient's mouth without an order from a psychiatrist, even if I believed it to be in their best interest, I'd be out of here with a boot up the bum in an instant. Then I really would be no use to anybody."

"I thought you wouldn't help Charlie. I didn't realise you couldn't," Tyson mumbled sadly. "It just makes me so mad."

"I can't discuss other patients with you," she booped him on the nose with the back of her pen and made him grin. "Apology accepted, but next time you use language like that I'll wash out your mouth with soap and I don't care if I get a boot up the bum."

Saturday came around and Tyson was so full of anxiety that he actually swallowed the extra valium he asked for rather than stash it away. Kelly was coming. At least, she said she would. Because she was such a faithful, well-behaved sycophant, Kelly had more freedom from their mother than Tyson did. While Edith hung around her son like Freddy fucking Krueger and made sure he never had time to waste or misbehave, Kelly was trusted to adhere to her schedule, and she always did. She was allowed to have free time because she usually spent it at the gym, participating in local events or studying. She was the least interesting person Tyson had ever met. Coming to see her brother at the psych ward was probably the most rebellious thing she'd ever done in her life - though, Tyson realised, Kelly was a very literal person. Edith was banned from visiting. Kelly wasn't. Probably because Chase didn't think for a second she'd ever bother.

In the morning, Tyson set to work with his pill collection. He'd stored a lot of them, he realised. More than enough. He took the quetiapine tablets, those that helped him sleep through the night, and flushed them instead. They were too big. The twenty or so valium tablets were much smaller, and Tyson was able to tie them up in a tissue, then wrap the tissue in his handkerchief. Kelly did not tell him when she would be coming, so he put a second pair of briefs over the first and put the package safely down between them. He couldn't dash back to his room if Kelly came in. That would look incredibly suspicious, wouldn't it? Tyson wasn't sure if the staff would think much of it - Ron wasn't working today, after all - but he wasn't willing to take such a chance.

It was in the early morning that the shit hit the fan. Charlie. Poor, vulnerable, miserable, unstable Charlie, was minding his own business and watching Play School on the television. Ever since Tyson, and Vladimir even earlier than that, had known him, he cuddled a pillow to his chest or face. Nobody really knew why, but the three times Tyson had seen him drop it by accident, the kid's day was entirely ruined. A boy called Pete, an annoying fifteen-year-old smartarse who loved to get attention in all the wrong ways, decided he was bored and snatched Charlie's pillow from him. Charlie did not take that well. He wailed and screeched some of the filthiest, most horrible words Tyson had ever heard in his life. Offended by Charlie's vitriol or perhaps just a malicious bully by nature, Pete decided to get his revenge by pinning Charlie to the couch, kneeling on his chest and grabbing his wrists.

Tyson, Vladimir and Bella - the girl with the scars all over her arms - were all on their feet to intervene. The two nurses and a man from the security team were advancing as well. But the moment Pete triggered Charlie, it was far too late. There was a scream - one unlike anything Tyson had ever heard in his life. A shriek so loud and full of panic that it shook him! He wasn't sure exactly what happened. Perhaps his mind decided it didn't want to remember things clearly. The boy that was Charlie was gone. There was nothing else in that body but survival instinct and terror. He bit his attacker, and he chomped again and again and again, tearing flesh away like a rabid dog. It took physical restraint from all the staff on the scene and an injection in the buttock to stop Charlie, and Pete had to be rushed to Emergency in another part of the hospital. There was blood everywhere. The alarm was booming through the ward for at least ten minutes, and the staff locked the doors to the common room once they'd herded all of the patients out.

"They better keep that fuckwit in Emergency or one of the locked wards, because if he comes back, I'm probably gonna kill him," Tyson muttered to his companions as they strolled through to the dining hall.

"I'll help ya," Bella agreed, mortified by what she'd just seen. "What a dog. I hope his face gets infected."

"Everyone gets told when they get here to leave Charlie alone. I guess Pete deserved that, but... oh..." Vladimir was shaking, and Tyson grabbed his hand and held it tight.

"You two are cute. How long have you been together?" Bella asked, seemingly keen to change the subject - something Tyson was more than happy with.

"We're not--" Tyson began, but Vladimir thought differently.

"About a month!" He smiled, his blue eyes lighting up as he brought the other boy's dark hand up to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on it. Tyson liked the sound of that. About a month! By Vladimir's admission, they had been together for about a month!

It was Petra who came to inform him, a little after lunchtime, that his visitor was here. Tyson noticed the way the nurses and nearby patients looked surprised and confused. As far as they knew, he and Charlie were effectively orphans lost in the system, stuck in the hospital because there was nowhere to safely discharge them. Tyson took a deep breath. It felt like she was trying to see into his soul. That she instinctively knew what he was doing wrong and scanning his mind. Ever since he'd tucked the pills into his clothes, he'd felt as though everyone in the ward had been reading his thoughts. Perhaps I'm finally losing my mind, Tyson thought as he joined Petra. This might be the part where I become a paranoid schizophrenic. His nerves weren't helped when he passed through the common room and saw that janitorial were still scrubbing up the bloodied couch cushions. Poor Charlie. He'd be sent right back to the other ward now. The high-dependency unit.

"Are you nervous?" She asked him, friendly and sweet as ever, her big glasses high on her nose and her black hair tied into a bun. It was a hot day. "You look like you're about to faint!"

"I haven't seen Kelly in six weeks or so," Tyson admitted quietly, hoping to throw her off the scent of his amateur smuggling operation.

"Now, I really don't like to bring this up, but you do have a history of family visits not going well," Petra looked at him with sympathy. "I'd like to supervise, just in case. Yeah?"

Fuck no!

"We'll be fine. I'm so medicated right now I don't think I could crack the shits even if I wanted to," Tyson quipped with a cheeky smile. "But I can't speak for Kelly. She might get mad if you hang around, you know? She's not used to the way things work here."

The rules weren't so inflexible for visits. Whether Tyson needed to be supervised was up to the social worker's discretion so long as no order came through from the psychiatrist. Petra and Dale did keep an eye on Tyson in his early days, but he'd come a long way since then.

"Alright, mister. You have my blessing," she gave him a small pat on the back as she swiped her card and let Tyson through into the visitor's area.

She was there, just as she promised. Already, Tyson's heart had softened towards her. She looked like their mother as well, with dark brown skin and curly black hair that she straightened. She wore a little foundation on her face and glossed her lips. Today, she wore a neat white dress and open-toed pumps that matched the blue belt around her narrow waist. She was still taller than him - he hadn't had his big growth spurt yet. She didn't smile at first, but when Tyson lead with his own relieved grin, the corners of her mouth lifted and she stood up. He quickly crossed over and wrapped his arms around her. He'd never been fond of her, but seeing her brought up feelings he'd pushed aside for a long time. She awkwardly hugged him back.

"I'm so glad you're here," he mumbled, then she pried him off and they sat down in different chairs.

"Yeah, that was unexpected," she wasn't comfortable here, he noticed. He didn't expect her to be. Like him, she'd been brought up to believe that mentally ill people were dangerous and beyond repair. It didn't take her long to say something that proved Tyson correct. "Aren't you supposed to be here with a guard or something?"

"I'm sick. I'm not a criminal," Tyson's reply was more tart than he'd intended. He needed to watch himself. He would not let his familial habits drag him back into a cycle of toxicity.

"I just thought because of the locked doors, you know?"

"Yeah, I guess it looks that way. Like, some people here don't realise how sick they are so they might try to run away, or they'll get confused and not know what they're doing. The nurses keep the doors locked just in case. It's for our safety. They're not trying to keep us away from everyone. Some kids go out with their families. A couple of them even go to the shops across the street on their own."

"Did you ever try to run away?" Kelly asked him, leaning her chin on her hand.

"Mmm nah. If I actually managed to, they'd just bring me back."

"Is everyone in there like a zombie?" She seemed to have a fascination growing inside her. She was curious.

"Not really. Sometimes? The normal meds are usually fine. They made me sleepy in the start, but I'm used to them now. They only really give someone the heavy stuff if they're freaking out." Like Charlie. He didn't want to mention that to her.

"So... how are you doing, Tyson?"

Tyson didn't know if anyone from his family had actually asked him that question before. Masha asked him at least once every time she visited, and so did Dmitry and Vasily. He felt his lip quiver.

"I'm actually okay. I still lose my shit sometimes, but my doctor's amazing," Tyson didn't want to go too much into how much work entailed undoing Edith's caustic influence, because Kelly was frustratingly loyal to her. "She's helping me with my anger issues."

"Mum thinks she's full of crap," Kelly grinned, and Tyson's blood almost boiled at the idea of someone insulting Cynthia. "Do you still want to kill yourself?"

"I don't want to, but I'm not always thinking clearly, you know?" Tyson understood that Kelly certainly would not know. "I was really getting better, Kel, then you told me about Chase's plan to send me away. Now I'm kinda... I'm scared."

Kelly looked at him with pity in her eyes. "It won't be so bad. You've always talked about wanting to learn about the Sri Lankan culture. You've always talked about how much you hate Mum and Dad. How are you not excited?"

"Well, I think I'd miss you for a start," he offered a smile, but she did not return it. Swing and a miss. "But I've made a good friend here. We've both been here for a long time now, and we're doing our treatments together. His name is Vladimir."

"That sounds pretty gay. Are you sure you're my psycho brother?" Kelly teased him with a suspicious look in her eyes. "Wait... Vladimir? Vladimir Chekachikovovasky or something stupid?"

Tyson's blood immediately ran cold. Not because she butchered his name. If Kelly knew who Vladimir was - and he doubted another Vladimir Tchaikovsky lived nearby - there was bound to be an ominous reason for that. The Belmont-Lovetts did not associate with immigrants and their families as a general rule - a painfully ironic and hypocritical rule.

"How do you know him?" Tyson asked her, dreading the answer.

"What the hell are you talking to that schizo for? He's the crazy freak who burned down the science labs in that, um, that public school a couple of months back. He thought there was some demon in there or something stupid. You know that, right?" Kelly was genuinely horrified that her little brother was keeping such dangerous company.

"I... he... he's... better now."

Tyson had heard of the arson attempt by some psychotic kid in a nearby suburb, but he'd never thought much of it. Vladimir was clearly unwell, but that alone wasn't enough to warrant commitment unless he couldn't be treated in the community. To be admitted to a public hospital ward, he had to be a danger to himself or others. Tyson had seen him during intense psychotic episodes. Even then, Vladimir was still so gentle. Hardly anything like the schizophrenic portrayed in movies and on the news. He got confused and scared, and hallucinations dictated reality for him. If Vladimir did set fire to the school, then his brain tricked him into thinking he had a damn good reason! If the man with three heads was in there, then that makes sense.

Doesn't it?

"When are you coming home? When's that bitch doctor going to let you out?" Kelly demanded, and she sounded so much like their mother that the all-familiar feeling of anger bubbled in Tyson's belly.

You're allowed to be angry, he reminded himself. You're not allowed to take it out on other people.

"She cares, Kel. She actually cares if I hurt myself. She'll never let me go if she thinks I'm still at risk, so I'm convincing her I'm not. But I might need your help."

"So now you want to come home? Well, you left it far too late. Chase won't have you around anymore," she said, scornfully.

"If I came home when Mum wanted me to, I'd just try to hurt myself again. I'm not well, Kelly. I know Mum and Chase would spit on me for saying that, but I'm not okay. This place is helping me a lot, but if I don't leave, I'll probably go crazy for real. I'm so bored all the time, and I want to play sports and go swimming and have my flute back! I actually miss all my lessons. That's how fucking cooped up I am."

"You don't get it, do you, Tys? You'll be gone as soon as you come home. Chase won't let anyone see you. As far as the whole country is concerned, you're already living with relatives in Sri Lanka. Nobody knows you're in the nuthouse," Kelly's voice had softened, and she almost sounded sympathetic. Human. As though she cared.

"Fine. So be it," Tyson replied fiercely, fighting back the tears. He would not cry in front of her. He never had, and he never would. Tears were weakness in Belmont-Lovett eyes. "But I don't want to die, Kel. I need my medication when I get out."

"So... take your medication? Don't kill yourself? I don't see any problems here?"

"I'm not confident Mum will let me take meds once I'm out," Tyson admitted sheepishly, hoping he would not offend her. He was nervous. He needed her.

"Why wouldn't she?" Kelly's slight hesitation before she answered told Tyson that she wasn't quite sure.

"You know why. Her kids aren't crazy! They're smart and well adjusted with a bright future. All that shit that makes her look good. That's why she can't stand that there's something wrong with me in the first place. I'm just trying to play it safe, okay? I don't want to get out and do something stupid."

Kelly's eyes were on him, curious, sad and wary. Tyson looked behind him to see if Petra was anywhere to be seen, then took a breath.

"I just need to make sure I have enough meds to make the transition. So... I have some that I've been keeping for when I get out, but the nurses are getting suss on me, and I need to get them out now."

"What?? Are you serious??"

All the warmth in his sister disappeared suddenly, and she looked like she could turn him to stone with the ferocity of her glare.

"I need your help. So bad. Please do this for me. Please. Please!" he begged, shifting closer and putting his head in his hands. "Mum will never listen to anyone except Chase, and he doesn't care if I die as long as I do it somewhere else. You're my only shot. Please."

"You haven't changed at all, have you? You didn't get in touch with me because you cared about me," she replied with enough chill on her voice to give him frostbite. "You just need me to do something for you."

"Can't it be both?" Tyson suggested wearily, and Kelly hesitated. "I have changed. I do care about you, Kel. I've just been too screwed up to realise. Do you care about me? Or will you be happy to get rid of me?"

"Of course not," she whispered guiltily. "But I can't do this. This is wrong."

"I can't come home with these meds. You know that. Do you think Mum will ever let me have privacy again? Do you think I'll be able to hide them?"

Kelly's eyes fell, and she answered with her heart. "Doubtful. You might even be strip searched. Chase isn't taking chances on you anymore. Mum's scared of what he'll do to her if you screw things up for him again, so she'll have her eye on you until you fly off. She'll make sure of it."

"But she trusts you. Hide them for me. Please? I don't think I can cope without them," he looked back over his shoulder to make sure nobody was looking.

"Okay," Kelly took a long time to make up her mind, and she didn't sound sure at all. "But! I'm only doing this because I think it's rotten what Chase is doing to you, and I'm only going to do it if you swear you're not going to try and overdose again."

"If I wanted to overdose, I would have done it already," he reassured her, almost bragging about his ability to exploit an opportunity. "Thank you so much. You're saving my life."

"Just do it."

Tyson, keeping his back to the doors, slipped his fingers down his second pair of underpants and grabbed at the small handkerchief he was storing there. When Kelly made a bewildered groan of disgust, he almost smiled at her.

"I'm wearing two pairs. I don't want to give you something that's touched my dick. That would be creepy," he managed to crack a joke, but she wasn't in the mood to laugh.

It happened so quickly that Tyson was positive no one saw anything. Both doors were clear. Nobody else was with them, nor was there a camera in the visitation room. Tyson felt an enormous relief wash over him. Kelly did not. She put the contraband down her dress and into her bra, and folded her arms tightly across her chest. Almost immediately, she stood up, and Tyson wondered if she'd changed her mind.

"I'm going to go. Don't ever ask me to do anything for you again."

She got up and turned to summon Petra. Tyson could sense the conflict inside her. She felt like he was using her. Maybe that was the plan, he thought as guilt filled him up, but it didn't have to be that way. It was so easy to forget that she wasn't Edith. They dressed the same, sat the same, spoke the same, even looked the same if the age gap were overlooked. She wasn't Edith. And she sure as shit wasn't Chase.

"Just one more thing?" He stood up, and she looked at him incredulously, as if he'd already asked for the world and now wanted Venus. "If you have spare time and I'm still here, can you swing by again?"

"More pills?"

"No, I just wanna see you."

"Oh."

Kelly was disarmed, but she did give her little brother a brief, half-hearted hug on her way out. He didn't know where their relationship stood, but everything had gone far better than he dared to dream... except for Charlie.

Still, it ain't over yet.