A Night with no Stars - 18. Puppy Love

Aleks never used to stress out about things, but lately he'd been finding himself stressed out almost all the time. And while he had no problem walking into Partyka's club, cool-headed and stone-faced, with no idea what was awaiting him there, but knowing that whatever it was, he would handle it, now he was sweating so much his shirt was stuck to his back and his hand was actually trembling slightly when he put the pen down. He wiped the sweat off his brow and stood up. There was no point in sitting here and wondering if there was anything more he could do. He'd done the best he could.

Such pathetic things to fear, a pen and a piece of paper. Guns and drugs had practically stopped affecting him and he was scared of a pen and a piece of paper. He glared out of habit at the women who rushed towards him and took a long stride out of the room. He undid the first button of his shirt and breathed with relief. He wasn't sure if he was stifling because of the shirt or the panic.

Of course he was trying to convince everyone around that he didn't give a shit, because stressing over high school exams was so fucking lame. But it was hard not to give a shit when he had barely looked into a book and kept postponing the studying, first because of Partyka and then because of Maks. He was playing a hot shot, cruising around town instead of preparing and knew the time was out and there was a paralyzing fear in his guts that maybe he wouldn't cut it. What if he was overrating himself and was actually dumber than he thought? He was depending only on his intelligence and his previous academic achievements, which wasn't very smart, because they weren't all that impressive. If he didn't graduate high school, then he wouldn't have any other option but to keep doing what he did right now. Or make it big in music, but that was a bit hard to plan. And he wanted to... have a normal life at some point. Maybe not now, but one day. Do something he liked, live with someone he loved and not be scared of what tomorrow would to bring. With no education there would be no job or only a terribly paid one, and he had no intention of being poor. He had been poor his whole life and enough was enough. And being in organized crime was fine for now, but if he got in too deep then he would wake up as a forty year old loser with no credit, because legally he'd earned shit, and as a piece on the side of some married guy with kids, because no self-respecting, declared gay man would want to get into a relationship that he had to hide.

And that was where it was all heading. He even knew who that guy would be, because if it kept on and Maks couldn't bring himself to dump his fiancée, he would mutter a reluctant, sacramental 'I do' to her while looking Aleks straight in the eye. And damn him if he let that happen.

No. He and Maks were going to be together for real one day, even if he had to bend over backwards to get there. The results of these fucking exams had to be positive, so he could offer Maks anything even remotely close to normal. He knew that they hadn't been together all that long and he was probably way over his head, but he could picture it so clearly. Him and Maks in a few years. Maybe they would still be together. Maybe they would have their own place and a dog. Maybe he would be a musician or maybe Maks would be an actor, or maybe they would both end up in some boring office, but at least together. It was such a nice fantasy, even though at this point it was hard to think about it as anything but a pipe dream. Everything was so uncertain right now and there were so many things that could go wrong, even planning the next day seemed pointless. But what could he do? He was a dreamer.

Maybe that was why he was so scared lately. Shit just seemed way more serious since he had something... ok, someone he cared about. He used to downplay everything, because sure, it got dangerous every once in a while, but he always thought that you had to play in order to win. And when you play, you need to be aware that the game may end for you at any point. But now when he thought about it, he didn't think of himself anymore, that he was too young and dying right now would suck. He only thought about Maks and how pissed he would be if Aleks got himself killed. But it was nothing in comparison to the opposite. If he brought any harm on Maks, he would never forgive himself. And if he had to choose between work and Maks, he would choose Maks, but he also knew that he would give up neither until it was absolutely necessary. Not yet, even though everything inside him was whispering that he should act preemptively, so in this case clear out before anything happened, not after the fact. And not risk it, especially not risk Maks's well-being of all things in the world. But Aleks was selfish, he wanted it all and at once, he wanted a boyfriend, money, respect, adrenaline, fame and success and he wanted it all to magically work out.

Yeah, bad time for being a dreamer. He would be better off being a realist.

But Aleks the realist was scared of everything. He was scared that Wincent already knew he had someone else, and Wincent was fucking unpredictable. It was just as likely that he would be reasonable, as that he would ambush Maks in some dark alley, because Aleks suspected that if it came to that, his anger would focus on Maks, not him. He knew Wincent was possessive, but wasn't really sure how he felt about him. Now he wished that he didn't feel all that much and leave them alone. Not that he was going to let him lay a finger on Maks, but he didn't have that much faith in his self-agency.

And he was scared that Partyka was going to find out. He would definitely be much more collected about the whole thing, but in some ways he was just as unpredictable as Wincent. Aleks wasn't sure if he would feel the need to get rid of him, quietly and for good, only to keep people from knowing that he had a fag working so closely to him. Maybe he would or maybe he wouldn't. He also wasn't sure what he would do about Maks. If he had even the slightest suspicion that he knew anything – which he did – then he would probably give him the same treatment. Aleks had a giant lump in his throat that made breathing really difficult at the mere thought.

He was so stupid he was even scared that Ewelina was going to find out. It was a conscious decision on his part to let Maks handle it on his own, in his own way and in his own time. He didn't push him and he could see that Maks was scared. He understood, he was scared too. It was just a shame that they were choosing to be scared separately instead of together. He tried to keep Maks as far from his problems as it was possible, so he couldn't tell him he was scared. And Maks didn't tell him either, because he tried to keep him as far from Ewelina as possible. Essentially they'd both chosen the same tactic of pretending that problems didn't exist, while in reality they could barely see anything from underneath them.

He got on the bus when his phone pinged. He reached into his pocket.

2:12 pm. From: P. Get over here as soon as you can.

Aleks stared for a few beats, before sighing, getting off at the nearest stop and catching a bus going in the opposite direction. So Partyka first, then Maks.

The atmosphere inside was slightly tense. It was too early for any guests, there were only a few of Partyka's boys lounged on the couches, talking quietly. They felt silent abruptly when Aleks walked in, then eyed him blankly and easily continued the conversation. He had no wish to socialize with them, so he passed them without a word, heading straight to the office.

“Looking sharp,” Partyka commented, not moving from behind his desk. “What's with the faggy suit?”

Aleks kept his face straight, because it was just a random insult that had nothing to do with his actual sexual orientation. He looked down at himself. The suit fitted him perfectly and he was actually pretty proud of it. One had to really lack imagination to equate extravagant with faggy . “Have you not seen Robert de Niro's suits in 'Casino'?” he shot back cheekily.

Partyka raised his eyebrows. “Oh, so you're Ace Rothstein now?” he scorned. “Good, you'll have a chance to prove it. We've got shit to do. Be prepared that it's gonna be a tough few weeks ahead.”

Aleks could almost see the ship called 'high school graduation' sailing over the horizon. He straightened up, both concerned and resigned.

“Those fuckers from Mokotów keep fucking up my business. We need to shut it down,” Partyka got straight to the point.

Aleks frowned. “You were supposed to work it out with them,” he remarked cautiously.

“I've tried. You know I'm all for working things out,” Partyka said, raising his hands innocently. “But they're not interested in making a deal, it's some fucking crusade for them and they're not backing up. I have no time for this nonsense. I want them gone.”

Aleks nodded absently, wondering why he was speaking to him about it. He didn't make things disappear. He suspected Partyka had enough people who specialized in making things disappear, but he wasn't one of them. “Ok. How?”

“You tell me,” Partyka flung back. “You said they have a joint outside of the city.”

“Yeah, that's where their whole manufacture is happening. They have pretty pure shit, that's why people are killing each other for it. We could actually try to find out what their source is instead of...”

“I've looked into it. It's non-viable,” Partyka cut him off dismissively. “I'm not a fucking charity.”

“It might not be at the beginning,” Aleks protested quietly. “But most people are willing to overpay just to make sure they're not sniffing some blended shit.”

Partyka looked up blankly. “The same people that are stupid enough to sniff it in the first place? You really think they even stop to consider what is better for their health?” he sneered, dropping his eyes back on whatever he was doing on his phone. “Trust me, when I need business advice, you're not the first person I'm going to go to.” He slapped him down. “Do you know where it is?” he got back to the main topic.

“I can find out,” Aleks assured him confidently. “You wanna sic the cops on them? They'd do all the dirty work for us.”

“No, I'm thinking the old-fashioned way,” Partyka objected, looking at Aleks in deliberation. “First find out what you can.”

“When do you want to do this?” Aleks asked succinctly, already planning in his head what could be done.

“When are you free?” Partyka shot back.

“Oh,” Aleks was so surprised that he broke the character for a split second. “Don't you have... more fitting people for the job?”

“Of course I have more fitting people,” Partyka snorted. “But it's your operation, so I would advise you to keep them in check and straighten them up. They're known for going overboard.”

Aleks was staring at him for a moment, wondering where did he get the idea that anyone would listen to anything he said. But it wasn't something he could refuse. Refusing Partyka was usually difficult. Did he just get promoted? “Ok. I'll let you know when I work out what we're gonna need to make it happen,” he said, analyzing furiously all the hows and whens. He started to stand up.

“Yeah, and hurry the fuck up, Aleks,” Partyka added suddenly. He frowned when Aleks hesitated for a split second. “What, you've got something better to do?”

Aleks shrugged. “Just exams,” he said mildly, downplaying it as much as he could.

Partyka's eyes widened. “Oh, that's what's the suit all about,” he realized. “I keep forgetting that you were practically born yesterday,” he teased. “In that case cut yourself some slack. We don't want you to fuck it up. It would be disgraceful.”

Fuck, even Partyka thought that failing stupid high school exams would be pathetic. Now it was even less of an option than before. Aleks cleared his throat and was going to reply when they heard the door opening.

“I said not to disturb me...” Partyka started angrily.

“Sorry, Partyka, I just wanted... what is he doing here?” Adrian stopped abruptly in the doorway.

“The question should be, what are you doing here? Unlike you, he has every reason to be here,” his brother said with fake calmness.

“You've got to be kidding if you think that's gonna...” Adrian started to protest, gaping at him in disbelief.

“Do I look like I'm kidding?” Partyka asked rhetorically, looking impatient. “I've told you already, I don't give a flying fuck what you thought and I don't know where you even got the idea...”

“And I told you he's not gonna handle it...” Adrian interrupted him, glaring at Aleks with repulsion.

“Well, at least he doesn't seem to fuck up everything he touches. That's good enough for me,” Partyka cut him off in a tone that clearly ended the discussion.

Aleks hated Adrian, but still felt bad for him. Partyka never took him seriously and always treated him like an imbecile, and there was something about older brothers that made you thirst for their respect. Aleks would sink through the floor or burst into tears if Kostek ever talked to him that way, and Partyka was much more intimidating than Kostek.

“Aleks, that's all,” Partyka said, clearly sending him off. “You stay,” he emphasized, narrowing his eyes at Adrian.

Aleks was relieved that he could safely evacuate and didn't have to witness it, so he stood up and rushed to the door. Adrian nudged him in the shoulder on his way to the chair Aleks just vacated. He turned his head and for a moment was going to say something, but decided not to. He wasn't going to get into some verbal sparring in front of his boss to whom he was trying to prove that between him and Adrian, he was the smart one. So he just glared back and left them alone.

When he got to Maks's building and entered the gate code, it crossed his mind that he was slowly feeling more and more at home here and wasn't sure if it was wise to get so attached. It was hard not to get attached, though. He knocked quietly and started to look for his keys. He closed the door behind himself and tossed his bag under the hanger, deep in thought, because he was feeling a bit on edge about the new task. Things were getting kind of boring lately. The trace of excitement was still there, even though it was weaker than at the beginning. It was getting more and more common with every passing day and Aleks wasn't sure if it was something to be proud of or rather concerned.

The sound of water died down and a moment later he heard the door opening.

“Hey. You're here,” Maks said, leaving the bathroom in his boxers, drying his hair with a towel. “Didn't feel like joining me?” he asked, coming to him and gripping the front of his jacket.

“I got lost in thought,” Aleks said absently, looking up at him.

“That's been happening a lot lately,” Maks observed, pulling him closer and leaning in. “You look beautiful Very classy,” he whispered into his ear.

Aleks smiled to himself, putting his arms around his neck. Sure, he knew he looked good, but it was still nice of Maks to tell him this and that at least he didn't think he looked like a fag.

“How did it go?” Maks asked casually.

Aleks shrugged. “Well, we'll find out in June,” he deflected eventually, suddenly nervous again. He told himself to get a grip. Stupid biology was a voluntary subject, he would still graduate even if he fucked it up today, as long as he passed everything else. “Can we not talk about it for now?” he asked quietly.

Maks shot him a weak, concerned smile, because Aleks sounded unusually uncertain, but decided to let it go. “Sure. I just got in too, you wanna order in?”

Aleks nodded, but didn't let him go. Maks sensed Aleks was tense, so he obediently stayed put and let him play with a short hair on the back of his head. Aleks was a very tactile guy and that usually settled him a bit. He didn't ask if there was anything apart from school that bothered him. On one hand there were afternoons like this one, when they both came back from school and work, ordered pizza, ate pizza, had sex and talked about their day, and it was as magical as only the most mundane things with the right person could be. On the other though, he knew that there were lots of things Aleks didn't tell him about his day and he couldn't decide if he would rather know what he was doing when he wasn't with him, or live in ignorance.

The way Aleks cupped his face before pushing his tongue into his mouth told him that he would rather have sex right now than after pizza. Maks didn't mind, he always wanted to have sex. It was amusing that he had gone from one extreme to another, before he had never been all that into it and now he was all in, as if he was trying to make up for lost time. He probably was. Sometimes he wondered if the honeymoon phase would also pass for him and Aleks. He couldn't exactly picture that.

Aleks was surprised every time at how easily Maks distracted his attention from anything that was troubling him. It had been the same since the first night they spent together, the one that ended with a disastrous morning. You couldn't fool this feeling of belonging or fake it, it either was there or it wasn't. It was definitely there when he was with Maks, so maybe he was lucky after all. Maybe they both were, they just needed to stop making it harder on both themselves and each other.

Only that was a little lie too. Hiding in Maks's apartment from the world didn't seem the best strategy in the long run. And sure, that was the whole point, escaping the scary, uncertain, impending future and the inevitability of making tough decisions. There was no threat of that in here, so they were running to each other, pretending that there would never come a time when they would have to stop hiding and leave this illusion, because no matter how beautiful, it wasn't real.

On the other hand... this right now was very real. Maks's fingers laced with his were definitely real, as real as his hot breath on his neck and his teeth on his shoulder and his hips pounding him into the mattress. It was all so fucking real, sometimes Aleks felt as if there was nothing more real than the way Maks made love to him. He really liked to call it that in his head, even though it was such a silly term, making love . Aleks always thought it was about loving each other and holding on to it while having sex. And he was definitely in love with Maks, in that puppy love that outshone everything else and made the whole world a little brighter. But he wasn't such an optimist to assume that Maks was also in love with him, even though the way he looked at him sometimes made him almost believe it.

“Where were you?” he heard a whisper above his ear and rolled back over to face him. His body was shaken and blissed out, but his thoughts were still running wild all over the place. He smiled, seeing Maks's face looming over him. His eyebrows were knitted, so he reached out and stroked first the left one, then the right one with his thumb to smooth them out.

“I'm right here,” he assured him out of habit, then reconsidered. “Sorry. I'm just thinking.”

“What are you thinking about?” Maks asked quietly, leaning in to rub their noses gently. “School? Work?”

Actually I've been wondering if you loved me, Aleks thought, even though saying it out loud didn't seem like a good idea. He didn't suspect he would say 'yes', but he knew that if the answer was 'no', he wouldn't say it. He wouldn't say anything and that would be the worst.

“Both,” he said instead, because it was way too early to be talking about love, even if all these stupid words were churning inside him and wanted to get out. He knew himself enough to know that he was just an impatient idiot who wanted everything right away. He hated half-measures and he hated having to wait while he was ready to throw himself into the deep end. But he needed to remember that Maks wasn't so off the rails as him and adapt to his pace.

“You know you will pass,” Maks whispered. “You're annoyingly smart and it's just high school exams, not a bar exam. You just need to...” he broke off, searching for the right words. “Keep your head clear. That's all.”

Aleks nodded slowly, knowing that his focus was actually the biggest issue. “I know, but there are just too many distractions.”

“Well, screw the distractions. You're not going to do anything for Partyka right now, so just think of it as a vacation,” he suggested jokingly.

Aleks bit his lip and was going to lie out of habit, but Maks's eyes narrowed immediately. It looked that the closer they got, the harder it was to deceive him.

“Come on,” Maks chided, pulling off to look at him in disbelief. “So what, if Partyka calls in the middle of the exam, you're going to just walk out the room?” he asked, pressing his lips and lifting himself up.

Aleks who was still lying below him opened his mouth to protest.

“You do that with me,” Maks added sharply.

It was a bad sign when Maks got this harsh, so it required some sidetracking. “Stop nagging me,” Aleks scoffed.

“My hands are here,” Maks protested, raising his hands innocently. It wasn't until Aleks cracked and grinned that he realized what he just said. He tried to glare at him, but he couldn't help a small smile appearing on his face as well.

Aleks exhaled, relieved that another argument was nipped in the bud. “I'm not an idiot, ok?” he said anyway to put his mind to ease a little bit. He reached out and grabbed his hand in both of his. “I can balance it. I'm just... really fucking tired,” he confessed out of the blue, suddenly giving up all bluffing. “It's just a lot, cause there are these stupid exams and fucking Partyka always wanting something, and I'll probably start recording in June, then there's us and Ewelina thrown into the mix, and Wincent still looming around and I'm just a bit... on edge,” he admitted pitifully, then cleared his throat and added tentatively just to save face, “But I'm gonna... I'm gonna handle it, I just need to...”

Maks didn't let him finish, he raised their joined hands to his lips and kissed his fingers. Aleks blinked, because barely a few minutes ago he was fuming and now his whole face softened and he looked crestfallen. “I'm sorry,” he said quietly, rubbing the back of Aleks's hand with his cheek. “I should be taking your worries away, not adding to them.”

“No,” Aleks protested hurriedly, lifting up himself to reach him. “You're not adding to my worries. You're the only thing that still keeps me sane,” he confessed, smiling weakly into his shoulder. Maks just shook his head slowly and Aleks started to wonder if it wasn't too much. He spent the short moment that Maks was silent panicking.

“You're right,” Maks spoke up suddenly, when Aleks was almost sure he wasn't going to react at all. “You can't go on being under so much pressure. And I know things are kind of messy right now, but it doesn't mean that we have to feel guilty and beat ourselves up over it all the time and that we can't just... enjoy being together. Because that's the whole point of this fucking mess,” he said somewhat apprehensively, sounding sheepish.

Aleks looked up at him intently. “What do you mean?”

“We could... I don't know, go somewhere,” he suggested weakly. “For the weekend or...”

“Right now, Maks, seriously?” Aleks asked incredulously, because that was a worst possible time for road trips, even though deep inside he felt a jolt of excitement at the mere thought of a weekend spent with Maks completely alone.

“What about after the exams?” Maks asked, shrugging.

Aleks held back a wince. “Yeah, after the exams is gonna be just as bad as during exams,” he muttered reluctantly.

Maks felt a stab of disappointment. “You don't want to?” he asked, involuntarily hurt.

Aleks rolled his eyes. “Of course I want to,” he assured him soothingly, then looked up and paused, because it sounded really good . “Yeah, maybe after the exams. It's just... I'm not sure if we should keep running even further away from the mess instead of fucking doing something about it,” he said somberly, needing Maks to at least acknowledge that what they were doing was just sitting back and waiting for everything to fall into pieces.

“I know,” Maks admitted, visibly ashamed. “I just... you're not the only one who's sick of it, I can't stand it too that it's all hanging over our heads. And yeah, the shit's gonna hit the fan sooner or later anyway, so why shouldn't we just have... a nice weekend?” he finished hesitantly.

Aleks felt his mouth stretching at his incoherent rambling, because it made little sense, if any at all, but at the same time it made perfect sense. They were both fucking idiots and Maks's idleness was apparently rubbing off on him, because suddenly all he wanted was just one more stolen weekend before they had to come back here and face the music. He smiled out of the blue.

“Where to you wanna go?” he asked light-heartedly.

Maks blinked. “I don't know. Masuria?” he suggested.

Aleks contemplated it for a moment. “Is it nice there?” he asked, as if he wouldn't go anywhere with Maks, no matter the scenery.

“You've never been to Masuria?” Maks gawked.

Aleks shrugged. “I can count on one hand times when I've been out of Warsaw,” he said, sounding a bit surprised by it himself. “Why would I go out of Warsaw?” he asked rhetorically.

Maks was gaping at him for a long moment. “I don't know, school trip?” he shot off the top of his head.

“Pf. A day off,” Aleks dismissed, smiling unapologetically.

Maks shook his head. “We're going to Masuria,” he decided firmly. “I have a friend who has cabins there, we could...” he started in sudden inspiration, then broke off in a middle of sentence, realizing where this idea was going. Yeah, she was his childhood friend and also a daughter of his parents' friends, which got all these separate lives he'd been leading dangerously close together. “...stay there,” he finished weakly.

“It won't look weird?” Aleks asked in skeptical tone. “Cause I've got a feeling that we wouldn't be spending that much time outside of a cabin.”

Maks snorted. “Yeah, so what,” he said impulsively. “I could just tell her, she wouldn't mind. She could be my guinea pig.”

Aleks was staring at him for a moment without blinking and that look made Maks realize what he just said. He immediately started kicking himself, because sure, Aga was the warmest and most tolerant person on the world, so he was almost certain that she wouldn't mind, and they hadn't seen each other for almost six years, so she would be happy to see him no matter with whom, but still... was he supposed to just bring a guy with him and tell her that he and that guy... what? There must have been some proper words, but Maks didn't know them, he wouldn't even know how to go about it. Was there any coaching for coming out of the closet? He could definitely use some. The thought of admitting it out loud wasn't even that bad, but answering questions about Ewelina and about when and how it happened sounded much worse. Maks wasn't sure of the answers himself, because one day he was in complete denial and then everything flipped and all of a sudden he had a boyfriend he had never planned on having.

But on the other hand... the thought of being at ease with Aleks, even for a moment in front of anyone, was exciting. He got so used to sneaking around, he wasn't even sure if he would manage. He bit his lip. Aga would keep her mouth shut, he knew it. So what that her parents were so close to his parents and she could doom him with one word. She wouldn't. Would she?

He hadn't seen her for six years. He had no idea what kind of person she was right now and what she would do. He started to think furiously how to withdraw this insane offer without looking like a coward, even though for Aleks it wouldn't be any newsflash.

“Yeah, ok,” Aleks said, shrugging. Apparently he didn't consider telling someone who lived on the other end of Poland about them very risky.

Maks exhaled in relief, because he didn't sound as if he cared either way. In this respect he was wonderful and pragmatic, and didn't push Maks to start telling his childhood friends about their relationship. Maks came up with such stupid ideas all on his own.

“We would also need to arrange it from our side...”

“That's easy,” Maks cut him off, getting his confidence back. “I'll make up some friends of yours we're going with and you make up some friends of mine we're going with and we're good,” he said smugly.

Aleks smirked. “Mm, I love it when you're all conspiring,” he murmured, lifting his chin from Maks's shoulder to look at him. He was so fucking charming with this smirk and a gleam in his eyes as if he couldn't imagine fooling the whole world in better company.

Suddenly it made Maks want to spend the weekend with this guy, or a week, a year or the whole life, any period of time really, just so he knew that he could look up and see this exact expression meant for him. He leaned in to kiss him, but instead whispered, “You're worth all the conspiring.” He could see Aleks got a bit abashed. It amused him every time, that he could be so confident and at the same time so surprised by any sign of actual appreciation. It made Maks wanted to scold him and shake him to make him see that he deserved every compliment he'd ever received, not only from him. He didn't though, he kissed him instead, because putting it all into words was still hard. Sometimes he still couldn't find the right ones, they both couldn't, so he had to use easier methods. “When is your last exam?” he mumbled after a few minutes, barely breaking the kiss.

Aleks blinked in confusion. “Next Thursday?” he said hesitantly. Apparently his schedule was the last thing on his mind when Maks's hands were anywhere near his body.

“Let's go on Friday then,” Maks suggested, moving his mouth to his neck and going lower. “You don't have plans for this weekend, right? Do you think you will be able to break away?”

Aleks was silent for a moment, thinking furiously if it was even possible. Yeah, no plans, except for trashing a drug den. Fuck, Partyka was already going to be pissed when Aleks left the city and wouldn't be around for a few days, going anywhere without closing this case was out of the question. He felt his throat going dry, because the whole thing was stressful enough when he had unlimited time for it, but now he had time until next Thursday while trying to pass all the exams in the meantime. He wondered if he had a breaking point and when he was going to reach it. Maks drew away to look at him questioningly, so he forced a smile.

“Sure,” he said casually with an unpleasant twist in his stomach, because lying was always easy, but he'd promised himself not to lie to Maks anymore if he could help it. At least not when it came to important things. He couldn't tell him though and not only because the less he knew, the safer he was, but also because Maks was so damn fussy and he worried all the fucking time. If he knew what Aleks was up to, he wouldn't be able to sleep at night, not to mention that he would bust his balls for showing the opposing drug ring who was the boss instead of studying. And not in a fun way. “Friday sounds great,” he added with as much serenity as he could muster.

Maks's face lit up. Aleks pulled him into another kiss, not really wanting to look him in the eyes right now. It wasn't even about him feeling guilty over being a lying piece of shit, he was never in such denial to be unaware of his own slippery ways. It's just... it was Maks and he wasn't going to let their relationship suffer because of his damn illegal inclinations. They were going to be normal, go away for a weekend and spent a few romantic days just the two of them, no matter how much it was going to cost him. He just had to... navigate through the exams and get enough intel to plan this whole action as a one surgical strike that c be implemented on Thursday night, but in a way that left him in a good enough mental state to go to the lake on Friday morning. And all of that without Maks noticing. He gulped. Piece of cake, sure.

He had an annoying impression that the longer they were together, the more of this relationship was based on a lie and he wondered what were the rules of this game. When you loved someone, what was more important, keeping them out of harm's way or not lying to them? A little white lie never killed anyone, sure, but the barrage of lies could potentially create a lot of damage. Suddenly he felt an overwhelming responsibility, because it was up to him to protect both Maks from the cold, cruel world and their relationship from being destroyed from the inside out by secrets, and realized that maybe it wasn't a puppy love anymore.

Damn. A grown-up love was much more complicated.