Missed Connections - 4. Chapter 4 - Why you shouldn't make out in public

Like I said before I loved school for two reasons: the first being the opportunity to escape home, the second was Taylor. Nothing was official, nothing was out in the open, but I could never have been so sure of something. I wanted him, he wanted me and now we had each other ever since he first received me nearly a month ago.

He had been the one to approach me, which saved me a lot of trouble and a lot of self pity. And that day when we spoke about the rain, about the time, our families, ourselves, we just talked and talked and talked and it seemed for just a moment that there were no humans, no beasts to interrupt our laughter and our speech.

Of course it did end, but the sigh of relief that had washed over me that first day settled on top of me, overwhelming me with joy and a sense of calm that I’d never experienced in my life before. However there still existed, with all this new found joy, a reality that was contrary to how I felt.

In gaining Taylor as a friend I had come to lose Sean and the break between us couldn’t have been more embarrassing, any more bitter than the acts that brought upon our falling out. We never spoke, we never acknowledged each other, we saw each other as ghosts that haunted the halls as we dared to carry on with our lives.

Of course because of this Sean doesn’t and will probably never know the real issue that picked at me when we’d taken our platonic relationship far beyond its boundaries. Truth be told I had a deep understand that the relationship would never have lasted, not with what I withheld from Sean. Like I said, there was no place in the world for Tristan.

However similarly I couldn’t understand why he himself was acting out of character. I knew him, he was a caring person, ever so kind and courteous. By this time it would have been he who would attempt to resolve the matter. Yet since that night he didn’t approach me, he didn’t even seem angry, he just was, he existed in a world that he himself proclaimed could not exist without me.

It hurt to say the least. Was I so easily forgotten? Was I really that unworthy, that repulsive? Granted my reaction was both unnecessary and easily misconstrued, I couldn’t help but feel that he had given up on me.

‘Don’t give up.’ I silently begged but no resolution was in sight; I guess this was the end of the Sean, Tristan story. At the very least I had finally come to understand love. The kind of love that didn’t need a physical element which is what Taylor and I possessed.

He laughed at my jokes and I his, we hung out, we talked crap, we played sports, we went around town and not once was there pressure. I wasn’t ready and seeing how physicality played over with Sean I was not prepared to take the risk again. Luckily for me there was no opportunity for me to refuse because he never brought it up.

We went on dates though and that was the extent of our romance. Which I was content with. However there were hints, miniscule little emphasis. It would be his birthday and he was turning 16 and of course who else would he spend it with? What we would be doing though was an entirely different animal to deal with. I wasn’t stupid and I knew what a birthday suit was. ‘Mama didn’t raise no fool.’ I thought as I prepared to balance Taylor and my personal morals all at once.

“Hey, you’re coming tomorrow right?” he asked suddenly. It was weird to look up from my work during study hall and see Taylor instead of Sean, who at the moment was probably trying to ignore me from across the room.

“Of course, wouldn’t miss it. But…”

“But what?” I glanced at him nervously, ready for him to become upset at the news. He knew of my parents and how strict they were and I hadn’t told them yet about my plans to spend all of Saturday with him.

“I haven’t really asked my parents yet.” I finally managed.

“Damn, Trist.” he said suddenly frustrated. “I thought you told them hella days ago, what happened man?”

“Well I’ve been hella busy lately, get off my ass…” He leaned back into his chair and crossed his arms, his hair messily dancing on his forehead as his countenance displayed in full glory his distaste for me at the time. “Why are you mad now?”

“I’m not mad… I’m just hella annoyed. I’ve been looking forward to this for hella days and I don’t really wanna cancel.”

“It’s not like we’re doing anything special.” I laughed. He tried to suppress a smirk that was steadily growing across his still supposedly mad face. He decided the best way to do this was to look back to his work.

“So it would seem.” he said devilishly. This got me nervous, what was he talking about?
“Anyways, for real make sure you’re allowed to go otherwise I’m gonna have to figure a way to sneak you out. ‘Cuz I sure as hell aint lettin’ it all go to waste.”

“Dude, now you’re just makin’ me nervous. What the hell are you talking about?” I was puzzled and I felt the uncertainty build up in inside me. I still maintained that I wasn’t ready to go any further, was I totally wrong about him? I hoped not.

“You’ll see.” he grinned as he slowly picked himself up from the table, grabbing his stuff and suavely waving goodbye. I waved him goodbye, and as the wave of doubt pulled in, bashing against my stomach I felt apprehension rise up and out of my throat in an exasperated sigh.

I sat there for the remainder of study hall, a whole five minutes, running throug every possible scenario and what I’d do to refurse his advances. However no matter how much I planned I couldn’t shake the feeling.

‘Fuck my life.’ I cursed.

**********************************************************

That Friday night I couldn’t stop thinking about Taylor. I think I was trying to get myself used to the idea. I wasn’t entirely sure what he had planned but then again he’s a guy just like me, or any other guy, was it really that hard to guess? I quietly prayed that it wasn’t the truth. Sean hurt me, he took something from me that normally no guy would even think twice about giving up. However the way I act in public and how I truly feel are two different things. I was traumatized and therefore I didn’t want to fuck anyone or anything for a while which is why Taylor had me quivering and shaking as the date approached.

“What do you think it is Trin?” I asked in the darkness.

It took her a while to respond but finally she cleared her throat ready to give me a piece of her oh so clever advice. “Sex, yeah it’s definitely sex…’

“Thanks that makes me feel better.”

“Well… he’s a guy! What else did you expect. The important thing here Tristan is how you feel and obviously you aren’t ready, so just let him know that.”

“What… if he gets mad?”

“Well then obviously you just have really bad taste in men…Tristan it will be alright, besides think of it this way, it’s better for you to find out what his true motives are now rather than later when you’ve already wasted so much time and effort in the relationship.”

“That…. Actually makes a ton of sense. How the hell am I the older one in the family?” I joked. I heard her laughter rise out from the pitch blackness.

“You can’t control who pops out first. Besides you’re just hopeless so it wouldn’t matter if you’re younger or older. You is just one looooooost cause. For real.”

“Shut up…….. By the way….. I miss you Trin….”

“I know… but what can you do?”

I slowly began to drift to sleep thinking about what would be the right thing to do if in the case that he does want something more from me. ‘I really hope, he just wants to show me his card collection.’ I thought sarcastically as sleep finally took me away from my distressed thought.

******************************************************

The following morning there were a few things that I had to do. I had already asked permission from my parents who reluctantly agreed however with conditions. I had to clean the house up and down, clean out the garage, fix up the backyard and finally mow the yard. Simple enough I thought so I immediately called Taylor to make sure to pick me up at six o’clock that night.

I started out and foolishly hadn’t realized exactly how bad the house had been let go. The bathrooms with the exception of the guest bath, which no one was allowed to use except for guests, were in terribly messy but thankfully not filthy otherwise I’d have had to return my breakfast. The living room hadn’t been dusted in ages and the kitchen had stains stuck on them from at least three weeks ago. However I kept on going only thinking about the end result.

By the time I got around to mowing the yard I only had about thirty minutes to do so. The sun was setting but oddly enough it still felt stuffy and warm outside. I took off my shirt and began making sure that the yard was mowed according to my father’s standards. I trimmed the edges, I picked the weeds, I trimmed the bushes and just as I was about to finish I heard the small squeal of breaks pulling up into the driveway.

“Hey.” I greeted struggling with a stubborn branch of a bush.

“Damn, you look hella fine right now.” he joked. My eyes grew wide as I turned to him.

“Are you crazy? Don’t say shit like that.”

“Chillax, there’s no one here.” I looked over his shoulder expecting to see either his mom or his dad but it was just him.

“Damn, you got your license?!”

“Yup, yup, check it out. My parents let me have the BMW.”

“To keep!?” I asked stunned.

“Nah, nah, just for my birthday, they bought me this crappy Passat off of craigslist, but that’s at home, I didn’t wanna be rollin’ around tonight in a rust bucket. “ He seemed really satisfied with himself, and I was happy, truly, but how lucky I thought he was. It made me kind of jealous. However then again, I knew that a whole new world of fun possibilities just opened up.

“Anyways, why the hell aren’t you ready. We gotta go bro. Unless you’re going like that…” he slowly brought each other closer running his palm over my abs, which tickled. “I really wouldn’t mind.” he smiled.

I growled a bit. He knew I didn’t like public displays of affection, however it was his birthday so I tried to cool it. I began to walk back into the house. “Just give me a sec.” I said over my shoulder. He only shook his head and slowly followed behind me.

“Mom, Dad! I’m gonna get ready to go.” I shouted as I swung the door open. My mother walked from out of the kitchen.

“Okay, Tristan just be careful.” she said standing from across the room. She stared blankly for a moment and then I suddenly realized what she wanted from me.

“Oh yeah… Mom this is Taylor. Taylor this is my mom.”

“Nice to meet you Mrs. Dresdow.” he waved shyly.

“Nice to meet you. Please, come sit down, would you like a drink? Anything to eat?” In my culture there were customs to abide by, the first being that guests are to be tended to hand and foot whenever they visited. She was always able to trick my friends into thinking that she was a kind person but trust me, she was just following the rules.

“No, no thank you.” Taylor declined as he tried to follow me upstairs, but I gently pushed him back knowing right then that my mother’s eyes were probably falling out of her sockets.

“Uuuuummm, it’ll just be a sec, you have to stay down here.” I said apologetically as I quickly ran upstairs. I grabbed a towel and jumped into the shower. I showered in cold water not bothering to wait for it to warm up and, as quickly as I could, I put on a decent outfit and packed clothes to sleepover.

I was done in about five minutes which I thought was an accomplishment. I quickly grabbed Taylor and left, not wanting to have to say goodbye to my parents. They always had a reason to hinder me which I didn’t want tonight.

“Dude, what was that all about?” Taylor asked finally as we both got into the car.

“Ummm, we do things a little bit differently. It’s just culture really.”

“God, I thought you’re mom was gonna have a meltdown. Scared the crap out of me.”

“Well… technically no one is allowed upstairs but of course you‘ve already been up there. And I was being rude by not immediately introducing you, and… just a whole list of things that I was supposed to do but I didn’t.” I tried to explain. However trying to teach him all of Chamorro etiquette would take days and I wasn’t about to do so.

“Hmmmm.” he mumbled curiously. He started up the car and slowly pulled out of the driveway and proceeded out onto the streets.

I kind of wished his mom or dad was in the car at the time though. He was a CRAZY DRIVER. I held on for dear life as he twisted and turned at sharp angles and slowly the ‘oh shit!’ handle that I held onto began digging into my skin which was painful.

“Oh My God, Oh My God, Oh My God, Oh My God, I’M GONNA DIE!” I kept panicking but he would just laugh and pat me on the thigh. And when we finally pulled up to his house I jumped out of the car and thanked the heavens on high that I was still alive. He couldn’t help but laugh at me and I was literally close to decking him for making me almost pee myself.

“Dude, Tristan grow a pair would ya’.” he chuckled as he grabbed my arm pulling me toward his house. I looked on in awe at his house as it towered in front of me. It was huge, really nice and made my expensive look like a cheap apartment.

“Y-you live here?”

“Yeah… Surprised? Hello I went to Notre Dame, everyone and their mother have houses this big. Which is probably why everyone at that school was so damn snobby. Besides, you’re house aint no hovel if you ask me.”

“Uhhh, yeah but it aint a mansion like this either.” I retorted.

“Hah. Just get in here fool. Geez, how long are you gonna stare at my windows?”

“Shut up.” I said as he continued to drag me toward his door. I could feel him get a little bit more excited as we approached. And as he swung the door open I felt a sudden drop in my stomach. There was no one home, everything was dark and this got me a little worried.

“Soooo, what are we gonna do?” I asked hesitantly as I set my things down next to the door.

“It’s a surprise.” he said simply. He didn’t turn the lights on, he just waited for me to finish putting my stuff down and then grabbed my arm again pulling me pass what I thought was the kitchen and into the backyard.

The house looked over, from a deck, a rather extravagant yard that was lit up by only a wooden gazebo that had been strung with dim glowing Christmas lights. He let go of my arm this time and grabbed my hand as he led us down the steps into the yard below.

My palms were tingly and I felt as though they were covered in sweat. He was making me so nervous, I didn’t know what to expect. When we finally got to the gazebo I gave a sigh of relief as it was only filled with a table with two settings and a warming tray.

“Dinner?” I asked curiously, rolling my eyes and laughing a little. “You are so corny.”

“Hey! Don’t make fun of me bitch… it’s my birthday.” he smiled. I rolled my eyes again and took a seat as he opened the warming tray revealing a decent set up of a one course meal consisting of chicken fillets, vegetables and oddly enough rice which made me even more relieved.

“Yeah, I figured you’d have wanted rice. You Asians can’t go a day without it huh?”

“Nope!” I responded excitedly.

He served me a plate and then made himself one and then took a seat. “Okay, dig in.” he said finally.

“Wait… you…. Didn’t make this right?”

“Of course not, I don’t want to kill you!” I laughed and then dived right in. The food was good, but the meal was so short lived that I immediately became nervous again. I knew this wasn’t gonna be the end of the night. In addition he had asked me to sleep over and for some odd reason my parents actually agreed to that as well. I was in for a long night apparently.

He finished his food before me and the entire time he would just talk and talk not removing his eyes from me. They seemed far more interested in me than they normally did and I could only take wild guesses as to what his mind must have been thinking as he slowly examined my every move.

After we’d both finished he brought me over to a built in bench in the gazebo which was decorated with pillows. He kept on talking and it would have appeared that it was just us hanging out.

“By the way…” I interrupted. He paused his story about his wild adventure in San Francisco for a moment to listen to me. “Why didn’t you want a gift from me, I feel kind of bad, you basically took care of me all night.”

“Well… to be honest I didn’t want a gift cuz I didn’t want you to have an excuse….” I raised my brow at this confused.

“Huh?”

“This is gonna sound hella corny but… There’s a reason why I asked you not to get me a gift and it’s this;” He scooted in closer staring deeply into my eyes, our faces uncomfortably close to each other. “Tristan, what I want for my birthday is for you to be my boyfriend.”

“Uhhhhh….” I replied shakily. My heart began to race at this. He was fucking serious.

“Dude, I’m hella sick of all this ‘just friends’ shit. I can’t wait anymore. I hate not knowing where we stand, and I hate the feeling that one day you could just up and leave me. I know you’re hella meticulous about this shit, but please, I really want to be with you and it drives me crazy the fact that you’re not officially mine. And…” he broke out of his longwinded speech and looked away for a moment trying to suppress his heavy breathing and shaky voice. “And, I’m so alone, I feel alone every time you’re not with me and I hate feeling jealous thinking that you could be with someone else and I hate feeling that you could decide one day that you don’t like me anymore and…”

“Taylor…” I finally managed as I was caught up in what he was saying. He struck a chord, everything he felt, I felt equally as much but I just never had the guts to voice them and now here he was reading my every thought and saying them out loud for the wind to carry. “Okay…”

“Huh?” he blurted looking up at me again.

“I said, okay…”

“Okay what?”

“Okay I’ll be your boyfriend.”

“No way?” he said suddenly excited. That beautiful smile of his reappeared and everything no longer seemed so challenging. He leaned back against the railing clasping his hands behind his head and taking a deep breathe. “Phew! Finally! God, you’ve no clue how long I’ve been planning that speech.”

I suddenly felt disappointed. ’That’s it!?’ I mentally scoffed. All I could think was how pathetic it kind of all felt now that he had no further advances. At least give me a challenge, at least give me a reason to employ all the defenses I’d been coming up with for this night.

“That’s it?” I suddenly blurted.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, that’s it, that’s all, that’s all you had planned?”

“Uhhhh… yeah? Why what were you expecting?” he pulled himself back up and sat up straight looking at me confused and I was too busy getting a bit frustrated at how clueless he was acting.

“Well… to be honest I was kind of expecting you to you know…. Try to get at me…”

“Oh… OHHHHHHH!” he suddenly broke out laughing but I was fucking serious. It was all so anticlimactic, and just like the night I’d lost my virginity, there didn’t seem to be anything special about my first official relationship.

Finally after he was done laughing like a Hyena he suddenly straightened himself out again and moved in for the kill.

‘Finally!’ my mind celebrated. I guess I was up worrying all night for nothing, because it seemed like I wasn’t even going to put up a fight.

Seconds before our lips touched he stopped and breathed in a deep voice. “I’m just kidding, of course not.” he said as he grabbed my hand and suddenly jerked me up off the bench and back toward the house.

When we reentered the house he took me straight upstairs to his room and shut the door and locked it. His room was a decent size and far more luxurious than my own with a bed so huge you could probably fit a good number of people on it… Not that that was going to be happening with me around.

He plopped me on the bed and then took up at the center of the bed sitting indian style and ushering me to sit up toward the head board.

“Okay… so since you didn’t get me a present is it fair to say that you owe me?”

I thought immediately that he was using this as a ploy and I immediately wanted to refuse but for some odd reason I felt curious.

‘let’s see what he’ll do.’ I mused.

“Okay, sure whatever…” I replied finally and he smiled. He removed himself from the bed for a moment and quickly went over to his dresser drawer pulling out a bandana. He climbed back onto the bed and then reached forward wrapping it around my eyes and tying it, completely blocking everything from view.

“Taylor… I don’t think this is a good idea…” I immediately blurted. He shushed me and then continued not even acknowledging my hesitance.

“Please, just play along for a bit, I promise I wont do anything crazy just…” he let out a long quivering breathe and grabbed my shoulders. I felt his palms, and the faint heavy beating of his blood as he shook. He was nervous. “Just tell me when you don’t like it and I’ll stop.”
“O-okay… I guess.”

For a long moment all I could feel was the cold wind as the air conditioning blew gusts of cool air. For some reason the bandana heightened everything else. I heard better, I felt better, I could sense Taylor across from me examining me. His breathe was heavy and I could feel through the air his bodily shakes and stirs. He got up from the bed and walked over to the far wall and I heard the click of the light switch and he quickly hopped back onto the bed scooting in toward me so that our knees were touching.

“I’m going to try something…’’ he said finally and I just nodded. He made his move, I felt his hot breath on my lips and slowly they merged onto each other. It sent jolts down my spine, it’d been so long since our last kiss that I found it extremely refreshing. I myself tried to go deeper into the kiss but he pulled away and again all I could feel was the breeze.

“Okay how was that?”

“That was… good?”

“Okay now… I’m gonna try something else.” Once again I nodded. This time I felt him move in toward my throat. He kissed up and down my vein before putting the tip of his tongue out and slowly tracing it up to the chin.

“How did that feel?”

“Good…”I breathed.

“Are you nervous?”

“… yeah….” Just then I felt his subtle shuffling as he lifted his shirt over his head. I imagined his naked chest across from me and honestly speaking it got me excited, however I tried to control myself.

“Give me you’re hand.” he softly demanded and I complied stretching it out in front of me. He grabbed it and settled my hand upon his chest where I felt his heart rapidly beating. One, two, three, four, five… I tried to keep up but it was beating too fast for me.

“Do you see what you do to me? Every time we’re together I ‘m always nervous and excited… It’s hard to explain. I love it. I love it when my body is like this. I feel like I’m on drugs or something. It’s freaking amazing.”

I laughed at this, was this his attempt at romantic rhetoric? Normally I would have thought this was all disappointingly lame. However he had me, he held me in his hands like silly puddy and I was very much prepared to throw caution to the wind.

‘Way to stick to your morals there Tristan.’ I mocked as Taylor continued on. I would have liked to be able to see him however it was probably due to the bandana that all this was so intense, so extreme. He let my hand drop and I retracted it. He began pulling on my shoulder guiding me to turn around. I did so and he began to massage me.

“Would you mind taking off your shirt?” he asked kindly. I hesitated. Two boys with their shirts off was never a good situation. He caught my worry and immediately tried to make me feel better.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, no pressure.” I shook my head and proceeded to pull my shirt over my head and immediately shivered at the cool air. He guided me to lay down on my back before sitting on top of me.

“Hah! Someone’s horny.”

“Shut up.” I gasped as his weight shifted painfully onto my crotch immediately putting me at full attention.

‘Don’t do it Tristan, Don’t do it Tristan, Don’t have sex tonight, you’ll regret it!’ my mind begged.

I felt him towering over me and then ever so slowly he brought himself down on me until he stopped, our chests only centimeters away from each other. He pecked me on the lips and then began to blow on my skin with his hot breathe tracing me. My neck, my shoulder, my collar, my chest, my nipples, my stomach.

It was all very systematic. After just breathing over me intensely he did the same with his kisses. He started from the top working his way down and I counted in my mind every lip smacking sound his mouth made against my bare skin. Then he would start again with something else, for instance his fingers, and even his nose as he smelled every inch of me. However the most unforgettable was his tongue.

I had to admit the guy was a master with his tongue as he licked my chin, bringing it down to my collar bone over my chest and onto both nipples that he licked and sucked which sent me into a fit of moaning that only enticed him further. He traced every single ab muscle and then finally when he came to my naval he danced around the rim for a long while before plunging his tongue hard and deep into it sending a stabbing pain into my groin that quickly evened out into a very pleasurable feeling.

After a long while of just playing with me, he laid down next to me wrapping his arms around me and digging his nose into my neck.

“God, I love that smell!” he admired taking a deep long whiff of me. “What kind of cologne do you use?”

“Sorry my secret. Can’t tell otherwise you’d be doing this with every other guy.” I joked.

“Nah, never…” he paused for a while and all I could feel or hear was our breathing which seemed to be one rhythmic pattern. A never ending track that repeated itself.

“Tristan… I think I love you.”

“I-I love you too.” I replied. He began to kiss my shoulder and neck, caressing me up and down running his hand over my abs and cupping his hand over my chest.

“Kiss me.” he demanded as he guided me with his hand so that our lips could touch. I opened up my mouth and let him in and our tongues played joyfully as we explored each other’s mouths trying to study and remember every little crevice.

Eventually we fell asleep together like that, he was holding me tight and I laid there nervous because I didn’t want him to let go, but relieved at the revelations I’d come to that night. I took off the bandana after a while, I wanted to admire him a little myself. He was so beautiful, beautiful hair, beautiful nose, lips, mouth, eyes, beautiful chest, stomach, legs, feet. It was all beautiful and it was officially mine. I was officially his. I finally found the warmth and love that I’d begged for. I always felt alone, and just when I felt that the world had nothing for me by some twist of fate I found Taylor.

‘Thank You God!’ I silently praised as I too drifted off to sleep.

**********************************************************

I hated the fact that the next morning I had to leave but there was nothing I could do. He brought me back to my house the next morning, but there was a silver lining; by the time I got home it was already too late to attend church with my parents so I had another few hours to myself. We finally pulled up to my house and I looked around quickly to see if anyone was looking before leaning over to him and grabbing his lips in a deep kiss.

“I’ll see you later.” he said in his deep cool voice.

“Cya.” I said back and then exited the car waving goodbye.

I stood there staring in his direction before finally turning around bringing my things toward the house.

“So that’s what this is all about!” I froze and my breathing caught. I dropped everything and stared shocked at Sean who sat on my front porch.

‘You. Are. So. Stupid.’ I condemned.

“Tristan… Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Oh shit, Sean.” I said as I felt my body slowly shutting down. Tears began to slowly manifest in the back of my eyes. And I could feel my body quiver and shake out of control.

“No, no, no, Tristan… It’s okay.” he said as he pulled himself up from his chair on the porch and approached me. He ran and grabbed me and I felt my knees give a little. I was so weak. I grabbed him hugging him tight.

“Sean what am I going to do? Please, don‘t… please my parents will kill me, I‘ll fucking lose everything… Oh my god, what have I done!” I cried.

“Stop it man! That’s enough…. That’s enough. Don’t hate yourself for it…”

“Sean, I‘m so sorry!”

“You better be!” he laughed. “You’re so stupid, you honestly thought that you’d get rid of me that easily.”

I pulled out of the hug for second and looked up at him, he was always smiling and I missed the smile. “Why the hell are you even here?” I said as I quickly tried to fix myself up. I must have looked pathetic.

“I came to apologize but you weren’t even here so I waited up. I guess … I just missed you that much…. Look Tristan, I understand now, and I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it and… I just want things to be the way they were. Start over.”

“O-okay…” I responded shyly. I was so embarrassed at my ability to go from zero to emotional mess in seconds flat. I must have seemed like the biggest loser right then but I was so happy and relieved that I tried not to care too much about how pathetic it all must have looked. It all happened so fast, and I was thinking at a thousand thoughts per second but just hearing him reassured me brought down the panic that had my heart racing only a few seconds ago. We stood there for a long moment too afraid and too unsure what to do next. I certainly didn’t know what to do, but thankfully Sean always had the answers.

“Now!” he suddenly yelled. “You are gonna tell me EVERYTHING. And I mean every gruesome detail. Well… actually I take that back, I don’t want to hear about you fucking cuz that’s just gross.”

“Shut up, God Sean you’re hella disgusting.”

“Whatever homo, let’s get to it, and by the way I’m hungry so whip me up something nice while you’re at it.”

“Hell no.” I laughed.

I brought him inside and he sat down listening attentively to the my stories of personal torment. He wanted to know everything, he wanted to know how I came to find out about myself, how I first felt about Taylor, why I was mad at him, why I felt the way I felt. He was a good listener, a good friend, but as I stared at his eyes I sensed a painful twinge that subtly manifested in his countenance, his body language, his speech. I was so happy to share my world with him, but he seemed sad.

‘Why did he seem at the edge of tears?’