Any Way Out - 7. After Ever After

Ashlee was sixteen. Daryl Campbell sat next to her on the overstuffed, oversize sofa in his basement. He was lanky, all arms and legs, but he wore it well. He was the most graceful junior on the basketball team, and he could also be seen representing the school in tennis whites. He had a pretty face, deep brown eyes and dark blond hair. At the moment, in the cool, dim basement cluttered with electronics and odd furniture, that face was sucking on hers, and one of those long, ropey arms was up her black turtleneck.

He had yanked her left bra cup, bunching it underneath the breast, which he was squeezing and swirling around, as if trying alternately to pop it and rip it off.

Daryl pushed her back into the armrest and landed softly but unmistakably on top of her. A foreign tongue drilled its minty way through her astonished teeth. It darted around, exploring every crevice like a crazed bloodhound. She tried to object, but her muffled moans were sending entirely the wrong message.

“Mmm ... hhmmn … hiiiigmh --- OoooouGHGHOUCH!”

Ashlee flailed and threw the boy back with a desperate heave, ripping the offending muscle from between her lips. She cradled her breast, where the nipple was pulsing in waves of diminishing pain. She looked up at Daryl, who had snapped up straight like a catapult, still quivering and looking scared out of his wits.

“Ow! That hurt!” Ashlee exclaimed.

Daryl’s eyes were wide and full of fright. “I-I’m sorry! I thought you would like it.”

Why would I …? “It’s okay, it’s okay.” Ashlee didn’t want to be the one to mess this up. Her friends, the other juniors in her AP classes, had arranged the experience as a sweet sixteen for their Christian baby sophomore. Her actual birthday, a strictly family affair, had passed, but this second Friday of February had worked for everyone.

Ashlee’s full slate of Honors and AP courses had landed her entirely with juniors. Dating boys was spoken of at home only in pejoratives, but her middle school years at a private Christian school and her time around the older girls had made her desperately curious about it. However, she became uncertain when actually around guys. Her friends thought they’d do her a favor. The girls had picked Daryl from a stable of studs. Decent looking, courteous, discreet, experienced with virgins, and on the rebound, he was a strong, safe choice for Ashlee. In the thick of it, however,, she was weighing the benefits of bailing against the promised pleasure.

Daryl also showed discomfiture in his eyes. “Are you alright? I mean if you don’t really want to --”

“It’s okay!” Ashlee repeated, not quite screaming through the pain. “Just, I don’t know, maybe not so hard.” She rubbed her eyes. “Let’s try again. Let me take this off.”

Daryl’s face shifted to hope as Ashlee reached back to unclasp. She shimmied her arms into her sleeves and pulled it off from under her sweater, feeling a little ridiculous at this gesture of modesty. Aren't you supposed to be naked for sex anyway? She closed her eyes, held her breath and pulled her top off over her head. She spat out her long hair that infiltrated her mouth.

Daryl gawked at the wobbling breasts as Ashlee expertly folded the shirt into a neat square. She found a clear spot on a nearby coffee table, and laid it out. He waited patiently while she spread the bra out on her lap, re-clasped it, tucked the straps into the cups, and closed them together like a clamshell before laying the bundle on top of the shirt. Daryl had collected himself enough to ask, “Can I?”

Ashlee closed her eyes again and nodded. He was more careful this time, and at least his hands were warm. Otherwise, the sensation was dead for her, as if he were comparing a pair of sirloins. With Daryl going easier now, she wasn’t scared or hurting, just abashed, frustrated, and angry at herself for not doing it right.

“Can you take your pants off, too?” Daryl asked gently.

Ashlee swallowed through her choked throat. “Would it help?” she asked stupidly. She tried to laugh at herself, but only coughed. Her fly was barely open by the time Daryl had clambered out of his trousers and briefs. He leaned back on the couch in feigned relaxation. His penis rose like a young palm from low foliage, bobbing lazily in the open air

So there it was -- the main event. Ashlee strained to feel arousal of her own, but found only numbness. Maybe it was the frigid basement? Was she allowed to ask for some kind of cover? She probably could.

“Do you have a blanket or something? It’s a little cold down here.”

Daryl bounded off to obey her command, which made her feel slightly better about the whole sordid car crash she was living through. Soldiering on, she pulled off her jeans and folded them, recreating her stack with the trousers on the bottom.

What of the panties? Looking at Daryl's heap of clothes, Ashlee felt a bit silly about her squeamishness over used underwear. She got up and stumbled around the room searching for a discarded shopping bag, anything that would keep the panties from touching her clean clothes. She upset a torchiere lamp, then stepped on something plastic that cracked. Finally, she laid eyes on a printer next to a computer on a desk. When the half naked Daryl returned with a red comforter, she was bent over the desk, flattening the panties on a blank sheet of paper.

“What are you doing?” said Daryl, puzzled.

She quickly folded the paper and panties into sixths and returned to the sofa, adding the little parcel to the stack on the table. She became frightfully aware that she was walking around naked in Daryl Campbell’s basement. She snatched the comforter away from him with curt thanks, bundled herself in it, and lay on the couch.

Daryl frowned. “You know, if you really don’t want to do this --”

Ashlee with effort, pasted on a smile. “No, it’s fine, I’m doing it. I’m just not sure what comes next.”

Daryl sat next to Ashlee’s feet and pulled the edge of the blanket over his lap, his tentpole reminding Aslee of a grotesque circus in a picture book. He reached under and stroked her buttocks. “Let me show you.”

Ashlee suddenly realized she'd been watching herself from the outside, like a movie. Here comes the worst part. Daryl slid under the cover and stroked Ashlee’s vagina. The tip of a finger penetrated, and Ashlee saw herself bite her lip to endure the violation. She couldn’t feel either sensation, though. She was a complete spectator. Then, even stranger, she heard a voice much higher than Daryl’s: “Touch it.”

The room flickered and dissolved, leaving only the couch. I don’t remember this part. Now she saw her companion was Felicity! The girl on the couch was convulsing and weeping inconsolably. Don’t cry, Ashlee! It’s Felicity. She won’t hurt you!

“Touch it with this.” Felicity pressed a running vibrator into the sobbing girl’s hand. Even standing to the side, Ashlee could feel the trembling device all over her body. Odd, though; it wasn’t humming steadily, it was pulsing, like a -- like a …

Ashlee’s eyes opened into a dim gray room. She pulled her insistently buzzing phone out from under the pillow. “6:20. Snooze? Off?” glowed out of the screen into her painful, unadjusted eyes.

Snooze. Ashlee rolled onto her back, brushing against Felicity’s slumbering form to her right. That was weird. She played the surreal experience back. That was exactly how it happened up till the end. And I remember everything.

Ashlee continued to reflect. Were dreams supposed to mean something? Why had she pulled that memory out of the vault? While her three times with boys in high school had been horrible, the first was unique in its hideous novelty. Ashlee wondered if she was ever going to relive any of the good stuff from college next.

She stroked Felicity’s hip under the covers. Felicity's somnolent breathing stuttered and sighed. Ashlee touched herself lightly with her left hand while the right toyed under the elastic of Felicity's waistband. This was different. Not only was Ashlee physically satisfied, Felicity filled the hole in her spirit, too.

At 6:27, her custom snooze time expired. The phone blinked, shook, and softly began to chime for her attention. This time, Ashlee opted for “off”, but otherwise didn’t budge.

Felicity’s muzzy voice came out of the darkness: “Are you okay, babe? Are you going to get up?”

“I had a dream, Felicity. I never have dreams.”

Felicity rolled toward Ashlee. “Everyone has dreams, babe.” Felicity picked up Ashlee’s hand. “Was I in it?”

“Yes.”

“Was it nice?”

“You were in it.”

Felicity moaned playfully and kissed Ashlee’s hand. “Mmmmm! Do you want to have a dream come true?”

“Oh, Felicity, I have to get up.”

“We can be fast. We’ll pull out the big guns.” Felicity leaned away for a quick rummage in her nightstand, then returned with a toy that purred to life as she wriggled out of her pajamas.

Ashlee’s nightshirt and underwear were off in a flash. She found her own vibrator, then threw her right leg over Felicity’s left. They intertwined, turning to face each other. Felicity kissed Ashlee, first on her cheek, then lingering on her lips, making Ashlee’s body smolder with the nascent sparks of desire. Felicity’s hand guided Ashlee’s between their bodies, then followed with her own. Felicity was right about one thing; this wasn’t going to take long at all.

***

The sex ended up a bit messy. Ashlee finished first, about a minute before Felicity, with four or five jerks and a couple of gasps. As usual, the winner of the race turned back to help the runner-up over the finish line. With the extra set of hands Ashlee lent, Felicity came suddenly and forcefully, shaking all over and accidentally sending a stream of fluid spraying across Ashlee’s chest and face.

Ashlee laughed. “Watch where you point that thing!”

Felicity felt a tinge of embarrassment pour through her. It was something Ashlee was still getting used to. Felicity had been on estrogen long enough that she didn’t get erections and the glans was a fully functional clitoris, but the best orgasms sometimes came with a squirt.

Felicity’s emotions must have shown on her face. Ashlee froze the way she did when she was processing regret, then apologized. “I’m sorry Felicity, I wasn’t trying to be mean.”

Felicity smiled. That’s all she needed to hear. “No, it’s fine. That was a big one, and it got away from me, sorry.”

Ashlee dabbed at the pool on her left breast. “That’s a lot. I guess you had a good time. Glad I could help.”

Ashlee hopped up, still nude, carrying her clothes to the bathroom to wipe up her mess. Felicity lay for a moment, then she rose as well, remembering the surprise she'd readied for Ashlee.

Ashlee came back into the bedroom clean and clothed. She threw the panties in a hamper, and finding Felicity ambulatory, asked, “Are you up? Let’s make the bed.”

Ashlee ripped the blanket off. Felicity helped straighten and flatten the top sheet, but left the corners to Ashlee while she stacked pillows. For the blanket, Felicity attempted a hospital corner on her side, but it looked like a baggy jeans pocket.

“That’s getting better,” encouraged Ashlee. “You just need to make sure you get the angle right before you start tucking."

"I have that problem too, sometimes," Felicity joked.

Ashlee giggled, then said, "I'm going to grab a shower."

Once the water started, Felicity had five minutes: three while Ashlee bathed, and another two while she toweled down the shower stall. Felicity reached into a garment bag in the back of her side of the closet and extracted a blue light jacket and skirt of light wool that she had picked up at the thrift store last week. She had been saving it as a surprise for this Thursday. Her baby was going to be beautiful today.

The water stopped. Felicity was already pantsless. Now she belted up her downstairs and pulled a long shirt on, wearing it like a miniskirt. When Ashlee emerged from the steam wrapped in a towel, Felicity was posing, each piece of the suit dangling from either hand.

Ashlee stopped short. “Oh, it’s today?” She stepped closer. With the hand that wasn’t holding up the towel, she held up the fabric for inspection. “Am I wearing pantyhose with this?”

“Your choice.”

“I’d rather not, and I shaved on Sunday. Shirt?”

“Ivory. You’ll wear those ivory flats to go with it.”

“Jewelry?”

“Not necessary.”

Felicity beamed giddily as Ashlee stepped into the skirt. Felicity was happier than she had been in years. Felicity felt like a princess, and Ashlee was her queen. Whether that made Ashlee her mother too, she didn’t care to consider. She’d called home ten times in the last six weeks gushing to Mom and Dad about her girlfriend, the beautiful lawyer. Dad was enthusiastic. Mom was more reserved, worried about her shacking up without a backup plan. Felicity, however, hadn’t got this far by looking ahead. God, Fate, or something was guiding her now.

Mom had planted a germ in the dark corners of Felicity’s mind. In the blackness, ideas grew like mushrooms that had to be whacked down from time to time. It was tough living with Ashlee sometimes, an only child who liked things just so. Whack! They would eventually meet halfway. Also, Ashlee kept promising to come out to her family and introduce Felicity. Her own parents knew as much about Ashlee as she did, but as far as Ashlee’s parents were aware, their daughter, 250 miles away, was a successful single career woman establishing herself before she found the right man. Whack! Felicity was the biggest thing ever to happen to Ashlee, and it would spill out soon.

Felicity saw the now completely dressed Ashlee stow her nightclothes in the closet. To Felicity's embarrassment, Ashlee reached over to Felicity’s side of the closet and lay hands on the colored skirts that hung mixed on the rod. Ashlee recoiled and spun around flushing.

“I’m sorry. Those are yours,” she apologized. Ashlee then sped away from the closet. Felicity, smiling sweetly to herself, shuffled the clothes, putting like colors together in rainbow order, then followed her love to the kitchen.

Felicity found Ashlee drying the sink. The slosh of the dishwasher put Felicity acutely in mind of the cereal bowl she’d left there before going to bed. She searched for a memory of spilling on the counter, but came up doubtfully empty.

Ashlee then resumed her packing for the day ahead. Felicity had cooked Sunday, and loaded the blue box with a hearty meatloaf and brussels sprouts that she was intensely proud of. Ahlee slipped it into her tote, and turned to speak to Felicity.

“Are you going to be here this morning?”

Felicity nodded. “Yes, I think so.”

“Would you please take out the trash and run some laundry?”

“Sure, babe!” Felicity loved doing her part around the house.

“Make sure you grab the clothes out and hang them as soon as they’re done,” reminded Ashlee. “That way they don’t get wrinkled.”

That was smart. “Okay, yeah, I’ll do that.”

“Thanks. I have one more thing for you. Can you call the college, please?”

Felicity cringed. That had been on the list for a while. “Oh, right, how long do I have for that?”

Ashlee knew. “Three weeks on Friday, but you need to start in the summer term if you’re going to get that certification by the end of next year. I don’t -- you don’t want to be last minute with college, even NVCC, believe me.”

“I will call as soon as they open, which is …”

“Nine.” Good thing she knows, Felicity thought.

Ashlee finished packing, then asked, “Do you want to try to go to NOVAGAY tonight? I know you’ve been trying to get me there.”

NOVAGAY -- short for Northern Virginia -- was a small LGBTQ+ group that met in their neighborhood Tuesday nights. Felicity was, in fact, trying to involve Ashlee in the community a bit more. She was thrilled that Ashlee had remembered on her own.

“Yes, of course! Well, actually -- oh, shoot!” Ashlee leveled a questioning gaze at her. “I forgot, I said I’d close at Kalamata tonight. Sorry”

Ashlee sighed. “When did you do that?”

Felicity hung her head. “A couple of days ago.”

Ashlee reached out and squeezed Felicity’s shoulder. “It’s okay,” Ashlee reassured her, “We’ll try again next time. Let me send you a calendar app for your phone, so we can put all this stuff on there and share our schedules.”

“That’s a really good idea,” agreed Felicity. "That way I can put my shifts on as soon as I find out.”

Ashlee shouldered her bags, then pulled Felicity down for a long kiss.

“I’ll see you soon, Felicity.”

“Bye, babe.”

Felicity watched her leave and continued staring at the closed door. It would be nice if she could have more free evenings. Everyone's looking for waitresses these days, she pondered. I wonder …

***

Stetson Logistics was in a flurrying tizzy. El Paso’s main priority was a Border Patrol contract, a delicate $10 million baby that a team of over a dozen marketers, lawyers, and accountants were nursing through the Department of Homeland Security. Ashlee arrived in the office to find that she and Josh had been handed a healthy slice of legal review. With the poise of an Olympic diver, Ashlee swept through the deep end of a sea of federal regulations, swimming like a doughty dolphin rounding up schools of fish for the kill.

Josh called off the hunt for lunch just after noon. Ashlee wobbled down the hall to the breakroom. After a morning with her nose in the books, she was having trouble finding her legs in the real world. She was dying to get at the huge meal that Felicity had crammed into her blue lunch box.

Ashlee found the breakroom door shut -- locked, actually. Someone had finally fixed the doorknob. The new lock, however, was keyed alike with the front door, so it was more of a reminder to knock before barging in. She heard Uyen and Sarah muffled through the door. Dizzy for want of nourishment, Ashlee dispensed with the ritual rap with her friends. Sarah and Uyen were at the table, the ruins of a delivery lunch between them.

“That’s not a very useful way of looking at it, Sarah,” Uyen was saying. The two were a study in contrast: Uyen wore a smart gray heather suit; and Sarah, from her toes to the ribbon in her hair, was a sweeping gradient of vibrant, almost tropical colors, as if she had been poured by a champion Carribean bartender.

“Well, I don’t feel so fucking useful right now, Uyen!” Sarah answered. She was apparently finished with Uyen’s objections for the moment, for she crossed her arms and grumpily greeted the newcomer: “Hey, Ash.”

Ashlee scooted behind Sarah to get to the refrigerator. “Hey, guys. Is everything okay?”

Uyen snorted. “Yeah, it’s fine. Office politics.” Ashlee looked doubtfully over her shoulder as she set her food to warm up in the microwave. Uyen elaborated, "She just got a talking-to from Mrs. Blake about skipping steps. Sarah’s just figuring out that the world doesn’t bend to her will.” This drew a stuck-out tongue from Sarah, punctuated by a pair of flipped birds.

Uyen scoffed at Sarah’s indignation. “It’s a hard lesson to learn. You should have seen me in college. I wasn’t always this perfect. Hey, tell Ashlee about your boyfriend, that’ll cheer you up.”

Sarah’s bright green eyes flashed and she twisted toward Ashlee with a keen aspect. “You're not going to goddamn believe this, Ashlee!"

Ashlee groped for context. “Oh, this must be the thing Felicity saw on Discord. You're dating some guy in the Army, right?"

“Jeff," Sarah uttered in soupy worship.

"She's got it bad," Uyen interpreted.

Sarah ignored her and began her tale. "So he came over last night. He lives in barracks, so --"

"That's like dorms for the Army. “ Uyen interjected.

Sarah kept rolling: “Right, so getting off post --”

"That's the base. Fort Myer. They call it ‘post’."

" Quit it, Uyen! “ Uyen showed her palms in surrender. Sarah continued, "Getting to stay off post is a big deal. He came over Monday night, too, so with Saturday, that makes three dates. So he cooked for me, then we had a couple of drinks and sat on the couch for a while. “

"Doing what?“ asked Ashlee.

Sarah rolled her eyes. “We watched Star Trek, okay?"

Ashlee grinned at Sarah. “Getting straight to the hard core stuff, I see."

"You wouldn't understand. So we just cuddled for a while. I think I kissed him first, like on the cheek. We made out, then he stopped and was like” -- Sarah dropped her voice into a low monotone -- “‘That was really nice. Thank you. Can I just keep my arm around you here and put a hand here?’”

Sarah scooted her chair around right beside Uyen’s, so they were both facing Ashlee. “It was like this,” she explained, then yanked Uyen’s right hip up to her left. In the twinkling of an eye, she was cradling Uyen’s left hip in her left hand, with the right resting on Uyen’s thigh. Sarah tried to kiss her hair, but Uyen yipped in protest and nearly shoved Sarah out of her chair.

Ashlee laughed. This was better than a movie. “I don’t know what turns me on more, this or Captain Kirk.”

"God, it was Deep Space Nine." Sarah rolled her eyes and tossed her hair. "Anyway, we fell asleep like that. We both woke up at like 12:30. He said he needed to be at work at 7:30, and could he just crash for a few hours. “

The microwave beeped. Ashlee took her food out and started eating while Sarah caught her breath. Ashlee looked from Uyen to Sarah and back. Uyen nodded, smirking, and said, “Just wait."

Sarah continued, “I said, ‘Do you want the bed or the couch?‘ He said that the bed sounded more comfortable, did I mind if he wore his clothes. I said sure. So he went on his back on the left side. I was dressed down anyway, so I hopped in, too. I wasn't done cuddling, so I grabbed his arm --” Sarah reached across Uyen for another reenactment, but Uyen answered with a resounding smack “-- Ow! Yeah, I got him to spoon me and put his hand in my tummy. We just stayed like that till we went to sleep again.”

Ashlee gasped. "No way! You actually, literally, just slept together? My God, Sarah. What's happened to you?“

Sarah shrugged in bewilderment, then chewed a thumbnail. “He didn't try anything, he didn't feel me up. He didn't even say anything except thanks for letting him stay and asking if I was comfortable. We were just lying there. But, goddamn, I wanted to fuck him!"

"There is hope for the male species, after all," Uyen philosophized.

Sarah went on. "He's not gay. I know that for good and goddamn sure now, unless he keeps a flashlight in his pocket for emergencies.”

Uyen exploded with laughter, and Ashlee tried to keep from spitting out her lunch. After swallowing, Ashlee asked, “So what do you think is going on?”

Uyen answered for Sarah, "You could just ask the guy.“

"I mean, yeah, I do really like him … "

“You don't want to look too eager, I guess," concluded Ashlee.

Sarah sniffed, "That's pretty rich coming from you, Miss Live-in-ski. Tell me at least you're getting some. You were pretty light on your feet this morning. Did Spider-Man pay you a visit this morning? “

Uyen squinted and cocked her head. "Spider-Man?“

Sarah leaned into Uyen’s shoulder and fixed her with a sultry leer. Then she slowly lifted her left fist in front of Uyen’s face, extending her index and pinky, then wiggling her thumb.

Uyen gagged. “Oh my God! Gross!“ She popped up and dragged her chair to a safe distance before sitting back down.

Ashlee chewed thoughtfully on a bite of lunch. A chance for one-upwomanship on Sarah? Why not?

She swallowed. “You know what Sarah? Felicity and I did screw this morning. Just woke up and went to town. We were all over each other -- and -- and ---” She gave up. She simply didn’t have Sarah's stamina for sexual bravado. “Well, it was pretty good, I’ll tell you that.”

What was becoming an awkward exchange met a timely end when the door flew open and in charged Josh. “Ashlee! Drop what you’re doing. We’ve got a problem.”

Ashlee came to attention. Sarah and Uyen hurriedly cleared the table for a discreet exit, but Josh paid them no heed, barrelling ahead, “You know Homburg Transport?”

Ashlee had the reply to hand immediately. “Trucking subcontractor out of Las Cruces. What about them?”

Josh let out a growling sigh of frustration. “Almost half the managers have ties to some company on a federal watch list. We cannot have any connection to anything like that. Burnham in El Paso” -- Ashlee mentally pulled up the associate counsel at the home office -- “is working the Homburg side. You need to dig into that watch list and the regs around it. Burnham is sending you the files on the Homburg guys. You need to figure out how we can put up a wall between us and the watch list.”

Ashlee’s mouth nearly watered at the idea. Finally, she was doing it; really lawyering! “What’s the timeline?”

“Friggin’ yesterday, Ashlee. Get after it!”

Grabbing the remaining portion of lunch, Ashlee’s skirt fairly fluttered in her wake as she pounded back to the office. Within twenty minutes she had three volumes of regulations on her desk and was printing a dozen GSA bulletins. She plunged into her own universe and remained immersed until the janitor complimented her suit at six. She loaded a white corrugated mail tote with documents. At least I have the apartment to myself tonight, she thought, relieved.

***

Ashlee staggered into her apartment around seven under the burden of her usual backpack and lunch tote, plus the mailing box. Homburg’s problems immediately evaporated from her consciousness, though, replaced by the sight of orange spots on the stove. She flung her load on the floor and dispatched the soil with a paper towel. She folded the offending matter into the center of the towel, and wiped out the hard-water streaks in the sink. She went to dispose of the filth, and found the same wrappers that she had left there that morning. "Felicity ..." she grumbled aloud.

The stress of her afternoon’s labors and schlepping the carton of papers around the Metro had pushed her temper far enough. She gulped down a welling pique and tried to refocus on her work, defying her urge to check the laundry. She rolled out her desk from its corner to in front of the couch, and arrayed her work in an arc on the floor and seats around her. She had just reentered her world when a tall dark figure, topped by a disheveled black haystack, appeared at her elbow.

“Hey, babe!” Felicity yawned.

Ashlee started, then gaped at Felicity. “Why are you here?” she demanded in a tone blending shock and irritation. “Were you in there taking a nap the whole time? Why aren’t you at work?”

Felicity grinned and tossed her hair, responding breezily, “I quit.”

“You fucking what?”

Ashlee’s curt snap caused a wave of doubt to wash over Felicity’s face. Felicity stammered, “Uh … no, it’s a good thing. You know how we don’t have evenings together a lot of the time? Well, I started looking around, and that diner up the street at the exit was hiring. They don’t serve dinner, you see, and it would line up our hours better. So, it’s really going to work out great.”

Ashlee stood to face her. Usually, Felicity radiated with the affection reflected from Ashlee, but now only a misty reddish blackness filled the space. Ashlee reached out and clasped Felicity’s trembling left hand in both of her own, trying to remember that she loved this woman. She beat a rising tide of anger back to her stomach. Ashlee closed her eyes, inhaled deeply, and opening them to meet Felicity’s anxious gaze, found a calm, even voice.

“So, you spent the day job hunting.” The trash, the stove, and the sink crept back into her recollection. “Please tell me you called the college.”

Felicity's chin drooped and she drew a long wheezing breath. “I -- I -- I forgot. I’m sorry.”

“Goddammit! Felicity!” Ashlee exclaimed, flinging the hand out of her grasp. “Can’t you think straight? Can’t you remember anything? Some shit is important! You can’t just drop your future -- our future! -- when you get a wild hair up your ass! We’re not going to get anywhere if you can’t learn to take care of yourself. I’ve got enough to fucking do without babysitting you, too! Get it together. Shit!”

Ashlee stomped off to the kitchen and leaned her brow on the refrigerator, pounding the door twice with the open heel of her right hand. Her breath came and went in ragged rasps before suddenly abating. She froze. Alarms came from the back of her brain. Oh, no. Oh, God! Tears seeped through her clenched eyelids. I just yelled at Felicity. I cursed at her. She hates me!

Ashlee retraced her steps, and found Felicity, though turned to face her, was affixed to the same spot. Ashlee approached and Felicity recoiled, but apprehending Ashlee tears, Felicity melted and ran to her rescue. Felicity swept Ashlee up in a crushing embrace, stroking and kissing her hair.

Ashlee brokenly tried to reconcile. “Felicity, I’m sorry. Oh, God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t -- I couldn’t -- please, Felicity, don’t …“ Hunching in Felicity’s arms, Ashlee tried to say something worthwhile, but her words dissolved into jolts of hiccuping sobs. She re-buried her face in her lover’s chest.

“Shh. Ashlee,” Felicity whispered in her ear, “I know you’re angry. I know I disappointed you. It’s alright, we’ll get through this together. I love you.”

Ashlee twisted her head, freeing her mouth to say, “You can’t. I’m a monster! All you do is love me, and I’m horrible.”

“Ashlee, you hurt me, but you’re not horrible. I’ll try again. I can see how important it is to you.”

Ashlee returned her face into Felicity’s breasts. It would never change. Felicity would never get her life together, never set goals, never follow through. The more it happened, the angrier Ashlee would become, and the more she would lash out. They would break up, and Felicity would be a homeless girl on the streets. Felicity was the first to show her unconditional love, and that’s how it would end. Felicity would hate her forever, and Ashlee would die alone and hiding from herself. This was a huge mistake, Ashlee told herself. I can never be with anybody. I don’t deserve it!

Felicity repeated, “I love you, Ashlee.”

Ashlee answered only with silence.