The In Between - 3. Emotional Involvement

03 ~Emotional Involvement~

"Here is one," Brandon said later that week. It was lunchtime and Brandon was sitting outside with Jordan, leafing through an Apartment Guide that Jordan had picked up on the way to school. "One bedroom with a washer/dryer hookup and a microwave. And it's pet friendly."

"I don't want a pet," Jordan said.

"You might one day," Brandon pointed out. "Like a goldfish or something."

Jordan smiled a little at that. He was stretched out, sunbathing, while Brandon looked through potential apartments, reading out their attributes to Jordan. What Brandon really wanted to do was to talk about Leia and Charion and take up the thread of the abandoned conversation from the hotel room earlier that week. But he knew for a fact that there was too much of a chance they could be overheard, so they stuck to a safer topic. Besides, it was kind of exciting looking for a new place. Even though it was technically going to be Jordan's new place, Brandon liked to pretend, inside his own head at least, that he was helping Jordan look for their place, where they could be alone and do... well, whatever they wanted.

Brandon leafed through a few more pages and checked his watch. They would have to head inside soon. The last few days, Jordan had either been eating lunch alone or with Brandon if he offered to join him. Brandon got the feeling that Jordan was teetering on the edge of exile from his clique of the brightest, best and most popular for continuing to date him but Jordan refused to confirm or deny and got annoyed when he had asked.

Alexis and Andrew didn't seem to care too much. They had joined Brandon and Jordan for lunch one day, but the mutual dislike building up between Jordan and Alexis had made it a tense, uncomfortable affair.

"Hey." Jordan's voice interrupted Brandon's train of thoughts.

"Hmmm?"

"What's up? You got quiet all of a sudden."

"Thinking."

"'Bout what?"

"Class stuff." Class stuff was their code word for anything involving Creating, Enabling, Leia, Charion, or anything else related to what they were having to deal with. They had made it up in the car one morning. It was short for classified stuff, which was technically what they considered it to be, but for anyone listening, it would sound like a school related topic. Brandon thought it was pretty clever. "I wish you had talked to me about what Nikki told us. When I had asked you earlier, you acted like you didn't know."

"I didn't see a need to," Jordan said. "It's not something I want you to think too hard on. We can't change it. But now that you know, just keep it in mind. If you are careful to watch over your own ass, you'll be helping me save mine."

"That's an interesting spin to put onto things," Brandon said. He grinned. "Of course, speaking of watching asses, I would rather watch yours."

Jordan grinned back at him and rolled over to give him a kiss. There was a collective squeal of feminine voices in the nearby vicinity. Brandon pulled back and rolled his eyes. "C'mon, let's get to class."

Brandon sat in his room in front of his computer thoughtfully. Jordan had left as soon as class was over to go check out some apartments before the offices closed for the day. Kelly was in her room watching a Hannah Montana marathon on T.V. He finally opened up his laptop and loaded Charion. Since he already had his name on file as a Creator, he decided not to try and sign on as someone else. The same scene came on, that damnable room. The same room from his dreams where he had seen Leia. The only time he had been able to see Leia.

When he dreamt of her the first time, he hadn't seen her enter the room and there had been no doors. It didn't matter much at the time because it had been a dream and dreams didn't have to make sense. But this wasn't a dream; this room was on the screen before him, real and empty. If he could figure out how Leia had gotten in here, then he could figure out how to get himself there. This was the first step in finding her, it had to be.

Okay. Think, he told himself. I know there is a couch, but I can't see it, so that must be the vantage point I'm seeing the room from. Leia wasn't at the piano the first time I was here, even though I was fairly close to it. She walked past me, so she had to enter from the other side of the room.

Brandon gently moved his fingers over the mouse and the sweeping panorama stopped. He clicked on the piano and found himself drawn closer to it. He could see the keyboard and clicked on a couple of the keys curiously. The tones pouring through the tiny laptop speakers were surprisingly rich. He remembered the YouTube video showing a keyboard as Tubular Bells played, but he didn't know it well enough to even make an attempt.

Besides, computer games that required some kind of actual talent in the real world weren't very fun. He turned and approached the far end of the room, where the fireplace was located.

There was a brief knock on his open door before Jordan stepped inside.

"How did apartment hunting go?" Brandon asked, glancing over and taking his hands off the keyboard.

"Not good," he replied, flopping down on the bed. "I need to start seeing these places on the weekends or something. Not many people are willing to make accommodations for someone who is in school until about three o' clock every day."

"Mmm."

"What are you doing?" Jordan asked, sitting up suddenly. Brandon had the feeling he had just caught Jordan's attention. There might have been a bit of sharpness in that question, or it might have been Brandon's imagination.

"Exploring," Brandon said mildly.

"Are you still underneath your own name?"

"Yeah."

"You know, I loaded a copy of that game onto one of my computers when I was at the house the other day and took a look at it. If you register as a Creator or an Enabler, it will load up as normal. But if you log in as a civilian, it'll download a super nasty virus onto your computer."

Brandon's eyes widened. "Are you for real?"

"Yeah. Do you know what this means?"

"Whoever is creating this game is trying to pigeonhole the players," Brandon said. "Arranging it so that only people who know about Creator/Enablers, or those who are curious can access it. Almost like they're trying to recruit people."

"Recruiting," Jordan acknowledged, nodding slightly. "Or it could be a trap. Something to lure us or other teams in. Like the kind of trap that got Nikki shot."

"But Leia is in this place. Leia wouldn't want to hurt me or trap me or anything like that."

"Leia might not even realize she's part of a trap. And even so, wherever she is, she's been there for a while. She might have changed, Bran."

"Remember the video? She's scared, she was asking for help. She needs me."

"Brandon--take a step back and think. You're getting too emotionally involved-"

"Of course I'm emotionally involved!" Brandon said, turning around in the chair to look at Jordan. "She's my friend!"

"I know that, but you need to look at this objectively," Jordan said gently. "Leia is in that video, but that doesn't mean she made it. Whoever made it could have set up a scene that was staged. Plus we're not even sure who made it or even who posted it yet. Although we both know who is the common denominator in this whole situation."

Brandon nodded. Leia was the common denominator, and Leia plus Creating or Enabling equaled Keith. This all lead back to Leia and anything involving Leia led back to Keith. This had his mark all over it.

"That's another reason we need to be especially careful," Jordan said. "He has it out for both of us. And he's another one of your weaknesses, Bran. Whatever kind of hold he has on you, you need to break it. Now."

"He doesn't have a hold on me."

"He caused you to take a knife to your skin. I would say he definitely does. They're your weaknesses, him and Leia."

"Well, what about you?" Brandon countered, feeling defensive. "What are your weaknesses?"

"You are," Jordan said simply. "Maybe Dylan, too, a little bit, but mainly you."

Brandon felt his face grow hot. "Well," he said with a throat that felt dry and tight, "-I would tell you to break whatever hold I have on you, but I have a feeling it wouldn't work out in my best interest."

Jordan smirked. "I don't think I would want to break the hold you have on me." Jordan approached him and took Brandon's hand, placed it on his chest where his heart was beating. "In fact, I rather like it."

For the first time in his life, Brandon was speechless.

That evening Brandon tossed and turned in his bed, unable to get to sleep. It wasn't that he wasn't tired, hell, during the week he was always tired but his mind wouldn't turn off.

He had finally figured out that you could walk into the fireplace (it wasn't like there was anything burning in there, after all) in the game, and once you did that, there was a little switch--turn it the right way and the fireplace opened up, like some kind of portal, and you ended up in a different place... kinda like the warp zones in the Mario games he played on Nintendo when he was little. It had opened up on a field... brilliant blades of bold green grass filled his line of sight, and a sky so blue and bright it almost hurt to look at it, even through a computer screen. He wanted to be there. He wanted to be there so bad it was like a physical ache in his chest. And now not just because Leia was there, but because he honestly wanted to see this place.

He wanted to see this In Between, this other world.

All he had to do now was figure out how to get there.

That weekend, during a cold and clear Saturday, Brandon snuck away to see Nikki and Dalaja at the hospital while Jordan went apartment hunting. Nikki wasn't there, she had been taken away somewhere for a chest X-ray, but Dalaja went with him to the cafeteria where she ordered some lunch and he settled for a cup of coffee. Normally he only drank it when nursing a hangover, and he was mildly disappointed that it didn't taste nearly as good when he was sober. Or maybe the hospital just didn't have good coffee.

"So what's on your mind?" Dalaja asked, cutting up her salad.

"I have some questions about Enabling."

Dalaja gave him a curious look. "Why are you asking me? You have an Enabler to talk to."

"He's gone out to take care of some personal errands. Besides, I think you know a little bit more about Enabling than he does at times."

"No Enabler is going to have all the answers, Bran. The same goes for Creators. There's too much that we just don't know about."

"I know. Can I at least ask?"

"Shoot."

"Well, I know that an Enabler can bring over... objects and stuff. But what about something bigger?"

"Depends on how big the thing is that you are referring to. When that other Enabler brought over their creature, the one Jordan told me about, it nearly killed the Enabler from what I understand."

"Yeah. So it would be impossible to bring something bigger over. Like an entire planet?"

"Hell, honey, forget being too big. You couldn't do that without breaking the laws of physics. No, you can't bring things that are unreasonably large over here."

"So if someone created, like, another world, there would be no way to get there?"

"Not necessarily," Dalaja countered. "You could just go over there."

"Over there?" Brandon echoed.

Dalaja speared a piece of egg with her fork. "You're wanting to ask me about Reverse Enabling, aren't you?"

Reverse Enabling?

"Uh... yeah."

"Well, Reverse Enabling is used for special circumstances. When a Creator creates something that is too large or too complex to be brought over, or if an Enabler needs to cross into another plane, you should use Reverse Enabling. It's not commonly done because it is difficult and dangerous. It's a popular concept, but it's not widely practiced."

"So if I needed something in a different reality, I could go there?" Brandon asked. His heart was racing inside his chest with a tiny sliver of excitement giving it an extra kick.

"Of course not. You're not an Enabler. It would require both of you, but you need to be careful and aware of where you are going, what you are doing. Reverse Enabling is very dangerous, Brandon, that is why people don't do it very often," Dalaja said. She rested her chin on the tips of her steepled fingers. "You haven't talked to Jordan about any of this, have you?"

"I didn't know."

Dalaja closed her eyes and sighed. "It's not my place to tell other teams how to work, but I doubt it is a good idea for Jordan to continue to keep certain aspects of your abilities and limitations from you. Having said that, I also don't think it is wise for you to be seeking information from other sources unless Jordan has explicitly told you that he doesn't know anything about a certain area of Enabling or Creating. All right?"

Brandon shrugged. "Whatever. Are you going to tell me some more about Reverse Enabling?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"None of your business," Brandon said flatly.

"Then, no, I'm not," Dalaja said. Feeling that was only fair, he got up with her and followed her back up to Nikki's room where she had returned from the X-ray and was poking morosely at her lunch. She told them, somewhat more cheerfully, that if everything continued to go well then she should be able to leave by the end of next week. Brandon chatted with her for a few minutes before going back home. Jordan's car was still gone, so Brandon lay down on the sofa. He was a little sleepy, but instead of closing his eyes and drifting off, he called Alexis.

"Hello," Alexis chirped into the receiver.

"Hey, Lexi, it's Brandon."

"Yeah, I know."

"I wanted to ask you something."

"Sure, what's up?"

"Do you know anything about computer games?"

Jordan pulled back into the driveway of Brandon's house. Folders and booklets littered the seat next to him, and he gathered them up into some semblance of order and tucked them into his bag. He had visited several places and his head was reeling with room plans, rent rates, leases and policies. Now he knew why Dylan had built a house; it was less fucking complicated. He opened up the door and looked around. Brandon was lying on the couch, talking on the telephone. When he saw him, he sat up and wrapping up his end of the conversation, flipped the phone shut. "Hey."

"Hey." Jordan walked over to the couch, flopping down next to Brandon, leaning back into the cushions. He turned his head and kissed Brandon, marveling a little bit at how perfectly normal it felt to do so.

"Find any good apartments?" Brandon asked.

"A couple. But I feel a little overwhelmed." Jordan ran his hand through Brandon's hair and felt Brandon lean into his touch slightly. He liked this, coming home and sitting there next to Brandon, touching him casually. "Where is everybody?"

"Mom and Kelly are at some kind of camping retreat for her Girl Scout troop. Dad's at work."

"On a Saturday?" Jordan asked. He found himself watching Brandon's mouth as he talked, watching his lips moving.

"Mechanics work weekends, too."

"I didn't know your dad was a mechanic."

"Yep. So if your car ever starts to have problems, let me know and I'll have Dad look at it."

"Cool." Jordan glanced at Brandon again, continuing to let his fingers run through those strands of hair. Brandon had dark hair and frequently liked to dye it, streak it through with crazy colors. Jordan thought that might damage his hair, leave it rough and course, but it was smooth and baby fine against his fingers. He gently moved his hand to the back of Brandon's head, pulled him forward and kissed him softly. Brandon responded, leaning forward, pressing his mouth firmly over his.

Brandon shifted forward, moving his whole body closer, letting his mouth move over Jordan's. Arousal was already beginning to burn a slow fire in him, igniting in his groin and spreading down his thighs, crawling up his ribs and radiating against his armpits. He liked the way Jordan's hands felt on him, one still gently cradling his head, the other one resting on his knee, then sliding lightly up his leg. Brandon slid his own hands up underneath Jordan's T-shirt, scraped his nails over his chest, gently rubbing his thumbs over Jordan's nipples, feeling them harden and stiffen. He sucked Jordan's lower lip into his mouth, bit it softly then slid his tongue over it. He felt his pants grow tight.

Jordan broke away, breathing heavily. He glanced at Brandon and used both his hands to push Brandon's hair back. "Can we continue this upstairs?" he asked. He felt ridiculous; he knew they were alone in the house, but he couldn't help but remember the moment that his brother had walked in on the two of them, how the lust burning in his stomach had cooled and congealed with embarrassment.

"Yeah, sure," Brandon said. He would have agreed to a frontal lobotomy at the moment if Jordan had asked him to in that sexy, breathless whisper. He climbed off of Jordan, stood up and followed him upstairs to his room. Once inside, Jordan dropped his bag onto the floor and Brandon locked the door. Brandon turned and stepped forward, reached out, his hand grabbing at Jordan's belt and jeans. He pulled him up against him, pressing his mouth against his again. He felt hot all over, like there was a fever spreading over his body. He felt Jordan's mouth open under his and pressed the momentary advantage, deepening the kiss, sliding his tongue into his mouth. It felt so good to kiss Jordan; he loved the way his mouth tasted. His head was spinning and he shivered slightly as Jordan's trembling hands moved to Brandon's shirt, unbuttoning the buttons slowly. Jordan slid his hands inside, running up the smooth skin, fingers tripping over ribs and up his chest to push it off Brandon's shoulders. He pressed a kiss against Brandon's neck then traveled down his shoulder. His skin was so pale, like snow, but hot against his lips and tongue.

"Take your shirt off," Brandon murmured. "I want to touch you."

Jordan shrugged out of it hurriedly, impatient to let his hands and mouth return to that warm skin. Brandon's hand stroked his stomach, slid around his waist, and traveled up his back, tracing along the knobby line of his spine, then sliding back down. His fingers hooked into the waistband of Jordan's pants, pulling his hips forward. Brandon felt the hard line of Jordan's erection nudge against him and moaned softly. Everything felt so good, was so sweet and hot and sexy. He unbuckled Jordan's belt and pulled it through the loops, the expensive leather making a soft hissing sound as it slid against the denim. He dropped it on the floor and unhooked the top button of Jordan's jeans, looking up at him.

"Is this okay?" Brandon asked, the words dry in his nervous throat. Jordan nodded, putting his hand over Brandon's and guiding his fingers to his zipper.

"Don't stop," he said, and Brandon pulled down on the zip, slid his hands inside the jeans, ran them around his hips and pushed down on the denim. He could see Jordan' cock, straining against the cotton material of his boxer-briefs and stroked it through the soft material, fondling it gently. Jordan groaned back in his throat. Carefully Brandon slid the jeans the rest of the way down Jordan's legs, kneeling down. Jordan's breath grew a little bit less steady as Brandon leaned forward and kissed his stomach as his hands grabbed the waistband of his boxer-briefs and pulled them down, releasing his erect cock. Brandon carefully gripped the base in one hand before leaning forward and licking the head of Jordan's cock gently, catching a tiny drop of precum oozing from the head. He slid his lips over the head, sucking gently, hearing Jordan's low moan from above him. Encouraged, he slid his lips down his shaft, then back up to tease the head some more, his tongue circling the hot flesh and sweeping over the slit. Brandon was a little surprised at how good it felt. He had hated doing it with Keith. But this was exciting and arousing, to be there with Jordan's cock in his mouth, hearing him moaning and gasping, making it obvious that Brandon was making him feel good. Brandon took a breath and lowered his mouth over the shaft, letting it slide back into his throat. His gag reflex jumped and he backed off a little, then tried again. He used his other hand to stroke up the inside of Jordan's thigh, then gently fondled Jordan's balls, liking the feel of them in his fingers, heavy and warm.

Jordan had one of his hands on Brandon's shoulder, the other clenched in a fist, and Brandon felt his body shift. He used both of his hands to grip Jordan's hips, to hold him steady while he took him all the way back into his throat, swallowing around him. Jordan let out a low, drawn out cry as he climaxed, filling Brandon's mouth. Brandon drank him down, holding him steady. Brandon finally released his cock, giving the tip of it one last kiss, and stood up, kissing Jordan deeply. Jordan kissed him back, tasting the warm heavy flavor of his own climax mixed with the unique taste of Brandon's mouth. Brandon drew away and unfastened his pants as Jordan untangled his feet from the twisted cotton around his legs. Jordan sat down on the bed and Brandon sat down next to him, leaned over to kiss him again. His cock was warm and hard and throbbing pleasantly, the taste of Jordan still lingering in his mouth. He never felt more aroused, more desirable than he did at that moment.

Brandon knelt down, placed another soft kiss on the inside of Jordan's thigh, moved his head to let his lips drift over the ridge of his hipbone. Jordan shivered as that soft hair brushed against his cock. Brandon's mouth continued its upward trek, over his stomach, up his chest. He bit on a nipple, not hard, but enough to make Jordan gasp. He slid his tongue over it then pulled on it with his teeth. He released the nipple, skimmed his lips up his shoulder and neck. He could hear Jordan's breathing, shaky and frantic, and it seemed so loud in the quiet, the sound seeming to grow and amplify until it was filling up the room. He kissed him again, growing a little bit more aggressive.

"I want to fuck you," Brandon said after the kiss ended, watching Jordan's face.

Jordan frowned slightly. "Is it going to hurt?"

"I don't know. I'll try not to."

Jordan bit his lip, chewing on it nervously for a moment. "Okay. How do you want me?"

"On your stomach," Brandon said and opened his beside drawer. After he had been with Keith a few times, he had gone to the drug store and had gotten a few supplies in the highly unlikely situation that they might end up having sex at his house. He pulled out a condom and a small tube of lubrication.

Jordan had obediently rolled over and was resting his head on his crossed arms. Brandon straddled him. He ran his hands up and down Jordan's back feeling the warm skin under his palms and fingers, his eyes straying to the tattoo on Jordan's shoulder as he stroked his thumb over it. He impulsively leaned over and pressed his lips against the outer edge of it and felt Jordan shiver slightly underneath him. He played his lips up the warm flesh until they met the thin, tender skin of his throat. He kissed his way up his neck, letting his tongue slide up his ear. Jordan moaned and pressed his backside up against Brandon's hips, and Brandon had to resist the urge to thrust, to rub his cock against that firm smooth skin. He knew if he started, he wouldn't be able to stop and it wouldn't take much to make him come. He was so aroused he was about to go crazy from it. He had never felt this way, even when he was squirming and begging in Keith's bed.

He levered himself back up and opened the lube, squirting some onto his fingers. He slid a finger in between Jordan's buttocks, caressing and rubbing the tight hole before gently working his finger in.

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah," Jordan breathed out. Brandon worked that finger in and out, and slowly, carefully added another finger. He worked them in, gently stretching and slid them in deep. Jordan gasped and Brandon froze. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Jordan gasped. "Do it again."

Brandon smiled and slid his fingers back in, making sure they hit that exact same spot.

"Holy fuck," Jordan whispered.

Brandon added some more lube and started a third finger. It was a little harder, but eventually he had all three fingers working in and out of Jordan's opening. He pulled his fingers free and ripped the condom open with clumsy, slippery fingers and slid it over his erection.

"Turn over baby," Brandon said hoarsely. "I want to see your face when you come." Jordan flipped himself onto his back, his cock standing at full attention. Jordan stroked it lazily as he watched Brandon slick some more lube onto his cock. Brandon gently caught Jordan's hand, pulled it away before he bent down over Jordan, kissing him.

"Ready?" he asked. Jordan nodded.

"Say it," Brandon said.

"I'm ready," Jordan said, his voice breathless, needy. "God, I'm so ready. Please."

Brandon slid a hand under Jordan's knee, lifted one leg slightly, encouraging Jordan to bend his knee and spread the other leg out, before lining himself up. He used one hand to brace himself on the bed and slowly, steadily slid into Jordan's body. He pressed forward, sinking in all the way and paused. It felt so good, almost unreal, to be inside Jordan like this, to feel that tight heat around him.

"God baby," he said, pressing his face against Jordan's neck, where he could feel his pulse racing. "You feel so good." He kissed Jordan's neck, his face, then turned his head slightly to kiss Jordan fully, face to face and mouth to mouth.

Brandon started to move, small, gentle, rocking thrusts, watching Jordan's face. Jordan looked at him, placed his hands on Brandon's shoulders and bit his lip.

"More?" Brandon asked, and Jordan nodded. Brandon pulled out a little further then slid back inside, picking up a rhythm, shifting back and rocking forward. He did that, kept adjusting his position until he heard the gasp from Jordan that he had heard earlier...that let him know he'd found that spot inside him. He smirked and thrust, hitting the spot again. "Feel good baby?"

"God. Yes," Jordan said, his head falling back, his face and neck and chest slick with perspiration. Brandon continued to thrust, leaning down to lick at his skin, the salty taste of sweat dancing across his tongue. He was humping and fucking steadily now; the tight heat of Jordan felt so good, felt too good. Brandon wrapped his free hand around Jordan's cock, began stroking it as he fucked him. He could feel Jordan's hand somewhere, nails digging into skin, but all of his sensation was centered around his dick, that tight heat and the smooth silky slide of Jordan's cock in his hand.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." Jordan panted steadily as Brandon pounded into him. "Oh fuck, fuck, fuckit, I'm gonna-" Brandon felt Jordan tense up around him and something inside his body just exploded. It couldn't be an orgasm, it was too intense, it was too good, it was a fucking detonation of the fiercest, sweetest pleasure he had ever known, and he lost any semblance of control, just pressing and thrusting into that warmth, that heat until it had drained his body of everything he could offer.

He rested his weight on his forearms and elbows, shaking as he came down off his high. He felt weak and trembling, his muscles loose and slack. He closed his eyes. Waited for his world to return. To settle back to normal.

He kissed Jordan again, then pushed up and shifted his hips so he could slide out. He got up, removed the soiled condom and dropped it in the trash. When he turned back to the bed, he saw that Jordan had shifted to lie on his side and Brandon slid back into bed next to him, face to face. He smiled at Jordan, but Jordan refused to meet his eyes. His gaze was downcast, his face tense and anxious.

"C'mere," Brandon said softly, holding out his arms. Jordan scooted into them easily, pressing his hot face into Brandon's shoulder. Brandon hugged him, felt Jordan trembling against him and realized he was shaking just as bad.

He had been scared, Brandon realized. He wasn't aware of it earlier while lust was running thick and heavy through his body, but now that it was over and the need was satisfied, he knew that he had been scared, so scared of hurting Jordan. When he had been with Keith, what they had done had felt good...eventually. But before that, there had always been pain, and in some cases, quite a lot of it. And he didn't want that with Jordan. Didn't even want to come close.

"Are you all right?" Brandon asked, running a hand up and down his back.

"Yeah," Jordan reassured him, then lifted his face up, kissed him. "I'm good."

Brandon looked down at him and then closed his eyes, pressed his face against Jordan's hair. The forbidden phrase, the one that Brandon had kept locked tight inside for all that time was battling to get out, fluttering around in his chest like a bird trapped in a cage, wanting to be released into the air where it could reach Jordan's ears. It actually took a physical effort to keep his mouth shut, caused him to clench his teeth and roll his tongue back in his mouth to keep from saying it.

Because he wanted to, so bad.

Wanted to tell Jordan that he loved him.