Dan's Conundrum - 18. Chapter 18

On my seventeenth birthday I woke with a vague notion that there was no time to waste – that there was work to be done and I couldn’t remember what. It was Saturday morning and parents had gone to work. They weren’t expected to be home until the evening, so it made sense to have a lie-in after all. I rubbed my eyes and, just before going back to sleep, I saw a red, sticky note on my bedroom door. And then, I remembered.

Or even if I didn’t, I knew it had to be read, or else it wouldn’t be red.

First clue is on your desk. You have until half two.

Umm… What? Coming home so soon? What on Earth for? And where –?

The treasure trail had begun. This was going to be a long and miserable day. The first clue was written on a piece of scrap paper in small Chinese characters no bigger than my own fingertips.

This morning, two kings competed for the throne.

I hated Chinese riddles. The clock was ticking. It was eleven. How many more riddles of this sort were waiting for me? What Kings? What Throne? I dashed into different rooms, looking under every chair until I could find something but nothing showed. I checked the kitchen too. Half an hour later, I put together the characters ‘kings’ and ‘this morning’ to get ‘Piano’, so it had to do with this big black box in the lounge that was never really used. Well, my mum played sometimes and tried to make me play too when I was small, but that was a disaster and a story for a different time. I opened the lid and found nothing. I checked the strings, the hammers, and anywhere that a piece of small paper could attach itself. Nothing. But there was also the ‘throne’…

Piano stool.

Underneath it was another note, this time, vectors which I’d forgotten how to do. Had to pull out a Maths textbook for that. It led me to the garage. Then the page number of a dictionary, then the cookie jar…

Why I was subjected to this on my birthday I would never know. But then as my dad used to say, ‘As we grew we became stupider not because it was natural, but because of our unwillingness to stretch the brains.’

But still, why me…

I didn’t get any birthday presents last year because I had no friends and I couldn’t complete the trail in time. Guess what happened? I just found out they used my birthday present as my Christmas gift! With any luck that would not happen again this year.

Ten minutes before half two I heard my parents return. By then I knew where the present was and, with sparkles of victory in my eyes, I ran outside in my slippers and shouted,

‘I found it! So easy! It’s under the kitchen sink!’

Who knew? Maybe they made it easier and shorter this year.

The passenger door opened. But it was not Mum, or even Dad who came out of that car. Then I saw him. My cheeks flushed in every shade of red.

‘You found what?’ David cried.

My eyes widened. My instinct was to run back inside and hide. Then Chris came out of the car holding something in one hand and hollered, ‘My, isn’t he the cutest thing in his PJs?’

‘How…?’ I stammered, shocked and unable to move as David embraced me.

Mum came out a second later and explained. ‘We took half a day off and picked them up on the way back.’

‘But…?’ Did she even know them? How…?

‘We should go inside,’ Dad chuckled. ‘You should get changed, Dan.’

Dan? I paused. Of course. He had to call me Dan in front of my friends.

I turned, intent on vanishing inside as quickly as possible and get out of their sight, but Chris stopped me. Now I saw clearly what he was holding – a bunch of flowers! They looked so nice. He pushed them right up against my nose. I sniffed. Hmm. Didn’t smell like David. I pushed them away.

‘Oh yeah,’ Mum said, as though remembering something. ‘Chris wouldn’t tell me who the flowers were from. Secret admirer?’

‘You know who she is,’ Chris winked.

I glanced at my parents, before smiling. ‘Yeah, I think I know. Jenna isn’t it? She’s very hot…’

David rolled his eyes and shook his head. If my parents weren’t here he would have facepalmed, but hey, I was put on the spot. What to do with these flowers? I found a vase in the kitchen and popped them inside before going back to my room. Something wasn’t right. Who was behind me? I turned. David and Chris were following me upstairs like trailing tourists!

‘Shoo,’ I told them. ‘No looking in my room.’

They happily went down again, snickering amongst themselves.

What on Earth are my parents up to today?

* * * * *

I didn’t know where we were going. To town, I guess. Chris and David had sandwiched me at the back of the car which they seemed to enjoy. The fun they were getting from squishing me at the slightest turn of the car! At least they were enjoying themselves. I was about to ask when David, sensing my question, explained, ‘Your mum sent us a message on Facebook a few weeks ago. Thought we’d surprise you, ha!’

‘How come no one told me anything…?’

‘If we did, it wouldn’t be a surprise then would it?’ David shrugged. Then he gave Chris a dirty look. ‘Chris almost gave it away last week.’

‘Uh…yeah. It kinda slipped,’ Chris said. ‘But that look of yours when you saw us was priceless!’

‘Oh yes,’ David agreed. He imitated me and giggled. ‘Damn, I can’t do it.’

We’d stopped outside what appeared to be a buffet restaurant in China Town. Some place I never even heard of, apparently. The restaurant was in the basement and the stairs going down looked dodgy and squeaked as we descended.

We were seated and we took turns to grab some food. David and Chris, perhaps not knowing what to get in the face of hundreds of Chinese dishes, resorted to jelly, muffins, chips and curry. My dad shook his head helplessly at their choices of food.

‘I thought they’d eat loads!’ Dad complained to me in Chinese. ‘Maybe we should have gone to fish and chips instead.’

‘Maybe they’re not hungry…?’ I suggested.

It was possible. Dad shrugged. After a pause he asked me, ‘Isn’t your friend Chris a bit –?’

He struggled to find the right word. I knew what he meant well enough. Strange, camp, feminine, you name it. Any of those would have been correct.

‘Yes,’ I replied.

An hour later, we were defeated by the never-ending supply of food and wanted to eat no more for the rest of the day. I looked around, expecting something to happen. Bills? I rather hoped I didn’t have to pay…

Mum asked me, ‘Did you bring your present?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Why don’t you open it for us?’

I froze. That was an unusual request. We only ever opened presents in private and she knew it. This was the first time I get to unwrap in front of people! I did so. I knew it was a book and something else but I didn’t know what. As I tore open the wrappings, they came into view.

The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins

And a beautiful shirt, with colors of red, blue, green and purple – were all the colours of the rainbow on there?

‘You’re welcome,’ Mum said as I stared at the shirt dumfounded. ‘The shirt was on discount.’

‘And uh, you like to debate about religion so,’ Dad explained, ‘I think you’re going to love what Mr Dawkins has to say.’

I managed a smile. ‘Thanks Dad.’

He smiled back. After our debate that day we seemed to have moved on and everything were as normal. We had the truce and now this, the book they thought I’d want to read.

If only they knew.

‘This is my present,’ Chris handed to me a small box under the table. I wondered why the secrecy of needing to trade under the table. I unwrapped it quickly, trying to forget about The God Delusion. Then I saw the word Durex on the box, presumably a type of sweet or chewing gum. Who give chewing gums on a birthdays anyway? I read the label ‘Extra safe’. Extra safe chewing gum? What does that mean?

‘What is it?’ Mum puzzled.

‘Umm…’ I checked the description and read on until I blushed heavily. David laughed.

‘Open it,’ Chris insisted.

‘I’d rather not,’ I said, trying to give it back.

‘Just do it.’ Chris grinned. ‘It’s not what you think.’

I opened it apprehensively as though it were the Pandora’s Box. To my relief (and thank heavens I wouldn’t have to show this to Mum and Dad) it was just a folded twenty-pound note, still pretty new by the looks of it. Shame it was folded to fit inside.

‘Money?’ I asked, astonished.

‘I didn’t know what to get you. And you might not like it,’ Chris shrugged. ‘But money’s always good, right?’

Yeah. Not even my dad knew what to get me, not quite. I assumed the box was just to get a reaction, no way in hell I was keeping that.

‘And this is mine.’ David took out a small, wrapped package from inside his jacket. I didn’t fear it this time because he propped it on the table like it was a decent present and I had faith it would be. Even though it was small, it was larger than Chris’s and a lot heavier. Some kind of liquid was in it. I hoped it wasn’t vodka.

It couldn’t be. It was David’s present.

That thought always get to me – David’s present. Sounds good doesn’t it? Even if it were vodka I was sure it’d look great as a décor on my bookshelf. I might keep it for life too. I didn’t want to destroy the wrappings either but since they didn’t give way easily, I clawed away without mercy. Then I saw it. The strange looking bottle – wait – a fragrance?

‘Let you in on a little secret, mate,’ David whispered. ‘Having the right smell works wonders in your love life. This will suit you, trust me.’

I thought for a moment. ‘Does that mean… I smell?’ That seemed to be what this present insinuated anyway.

‘No, not at all…’ David defended. Then he glanced quickly at my parents before winking at me. ‘But don’t you wanna smell really nice, like, Jennas flock to you kind of nice?’

‘Yes,’ I replied dryly.

‘Well, try it on some time,’ he said. ‘It works.’

‘If you say so.’ I pouted, unconvinced. To my surprise, Mum took an interest in the fragrance and so I gave it to her.

‘This is not cheap,’ Mum remarked, examining it. She sniffed at the bottle. ‘Nice smell. How much was it?’

‘It’s no biggie, I work, so…’ David explained, carefully dodging the question, but stopped as he heard the restaurant speakers beginning an announcement.

It was not an announcement at all. Nothing could be more embarrassing than to have ‘Happy Birthday’ blared out from the speakers and hundreds of people looking at me as a cute Chinese waiter in his early twenties brought a cake to our table, already lit. Then came the singing. It was out of tune and badly sung but I loved it anyway.

This was over in a minute. The place quietened down again and everyone went about their own business, except those on my table. I faced the cake, saw the candles flickered as if to remind me everything that had gone by in the last six months in a flash.

‘Make a wish,’ Mum hurried.

I looked at the candles again and thought hard on what I wanted to happen in the coming year. Instinctively, as if wired into my oh-so-sophisticated mind, a word, an image jumped right before me.

Boyfriend.

I want a boyfriend. I want to be loved. I want to tell the world that despite all that had happened, I can still find my happy ending and live a full and meaningful life. I want to have some guy I can hold and call my own, someone to trust, someone to love.

But looking from one eager expression to another, from Mum to Dad, to Chris and David, all watching and waiting for me to blow out these candles, surely what I have mean something too?

Everyone was here because they loved me, not because they had to or were made to love me. Right now in this moment, I was already very loved. Am I so close to happiness that I can’t even recognise it when it was right in front of my face, when I see family and friends all gathering because of me?

I had wanted all my life to be happy.

But I already am.

I am happy today.

I told them, ‘Actually, my wish came true already.’

Mum and Dad looked at each other, then nodded. I blew out the candle, followed by a round of applause.

We stared at the cake for a few seconds. No one made a sound as we watched the trail of smoke dissipate into thin air.

Then we all remembered how full we were, and felt the stretch in our stomach with every gram of food.

Dad began, ‘So who’s having some cake?’

David jumped to his feet in a jiffy. ‘I’m going to the loo.’

‘Me too,’ I added. Chris was shocked that we left him behind and Dad was laughing. I was just happy following David, who rescued me from the cake.

Let me tell you something strange: I haven’t used a public toilet in years! Not since ASDA. But this time David was with me. I don’t fear anymore when he is around. Surely he would protect me if something happened.