Any Way Out - 2. Rising

The dread stillness lifted with a low silky laugh. Ashlee tried to keep her earnest face, but felt it stretch into a grimace. Oh my God, she thought in horror, what have I done?

"Oh … Wow!" Felicity was still giggling. Ashlee's face was on fire now, and she could only imagine what it must look like to the waitress. Felicity held up her ticket book in a pantomime stage whisper to Ashlee: "Did she come up with that?" she asked, pointing at Sarah.

Ashley turned toward her partner. She had left out the part about the cucumbers, but Sarah seemed satisfied, Sarah wrinkled her nose at Felicity, and gave her hair a little toss. Then she made a show of studying the menu, looking like the cat who was about to order another canary. Ashlee was alone to try and decipher Felicity’s delighted face. Amusement? Mocking? Contempt? No one could possibly like that crap.

What now? She could slap Sarah for putting her up to this, and choke herself for going along. She was completely useless with girls and dating, and now she was going to have to look at this waitress for the entire lunch? Oh, God, it’s so … so …

Ashlee felt her eyes burn. Oh, fuck! I'm crying! In her bleary vision, she saw that Felicity had squatted down to her level. She heard the smooth alto voice purr:

"Oh it's okay. It's great to have friends like that." A napkin had materialized on the table at Ashlee's elbow. Ashlee dabbed her eyes and caught Sarah's barely peeking over the menu. That bitch was enjoying this!

The waitress was still by Ashlee's side. "No seriously, it's fine. It was cute. You should hear what I get from men," she said with a roll of her eyes. "Let's start over. Hi, I'm Felicity, who are you?"

Ashlee was choking back tears and laughing nervously, causing a pileup in her throat that turned her response into a wispy gargle. She sat up, cleared her throat, blinked, and managed, "I'm Ashlee Vance. Ashlee with two E’s on the end" She willed her best killing gaze into her eyes and shot it across the table. "That's Sarah Dawes."

Nothing. The killing gaze clattered useless onto the table. Sarah wasn't taking responsibility and wasn't getting involved. All she contributed was: “That’s with an H on the end, honey.”

Ashlee turned back to Felicity. Sarah was right — she was very pretty. She was tall -- really tall -- and slim, dressed in a loose blue blouse with a knee-length black wrap skirt and leggings. Her face was long, thin, and soft. She had a strong nose, a little hooked, that gave the whole visage an exotic flair. The black hair was luxurious, partially done up in a fetching ponytail. South Asian or Hispanic, Ashlee couldn't decide; but whatever race she was in, Felicity was winning. The eyes, though: big, bright, and hazel; eyeliner, which was her only makeup, made them impossible to miss. They shone like crown jewels on a dusky scepter.

Their gazes locked for just a second too long before Sarah finally broke in: “Hey, Felicity, can I get a baklava and coffee?”

A sisterly hand squeezed Ashlee’s, then Felicity was back on duty. “Yeah, sure. Well, I’m Felicity, spelled like this.” She indicated her name tag with a chuckle. “Do you know what you want, Ashlee?”

A few thoughts competed in Ashlee’s mind: "Me in your lap";"Not until now";"To be alone for a while". The one that won out, though, was more practical: the image of herself shoving a greasy moussaka into her face in front of Felicity. “Salad with feta and olives, please. And coffee”

Lunch continued on very businesslike. Water was refilled, dishes brought and cleared, and the wait staff were straightening up from the lunch rush. Ashlee was the only one out of sorts. That ghastly pickup line paraded in front of her mind's eye, went around back, and marched past again and again. Pink tinged her cheeks every time Felicity stopped by, and icy fingers traced her spine, not to mention her front, when the girl's hips passed by her ear. Ashlee’s stomach felt fluttery when Felicity made conversation with her, and she got jealous when Felicity started talking to Sarah about her hair care routine.

Why was this happening? Lack of experience, probably, was a big part of it, but this Felicity was so intriguing. She needed to see more of her. The thought of being with this girl who could care for a total stranger the way she had was overwhelming. She was also fighting back the fantasy of taking her around her naked, perfect waist, losing herself in those eyes, and then … imagination failed her. Only, how could she just ask a random waitress out for a date?

Felicity hovered idly a few feet away, filling Ashlee with a mix of relief and disappointment that it had nearly finished. Sarah had kept it tasteful during lunch, and had even nearly wiped the smug look off her face, but now she spoke up: “Felicity, when do you go on break?”

“Right after I cash you guys out.” A pair of ‘Why?’s from her audience hung unspoken in the air.

“I got you girl, we’ll live without you for a little while,” declared Sarah across the table, apparently ending a conversation Ashlee hadn’t remembered having. Two sharp pains in Ashlee’s shin indicated some suggestive blunt force under the table.

“Do you want to hang out for a few minutes?” stammered Ashley, hoping she wasn’t blowing her lines.

“Yes.” It popped out of Felicity’s mouth without hesitation. Icy fingers again, more insistent than before, played upon Ashlee’s skin.

“Kay-kays,” warbled Sarah, “I’ll text if anything goes down.” A fifty leapt from her purse and landed on the table. An instant later, she was out the door. Who carries a fifty around? thought Ashlee.

“Um, come on,” said Felicity, not quite taking Ashlee’s hand as she stood up and put on her blazer. Felicity changed out the fifty in the register. “Hey, Niko!” she sang. A tousled teenager in the kitchen jerked up from his phone. “Could you please bus table four?” The honey of her voice was sweetened by the fluttering fiver she was holding up. Niko nodded resignedly, and Felicity left the bill by the register as she led the way out, around the corner, and to a park bench.

***

As Ashlee and Felicity took up positions on the bench, Ashlee couldn't help but feel a little guilty for skipping out on work. She furtively checked her phone and saw a new text from Sarah: ur killing it keep going were fine

Felicity moved first. “So, where do you work? I don’t think I’ve seen you around here. I've seen your friend, Sarah.”

Ashlee grinned. "She's pretty impossible to miss. I've known her a long time."

"You two are funny together. She seems like a lot to handle, though. You must be something special."

"Well, we haven't really hung out like we did in college. I think she made up for lost time with this one."

They laughed together at this. Felicity remembered her question: "You work together now? Where?"

“We work at Stetson.” A puzzled smile answered. I need to see different people once in a while, Ashlee thought as she elaborated, “Stetson Logistics. Federal contractors. I’m a lawyer there, she's one of the secretaries.” For no apparent reason, she went on, “They're mainly in El Paso where they have a lot of contracts with Interior — you know, the Department of the Interior, forests, parks, and stuff — but last year they opened an office here. You know, Stetson? Texas? Big hats?”

Realization dawned on Felicity’s face. “Do you have to wear cowboy boots to work, too?”

Ashlee let out a snorting chuckle. “No. The other lawyer, Josh, sometimes does, but only when he’s going to meet certain clients. He transferred here from Texas to run the legal department, and a lot of the government people who used to work out west miss the boots and hats. They kind of expect it.”

“Oh, that’s too cute. Speaking of lawyers, do you know who you look like a little? Have you seen that old movie ‘Legally Blonde?' The snobby girl, Vivienne.”

It definitely wasn't the first time Ashlee had heard this. All the law students named Vincent had to put up ‘My Cousin Vinny’, too. She wanted to change the subject, and Ashlee felt like it was her turn, anyway. “Do you live here?” Stupid.

“I grew up in Chincoteague.” Conversation flowed from there. Her parents managed a few vacation rentals in the beach resort town. Ashlee talked about her favorite vacations there. Felicity knew everything about the place — every hotel, bar, mini-golf course, and pony ride. She’d practically memorized “Misty of Chincoteague”, because she could make a ton of tips talking the book with a certain type of woman. Ashlee said she’d never read it, but she knew it was about the famous ponies. However, she’d never been to a pony swim because her parents had said it wasn’t worth the traffic. Felicity agreed that it was way better if you were already there. Ashlee went on about her best memories there — it really was her favorite place in the world.

They curved gently into everything outdoors: hiking, biking, camping, boating, running, Felicity matching Ashlee step for step, though Ashlee mused that all of her so-called hobbies were things she only did alone. Felicity’s conversation, though, was littered with “You should come with me sometime” and “I would love to do that”. How serious was she? Ashlee knew some people talked like that just for something to say, but Felicity practically glowed with sincerity.

The first real stumble didn't come until Ashlee asked innocuously, "So, why are you in Washington?"

Felicity sagged from her relaxed listening posture, shoulders slumping and hands clasping between her knees.

"I, uh, came for college. Well, that’s what I usually tell anyone who asks, but I feel like I can tell you the truth."

Ashlee started throwing out educated guesses. George Mason, Georgetown, Maryland … but none were hitting the mark, and Felicity was looking embarrassed. "No. NVCC." Ashlee’s turn to look confused. “Northern Virginia Community College.”

Ashlee was about to tell her she shouldn't have traveled across the state because there were community colleges on the Eastern Shore, and what a savings she could have had, but Felicity saved her by continuing: "I was working on computer stuff. I thought I’d get started at community college and transfer to some other place. But I feel like I can tell you the real reason.”

Ashley put on an expression full of anticipation. She nodded to urge Felicity on, feeling a little dumb at the jerking gesture, but she was too enthralled to beat herself up just now.

“I had a kind of girlfriend, too. No, not anymore," she reassured her, frantically waving a dismissive hand. "I met her back home when her family was staying at one of the properties, and I followed her here and we moved in with some other girls. I wasn’t going anywhere if she hadn’t shown up. I just did it without thinking. Then we broke up, and I stopped going to school so I could find my own place. That was two months ago.”

“That’s wild!” bubbled Ashlee. “You just up and left home because you wanted to? I’m kind of jealous that you can do whatever like that. I’ve been tied to school and getting this career since I was 16.”

Felicity’s dimming visage flared back to life at Ashlee’s words: “You really think so? I mean, but look at you: a lawyer! You must have your life together."

Struggling to come up with a way her life was together, Ashlee babbled about her colored lunch box system, but omitted the part about intentionally matching her clothes. Felicity was impressed, and said, “So today’s green, like your shirt?” Ashlee was about to confess, but the talk of lunch seemed to trigger something in Felicity.

"Oh, no! My break was over half an hour ago!" They both popped up off the bench. In the last moment before Felicity bolted, Ashlee blurted, "Quick! Text me your number." They managed after a couple of tries to exchange the information, and in that time Ashlee remembered her next question. "When can we go on a date?"

Felicity glanced up and rolled her eyes left to right. "Pick me up at work Friday night. I think I can get out by seven," she said, still consulting her invisible calendar. Then she twirled off. Feeling the need to fulfill the role of responsible professional Felicity had ascribed to her, Ashlee turned and hurried, almost skipping, back to the office.

***

Ashlee’s consciousness was filled with Felicity as she padded up the hall from the elevator. She stopped one door short of the main door, and started spinning her keys till she found the one she wasn’t really supposed to have. I’m being a bad girl today, she reasoned, giddy with puppy love, bad girls slip in the back way.

She rapped once, then twice, then three times, as Josh had told her once. No answer, so she keyed her way into a long room lined with the empty cubicles of the marketing team. Tiptoeing across the space, she gingerly swung the hall door open and shut, pirouetting through, then stole across the passage to her own office.

Uyen was darkening the door about five seconds after Ashlee sat down. Still afire from her escapade, Ashlee flashed her a bright, toothy smile. This took Uyen aback like a shot across the bow, but soon found her feet and stated her business:

“Josh called over an hour ago. He needs you to bring him some paperwork.”

The energy from Ashlee’s lunch date rushed back upon her and landed in her gut. They noticed she was gone! She furiously dug through her phone, checking for new messages, then scrolled down her email while she re-dialed the voicemail on the desk phone. Her pulse pounded as Uyen glowered on. Isn’t this just fucking perfect? She screamed inside. Her boss needed her and she was away from her post. Six months of building a reputation here, now shot to hell! She was vacillating between screaming and puking when a grin cracked Uyen’s face.

“That’s what Sarah told me to tell anyone who asked where you were. I knew it was suspicious,” said Uyen.

Hands still full of phones, Ashlee gaped wide-eyed. You bitch, she thought. She sucked in her anger, though, and tried to turn it around to laugh the prank off. Ashlee found that the thirty-second tumult of emotion was too much. All she managed was a runny nose and tears. Not again! She was barely able to splutter out, “You got me, Uyen.”

“Oh, my goodness. Ashlee, are you okay?” It was Uyen’s turn to blench from regret. “I didn’t mean to … I was just trying to joke around. Look, it’s all right,” she said as she swooped in and rolled Josh’s chair up beside Ashlee. “It’s all right,” she repeated, “no one knew you were gone. You’re not the first person here to skip work.” Now trying desperately to console her, Uyen took the tissues that Ashlee had just dug out of her desk and proffered one to her.

Ashlee took it and tried to regain her composure, but she couldn’t help herself. “I know, but I’ve never done it, and then you made me think I got caught on my first time. No, I deserved that, Uyen. Goddamn, that’s the last time I’m listening to Sarah!”

Uyen frowned gently. “Okay, woman, pull yourself together. I’m sorry. Everything’s fine. Where did you really go?”

“Nowhere … with Sarah, er, for lunch.”

“Right. Was it Greek?”

Ashlee regarded Uyen curiously with wondering red eyes. “How did you know?”

Uyen smirked. “Sarah’s been hinting at it all week. Something about one of the waiters.”

Ashlee chuckled weakly and nodded.

“So, mission accomplished?” Uyen asked. “I guess I should have warned you. She’s been on a matchmaking tear recently. I think it’s because she hasn’t been out in a while. She sent me on a blind date a couple of weeks ago”

“Are you serious?” Ashlee was shocked. I REALLY need to get out of my office.

“Oh, yeah. Here’s some advice: any white guy who says he’s into Asians is the last person who should be allowed to date one.” Uyen shivered. “What a creep! I suppose Sarah dropped you in it before you could say no?

“That’s about right, but it was fine. Sarah did a good job, I think. We had a really good time, we sat and talked forever. Probably the coolest person I’ve met in a long time.”

“I’ll try not to take that personally,” said Uyen, and Ashlee had recovered enough to laugh genuinely at this. “So, does this mystery waiter have a name. Are you going out now? This is great!”

Ashlee responded, “Her name is Felicity. I’m going to see her again on Friday. Um, yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s a date.”

Uyen squinted for a second, but then gave a quick gasp and covered her mouth. “Oh, God, I forgot! I’m sorry, you do date girls, don’t you? Well, er, good job.” Uyen hemmed and hawed for a second while she scrambled for a new subject. “Listen, Mrs. Blake said we could get out of here if we wanted to, as long as someone was here to answer the phone. Tina and I played rock-paper-scissors. I won. She’ll stay and I’ll bring her coffee tomorrow. You want some, too?”

Ashlee snorted one last sniffle. “Yeah, that sounds great, Uyen.”

“So, see you around nine? Great, I’m out of here, bye!” Uyen was blushing as she dashed away. Ashlee could tell Uyen was flustered over her faux pas. No one in the office really knew Ashlee that well except for Sarah. She might have said not to worry if Uyen hadn’t rushed out, but it was satisfying to turn the tables on Uyen for once.

Ashlee turned to her lists, but remembered she’d actually finished everything. Well, that’s somehow disappointing, she mused. She continued to putter around, tidying up and making notes for Thursday, but finally, at 4:25, Ashlee packed her bags and headed for home.

***

Later that night, Felicity came out of the bathroom with wet hair, plopped it straight down into a towel, and wrapped it up as Sarah had suggested, but her thoughts were otherwise all about Ashlee. Quiet, professional, regimented. That says reliable.

She had a text waiting for her. It was Charlie from work: idk about Fri maybe. Two nos and a maybe about covering Friday night. Not promising. She wished she had thought that through a little more.

Ashlee's just what I need right now. Better not ruin it. She really has no idea about … soon, but it should stay under wraps at least two dates. Fingers crossed, this could go somewhere, but she needs to really accept me and my love. Darn! Get your head straight, woman! What’s this “love” nonsense? Ashlee was so good looking, though -- that suit was amazing on her -- and she was smart and organized. Does she coordinate her clothes with her lunchbox every day?

Three steps carried her to the kitchen and her meds. Another two steps and she was sitting on her bed, sucking down the pills dry. Her place was the size of a garage, probably because it was a garage. It even had a garage door, still. The owner had covered it with insulation and attempted to conceal it with a big hanging carpet. The space was long and narrow with a tiny bathroom at one end. The appliances included a miniscule stove and microwave, one of those not-quite-mini fridges, and a space heater that was nearly unequal to the chill night air outside.

Still, she loved her new city. She loved being a walk and a train ride from anywhere in the city, with its museums -- huge, free museums, at that -- walks, sights, and sounds. The best she could hope for back home was an hour drive minimum to Salisbury in Maryland, and then you were just in friggin’ Salisbury. The best, though, was that she could be anyone here, not just the spacey girl who had all that queer drama in high school. On balance, as long as she could afford it, living in this hole was totally worth it. Even this ghetto, just outside the eastern corner of the District, wasn’t so bad. People asked if it was a bad neighborhood, but fearing her neighbors wasn’t a choice she’d decided to make.

So what about Ashlee? Felicity brushed, conditioned, and started coiling her hair around the handle of a hairbrush while her mind wandered. Annie had one thing. Kind of fun, but she was too young and a bit dumb and petty. Felicity winced at the memories of last fall. But Ashlee? Felicity felt like she had done enough with her hair, so she dropped the brush, scarfed her head, and leaned back on the bed. She started adding. Ashlee was obviously older. She must have been in college at least six years to be a lawyer, been in DC six months, a year maybe, so 25, 26? Maybe she was a little old for Felicity, a freshly minted 21-year-old, but it was such a fun and fulfilling conversation. Being an empath like herself tended to make other people clingy, like some of her customers, but Ashlee was different. She seemed well-grounded. She is exactly what I need.

So why are you in Washington? Ashlee had asked. That’s the last time I have to stay ‘I came for college.’ Now the answer is, ‘To meet Ashlee.’

Oh, needle time. Money might be tight sometimes, but at least she could afford this. Back in the kitchen, she retrieved a vial and drew out a dose. She leaned against the bathroom door frame to create a pocket of skin under her arm. She’d used to do this in her butt using a mirror, the only place on her body with enough fat to pinch, but a few too many errant sticks had converted her to this method. It not only saved her fingers, but also the precious liquid in the syringe. She bit her tongue and poked. She still winced at the needle after all this time. She put everything away. Now she could relax. Maybe sleep.