Dan's Conundrum - 17. Chapter 17

Rodolfo: You ever thought about the future?

Byron: What? O_o

Rodolfo: You know…what you want to do when you’re older?

That question struck me as strange, even from my number one fan. But I wasn’t going to be all defensive about it. In fact, better still, I’ll make him smile.

Byron: Dunno. I used to want to be a lot of things but, realistically…clean toilets somewhere?

That seemed to have amused him.

Rodolfo: Lol really? What if you can be anything in the world? And what did you want to be?

Byron: I just want a normal life…doesn’t matter what I do as long as I’m happy. And to your other question, when I was five I wanted to be a cashier in some supermarket. I wanted to sit there and have cash pressed into my hands all day. Sadly, I didn’t know cashiers don’t take their tills home.

Rodolfo: Hehe, I suppose not.

Byron: This is strange. You asked me all these questions lately and I never asked you one. It’s my turn today, no?

Rodolfo: Umm okay :P

Byron: What is it like being gay? For you at least?

It took him a while to respond.

Rodolfo: It’s alright I guess. Bit lonely at times, but that’s okay too.

Byron: Is that why you’re on here, because you’re lonely?

Well, if that wouldn’t make it the pointed question of the day.

Rodolfo: Oh no, I have gay friends. They’re just not my type :P

Byron: Uh… Do you even have a type?

Rodolfo: Hey, I don’t sleep around lol.

Perhaps you don’t Rodolfo, but I like teasing you anyway.

Byron: Out to your parents?

Rodolfo: Not out to my mum. And Dad doesn’t keep in touch.

Byron: Sorry to hear that.

Rodolfo: Nah, haven’t seen him in years. It’s okay though.

Byron: Ever thought about coming out to your mum?

Rodolfo: Sometimes. Maybe I would if I found the special someone :]

Special someone. I sighed.

Byron: I’m sure you’ll find him soon.

I’m sure you will, but not me.

Rodolfo: :D :D

I never thought such a bitter reply could generate two smilies. Maybe something was lost or he didn’t interpret it as bitter. Now I wasn’t sure if I was glad he didn’t pick it up.

Sensing the silence, he asked,

Rodolfo: What about you? Came out to your folks?

Byron: Nope. Maybe, if I have a boyfriend – that’s not going to happen.

Rodolfo: Why?

Byron: Because relationships don’t last. And then they hurt.

Rodolfo: You don’t think there’s someone out there who is meant for you? Someone you can be with for the rest of your life?

No. That hurts too much for me to believe. I’m sure it exists for others though.

Byron: I had that feeling once.

I remembered vividly the first week of knowing David, that scent, that smile, he had everything I ever wanted.

Byron: Thought he was the one…but not for me. A straight guy is a straight guy. I’ve moved on now. It’s for the better.

He paused, but not long later he surprised me with his own pointed question.

Rodolfo: Is that why you’re on here, because you’re trying to move on?

Damn it. Am I really that transparent?

* * * * *

Ahhh! This is so scary! This thing is attacking me! I must flyyy…

Blank.

‘That’s disgusting,’ Chris said to me, shaking his head as I disposed of the body.

‘Sorry, couldn’t resist…’ I mumbled. Honestly I couldn’t. Flies in this country were so fat and slow, unused to being squatted on a daily basis. It was survival of the survived. Plus, it had out-stayed its welcome and it had to die.

‘Hey David,’ Chris greeted, finding David approaching with his angelic smile.

‘Hey.’ David paused, then to me, ‘Nice hair.’

‘Glad you noticed. I started organising them. Finally.’

‘I love it.’ He grinned. To my surprise he hugged me tight. ‘Still like hugs?’

David is awesome like that.

‘Yeah.’ I managed a smile. The hugs had lost their novelty and thrill about them over the last month and in a way, I missed the chemistry of attraction, of being completely intoxicated by him. No more of that now. But he still smelled nice.

‘Where’s my hug?’ Chris demanded.

David grinned mischievously. ‘I can only hug so many people a day, you know…’

Chris rolled his eyes. ‘Damn you then.’

‘Aww, you know I love you.’

Chris thought for a moment. ‘Whatever.’ He looked away, showing him the hand.

‘Uh, guys?’ I said quietly. ‘Don’t laugh, but I have a question.’

Remembering something, Chris asked, ‘Oh yeah, when’s your birthday again?’

That seemed to have enraged David. ‘It’s next week, you idiot,’ he snapped.

‘Ah, sorry.’

‘Really? Thanks for reminding me, haha,’ I laughed nervously. ‘Can’t even remember it’s my birthday soon. Anyway. Do you think The One exists?’

Chris looked at me as though I was asking a stupid question. ‘Of course there’s no such thing.’

I thought for a moment. ‘But what about true love and all that?’

‘This is the real world Dan,’ Chris told me. ‘Some relationships work better than others. Nothing to do with who was meant for whom – but which guys are compatible and which aren’t.’

‘I disagree,’ David said.

‘Why?’ Chris turned to him, shocked.

‘No reason. I just disagree,’ David repeated.

I asked David, ‘So you believe Mr Right is out there? Not for you but, for me at least?’

He raised an eyebrow. ‘Yeah. Why not?’

‘He doesn’t!’ Chris insisted. ‘What you need to look for, is Mr You-will-do. It’ll work. If you’re only looking for the perfect guy like you are doing, you’re not gonna get anywhere.’

‘He can dream, can’t heThere’s always room for imagination, isn’t there?’ David asked. Then to me, ‘What’s your dream guy then? What’s he like?’

Dunno, someone like you?

‘Someone with green eyes. Someone French. I dunno…’

‘Why French?’ Chris scratched his head.

‘Because they know what they’re doing? Maybe?’

David chuckled. ‘I’m a quarter French, you know that, right?’

‘Nice! Will you marry me? Like now?’

Chris shook his head. ‘You seriously need to meet some guys, Dan.’

‘Nah I was joking. Not ready for love.’

‘It doesn’t have to be love, just a bit of fun,’ he said, winking at me.

‘And what does “fun” entail exactly?’

‘All kinds of fun-related activities.’ Chris smiled, patronisingly. ‘Sex included.’

‘That’s no fun at all. I’d…I’d rather talk to David, thanks.’

‘You would rather talk to me than have sex?’ David laughed. ‘Seriously?’

‘Sex is an utter waste of time.’

‘Says the virgin.’ Chris rolled his eyes.

‘I’m kinda flattered. I like it.’ David nodded.

‘That’s sad, Dan,’ Chris told me. ‘You never even tried it. If you never try you’ll never know.’

He was right about that. I suppose…if it was the right person…it might not be a waste of time? I’m confused. What struck me as strange was that David too looked confused by something.

‘Dan, a question,’ David began. ‘How do you know you’re gay, if you’ve never kissed a guy?’

‘I think about guys. More often than not, I think about just one.’

He gave that some thought. ‘Yeah but how do you know? How do you know this life is for you?’

‘I guess I don’t. Maybe in a few years I’ll kiss some guy and find that I hated it and I’m straight all along.’

David frowned, looking at Chris briefly before turning to me. ‘Maybe I can help with that.’

‘Huh?’

‘Might as well give you some practice while you wait for Mr Right.’ David grinned.

‘But I might not like it…’

‘Then experiment. Everything has a first.’ David shrugged.

It took a moment for me to figure out what he meant.

Oh my God?

He wanted me to kiss him! No way! I get to…kiss David of all people! Amazing! Overwhelmed and too happy to think straight, I leaned forward a little.

Seeing something foolish in my eyes, David quickly added, ‘Not me, Dan. Him.’ He pointed at Chris.

‘Come here,’ Chris said in a motherly voice. I felt cold sweats on my forehead as he leaned towards me with puckered lips. I tensed and shut my eyes.

His warm, sticky lips pressed against mine for one moment. I frowned at the sensation, tensed even further and prepared to repel the invasion of the tongue. But then it was gone. I felt his lips parted mine. I opened my eyes, not understanding a thing.

‘I wasn’t really going to use my tongue,’ Chris explained. ‘And just relax. You kissed like a proper straight guy.’

‘That was cute,’ David said, grinning. ‘Like?’

‘It’s alright,’ I replied, wiping my lips with the back of my hand.

Chris exclaimed, ‘You’re not supposed to do that!’

‘Then what am I supposed to do?’

‘You’re not supposed to do anything.’ He was infuriated. I hadn’t seen Chris this offended for a long time.

‘But it’s sticky.’

‘At least have the decency not to do it in front of me.’ Chris shook his head. Then he turned to David. ‘And I’m not doing this again, your majesty.’

‘Wait, this was your idea?’ I gasped.

‘Hmm…’

That wasn’t much of a reply. David came to me, leaning close. His gaze softened and he tilted his head. It was funny having his face so close to mine. I shut my eyes again, ready for the next sticky experience.

I felt him kiss me on the cheek.

‘Happy birthday,’ he whispered in my ear.

Oh David, you didn’t have to do that for me…

Then I remembered. Last year I would have given anything for this moment. Anything. I remembered craving for him to kiss me, every night. Not seconds ago, he just kissed me for the very first time.

I guess I finally got what I wanted, huh? Last year at least.