In Chandler's Hands - 11. True Love Waits

“Time to tell him how you feel about him (Billy).” That was my advice and I stick by it.

Yes, sir, Brandon. There’s a time to act while the iron is hot, as they say. He’s let you into the most intimate place in his world - his bedroom! From what you said to me over the phone, he was excited and happy to have you there.

What’s more, you say you guys talk as if you’ve known each other for years when, in actuality, you’ve only been seriously talking to one another for a few months at the most. Danny and I were that way when we started out. It was miraculously amazing to me! How could a man I barely knew talk to me about things like he knew me perfectly? I’ll tell you how that could happen! It can happen when you have found your soulmate!

There’s been many a love song or poem that’s described soulmates as being two people who share the same heart. Not physically, of course, but…spiritually! When you share the same heart with someone it’s like you can think the same thoughts, feel the same feelings, and experience life in very much the same ways. That’s why it is so easy to talk to that special someone and why you feel like you’ve know this person all your life! In a way, you have. Since you share a heart with that person, you will have known this person as well as you know yourself.

That’s the trick, though, with a soulmate - making sure you know yourself and accept yourself because when that person comes into your life, any doubts or holdups you have about yourself can be transferred to them! That…can cause you to miss your soulmate!

I think that’s the problem you might be having right now!

You’ve told me that this second time you visited him at his place - again in his room - you felt like you might have lost the connection you’d made the first time you visited. Billy seemed to ‘freeze up’ on you and not be able to tell you as much as you were telling him. You feel that this means you may have lost him already.

I say that you are each getting in your own way!

Like I said, unless you accept who you are and know yourself, you’ll put walls up and then you won’t be able to connect. You have to become comfortable in your own skin, trust yourself, let go, and let him in! So, it’s a risk! I get that, but another thing I’ve come to learn is that nothing worth while can be gained in this world without taking a chance! It takes courage and that can take time…

But…true love waits, Brandon!

If you two are right for each other…it will happen! Your job is to keep working on yourself and getting yourself square with who you are and what you want. At the same time, you need to indulge that urge to be with Billy as much as possible. Don’t let your own fears and insecurities block you off from making and strengthening that connection you feel with Billy!

Here will be a hard assignment for you, every time you think you want to call Billy and your inner voice tells you ‘no, he won’t want to hear from me’ for whatever reason, call anyway! I promise, if Billy is your soulmate then there won’t be any time that he won’t want to hear from you. You ask - ‘what if he’s not in the mood’? Well, you respect that, but I can promise that will rarely happen. With Danny and me, it only happened once and that’s only because Danny had just had a horrible day at work and couldn’t talk about it at that moment. Later, he spilled his guts and, you know what? That conversation we had later about what went on drew us closer than anything else! I waited for when he was ready to talk about it and that waiting paid off. I love Daniel and I love him enough to wait on him when he needs more time.

You can be patient like that too! You’ll feel it and Billy will let you know when he needs more time. Likewise, Billy will be able to feel when you need more time! That is, if it’s meant to be.

True love waits and in the waiting that love grows!

I know it seems contradictory, this pushing through your own misgivings to ‘push’ yourself on Billy, but then being patient and giving him time when he seems to be unreceptive. Here’s the difference: rather than you making that decision to connect or not, you leave that decision with him! You let him know you are there for him and he’ll come around when it is time for him to talk and be with you again.

True love waits on the loved one and gives the gifts of time and patience.

This is also important - don’t let your own doubts and insecurities put words or feelings into Billy’s head that aren’t even there! You can’t misinterpret his fumbling around and ‘freezing up’ based on some insecure feelings you might have that he doesn’t like you or that this isn’t working. Think about it! You’ve known a lot of straight guys in your life. Do any of them act the way Billy does? Would they straight-up flirt with you on the grassy lawn during lunch? No! I bet they wouldn’t!

Consider some of these possibly gay guys you’ve been meeting, have they acted anything like Billy does? Do you connect with them as you can with Billy? No! I bet even they don’t act the way Billy does around you!

Rather than comparing these guys with what you are experiencing with Billy, use Marie as a better model. Do you see any similarities between how Marie acted with you and how Billy acts? I bet there’s a lot of similarities there. Though you and Marie couldn’t be soulmates on one level, I bet you could on some others. She told me how easy it was to talk to you and how easy it was for you to talk to her. She was a lot more forward about her feelings than Billy is, but I bet his feelings are just as ardent. Look at things through that lens and tell me if you see things between you and Billy differently.

Seeing things more clearly should help you get over your fears and give you the courage to both persevere with Billy and wait on him when he needs your patience.

Letting in and letting go and doing so patiently will be the key to solve Billy’s puzzle, Brandon!

One more thing, don’t let your expectations run away with you!

I’m sure you have fantasies of Billy completely relenting and falling into your arms and that sex will be the next natural step. That, again, is going to take time. You both are balls of raging hormones. I know, I am too! But, I know that insecurities and fear are the biggest killers of libido this side of a real live T-Rex stomping up to your bedroom window to say ‘hi’! Don’t expect too much of yourself or Billy right now.

Take it easy! Be patient and let things unwind naturally as you guys get to know each other. Don’t try to force the issue. True love waits and when one waits for the right time the rewards are unbelievably awesome!