Any Way Out - 3. Conflict!

The train rocked and screeched under Felicity as it wound its way beneath the nation’s capital. The car wasn’t crowded. The morning crush was just about over, but groups of chatty tourists on their way to the Smithsonian and a couple handfuls of sullen locals shared the car with her.

She checked her messages for the hundredth time this morning, to go along with the hourly checks that had broken her slumber the night before. No one could cover her yet. This was getting serious. She’d given up on sleep about 6:30. She'd pulled on more or less the same outfit as Wednesday. Her face and eyes had looked a little haggard in the mirror, but her hair had been surprisingly manageable. She'd felt the urge to paint over the face with some extra makeup, but she washed off three successive rounds, each having left her appearance somewhere between a hooker and a circus clown.

The fourth had been on point. If only Robert could see me now, she said to her reflection in the train’s window. Her dolled up face had drawn a couple of catcalls from the street people she said hello to every morning. They hadn’t, however, commented on how early she was. She'd vacated the loft at eight, and boarded the Metro at half past. Now it was nearly nine. Her plan had been to show up to work at ten and shake down each of her co-workers in person until one said yes to Friday night.

She pulled her phone from her flat, powder blue purse again and checked the map. There was service throughout the metro, but the GPS was sketchy. At this rate, she would be standing outside Kalamata for like 45 minutes before someone showed up with a key. Then a marker popped up on the map: Stetson Logistics - recently viewed. Ashlee didn’t have much of a digital footprint, so Felicity had contented herself by worshiping her headshot on the company website.

It wasn’t far from Metro Center. Only one more stop before hers. No, that’s crazy. Then again there were 45 minutes or so to kill. What harm would it do just to walk by? Could harm her plenty if someone called the cops for loitering. The speakers announced Metro Center as the station burst into being around the rushing train. They lurched to a stop and the doors hissed open. For a moment Felicity did and thought nothing, but in a flash she leapt from her seat as if it had bitten her. As she unfolded herself from the bench, she caught a male standee who had been stealing glances in her direction now marveling at being eye to eye, and another clearly trying to calculate from his seat how far up he would come on her. She flashed a grin at each of them. “Everyone deserves a smile” was a tenet she lived by. Besides, half a second after she slipped through them, the doors snapped safely shut behind her and the train whined away again. No harm done, and maybe their days would be a bit brighter for it.

Now what? Felicity made her way up to the street and oriented herself. She still hadn’t been in the city long enough to get a sense of which direction she was facing outside a Metro station. Glancing at her phone, she struck out up the street. After a brisk thirty seconds’ walk, her phone instructed her to turn around, and she whirled about into a collision with a woman in a chef’s uniform. Felicity barely had time to stammer out an apology before the woman grumbled and moved on with her life. Chagrined at the amused stares of her fellow pedestrians, she sped on in her new direction.

She arrived at an unassuming glass door and peered in. A couple of elevator doors stared out from the little lobby. What had she expected? She gave the door a furtive yank. It rattled in its frame slightly, but the lock held it fast. She felt the eyes of every passer-by burning into her as she stood, flaccid and flushing from her foolishness.

She stood feeling silly for an endless minute, but a moment before she decided to make a run for work, she recognized a short woman carrying a tray of four coffees in her direction. Felicity remembered. She had been in the restaurant on Monday with that blond woman, Sarah. She had actually talked to her when they checked out, and she had a pretty name that she’d remarked on. The approaching woman looked quizzical as Felicity scrambled to remember it. It was something unusual, she said it was Vietnamese, it was spelled differently than it sounded . . .

“Uyen!” Felicity finally blurted. Uyen stopped short and stared, but soon recognition swept across her face.

“Oh, you’re from the restaurant.” Uyen gasped. “You’re Ashlee’s waitress, aren’t you?” She seemed instantly to regret this remark, but Felicity was thrilled that Ashlee had told people about her. That put a smile on her face, and Uyen relaxed, but after a moment she glanced at the door and looked a little suspicious. Doubt darkened Uyen’s eyes. “Did she invite you up or something?”

Felicity’s face warmed, “Um, I just thought I’d walk by. I don’t know why. I’m just going to work. I’m sorry, I guess it’s weird.”

“A little stalker-ish, maybe,” Uyen agreed. “Did you think you would just run into her?”

Felicity started to tremble a little. This tiny woman was starting to loom over her, somehow. She wanted to run, but she just couldn’t until Uyen released her.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! It was so stupid, I’m just going to go. Just tell her I said hi, okay?”

Felicity was wound like a spring, ready to dash at Uyen’s slightest acknowledgement. She nearly fell over when Uyen said, “Hold on a second.”

Felicity stayed wound as Uyen considered her, then continued, “I remember, when I was fifteen, I used to walk back and forth in front of some boy’s house. I never figured out what would happen if he actually came outside.”

A nervous, chuckling “Oh, really” somehow squeaked out of Felicity’s stopped throat, and after a pause Uyen resumed, “Besides that my dad would find out and lock me in the back room of his store.” Another few seconds passed in the relative silence of the street. “You know, I saw Ashlee really smile for the first time yesterday. We’ve been working together for months, and I felt like I didn't really know her till yesterday. You must have made an impression.”

Felicity stood dumb, waiting for this to develop. Uyen continued: “I think this is really good for Ashlee.” Uyen chewed on her lip while Felicity silently begged to be let go. “You know what would be fun?” Felicity couldn't imagine what. Uyen thrust the tray of coffee at Felicity. “Delivery girl: Help me carry these up. There’s a tip in it for you.”

Felicity, feeling light as a feather, staggered under the weight of the tray. A moment later, Uyen produced a white card from an oversized white purse and waved it in front of the door handle. The latch clicked and Uyen threw it wide open, waving Felicity in. “Well, come on!” she urged.

Uyen called an elevator, which arrived a moment later. Felicity imagined the doors opening into a dark forest path that she couldn’t see the end of. Uyen was right; this was teenage girl behavior. At the lightest of touches on her back from Uyen, though, Felicity was plunged in. Uyen followed, punching the third floor key and sidling up to Felicity’s elbow in the stuffy, cramped space. Felicity looked down and caught Uyen craning her neck up with wonder in her eyes. A moment too late, Uyen snapped her face forward and stared at the doors until they opened, then strode out a little more briskly than necessary. Felicity trailed after, deftly gimballing the tray in her hand.

Uyen led Felicity down a hallway and stopped at an unmarked door. Poising a key at the knob, she knocked cryptically, and at a muffled “Come on” from inside, Uyen turned the lock and they passed through. A pair of men in dress shirts and loosened ties stooped over a cubicle followed the women with their disbelieving eyes. Uyen smiled at them, but less in friendship and more like a tigress’ bared teeth defending a cub. The men were back at their work when Felicity trailed Uyen through another door, into a hall, and approached an ajar door labeled “LEGAL”.

Shushing Felicity, Uyen surreptitiously sang into the crack, “Ashlee, I brought you something tall and dark …”

***

Ashlee had woken on time this morning. At 6:30 she was making her bed, hanging up her nightclothes, showering, donning her charcoal suit with a blue shirt and packing her blue lunchbox. She had stopped for a few minutes, however, and impulsively taking a makeup brush, evened out her pallid countenance with some foundation. She’d had a chilling vision of herself as a Japanese geisha, and opening a bathroom drawer all the way to the back, had found a compact with blush. She’d groped in her memory for exactly how this was supposed to work. After an excruciating ten minutes, she was reminding herself of something about women in concentration camps painting their faces with blood to appear healthier, but there hadn’t been any more time to deal with it. 7:40 had found her out the door to the Metro.

Excepting the clumsy makeup experiment, the sheer normality made it seem as if she’d skipped from Tuesday straight to Thursday, with Wednesday nothing more than an absurd fever dream. She could quite possibly never see that woman again, and Ashlee was already consigning Felicity to the blackness with her other suppressed memories.

Josh was still out, and Ashlee was sorting through another set of his jotted thoughts, this time on a tangle of sticky notes. She had already color coded them, and was transcribing them onto a legal pad, while pasting the little squares into a precise formation on blank paper, with the intent of photocopying and filing them. This was again done minus the coffee. She checked her watch. Uyen was usually as good as her word, but she hadn’t yet appeared with the promised refreshment.

From the hall came the soft clicks and surreptitious steps that accompanied a back-door entrance. The door, left ajar in anticipation of the coming coffee was soon filled by the oddly musical voice of Uyen: “Ashlee, I brought you something tall and dark”

Ashlee retorted, “Doesn’t ‘tall’ mean ‘small’? If it’s less than sixteen ounces, Uyen…”

The door opened, but instead of Uyen, an enormous terrified-looking woman was being shoved through. The vision hesitantly gave tongue: “Your coffee, madam?”

Ashlee’s mind raced through the upper strata of her subconscious to retrieve and install the suddenly-necessary memories. You met this person yesterday. Her name is Felicity. It made you happy. Now she’s here. Do something! came as an urgent communique from her entire brain. A cascade of questions jockeyed for precedence. Unfortunately, the one that squeaked out was, “You’re here?”

Ashlee’s salvation came in the form of Uyen stepping out from behind Felicity. “Say ‘thank you’, Ashlee,” she suggested, picking a cup from the tray and placing it on the desk. She wrenched the rest away from Felicity. “I have to take these to Tina and Mrs. Blake. I’ll be back in a couple of minutes to see our guest out.” With that, she whisked away down the hall.

Ashlee was struggling to cope. Anger flashed throughout her body first. Uyen had sneaked a stranger into the office for the sole purpose of embarrassing Ashlee in front of the most attractive woman she’d ever met, in a ridiculous move that could end her relationship with Felicity forever. Dread, fury, libido, and mortification. The dizzying maelstrom of emotion rocked Ashlee as more memories slammed into place. This happened twice yesterday, didn’t it? She wasn’t sure if she could stem the brimming tide of tears.

Felicity came to her rescue. “I’m sorry, Ashlee. This is all my fault. I saw Uyen on the street and she put me up to it. I was afraid it would embarrass us or make you angry. Are you okay?”

Suddenly, Ashlee was. At least, she became neutral. She was perceiving Felicity as a benevolent goddess answering an unsaid prayer for peace. She felt as if she could allow herself to be in Felicity’s hands for a few moments. Ashlee nodded weakly at Felicity and smiled.

Felicity said, “Let’s try to enjoy this. What a nice little office! Have you really read all these books? What are you doing this morning? Or is it a secret?”

Ashlee cleared her throat and felt her mood brighten. “It’s not really a secret, just a little boring. You see, Josh sits there” -- she indicated the desk strewn with books, notes and disused cups -- “but a lot of the time he’s out with our clients or consulting with marketing. He gets here early and leaves me notes. He needs them put into memorandum form.” Ashlee was getting a little self conscious now. Would Felicity think she was some kind of secretary or slave? “Er, a lot of the time he asks for my opinion on his work, or wants me to do research, or I find mistakes that he didn’t notice.” That was slightly better.

“He must really trust you, then.” said Felicity.

“Yeah, I guess he does. Now that you mention it, he doesn’t talk down to me, or try to hit on me or anything, even before he found out I was gay. He really can’t do it without me.” Ahleys chest was filling with unaccustomed self-esteem, nearly lifting her off her feet

Felicity picked up and examined the sheet of sticky notes. “Colorful! You must really love rainbow order. Is it a Pride thing?”

Ashlee shook her head. “No, I never have done a lot of Pride stuff. I got the habit from Mom. She likes things in order, too, but the only rainbow she appreciates is from Noah’s Ark.”

Felicity set the paper down and eyed Josh’s desk. “Isn’t that just like a man, though, letting a woman clean up after him and do his dirty work? I used to know a boy called Robert who was messy like this. It made me realize how gross they are. If I had a desk, though, it would probably look more like this than yours.”

“Boys are gross, you’re right. I used to date them before I went to college.” Ashlee rounded the corner of the desk that separated them. This was becoming fun. “Was Robert your boyfriend?”

Felicity blinked into the distance. “No, we were just close. He died a couple of years ago.”

Ashlee edged nearer. “That’s sad.” Ashlee was suddenly so close, she had to clasp her own hands to keep from accidentally touching.

“We all miss him,” sighed Felicity. She leaned her face closer to Ashlee. “I just noticed your makeup. You did a really good job.” Ashlee colored under the powder as Felicity raised a hand gently, not quite touching Ashlee’s cheek. “You look really pretty.”

Ashlee took the outstretched hand in her own. Fire passed between them. Ashlee pushed up onto her toes, meeting Felicity eye-to eye. She replied in a mumbling murmur, “So do you.”

“Thanks. I was hoping you would get to see it.” Felicity’s words spilled a wave of hot breath over Ashlee’s lips.

Knock, knock, knock. “Time's up, kids.” Ashlee peered around Felicity’s shoulder and saw Uyen in the open door, pointedly looking down the hall.

Uyen earnestly exhorted, "Let's get you out of here before more people see. Don't worry about those two guys in Marketing, they're cool.”

Felicity’s phone buzzed just then, and she leapt when she read the message. “I’m covered for tomorrow night! Ashlee, can you still come at seven?”

“Y-yes! Of course!” Ashlee nearly shrieked. “I’ll bring my car. I can’t wait!”

This time Uyen had to shove Felicity out of the door, the bigger woman still grinning and waving over her shoulder. Uyen hadn’t quite smuggled Felicity back across the hall when something shrill echoed down the passage: “Hey, Uyen, where’s my coffee? Wait, who was … ?

Sarah filled the door of Ashlee’s office, a hungry, predatory smile on her face. “You. Me. Breakroom. Now.”

Picking up her coffee, Ashlee thought, I suppose I have a few minutes for the woman who made this possible. She casually followed a few seconds behind Sarah.

***

When she arrived, Sarah was already seated at the far side of the little table amongst the fridge and vending machines, a knowing smirk on her face. She pushed out the other chair, nearer to Ashlee.

"Spill," ordered Sarah.

Approaching the table, Ashlee pushed the chair back in and leaned on it. She couldn’t quite bring herself to sit down in the breakroom during work. “Spill what?”

“I saw Miss Tall Dark and Handsome coming out of your office just now. Don’t tell me she was here to negotiate a DOD food-service contract.”

”Quiet!” Ashlee whispered. She turned and tried to shut the door, but it never closed properly. It usually sprang open at the slightest suggestion of a draft. She balanced the latch precariously and returned to the table.

“Don’t play with me, Ash, we’ve known each other for too long. When I left you two, you lost in each others’ eyes. It was better than a movie. Totally hot.”

“Uh, weird?” said Ashlee.Her stomach did one turn. She was a little uncomfortable about having a starring role in Sarah’s “finger vault” as she sometimes put it. Where was this conversation going?

“C’mon, Ash, we’re friends. You can talk to me. Don’t leave anything out!”

Ashlee thought for a moment. It was different to be telling Sarah about her own exploits. She had never known what had made Sarah, the blond bombshell, take mousy-brown Ashlee under her wing. Sarah had always had something raunchy to relate, and though she only dated men, Ashlee got entertainment by picturing her conquests as women. Even her little story might now help even the score.

“Okay, so we went out and found a bench …”

The recounting was a little dry, but Sasrah tried to suck every drop of moisture she could find. When she had gotten the tale back to her return to the office, Ashlee stopped. “By the way, where were you?”

Sarah shrugged. “I gave you a cover story in case there was any trouble. You’re welcome, by the way. Blake said we could go home, and I figured Tina or Uyen would be here when you got back, so I left.”

“Is that why you didn’t get coffee?” Ashlee speculated.

Sarah growled, “Don’t change the subject. How did she get in here?”

Ashlee didn't have much in the way of details here, but she revealed what she could. Sarah started getting interested when they were alone in the office, but was disappointed by the ending.

“Almost?” Sarah barked, frustrated. “You had her by yourself and the best you could do was ‘almost’?”

“Keep it down!” urged Ashlee. “This is a workplace. Was I supposed to bend her over the desk?”

Sarah slumped into a pout. “It would have been a start. Tell me you at least got digits.”

“Of course.”

“A date?”

“Yes. I’m picking her up from her work tomorrow night.”

“Shit, yeah! Get it girl!” Sarah smacked the table, and Ashlee thought she heard a click and the grinding of hinges behind her. “I’ve still got it!. I’m already dying to hear what happens. Get some for me, okay?”

Ashlee turned this cryptic remark over in her head. She wasn’t sure exactly what it meant, but knowing Sarah, she could guess. Ashlee was already irritated by this conversation, and she felt her throat tighten as anger gripped her. Felicity made Ashlee feel like somebody, and Sarah was going straight to the dirty stuff, as if she were skipping over the pizza delivery part of the porn movie.

Ashlee could hear the acoustics shift as the door cracked wider, but Sarah barreled on with self adulation. ”I gotta give it to the old gaydar. I was only fifty-fifty on that girl …”

“You didn’t know?” spat Ashlee.

“Settle down. I had faith. So are you using the car on your date?”

Ashlee huffed in frustration. “Yes. I figured I’d drive in tomorrow instead of taking the Metro.”

“Good luck. Normally i’d say ‘if you can’t be careful, name it after me,’ but I suppose it doesn’t apply here.”

Slack jawed, humiliated, and growing enraged, Ashlee snatched up her coffee and braced herself for an escape, but Sarah wasn’t quite done.

“She’s a little tall for that backseat. Make sure she doesn’t bang her head on the door.”

There it was. ‘Whatever, Sarah,” was her flimsy retort. She burst out of the breakroom to find a few coworkers casually studying the ceiling. She bit her lip and stormed back down the hall, collapsing into her chair, blinded by the first wave of tears. Looking up, she was horrified to discover Josh had come back for some reason, and was staring wide eyed at her. He suddenly became engrossed in the wood grain on his desk. Ashlee tried to adjust her computer monitor to provide cover and concealment, but Josh suddenly remembered something urgent and disappeared.

She sat and sobbed. She could hear herself echoing in the hall, and a friendly hand — whose, she never learned — pulled the door shut. However, it wasn’t too long before she recovered enough to find the strength to do the things that needed to be done.

***

Normally, at least a feeble glow filled her window when Ashlee awoke, but this Friday, her day began well before the sun started its own. In the race crawled along the Beltway and the streets of the District, she intended to jockey for pole position. So, at half past five she was pulling on her white shirt and charcoal suit, but also inspecting a violet blouse and black skirt. She didn’t have any shoes that really went with them, but some cream-colored pumps would fill in nicely. She sneered at the heels. They were barely two inches, but she would still have to practice stumbling around in them before she picked up Felicity. She shoved the whole ensemble and a pair of nude nylons in a garment bag.

Finding the makeup she used on Thursday, she shoved this in a shapeless black leather purse she extracted from the bottom of a still-packed moving box. She decided her face would stay plain till outside work hours. After yesterday, she wasn’t planning to show it at all in the office, much less show it covered in paint. Like the outfit in the garment bag, it would stay under cover until the place had cleared out.

The drive wasn’t anywhere near as hideous as she’d imagined. At eight she was parked and puffing her way up the chilly street to the office, garment bag slung over her right shoulder. The protruding hangers were digging into her fingers, and adding to the burden of the bag on her back and the briefcase in the other hand. Striding up the street among the other suits finding their offices, she ached for a place to put it all down.

At five past, she approached the glass door, and wondered how on earth she was going to get her damned key out. She needed to put this crap down and make a plan. The coffee place, yet unseen around the corner, beckoned.

The cafe was a moderately spacious affair with a few tables around a cream-and-sugar station. Ashlee dumped her load by a chair and draped the garment bag over a neighboring one, then shook off her overcoat and lay it on top. A perky barista with frizzy hair tied back under a visor took her order for black drip coffee and asked, “Is that all?” Ashlee surprised herself by pointing to a strawberry danish in the glass pastry case. Carrying her order back to the table, she was again astonished to find herself stopping to pour cream and sugar into the coffee. She ate and drank without even the first thought about what she was doing to her teeth. The sweetness was ecstasy. It tasted like … like she loved herself.

She did eventually manage to get into her office, where she spent nearly the whole day cloistered away. Josh very decently offered to present on his own at the staff meeting, but Ashlee knew she couldn’t hide forever. She let Josh do most of the talking, sometimes mouthing along to the slides she had been putting together all week. Sarah spoke for Admin and was showing more skin than usual. That meant Mrs. Blake’s department was a little less efficient than required, and they had to find another way to make the boss happy.

A bit after five, she felt safe enough to produce the garment bag from its hiding spot behind a bookcase. Drawing the blinds and locking the office door, the date outfit and the suit exchanged places in the bag. She struggled into the clothing, hopping around the room in just a blouse, underwear, and half-donned nylons before she gave up and planted her exposed ass in the office chair. She clogged out to the restroom carrying her makeup, her pumps slamming into the carpet as if stomping ants. The makeup was easier this time, and she finished by gingerly daubing on lipstick. She returned to the office under the approving gaze of the night janitor.

Beneath the weight of all her bags, Ashlee remastered the heels walking back to her car. At quarter to six, she was circling the block around the Greek place. At seven she parked in a loading zone, turned on her hazards, and stepped out to lean on the car in casual anxiety.

A fraught ten minutes went by. Ashlee was half expecting someone to walk up and offer her fifty dollars for a good time. Ten minutes turned into fifteen, and Ashlee’s head was on a swivel looking for cops. The minutes were about to slosh over into twenty before Felicity shot out of the restaurant, eyes whipping around in frantic search. Ashlee flagged her down, and Felicity rushed to her, full of apologies.

“Tell me in the car. I’ve got to move before I get a ticket.”

Ashlee took the wheel and pulled into the street. Felicity smiled and filled Ashlee with a thrill. The most beautiful girl in the world was in her car. “I’m so happy you came!” began Felicity. “That Niko left a huge mess; that’s why I was late.” She clicked her tongue. “Getting me back for Wednesday.”

“Did he give you five bucks?” Ashlee asked, turning right onto K Street. Felicity just laughed.

“I just couldn’t wait for tonight. Where are we going?” Felicity asked.

Ashlee was prepared for this eventuality. “How about we see what’s happening on 18th?” Felicity gave this the stamp of her approval.

“Your hair looks amazing, by the way,” said Ashlee, feeling self-conscious of her own 70’s-straight bob.

“Tell Sarah thanks for me,” Felicity said. “It was a little bit of work, but it was worth it. I never had it this long until pretty recently, and I’m always looking for advice. You look absolutely ravishing.” Ashlee squirmed at this, suppressing a primal tingle that spread up her body.

After working their way up Connecticut Avenue, they were in a parking garage in 15 minutes, and in another ten they’d found a relatively quiet spot to eat. The conversation picked up almost without a break from the day before. After a while, Felicity asked: “I was trying to guess, with all the college you went to, you must be like 25 or 26, right?”

“Yes, actually, I just turned 25 last month,” Ashlee confirmed. “I finished my bachelor’s a semester early, and I passed the Virginia bar, and the Multisate Bar, way before everyone else in my class.”

“Really? You must be some kind of genius,” marveled Felicity.

“Thanks, that’s sweet. Actually, most of the reason was to keep my parents from asking why I wasn’t dating anyone. I really didn’t do that well because I was rushing so much. I never asked, how old are you?” Ashlee ventured.

“I’m 21. I know, I’m a baby!” Felicity punctuated this by pulling her hair into pigtails, crossing her eyes and sticking out her tongue. This made Ashlee laugh. "What's crazy though, is that Annie — the other girl I talked about yesterday — she was only 18 when I followed her here last year.”

Ashlee was rapt. Felicity continued: “I was 20, still working for my parents in Chincoteague last summer. Trimming hedges, ballcap, t-shirt and cargo pants, boots, looking very butch. Annie was on vacation; she just came out of the house I was working on and started hitting on me, then we started going out that night. She was from Fairfax and going to NVCC. She said I should go with her, so I went.”

“What did your mom and dad think?” Ashlee wondered.

“They were sad that I left, but happy that I could get away from Chincoteague. It was just too weird for me after I came out, you know, small town stuff. They thought school was a great idea, too. Even after I dropped out in December, they’re glad that I’m safe and doing okay here. You said the other day you’re from Roanoke; are your parents still there?”

“Ha. Not far enough, either. They’re happy I’m a lawyer. I learned a long time ago not to disappoint mom. If I could just keep her off the marriage thing, though …” Ashlee couldn’t stop herself, and Felicity seemed to be hanging on her words. “I tried to date some boys, I even tried sex …” Ashlee was really running at the mouth now, but Felicity was gasping and saying “Eww!” so she kept going. “You’re right, it was the worst. I felt 110 percent violated every time, before I figured out I liked girls. Mom would kill me though, and dad knows everybody at UVA, so I just kept to myself in college.”

They sat for hours. There was no thought of bar crawling, dancing, or any other courtship ritual. There was nothing but burgeoning love. Too soon, the midnight hour was closing, and the streets were emptying. As waiters started checking their watches, Felicity asked shyly, “Can you drive me home?” Ashlee felt electric all over as they piled into the car and she thumbed the address into her phone. It was going to be quite a hike through Washington Northeast and into Maryland. The clubs and office buildings gave way to houses and corner markets. The homes did not look very friendly. Ashlee double-checked that the doors were locked.

“You live out here? And you don’t have a car? How far is it to the Metro?”

“Not that far: a mile, maybe less”

Ashlee looked at the forbidding shadowy streets and shuddered. “Do you walk home in the dark every night? Aren’t you scared something is going to happen to you?”

A laugh flowed from Felicity’s lips. “Everybody always asks that. Not at all! I know everyone between here and the station. Sometimes you just have to talk to people. Everyone deserves a smile and a kind word; that’s what mom always said.”

Ashlee’s jaw dropped in amazement as Felicity narrated the neighborhoods. Names of families, habitual corners of drug dealers and gangbangers, and the regular street people. Felicity had to be the bravest woman she had ever met. She had heard of the power of friendship, but Felicity was in the Wonder Woman class.

They pulled up to a house on a dark street and parked on the curb. There was already an unexpected car in the driveway. Felicity then led a bewildered Ashlee not to the front door, but to the garage. It was long and narrow, with the actual garage door thinly veiled by a hideous rug on one end, and a partition with a bathroom and closet at the other. It was reasonably tidy, with a smell that was odd but not unsanitary. A few clothes and other belongings were scattered around or shoved into nooks in the cramped space. Nothing Ashlee couldn’t fix in an hour. Felicity scooped up a small red wastebasket from the kitchen counter, stowed it in the closet, then retrieved some canned cocktails from the baby refrigerator. As they sat on the bed, Ashlee wondered what she was expected to do now.

After ten minutes’ chat, Felicity caught Ashlee’s eye. Her hand was poised over Ashlee’s thigh. Ashlee hesitated, then said, “Yes.” A fiery sensation spread out from where Felicity touched. All expectations evaporated. Ashlee knew exactly what to do. She leaned in and murmured: “I want to kiss you.” Felicity had time for half a nod before Ashlee locked her lips to Felicity’s. Heat began radiating as Felicity reached up to cradle the back of Ashlee’s neck, and kissed back with ardor. They lay down, feet dangling off the edge, and the magic continued.

In minutes, their hands played across each others’ bodies. Ashlee’s fingertips traced Felicity’s little breasts, and Ashlee felt thrilling pressure as Felicity squeezed her through the blouse and bra. This is what she had missed all those years. For now, there was no Sarah, no mom, no dad; nobody but her and this gorgeous woman who loved her as none ever had.

They stroked each other's backs, thighs and buttocks, grasping and holding, nuzzling faces and necks. Overwhelmed with desire, Ashlee reached down Felicity’s front. She felt unnerved and abashed when Felicity firmly grasped her wrist and pushed away.

“Ashlee,” she said, sitting up and instantly becoming serious. Confused, Ashlee pushed herself up on her elbows and eyed her quizzically.

“Ashlee: I think I love you, and I want this to happen, but there’s something you have to know.”

Ashlee sat the rest of the way up. She tried to anticipate what could possibly be wrong, but nothing came. Oh God, what’s she about to do? she thought with dread. She felt as if it was her turn to say something, anything. Felicity was clearly wishing for some reassurance, but Ashlee’s lips were frozen as her thoughts circled.

A minute passed as Felicity swallowed, breathed deeply and reddened. “Ashlee … Ashlee.” Pause, swallow, and breathe. “Ashlee, I’m … I’m transgender. I have a penis. I didn’t want you to find out first.”

Ashley goggled. Of all the things … she could never have anticipated this. She felt trickling tears as everything she thought she knew about herself and her new world crashed together in a cacophony of shame and fear.

“What? But, how? I don’t understand. You're a man?” Ashlee’s reasonable side, urging patience, was overruled by innate revulsion. Violated! Duped! She shifted backwards, shaking.

Felicity’s voice was strained. “No, I’m a woman. Ashlee, please believe me. Robert was a boy, but he’s gone.”

Ashley paused a beat to process this, and she was appalled when the gears meshed.

“YOU’RE ROBERT?”

“No, I’m Felicity! Robert is dead, and I’m alive. I’m here, and I love you!”

This was absolutely the limit. Ashlee felt like a fool. She looked at this person’s frame, the hands, the neck, the face. Oh, God! It was so obvious! She was blind and stupid! It didn’t make sense: why would a man change to a woman just to keep liking girls? It had to be a sick ploy! I need to get out of here!

“Look, Feli … whoever you are, that is the craziest shit I’ve ever heard. I’m leaving.”

The desperation was growing in Felicity's voice. “Ashlee, I’m Felicity! Please don’t go!”

But Ashlee was already on her feet, backing away. Her reason was shouting not to do this, but her legs and glistening eyes weren’t responding.

“No, I just can’t … it’s creepy … ” she tried, but words failed her.

“Ashlee, I know you’re scared. I can see it. Robert Davis is dead; he’s not who I am. Ashlee, I didn’t want to frighten you. It’s still me. Felicity. Please stay!”

Too late. Ashlee backed out the door stammering half-formed apologies and excuses. Reason said she might be throwing away the best chance at love she ever had, but she was powerless to stop herself. Leaving Felicity’s pleas unheeded even as they followed her out the door, she jumped in her car and sped off into the night.