Heat - 15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Asher insists on leaving me in the driveway of my house while he goes in to check the place. I think this is stupid, but I’m so shaken by his spontaneous change in demeanor that I don’t even argue. It’s like he’s a whole different person. His face is closed off, his shoulders are tense, and he barely speaks the entire ride from his place to mine. His heat is inconsistent, flaring on and off at random. Every once in a while I see a flame lick off his exposed skin but I can tell he’s trying to keep it under wraps, maybe for my benefit, maybe for his. After ten minutes or so he pokes his head back out of the front door and says, with obvious relief, “It’s all clear.”

I step inside. I want to demand answers from him the moment the door closes but I can also sense he isn’t ready for that so instead I take his hand and gently guide him to the couch. I sit next to him and I just put my hand in his for a few minutes. I can feel the heat coming from his skin, intensified in the time he was checking the house, begin to recede. After it returns to something approximating normal I say “What just happened?”

“They’ve found me.” Now that the adrenaline has faded, I can watch as the enormity of what he just said settles on his shoulders.

“Your family? I saw what it said on the door. I didn’t know you had siblings.”

“I don’t.” He goes silent, starts tracing a pattern I can’t make out on his left palm with his pointer finger.

I can tell he’s not ready to talk and it’s really not my place to demand anything right now. I still haven’t told him what happened with Ryan. It really doesn’t feel like the right time to make things about me though, so instead I switch Netflix back on. A little reality tv to take both of our minds off the things we aren’t talking about sounds absolutely perfect right about now.

We’re halfway through our fourth episode in a row when he says “His name was Moses.” I pause the tv and turn, ready to listen. “They kept us separate from the other kids, of course they did - we were dangerous. Me more than him, obviously, but it wasn’t like they were doing actuarial assessments to decide which crimes against nature to lock up and which ones to let wander around free.”

“You’re not a crime against nature.” I push him a little, to emphasize my point, and he smiles faintly. The lack of conviction in that smile breaks my heart. I decide now isn’t the time to talk about it and gesture for him to continue his story.

“So, most of the time, it was just the two of us. It’s hard to explain what that was like. He was the only person I knew that understood, at least in part, what I was going through. The only person that could help me to understand myself, help me come to terms with what I am, at least a little bit.” He leans into me as he tells the story and I start to stroke his hair gently, combing out the curls with my fingers as he speaks.

“He was a little older. I’m not sure by how much, we didn’t do birthdays or anything like that so I didn’t even know how old I was until this year. Because of that, I always kind of looked up to him. He was so smart, so controlled, so kind. When my parents compared me to him, when I compared me to him it was always negative. It was infuriating. Still though, he was the closest thing I’ve ever had to a brother. He took care of me when no one else would and he knew me in a way no one else did. I loved him very much.”

“I can see that.” I want so badly to kiss him as the tears roll silently down his cheeks. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful.

“I’ve never been very… stable. Growing up my body would flare seemingly at random and my power would fluctuate day to day. Using me to cast spells is dangerous in a way no other element is. So, and I didn’t realize this until much later, Moses had to pick up the slack. He would step in to be drawn on in my place for all but the most power-hungry rituals. Then Peter was born. They said it was the most successful birth the community had ever seen. He came out clear as glass, covered in glittering razor-sharp jewels. He was so beautiful and so, so strong. Before him there was a rule. Five years. Five years from birth to the first time you are drawn from. But they voted, days after his birth, to make an exception. In the end they decided on one.” He stops here, chokes up.

“They were going to draw from a baby?” I can’t believe this shit. A fucking baby? I’ve seen how the memory of getting drawn on against his will affects Asher and he’s an adult, more or less. I can’t imagine what it would do to a person that young.

“They weren’t just going to. They did. Moses was there, the first time they did it. He insisted, said if they were going to do something so stupid that he was at least going to be there to make sure it was done safely. After he came back, it was horrible. Like I said, Moses was very controlled. At that point I hadn’t seen him destabilize in years. But when he showed up at my parents house, knocked on the back door so they wouldn’t hear. Kenan, he fell apart. He fell apart and do you know what I did? I did the worst thing I possibly could. I went and got my parents.”

He’s flaring now but it’s mostly contained. He has stood up to keep from hurting me and low, dark flames are rolling across his shoulders and down his arms. Each time one of them appears he takes a deep breath and breathes slowly as it rolls down his arms. Eventually they recede. “Are you ok? Should we stop?”

He has turned away from me. I stand and, carefully, I place a hand on his shoulder. When he turns back to me there is a kind of bitterness on his face that I’ve never seen from him. There’s an ocean of hate there, just under the skin, and for the first time I do feel fear looking at him. That kind of hatred and that kind of strength together can do things my mind won’t let me think about. Especially not in the context of Asher.

Then, just like that, it’s gone. All the hate and rage collapses when he meets my eyes and he looks so small and sad that I can’t help but pull him into a hug. When we break apart he leans down and kisses me softly on the lips. Then, unexpectedly, the kiss changes. Becomes something more. His hands slide around my body, touching the bare skin on the small of my back. He slips his tongue into my mouth as if testing the waters. I draw it into me, taste him deeply. I am surprised when he nips my lower lip with his teeth. He groans when I do the same to his neck, biting with gentle ferocity. He pushes me back, onto the couch, and then climbs on top of me and we attack each other. I can feel him getting hotter so I pull off his shirt, whip mine off in one smooth motion. I want to feel his skin, I want it to burn me, I want it to hurt. His cock presses into mine through the oh so thin layers of clothing and I want to see it, I want to touch it, I want to taste it. Again, I feel his teeth as he begins biting and kissing his way down my body, paying extra attention to my nipples. His hands find my bulge, stroke it through my jeans, then his mouth. Spit soaking through the fabric, he mouths my dick and all the while his hands stroke my balls. This is almost too much for me already, I can feel myself approaching the cliff at alarming speed and I’m nowhere near ready so I grab his head and pull it away.

I look at him. His eyes, still a little bloodshot from tears, meet mine and I can feel myself lose something incredibly important in that moment. It’s like a physical thing, the love, and as it escapes my tightly clenched fingers and flies away from me I am so afraid. Loss, now, is inevitable. There is no such thing as forever. I've learned this the hard way, and because I’ve given this thing away against my will (because it has been taken from me) I know pain is waiting in the wings. Waiting for me to slip up. I can’t stand it. But still, but still… he looks in my eyes and in this instant I know in my heart that I am in love.