Missed Connections - 1. Chapter 1 - Why you don't shower in high school locker rooms

We saw each other from across the field, that was when we first caught eyes, or at least I his. However do you ever have that feeling as though someone was watching you? Glaring deep into your soul as if they’d known you from a past life.

This eerie feeling I got from this pure stranger, it was… dangerous, scary and… tantalizing. Something I certainly could not shake from my body as it quivered needlessly as I looked long and hard at his form.

His eyes were hazel and glowing, his hair a wavy smooth mess of golden blonde and brown. His skin smooth and tan, his body seemed one with the earth as though he’d adopted the strong muscular features from a tiger, his great height from a grand old oak, his beautiful bone structure from the most elegant of birds.

We stared for moments and moments and moments more, puzzled and confused as to what was this fluttering of leaves growing from my legs into my groin, past my stomach and deep into the choice parts of my head that sent me into a trance of sorts. It was dizzying, it was so exciting, I’d never felt it before but in some sick and demented way I wanted to feel it again and again and again, until I became inaudible and my body paralyzed, I wanted it.

He took his gaze from me while I only continued to look on, have I ever witnessed hair so smooth and soft that it flies? Have I ever witnessed lips so red and full as though they’d burst? What was it about this boy that turned me upside down, inside out and mentally disabled?

“Uhhhh. Tristan?"

“Wha…What…?”

"Umm Trist you’ve been staring off into space for hella days… Are you alright?”

“Ye, ye”

“Tristan that aint even a word… are you sure you’re okay?"

“Hey Sean, who’s that new kid over there?”

“That’s Taylor, weren’t you listening when Mr. Wilson introduced him? By the way stop staring at him you’re starting to look like a creeper, what the hell is wrong with you man?"

I shook my head and looked back at Sean sitting next to me as we waited for our turn to bat. I guess I was going to have to continue my examination later.

“Nah man, that’s hella gay I was just wondering who the hell the new kid is ‘cuz he looks hella stupid out there.”

“Whaaaaaat- to-the-flippin’-ever man, he’s hittin’ shit better than you so don’t even be trippin’ thinking that you’re better. Look at him he’s like the best batter we’ve had all year.”

I socked Sean in the arm and then gave him my best “what-the-fuck” face I could make. “You’re trippin’ balls. I don’t think I’m better, I aint all conceited like you are!” I gave a laugh, I’m soooo good at playing it off, my attraction to boys that is. Otherwise I wouldn’t be as popular as I am I this vicious jungle they call high school.

How weird, indeed, if the star soccer player/ best dressed/ voted most chill/ well known womanizer in all of East Bay high school were to end up a fag? It’s unthinkable. Not even to mention what my parents would do to me, hell my dad leads Wednesday bible study. So like any other homo I adapted, I played the cards, and fortunately I’m an excellent gambler.

“I was thinkin’ we should invite him to our group, he looks pretty chill plus he’s from Notre Dame, and he could be the key to getting’ those stuck up private school girls to open up a bit.” Sean gave me the most half-assed wink and began smiling wide.

“Woooow, Sean that was the gayest freaking wink I’ve ever seen in my life.” I responded rolling my eyes. I thought about it for a moment, if I invited him to hang out with us that may be just a little too close for comfort. To be perfectly honest I’ve never been so attracted to anyone like this. Yeah sure I had crushes and I certainly knew what I thought was hot, but this guy… He was different, he was new and he was amazingly hot. My dick began to jump as I began thinking harder and harder about the notion. Already, however unwillingly, I began formulating scenarios in the back of my mind. I imagined becoming friends, and then even closer friends, best friends maybe, we’d end up hanging a lot, and then going to each other’s houses, in each other’s rooms as we became more touchy feely like all best friends do and then when the moment is right we’d…

“So!? Yes or no?”

“Huh? What?”

“Dude, pay attention God it’s like talking to a fucking two year old.”

“Yeah, sure that seems cool, but watch him be a faggot and then you’re gonna be the one getting butt fucked by him.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Sean rolled his eyes and giggled a bit. We went back to our respective thoughts and we became silent again concentrating on the half-hearted baseball game put on by our P.E. class. God I hated P.E. whenever we weren’t playing soccer. Every other sport wasn’t even worth playing. However today was different of course because of the boy that waited ready at the second base. ‘I wish the P.E. shorts were shorter’ I thought silently as I scrutinized him up and down.

He bit his lip as he watched the batter at the plate get closer and closer to actually hitting the ball. My dick lurched at this, God I loved it when boys bite down and lick on their juicy lips.

Finally the batter hit the ball and he was off, he was a decent runner. Third base, home plate and we scored, only a few more points and we’d have the game in the bag.

He came into the pit breathing heavy. Seat pooling on his forehead mixing with his golden hair.

“You know it’s just P.E. you don’t have to try so hard..” Sean joked as he began pacing back and forth catching his breathe. I waited in anticipation, but still trying to ignore the heat I could feel resonating off his body. I wondered what his voice was like, deep and seductive or higher and smooth.

“Hah. Nah, I just wanted to make a good impression, your teachers a hard ass.” It was the former… ‘Thank the Lord on high I’ve found my match.’

Sean laughed at his joke. I wasn’t entirely sure why he was being overly friendly, it wasn’t even a joke more like a fact Mr. Wilson was an asshole.

All of the sudden my breath caught as my vision became suddenly clouded by a seemingly huge cock hanging freely inside thin and loose black basketball shorts. What was he trying to do? Make me faint?

“Hey I’m Taylor I don’t think we’ve met yet.” Taylor held his hand out to me that was firmly attached to his muscular forearm and leading into his perfectly sculpted chest that was hidden oh so subtly by his P.E. shirt.

I looked up and took his hand hesitantly. “Hey I’m Tristan. What’s up?"

“Nothin’ much, nothin’ much. Hey how come you aren’t out there?’ He asked, trying to make conversation no doubt or maybe he was angry at the fact that I got special treatment.

“Soccer tourny in like a month, coach doesn’t want me messing things up, so I’m special.” I gave a half-hearted laugh to cover up my quivering voice. I tried hard not to stare at his face but unfortunately I couldn’t look forward considering his package dangled but a foot and a half away from my head.

“That don’t seem fair, but whatever." he grinned a bit and then plopped down next to me on the rickety old pit bench. I scooted out of the way needing distance from his body that still resonated with steaming heat. A mixture of musky sweat and body temperature. My right leg began to bob up and down unwillingly and it aggravated my hard-on that I’d been trying to hide.

‘Just wait ‘till you have to stand up.’ I thought to myself as I began using my elbow and knuckles to inconspicuously punch down my cock and put it into flaccid submission again.

“Soooo, what’s good in this school?" Taylor asked suddenly. I scanned the field in front of me thinking of a way to answer the question. Really there wasn’t much good in the school, test scores were getting lower and lower, funds were running to an all time low and the state budget crisis all but bankrupted the school district. However I doubted these were the problems he’d be interested in hearing about. Most kids weren’t as politically aware as I was.

“Nothin’ much, the girls can be bitches sometimes and the teachers suck ass and don’t give a damn. Same old, same old."

“Hah. For real, but I actually meant like clubs and sports and shit, any good ones? What clubs are you in?”

“Ummmmm….” I was actually the head of several clubs, I needed the extracurriculars for college because I sure as hell did not intend on staying in this one horse town. However I didn’t want to seem like a nerd in front of him, I already questioned as to whether I was his type… Not saying that he had one, I mean he wasn’t gay or anything, right? Despite my panic, it was all for not when Sean butted into the conversation.

“Nah man, Tristan right here is a big ass nerd. He’s like president of the French Club, Travelers club, Soccer club, Asian/ Pacific cultures club.” Sean began smirking and all I could think of was how much I wanted to wipe his face clean, I began to glare at him. He shrugged and put his still grinning face back on the field.

“Asian /Pacific Cultures club huh? Are you even Asian or Pacific Islander?” Taylor asked skeptically.

“Half Chamorro, but I don’t look it.” I said unfazed. I ‘d become accustomed to people questioning my race. The only give away to my pacific islander side were my eyes which were slightly slanted and my ability to tan more easily and evenly than most American folk. Other than that most assumed I was just an average American fondue pot of mixed races.

“Dang, never heard of that.”

“Don’t expect you to know.” I quickly responded. A little more sharply than I should have though, I noticed that I’d been giving off bad vibes due to Taylor’s change in body language, I was making him uncomfortable. Maybe that was a good thing I said to myself. After all he could blow my perfectly crafted cover. He was literally causing the gears in my head to lock up.

“Oh, well, where do… your people come from?"

“Marianas Islands.” Again with the short, sharp tongue.

“Where’s that at?”

“In the ocean. Near the Philippines.”

"Did you ever live there?"

“’Till I was thirteen.”

“What’s it like?”

“It’s like great.”

“Oh I see... Dude do you not like me or something?”

I was immediately floored by his blunt accusation. At least he was honest and straightforward.

‘Quick Tristan pick up the ball.’ I shouted to myself.

“Nah, I just get asked these questions a lot, I kind of get tired of it. It’s not you or anything.”

‘Nice save’

“Oh, okay.” he said and then the conversation died right there and I was the one who drove the knife. Part of me was thankful, the other part of me wished that I could hear his smooth voice again, have it roll over my skin.

Not too long after my awkward conversation with Taylor the baseball game died out and the teacher called everyone into the locker rooms to change out of the P.E. uniforms. Knowing my luck I was a little afraid that Taylor had a locker near mine.

I walked into the dreary cement locker room and was immediately aggravated by the loud echoing of young teenagers at play, screwing around and laughing obnoxiously. God I swear some people were just loud mouthed attention whores.

Passing by the rows of lockers I looked on for Taylor. ‘Please God have mercy and don’t let him be in the same row as me.’ I prayed.

I finally reached the ninth row of lockers and cursed under my breathe when I found Taylor already peeling his sweat stained shirt off of himself.

‘God-fucking-damnit’ I cursed as I hesitated to proceed. I stood there staring into the row and didn’t bother to realize how awkward and weird I must have looked.

“What’s up Tristan? Checking me out again?"

“Shut up Derrick, why would I want your ugly ass? You pizza faced cunt licker.” I said rather defensively. He only laughed and then shrugged me off.

I proceeded down the narrow corridor dodging flailing arms as guys dressed carelessly. I pushed past everyone and finally got to my locker right next to Sean’s who’d already begun engaging Taylor in conversation.

“So anyways we were thinking that you should come hang with us at lunch next period, you know get to know some of the other guys on the swim team.”

‘He’s on the swim team?’ I raised a brow to this as the thought of him coming out of a pool wet and exposed rushed to the frontiers of my mental plain.

“Sure if you think I’m cool enough." Taylor said shyly. I pulled up next to Sean and opened my locker slowly paying close attention to what they were talking about

“Nah, nah man, it ain’t like that here, we’re all friends and what not, the only people who are outcasts are the assholes and people who don’t try and shit. We may not look it but next to your private school East Bay is like one of the best high schools out there. Hella people go to good colleges from our school. So we don‘t care for people who don‘t give a shit you know what I mean?”

“Oh that’s cool, well yeah lunch sounds good then, so long as Tristan’s alright with it, he doesn’t seem to like me much.” My head sprung up at the mention of my name. I must have seemed like such an ass today and I kind of felt bad.

Sean eyed me questioningly but I only stared back emotionless. “What you mean this guy? Tristan likes everyone he’s like one of the chillest guys here, he wouldn’t mind. Would you Trist?”

I shook my head in response. I was too busy pretending to rummage through my locker. I didn’t like where this was all going, I didn’t think I was prepared to be near him considering how much he’d struck me. And taking into mind the fact that I’d just met him not too long ago and couldn’t handle it then made me conclude that the entirety of lunch period spent with him was going to drive me bananas. Despite all this forethought I still choked out words I probably was gonna have to eat.

“Nah, you can eat with us, I like you.” I chopped my mouth shut as quickly as the words registered ‘Shit’ was all I could think as I began to panic, I hoped that they wouldn’t misinterpret it.

“Ooooooh, ya’ hear that Taylor, you see he likes you.” Sean teased as he nudged me in the arm. Taylor laughed a bit but then went back to his awkward disposition he’d carried ever since I shut him out back in the pit.

I however began shaking in my sneakers. I was acting too suspicious and it was all his fault. What was one to think when someone was being an ass to you at one moment and then the next he says that he likes you?
My mask was crumbling and I needed to find superglue to fix it but there was no saving myself at that moment considering Taylor was in his undies, his dick staring me down.

“Thanks… I- I like you too, I guess.” his voice was shaky as was my breathing and for that moment a spark of hope sprung from some remote part of my body. ‘Is he gay?’ I couldn’t tell, he didn’t really act like it but his response said everything and nothing at all. He didn’t play it off and he wasn’t disgusted by it. I was so confused and my mind kept thinking at a thousand thoughts a second.

“Anyway we’ll see ya there…” Sean interrupted feeling the thick awkward tension between us. He raised his brows higher and then half smiled before putting on his coat and then departing.

I plopped myself down on one of the benches in between the aisle of lockers as Taylor continued to take his time dressing. Undershirt, pants, socks, watch, shoes. When he finally began buttoning up his collared dress shirt he sat down right next to me.

“Are you okay?” he asked meekly.

I rubbed my eyes and sighed in response. Was I okay? I didn’t need this added stress of a new boy tormenting me. I’d been through it all before but this was more difficult to swallow than any other. I had school, home life, sports, SAT’s, extracurricular, and now I had my sexuality pounding on my door again begging for a bone.

“Yeah I’m just real stressed right now.”

“Oh I see. Well… Look.” Taylor patted my shoulder and I looked over at him. My natural inclination would have been to us my ‘no homo’ response, but I was so worn out by the ride this boy was taking me on that I could have cared less. He had a puppy dog expression of concern on his face, very genuine and it melted my heart a bit, another thing to add to the list of things he did that me weak I supposed. “I know what it’s like man.” he pleaded.

“I feel like we have shit in common, and you look like a real mess, no offense, but if it’s serious come see me. Okay?” I nodded and shrugged. He patted my shoulder again and was off.

By that time everyone had cleared out except me. I sat there pondering for a while and as I thought more and more about having to go through this again. This hopeless love feeling. I began to tear up a bit. I grabbed my head in my hands and did was I’d always done whenever I felt so shitty.

“I don’t wanna be gay, please God, please help me. I don’t wanna be gay, please, please have mercy on me Lord. It’s not my fault, I promise to be good, please just help me.” I whispered all this as I felt my face flush red and my eyes filled up with tears. They flowed so much that by the time I pulled myself together they’d already pooled on my gym shorts making it seem like I’d wet myself. I wiped my face with my shirt and then began the process of changing into street clothes, I dragged out the process, I really didn’t want to eat with Taylor. I hoped I wouldn’t see him for a while. Forever maybe. However an increasingly stronger side of me wished he’d never leave my side. I was ‘sprung’ over this guy that I’d just met. I was so enamored that I actually felt that it might be worth coming out over. What the hell was wrong with me? I was moving way too fast, subconsciously my mind was already devising, planning ways o make it all work, but I knew, I knew all too well that it never could. Thus this was my struggle and I felt like I was losing.

Slowly a smile grew on my face as I stood up and pulled my bag from my locker. I began to giggle at the ridiculous situation I’d put myself in. “Good God!” I said aloud as I punched a locker denting it only slightly. And with hat I left eh lockers, I didn’t think I wanted to stay there, not in the school where Taylor could find me. No, not at all, I didn’t know if I could stop myself at that point. My body was deprived and fed up, it wouldn’t take much more of this.

******************************************************************************************

Unfortunately for me I wasn’t able to keep away from him for the remainder of the day. God really had it in for me. I saw him there, wish fulfilled as he pulled himself out of the pool dripping wet, his full splendor covered up by nothing more than skimpy Speedos and a head cap.

The pools were adjacent to the soccer fields and there existed no dividers save for the thin metal fence that hid little to nothing. Taylor caught me staring and flicked his chin at me in hello. I looked away quickly turning red as I did it.

‘Shit Tristan you may as well toss him a love note while you’re at it.’

The skies began to turn their sunset orange color as the sun receded into the night. Coach Wilson -- my P.E. teacher by day-- blew the whistle and called us to huddle for another pep talk before the big tournament next month.

“Okay team, so the big tournament’s next month lets stay healthy, safe and lets get our minds in gear. Tristan, you especially I don’t know what part of lala land your head was in but I barely saw you with the ball. Don’t make me change you position.” He stared at me for a second and I shrugged in response. I was in no mood for his shit and he knew it. Thankfully he didn’t pursue me. “Okay team hands in.” he continued as we did our team chant and then practice ended. People began moving toward the parking lots at the front of the school to wait for their rides. I on the other hand lived right behind the school in one of the cal-du-sacs. I decided that I didn’t want to head home immediately and grabbed my bag and headed toward the school.

I went toward the back entrance of the locker rooms which were left open for the sports teams to use but most teens were too shy to actually use the showering facilities. I didn’t mind, I would be using them during the day if passing period was more than five minutes. Aside from that I was hot, not tooting my horn or anything, but being perfectly honest I did fit the description. Six feet in height, muscular without being too brawny, thin, smooth golden tanned skin, a nice ass, six pack abs, the works really. The only possible problem I would have had being naked in front of other guys would have been controlling my dick, but luckily for me I really wasn’t into most of the guys at my school. Well except for Taylor.

I walked into the lockers and found my daytime P.E. locker. I set my bag in and pulled out my towel nod undressed. I walked into the showers which were blocked by a tiled wall that extended half way up to the ceiling. I flipped the switch inside and the rarely used gym showers immediately became illuminated.

I found the farthest shower head in the room and set my towel on the rack next to it. I pulled the knob out immediately blasting myself with freezing cold water.

“Shit!” I cursed aloud.

I quickly began twisting it to the right and the water began to even out and turn warm, steam began filling the room. I sighed in relief and began enjoying the hot shower as it blanketed my skin. It felt good, a necessary relief of stress.

I began thinking as I always did in the shower and went over the things most urgent at the time. SAT’s would be coming up, I had to study for them. My parents would be leaving to tend to their overseas business like they always did. The soccer tournament was soon.

Like any average teenager left to their thoughts my mind immediately started to drift into more inappropriate thoughts as my hands lowly caressed their way to my dick. It didn’t take much for me to get off, just a face or an image and I was on my way. I ran through the usual fantasies. Heath Ledger, Christian Bale, Ashton Kutcher, Taylor Lautner, Taylor…

I squeezed it out finally and gasped in release, I fell against the tiled wall of the shower as my cum began mixing with the water that still flowed over my body, I pounded my fist against the wall cursing myself.

‘God damnit you fucking fag! You fucking loser! Control yourself! This is wrong! You’re a sinner, you’re evil!’ I began to torment. The battle within my own fucked up mind had been going for ages and as the reality of it all began to carve away at me I found that I was crying like a hopeless baby a lot more.

This moment was no different as my breathing began to catch and tears flooded my eyes as I stayed leaning in the back corner of the showers.

I heard the swing of the locker doors and I knew that someone was there but I didn’t give a damn. I knew my body was fed up and my mind was going insane. ‘Let them see me’ I thought to myself as I continued to sob and moan, curse and wale at my sinful disposition.

“Tristan?” I didn’t answer I kept on crying like the little bitch that I was . I didn’t care anymore, I just didn’t care.

“Are you okay?” I whimpered in response still sobbing and heaving big breathes. I tried to ignore the unknown person prying for my attention. I could barely make out his voice over the rushing water hitting hard tile and therefore could not determine who it possibly could have been.

“Go away!” I shouted over my sobs. I felt a hand come up on my shoulder and I flinched. “Get the fuck away from me!” I said as I turned ready to assault the bastard who would have dared to touch me at such a vulnerable state. I stopped myself though, I couldn’t hurt this person because it was Taylor . The boy I’d just met but was driving me over the edge.

We stared at each other for a moment his eyes surprised, concerned and curious all at once. The tears continued to flow but my defenses did not come to my aid as we just remained there naked in the shower together saying nothing but conversing at a million words a second.

“Tristan, sorry, I came in to shower and…. I didn’t know you were in here… Are you okay?” the words dribbled out of his mouth, he couldn’t finish a sentence but on the other hand I couldn’t bring myself to breath. I was too distracted by his beauty, his eyes, his hair, the steam that began collecting on his smooth shoulders. His lips were candied red and lush and full, I wondered in the back of my brain what they would taste like and as I pondered this my mind began to interject.

‘If you wanna know what they taste like, then go and taste them.’ And before I could stop myself I leaned forward and two seconds before our lips touched I knew that I’d lost control. I pushed my lips hard against his and I shut my eyes. I expected him to pull away, punch me and then call me names but he didn’t. I opened my eyes for a second and saw that his eyes were closed too. Instead of pulling away he began pushing, pushing me against the wall and I shivered as the cool tiles made contact with my skin. He placed his hands strategically on the wall behind me as he began to tower over me taking the seat of control.

Instead this time I was the one surprised, shocked and ashamed. I pulled away and he came closer.

“Wait…don’t stop.” he whispered. I obliged. He closed the gap between us and then began to caress my sides, comb my hair, grab, pinch, he couldn’t stop himself either it seemed. I opened my mouth for air but as soon as I did he took it for something else and plunged his tongue inside me and began to play with my own tongue. He let go of my lips and let me breath as he proceeded to kiss my cheeks and suck at my neck. I kept my eyes closed, It was a dream and I thought that if I’d just keep my eyes closed then it would never end and it didn’t.

He kept going, we kept going as we began to moan in unison grinding against each other. His dick was hot and hard against mine and it stabbed between my legs every time he grinded against me, our bones scraping and our skin rubbing.

He reached over and pulled on another shower knob, one to his left and another to his right and hot water began to pour out as he pulled me to the ground. He left me there for a moment admiring me and then walked to the far wall and flipped the switch. I was in so much ecstasy that I didn’t bother to question what the hell he was doing. It was dark and cold but the hot water kept me warm. The tap water washed over my face and stung my eyes a bit and for the life of me I couldn’t figure how I was breathing.

Taylor found his way back to me on the ground and settled himself over me kissing my neck again. He began to grind against me again this time more intensely, faster and faster until finally I felt him grunt and release his fluids on my leg. He quivered a bit and then began paying my lips attention again, he grabbed my dick and started to work me over. I had already cum not to long ago by myself so it was most likely gonna take longer for me.

“Wha-what are you doing?” I gasped finally, one ejaculation way too late. He chuckled and then put his mouth to my ear.

“You were the one staring at me weren’t you?” and with that he began to tug at my dick faster and harder. I moaned and then released myself into his hand. He clenched it shut trying to keep water out and brought his hand to my mouth making me lick my own cum and right after he plunged his tongue down my throat tossing my cum between my mouth and his and finally he swallowed.

He began to laugh and then rolled off of me and we laid there as the water continued to assault us. Still dazed I stayed silent, I didn’t know what to make of the situation.
‘So I guess this means he’s gay, or bi at least.’ I though to myself.

He turned on his side again hoisting his head up on his hand. I could make out his face by the light of the locker room that peeked over the incomplete wall dividing the showers. We stared at each other for a moment and he laughed again.

“Geez, you’re so quiet.”

“I-I-I…”

He pecked me on my lips and then stood up. He offered his hand out to me and I took it and he pulled me to my feet. I turned around not knowing what to do at that point and turned the knobs shutting off the water.

Suddenly the lights went back on and my eyes failed to readjust.

“Ow, damn that’s bright!” I said.

Taylor chuckled and then tossed me my towel which I hadn’t noticed him taking. I began to dry myself as Taylor, feeling more brave than I, grabbed me from behind kissing my shoulder and neck. I let it go, I didn’t really know what it all meant yet but I certainly wasn’t going to end it so soon. My body was having too much fun.

He escorted me back to our lockers and he immediately opened his up and started putting his street clothes on. I did the same trying to avert my eyes from him.

‘Why the hell was he so comfortable with all this?’

He finished before me and as he was putting on his pack he began to speak again, a huge grin on his face. “Well, that was fun.” he said as he came over and kissed me on the forehead like a fucking five year old.

I just kept staring, I just kept being silent and before I knew it he waved goodbye and left.

“What the fuck just happened.”