Unrequited - 3. Propositions

Propositions

"Is your name really Samuel Adams?" Anthony asked Saturday after Samuel had picked him up.

"Yes," Samuel said. "Why?"

Anthony shook his head, smiling. "Your parents must have a wicked sense of humor."

Samuel didn't respond to that. He was trying to focus on his driving. His hand was slippery on the gearshift and he was scared that with his nerves he would disengage the clutch and they would stall out or something equally embarrassing. Anthony was not making things much easier on him either, lounging in his passenger seat in pair of faded jeans and a tight T-shirt. His hair was down, hanging around his face and he looked delicious. Samuel kept sneaking looks over, hoping he wasn't being obvious.

Anthony caught him watching though, and smiled again. "Like what you see over there?"

Samuel felt his face heat up. "Maybe," he replied.

"Where are we going?" Anthony asked as Samuel turned onto the interstate.

"A couple of towns over," Samuel said. "I thought you might want to go someplace where no one would recognize us."

Anthony shrugged. "Whatever you want man." He drummed his fingers on his thigh restlessly. "Can I turn on the radio?"

"Sure."

Samuel felt himself blush as Anthony turned on the radio and found it on NPR. Could he be any more of a geek? Anthony rolled through the stations, settling on classic rock playing something by the Steve Miller band. Samuel relaxed slightly. At least it wasn't pop. Today's music set him on edge. It was too noisy.

The rest of the drive passed without conversation, made less tense and awkward by the radio. Anthony stared out the window at the passing scenery. None of this struck Samuel as odd. He was a quiet person and Anthony, from what little he had seen, was quiet too. That was fine with him. Jeannie, while a good friend, was also an incessant talker and he couldn't understand her ability to keep producing words all the time. Didn't she ever stop to take a break?

Samuel eventually pulled over and parked the car near a wooded area. "Come on," he said, opening the door and getting out. Anthony got out and shivered a little in the cold.

"Let me get you a jacket or something," Samuel said, seeing Anthony shivering. He rummaged in the back, found a sweater, and offered it to Anthony. Anthony took it, tugged it on. It was a little tight on him, but he didn't seem to care.

"Thanks," Anthony muttered and smiled a little.

Samuel smiled back. "No problem."

For some reason, seeing Anthony standing there, wearing his clothing, really turned Samuel on.

They walked through the woods, fall leaves crunching under their feet for a few minutes.

"Um...so...about last weekend..." Samuel started.

"Do I need to apologize?" Anthony asked.

"Apologize?"

"Yeah. I've been feeling kinda bad about what I did to you. I mean..." Anthony shrugged and his face began to turn red. "I knew that you didn't think much of me. Then later on in the night I basically just jumped you."

"I didn't make you stop," Samuel pointed out.

"I didn't give you a chance," Anthony countered.

"I didn't need one," Samuel said. "I liked it...being with you. Liked it enough to track you down. In fact..." He screwed up his courage and took a step forward, tentatively placed a hand on Anthony's chest. "I would really like it if you did it again."

Anthony went still. "Are you serious?" he asked.

"Do you think I would be joking about this right now?"

"I'm not sure," Anthony said. "I can't figure you out."

"I'm not asking you to figure me out. I'm asking you to touch me." Samuel swallowed hard, lifted his eyes up to meet Anthony's and voiced his deepest fear. "Do you not want to anymore?"

Anthony didn't answer, but bent his head and pressed his lips against Samuel's. Samuel felt relief bloom like a flower inside his chest as he returned Anthony's kiss. Anthony tugged at the waist of his jeans, pulling him closer. He ran his hand up the back of Samuel's shirt, warm skin against cool fingertips. Samuel moaned and pressed himself deeper into the kiss, moving closer to Anthony. He brought his hands up to run his fingers through Anthony's hair, which was soft, sliding silk across his skin.

Anthony's mouth was hot and sweet. Samuel pushed his tongue forward, wanting to taste more of him. Anthony's hands tightened in response, the one underneath his shirt sliding up in between his shoulder blades. The other one lingered at Samuel's waist, holding onto him by the belt loops of his jeans.

Anthony broke off the kiss, looking down at Samuel with his dark eyes. "Are you sure about this?" Anthony asked.

"I'm sure," Samuel replied, hoping he at least sounded confident.

"I can't fuck you. I don't have protection with me," Anthony said, stroking his thumbs along Samuel's spine. "But I can still make you feel good. Go stand by that tree."

Samuel did as he was told, feeling strangely as though he was trapped in a surreal dream and that all this would eventually fissure and break apart, leaving him with messy sheets and a fading feeling of orgasm aftermath. He didn't care though, as Anthony resumed kissing him, backing him up against the tree. A shower of golden leaves fell down around them, decorating their hair and shoulders, covering their shoes. Anthony's hand went down to the waist of Samuel's jeans again, this time undoing the fly. Samuel watched Anthony pull away and lower himself to his knees. He tugged down on Samuel's jeans and underwear. Samuel hissed a little as his erection was exposed to the chill winter air but then it was almost immediately engulfed by the wet heat of Anthony's mouth.

Samuel groaned, his eyes slipping closed and his mouth falling open.

"Oh God."

Anthony would have smirked if his mouth hadn't been full of cock. If nothing else, Samuel sure knew how to stroke a guy's ego. The thought of stroking brought Anthony's attention to his own growing need and he reached down with one hand, unfastening his jeans. He reached inside his boxers, closing his hand around his erection. He stroked himself with one hand, used the other to grab the base of Samuel's cock, gripping it firmly. He slid his lips up to suck at the head, then took the entire thing into his mouth, down his throat. Samuel threw his head back, moaning, suddenly grateful for the tree behind him for support. He reached out with one hand, found Anthony's head, unable to keep himself from running his fingers through his hair, being careful not to pull or tug but it just felt so good to have it there in his hands while that mouth worked him.

This was different, not the hot hard fist of arousal that had pummeled him into submission at the party but rather a gentle invitation that was pulling him up, bringing him higher until he was breathless and dizzy from it. He tilted his head down, opened his eyes, watching Anthony's mouth working over his cock. He moaned.

"Anthony...please..."

Hearing Samuel's breathless voice sent another tremor of arousal through Anthony. He moaned in pleasure, Samuel gasping as the vibrations danced over his cock. He dug his hands into the bark of the tree behind him. His hips began to thrust and jerk. He was about to orgasm and tried to tell Anthony, but his mouth wasn't working too well.

"I-I'm going to...ah..."

He didn't have time to get the words out before he was cumming, spurting into Anthony's mouth. Anthony started slightly, like he was surprised, before pulling away. He swallowed, feeling his stomach jump.

Samuel groaned, sliding down the tree until he was kneeling down on the ground, his clothes still bunched around his ankles. He opened his eyes; saw Anthony still kneeling on the ground, working his own cock furiously, cum still smeared on his lips. Samuel leaned forward and kissed him, putting his hands on top of Anthony's. Anthony removed his hands and let Samuel stroke him. Samuel ran his hand up and down Anthony's cock, gripping hard and moving fast and hoped he was doing the right thing. He thought so because he could hear Anthony moaning and panting right next to his ear; growling and biting his ear gently when he came.

They knelt down on the ground, both of them, Anthony slightly out of breath and Samuel with his hand still on Anthony's softening cock. Samuel finally removed his hand, sticky with warm cum, holding it up in front of his face with fascination. He had never even seen another man's cum before, much less thought that he would be touching it. He licked one of his fingers contemplatively, absorbing the salty, slightly bitter taste of it.

"Dude, don't. That's disgusting," Anthony said, knocking Samuel's hand away from his mouth. Samuel blushed and stood, pulled his underwear and pants back up. It was disgusting for him to taste Anthony's cum but okay for Anthony to swallow his? That didn't make sense. Maybe he shouldn't have come in Anthony's mouth. Maybe he should have tried to warn him sooner, maybe he should have tried to push Anthony away. Was Anthony disgusted with him now? Had he fucked this all up?

Samuel wiped his hand off on his jeans, not sure what else to do about it. Anthony was fastening up his own pants; his back turned.

"Are you all right?" Samuel asked nervously.

"Yeah," Anthony said automatically. "I'm fine."

Samuel fished his keys out of his pocket. "I'm a little hungry," he said, hoping to prolong the afternoon. "Do you want to stop somewhere?"

"Sure."

They walked back to the car in silence. Anthony had his hands stuffed into his pockets. Samuel wondered if he would have had the courage to reach for Anthony's hand if they hadn't been in his pockets. He was feeling more confident after the experience in the woods but was still a little lost. How far could they go? Was there a limit? They had gone about this backwards...didn't the dating usually come before the sex? Samuel tried to shrug it off as he got into the car. He had Anthony now. That's all that mattered.

* * *

Samuel sat across from Anthony in the fast food restaurant, eating a cheeseburger and glancing at Anthony occasionally. He felt warm and content. This day was as close to his fantasy as he would allow himself to get. Earlier that morning, he had almost packed a blanket and a picnic basket just in case but had changed his mind at the last minute, feeling like he might be pushing things a bit too far. But this was just as nice.

Anthony was mostly quiet, focusing on eating, but frowning slightly.

"Where to?" Samuel asked as they left the restaurant. He thought about asking Anthony if anything was bothering him, but earlier he said he had been fine and Samuel didn't see why things would be different now. All they did was eat lunch. But Anthony was still frowning slightly.

"Home," Anthony answered. "I have a game tonight."

Right, Samuel told himself. He remembered Emily mentioning practice that one day he took her home.

"Basketball?" he guessed.

Anthony raised his eyebrows. "How'd you guess?"

Samuel blushed as he started the car and turned out of the parking lot. "Why do you think I'm guessing?"

"I didn't think you would follow sports."

Samuel shrugged. It was a guess, but he didn't need to let Anthony know that. The silence was blanketed by the mellow rock pouring out of the speakers and Samuel hummed along to several of the songs he vaguely knew.

He pulled up into the driveway and parked the car. Anthony glanced at him, and then unbuckled his seatbelt.

"Thanks." He climbed out of the car. Samuel sat there for a moment, a little piqued and wondering what to do. Did he not even get a good-bye kiss?

"Hey," Samuel said, opening the door and stepping out. Anthony had picked up a basketball from the ground and was bouncing it on the ground, passing it from one hand to another.

"What is it?" Anthony asked.

"What's going to happen on Monday?" Samuel asked. He was in unfamiliar territory and he didn't want to leave without having a good idea of where he stood. Would they start holding hands? Sitting together at lunch? Maybe he could drive Anthony home on days he didn't have practice.

"Nothing," Anthony said. He spun the ball on his fingertip. "We'll get up, go to school, go home. Same as always. Nothing's changed."

"What are we going to tell people?"

"About what?"

"About us. Being together."

"You're not. Samuel, listen. There is no "us". There is a you and there is a me and they are two completely separate people with completely separate lives and they are going to stay that way."

"But I thought we were going out now," Samuel protested. They had just had sex twice. Or did the only the first time count?

Anthony rolled his eyes as he rotated the ball in his hands. "Why would you think that? I don't even like you that much."

"Then why--in the woods--"

"Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed the sex we had at the party. And I sucked you off back there because I wanted to make up for the fact that I might have taken advantage of you a little bit before. But sex is sex, it's fun but it doesn't mean we're in a relationship. In fact, I would prefer it if I never had to see you again."

Samuel felt his throat tighten. He hated that Anthony's last couple of words were hurting him...it wasn't like he had never heard them before.

"Well-well-" Samuel knew he was floundering, caught off guard and he hated it. "Can't we just be...I don't know...friends?"

"Friends?" Anthony repeated with a trace of contempt in his voice, raising an eyebrow.

"Like-like friends with benefits maybe?" Samuel suggested.

"And what would the benefit be?" Anthony asked, smirking coldly. Samuel tried to speak but when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. His throat felt taut and tight and with a touch of horror he found himself on the verge of tears. He closed his eyes and turned away, crossing his arms. He had the feeling that Anthony wouldn't respond well to tears.

"I can get sex anywhere," Anthony continued. "What do you have to offer?"

What did he have to offer? He was a lonely geek and Anthony was smooth, cool and sexy. What did he have to offer him? Nothing.

He heard feet crossing the asphalt, and then Anthony's warm hand was on his chin, forcing his face up. Samuel closed his eyes, his skin on fire. He could feel Anthony's eyes on him, knew if he opened his eyes, he would see that dark searching gaze on him. The thought made his face burn even hotter.

"I have a proposition for you Adams," Anthony finally said. "I'm aware that you know my sister."

Samuel opened his eyes. "Emily."

"Yes. I want you to go out with her."

"Go out with her?"

"Yes. Date her."

"W-Why-"

"She's a slut," Anthony said flatly. "I hate to speak so poorly about a family member, but it's the truth. And I am tired of trying to keep her out of trouble with boys. However, if she is with someone, dating him exclusively, she will remain faithful to that person for as long as they are together. She does have some morals, and loyalty is one of them. Do this for me and I will give you the benefits you are looking for."

"I-I can't do that."

"Do you have anything better to offer me?"

"Well, no but-"

"But nothing. I am giving you a choice here, Samuel. Let me know what you decide." Anthony turned away.

"I don't think this would work," Samuel said. "I don't think your sister even likes me, I'm not her type."

"She doesn't hate you. She allowed you to take her home and she kissed you. She wouldn't do that if she found you completely repulsive."

"But I can't do that. It's wrong. How can I go out with her and expect her to be faithful to me if I'm not being faithful to her in return?"

"I don't know. That's not something I tend to think about too much." Anthony shrugged. "I'm just making the offer. If you can't stomach the idea, then don't take it. Simple enough." He laid the ball up and watched it fall through the hoop with satisfaction. "I'll keep my eyes and ears on Emily to see what you decide. Until then, don't come over to my house and don't approach me at school about any of this or you'll be sorry." The ball rolled back across the pavement and Anthony picked it up, glared at Samuel with eyes that were hard and cold. "Well? Why are you still standing there? Get lost."

Samuel got back into his car. He pulled out of the driveway and turned out of the neighborhood. Once he was on the main road, the tears started coming. He pulled into the parking lot of a vet's office and dropped his head onto the steering wheel. His vision blurred and his chest burned as he started to sob.

He was so stupid. He had thought it had meant something. He had thought that for once in his life someone had been able to look at him and see something there. That he had actually meant something to somebody.

What a fool. Just sex. Just fun. Just another way for someone else to use him, to fuck him over.

He was so stupid.

So goddamn stupid.

* * *

He had recovered only marginally by Monday. He felt sick every time he saw Anthony or Emily. After the class he had shared with Anthony was over, he spent part of the next class period in the restroom, vomiting into the toilet, his insides cold and tight with his misery.

The next day was no better.

But Samuel was a patient person and he waited each day for it to hurt less, for it to get better, get easier. It didn't.

The next week he began to think about Anthony's proposition. It was wrong on so many levels that he couldn't even believe that Anthony had suggested it.

It was more disturbing that he was beginning to consider it.