A Land of Lincoln Thanksgiving - 1. A Family Thanksgiving

Thursday November 28^th, 2024

Marcus woke up alone. Joshua had been distant and depressed since Marcus had arrived home five days before for fall break. He had so far been unwilling to talk about what was bothering him. The younger man rolled out of bed and headed for the bathroom. Six minutes later, he found Joshua sitting in the kitchen staring into a mug of cold coffee.

Prying the mug from his hand, Marcus dumped its contents down the drain. He refilled it with hot coffee from the pot and sat down next to the man he loved. Instead of returning the mug, he took a sip himself. Joshua smiled.

“Are you ever going to tell me what’s going on?” Marcus asked, trying to hide his hurt and worry.

“I’m sorry, Marcus. I haven’t been very good company this week, and I haven’t been honest and open like you deserve.” Joshua stood and retrieved the piece of card stock that had been consuming him for almost a month.

Marcus read it quickly but didn’t understand why it was so distressing to his boyfriend. He knew Joshua had grown up in an environment in which he wasn’t free to be himself. That was something they had in common. It was clear there was more to the invitation that he understood.

“Help me understand, Joshua,” he pleaded.

“I’m confused. I’m hurt. I’m scared.” Joshua’s feelings had only become more tangled as he tried to reconcile his memories with the invitation. “Thanksgiving has always been a lonely and painful reminder of everything I’m not and all I don’t have. That impersonal invitation is like a slap in face. It ignores all the pain and neglect of the last twenty-two years.

“Every year, my dad spends the week locked in his high-rise office attempting to ascertain which retailers are making more than their estimated share of holiday sales, while my mother does her part to keep as many retailers in business as possible. A happy Thanksgiving is one where dad makes more money than mom spends. I don’t understand why they even sent this.” Joshua’s voice was hollow.

“Is Mary going?” Marcus asked.

“I haven’t asked,” Joshua replied.

Marcus stood, placing the mug of almost hot coffee in front of Joshua.

“I’m going to shower. You can join me, or you can sit there and mope until I’m done. It’s three hours to Chicago, and we are supposed to be there by 1:00. We’re leaving in an hour.” Marcus headed back towards their bedroom without waiting for a response.

He wouldn’t have been so forward even a month ago, but something had changed over Halloween. Marcus insisted their age difference didn’t matter to him, but he had always felt like Joshua should lead in their relationship. Attending the department costume party as a couple, talking to Professor Radcliffe as partners, and taking control in bed that evening had changed how Marcus saw himself and his role in their relationship.

There had been other moments where he had taken change, but they were only when Joshua was incapable of doing so himself. In some ways, that seemed true in the current moment as well, but Marcus knew this was different. Joshua was in control, but he was leading himself and their relationship in a dangerous direction. The healthy path was forward, through the pain together.

Marcus wondered if he would feel the same if the invitation had come from his parents. He almost laughed as he realized their roles would have likely been reversed, but they would still be on their way to a dreaded reunion with estranged parents. They were a team, and it was Marcus’ turn to be strong and decisive for the good of his partner and their relationship.

. . .

The drive to Chicago started out quiet and tense. Eventually, Joshua began to share his buried memories and emotions. Marcus learned about a younger Joshua; one who wanted to matter but knew he never would. That Joshua had left home and made something of his own, on his own. He hadn’t really been a part of a family for decades, and he had no reason to believe anything at home had changed.

There were similarities in their stories, and Marcus could relate to many of the things Joshua shared. His heart broke for the man he loved, but his stories also poked at wounds from his own past.

“Your childhood, and mine remind me of Professor Radcliffe. He claims to have a huge and amazing family, but none of them are related. I think I like the way he thinks about it.

“You are my family, Joshua, and maybe the Professor as well. His parents weren’t great either, but he loves his life. He isn’t lonely, and he doesn’t let his past define his future.” Marcus’ observations bounced around the SUV as the Illinois countryside flew by.

. . .

“The GPS says to exit on East 47^th Street,” Marcus said.

“It’s strange that they would rent a place in Kenwood rather than somewhere near Lincoln Park.” Joshua exited as instructed.

Traffic was light as they drove towards the lake. Eleven minutes after exiting the freeway, they had arrived at the address listed on the invitation. Joshua was now even more confused.

“Liberty Academy?” He asked.

It was a beautiful old building located in a prime location right off South Lake Park Avenue. Lake Michigan was visible from the front of the large building. They both noticed that there were a lot of cars in the parking lot considering it was Thanksgiving Day.

Marcus was quick to exit the BMW, happy to be out of the confined space. Together, the men moved towards the building uncertainly. The front doors opened as they approached. Two men who appeared to be well into their forties welcomed them.

“Happy Thanksgiving! I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Thomas.” said the shorter blond-haired man. “This is my husband, Brendon.”

The taller man, Brendon, held out his hand towards the confused men.

“I’m not sure we’re in the right place,” Joshua said as he pulled the folded invitation from his back pocket.

“If you got one of those, you most certainly are, gentlemen. Most of the family is here and getting ready in the gym. Head down this hall and turn right at the first intersection. Hopefully, we’ll get a chance to get to know each other at some point this afternoon or evening!” The man named Thomas said.

They set out, following the simple instructions.

“Husbands?” Joshua asked nobody.

“I thought you said your mother was homophobic.” Marcus was beginning to wonder what might have happened in Joshua’s family while he was avoiding them.

“She is. Extremely,” Joshua said as they approached the intersection.

They could hear voices as they turned down a hallway with doors to what must have been classrooms on one side and framed photographs and plaques of the other. Joshua couldn’t help but look at the diverse faces on display. He realized he was looking at a memorial wall as each large photo had a small metal plate with a name and date range engraved on it. Joshua marveled at how happy and content each face looked.

He stopped to look at a photo that caught his eye. A handsome, fine-featured man with greying black hair smiled at him. Daniel Janick, 12-17-1951 to 03-12-1997. There were numerous smaller photographs under the large head shot. The man was surrounded by a gaggle of kids in several of them.

Fifty steps later, they found an open set of doors leading into an old gymnasium. The large space was well decorated considering how difficult it must be to make a gym feel homey. Long rows of cloth covered tables were being set for dinner. Joshua counted 24 people working quickly and happily before he was interrupted by someone calling his name.

“Joshua! Marcus!” He turned to see his sister rushing towards him. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.”

“It’s good to see you Mare,” Joshua said in relief. “I must admit that I am not sure what we’ve come to. This isn’t what I imagined when I read ‘family dinner.’”

“I’m sorry, I guess I forgot to warn you when I added your name to the invite list. It has been a busy few months,” Mary was guiding them out of the make-shift dining room and down another hall. “Welcome to Liberty Academy. It’s run by the Cooperative. You probably met Thomas and Brendon at the door. This school is their life’s work, but they really should be the ones tell you about it.”

“Are mom and dad already here?” Joshua asked as Mary practically pushed them into a large, industrial style kitchen.

“What? No, mom and dad weren’t invited.” Mary stopped walking and looking into her brother’s eyes. “We obviously have more catching up to do. I meant it when I said I don’t talk to mom much, dad either I suppose. The Cooperative has been my family for a long time.”

“Mary? What time were the caterers supposed to be here?” An older woman stepped out of a room in the back of the kitchen but stopped abruptly when she saw the men next to her niece. “Joshua? Joshua James Renkin?”

It had been a long time since he had heard his full name, but even longer since he had heard it said with love. He thought of his nanny, even before wondering who the woman before him might be.

“Yes, ma’am,” Joshua finally replied.

The aging woman moved quickly. He was wrapped in a hug before he even had time to react.

“Don’t you ma’am me young man,” she said softly in his ear. “You probably don’t remember me. We met when you were very young. I’m your Aunt Melissa, but you can call me Mel if you prefer.”

He knew he had an aunt. His mother mentioned her sister every time she got worked up about the homosexuals that were ruining the moral fabric of the nation.

“I’m really glad to meet you Aunt Mel,” he said as he pulled back. “This is my boyfriend, Marcus.”

“Oh, honey,” Marcus received a hug from Aunt Mel as well. “I am torn between sorrow and glee. I’m sorry for what your mother must have put you through, but it also seems fitting that Rebecca has a gay son.”

“Well, she doesn’t exactly know about me yet.” Joshua felt small as the idea of coming out to his parents hit him once more. “Until very recently, no one knew.”

. . .

The caterers arrived minutes later. They arrived by the truck load, bringing enough food to feed the entire neighborhood. Joshua and Marcus learned that was, in fact, the plan as they were quickly put to work.

For over two hours, they worked alongside Mary, Melissa and an army of people they didn’t know to serve a thanksgiving feast to a never-ending river of strangers. It was clear to them both that the meal would likely be the only one many of the guests would receive that day. It was a humbling reminder of the many things they took for granted.

It was four o’clock when Thomas made the announcement that the doors had been locked. While there were still people waiting to eat, the river would run dry as those were seated and served.

“Joshua? Marcus?” The men, who were in the process of clearing an empty table so it could be reset, turned to find two familiar faces that didn’t belong together in their minds.

“Professor Radcliffe!” Marcus explained.

“Dr. Fenton?” Joshua asked.

The older men were on the resetting crew. It was the psychologist who replied first.

“Mr. Renkin, you share many common attributes and traits with Mary. It never seemed appropriate to ask, but seeing you here suggests that you are, in fact, related.” It was jarring to see two men who knew so much about them in an unexpected setting so far from the context in which they typically met.

“Mary is my sister, but like with many things in my life, I have been a fool where she is concerned. I assume this is the family you mentioned over Halloween, Professor?” Timothy Radcliffe smiled and nodded .

“Indeed. I hope you are sticking around for the family meal!” Timothy was ecstatic to see Marcus at the Cooperative’s annual Family Thanksgiving celebration as it meant the young man was not nearly alone as he believed himself to be.

“We’ll be there,” Marcus answered for them both. “We came prepared for an emotional war with Joshua’s parents but have found ourselves surrounded by unimaginable comradery and love. This has already been the best Thanksgiving of my life.”

Timothy Radcliffe and Robert Fenton watched as the young mens' moist eyes met. The emotions they saw reminded them of the many moments when they too felt humbled and blessed to be included in the this ever growing and changing community of hope and compassion.

“It is great to see you both here,” Robert said. “We’ll have time to talk later.”

The two pairs continued with their assigned tasks, feeling even lighter than they had moments before.

. . .

Joshua and Marcus were satisfyingly tired and dirty from the unexpected labor of love. They held hands as they followed the line of fellow laborers through the otherwise empty halls of Liberty Academy. The numbers in Joshua’s head stopped at fifty even though his feet did not.

His mind became absorbed in the children’s art which covered the walls of the youth-focused place of learning and development. Each felt an unfamiliar but rejuvenating sense of hope for the future as they were ushered into a modern auditorium with theater seating arranged around a large, well-lit stage.

It took several minutes for the fifty or sixty people to find seats. Almost everyone seemed excited to talk with people they clearly loved but didn’t often see. A hush fell over the room when Thomas and Brendon walked out onto center stage. Marcus smiled and leaned into Joshua as he saw the shorter man melt into his taller husband in a familiar way.

“Thank you all for coming. I don’t have words for the emotions I am feeling, looking out over our family. I am comforted by many familiar faces, excited by the few who are new to me, and saddened by the faces that I do not see.” Thomas paused to wipe away the tears that appeared suddenly; Brendon pulled the smaller man closer before taking over.

“Thanksgiving can be a complicated and emotional time for those of us who take the time to pause for reflection. We each have so much to be grateful for, yet there are memories and voids in our lives that cause us sorrow and pain.” Brendon’s eyes lost focus as his thoughts turning momentarily inward, which Thomas took as his cue to speak once more.

“We’ll save the updates for the annual meeting next month, but this has been a big year for the Liberty Cooperative. We have impacted many lives, even as those lives have impacted many of us. This evening, as in years past, has been set aside to come together as a family, to meet new members, catch up with those you have lost track of, and to remember those who live on only in our memories.” Thomas’ eyes grew moist again, but he continued after a short pause. “Just over thirty-two years ago, I was sitting in a jail cell wanting nothing more than an end to my unending pain. I didn’t have a family, and I didn’t have any hope.”

“I wasn’t in a cell, but I was living in much the same reality,” Brendon added.

“Our lives were forever changed, when one man stood up and declared we were no longer alone. Every person in this room has been caught up in the avalanche of love that seemingly small action started.” There were several sobs audible around the room. “I’d like to turn the remainder of this moment over to the man who rescued me, who I consider my father, who I am honored to call a friend… Roger.”

Roger Cicero was still an imposing figure at seventy-two. He didn’t stand quite as tall as he once had, but his expression and bearing were every bit as intense as they had been in his younger years. He embraced first Brendon, and then Thomas; it was several seconds before he let the small man go.

“Thank you, boys.” Several people laughed quietly at the truly boyish expressions on the faces of the almost fifty-year-old men. “Thomas often says I saved him, but he saved me as well. That’s what true family does. It is a mesmerizing dance of push and pull, give and take. In some moments we are strong, only to be weak in the next. Sometimes we lead, and sometimes we follow.

“I am a thankful old man today. I am thankful for each of you. My life was once empty and lonely as Thomas and Brendon have likewise described their own. Now my life overflows with love, purpose, and belonging. We call this a Cooperative, and it is, but that is a lawyer’s word chosen before that man had fully rejoined humanity.” There was another round of soft laughter. “I’ve been reflecting this week over the same thirty-two years Thomas mentioned. I also find it difficult to express how I am feeling, but I think I can narrow my emotions down to two. I feel proud, and I feel wanted.

“Shortly after I met Thomas and Brendon, I was given a gift from a young woman I didn’t yet know well. I didn’t tell her at the time, but her gift became one of my most treasured possessions the moment I realized was it was. Samantha?” The man turned to look backstage.

Roger was joined by a small woman with spiky white hair streaked with pink. Joshua couldn’t tell how old she was, but he suspected she was older than she looked. She was a vibrant presence, like so many of the others he had already met. Sam was carrying to a large frame, displaying what was clearly the front page of an old, printed newspaper. Roger took it reverently in his hands before displaying it to the many faces in front of him.

“Sam was a journalist back then. This is a story she wrote about Thomas, and by extension, me. Her words solidified many things for me and have become a constant motivation as well as my purpose.” He didn’t need to look at article to quote Sam James’ words.

“There should never be and unwanted son or an unwanted daughter. When a child’s family can’t or won’t love them, someone else should step in and take their place. I believe everyone should feel wanted.” The strong man’s eyes glistened as he pulled the woman next to him into a sideways embrace.

“I once felt unwanted, but no more. I am proud to be a member of this amazing family who constantly and consistently steps into the lives of the unwanted sons and daughters they encounter. Like me, and Thomas, and Brendon, and Sam many of you once felt like unwanted sons and daughters. But like us, you now know you are wanted, and you offer that gift freely to others in return. Give and take, strong and weak, push and pull.” Sam began to clap and was soon joined by those in the room who weren’t actively hugging someone nearby.

. . .

The large family returned to the gymnasium which had been miraculously transformed. Instead of the rows of tables there were now individual dining room-like spaces separated and spread out throughout the large room. Each table was set and trimmed with its own Thanksgiving feast, sitting in wait to host an intimate family meal.

Joshua felt a hand brush softly against his arm. He turned to find Mary at his side, guiding them towards a table near the front of the room. The man whimpered as his eyes came to rest on an elderly woman already seated. Tears filled his eyes, and he fell to his knees. He was oblivious to the many concerned looks which softened as they realized something important was taking place. The family was used to moments like this.

“Rosa?” He cried.

She was older, but there was no doubt in his mind that that he was seeing the amazing woman that had raised him from birth through his tween years.

“Hello Joshy,” the small woman said lovingly through her own tears. “Mare-Bear said you might come.”

The man next to her helped Rosa to her feet. She wasted no time in moving towards the man she still thought of as a young boy. Neither was aware of the people around them as they melted in a gentle but healing embrace. Rebecca Renkin had ripped boy and woman apart, and a large part of each heart had never truly healed from the trauma.

Marcus shook hands with the man standing protectively behind Rosa Ramos.

“Marcus Ortiz,” he said.

“Juan Ramos.” The man wiped a fresh tear from his own eye. “I am so happy. This reunion has been a long time coming.”

“I only just learned about the role Rosa played in Joshua’s life. I assume she is your mother?” Juan nodded. “I don’t think he realized the full impact of their separation until he started thinking about this family Thanksgiving. In some ways, I think I am dating that damaged twelve you old boy, as wrong as that sounds.”

“You probably are.” Marcus jumped as Robert Fenton stepped up bedside them. “Sorry for listening in, but you are right. It is obvious they have a strong bond, and to be separated during such a turbulent time as puberty, especially for a boy who is just realizing he is gay, well… our discussions this summer make even more sense now.”

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you, Dr. Fenton. I’ll be done with school next month. I think I have my own twelve-year-old boy to deal with.” Robert squeezed Marcus’ shoulder gently.

“I always have time for family.” He pulled the surprised young man into a quick hug before moving off to a nearby table.

“Welcome the family, mi hermano!” Juan laughed at the shocked expression on Marcus’ face. “Robert is amazing, but he is very different around the family.

“Si.” Marcus said shaking his head. “Dr. Fenton never really seemed like a hugger in his office.”

. . .

The Thanksgiving meal was everything a good family Thanksgiving should be. The food was the excuse, but the love and care of those gathered was the true focus.

Joshua met his aunt’s family, getting a chance to talk to Samantha and meeting their kids, who were only a few years older than him. He also got to know Roger Cicero, Thomas, and Brendon. Marcus spent much of the meal in quiet conversation with Thomas’ tall husband. From what little he heard, Joshua realized they came from similar backgrounds, albeit separated by a generation.

By the time the hired servers had cleared the meal and brought out the pie, Joshua felt like a whole different person. His perspective on many things had changed that afternoon and evening. He thought back to Roger’s words in the auditorium and knew that they had somehow become his own. He realized that he was wanted, like Roger had said of his own experience. That knowledge changed everything for the man who had been hiding and alone from the age of twelve.

. . .

Much later, Joshua kissed the young man snuggled up to him on the bed in his sister’s guestroom. Neither had said much since leaving Liberty Academy, but there wasn’t much that needed to be said.

“I’m thankful for our family,” Joshua whispered softly.

“Me too,” Marcus quietly agreed.

“Marcus Ortiz?” Joshua asked, his strange formality causing the young man to look up into his moist eyes.

“Yeah?” he responded uncertainly.

“Will you marry me?” Seconds of silence followed the unexpected proposal before Marcus found an appropriate reply.

“Yes.” Both awe and love were evident in the single word.

It was the last word spoken as their lips and hearts came together once more. What had started as a day of anxiety and fear ended in true thanksgiving. Joshua and Marcus had each other, but they also had a large and loving family neither could have imagined only hours before.

When they finally drifted off to sleep, their dreams were peaceful in a way they hadn’t been since they were young. The men slept in the comfort and warmth of each other’s love, which had been fortified significantly through the acceptance of their chosen family.

Joshua and Marcus were not unwanted, and they went to sleep looking forward to the adventures waiting for them the following day.