Family Ties - Robby's Story - 4. Chapter 4

The next few weeks were a blur of school and work, with barely any time to think. Sarah, Sophia, and Tanner hadn’t called, and honestly, I didn’t mind the silence. The credit card sat untouched on top of the fridge, its presence a constant reminder of how close I’d come to losing Manny. I’d promised him—and myself—that I’d never let them come between us again.

Manny had left earlier in the day for a shift at the record store, and I stayed behind to finish a project. The apartment was quiet, save for the faint hum of the computer and the occasional rustle of papers. I was just wrapping up when a knock at the door startled me.

I froze, staring at the door for a moment. Manny wouldn’t knock, and we weren’t expecting anyone. Pushing back my chair, I walked to the door and opened it.

Tanner stood there, looking tense and uncertain. His usually composed demeanor was cracked, his hands shoved into his pockets.

“Tanner? What are you doing here?” I asked, my voice sharp.

“I need to talk to you, Robby. Please,” he said, his tone low and urgent.

“No,” I snapped, my chest tightening with anger. “Manny isn’t here, and I know what you’ve all been up to.” I turned and grabbed the credit card from the top of the fridge, thrusting it into his hand. “Here. Take this. I don’t want it, and I don’t want you to come back. Ever.”

“Robby—”

“No! You all tried to manipulate me! Sarah, Sophia, you—all of you. And I let it get to me. I told Manny, and he said you were just trying to reconnect. I even believed it for a while. But now? I see it for what it is.”

Tanner stepped back slightly, his face falling. “Robby, it’s not what you think—”

“Not what I think?” I cut him off, my voice rising. “You’re all working together to break me down, just like Dad told you to. You know what hurts the most? I trusted you, Tanner. I thought you were different. I thought you—”

“I am different!” Tanner interrupted, his voice breaking. “I didn’t want to do this, Robby. I hate this as much as you do.”

I stared at him, caught off guard by the raw emotion in his voice. “Then why? Why go along with it?”

Tanner looked away, his hands gripping the credit card so tightly I thought it might snap. “Because I don’t have a choice,” he said quietly. “You don’t know what it’s like, Robby. To live under his thumb. To spend every day pretending to be someone you’re not.”

His words hung in the air, heavy and filled with something I couldn’t quite place. For a moment, I saw the cracks in Tanner’s carefully constructed facade—the guilt, the fear, and something deeper, something he wasn’t ready to say out loud.

“You always had a choice, Tanner,” I said, my voice softer now. “You just didn’t take it.”

He flinched, his jaw tightening. “It’s not that simple.”

“Yes, it is,” I said firmly. “I chose Manny. I chose my future. And if you want to keep living like this—letting Dad control you—then that’s on you. But I won’t let you drag me down with you.”

Tanner’s shoulders slumped, and he nodded slightly. “You’re right,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’re right, Robby. I’m sorry.”

For a moment, we stood in silence, the tension between us thick and suffocating.

“Are you done?” Tanner asked, his voice tight.

“Yes,” I snapped, crossing my arms. “And why are you still standing here?”

“I need to tell you something, Robby. Please. Let me have my say,” Tanner said, his tone softer now. “I promise you, after you hear this, you’ll know everything. The truth. All of it.”

I hesitated, caught between the anger simmering in my chest and the flicker of vulnerability in his voice. “You have five minutes,” I said coldly. “After that, I don’t want to see you, Sophia, or Sarah again. I’m dead to you—and you’re all dead to me.”

Tanner nodded, swallowing hard. “After you hear this, you’ll understand.”

I stepped aside and motioned for him to come in. He walked to the sofa and sat down, his movements slower than usual, like he was carrying some invisible weight. I took the chair opposite him, folding my arms tightly across my chest.

Tanner looked down at his hands, his fingers fidgeting nervously. “Do you remember the first time I came here?” he asked quietly. “I said something to you.”

“Yes,” I replied, my voice sharp. “I wondered what you meant. What about it?”

He exhaled deeply, his shoulders slumping. “Robby… this is hard for me to say.” He looked up, meeting my eyes. “I’m gay.”

I froze, my mind spinning. It felt like the air had been knocked out of the room. For a moment, I thought I’d misheard him. “What?” I finally managed to say. “What the fuck are you saying? Is this some kind of joke?”

“It’s not a joke,” Tanner said, his voice steady but strained. “I’m telling you the truth.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “No way. This is another manipulation, isn’t it? Who put you up to this? Dad? Mom? Sarah? Sophia?”

“Nobody,” he said firmly. “I’m telling you because I need you to know. I need you to understand.”

I stood abruptly, the anger and confusion bubbling over. “I don’t believe you,” I said, pacing the room. “Why now, Tanner? Why are you saying this now?”

“Because I can’t keep lying, Robby,” he said, his voice cracking. “Not to you. Not to myself.”

I stopped and stared at him, my chest heaving. “You expect me to believe that? After everything you and the others have done? After everything you’ve said to me?”

“I know I’ve hurt you,” Tanner said, standing up but keeping his distance. “I know I’ve been a part of all this, and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. But this—what I’m telling you now—it’s the truth.”

I shook my head, backing away. “I think you should leave, Tanner.”

“Please, Robby,” he said, his voice breaking. “I’m not asking for forgiveness. I just need you to listen. I need you to know you’re not alone.”

“Please, Robby, listen,” Tanner said, his voice trembling as he sat down.

I stayed silent, my arms crossed, waiting for him to speak.

“It happened about three years ago,” Tanner began, staring at the floor. “One of my friends from school, Jon, had come over. We were just hanging out. We had something to eat in the kitchen and then went out for a swim in the pool. Jon didn’t have his swimming trunks with him, and nobody was home, so I told him it would be fine to swim naked. He stripped down right there, and I… I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He caught me staring and asked if I liked what I saw.” Tanner paused, his face flushing as he choked out the next words. “I nodded.”

I didn’t move, didn’t breathe. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come.

“I stripped down too,” Tanner continued, his voice barely above a whisper. “Before I knew it, we were kissing. Then he pushed me into the water, and we played around, laughing, kissing, touching. It was… amazing. I’ve never felt so alive. And then—” Tanner stopped, swallowing hard, his hands gripping his knees. “We did it. Right there in the pool. And later, upstairs in my room.”

“You’re gay?” I finally managed to say, my voice shaking. “Since when?”

“I’ve always known,” Tanner admitted. “Ever since I can remember. There were times growing up when Mom caught me fooling around with other boys. She never said anything then, but this time… this time, she told Dad.”

I leaned forward, my stomach knotting as he continued.

“I didn’t hear Mom come home,” Tanner said, his voice cracking. “I didn’t hear her car or the front door. She walked in on us in my room. Jon left as fast as he could, but the damage was done. Mom wasn’t angry at me—she looked terrified. And when Dad got home… she told him.”

Tanner’s voice broke. Tears streamed down his face, and he wiped them away roughly. “He hit her, Robby. He slapped her so hard she fell to the ground. Right in front of me. And then he turned on her, yelling that it was her fault. That she was the reason I was… gay. He called her every name you can imagine.”

I sat frozen, every piece of the puzzle falling into place. “Tanner…”

“I couldn’t stand up to him then, and I still can’t,” Tanner said, his voice filled with shame. “But when you stood up to him—when you left—it gave me hope. I thought maybe I could do the same. But then he reminded me what I stood to lose. School. Tuition. The trust fund. He told me if I came out, I could kiss being a doctor goodbye. ‘How many gay doctors are there?’ he said. ‘None—and if there are, they’re in the closet.’ What choice did I have?”

Tanner exhaled shakily. “We knew you were coming to visit. I’m sorry I lied about that. After you left, Dad hatched a plan. He thought if we all worked together, we could chip away at you. And it was working, Robby. But I couldn’t keep doing it. I kept telling Sophia and Sarah that this wasn’t right. That you’re our little brother, and we should be protecting you, not hurting you. But they didn’t want to cross Dad. The new car, the clothes, the trip to Greece—those were their rewards for playing along.”

I buried my face in my hands, unable to process it all. “And now? What happens now, Tanner?”

“I don’t know,” Tanner admitted. “I’m stuck. I’ve given up too much to turn back now. I’ll live a double life if I have to. I’ll keep pretending, keep lying. It’s the only way.”

I stood abruptly, pacing the room. “You’ll ruin your life, Tanner. And worse, you’ll ruin hers—whoever she is.”

“Her name is Cindy,” Tanner said, his voice flat. “We’re going to get engaged soon. I can’t back out now.”

“This is insane,” I said, running my hands through my hair. “There has to be a way out of this.”

“There isn’t, Robby,” Tanner said firmly. “You found your way out. You have Manny, and you’re free. But me? I’m too deep in. There’s no escape for me.”

I stopped pacing, staring at him. “Tanner, there’s always a choice. Always. Don’t let him win. Don’t let him control you.”

He shook his head, his eyes filled with despair. “I’ve already lost, Robby. I’m just trying to survive.”

We sat in silence, the weight of his confession pressing down on both of us. For the first time, I realized how much we’d both been fighting the same battle—one I had escaped and one he felt trapped in.

“What happens now, Tanner?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. “What happens when Dad finds out?”

Tanner shook his head, his expression crumbling. “I don’t know. I’m scared to go back home, Robby. But I couldn’t let them sink their teeth into you any further. I’m sorry I failed you. I’m sorry I let them chip away at you, that I went along with their plan to emotionally blackmail you. I thought I could justify it, but I can’t. I should’ve protected you… but I didn’t.”

He paused, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I’m glad you and Manny figured it out. I’m glad I had the chance to tell you the truth. And I hope that one day, you’ll find it in you to forgive me. Both of you.”

Tanner got up slowly, his shoulders slumped under the weight of everything he’d just said. I watched him walk toward the door, my mind spinning, my heart aching. Part of me wanted to stop him, to say something, but I was too dumbfounded to speak.

As he reached for the doorknob, I stood abruptly. “Tanner,” I called softly.

He turned, his face etched with sorrow, and in that moment, I saw not my older brother but a man who had been broken and rebuilt so many times he no longer knew what pieces were his.

Without thinking, I stepped forward and pulled him into a hug. He froze for a second before his arms wrapped around me tightly. We stood there, holding onto each other, the weight of years of pain and silence pressing between us. No words were exchanged, but in that moment, none were needed.

As we pulled away, Tanner offered a faint, bittersweet smile. “Take care of yourself, Robby. And take care of Manny.”

“You too, Tanner,” I said, my voice catching. “I mean it.”

He nodded, opened the door, and stepped into the hallway. The door clicked shut behind him, and I stood there, staring at the empty space where he had been, my chest hollow.

I didn’t know if I’d ever see him again. But for the first time, I saw Tanner clearly—not the perfect older brother, not the image our father had tried to mold, but the flawed, hurting person he truly was. And I loved him for it.

I sank onto the couch, my head in my hands. “What now?” I whispered to myself.

The silence of the room offered no answers.