Turbulence - 11. Chapter 11

Balcony conversation
Friday, August 20th

“Jeez Arlo, I can't believe you could be friends with that asshole. I don't know what to say.”

Arlo gave Daniel a starry-eyed smile. “Your'e still my best friend Daniel -- don't worry about that -- that'll never change.”

“What?” Daniel stared for a moment at Arlo, confused by his friend's candid reply.

"You know, some of the things we've done--"

"Stop!" Daniel didn't want to hear about it. He tried to steer the conversation back to the original subject. “I thought that bastard hurt you.”

“Well, so what?” Arlo became defensive. “Didn't you tell me that your senior beat you the first time.” His voice became more assured. “In fact he's done it more than once, right?”

"But that wasn't real.” It was Daniel's turn to be defensive. “He spanked me on the ass a little. . . if you consider that a beating.” Okay, so maybe those bareass slaps did sound a bit sketchy now that Daniel was confronted by it. But it always played out like a joke between him and Denver. This hardly compared to the sexual assault on Arlo. “It's not even in the same league as what happened to you, Arlo. That guy. . . ” Daniel choked on his words.

“His name is 'Donald'.” There was a warmth in Arlo's voice that echoed Daniel's own when he spoke of Denver. The similarity made Daniel cringe.

“Okay. . . Donald. . . he like raped you man,” Daniel blurted. It had taken him awhile just to come to terms with the whole idea. In the presence of his friend it was hard for Daniel to even mouth the words.

Arlo shook his head vigorously. “No Dan, it's not like that. Donald explained it all to me. He said it was just because I was a virgin. He said girls do it too.”

“Do what?”

“He said girls bleed the first time and it's supposed to hurt like that.”

“It is?” Daniel was not sure. Maybe what Arlo was saying was true. How would he know one way or the other? He had zero experience with these matters.

Arlo's voice gained confidence. “Yes. Donald said it happens to everyone. He was really sorry about it too. Since then, he's been really cool to me. He's trying to make up for it.”

“Make up for it? For like. . . doing that to you. . . against the car?” Daniel had imagined it many times and each time it played out like a scene from a horror movie.

“Donald isn't really like that. He said he thought I was hot and he couldn't control himself. Since then he's been really nice to me.” Arlo blushed -- his friendship with Donald had apparently grown serious. Then it dawned on Daniel that Arlo was as fascinated by the attention of an older boy as he was. Arlo played with his drink and stared at the familiar cluster of buildings that framed the view of the street below. Up to this point, their shared interest in boys had remained unspoken between them and Daniel was reluctant to pursue this line of conversation.

Daniel took a sip from his own glass and caught Arlo's eye before returning to study the bubbles forcing their way past the pack of crushed ice in his drink. He thought about the day they had just spent with Mandy and Simon. Things were getting more difficult all around. The comfortable circle of their lives seemed to be fracturing. All that held it together was an unnatural tension between the four of them. Daniel and Mandy danced around each other now. Mandy and Arlo were confused by Simon's presence. And Simon, always the belligerent outsider, struggled to fit in for Daniel's sake. Daniel had exhausted himself trying to bridge the gaps.

When Daniel didn't say anything, Arlo resumed speaking. “You know on Tuesday when Marsh and Gordon got jumped after the movie?”

How could Daniel forget about Tuesday evening? He smiled at the memory. Simon had stood beside him in the parking lot; the two boys became real friends that night. The heart-pounding steeple-chase through the unfamiliar neighborhood with its adrenalin-rush of danger had transformed them into an imposing duo. “Yeah, what about it?”

“Donald was one of the dudes in the car. He said he recognized me in the theater and wanted to see me again." Daniel met Arlo's eyes briefly and then looked down at his drink as Arlo continued on. "I went over to his house on Thursday. . . Man! we had a real good time together. . .”

Daniel thought about the football player named Duncan who had confronted him in the parking lot and warned him about 'being recognized'. But now Daniel reconsidered who might have been the chief objective of the boys in the brown Grand Prix. . . perhaps this was not about him after all. The thought offered a moment's relief before his disbelief resurfaced. "So this guy Donald was one of the creeps who worked Marsh and Gordon over? Was he the one who beat Gordon back down into the trunk?" Daniel snarled out the words. His anger covered his shame at behaving like a coward in the dark. Daniel loathed the thought of this cruel older teen capturing the attention of his best friend. He looked over and caught Arlo staring at him with a questioning gaze.

“Do you mind?” Arlo asked softly.

Daniel was once again unsure about what his friend was trying to say. For a moment he thought Arlo was worried about his reaction to the idea of selling out to the older boy. Then a queasy feeling came over him as he fought off the notion that his friend might think he was jealous of Donald. He met Arlo's eyes and registered the fear. Finally Daniel understood. Arlo wanted to know if Daniel had a problem with Arlo being attracted to boys. Daniel closed his eyes for a moment hoping to escape that question. It concerned him because it made him think about Denver. How can this be the same? He pictured Denver setting him down across his lap and striking him on the ass, and then the very next time they were both getting naked in Denver's back yard like buddies. Daniel had never felt like he was under attack. It was not like Troy's belt striking his skin in the furnace room, or Arlo frightened sick that this high school student had damaged him, or the punch that had sent Gordon back to the bottom of the car trunk on the quiet suburban street -- the brutality of it all sickened him.

Nothing made sense anymore. . .

“I guess if you like him,” Daniel finally replied heavily.

“Do you think about it?”

Daniel studied his hands. Arlo had been his best friend for years. They shared all their secrets.

“Come on Danny, give over. I did it again with him. What do you think about that?”

The noise of traffic below filled the silence between them. Evan sitting by the falls, begging Daniel for an opinion. You trust your best friend. Best friends don't let each other down.

Daniel replied carefully, “I can't lie to you Arlo -- I've been thinking about it too.” But not with Arlo, the feeling was just not there. Daniel was reluctant to reveal his feelings of attraction toward Denver after harassing Arlo about Donald. No damn it -- it can't be the same! He paused again and then opened up a little more. “The kissing at the parties, you know?”

Arlo giggled in a way Daniel had not heard since they were little.

Daniel smiled to hide his embarrassment and drew his feet up onto the chair before he continued. He recalled the nights last year when the gatherings were winding down and the boys got silly and started to gross out the girls and each other by pretending to be pansies. “It's like the jokes we used to share isn't it? Except I guess we're not really joking anymore. Man, that day we messed around together. . .” Daniel had stepped across a line in June and it was like night and day. “I've never touched a guy's dick since we goofed around, dude.”

But you do think about it, a whispered voice drenched in sunlight accused him with a shy smile.

Daniel eyed Arlo, tempted by his friend's innuendo. Arlo encouraged him to continue, but there was not much more he wanted to say. The rest was Denver and simply noticing the way other boys looked in a way he had never done before. The new feelings plagued Daniel.

“Do you look at guys?” Arlo asked, reading his friend's thoughts.

Daniel shrugged back with an ambiguous grimace on his lips.

That question led to another. “Have you thought about real sex?”

This was going too far and Daniel needed to distance himself. “Can I tell you a secret Arlo?” Arlo nodded. “I mean you have to keep it to yourself.” Arlo assured him he could be trusted. This was an afternoon for honesty between them and Arlo respected that. “I have a bone for Mandy.”

Arlo began laughing. “Really? This is your big secret?” Daniel smiled back shyly; he did not think it was that obvious. “Sorry Danno, I've known that all along. I think even Greg figured that out awhile back too.” Daniel doubted his friend's words; Greg was all about himself. Arlo shook his head and then continued. “So what's keeping you from hooking up with her?”

Daniel shrugged. At least the conversation had returned to safer ground. It was much easier talking to Arlo about Mandy. Daniel cherished his dreams about Mandy. Those dreams were solid and kept him normal.

Arlo sighed and met Daniel's eyes again. “Do you mind?” he repeated. The momentum of their conversation was too great and Arlo was not willing to be deflected off-course.

“I never told you Arlo. . . but at camp, one morning, I caught these two guys making out together.”

“No shit!” Arlo was awed.

“Yes shit. Anyway --”

“Kissing?”

“Not exactly. One guy was giving the other a blow job. They didn't kiss. So . . .”

“In the woods?”

“Uh no. . . next to me in the tent.”

“Daniel, what is it exactly that you guys do on these camp-outs?”

“They're not camp-outs… what I wanted to say was, it's okay.”

“What's okay?” Arlo studied him carefully.

“We're cool Arlo. I guess with us being freshies we are both going to try different things. If you like it, I'm okay with that.” This was Arlo after all and Daniel could be frank with him. Daniel felt better and stronger having told his best friend this. He hoped that maybe by letting Arlo know it was okay to be gay with Donald, he was also telling himself it was okay to explore boys a little. Not that he needed a boyfriend or something gay like that, but maybe he would not feel so guilty when the seniors pushed him into doing something with another ninth grader. Maybe he would not feel so uncomfortable when he caught himself daydreaming about an interesting boy he bumped into on the street. Maybe it was not so terrible to feel good when Denver looked at him the same way he looked at Mark. Denver and Mark, the new concept in his life; he mostly accepted them as a gay couple, so it should not be that difficult to expect that other people like Arlo might be gay too.

“Do you want to. . ?”

“No dude.” Not with you, Arlo. Just the thought of messing around with Arlo made him uncomfortable, but for a decidedly different reason. The exciting world of attractive and unattractive girls had become enticingly complicated by the unexpected appearance of attractive and unattractive boys. I choose who I want to be with. . . Daniel still did not understand what his body was responding to. It left him very anxious.

Arlo shrugged. “Let's pretend for a minute.”

“About what?”

“If you liked guys…”

“Get real!”

“Come on, humour me. What kind of guy would you be attracted to?”

Arlo knew Daniel's mind too well. Daniel had to think his way through this mine field. He studied Arlo beside him; taller, older and better developed. He had a scattering of light pimples on his left cheek today. Arlo always had a slight wave in his thick black hair. Dark brown eyes hooded by a virtual unibrow. He might be considered 'ruggedly handsome' by some. Why did Daniel not really find his best friend attractive? Arlo might appeal to this older kid Donald just fine.

“There's gotta be something stronger in this Sprite if you expect me to talk about this.”

Arlo smiled, but he would not give way -- he prodded his friend with his silence.

“Truth or dare? Okay my dream guy would be. . .” Daniel offered in the familiar lispy voice from their Homo games -- but this time he was dead serious. Daniel was very tempted to describe Denver, the seventeen-year-old mesmerized him. But Daniel could not bring himself to let Arlo in on these feelings for Denver, so his imagination veered off in a different direction. “I'm not really into big guys; I think it would have to be someone smaller.”

“Simon Marks, right?”

“I mean my size dude, I'm bigger than Simon.” Daniel had to laugh. “Long hair is okay though,” he added thoughtfully.

“Jesus Daniel, you're describing Mandy aren't you?” Arlo shook his head in mock disgust. “I said if you liked guys.”

“Hey, guys can have long hair.”

“Oh Daniel, you kill me, a blond-haired guy with tits. . . Can we call him 'Andy'?”

“Cut it out, maybe the hair is dark instead. Anyway, I don't think I would like a guy with hair as long as Mandy's. Say down to his shoulders, slight wave--you know, the kind that you have to push back off your face when it gets in your eyes. And nice white teeth too.” Daniel smiled at Arlo, pleased with his un-Arlo-like description. Then he frowned slightly. Where did that come from anyway?

“Now you're describing Amber Klein. You're hopeless Daniel.”

Okay, he must be thinking of Amber. Better for Arlo to believe he never thought about guys at all. At least Arlo now realized that Daniel was not attracted to him. Still, Arlo's teasing bothered him for some reason. He was trying to be honest and Arlo was not taking him seriously.

“A guy that looks like a girl,” Arlo taunted Daniel.

“Okay, shut up and listen.”

Arlo stopped snickering and leaned back in his chair. Daniel was exasperated at his friend now, but this also felt good. It had been too long since they had an introspective conversation like this one with each other. That forgettable afternoon of sex between them had taken a bite out of their friendship; this was a small step up from the abyss.

“A guy, okay? No fat. . .”

Arlo nodded agreement.

“Athletic maybe, strong grip, but more of a normal guy. . . just like me.” A smile and bright eyes, clear face, strong voice, nothing girly or sensitive about him. Strong and confident like Denver. It was there in his head, but Daniel really did not have the words to explain. These were new feelings.

“Someone you can play games with like Greg, right?” Arlo turned back to the city spread out before them. “I think you are hopeless Danny. So what are you going to do about Mandy?”

Daniel stopped trying to puzzle out his feelings and considered the question. “What can I do man? We're friends. . . you're not supposed to fall in love with your friends.” You stumble off the right path with your friends and then it's over. Daniel looked at Arlo and secretly yearned to be sitting with Simon or Denver instead. That in a nutshell was the problem with Arlo. They had taken the wrong fork and their old friendship was hopelessly entangled in a thatch of thorny emotions. Telling Mandy how he felt about her was too scary for Daniel. He had felt like such an idiot after Colin's party. Ladies man my ass, Daniel scolded himself; he realized he had no clue whatsoever.

“Do you want me to sound her out for you?”

“No fucking way!” This was strong language coming from Daniel.

“You know she likes you.”

“Yes but I don't think she likes me.”

Arlo shifted in his seat and straightened out his shorts. He weighed Daniel in his mind and decided to give up. Daniel's description stuck with him though. “You are all about the girls Danny. Are you going to see her this weekend?”

“I don't know. . . maybe. Her brother is coming down this weekend. They got some family stuff going on.” Mandy's family gatherings were like a whole different world to Daniel. Family stuff at the Murrell's meant watching a movie with his mother or taking one of their seasonal holidays. Somewhere out there over the balcony and across the city his father lived with another woman. Daniel wondered if he might have a little brother or sister. He probably did. Daniel guessed his shadowy father could not keep his dick in his pants. The man clearly did not know about condoms, maybe somewhere there was another boy or two wondering where his dead-beat dad was. Daniel thought of the last time he had snuck into the downtown office building to catch a glimpse of the man. Just a regular guy in a suit jacket. His father the boring accountant with his fancy office and gold-framed pictures lined up along the desk. . . maybe a couple of extra frames with big question marks in them for Daniel and all the others.

“Well what do you think Danny?”

Daniel had zoned out. He refocused on Arlo and shook his head in confusion.

Arlo prodded him, “Do you wanna go to a party with me and Donald tonight?”

That did not sound like fun at all; the answer came easy. “Denver wants me to go to a party on Saturday. Get connected with some more of his friends.” Daniel did not have to explain what that meant to Arlo. Heather Murrell was pretty good about allowing her son to go out to parties -- cooler than most parents by far -- but once a weekend was all the time allotted. Daniel had already been warned that the partying would grind to a halt in September.

“We don't seem to connect much anymore, do we?”

“Well its not like elementary school, Arlo. Riverview is the big time now and I guess it shouldn't surprise us if we don't connect all the time like we used to.” Daniel felt relieved. He was not anxious to find himself at a party with Arlo's older friends -- one that resembled the first freshie party in the warehouse. . .

The seniors would make him do things . . . and he didn't want to do that with Arlo.

Solo
Saturday, August 21st, 8:30 PM

Laine stood at the kitchen sink and gazed out past the backyard fence to where people mingled near the Boisson's back door. The group was comprised of mostly older teens out for a smoke, but he saw a few boys and girls his age. He wondered if Greg and Chris had gone to the party. Noelle had invited him too -- that was cool -- Laine appreciated the gesture very much. But his parents quashed that idea rather quickly. His mother did not think much of Noelle's mother leaving her daughter alone for the weekend while she left town with her current boyfriend. Over dinner, Laine was served up a sizzling lump of dire consequences that made it very clear the Bryant house would be free of parties until Nicky turned twenty-one. This was a predictable side-dish to accompany his meatloaf and about as welcome as the frozen mixed vegetables. Naturally, if Laine could not expect his own house party before he moved out, he would not be allowed to attend the neighbor's party either. His parents had to be consistent and offered little chance for an occasional slip into hypocrisy that might deliver him from his boring life. Laine could almost hear the laughter drifting over from the other yard. The milk tasted sour in his mouth.

His dad wandered through and noticed his son leaning against the counter. "Stop sulking Laine. You're only fourteen. You will have plenty of years to party later." Laine's mom knew to leave things well enough alone.

Laine refused to respond. He had chosen not to argue with them earlier, even though he had a number of plausible arguments all lined up: he would promise to stay sober; the party was just over the back fence for heaven's sake; he even would settle for an earlier curfew. The retorts swirled in Laine's head as he turned back to study his father's imposing figure.

“Sure dad, I know,” was all he could muster.

His father was an okay guy, but the authoritarian parenting was not fair. Well, to give his parents their fair due, they did not party either. But life was passing the young teenager by and the parties offered the only real hope of meeting someone. He was certainly not going to meet anyone at Sunday Mass. Mr. Bryant left his son to wallow in peace. Laine turned back to put the empty glass beside the sink. The early evening light blessed the young people partying across the rugged fence and illuminated the fort high in the old walnut tree.

Shots
Saturday, August 21st, 9:30 PM

A current of tension between Denver and Mark reverberated throughout the Echo. Daniel had noticed it from the moment he hopped into the back seat of the car. It unsettled him and did nothing to ease his mixed emotions about the evening. His pre-party siesta had gone badly and he woke up depressed from yet another troubling dream involving Denver. Sitting in the back seat of the Echo he clasped his hands tightly together and found himself focusing on the back of Mark's head while at the same time offering minimal response to Denver's attempts at conversation. The senior kept trying to draw him out and despite Denver's enthusiasm, the effort required to be positive and upbeat was more than Daniel could sustain.

The bottom line was Daniel had no desire to go to another Riverview house party. He knew it would not be the same as one of Denver's own gatherings. Most of the people who turned up at Denver's were a few years older than him and he sometimes felt like they simply tolerated him for Denver's sake. But even though he felt like an outsider, he knew he was there as Denver's friend -- not just his freshie -- and at least they left him alone. Despite that, when Daniel went over to Denver's house he could relax; he would settle in quickly and open up. These other parties were different. Everytime they made the neighborhood rounds Daniel had to expect a certain degree of the inevitable freshie hazing.

“I've known Noelle Boisson since ninth grade -- you'll like her,” Denver tossed out with a glance in the mirror. They made eye contact in the mirror, but Daniel quickly averted his gaze.

“Hmmm.” Daniel was not convinced. He watched Mark's profile as the dark youth shifted between following the road and studying his boyfriend. Mark seemed aloof and disinterested like Daniel -- he barely acknowledged the boy's existence. Daniel tried to decipher the body language of the gay couple occupying the front seats; he tried to rationalize their behavior in the context of the previous day's conversation with Arlo. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He reassured himself he was not turning gay and Arlo was probably not gay either -- but the dreams involving Arlo and Denver haunted him.

Denver tried once again to reassure Daniel. “Hey, don't worry, things will be cool. You've met a lot of these people there already.”

Mark turned so that he could address Daniel. He eyed him a moment as if to measure Daniel's mood before turning his attention back to Denver. “I think it's time to get the little dude wrecked,” Mark chirped. He shifted back to Daniel with a strained smile. “Don't you think it's time to cut loose man? I haven't seen you good and ripped since after that first freshie party. . . You know Daniel, you don't have to look so serious. If you relaxed a little maybe the seniors would lighten up.” Mark poked Denver's shoulder. “Or maybe if this senior didn't raise shit every time you got hazed everyone would just back off.”

“What would you know about that?" There was an edge in Denver's voice that had been sharpened from sometime before they picked up the freshie.

Mark responded in kind. “Now look man, what makes you think you cornered the market on suffering? Try being a fag at the bottom of the shit pile in grade nine like I was." Mark's anger flared. "For that matter, I still take all kinds of shit for what I am. You on the other hand -- you don't have the balls to come all the way out so only the dickheads who know you like that Nazi Troy actually give you a hard time. Why can't you be honest, Denver? We're partners, aren't we? . . fuck Denver, it's been over nine months. . .”

“It hasn't been that long.”

“Now don't you start with me! You won't even touch me in public. Honestly Denver, you're so full of shit and it hurts.”

Daniel sat in the back seat siliently listening to Mark and Denver go at it. Who wouldn't want to hide that, Mark? Daniel sympathized with Denver all the way. Denver's relationship with Mark might be acceptable by today's standards, but at the same time Daniel was glad his senior did not embarrass him by making a public statement about his sexual orientation.

Denver pulled to a stop and the three sat silently for a beat watching the flow of traffic across the intersection.

But it was short-lived. Mark resumed his rant, which was nothing more than a thin veil to hide what was really bothering him -- a fear and exasperation with Daniel's role in this ever-emerging love triangle. For his own sake, he needed to manipulate Denver into backing down from the freshie and hopefully this would create some space between the two. “Besides, you make things worse on the kid by stopping strangers on the streets or by throwing a fit everytime someone hazes him. People do it now just to yank your chain. If you would just back off, things would be a lot better.”

Denver started through the intersection. He spared a moment to allow his lover to simmer down. “Ignore Mark, Daniel. It's just that Noelle's house was where we met and he wants tonight to be some special anniversary.” Denver made contact with Daniel in the mirror before checking the traffic. “It's been eight months since she threw that Christmas party, eh Mark?”

“Nine”

“Almost.”

Daniel listened to the older boys quibble and thought about Mark's comments. Daniel had never been a fan of teasing the rookies or initiating the new campers. Experience had taught him that all the initiation stuff actually made it harder to get along and develop relationships with the new guys afterward. It was much more fun taking Evan through his first white water run than it had been watching the veteran campers in his cabin smear the new boys with slime and corruption before watching them run naked down to the frigid lake. In Daniel's mind, sharing the first rapids had been the real initiation. Nevertheless, Mark was probably right about the hazing. When it came to himself, Daniel knew he could not back down when the veterans came after him. He was determined to fit into the group and the initiations were part of the tradition. Daniel knew if he was going to make it as a high school student he had to endure the freshie hazing rituals, just like everyone else had done before him. Mark was right -- it was time to handle things by himself.

He hoped the two lovers would make up before they reached the party. Daniel turned his attention to the neighborhood around him and realized the party was close to where Simon and Greg lived. In fact if he walked two blocks east he would end up in Greg's front yard. He had not been there since a week before Greg dumped Mandy. Simon lived somewhere in the area, but exactly where Daniel was not sure. Simon had not invited him over yet. There were still sensitive areas in their budding friendship. Money was definitely high on the list. Daniel glanced at the small houses crowded along the street. It looked pretty much like Mandy's neighborhood to him; Simon should not be so sensitive.

He knew they had reached the party when Denver cruised past an old stucco house with a horde of people sitting on the front lawn. He twisted around to watch the people as Mark and Denver broke into an argument about where to park the Echo. Denver settled the argument by accelerating onto the next block. The pair lapsed into silence until Denver settled the Echo along the curb. Daniel let Denver and Mark lead him back toward the house through the failing light. He watched the lovers bump against each other playfully as they walked, their squabble in the car apparently behind them.

Daniel hesitated as he stepped through the door. Parties in grade eight were a little lame; after all, they rarely got close to alcohol and he traveled in a pack with his all-to-familiar posse. But nowadays, he never knew what to expect. It was an older house that again reminded him of Mandy Cole's place. The small living room was fairly crowded. Daniel followed Denver and Mark past a circle of girls playing caps on the floor. The house had the comforting feel of a home abandoned by parents. Daniel was slowly and pleasantly becoming accustomed to these 'parent-free zone' parties.

“Daniel!” he heard Chow's familiar voice and turned toward the corner where his classmate and a pair of boys about his age were trying to share an over sized chair. Chow perched on one arm of the chair holding an empty bottle of beer. He gave Daniel a broad grin. "What did you do to your hair, dude?"

Daniel grinned back. "Mandy's idea." He shoved his hands into his pockets and then glanced over his shoulder. He realized he had lost Denver and Mark before he had a chance to snag a drink.

“This is Antonio,” Chow waved his empty bottle at a boy slouched in the chair and then shifted to a thin redhead hanging off the other arm. “And this is Cole.” Daniel nodded a greeting. “These guys went to I'm-a Walrus.” Chow concluded his introduction. Emma Wallace Elementary was close enough to 7th Avenue for the two schools to be arch rivals. But elementary school was ancient history now that they were freshmen at Riverview High.

Daniel thought Cole looked a little familiar. “Did you play basketball?” he asked.

“Yeah, I think I've seen you before too.”

Daniel noticed the boys all had tattoos on their faces. He collapsed on the floor next to them and folded his legs. “Anyone else here?” He twisted around to take in the noisy crowd.

“Terrance, Marsh. . .” Chow replied.

“Where?”

“Downstairs I guess -- there's a shit load of people here.” Chow reached down beside the chair and pulled up a fresh beer. He took a swig and offered it to Daniel as an afterthought. Daniel took a polite pull and returned it to him. He needed to find Denver and grab a drink of his own. “How are things with your senior?”

“They're cool.”

“Mallory is cool too. She's really laid back about the freshie shit too,” volunteered Antonio.

“She made you swim in the nude man.” Cole nudged the other boy.

“She just wanted to see how well hung I was.” He leered at Daniel and Chow. “Did you make the River Party?” Daniel admitted he had missed it. “Mallory wouldn't take me to the warehouse. Cole went, didn't you?” He glanced at his friend.

“I don't want to talk about that. It was a fucking circus.” Cole's discomfort was obvious and Daniel sympathized.

“Have a good summer?” Chow shifted the topic away from the nightmare of that June night.

“Yeah, pretty good; went to the mountains; hung out at the pool; you know, chilled out. It could've been longer.” He knew his trip to summer camp would not sound very impressive to the others, so Daniel skipped that part. “Any of the girls here? Say Chow, have you seen Raina?”

“Who's Raina? Amber's here; I saw her come in with her senior awhile ago.” Daniel perked up at the thought.

The three boys shifted the conversation to the girls at the party. They compared notes on the possibilities in September. Antonio let loose with the typical macho brag that he was going to lay his female senior.

Man, the times I've heard that line, Daniel reflected. He was having a good laugh over Antonio's comment when suddenly he was pushed off balance by a foot to the shoulder.

“Look everyone! The fag finally cut his girly locks and bleached his hair. Do blondes really have more fun Bryant?”

Daniel found himself on his side looking back up at two ninth graders. It flashed through his mind that despite the blonde highlights Mandy coaxed him into getting someone had recognized him from the freshie party.

“Oh, shit man, I'm sorry. We thought you were someone else!” The boys looked at each other and Daniel could see their confusion.

“This is Dan you prick, he's no faggot,” Chow snapped. Daniel felt relieved that his friend spoke up for him.

“No, really, we didn't mean to hassle you. You just looke a bit like . . . Look, I'm sorry. Hey, I'm Troy, this is Abdullah, but you can call him Fez.” Troy looked helplessly at Daniel and the three boys on the chair. “No hard feelings?” He added hopefully.

“Pull up a piece of floor and join us.” Daniel was over his scare and he wasn't looking for a fight. Troy and Fez dropped down beside him. Daniel thought about the crack about faggots and hoped Denver and Mark would not draw attention to themselves. He felt a twinge of guilt. He was determined to be cool about the older boys' relationship. It seemed easier to accept when he was at Denver's house. He realized he should make an effort to defend his friends. “Just lay off the homophobia, okay?” he tried tentatively. Troy shrugged his shoulders like he didn't care, but Daniel noticed the speculative look cast in his direction. He cursed himself for raising the suspicion and then realized it didn't matter -- he felt better anyway. Antonio got Fez and Troy up to speed on the conversation and the moment was forgotten. Daniel impressed the boys a few minutes later when Amber and Amanda wandered through the room, stopped for a kiss and then warned him they expected him to dance with them later. When he turned back he yearned to tell the five boys that he had enjoyed sex with Amber. It was so hard not to tell other guys and he struggled with the temptation silently. At least he had put to rest the faggot insinuation. He relaxed back onto the floor and cocked a knee feeling like a man among boys.

“Hey! You freshies don't have a tattoo yet. Get your asses into the kitchen.” A twelfth grade girl looked down at them with her hands on her hips. “Scoot!” she added. The three boys on the chair snorted when she looked back at them.

Daniel checked with Troy and Fez, and then the three ninth graders reluctantly got to their feet. So much for being a man.

Three seniors sat around an old wooden table that dominated the brightly lit kitchen. They smiled good naturedly at the three ninth graders subconsciously huddled together under the illusion of protection. Daniel took in the wooden paddle by the sink and the cluster of bottles on the sticky table. A collection of shot glasses completed the picture and stimulated Daniel's imagination. Daniel had been paddled a few times at the freshie party in June. It was, in fact, the only thing he had really been prepared for. He and his friends had watched Dazed and Confused like it was some kind of educational video. The twelfth grade girl returned locked onto another unsuspecting freshie with blonde hair and ice blue eyes.

One of the twelfth graders dropped his feet to the floor and scanned the four boys. “So who's gonna be first, girls?” The blonde volunteered. Daniel, Troy and Fez watched as the stranger approached the senior.

“Seung, take it easy on these boys okay?”

The senior picked up the paddle and swung it threateningly back and forth. “Don't sweat it Noelle. We're just going to have a little fun, aren't we?” He turned to the boy. “What's your name freshie?”

“Sasha”

“Put your hands on the counter and bend over.” The boys watched as Sasha leaned on the counter and spread his legs as if he was under arrest. The senior took a batting stance and tried a few practice swings before sending the broad paddle crashing into the ninth grader's exposed rear. Daniel winced as the paddle cracked against the boy's body. Two more blows followed before the senior let Sasha stand aside. “Who's next?” The other boys were silent as Daniel hesitantly raised his hand. “Okay, it's the one-hundred dollar boy.” Daniel felt a moment of consternation as he stepped up to the counter. He couldn't believe he was so well known. A glance at the first victim, Sasha, didn't reassure him. Sasha was doing his best to hide the tears.

Daniel braced himself against the counter and thought about the beating Troy had given him at the beginning of the summer. He was sure that the senior was going to make it hard on him. When it was over he realized that it had been no worse than the paddling the first boy had taken. He thought he could go back to his friends in the living room after Seung was done, but Noelle told him to wait. He ended up next to Sasha watching Troy and Fez take their turns. His own butt burned from the beating and he was surprised to find it was still no easier watching the other two take theirs.

When the last crack filled the air and Fez had turned to lean against the counter with tears in his eyes, Seung pointed to the chairs around the table. The four boys accepted the invitation and sat down with the seniors. Seung sat beside Fez and the other seniors took his lead and began lining up several miniature shot glasses in front of each boy. Daniel smiled to himself, knowing he could easily down these smaller shots.

“I don't drink” Abdullah said quietly.

Seung paused with a glass in his hand. He looked mildly at the ninth grader. “Moslem?”

“Yep.”

Daniel could see Fez was not sure how this was going to be received.

“Well I can respect that. I guess we can let you off the hook.” He looked at his friends. “Okay with you guys?” The other two seniors nodded their heads. “Take off kid.” Fez pushed himself away from the table, but he did not leave the kitchen. He was clearly curious about what was going to happen next. Seung looked at the three boys and waved a bottle of cheap Canadian whiskey back and forth. “So are the rest of you white breads Moslem too?” Daniel shook his head slightly as he eyed the bottle. “Speak up girls!” Seung barked. This time he got three quick "no's" from around the table.

Daniel watched as Seung filled three shot glasses for each boy. The amber fluid quivered on the lip of each glass and threatened to spill every time someone bumped the table. “Drink up boys and don't spill.” Daniel reached out and took a glass and raised it to his lips. It was clear that he was expected to drink all three. He threw them back quickly just as he had at Denver's place when they had shared the Tequila. It had been his plan to finish the three glasses and casually push the last glass back at the senior like he had with Denver in that special moment. But as he downed the second glass, he realized the senior was already refilling the first.

Daniel tried to keep count. By the eighth glass his head was swimming and his belly was on fire. It took him awhile to adjust to the sudden motion of the room and grasp onto the ninth glass. When he was done he carefully set it down and steadied his hand before slowly pushing the empty glass toward Seung. Seung laughed at him and reached over to rumple his hair. “Nine drinks because you are in ninth grade.”

“So do you drink twelve?” he asked the senior, his speech garbled.

“Seung is way beyond twelve I'm sure.” commented Noelle caustically. The hostess sorted through a pile of rub-on tattoos and started applying them to the boys' faces. Daniel watched Sasha as the liquor continued to work its way into his system. Sasha's eyes were glazed as Noelle rubbed a flower on his cheek. “Now go have some fun,” she remarked as she turned her attention to Troy and Fez . Sasha remained seated and seemed to lose his focus. After Fez and Troy disappeared, Noelle started adding a small blue star to Daniel's face. The two boys suddenly focused on each other. Sasha reminded him a little of Greg.

Daniel decided to wander down to the basement after that. Sasha followed him down. Daniel's legs didn't work very well and he cautiously gripped the hand rail as he negotiated each treacherous step. He thought he had done well to keep the drinks down. Half way to the bottom he slipped and clutched the rail desperately as he tried to stop his slide to the bottom. When he came to rest the boy behind him stepped slowly past him and then dropped heavily on the step below where he rested. He turned to Daniel laughing. “I'm Sasha.”

“I'm Daniel.”

“I went to Elsie Newton.”

“7th Avenue.” Daniel's elementary school predated the board's current policy of naming schools after prominent educators in the community. “Hey.”

“Hey.” The boys sat looking at each other hoping to gather the strength to move on.

“Hey.” Sasha seemed to puzzle over something and his eyes drifted away for a moment before returning to Daniel's face. He wavered a moment and appeared to take time to untangle his tongue before he carefully added, “I'm Sasha.”

“Daniel Murrell.”

“Hey.” Sasha pointed his index finger at Daniel and shot him in the chest. “Elsie Newton.”

“Right.” Daniel thought he had been through this before, but he wasn't sure. He wagged a finger at the blond boy before adding “Riverview High.”

Sasha's eyes lit up and he flashed a broad smile “Fucking-A!” and the two ninth graders connected with a sloppy high-five that left them both a little unstable. Daniel slid one more step down and then leaned back against the wall and watched Sasha make his own recovery. Sasha's face looked pale in the dim stairwell. Daniel's companion suddenly refocused and added “Okay, now I'm wasted.”

“Hmmm... I can't feel my ass.” As the alcohol worked its way into his system Daniel rode a roller coaster of rushes that made his head ring and his heart pound. He was not sure he had ever been so drunk. He was content to sit with Sasha on the stairs until he heard an irritated voice telling them to get up. Rather than try to stand, both boys simply slid down the remaining distance and then pulled themselves up from the floor.

The basement was unfinished and the floor was covered by a loose carpet that tended to cling to Daniel's feet. A red glow punctuated by a strobe provided a hellish ambiance. It was far more crowded than the living room and Daniel was disoriented by the unfamiliar geography, loud music, and constant motion. He backed against a rough cement wall and felt his blood match the rhythm of the music. A nudge against his shoulder made him aware that Sasha had stayed with him. He was content to watch the older high school students' dance.

This was good. He really felt a part of it all.

Humping
Saturday, August 21st, 10:05 PM

Amanda loomed out of the crowd and he tried to gather his thoughts, but all he could do was manage a dopey smile.

“Dance with me,” she demanded.

He smiled again and shook his head.

“Come on, you need to burn some of that off.”

He shook his head again and tried to say something. Amanda gave up and simply grabbed a handful of his shirt and dragged him into the crowd.

Daniel was like an old steam engine gathering momentum on the dance floor. Caught in the middle, he stood and watched Amanda dance as people bumped against him; he slowly tried a few tentative movements and when he realized nobody was really watching him he unwound and started to enjoy himself. Soon Amanda had him lost in the music. As one song shifted into the next he was barely conscious of his partners. The sweat started to run down his back. Amanda had been right; moving around felt good. Occasionally he would see Denver or Mark in the crowd. He didn't speak -- he felt entranced by the music.

Amber Klein saw Daniel through the shifting bodies. He seemed to be dancing by himself. She had been dancing with some of the older boys. The party took a turn for the better once she got over the discomfort of having to french kiss Maud. Nine shooters had more than made up for it and the rest consisted of a flattering series of encounters with appreciative tenth and eleventh grade boys. Chow told her Daniel was around so she ditched an annoying boy boring her about high school drama and hunted him down. Daniel's shirt hung loosely about his frame and his hair was plastered to his forehead. Amber drew closer to him as he twisted and turned.

When she reached him she saw his eyes were half closed. He was lost in a world of his own.

“Dance with me,” she urged him on like Amanda had done before.

Daniel opened his eyes wider and smiled at her. He responded to her invitation. Amber tried to match his movements but his dancing was haphazard at best and he still seemed disconnected from her. When she spoke to him he would focus and smile at her and then quickly drift away somewhere. She loved that smile.

They danced beside each other for a long time. Amber became tired of matching Daniel's random erratic movements. When he paused between songs she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in. The music aided her and they began shuffling together to a slow beat. Even when the music changed she held him close. She was content to draw in his musky aroma and watch his face. She felt the muscles play across his shoulders and nudged against him. Daniel eventually seemed to catch the rhythm of her slow dance and they began to sway together as one. Amber closed her eyes when Daniel reached out to put his hands on her waist. Their hips drew together and she felt on fire as his crotch brushed hers. When the music heated up again she pressed herself against his bulge. Daniel shifted his hands to the small of her back and began stroking his hand up and down, sending shivers through her body. Amber strained up for a moment and kissed him on the lips. Encouraged, he moved his hands down to cup her cheeks and as he massaged them she started grinding her hips into his.

She could feel him respond. The music drove their desire and she could feel the line of his penis as it stretched out against his thigh. She wanted to cup it in her hand and feel its strength. She let her own arms drop and slid her fingers into the back of his loose pants daring to touch the damp skin beneath his boxers. The flex of muscle beneath the firm cheeks made her hot and her nipples strained against her halter top. Amber leaned back and slid her fingers around Daniel's waistband feeling his sweat before pausing at his firm smooth belly. Her eyes flicked down to take in the length of his penis rising toward her fingers. Resisting the impulse to grab him she let her fingers pull his loose T-shirt free of the pants and ran her hands up his slick chest to his nipples. They had never shared such an intimate moment before -- he felt good.

Daniel responded as he swayed to the music. They turned slowly around each other as their hands played and the pressure stimulated them to grind their hips. She kissed him repeatedly and shivered when his hands wandered up to her breasts and lightly brushed her sensitive nipples. Daniel's eyes focused hungrily on her breasts.

He still wasn't able to totally connect with her. She wanted reassurance that he liked her, but he was incapable of satisfying her wishes.

I choose who I want to be with. . .

“Daniel.”

He smiled at her and dropped his hands back to her hips.

“This is a great party isn't it?” she kept trying to draw him out.

He responded with a happy grunt but he still did not kiss her back. She remembered his looks in class or in the cafeteria -- they seemed to indicate to her that he liked her.

“Lots of people here, did you see Maud?”

He shook his head. Amber tried a few other names but he was not paying attention. She did not know why she kept talking. He seemed content in her arms and she did not want it to end. . . but she needed something more. . .

“Where's Mandy?” she asked. This was a mistake and she knew it the moment Mandy's name had left her lips. She willed him to ignore her question. She saw his face transform from the distracted bliss of being close to her to that of a lost soul. He seemed momentarily sober and the smile left his lips. “I guess she didn't make it.” She watched him shrug the question off, but she sensed she had lost him somehow. As they continued to dance he moved away from her and his hands stopped wandering.

I choose who I want to be with. . .

Daniel was not interested in Amber Klein. It hurt her to think about rejection so when the music stopped again she made an excuse and fluttered away. When she turned at the basement steps to look for him, he had already disappeared into the crowd. She felt lonely.

Daniel wandered through the crowd searching for Denver and Mark. He felt depressed. He did not understand why he could dance so freely with Amber or flirt with her and then choke every time he was with Mandy. He hardly remembered the animal urges he had felt holding Amber close. It had been exciting, but he dismissed it from his mind. It did not matter, he was not interested in Amber. The dancing had sobered him up and he wanted another drink.

Moonlight and Shadows
Saturday, August 21st, 11:20 PM

Daniel circulated throughout the house, stopping in the washroom for a moment and sharing another shot with a senior in the kitchen. Daniel had lost track of the time and he was surprised to find that the crowd had thinned considerably upstairs. A few groups sat around talking and Daniel caught the scent of dope. Someone offered him a beer so he sat and listened to the conversation for awhile. When the beer was done he headed back down to the basement. The shot and beer erased all thoughts of Mandy.

Daniel glanced at a group of ninth graders sitting on a worn out couch. He recognized the guy named Sasha among them and responded to the boy's nod. He circled the dwindling group of dancers before finally catching sight of Denver and Mark. Denver was slouched in the chair in a familiar pose. He had a beer perched on his stomach and he looked like he had been dancing. Mark was slung over the thick wooden arm with his arm across the back. Denver noticed Daniel and waved him over with a small flip of his fingers. Mark leaned down and caressed Denver's chest before turning his face and kissing his lover on the lips. Daniel smiled a little and shook his head slightly while looking down, pretending not to notice. He knew Denver did not appreciate Mark's public displays of affection.

“I just don't get why we have to put up with that. Why don't they go fag off at a gay bar?”

Daniel flushed and found himself once again next to the boy named Troy. His embarrassment over Denver and Mark suddenly turned to anger in defense of his friends and he turned on the boy. “Shut up, I'm tired of your bullshit.” Daniel snapped, then seemed genuinely confused by a contadictory mixture of feelings. Why did Mark and Denver have to ruin the party that way? Daniel gave Troy a push that sent the boy back a few steps. Troy looked puzzled for a moment, then he stepped closer, apparently up to the challenge this time. Daniel stumbled forward to show he was ready if the other boy wanted to pursue this any further.

Troy 's face suddenly loomed large. “Are you sure you're not a faggot too?” he growled.

Daniel ignited and aimed a punch at Troy's face. It never connected. Mark grabbed his arm and twirled him around.

“Easy now Daniel -- what's gotten into you?” Mark put his hand on Daniel's chest and tried to move him away from the other freshie.

Daniel brushed Mark's hand away. He could see Denver standing alert by the chair, bottle held loosely by his side. Daniel did not want to explain himself. He did not want to explain why he was angry at both of them. He pushed past Mark and went up the stairs.

Mark turned back to face the grade nine who had instigated the battle. “Do you have a problem kid?” The thin boy shook his head and turned away. Mark shifted to Denver and moved to stop him from following his freshie. “Let him go Denver. Give him some space.” His lover seemed undecided. “He'll tell you about it later when he's sober. . . and if he can't remember, then it wasn't important.” Denver let Mark draw him back to the dance floor. The evening had gone really well for Mark. Daniel had been content to circulate in his own orbit. This party was special. It was just a party, but Nicole's house held a special place in Mark's heart -- it was where they had met at Christmas. And after they dropped the kid off at his apartment tonight, Mark had special plans for Denver.

Daniel found himself outside in the dark. He walked back toward the wooden fence wanting to get away from the noise. He paced a little under the looming canopy of some vast tree which spilled over the fence; he thought about what just happened. Troy was probably an okay dude. They might even share the same interests. They probably could have been friends at school. Daniel did not mean to get so upset. The anger and sensitivity was new to him. He tried so hard to get along with people most of the time. He did not know where these feelings were coming from.

Mark should have saved that kiss for later.

The issue of sexual orientation always complicated things. He knew Denver liked Mark; he was even okay with seeing them touch when they were alone. It was just fooling around. Daniel had done it himself. Guys should only fool around in private. He had known guys he suspected of jerking off together. But a full-blown relationship was something new to him and he felt uneasy about it. That truly horrible morning with Arlo had left him fearful that others would discover he could be turned on by a boy's body. The truth was he agreed with Troy; he really wished Mark and Denver had found a room somewhere else. Yet, he knew he should not feel that way. People kissed and made out, why shouldn't Mark and Denver? Daniel realized he was going in circles.

His head was spinning in circles. . .

Daniel looked up into the moonlight and closed his eyes. The leaves rustled and despite the sounds of laughter drifting from the party he could hear soft noises in the tree above him. He held a hand out and examined the play of light and shadow as he turned it back and forth.

“Hey.”

Daniel twisted back toward the house and found Sasha watching him.

“You want a beer?” The blonde boy held out a can.

“Yeah, that sounds good to me.”

Sasha came forward and Daniel took the chilled can before collapsing on the grass. “Pull up a seat.” Daniel crossed his legs and popped the tab. Sasha dropped the rest of the beers on the grass beside Daniel and sat next to him. Sasha took a beer, opened it and mumbled an insincere curse when it foamed over. Daniel chugged half the beer and then sat watching Sasha and chuckling to himself.

“This is my first party. Corrine is my senior. Do you know Corrine?”

Daniel shook his head and killed his first beer. He let out a hefty belch then chuckled again.

“She's my brother's girlfriend. He graduated last year and works in my dad's shop. Vasilli's still tight with the seniors so Corrine and I didn't go to any of the freshie parties. Dad was in the army, the Red Army. He fought in Afghanistan man.” Sasha paused to take a pull at his beer. He spoke quickly; like he was excited or nervous. “Vas' took a lot of shit when he was in ninth grade. Dad told him to suck it up. Was that your senior you were fighting with in there?”

Daniel was caught off-guard by a sudden mood swing. “No, he's just a guy I know.” That seemed unfair to Mark so he confessed “He's a friend of my senior's.” Daniel took a deep breath. “He's my friend too.”

“Is he gay like that guy who drank with us said?”

“Troy?”

“Yeah, okay, Troy.”

What was with the Troy's in his life now? Daniel didn't like where this was going; he was more interested in Sasha's story about his dad. He killed another beer and reached for a third.

“We're going to need some more beer soon.” He paused for a moment, conscious that he might be drinking up the guy's beer supply for the night. He had scored big on the shots in the kitchen and somehow never got around to getting any beer from Denver.

“Go ahead, I've had enough. Do you want a toke? Vas' gave me a couple for the party. . . actually, I snaked them from him.”

Daniel had never smoked marijuana before but had his share of cigarettes that he and Arlo used to pilfer from his grandfather; that was before the cancer did the old man away. Daniel once noticed Denver and Eddie in the alley smoking. Eddie seemed to move in slow motion all the time and Denver would return from the alley relaxed and in his own world. Denver never invited Daniel to join them.

“Sounds good.” Daniel had a good buzz going again. He watched Sasha dig a twist of paper out of his shirt pocket. “But hang on a second.” Daniel struggled to his feet and walked over to the fence to relieve himself. He let the stream play along the cracked boards watching the rivulets stain the pale wood lost in the tree's shadow. Sasha was studying the joint when he turned around again. Daniel sat a little closer and tried to look experienced.

“Here, you start it.” Sasha offered the joint and Daniel accepted it with some degree of uncertainty. It looked the same at both ends so he didn't think it mattered which end he put in his mouth. He looked at the other boy to see if he was doing it right. Sasha's eyes seemed a deeper blue in the night where only the light from the moon above gave definition to their surroundings.

“My first time,” Daniel admitted. He held the handmade cigarette to his lips and felt the dry paper suck the moisture from them. He pulled it away again. “Oh, I was gonna tell you. . . Mark is gay. He's Denver's boyfriend. Denver is my senior.”

This was met with silence and Daniel returned the joint to his lips. Sasha bent forward with a match and held it close. Daniel tried to copy what he had seen others do and thought he could pull it off without a hitch. It was like smoking a cigarette, except you couldn't cheat. After he took a small drag of the harsh smoke he held his breath and felt the burn as he passed the glowing ember over to Sasha. He watched it brighten in Sasha's mouth and felt the drug seep outward like a massive release of accumulated tension. He seemed at peace with his surroundings. Sasha coughed as Daniel watched him and handed it back; Daniel took another drag off the joint.

As the smoke left his lungs, it felt like he had just heaved a heavy sigh. Man -- this is so righteous! Like being on the river, he owned this moment. Whatever came around the next bend was okay, how you handled it was your call. You picked the path through the white water; nobody watching your back like a parent. . .

"High school is going to rock!"

“You said it.” Sasha nodded his head.

Daniel realized he had said some of that aloud. Sasha offered him the joint again. They passed it back and forth in silence. Daniel watched with interest when Sasha extinguished the last ember. His mouth felt dry so he soothed it with another gulp of beer.

“So your senior is gay?”

Daniel fingered the sharp edge of the can. “Denver is bisexual. He likes Mark right now, he's had girlfriends in the past.” He chanced a look at the other boy. Sasha was picking at the grass next to his leg. “Anyway, he said he'd go back to a girl after Mark.” He knew he wasn't being honest. “Mark's cool, really; he's been there for me a few times.”

“So that Chinese kid. . .” Sasha's eyes met Daniel's and quickly shifted away.

“Chow?”

“Okay, he said your senior paid over a hundred for you.”

“I guess.”

“That's wild. You're some kinda prize. Corinne and Vas' had to pay $55 for me and I thought that was something.” Sasha reached out and punched Daniel lightly in the chest.

“Denver's dad has some money; I think Denver pissed some people off.”

The sounds of the party were fading and Daniel found himself concentrating more on what he said. He had initially expected that getting high would make everything funny; instead he found himself in a deep conversation with Sasha. They were really connecting well.

“Do you think he is after your ass?”

Daniel flashed back to the patio, the fresh rain steaming from the bricks while he sat naked across from Denver. Thoughts of Sasha sitting naked passed quickly like a cloud across the sun. He laughed at the image and Sasha giggled back. Daniel studied the boy's lips for a moment and then abruptly blurted out an answer.

“He said he had a rough freshie year and he didn't want me to go through what he went through. . . He's not like that. He's my friend.”

“Well, I think what you did was right.” Sasha said it softly and Daniel was fascinated by the shine in his sapphire eyes.

“What?”

“Telling that guy off.” There was a muffled quality to Sasha's reply.

“Oh. . . that. . .”

“So do you have a girlfriend?”

“No.”

The boy nodded his head. “I had a girl. Well we were not that serious, just sucked on each other's faces a bit. She dumped me. There's this guy in grade ten, you know, he already has a car, and before Christmas the bastard will have his license. She said I wasn't mature enough for her.”

“That's rough.” Daniel did not like the direction Sasha had taken and attempted to reassure the lad. “Still, she'll probably come back to you. . . I'm sure girls must like you. . . You'll have your license before long too.”

“Oh yeah, she said she likes me as a friend. Riverview High is a big school; she'll find tons of guys. Who was that babe you were dancing with?”

“What?” The evening had been a blur to Daniel. The only thing that seemed real was this moment on the lawn.

“Don't you remember? You must really be wasted man. You were making out together dude -- she had her hands down your pants! I could do her. . . You wanna share another joint?”

Daniel nodded and Sasha repositioned himself so he could sit beside his new friend. Their legs were close together and their shoulders touched as Sasha carefully lit the second joint and passed it over. Daniel took his first drag when Sasha leaned in and placed a hand on Daniel's leg.

“So tell me, have you seen your senior and his boyfriend doing it? Like, do they make out all the time, feel each other up? Do they suck dick?”

Sasha's hand moved high up the inside of Daniel's thigh and made his groin feel heavy. As his heart quickened he thought about his answer. “No, well, I guess they make out all the time at Denver's house. A couple of weeks ago I was at Denver's for a party. They went off together for awhile.”

Sasha removed his hand, took a quick toke and then held it up to Daniel's lips. Daniel put his lips on the joint and felt the soft touch of the other boy's fingers on his face. “So did that freak you out?”

After the drag he fell back on the grass and stretched his legs out. He put his hands behind his head so he could watch Sasha take another toke. Sasha's face was bathed in moonlight as the ember flared; he leaned over Daniel's chest and offered the joint once more to his lips. Daniel held the magic potion in while fixating on Sasha's eyes as the boy took another drag. Sasha studied the final shred and flicked it away; he squirmed with uncertainty for a moment and finally lay down with his head on Daniel's belly.

“You know, it doesn't freak me out. I didn't know any gay guys. Well, there are always some guys you wonder about. I have a friend. . ." Daniel paused, as if to reconsider what he was going to say. "Denver and Mark made me nervous at first, but Denver was really cool. Right from the start he let me know he wouldn't push it on me. He knows I like girls more.” Daniel was unconscious of his wording. “I have a friend who's into the drama club stuff -- a girl not a guy. I don't get it, but it's like her life or something. So we get along, I think. We don't have to like the same stuff.”

“I'm so stoned.” Sasha's voice had a husky dreamy quality to it that seemed to match Daniel's mood.

Sasha rolled onto his side and held his hand up for a high five. Daniel laughed and slapped it; Sasha's fingers twined with his. Daniel felt the boy's head return to a comfortable resting position on his belly and he was sensitive to Sasha's every movement. Daniel disengaged his hand and let it wander to where Sasha's shirt met his pants. Sasha's breath became louder as Daniel gently tugged the material free. Daniel let his hand drop to the cool grass. He had been focusing on the stars poking through the clouds, but he shifted his head so that he could see Sasha's body stretched out. Sasha had been lying with one leg cocked comfortably, but now he let his leg drop and then crossed it at his ankle. Daniel shifted his gaze between Sasha's slowly expanding chest and the subtle bulge of his crotch. After a minute, Sasha lifted an arm and stroked the tight material of Daniel's black t-shirt. Daniel took another chance and returned his hand to Sasha's waist. He felt his groin tighten as his finger tips played along the soft skin. He could feel each quiver. Reassured that his partner accepted his advance he moved up to the hard chest and rested his hand against the heat. Somehow he floated on the darkness connected to the other boy. The barriers between them were down and the beer and strong dope elevated him to a higher plane. All he knew was it felt awesome! Daniel felt completely centered somewhere between the delicate sensations where his finger tips and palm melded with Sasha's flesh and the pressure of Sasha's head on his belly and the stirring in his groin. Everything else seemed numb to him.

Daniel's fingers trailed back down to Sasha's pants and he awkwardly tried to slip his fingers beneath the boy's shorts. Somewhere Sasha's cock waited for him. He wasn't disappointed -- Sasha was hard. Daniel pressed his fingers against the damp elastic head. Sasha undid his belt and the confining snap. Daniel groped deeper until he cupped the sweat-soaked bag before returning to the solid shaft. For a while he simply listened to Sasha's painful breathing and enjoyed the stimulation of the shaft slipping through his closed fist as Sasha gyrated his hips.

Daniel lost his grip when Sasha rolled away. His hand came to rest on Sasha's side. He studied the sky and the mass of writhing leaves above his head as Sasha opened his pants and freed his cock. Sasha's lips on his shaft were soft and warm, a curious tongue encouraged his strength and as the shreds of clouds glowed with the reflected light of the city he realized he was holding his breath.

He came quickly in a hot rush. Somehow it was lost in the haze and warmth that still washed over him. He wanted to respond to Sasha in some way, but he felt weak. When the other boy pulled himself up without a word, Daniel struggled to push words past his paralyzed tongue. Sasha left him lying in the grass, his head in the shadows of the old tree and his body bathed in moonlight.

Daniel lay looking at the unseeing sky. Sasha's saliva and the residue of his cum cooled along his shaft as a slight shift in the wind breathed across his exposed groin. Daniel let his hand slide up then down his chest and stomach. His fingertips brushed the damp tangle above the satiated curve of his cock before he let them drop to the grass beside him. He was conscious that Sasha had left -- the right moment, but the wrong boy. The thought surfaced that he should follow Sasha. Letting him walk away like that seemed wrong. They had shared a moment. Daniel drifted away for awhile and when he returned he realized he was cold. It was time to find Denver and Mark. He felt tired.

Writhing Leaves
Sunday, August 22nd, 12:05 AM

A tear trickled down Laine's cheek and he leaned his head against the railing consumed with a mixture of excitement and guilt. His cum-drenched cock was still hard and despite it all his tight fist continued to milk the last lonely drops free as his body cried for more. He did not intend to watch. He was an unwelcome voyeur during their private moment of love.

The half-naked boy below, God help Laine, seemed to have passed out. It had all began when the first boy stumbled to the back fence while Laine leaned against the trunk of the tree taking in the sounds of the party. It was a pathetic existence he admitted to himself -- an outsider listening in on a party for the past several hours and now spying on two boys making out below. Laine had focused on the first boy when he left the back steps and wandered back towards the tree. Except for a brief dapple of light that played across his face as he left the house, the boy below had been little more than a graceful shadow. The stranger brought his summer-boy to mind, although of course that elusive image, that fragment of time had faded to become a simple abstract idea like the perfect ten. Laine followed him as he began to stumble around in the dark below mumbling inaudibly. Laine could tell the blonde highlights were bleached, but he still admired the effect. The second boy's pale face and natural blond hair drew his attention next.

Laine had no experience with beer, but he wished the second boy would chuck a can up to him. He wanted to be part of their evening. Laine felt driven to inch his way to the edge of the platform and listen as best he could to the byplay below. He could only catch fragments. The words did not really matter. He watched as they talked and shared that first cigarette. He was stirred when they moved close and began to touch.

Laine wanted so badly to be the first boy lying in the grass with the blonde boy's head on his lap. To be close like that with another boy and share soft touches and soft words. When the blonde shifted to cover the other boy with his mouth Laine could not contain himself. His desires changed and he yearned to bury himself in the other's lap tasting his flesh; to be able to touch the boy's hard moon-kissed body and listen to his heartbeat through the blazing heat of his belly. Laine became hard, very hard.

When it was over the second boy left quickly. Below, half in the tree's vast shadow and half caressed by soft moonlight, the other boy touched himself. He was a moon-boy sliding his t-shirt up to expose a lightly sculpted frame before pausing above a still swollen organ inviting soft kisses.

I am for you and I would not leave you alone in the grass. My hot breath would whisper my gratitude in your ear, and I would warm you with my naked body and give you back your gift with my lips moon-boy.

Laine sighed softly and let his own release fill his nostrils and coat his tongue. He sat on the edge of his dream castle, blessed the moment and drank his fill of the boy below. He listened to the sounds of the city and the trees and dreamed of the boy below until the lithe body, all too soon, stirred again. He watched the boy roll on his side and rise. Laine leaned his chin on his arms as he watched the boy put himself to rights before walking back to the house and the last remnants of the party.

Two boys in love, thought Laine.