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    D.K. Daniels
  • D.K. Daniels
  • Author
  • 03/19/2021
  • 1,089 Words
  • 1,981 Views
  • 8 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
p style="text-align:center;"> Note from the author: There are delicate themes in this short. If you are prone to sensitive matters concerning bullying, suicide, and peer pressure, here is your warning. You can grab a copy of the novelette from Amazon or Google.

Click here to buy

Folder X - 3. Chapter 3

“Mom… you home?” I called out as I shut the front door.

The house was quiet, so I concluded that mom was still on her way home from work.

I dropped my backpack on the kitchen table, fished a green apple from the wooden bowl by the microwave in the kitchen, and bit into it.

'The juice was incredibly satisfying.'

Pulling out my chair at the table, I figured I would make a start on my homework. So with one hand holding the apple, I drew the seat back with the other and sat down. Unzipping my bag, I pulled out the materials I needed and tried to work on some assignments. Getting a few math problems complete, my attention began to dwindle. Then I thought about how Jonah just stood around back at the school and let Dallas just run at me, and to top it off, he never said anything afterward.

Sometimes I truly feel like I am alone… actually, I am always alone. And I hate that, but what can I do? I was scared of people finding out my secret too, you know because it would give them something else to tease me about. I could add to the list of what I have been called since the start of school.

Gay

Fat

Carrottop

Freak

Faggot

Piggy

Fugly

Worthless

Loser

Perv

Stupid

Trash

Retard

Pathetic

Weak

Smelly

Disgusting

Useless

Nerd

Bigfoot

Reject

 

Oh, and Ron Weasley. Combine that with Gingers have no souls, and Rat Face, and the occasional GO DIE, then I’m fucking golden.

 

All the stuff they say, it makes me mad, but it also makes me sad. Sensing a tear on the way, I push out from the table and start packing away my half-finished homework. Though I stop midway through and just head to the TV, switch on Disney+ and put on The Simpsons.

Sometimes, watching TV helps put me inside a little bubble, and it distracts me from all the shit I have to really deal with, not that I want to. When adults get involved, it's even more embarrassing, and they sometimes make things worse.

One time, I brought a knife to school, thinking I'd have the courage to stab Dallas in the back when he was in the toilet or something, but I never did it again.

'It felt wrong.'

It happened after he threw a water bottle at me, and it broke my nose. The teachers didn't seem to care; they gave him a warning, sure, but after his 2-day suspension, his reign of nuisance became terror. It didn't stop him; he just controlled himself better, acted out when he knew he wasn't being watched. I can't recall where I went wrong or what I did to piss him off. I don't think I did anything, but then again, maybe I'm just too much of a freak, and that's why he needs to do it. I'm kind of sick of all the fighting, so now when I just let him tease me and throw me around. It's easier. If I try sticking up for myself, it gets worse. Plus, mom gave me the option of changing schools, but I didn't want to say goodbye to Jonah. Why was I the one who was expected to leave?

Feeling my mood dwindle further, I pressed the standby button and climbed to my feet. It's no use; The Simpsons didn't make me feel good inside anymore. You know, I'm not sure if I have feelings anymore, all I do is cry most of the time, and after a while, I run dry.

Heading upstairs, I lay down on my bed like I do almost every day. I grab hold of my thickest pillow and nestle up against it. I imagine it is Jonah, though my prince is sleeping, or that's how I visualize it. I love lying beside him. If I believe strongly enough, it almost comes true. I can picture his mousy brown hair, the smell of it, his strong citrus cologne, and the soft gradual breathing. I wish all the time that it would be real, even once, but if anybody out there can hear me, it never works out. I lay hugging my imaginary boyfriend close to my body, and after a while, my body heat started to feel like his body heat. It makes me want him more, so I crawl off the bed before I start to cry. I can never explain it. I think I love him, but at the same time, he doesn't do anything to help me. So why should I love him?

Confused, I sit down at the computer. I browse a few YouTube videos to kill time until bedtime. It always feels like my day repeats itself, and sleep is a good escape where you get to feel nothing. I often feel sorry for mom, knowing that she knows her son is a failure. I've considered telling her, but I'm more embarrassed about being gay than I am of actually telling her. So, I wonder if I'd ever tell her, right now, I don't want to take any more punches to the gut if something should go wrong.

I click into the folder labeled Folder X; it's full of Jonah's dance videos; they always miraculously cheer me up. Double tapping on the third video in the grid formation, it opens to him doing the SHOOT dance from Fortnight. It's older, of course, about two years, but that's how far back my files go with Jonah. I watched his arms sway backward, and his right leg does some equivalent to a donkey kick, and then his right arm mimics the process of putting a nail in the wall with a hammer. It makes me smile unknowingly, and it makes me feel warm. Something that The Simpsons couldn't do but used to be able to do.

Time passes, the world outside my window turns to black, and mom gets in with a takeaway, apologizing for her lateness. We eat and talk, and it goes to show how much she cares about our conversations. She asks if I wanted to watch a movie with her, and I agree. So, we snuggle up on the sofa and watch Star Wars. We had just completed The Mandalorian, and rewatching all the Star Wars crap became a thing.

After the movie, I headed to bed, crawled under the covers, and jerked off like usual to Jonah until I dozed off to sleep.

Copyright © 2021 D.K. Daniels; All Rights Reserved.
  • Like 3
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p style="background-color:transparent;color:#0e101a;"> Note: Bulling or suicide is no joke. If you feel depressed, know you are loved, and there is always someone willing to talk. Contact a local call center in your area if you are having these emotions. Talk to a person you trust, or even google support groups. Hell, hit me up. Having a camaraderie to get through the difficult times is a big help. It's normal, many people have felt this way, and you are not alone. For a large proportion of my teenagehood, I got bullied, and I attempted to take my life twice. Though if it weren't for the kindness of a woman I met along the way, I would not be here today. People will hear you out, I promise.

D.K.

***

Comments are welcome.

Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

weinerdog

The kind of thoughts Matthew is having and the things he's described at school sounds a lot like the stuff you read about when you hear of a teenager committing suicide or getting a gun and shooting up the school .

Somebody in this story maybe somebody we haven't been introduced to yet will have to get involved because this doesn't look sustainable.

Just thought of something  so I'm adding something after I posted before.This would be bad and good maybe Dallas will go too0 far on his bullying of Matthew and it might make Jonah angry enough at Dallas to come to Matthew's aid one can hope

Edited by weinerdog
  • Love 2
D.K. Daniels
22 hours ago, weinerdog said:

The kind of thoughts Matthew is having and the things he's described at school sounds a lot like the stuff you read about when you hear of a teenager committing suicide or getting a gun and shooting up the school .

Somebody in this story maybe somebody we haven't been introduced to yet will have to get involved because this doesn't look sustainable.

Just thought of something  so I'm adding something after I posted before.This would be bad and good maybe Dallas will go too0 far on his bullying of Matthew and it might make Jonah angry enough at Dallas to come to Matthew's aid one can hope

I happened to be inspired by school shootings. However, I decided to stay away from that subject. I have another novella that I have been working on the past year or two, and it revolves around a school shooting. But I can see why you'd make the comparison to a shooting. When I first wrote the novelette and gave it to my editor, Larry was distraught. So, I rewrote the entire ending. I offered a story with no hope, and we were worried that teenagers would see this and take something from it. Therefore, I changed it to add a message. If you were to read the entire story in one sitting (it's available on Amazon), you'd see that Matthew relives the same day over and over without slight deviation. I guess we'll have to wait and see if anything positive can be said about the current circumstances. Maybe Jonah will get fed up with Dallas, maybe Matthew will do something horrible, but that's the awesome part about cliffhangers. Thanks for reading; I hope you enjoy the rest of the story

  • Love 2
D.K. Daniels
On 7/25/2021 at 5:51 PM, Anton_Cloche said:

DK, your 'end notes' in chapters are one endearing item that makes your writing special. Thank goodness for that special woman who helped you when you were being bullied and saved your life. Without her, you wouldn't be here, and your stories would be lost.

Hope your summer vacay is working out.

 

Thank you for your kind words. I try to be open and honest about everything, and this matter was something I could not skip over. I needed to show why I wrote such a story to some degree, so other kids could see that it can pass when you reach out. My stories are sort of a reflection of the type of person, or the adventurous life I wish I had lived when I was younger, but never got to due to bullying. My vacation is going great, I've seen so many new places. I'm feeling inspired, but I've been trying really hard to stay away from the keyboard for the month to give myself the break. I hope you are having an awesome week too :)

  • Like 1
Mancunian

False guilt, false shame and the false belief of victim that they can't do anything to stop it is bad enough. When it starts to change a persons belief in them selves then it can be dangerous and create the dangerous thoughts that Mat had thinking about stabbing Dallas, that is one of many good reasons why teachers in school and parents need to keep a close watch on those who may be subjected to bullying, but more importantly to try to put a stop to the bullying in the first place.

  • Love 2
D.K. Daniels
On 1/21/2022 at 7:29 PM, Mancunian said:

False guilt, false shame and the false belief of victim that they can't do anything to stop it is bad enough. When it starts to change a persons belief in them selves then it can be dangerous and create the dangerous thoughts that Mat had thinking about stabbing Dallas, that is one of many good reasons why teachers in school and parents need to keep a close watch on those who may be subjected to bullying, but more importantly to try to put a stop to the bullying in the first place.

Often when you grow accustomed to something for a long time, you'll start believing that such a thing could be the truth. I don't think the responsibility just falls on adults and parents, I think there needs to be a collective awareness with peers, even strangers. If you are driving your car and you come across some guy ready to jump from an overpass while on the motorway, its not how he ended up there. It's the horrific attitude toward reality: that maybe someone else will deal the the problem mentality. I'd like to stay that any rational, compassionate human would stop to talk the person down, but we live in the same world were people throw dogs from the top of buildings and place cats in vacuum sealed bags for amusement. I think the real issue is to just not be a one of the bystanders, if your gut tells you something is not right, reach out. It's not that difficult to ask how somebody how are they doing today. We have to look for good among all the everyday static. Often when something horrific happens, the perpetrator is hyped up as a monster by the public: eg a school shooter. Usually which amounts from isolation from fellow peers, as they strive to fit in. The real problem is not that the person shot up the school, or that people called this person a monster. It's that the mentality is still wrong when approaching such a problem. Schools across American for one don't want to admit they have a problem, and to tackle this they are building school to accommodate school shootings so its harder for the shooter, and adding more guns to the equation rather than tackling the issues of mental health before it even begins. I think the whole issues behind this ordeal would be just look out for your fellow human. Thanks for commenting.

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