In Chandler's Hands - 14. Honesty

Ok…so no bullshit, right?

You honestly came out to Billy and told him you really, really truly, no contest, LOVE him? No half-assed googlie-eyed staring matches or ‘silent understandings’ in bed while playing footsie? None of this, ‘I love you, but I don’t really want you to know that’ crap?

You, honest to God, came right out and told him you loved him and…he totally reciprocated?

You might be able to hear me squealing even all the way out there in the ‘burbs!

I KNEW you could do it, Brandon! I knew you had it in you! You just needed the courage to do it! Let me just stand back here and glow for a few, m’kay?

Ok, I’m done.

Now, let me help you KEEP Billy!

I’ve come to know you pretty well and I figure that you feel the hard part is over. You are right…partly. You’ve won seventy-five percent of the battle. You took your courage and you faced your main fear…that Billy would reject you out of hand because you misread him. You faced your first dragon and now, my little love muffin, it’s time for you to face the second one.

That’s by keeping it honest with Billy and being totally open with your feelings. No more hiding now. Billy’s opened his heart to you so you owe it to him to be honest about your feelings and I’m supposing right now that, although you have made Billy yours, you want to keep that a secret from everybody.

You’re going to play it like nothing ever happened and that you and Billy didn’t just come out to each other and, basically, propose to one another. You’re going to start lying to the world that Billy is just your friend and nothing else. In public, you’ll even lie to Billy’s face to keep you two ‘safe’ from discovery.

That’s not going to go the way you think it will. Billy’s not going to understand why you are so affectionate with him one minute and then don’t want to have anything to do with him the next. You have to understand, Billy’s invested as much in you as you have in him and you’re going to have to be mindful of that. The fear will make you selfishly guard against your feelings and make it so that you start playing ‘keep-away’ with Billy.

Let me assure you, my dear, that’s going to drive a big wedge between you and Billy. Your need to be careful around others in High School it understandable, but let Billy know about your fears. Let him share them with you. Don’t make him play guessing games with your heart and his. That is very unfair to Billy and may be the thing that breaks you two up which would be beyond sad!

You need to be honest with yourself about your feelings and as honest as you are about yourself, you’re going to need to be that honest with Billy. You see…he’s part of you now. Daniel and I came to that understanding a long time ago. No matter what happens, we promised that we would be honest with each other no matter what!

I’m not telling you to get over your fears entirely. Being careful might not be such a bad thing right now for you two, but what I am saying is that you can’t do it alone. You’ll need to talk openly and honestly with Billy and let him help you while you help him.

Love is always an exchange. Always! You give, he takes. He gives, you take. It’s a partnership and you have to understand this to make a relationship work. It’s in the word! RELATIONship. You have to relate to one another which is sharing and exchanging each other’s hardships and fears as well as mutual good feelings.

So, if you are feeling uncomfortable about you two being outed too soon then talk to Billy about it. Don’t keep him guessing. That’s all I’m saying.

There are other places of honesty you guys will need to explore as your relationship grows. So long as you are open and honest with each other then you can face these new territories together. Together you are stronger than just by yourselves.

Ok, I’m done with my lecture. I swear, I’m starting to sound like my mother!

Let me be honest with you about something, Brandon. Let me openly say how thankful I am that you have been so open and honest with me! I’m so glad that you and I became friends and that you’ve put enough trust in me to come to me with things like this.

I hope, one day, you’ll be able to open up like this to your Dad. That’s another frontier you’ll need to explore one day. You won’t be able to keep your love a secret from him for long. I suspect he already knows something’s up with you. I bet the next time I see you, I’ll know how much you’ve changed since inviting Billy into your heart. I have the advantage of knowing about what’s been going on with you while, I know, you having yet confided anything to your Dad about anything having to do with Billy.

But, I came to know your Dad pretty well when he was our singing coach. He is super perceptive about things. He’ll know you’re in love! He’ll give you your space until you finally come clean and be honest with him about what you are experiencing, but, ultimately, you’re going to need to let him know about Billy.

I know that scares you, but it shouldn’t.

He loves you like nothing else in the world. I know…he’s told me how proud he is of you. I was almost jealous of how much he loved you. I love my own Dad, but he’s kind of a lunkhead when it comes to the praise and affection department.

Start to learn to be honest with people about who you are. If they don’t respond well to your truth then that’s their problem, but let me assure you…honesty is your path to freedom!

The lies of the closet will only tangle you up and imprison you. Live your truth. Don’t be afraid of it.

Do it for you and do it for Billy! It is for the best!

Honest!